Hera and Estela bring you a new episode - that explains why they've taken a bit of a hiatus. They've both been writing books! And Hera has just released her memoir, ten years in the making, that's both deeply personal and universally touching. "Defying Silence," her memoir, unveils the heart-wrenching journey of losing her son and the struggle against a justice system that let them down. Hera and Estela grapple with the profound impact of stories like this and how they foster connections, albeit with a mindfulness to shield the innocence of our younger listeners. Through the revelation of Hera's book, they contemplate the challenges of presenting mature themes while still engaging in meaningful conversations with those not yet ready to hear them, such as Estela herself.
Switching lanes to advocacy, the episode intensifies as we discuss the indispensability of adult intervention in safeguarding children's rights and well-being. Recounting her own battles within the family court system, Hera emphasizes the urgency for reforms that truly put children first. They dissect the implications of not only hearing but believing the voices of the young in legal quandaries, and the profound necessity for systemic overhaul. The dialogue is a call to action, urging listeners to recognize the stories of struggle that too many face and to join the fight for a future where the next generation's battles are not as daunting as their own.
Hera and Estela bring you a new episode - that explains why they've taken a bit of a hiatus. They've both been writing books! And Hera has just released her memoir, ten years in the making, that's both deeply personal and universally touching. "Defying Silence," her memoir, unveils the heart-wrenching journey of losing her son and the struggle against a justice system that let them down. Hera and Estela grapple with the profound impact of stories like this and how they foster connections, albeit with a mindfulness to shield the innocence of our younger listeners. Through the revelation of Hera's book, they contemplate the challenges of presenting mature themes while still engaging in meaningful conversations with those not yet ready to hear them, such as Estela herself.
Switching lanes to advocacy, the episode intensifies as we discuss the indispensability of adult intervention in safeguarding children's rights and well-being. Recounting her own battles within the family court system, Hera emphasizes the urgency for reforms that truly put children first. They dissect the implications of not only hearing but believing the voices of the young in legal quandaries, and the profound necessity for systemic overhaul. The dialogue is a call to action, urging listeners to recognize the stories of struggle that too many face and to join the fight for a future where the next generation's battles are not as daunting as their own.
Hi, I'm Hera, the mom, and I'm Estella the kid, and this is Seeking Different. There are times when everyone feels different or left out. As a non-traditional mom and kid family, we're sitting out to explore all the ways that families can be different. This is Seeking Different.
Speaker 1:Hi friends, welcome back to Seeking Different. We've been on a bit of a haitist because the two of us have been working on some really great projects that we're really excited to share with you on this episode. In addition to being podcasters, sharing the magic of non-traditional family with you all, we're also authors. Both Estella and I love to write and are in various stages of our writing, and today, for our very special episode, we want to share with you what we've been up to and where you can find our work.
Speaker 2:Mama, your book arrived at our house the other day and even though you aren't letting me read it because it's for adults, I have some questions for you that maybe other kids can be interested in.
Speaker 1:Yes, I published my memoir on December 10th and it's called Defying Silence a memoir of a mother's loss and courage in the face of injustice.
Speaker 2:So first let's get down to business. What is the book about?
Speaker 1:So I'm going to read the summary, because it gives the best overview to answer that question. So here's the summary. Two weeks after giving birth to her son, prince Hera McLeod discovered that everything she knew about her son's father was a lie. After a 12-month custody battle full of terrifying evidence, she uncovered Prince's father, killed him during one of the first quartered, unsupervised visits. Determined to get justice for her son, hera embarked on a mission to hold the killer in the system that enabled him accountable. This story takes you through her experience as the romantic target of a serial killer and the deep fractures in the American justice system that routinely leave women and children vulnerable. It will arm you with the knowledge necessary to join the fight, ideas for reform and the inspiration to speak out against the silence. So now you see why it is definitely not a book for kids, and so, while I have been very honest with you about what happened to your brother, some of the topics in their book are definitely pretty heavy and not kids' topics.
Speaker 2:I think I can tell that from the summary. Yep, okay, so this is the behind the scenes, and what I really want to know is the why did you write the book?
Speaker 1:I wrote this book, stella, because I really want to change the world. I wrote the book that I wanted to read when I was going through the most traumatic time of my life. You know how sometimes you want to read a book that you can really connect with, and how amazing it feels when you can see yourself in books and how that sometimes this helps you feel not so alone.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I just finished reading the awkward series and one of the reasons I really loved it I thought it was funny, relatable and gave me some really great tips on what to say when kids start teasing me about crushes, which is something kids in my gray seem completely obsessed with.
Speaker 1:Yes, so we're going to do an entire episode next week about crushes and all the drama that can happen in the tween years. So exactly. So, while this book is going to be triggering to some people, do you know what it means to be triggered? No, like think about something that happened to you that was really really upsetting, maybe a time when you got bullied or something really sad. To be triggered is imagine if something like kind of similar happened, or you heard about something similar and you were upset all over again because you remembered the bad thing happening. That's like being triggered.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I've been triggered many times before I bow, so like, basically, what you mean is, if something happens, similar you go trigger.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like sometimes when you like have something really bad happen to you like, let's say, you fall off your bike and it was like really scary you like fell off and like hit your head or like something crazy happened right, and then like you had another experience where you were like on your bike, about to fall off, maybe you freak out even though you didn't fall like you freak out because you remember falling and you get really scared. That's like being triggered. I've definitely been triggered. So basically, I think some people reading this book might be a little triggered because the topic is really heavy, so if they have had something happen to them, they might like remember it after reading it. But I also think people will feel validated too.
Speaker 1:But when you go through something really hard, you can sometimes feel alone and like nobody else in the world understands what it's like. And also sometimes you start feeling like there's something wrong with you and feeling sad. So one of the reasons I wrote it is that when I was going through it I was worried. I was like, oh my gosh, am I the only person who is like going through our court system and thinking this is absolutely crazy? And in the past 10 years there's been a lot of women and men actually that have reached out to me and they're like no, you're not crazy, like I feel like I'm going crazy. So sometimes it's actually really good to hear that somebody else is going through that same experience.
Speaker 2:So why won't you let me read it, since I've been triggered too?
Speaker 1:Yeah, but this is a little different. So, while, like I said, while I've been really honest with you as much as I can about what happened to your brother, as a mom, I'm also really careful about protecting you and your sister and I want to give you the information in a way that is appropriate for your age. So, while I'm really honest with you, I'm also aware that there are certain topics that aren't appropriate for someone your age, but one day I will let you read it and we can talk about it together, because I want you to know, before you start dating, what to look for and what kind of person you should be looking for in a future partner.
Speaker 2:What if I don't want a future partner, though I?
Speaker 1:mean that's fine, but I also think that, whether it is a romantic relationship or just a friendship, it's also really important to understand what it can look like if somebody really bad or terrible starts trying to take advantage of you. And something that I talk about a lot in my book is boundaries. I know we talk about this a lot Like-.
Speaker 2:We talk about it like a lot, even with Issa.
Speaker 1:Yes. So for our listeners, what we mean by that is when somebody is doing something to you that you don't like, you should be very clear about what your boundaries are and what's bothering you. And if you don't and you continue a relationship with that person, either friendship or dating or otherwise, it's kind of like sending them a message that it's okay for them to treat you that way.
Speaker 2:So the message that you want to send them if you still want them to like hang out with you and stuff, then the message you really want to send them, instead of just like sitting there and let them bother you and stuff, you can just say, you can just say stop.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So that's like putting up your, making your boundaries clear, like, hey, that thing you did right there, I didn't like it. Now the person can act one of two ways. Either they're like, yeah, I don't care, and then you have to be like, okay, peace, I'm not friends with you anymore. Or they could say, hey, I'm really sorry, now I understand that you don't like that behavior. And if they don't do it again, then maybe they're redeemable. And so one of the things that my book talks about is that a lot of times people start accepting really bad behavior and it can happen really slowly, like maybe at first this friend is like super nice, and then over time they start kind of doing things that are like a little bit uncomfortable or not that great, and then you find yourself in a situation where you're like, wow, this person is really terrible.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like that's been happening to me at school, Kind of like at the start of the year I met one girl. I thought that she was really nice, but then she got really bad. And then I met this other girl and then she was actually really nice and then there was one point of the year where she did something that wasn't that nice to me and then I set my boundaries with her and then she actually apologized. Yeah, so that Without just saying an apology and starting all over again, exactly.
Speaker 1:So that's a perfect example of like one person who did not respect your boundaries and kept doing it. But you know what was really good about what you did, what you noticed pretty fast that that girl was not a friend and you got away from her as quick as possible, and so I'm really proud about that, because that's something that when I was younger and when I met your brother's father like I wasn't really good at that and it took me a really long time to realize that it was a really bad relationship and that was one of the problems. So I'm really proud of you for discovering that this person did not make you feel good and getting away from her.
Speaker 2:Also, it wasn't just all me who did it Also at my new, at my old school it had to. Only I had to do it, which wasn't easy at all. But then here at my new school, then, like I actually have my teachers to advocate for me too.
Speaker 1:Yes, which is?
Speaker 2:awesome. And then I also have very good friends to advocate for me too. That's awesome. So then I feel comfortable advocating for them.
Speaker 1:And that's also super important to make sure you surround yourself by people who are gonna help you when people are not so nice.
Speaker 2:So you've also told me that your book is about advocacy. I learned that being an advocate is about trying to change something you think is wrong in the world. For example, I love orangutans and recently I learned that they were endangered. I want to learn more about them and how to protect them, because it would be sad if they went away Like really sad. So what type of advocacy is in your book?
Speaker 1:All right, so first let's go back to orangutans for just a minute. So you used to be terrified, can?
Speaker 2:I tell them this is really surprising stuff. So the first time I saw a picture of an orangutan, so at first they weren't that scary in the zoo because I would usually see them with their back turns or just doing something that I wasn't interested in. But then, once I actually saw a picture of them, I cried because I was so scared of them. And then grandma, she showed me a video of orangutan jungle school and then they are actually really cute with the children orangutans, the babies, when they're toddlers or something. They actually walk into the woods with partners. They literally hold each other, their buddies or something, and then some of them can't even walk around because they're shy with, so they always hold their counselor's hand.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's really cute. Well, I'm really glad that you found a cause with the orangutans, because they do need somebody to advocate for them. So you know how mama is like ride or die for children. Yeah, how mama sometimes gets a little ragey when I feel like your safety or ESA's safety is at risk. That's because, for me, my hot button issue like you know, how have you ever heard people say hot button issue? No, it's like something in the world or something going on that makes you super, super excited, either passionate or angry or frustrated.
Speaker 2:So is it like my hot button issue Passionate is like gymnastics and then angry is like someone at school. But you're angry.
Speaker 1:So you're really passionate about gymnastics. But, like, advocacy is a little different. So, like, for example, you know how when you see a kid at school that's getting bullied and it makes you really upset and you feel like you want to do something about it, yeah, yeah. So, like, your hot button issue is bullying, because you don't like it, and part of the reason that it's like really important to you is because you know how it feels.
Speaker 1:And so, for me, when I was going through trying to protect your brother from his father, one of the things that was really really really scary is that that is supposed to be protecting kids. Like when judges are there to say whether or not a kid, like a parent, is safe to be around a kid. It broke down and didn't do a good job, and so mom is really passionate about it, because I don't want any other kids to have to deal with what Prince had to deal with. I think it's super important to protect kids, because kids can't protect themselves the way that parents can. Kids can't vote, for example. Kids don't have their own money.
Speaker 2:Kids don't know as much as parents know.
Speaker 1:Well, sometimes they know a lot and they don't get a lot of credit for knowing how much they know. But I think it's the responsibility of adults to take care of and protect kids, and so my book is a lot about what we should be doing and the changes we should be making in our system so that it's safer for kids. Because right now, the scariest thing is that when a kid goes into court and they maybe have one parent who's not safe, or maybe even two parents that aren't safe, the court really only cares about the parents getting access to that kid, and really what they should care about is the kid being safe, because their safety is way more important than whether or not the adult should be a parent.
Speaker 2:For me it sounds like super scary for a kid to have to go into court and listen to the judges and all the people in court, having to figure out if the kid is going to go to someone else or have to stay with their parents. It is really scary. Because the kid knows that their parents are dangerous.
Speaker 1:It is really scary for a lot of kids. Imagine if you knew that one of your parents was really scary and you were afraid of them and the court told you how to go with them anyway. I would hate that. It would be terrible and a lot of kids have to do that.
Speaker 2:And then if the kid tried to tell the court that the kid didn't want to do it, they didn't feel safe, then since the court wouldn't really care about it, because it's just a kid, they're just a kid.
Speaker 1:That happens a lot and that's why mama is really passionate about advocating for kids, because a lot of times the kid will say something and the judge will be like, oh, it's just a kid, we don't believe them. And I think you should believe kids, because I think kids are people and you all have feelings and beliefs and a lot, and oftentimes I think kids are actually better at telling when somebody is a bad person than even adults are.
Speaker 2:But what if there's something that the kid did at home like maybe accidentally drops, like a vase or something and they didn't tell their parents? What did that happen? What do you still have to believe that?
Speaker 1:I mean sometimes kids. I think sometimes everybody lies to protect themselves when they're worried that someone's going to be bad. But what I'm talking about is somebody who's in court and has to explain to a judge that they're scared and the judge not caring or not believing because they don't think, because it's a kid.
Speaker 2:Well, there are certain people we aren't there, like certain people in court who like lie and then the judges can't believe them.
Speaker 1:I mean there are a lot of people who lie and there are a lot of people who lie in court Like Prince's father lied in court all the time and part of the problem with courts is that most courts, especially family court, they don't really investigate to see if the lie is true. Like if you're going into criminal court, at least you have the police for good or bad, who are supposed to be doing an investigation. But when you go to court trying to protect a kid, it's really just like one parent's word over the other parent's word, because there's really no mechanism for them to investigate to see if it's true. So that's definitely one of the bigger problems. All right, so let's now talk about your book. You are working on your own novel and yours is a fiction novel. Do you want to tell our listeners what it's about?
Speaker 2:Okay, so my novel is about a girl. Her name is Mia and she is entering fifth grade at a very new school. Even though I'm not entering fifth grade at a very new school, I just thought that it would be interesting. So she's entering fifth grade at a brand new school and then she met a ghost there Don't but anybody who's listening to this, don't worry, it's not a bad ghost, there's no scary ghost. It's a girl who used to go to that school.
Speaker 1:Okay, don't give them the whole pot, but the ghost is helping right, Like the ghost is helping her.
Speaker 2:The ghost is supposed to be helping Mia. Mia's the main character. The ghost is helping Mia get through fifth grade.
Speaker 1:I'm really excited to read your book and I'm also really excited that you decided to make Mia's family a non-traditional family.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because Mia's family. At first I thought of it as being like a mom and a dad. But then I thought, well, maybe I can write from my perspective Like I've been like. So first I thought, well, I've been around so many kids who have a mom and a dad, so maybe it would be easier to like write Mia has a mom and a dad. But then after that, after like a few months, I thought, well, maybe I can try something new. And since I don't know like what having two moms is like, there was a girl at my school. Right now she has two moms. So I sometimes learned from her about what it's like because she has a non-traditional family too. And then it kind of inspired me to make the main character in my book just like that girl's family, that's awesome.
Speaker 1:So we are gonna also make sure one of our good friends has a family with two moms, and so when you're done, we're gonna make sure that the little girl in that family gets to do a sensitivity read so she can tell you if your depiction of two moms is authentic. All right, well, we certainly hope that everybody will give us some support and go buy our books. Right now. Defying Silence is available on Amazon. It's also available at your local indie bookstores. If you look online for it, you can get it at Barnes Noble, you can get it at Walmart. So please go out and grab yourself a coffee and drop a review. See you next week.
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Speaker 2:See you next time.