SPEAKER_01 0:00

Yeah, hello everyone, I'm Tanja. I'm an addict and I'm very hot. So I don't know what kind of message I'll have today, apart from that I don't like the heat.

SPEAKER_00 0:15

Okay, take it, so that is like rozmýšľam nad tym, że neviem odnesiem, okre toho, že neznaczam to horko.

SPEAKER_01 0:30

Um when I was asked to do this, the first thing I thought of was just for today, keep it simple. Because that really is the most important thing for me in my recovery, and it's the hardest.

SPEAKER_00 1:38

Okay, could be, could be, could be, could it be? Yeah. Thank you, thank you.

SPEAKER_01 2:36

So I really did do the jails institutions and close to death.

SPEAKER_00 2:42

I was my drugová historia with psychiatry to vesicts as prostrále.

SPEAKER_01 2:59

I think for me the turning point was when they wanted to put me into hospital for life. They decided I wasn't able to survive in society. And I just couldn't imagine that. So that's when I started fighting to get better.

SPEAKER_00 3:24

A vlastně taky ten bod zlomu prišlo, keď mi povedali, že chcuma prostě nechat v nemosi nějaký instituciji dokonca života, protože si myslíme o mě, že nedokážem žít v společnosti a tady jsem si povedala, že to prostě tak nechcem a že budeme bojovať.

SPEAKER_01 3:56

I went to drug and alcohol services because I didn't think I was addicted. I didn't think I needed fellowship.

SPEAKER_00 4:12

Nešla som hneď do nejakého spôsob a nešla som hneď do NASCA, ale vyhľadal som nejakú prostě službu, nejakú pomoc pre drogy a alcohol, pretože som si nemyslela, že som vôbec závisla, takže som si nemyslel, že potrebujem niečo také.

SPEAKER_01 4:36

It was never my fault. I was just the victim. Luckily, I met a lady who was a drug therapist who kept telling me about narcotics anonymous and it took five years, but eventually I came to a meeting.

SPEAKER_00 5:10

And našy som stretlakoutku byla therapia pregozlých that me odporučila in a společenstvo.

SPEAKER_01 5:24

My first meeting, I expected it to be dark, and I expected everyone to be really ill, like I was, and it wasn't. There were lots of people, and everybody was chatting and laughing and drinking coffee, and it really scared me. I sat at the back and I just wanted to hide. But what I heard was people talking how I felt, saying exactly how I felt. And that was the first time I'd realized that I wasn't on my own. But what I'd heard gave me hope, and eventually I did get back to meetings. Um yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:06

Okay, I was like dlhu dobu som sa potom neukázal na meetingoch, nevretil som sa späť, ale to, čo som tam počul na prvom meetingu, mi dalo obrusku nadej a na knee som sa som sa aj vrátila.

SPEAKER_01 7:19

But I couldn't keep it simple. I couldn't hear, I talked a lot, I knew everything, and I couldn't ask for help. Most of all, I couldn't be honest. And I stayed for about three months and I didn't use, but I felt worse and worse and worse, and eventually I went back out. I it took six years for me to come back, and they were really important years because I'd heard the steps, and in those six years I did my step one. I really learned I was powerless and I really understood that I couldn't manage my life and mostly my emotional life.

SPEAKER_00 8:54

A za tých šest rokov to bolo veľmi dôležité 6 rokov pre mňa, pretože som počas tých 6 rokov pochopila prvý prvýmu kroku, že som naozaj bezmocná dať svoju závislosti na svoj životom a hlavne nad svojimi emotiami a svojim emočným životom.

SPEAKER_01 9:14

I thought I was so important. That when I came back, I expected people to have a party and be glad I was there, and people just gave me a cup of tea and carried on. Um yeah. And I thought she was mad.

SPEAKER_00 11:36

I spam to someday pýtala, aby my sponsorovala, andala, že chcę aby som see uhdyni podčas týždňa ustillala každý ranno postel.

SPEAKER_01 11:51

But actually it was really helpful because I did it. Even though I thought she was mad and I didn't understand, I did it. And that was really important. She explained to me that if I wanted to get better, I needed to be prepared to do things when I didn't understand. And she did become my sponsor. She was really good because she taught me taught me the two most important things that I still hold on to, which is just for today and keep it simple. Oh, just for today. And um hang on, my brain has gone. Yeah, because I didn't know how to keep anything simple. I everything was complicated and it took a long time for me to even slow down enough to be able to understand what simple was. And I still struggle with it at times. But for me, my higher power is in this moment. And that I have a spiritual illness, which is the self-centeredness. But the one that really I never understood was the mental illness, and the reason why I kept going back despite horrible consequences.

SPEAKER_00 17:30

Aleš vlastne ten problem bol aj s tým rozmýšľaním.

SPEAKER_01 17:41

I normally talk so fast. It's very strange talking this slowly. Keeping it simple, the first time I did the steps, I did them quite quickly. Because I couldn't I couldn't concentrate long enough. And so my sponsor explained the steps to me so that I had a program quickly enough to keep me in the meetings, and then I did the slower the all the questions. Because the meetings are important for identification and carrying the message of hope, and that any addict can stop using and lose the desire to use. But the steps are the program. The steps are what change me and change my life.

SPEAKER_00 19:34

Ale program je to grow to z many mojej osobnosti.

SPEAKER_01 19:43

For me the first three steps are absolutely essential. I've been clean for a while, but the longer I'm clean, the more I need to keep going back to the first three steps. It had really bad. My dad had a problem with the word God, and every time he heard the word God, he'd get really angry. So it took me a while, thank thank God. Thank God. It is a God of my own understanding. I just need to believe. Yeah. Because it's the real surrender. It's me getting

SPEAKER_00 22:00

getting out of the way a letting my higher power take over a vlastne ten tretí krok ten je tá skutočná kapitulácia je to vlastne o tom, že sa vlastne uhnem z cesty a dovolím svoje vyššie silu, aby to zariadilo tak ako to má byť.

SPEAKER_01 22:30

I had an understanding, but now I think the longer I'm in recovery the more I understand that I need a really solid step one so that I understand that I absolutely have no power and then I become more willing to believe in step two and if I really am willing to believe then I am more ready to turn my will and my life over in step three a vlastne tak som zatil tak vlastne dostal som tam to porozumenie z tých krokoch spôsobom, že v prvom kroku sa potrebujem kapitulovať, aby som dostala tu ochotu.

SPEAKER_00 23:18

A potom, keď v druhou kroku dostaneme tu ochotu, tak vlastne môžeme z to ochotou ísť ďalej do treťho kroku, kde už tu svoju volu ochotň odzdám starostuje sily.

SPEAKER_01 23:32

Step three for me now means I focus on what do I do? What is my part? If I think of the serenity prayer, I imagine I'm in a hoop, in a circle, and everything outside of that circle is none of my business.

SPEAKER_00 23:55

A vlastně v tom kroku je právě o tom pochopit, že čo je vlastně moje chilách a čo nie je. Predstav si to jako taký kruh okolo sebe a když je v mojom kruhu, to se ma týká. A čo mimo mimo toho mojho kruhu, tak to mu prostě to ignorujeme.

SPEAKER_01 24:17

Before I got clean, I was only interested in the result. I would do anything in order to get what I thought I needed or have a life that I thought was would keep me safe.

SPEAKER_00 24:33

A vlastně pred uzdravadím zaujímavý výsledky.

SPEAKER_01 24:48

Now, after the process of steps one, two and three, the result is none of my business. I have I put in the I connect, I pray, I talk to people, and then I make a decision and then I do the action. What happens is not my stuff. That is my higher power stuff. And in my experience, it's usually not what I want, but it's what I need.

SPEAKER_00 25:22

A vlastně teraz, po tom procesu toho prvého druhého trečího kroku. A ne starácelo to, co to dopadne. Z moje zkusenosti možná povedať, že většinou jak to dopadne není tak, jak by som chcela, ale je to to, čo by som potrebovala.

SPEAKER_01 25:47

Steps four and five I didn't find difficult because I loved talking about me and how bad I was and all the horrible things I'd done.

SPEAKER_00 25:58

A krok 4 a 5 pre mne neby takes zložité because somovala hovoriť o sebe a hovorí o tom a zverstva som probila.

SPEAKER_01 26:10

But it was surprisingly helpful because I saw the patterns. Once I knew what the problem was, six and seven were quite easy because I'd learned about who I really was, not who I thought I was. So for quite a few years I was trying to change myself and everything got worse.

SPEAKER_00 27:48

A vlastně to jsem ale nepochopila. Třeba zbavit moje charaktery chyb. Neže já se musím zbaviť. Takže já jsem sa ich pokusila izbavić a ona to na to boli horši.

SPEAKER_01 28:09

No. When I first got clean, I wanted to say sorry to everybody immediately and thank God I was told the steps are in an order for a reason. Because I'd always said sorry before, but I didn't really know what I'd done and I didn't really care. But when I got to looking at my amends in steps eight and nine, I really understood what I had done, how it had affected people. And they will. And when I did my amends, people could see the difference. That was what made the difference. I think as well. So before I thought what I said was important, but when I did steps eight and nine, it was how I lived every day after that that was important. What I said was not really that important, and that was a big change.

SPEAKER_00 31:04

I vás pretems vždycky chcela nejakú rýchlu odpověď. Myslel som si, že záležil na tom, iba čo poviem. Ale po kroku 8-9 som se naučila, že viac záleží na tom ako nám, ako živej ten svoj život potom čo vlastně poviem.

SPEAKER_01 31:23

Step 10 is one of my favorite steps because I struggle with perfectionism, and step 10 is the step that says you will mess it up. When you mess it up, there's a step for it. So it means I'm okay with messing it up. It's also a really important step because it's the step that stops my day falling apart. I can do something that I'm not happy with and immediately stop, connect, reach out if I need to make an amends. And that's really important because otherwise I do something and then I just keep making mistakes and getting angry because I'm thinking about that first thing I did. Step 11 is an interesting step because in the beginning I thought if I prayed and meditated in the morning and in the evening, I could do what I wanted all day. Now I talk about constant conscious contact. And step 12. Definitely I want to carry a message because it's only the therapeutic value of one addict talking to another. It only works. This is a we program. I can't do this on my own. It's also really important working with others, particularly sponsoring, because I forget how bad it really was. I forget what I was really like. I cannot be grateful for how far I've come, and sponsoring helps me see that. It is easy for me to sit in the meeting and say nice things and behave well. But it's about what I do all the other hours when you lot aren't there. That's the really important thing.

SPEAKER_00 35:59

I was the practice principle of the Moslemit na mitinku a hodinu a hovorí pros pekné tu hodinku, ale záleží na tom, ako sa spravám aj mimo, protože to je väčšina toho času.

SPEAKER_01 36:17

I remember somebody saying to me once, if you were watched all day, and at the end of the day the people watching you were told you were in NA, what would they think of the NA program?

SPEAKER_00 36:38

24-7, and na konci dňa patríš to NH, takže čo by si o NH put mysleli.

SPEAKER_01 36:50

And um I think that's really important. So that's my simple version of the steps, because the steps don't have to be complicated, and when I first read them, I thought I would never understand. But now I breathe the steps, they're in my blood. So how do I do just for today? And what does keep it simple mean in my life? I have a structure, I get up, I get up and I choose recovery in that I pray and I connect.

SPEAKER_00 38:08

Mam na Verezdra, pomodlim sa, budem spojeni, spraem niže a VMC to ten coro si graciba.

SPEAKER_01 38:20

I have a routine because I was told as addicts, we can't rely on our heads, we need help, we need what is it? Hang on a minute. Clever feet and clever hands. Because I will get to a meeting when I don't know I need one or I don't want to go, and I will pick up the phone or the literature before just because I do, not when I know I need it. So my progress, my routine gets me into the day.

SPEAKER_00 41:01

I would drink tako jednoduchosti a robin to by, so if I want to stay in, I go out.

SPEAKER_01 41:12

If I don't want to talk to anyone, I talk to people. And I find that usually works quite well. Meetings are really important. And also the busier my life and the more complicated, the more important it is that I have meetings or people in my life. But I also need to make my life enjoyable. It's my life now, and there's the rule, the NA rule, I mustn't take myself too seriously. It is quite amazing that when I came in to NA I was so broken and ill and I'm a whole different person now. I am reliable and trustworthy and a good member of society, but as it says in the literature, that is not recovery. Recovery for me is that I like who I am.

SPEAKER_00 44:00

But I píše literature, toto nie uzdrowanie. Uzdrowanie pre mne is, že sa cítím dobre sama o sebe.

SPEAKER_01 44:10

I um when I came into NA, I hated myself. I couldn't look myself in the mirror and I couldn't look people in the eyes. But now I can. I think the steps also helped me accept and surrender to being human, which was really difficult because I didn't want to be human. Human is messy and wrong, and does and makes mistakes, and but human is also beautiful.

SPEAKER_00 45:13

Ale ja som ja som nechela byť prostě človeku. Ja som nechela byť ľudský ľudska. Pretože byť ľudským je. Je to neporiadne. A že prostě to som nedokázal, ale vlastne jako programu som sa to naučila.

SPEAKER_01 45:32

When I came to NA, I just wanted to stop using drugs. And I stopped using drugs, and I have no obsession and no compulsion and to use. But I found so much more. It is the solution to living life in a positive way. Also, I don't just use this program to stop me using. I use this program with my physical illness and my mental illness, and my life is growing bigger one day at a time. I am so grateful for NA and I know that however many days, weeks, months, or years I just have today and I just have this moment. As long as I get to bed clean, that's the only thing I have to do 100% every day.

SPEAKER_02 50:10

Thank you.