YOUR TO DON'T LIST

#039 - Your To Don't List.  We all know about a To Do list.  Your To Don't List is a list of your habits or activities that tend to get in your way rather than help you get things done.  All of your To Don'ts add up to a lot of time wasted doing things you really don't need to be doing.  

Transcript

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Hello and welcome to Keys For New Leaders, a podcast Serving Leaders Serving Others.  This is your host, Dr. Charles Boyer, but  that’s just plain old Charlie to you, my friend.  Thank you so much for listening.  I’m happy to be back with you after a long pause.  I took some time to develop and present a new course at church to help develop leaders and better prepare them for service.  The class went well, and now it’s time to prepare some more episodes for this podcast.

It's been awhile, so let’s make sure we re-connect.  If you’re already a subscriber, thank you very much.  If you aren’t, it’s never too late.  Just click on the subscribe button on your podcast platform so you won’t miss any new episodes.  As always, if you stick around to the end of the episode, I always ask a few questions that are just for you.  And, I also include a Special Key for you as well.  So, let’s get going.

This is Episode #39, and it’s all about YOUR TO DON’T LIST.  What’s that, you say?  Well, we all know about a TO DO list.  We all have them, whether we pay any attention to them or we try to ignore them.  What we’re going to talk about in this episode is your TO DON’T LIST – those things that you shouldn’t do.

A TO DON’T LIST is just that – a list of your habits or activities that tend to get in your way rather than help you get things done.  We may not have made a list, but we all have those TO DON’Ts, and everyone’s list is different, ranging from distractions to habits to attitudes and more.  All of your TO DON’Ts add up to a lot of time wasted doing things you really don’t need to be doing.

Usually, we spend a lot of time making TO DO lists, things that we need to accomplish so we can check off each item as we complete it.  That’s good, and it makes us feel good to see the things we’ve completed.  But what about those things that tend to get in our way?  Writing TO DON’T lists tends to work in reverse of the TO DO lists.  We list the things we don’t want or need to do.  That may sound a bit strange, but taking the time to write out non-essential tasks or activities can help us realize just how non-essential some of them are.  Thinking about – and writing them down – can make us more aware and help us stop doing the things that drain our time and energy.

Sterling Miller’s article, “Sterling’s Not-to-Do List,” cautions us to be realistic about what we can truly accomplish.  He also states that just because you don’t like something is no reason to add it to your list.  And if something is totally out of your control, omit it from your list.  For tasks you cannot eliminate entirely, set do-able boundaries.

Now, let’s get down to brass tacks.  What things tend to drain your time and energy?  What are some of those non-essential things that tend to take you away from what you should be doing?  It may be hard to get started on your list, so here are a few suggestions to help you get started on your TO DON’T list.  Start by asking yourself:

·      What distracts me and wastes my time?

·      What do I do that really doesn’t need to be done?

·      What do I put off doing?

·      What do I try to multi-task?

·      How often do I check my phone for messages?

Come on, now, we all do these things in one way or another.  OK, I’ll admit it:  I have more than a few things – non-essential things – that I’ve caught myself doing.  One of them is checking e-mail much too often.  It’s a big time-waster for me, and really, now, how important is it?  Well, I finally learned how to do something about it, thanks to modern technology.  I guess A I isn’t ALL bad.  My smart phone is smarter than I am, sad to say.  I found that I could set my phone to ping whenever there is a new email, and then I can quickly see whether I need to answer it right away…or later…or whether I need to answer it at all.  Amazing gadgets, these smart phones!

Now it’s your turn.  What are YOU adding to your TO DON’T list?  Are there things at work that distract you?  Things you find yourself doing that really don’t need to be done?  Other things that you put off doing?  My guess is that your list will begin to grow the more you really think about some of the things that tend to eat away at your time and energy.

If you need a hint or two, here are several things that others have included on their TO DON’T lists:

·      DON’T – and it’s important to start each entry with a big DON’T – DON’T - let other people set my priorities (except my boss, of course)

·      DON’T – accept unreasonable deadlines

·      DON’T – check my emails more than once an hour

·      DON’T – multitask

These should give you a few items to get started on your TO DON’T list.  Now, what are YOURS?  Come on, dig in and get that TO DON’T list started.

Maybe there are some personal things you do at home that would be better off on your TO DON’T list:  Need a few suggestions?  Here goes:

·      DON’T put off making the bed each morning

·      DON’T try to do it all in one day (whatever “it” is)

·      DON’T use your phone at the dinner table

Now, what about your TO DON’T list?  Do you have a first one in place, or are you still staring at a blank page?  Taking that first step is hard.  A friend of mine joked that taking that first step is like getting the first pickle out of a new jar.  That first one doesn’t come out easily.  After that, it’s a much easier job.

Still stuck?  OK.  Pick just one. Any one.  Just think of something you do that you really don’t need to do.  Write it down and be sure to start your list with a capital DON’T, such as “DON’T check my email more than once an hour.”  Then, come on, what’s another one?  That second pickle should come out easier.  Then the third.

Now, let’s be realistic.  If you have a list a mile long, you can easily become overwhelmed.  Start with a few things that you really can accomplish – you can always add more, and you most likely will.

OK, so you now have a list of TO DON’Ts.  Congratulations!  You’ve made a good start.  But what do you do with a whole list of things NOT to do?  Well, I believe in taking positive steps toward a goal rather than negative steps to avoid that goal.

Take the first TO DON’T item on your list and think how you can turn it into a TO DO statement.  Turn the negative into a positive.  For example, if your statement reads “Don’t check my emails more than once an hour,” how can you turn that into a TO DO?  Maybe something like this: “Check my emails only once an hour.”  The negative becomes a positive, and you are much more likely TO DO that positive statement than to avoid the TO DON’T.  That may sound strange, but it does work!  Positive reinforcement really does work.

Here’s a suggestion:  take a blank piece of paper and make two columns.  Head the first column “TO DON’T” and the second column “TO DO.”  Then, start listing those things you DON’T want to do, and start each entry with a big, capital DON’T.  That’s important because we tend to forget the DON’Ts, and a DON’T statement without that word at the beginning becomes a DO.  For example, Mom says to Junior, “Don’t forget to take out the trash.”  Well, Junior’s ears tend to filter out the “don’t” part of that statement, and guess what’s left:  “Forget to take out the trash,” which he’s more likely to do.   Start each entry with a big, capital DON’T.  You’ll thank yourself later for it.

When you have a few TO DON’Ts on your list, then think about how you could turn that TO DON’T into a TO DO, turn the negative into a positive.  For example, “DON’T use your phone at the dinner table” could become “Turn off my phone during meal times.”  As time goes by, focus your attention less on the TO DON’TS and more on the TO DOs.  When you begin to notice that you are reaching more of those TO DO goals and eliminating more of the TO DON’Ts, then it’s time to take that piece of paper and add a third column, headed “TA-DAH!” like the old circus band fanfare.  “TA-DAH!” You did it!

Be sure to celebrate your wins.  Breaking old habits is hard, so give yourself a big pat on the back when you’ve made that happen.  Think about it – you have reduced distractions and are better able to focus on tasks with higher priority.  You have created healthy boundaries and heightened your awareness of productive and unproductive habits.  You are more in charge of YOU.  Celebrate those wins!

Here are three questions to help you recap what we’ve talked about in this episode, and to help you focus on what you can do.  These are open-ended questions, not a test, and there are no right answers, only the answers that are right for you.

1.    What is number one on your TO DON’T list?

2.    What is one step you CAN take – right now – to begin to turn that TO DON’T into a TO DO?

3.    What is one step you WILL take? (Note - What is the difference between CAN and WILL?)

And the Special Key for this episode is the Key of D for TO DON’T, then TO DO, and finally a big TA-DAH!  Think - DON’T do this, DO this instead, and then TA-DAH!  You’ve done it!

In the next episode of Keys For New Leaders, we’ll talk about what happens When Leaders Don’t Lead.  Sometimes things don’t happen that should, and sometimes things happen that should not When Leaders Don’t Lead.

Until next time, take care, my friend, stay safe and well, and keep turning those TO DON’Ts into TO DOs and then into TA-DAHs!