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Surviving Trauma: Stories of Hope
Surviving Trauma: Stories of Hope
The Power of Group Healing and Emotional Awareness with Sandy Kusano
Unlock the secrets to overcoming imposter syndrome and self-sabotage with Sandy Kusano, a dedicated mental fitness coach whose personal journey is as inspiring as her professional expertise. Sandy shares how the resilience and determination of her grandmother and mother in Korea and Japan have shaped her mission to empower women, entrepreneurs, and executives to live authentically. Their incredible stories of matriarchal strength and overcoming hardships provide a profound backdrop to Sandy's passionate commitment to mental fitness and well-being.
From corporate burnout to coaching success, Sandy's story highlights the critical importance of understanding personal limits and the search for true fulfillment. Discover how she transitioned from a high-flying corporate role to becoming a transformative coach, and learn why recognizing the need for coaching can be a game-changer when you're feeling stuck or trapped in repetitive patterns. Sandy’s insights into effective coaching underscore how finding answers within oneself is more powerful than seeking external solutions.
The importance of mindfulness and being present is explored through Sandy’s practical advice on managing conflict and emotions in both personal and professional settings. Learn to identify and respond to triggers more effectively, and hear about the benefits of interconnected healing through group coaching. Sandy introduces her transformative 10-week Ignite program, designed to help women reclaim their true selves and harness their inherent strengths. Join us for an episode rich with wisdom and actionable steps to elevate your mental fitness journey.
Please support the show on Paypal: PayPal.Me/marlenegmcconnell
Hi there, I'm your host, Marlene McConnell, and welcome to the Surviving Trauma Stories of Hope podcast. Today I have the pleasure of speaking with Sandy, a dedicated mental fitness coach who empowers women, entrepreneurs and executives to overcome imposter syndrome and self-sabotage. Background as a first-generation Japanese, Korean American and her experience living in multiple countries, Sandy brings a rich perspective on the complexities of womanhood and identity. Her podcast, Spilling Out Tea, explores the narratives and experiences of Asian women, creating a space for discussion and connection. In this episode, we'll discuss Sandy's journey, her approach to mental fitness and how she helps women embrace their individuality and live authentically. My listeners. Sandy was so lovely. I enjoyed our time together. I know that you will take great value from this episode.
Speaker 1:As you may know, I recently launched my YouTube channel. My videos will include relevant inspirational personal awareness, self-improvement content, positive affirmations, meditations, visualizations and, of course, the podcast. So please check out Marlene McConnell on YouTube. Thank you to my listeners for joining me on this journey. Comment on the posts on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn and YouTube and let me know what you think of this episode. Also, head to amazoncom, audible or takealotcom and get your copy of my book Ray of Light, and please leave me a rating and review. It would mean the world to me, as always. Stay tuned and keep listening. Hi Sandy, Welcome to the Surviving Trauma Stories of Hope podcast. It's so nice to have you here.
Speaker 2:How are you doing? I'm great.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much for having me, I mean it's not every day that I get to have a sit down with a fellow podcaster and we can bond over. You know the experience of producing podcasts Absolutely.
Speaker 2:No trauma in it, it's all fun really?
Speaker 1:No, absolutely. I love it so much. So, yeah, today we have the pleasure listeners to speak with Sandy. Sandy is a dedicated mental fitness coach and she empowers entrepreneurs and executives to overcome imposter syndrome and people-pleasing perfectionism and self-sabotage. And you have such a unique perspective, Sandy, as a third culture kid growing up on different continents of the world, in different cultures, and it just gives you such a unique perspective that you're bringing to the podcast today and I can't wait for us to dive into that. So, Sandy, why don't you kick us off and explore a little bit more about your background? Absolutely, Marlene.
Speaker 2:So I think my story deserves kind of a little bit further back. So before I tell you my story, I kind of wanted to dive into my mom's story and even my grandmother's story, because I think it impacts who I am today and who I choose to help in the world and be of service.
Speaker 1:Oh, I love that, yes.
Speaker 2:So my grandmother, my family, derives from the northernmost part of Korea, almost the tippy top in the mountains, before it was North Korea when it was just one Korea back, you know, in 1920s, and my grandmother was married off to a fairly well-to-do family but, you know, a life of no choice really. You know you are told who you will be married to and you know, kind of given a prescribed life, very little choice. But my grandmother was a strong woman, you know, mountain woman, kind of Mongolian blood. There was a strong woman, mountain woman, kind of Mongolian blood, and I embraced that part of me that I feel I've been able to embrace and carry forward from her. And so she was a woman. She had six children, five girls, finally one boy.
Speaker 2:She went through a stage where she had, she was pregnant with the sixth child and she did not want it and she was actually going to get an abortion, essentially to you know, she just couldn't imagine having another child in the midst of, you know, poverty in Korea at the time and the seers at the time said, no, it's going to be a boy, it's going to be a boy. So for her, this light at the end of the tunnel, but in reality. Her life, I think, was woven and supported through her daughters. The women were very matriarchal and so, turning into that, it's my mother who is her firstborn child, the eldest, okay. And you know she lived a life where she grew up in occupied Japan, where you know they were kind of told no, your name is this and gave them Japanese names. Again, kind of this very prescribed, scripted life, not having choice, prescribed, scripted life, not having choice. And then the Korean War happened when she was just a young girl and as the eldest she was responsible for taking care of all her siblings. She was six years old and experienced quite a lot of trauma that impacted her as she grew up later in life, and really I only then, later in life, learned about what that generational trauma and generational healing was, because all those compounded effects of prescribed living and limited choice and how that impacted me and how my behavior came through.
Speaker 2:So my mother she met a man. She ended up actually going to college in Japan on a scholarship and met this suave, dynamic Japanese businessman who ended up being my father. And it was only when she was pregnant with me that she understood and realized that he was actually already married and already had child. Oh wow. So he knew that I would have a very limited life in Asia. So she asked him can you put her on your family tree?
Speaker 2:That was the only way to really give me an opportunity in Japan and in Asia at the time, and the choice there was that he had to tell his family. To make that happen, he had to kind of inform his family, his wife, his parents, and in doing so his wife said that's fine, she can be a part of our family only when my mom would relinquish her motherhood. So she had to step away. They wanted to just raise me on their own.
Speaker 2:So my mom had to make a very hard decision and decided to bring me to America, a country that she didn't know the language, she didn't know anyone, except for her sister who had already started living here and so having to come to a country. So much of that is the immigrant story, isn't it To mothers making a choice to make a better life for their child and kind of sacrificing and the amount of bravery and courage that goes in there. So that's, you know, a bit of my story. I came to America when I was four, and in that weaves the story of third culture, kid, and the juggling of Western and Eastern you know, at a time when Eastern wasn't cool.
Speaker 2:I get now that K-drama and everything's really cool, right, and everyone wants to do that. But when I took, you know, sushi or kimbap to school, that was not cool, it was traumatic, you know there was a lot of ew. What is that and? You know, English wasn't my native language Couldn't have been easy.
Speaker 2:You know, it's amazing how resilient we are as humans, because I look back now and it didn't seem so hard and I don't want to give the impression that I lived this traumatic heart experience as a child. I had a very loving, beautiful childhood despite it all. And yet I know that so much of what happened in those early years really impacted who I became as an adult, my behaviors, my habits. That really ended up limiting me, you know, and created this story or this belief system and how I wanted to be in the world and how I had to, you know, in my late forties and fifties, change that narrative and story for myself so that I could live a freer life a freer life, a more joyous life?
Speaker 1:Yeah, and given this background, so diverse, this upbringing across Japan and Korea and you also lived in England? Yes, I did, if I'm not mistaken, I did so. This is such a beautiful multicultural perspective and I can see how this has sort of shaped your work that you do now. But I want to take one step back and I want you to share just a little about the life that you lived when you worked as an executive, because I think there is also so much of that part of your history that informs the way that you help people today.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know, Marlene, my life as an executive was dynamic and really shaped a good part of who I was in the world. I started at entry level in this company this is a Swedish company, multinational company and it was kind of my first real job, so to speak, you know, and I used a lot of the things that my Asian culture, my parents, my grandmother would tell me right is to just head down, work hard. You know, I went in there with an entry-level job, with a master's degree, but at the time that was all I could really get and I really wanted this job. So I kind of went in there with this mentality like I will work my way up, I will show them right.
Speaker 2:So just start me anywhere like, let me get in and I'll just work my way up. Yes, just need an open door. Just need an open door. And let me prove it to you. I had this confidence and it was part of this ethos, my work ethos. So in some ways it was brilliant and great because it did move me up. But I learned after many, many years I stayed with that company for 12 years that it also led to my burnout.
Speaker 2:Right, because I would bring that ethos and I would, you know, burn the midnight candles, so to speak, when I would have projects and just to like, prove that I could be, I was better than everyone else, that I deserve to be there. I deserve to be there. But this job, you know, was everything. It, to me, was the dream job. I got to, as you said, go live in London. I got to travel the world. I got to see places that I, you know, on a company's dime, that I never would have imagined you know there was. I would go to Paris maybe six, seven times in a summer, like oh, my goodness right, like it just seemed phenomenal.
Speaker 2:I learned from this job so many amazing ways to become a good manager, how to treat people well, how to manage people All of these things that I also understood. Now, looking back, that, while I am proud of the job that I did, I wish I had the knowledge that I also understood. Now, looking back that, while I am proud of the job that I did, I wish I had the knowledge that I do today and could go back, because I feel like I would have been able to come up with more courage and more empathy and speak out more. I think I was a very quiet leader.
Speaker 2:Leader and that comes a lot from my Asian upbringing. You know, don't, don't make waves, don't speak against the leadership, and so I feel as though I could have gotten further, and so that is a lot of. Also, what I try to bring through my coaching for women is to help them give the tools as to become dynamic leaders that you know. Quite frankly, I feel like often we're putting these roles with very limited resources, of what to do and how to do it, and how to really sanctify and save our, our own selves, right. We seem to put a lot on the line as far as you know our stress, our health, our physical health, our mental health, and so, you know, I had this, what seemingly was an amazing, beautiful dream job, and yet I still burnt out.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I still hit a wall. And when that happened, the first kind of inclination or thought was what's wrong with me? Yeah, how could you have it all and not be happy or lose all the momentum of that? So it was through that. I kind of went through this metamorphosis, a transformation of trying to figure out who and how I actually wanted to be in this world, like what does happiness mean? What does joy mean? How do you, where does that come from? How do you, how do you maintain it?
Speaker 1:Yeah, so that must have been, sandy, a very conflicting and difficult choice to make when walking away from a very successful career that was so fulfilling, but yet put such a physical demand on your physical body to the point of burnout and then saying, okay, I'm going to go ahead and try to take everything that I have learned and utilize it in a way where I can help others. I read on your website and this is actually so interesting where you said I think you said I used to think that coaching was only for someone with a big bank account. I think you say and I think that is sort of the stigma and the belief that I guess people have is that, okay, I feel like I'm drowning, I feel that I need help, but oh, you know, it's probably going to be. You know only for people with big bank accounts that this is open to. So what would you say are sort of the requirements for someone who needs a coach and who needs the specific type of coaching that you offer? How would they know?
Speaker 1:Okay, now this is the time to reach out. Great question, marlene.
Speaker 2:How will they know? One of the things you'll want to recognize is if you are finding yourself doing the same things, feeling the same feelings, thinking the same thoughts, but wanting a different result.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. That kind of frustrating point that we get to where we feel sometimes stuck Right. Yeah, yeah, partner with you like a coach who can give you the time and space and give you perspectives in partnership so that you can derive the answers from yourself. The mistake I thought I had, as well as many others, is they think that coaching you go in and a coach will tell you, okay, do this and do that and you're going going to be great.
Speaker 2:Right. The reality is there's these, we go through these sessions of questions and exploration, but the true gold comes from these session is that the answers actually come from client. They come from within. It's not me with the answers, it's me there helping client explore to find the answers that make sense for them, because we are, at the end, all unique individuals with unique stories and unique paths forward, and so there's not a prescribed solution that a coach brings that a coach brings.
Speaker 2:I think the beauty of a coaching, a successful coaching relationship, is that it allows for client to really just have space to tap into with their inner wisdom. What do they really want? How do they really want to be? And then from there it's being able to find the right path for the tools that you need. Or you know the perspective and what I love doing with my clients. The beauty of what we do is that we go through mental fitness. So it's just like taking care of your body. We take care of how you think your brain, and it's not just your brain, it's kind of your brain, of your body. We take care of how you think your brain, and it's not just your brain, it's kind of your brain and your body all together, like creating new thought patterns, creating new choices for how we are, because what I learned the hard way?
Speaker 2:it took me 50 years to understand that I was making choices out of survival and fear. I was not designing my life. I was managing my circumstances. I was being given things and just managing. Okay, this is how I'm going to do it and make it great and the great while. It was a weird pause. I took a hard break. I left everything. I traveled through Asia and I'm not saying everyone has to do this, but my moment was more. It wasn't a single declarative moment, but it was this evolution of understanding that I wanted to just really design my life. I didn't want to constantly be just managing various circumstances given to me. So with that, it meant that I had to change how I think, change how I felt about things and change how I acted, reacted to life. And so with that, it takes time and for me, when I started doing mental fitness and taking exercises to help my brain quickly create new thought patterns, make choices, for me that was the game changer.
Speaker 2:Because, it really helped me understand A the root cause of why I did things and then a different option to react to life, and that is something that I love translating and bringing to my clients so that they also have this more ease and flow option of living their life, still being able to be successful, but mitigating the stress and lowering the voice and the volume of that inner imposter that can so often just throw, you know, everything off. Kilter for us, Right and um, and that's, you know, what we call limiting beliefs. Right, they limit us in how our, what our potentials are. So just kind of bringing the volume down and actually listening to the voice that you came into the world with, yeah, your natural strength voice.
Speaker 1:That is exactly what so many people need, and I hear when people say that what you described earlier they have a life, they have everything that works in their life, but they feel like there has to be something better, there has to be something different, something has to change. And then when you sort of prompt them and you say, okay, well, you know if you could do anything else, what would that be? Hmm, that's where they stuck, and I think that's sort of really, sandy, where you come in to sort of help them find those pathways within themselves and discover what they already know, because they already know. I mean, they know what their purpose is, they know what their talents are, they know. It's just a case of the noise is so loud outside, life gets so busy that they don't have the right prompts to really help them to discover it within.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so that's amazing work that you do, and I mean so many people struggle with people pleasing in the workplace. They struggle with just perfectionism having to go over things a million times to make sure that it's right, or maybe not doing something quickly enough because it has to be perfect, and it's so much pressure that they put on themselves. If you're out there and you're listening to this conversation and this sounds like you. You feel stuck, you feel like you have all this pressure, you feel like you're losing direction, or you feel like you have it all but there's still a gap. Then I will leave Sandy's website for you in the show notes and do reach out to her. So, sandy, what do you think are some of the common misconceptions that women have about themselves that contribute to like self-sabotage? Because so often people just they self-sabotage in the workplace, they self-sabotage in their relationships. You know, before the relationship takes off, they already do things that will just sabotage it Absolutely. And, yeah, where does that even come from? So, yeah, what is it that contributes to that?
Speaker 2:Sure, you know we have what we simply do to protect ourselves as children, don't we? We create these ways of thinking and ways of being and reacting to other people to protect our hearts and to protect our emotions. What is challenging in today's day and age is that we don't really give enough emphasis, once a child goes from childhood into adulthood, to unravel the mystery that you don't need to be in survival mode. You know it's really important. Survival mode, experiencing these emotions of fear and anger and frustration, super important. You need those. That's why we're here.
Speaker 2:As humans, right, our ancestors all learned to react to danger signs quickly, but at the end of the day, right now we are experiencing stress and reacting to them the same way, and here's a four example. I naturally have an easygoing, pleasant personality. I like things to be just rosy and just calm, and when they're not, when there is conflict, I have over the years, since childhood, learned my way is flight right, so I withdraw. I run, maybe not physically, but I kind of just pull back. I don't, I didn't know how to have healthy conflict conversations without getting super emotional right.
Speaker 2:Like I had to have a conversation. I'd get really red in the face and tear up and I could. I mean, my heart would be up to here you know, or if there were difficult things, I just wouldn't do them, aka procrastination until I really had to, and there's all these other manifestations of what happens.
Speaker 2:And I guess even regardless of gender, it just happens to anyone and everyone that they react in certain ways and it's being able to understand. Limiting experiences for us is that kind of inner critic that says I'm not good enough, Even when you're at the top, like why is everyone listening to me? Oh no, if I get this wrong, the fall is going to be so much harder. And just feeling the weight of the world, the defensive mechanism of having to. Just I'll just do it myself. Right, I'll just do it all myself, all these things, and not allowing others to step in.
Speaker 2:We all know this one, right, it sounds familiar. It sounds familiar. If it's going to get done, right, it's got to be done by me. I've been there, right, yeah, it's got to get done when I want it done, and all these things, and hey, there's great times and experiences for that. But then there's also times when it starts to become your standard mode of operation, when you have to do it all the time and you feel like there is no other way.
Speaker 2:You mentioned it, marlene, that it starts to encroach on how our relationships are, that impact of your loved ones, everyone closest to you spouses, partners, children, parents. They're all interwoven. I say I'm an executive coach, but in reality I'm a life coach, right, because all of those things can interweave with one another and how we act. And sometimes people are extreme controllers at home and extreme people pleasers at work. That can happen too. So there's all these dynamics and everyone is so individual. So I spend a tremendous amount of time with clients to just figure out their unique blueprint of what their root causes are before we move forward, so that we're not just aimlessly throwing just darts or paintballs at a wall. We're just really being strategic in how we're getting to, how we unravel and kind of upgrade their operating system for themselves.
Speaker 1:You reminded me that many years ago I worked with an auditor and he said you know, when we go on holiday, my wife plans all the holidays. I plan at work all the time. I refuse to plan anything at home. You know, I thought, okay, that makes sense at the time. But at the same time I thought that okay, that makes sense at the time, but at the same time I thought that is so unfair. I mean, I don't know what the wife at home did for a living, but I thought I don't know if I must be that wife planning all these holidays all the time. And then what if he doesn't like it? You know, yeah, time. And then what if? What if he doesn't like it? You know, and so it can be these extreme opposites in different environments and the relationships, you know, they take the brunt of it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and there comes this time of you know, this willingness to be aware and and make change. I love that example you just gave, marlene, because I just came back from holiday where I actually did plan the whole thing, but it was my partner's family like that we were going to visit, and so I made the cardinal mistake of like, oh, I'll just do it because it'll be faster and I know what I'm doing and you know, and so I didn't really include him in it and in his role he never really advocated to be, you know, a willing participant in the planning and so we both were complicit in just a lot of miscommunication. We, you know, initially there was a bit of resentment and argument, like there was a heated conversation, but there was also this understanding like, okay, what did we learn from this and how do we become better the next time?
Speaker 2:So again it's disrupting the pattern, right Like okay, we noticed that we've been doing this frequently and how do we now say let's do this differently? And that's a really powerful choice, whether you take coaching or not, just the opportunity to recognize something needs to shift here and then to take that committed action to make change.
Speaker 1:So that would be creating that awareness and then creating the different neural pathways, a different way of being, different way of doing, but having the awareness to know when you're moving in and out of it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, and the reality is that you might notice it. Once you start to become aware, you will notice how often you go into autopilot mode throughout your day. We all do it. We all just do these things, and so being able to interject pockets of awareness as frequently as possible throughout your day, that's a great mental fitness exercise that you can do. I love that. You know, just taking a normal routine like drinking water or tea, instead of just I got to drink water, like make it a an experience of awareness, right, like how does the cup feel in my hand? How does the water taste going into my body, as it goes down my throat into my body, what's happening there? It really doesn't take much, but it it allows for you to kind of bring yourself back into awareness, and doing all of these little micro pockets of mental fitness exercises really can make a difference in how you go throughout your day.
Speaker 1:I love that. I love that so much. It's also about being very much present in every experience that you have.
Speaker 2:Yeah, in every experience that you have. Yeah, it's one of the things that clients start to discover is that they experience that, oh my gosh, I am always in this autopilot, I'm not present, and when they start to experience it, it kind of is revolutionary for them that there's these opportunities all throughout their day and all throughout their weeks. That can really be little signal, little crossroads let's say right Little stop signs to say like, how do I want to be right now, these moments, instead of just barreling through our day. I got to do this, I got to do that, get through that to-do list.
Speaker 2:And I just wanted to kind of go back to our conversation about relationships and choice, and one of the most powerful lessons that I would love to impart to you and to our listeners is that I was once told what's more important to be right or to be in love, and so when I had these conversations with my partner, I used to think being right was the more important choice, by the way. So when I heard that quote, I was just like mind blown. Like you know, when I am looking back on my life, do I want more moments of, oh my gosh, I was right? So many times I was right, like 90% of the time, or I chose love over being right, you know, and so it's. That in itself has really changed the choices that I make of what to say and what not to say.
Speaker 2:Just being very mindful with your words and the approach. And you know, I think at the end of the day, I think we've all become savvy enough to understand meditation and awareness and being present, but also understanding that meditation isn't always about sitting yourself in a dark room by yourself. There's opportunities that you can become aware, more present throughout your day with other people, and I think that's the key. I think that is where the mental fitness and how I coach clients really get them to become mindful and present as much as possible throughout their whole day. Yeah, that was the game changer for me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that's what I choose to pass on with my clients and sandy, when I was studying, I was studying a part of the heal your life work and our coach said to us our master coach said we were, we were specifically focusing on meditation, and she said let's do a walking meditation. And I remember I was going like what do you mean a walking meditation? Because how can you walk and meditate? You cannot do these two things together. And that was where I learned exactly what you're describing, because meditation is about the mindfulness experience in being present in that moment, being mindful and present in that moment.
Speaker 1:In that moment, being mindful and present in that moment, it's about being able to bring your awareness to something that cup of water or a thought or a breath. It's about bringing it to something in that moment. And you can do that Even if you're going out on a walk. You can bring your awareness to every step that you take. You can. And it blew my mind. I never knew before then that that was the case and once I learned that now I'm so aware of it. It's opened up a whole new world and a whole new ability to experience life and just, I guess, engage with life in a far more meaningful way.
Speaker 2:That's fantastic, Marlene.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And for those that are listening, to become better listeners and to become more present and aware to become dynamic leaders. And to become more present and aware to become dynamic leaders. It could be as simple as okay before rushing off to a meeting, whether on Zoom or in person 90 seconds, just notice your breath. Listen to the sounds around you. Rub the palms of your hands and just feel the ridges. You know just become present.
Speaker 2:It takes 90 seconds, but it can be so much more powerful than just kind of barreling through your day. And you know, even right now, as you were speaking, I was, you know, meditating or listening to the tones of your voice, noticing the shimmer of light off of your earring. Really, you know, listening and being present versus you know, kind of most of us tend to just go into our head, okay, marlene, saying this, what do I say next? You know, or, oh, you know, we get lost in our thought and our thoughts are not really thinking. That's, you know, such a false experience that we are conditioned to believing. And so what would it be like if you are in a meeting with your team and you're just listening to the sounds of their voice or their intonation, looking at them, just experiencing and being fully aware kind of shifts your experience as a leader? Hmm.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so talking about self-sabotage, what advice would you give a woman who are just starting to recognize some of these patterns?
Speaker 2:are just starting to recognize some of these patterns. I would say first bring in the empathy for yourself because it is normal and we all do it, and so there is no room for judgment on what you're experiencing and then start to reimagine what your life could be like if you didn't have, or if you knew how to quiet those voices and there's so many resources out there, for sure. But understanding that you don't have to do it alone, that was a big light bulb, aha moment for me, because I have lived a life where I thought I had to do everything alone. I was born an only child. I, you know third culture kid, I was the interpreter for my entire family. I felt like I always just I could figure it out, I can do it, I'm smart, like I can read X or I can go to this workshop. I why couldn't I right? I've done, I've accomplished so much and I do everything else on my own. Why can't I just do it on my own? And what I've come to really just relish is that I don't need to do everything on my own. I don't want to do everything on my own. That it's actually really nice to have, be in partnership with someone, and I do a lot of group coaching too, which is really healing.
Speaker 2:I have women, you know, in groups of you know, in circles, that is, you know, talk about generational healing. That is how women have healed themselves for thousands of years in all parts of the globe. Right Is that we sit in circles and we help each other heal and so giving yourself these opportunities to learn from the wisdom of others, take in the love from others, to lighten your own load and to start to reimagine life where you can really count on your inner voice and your inner wisdom versus crazy thoughts and noise in your head that are just that noise, absolute noise. So really understanding that you can go into your body, go into your gut, your heart, your brain. I was blown away when I learned that we have as many neurons in our heart than as our brain. We have close to 70,000 neurons in our heart and that means that our heart very often is experiencing the world and then telling our brain what to do. It's not always your brain telling your heart what to do.
Speaker 1:Oh wow, I did not know that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and if you look at the languages that we speak, you know so much of how we interpret. The world is through how we feel right, yeah, yeah, and so it comes from how your heart experiences it, as well as your gut. It is the most primordial organ, your gut, and there is truth to it, because it sits at the base of your spine and those nerves go all the way to your brain.
Speaker 1:So your gut.
Speaker 2:It's not just this old you know wives story or this kind of hocus pocus. There really is magic there in your intuition and your gut, and how it does then inform your brain of what to come right. It is a very powerful tool and so understanding that you have more tools within your own self than just our brains.
Speaker 2:I think we've been kind of conditioned to just think things out all the time yes you know, and it's kind of like trying to build a house with just a hammer, just using one tool. It's ineffective, right? You would never do exactly so to build your life, to redesign your life, to experience your life, you are more you know, adept and able to get to where you need to be when you understand that you have a bigger tool chest than you had originally thought you had.
Speaker 1:Wow, and it sounds like you have everything that we need right here within us, and I think it's so beautiful that you point out that you know. It is also that realization for us that we don't have to do it alone, for us that we don't have to do it alone and there is power in interconnected healing. I was browsing your website and I was looking at some of your coaching work and I came across the program called Ignite. Do you want to share some more and walk us through what that entails and how that can help women improve their mental fitness?
Speaker 2:and how that can help women improve their mental fitness. Absolutely. I love the Ignite program and taking women through it. It takes about 10 weeks and it is the kind of boot camp of mental fitness and we go through this app guided and learning process where they receive content through an app over the weekend and you digest the learning and then the real work comes throughout the week, where we have these bite size gym sessions and understandings throughout the week which, again 15 minutes a day, start to create new thought patterns. And so this is where the difference is in transformation, right. So so many of us have read the books, done, listened to the workshop, we have the aha, but then we don't have the result because we don't actually go through the final step of creating the action to bring that result right. So we gain insight, but we don't take action. So ignite is the ability to start bringing taking that insight and going beyond it into action, creating those new neural pathways, creating new choices, understanding what your natural strengths are so powerful, right.
Speaker 2:So all these things, these negative thought patterns that we have. At the root of them is your actual natural strength, when you get into this world.
Speaker 2:You know your divine being, of what you are meant to be bringing into the world.
Speaker 2:So when you can kind of peel back the layers and kind of bring yourself back to the natural state of who you're supposed to be, your wise self, you can really start tapping into that part of yourself and use it in a way where it's not in a sabotage manner, where it's not, you know, in a hyper mode, and so you know if, for example, you are, if you are, a controller right, yeah, there is a state, though, if you go back to your natural state, you have an amazing sense of taking command, of being organized, of seeing things in a way that maybe others don't, and being able to organize thoughts, actions, people.
Speaker 2:You know there is a way you can be that person without having this negative impact on yourself and others, and so that's also the second phase of what we do in Ignite is bringing yourself back to the state of what we call sage, so that your inner wisdom, connecting to that and connecting to your natural strengths, and learning to become, just as we were saying, more present and aware throughout your day, so that you can be filled with more joy and understanding that you don't have to pause your happiness.
Speaker 2:We've kind of go on this hamster wheel of I'll be happy when I get that promotion, when my business launches, when I have the house, have the car, all those things. But understanding, how can you can just be happy now without all those things, yeah, tapping into your joy. So in seven weeks we start to really see that transformation of understanding in women. And that's what Ignite is. It's just igniting that awareness, that igniting your true you is the best way I can describe it.
Speaker 1:It sounds incredible, Sandy, and I love that it is actually app guided and it has a direct interface with you. So you know, I mean it's fantastic and I think 10 weeks is sort of an appropriate time really to start seeing the changes. And even if it's done in a group, I think I can only imagine the excitement that happens at week seven when everybody starts having, like you know, these revelations and changes, and how beautiful that must be and satisfying, you know.
Speaker 2:Yes, you can experience Ignite in two ways. The one I usually recommend is through the group coaching, because then you'll be with women that are, you know, shared experiences, shared wisdom and, as we were saying, that healing experience of women all together being able to just give each other space to understand and heal. And you know, I think there's just something very comforting in knowing that you're not alone in this. When you, you know, as women share, the heads will nod. People, you know, everyone's like yep, been there, sis, like get it. There is another option to just go through as an individual and then they'd have more one-on-one coaching time with me. So that's also. It is for the woman that maybe has a tighter schedule, that needs things to be scheduled on her terms for now, and that also works too.
Speaker 1:Okay, all right, oh my gosh, we haven't even touched on your book, but I think we need to just very quickly jump in and please just give us, like a high level overview of your book and where we can find it.
Speaker 2:Absolutely so. My book, asian Women who Boss Up it is just a compilation of these dynamic Asian women all throughout the country that have embraced their zones of genius and are out in the world. And you know I speak about my podcast and my coaching, but it's just a continued celebration of the Asian female experience that I'm so passionate about. You know, I'm on a mission here and it's really simple. It's to empower women and girls to embrace more joy in their lives and, as I shared at the beginning, my experience as an Asian woman has deeply impacted me and shaped who I am and how I see the world, and so I take special care in supporting other Asian female women out there, because it's a, you know, for women in general, we don't talk about our mental health and fitness, and then in Asian culture it is even more of a taboo. So just normalizing the conversation and that we all go through some sort of trauma or in some sort of just experience in our lives that shape us, and that it's perfectly normal and it's perfectly fine and to just let it out right, the sooner we can let it out, we can begin the healing instead of holding it in and that's you know. It took me 50 years to understand that and I just want to make sure that I can get it out there so that for the next woman in line, that they don't have to wait 50 years. And I just want to make sure that I can get it out there so that for the next woman in line, that they don't have to wait 50 years. I want them to know when they're 20, 18, eight, I don't know, but it's just, you know, empowering and just um, helping women.
Speaker 2:Because even as mothers, we want to make sure that we do the work, because that's something my clients ask a lot. Right, they start to see when they start to learn about these thought patterns. They see it in their children and they think. They ask me all the time like, oh, how do I help my daughter or my son get through this? And the single most important thing I tell them is do your work. When they start to see the change affected in their parents and there's a contagion that comes when you shift your energy from the negative to the positive, from the survival to the sage, when you do it yourself, it will impact your children. They will want to understand and learn more. So it's kind of like when you're on a plane. They say put the oxygen mask on yourself first.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2:Same idea you just work on yourself, and it will ultimately help your children.
Speaker 1:Sandy, oh my gosh, I could, I could go for another hour. It's just been so wonderful talking to you today and I just want to mention that you also have a wonderful podcast called Spilling Out Tea, and I'm going to link your podcast for the listeners in the show notes. So if you're listening, then please you can head out and check out this very dynamic podcast that is hosted by Sandy Cassano, and you will find way more inspiration and more information on her practice and coaching services on her podcast.
Speaker 1:So yeah, so we've learned some valuable insights into overcoming challenges like imposter syndrome and the importance of living authentically and really true to yourself and staying connected. So if you're looking to dive deeper into your own mental fitness journey, then consider checking out Sandy's program, as well as her podcast Spilling Out Tea, and don't forget to subscribe to the podcast and for more discussions with empowering guests. And remember that your story matters Until next time. Thank you, sandy, bye Bye. That wraps up this podcast episode. Thank you for listening. If you enjoy my podcast, please take a minute to give me a rating and review in Apple Podcasts. Please subscribe in your favorite podcast directory so you don't miss an episode. Please consider following my Ascended Life on Facebook and Instagram for daily inspiration. Thank you so much for spending this time with me. You can catch me again in the next episode. Same time, same place, sending you lots of love and light. Bye.