How do you divine?

DREAMERS GUILT| Navigating Success and Empathy

• How do you divine? • Season 3 • Episode 7

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In this episode, we delve deep into the complex emotion of guilt. Learn about its causes, effects, and how it influences our actions and relationships. Discover strategies to manage and overcome feelings of guilt effectively. Whether you're dealing with recent regrets or long-standing guilt, this video provides valuable insights to help you navigate through it.

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Sanika is a storyteller, communicator, and creator passionate about exploring self-discovery, culture, and the power of words. With a background in technology and marketing communications; she has built a platform dedicated to authentic conversations that inspire growth, challenge perspectives, and amplify voices.

As the host of How Do You Divine?, she invites listeners to redefine meaning, embrace transformation, and navigate life—one word at a time. Her mission? To create space for reflection, empowerment, and deeper connections through storytelling.



Speaker:

Welcome to How Do You Divine the show where we explore the words and concepts that shape our lives. One thought provoking conversation at a time. I'm your host, Tanika Nicki, and today we dive into a topic that's as complex As it is deeply human dreamer's guilt, whether it's walking away from a car accident, surviving an illness, or living through traumatic event that others didn't survive, survival guilt can weigh on the minds and souls like anchors. What is it really? Why do we experience it? How do we navigate it in a way that allows us to live fully while honoring those who didn't have the same fortune? Stick with me. We'll unpack it. First, let's unpack what everyone knows, which is, what is survivor's guilt? Let's start with the basics. Survivor's guilt is a form of self blame that often when someone survives a situation where others didn't or they felt that they benefited in a way where others suffered, that is where that guilt comes from. And I'm no doctor, I'm not a psychologist. I'm speaking from firsthand experience, and you might feel like, why them and not me? Or did I deserve to survive? And these thoughts come up and mix different ways of sadness, of fusion, even shame, interestingly enough, before I dived into a concept that I think I. I've I've come to Coin Dreamers guilt. I wanted to talk about what survivor's guilt meant survivor's guilt isn't a modern phenomenon. It's been documented from war veterans to disaster survivors. Even in literature for centuries, psychologists often link it to a sense of responsibility and morality. So it's a good thing. In a way, it's part of what makes us empathetic in being, then it can spiral into something unhealthy and if left unchecked, both survivor and dreamers guilt evolve feelings of undeserved success or fortune, but they arise from different context and different distinct emotions. Underpinning in this episode, I wanna share my experience as a dreamer and the associated guilt. Oddly enough, you would think as a dreamer, you shouldn't have any guilt. When someone thinks of a Dreamer's guilt, it's actually not ridiculous because in order to dream beyond what you see and what you read. There takes this sense of internal tugging pulling that there is something more, there's something different here. And then getting comfortable with that thought. I don't think anyone wants to be unlike the others. I don't think anyone makes that pursuit. But a little bit more about rumor's, guilt. It is always feeling like you need to do more to deserve your own purpose. To do more to deserve your own blessings is absolutely wired in a weird way, and I can't tell you necessarily where my dream is guilt come from, but I can pinpoint moments where I said to myself, this is not it. This can't be the appropriate way. But always making sure that your internal compass of who you are and how you treat others. And how you allow others to treat you is aligned with your intentions, because often we can get a little beside ourself, as Rete would say, you know yourself and get too comfortable with what is, and forget about what will be and what the purpose is. It is not just to be. It is not just to exist. It is not just to pursue. The notoriety for the people of the fame of the things. It is for a purpose. It is for the people. It is to ensure that we amplify a space where it is comfortable, where it is free to say, I'm not sure where I'm going, but I am confident about my next step. And my next step is not the next step Everyone thinks it should be. It's not the. System or the structure that was laid out for me. There are many people who live a very courageous life and they deserve all of the credit for that because to be courageous means to go it alone. In some way, hopefully with by your side, but it's often to break away from this system or this process of what you were told was definitive. And I think in today's age, we know there's nothing definitive. The concept of finding a good job at a good company and working for 30 years and getting a good pension and then living your life. I think we already have uncovered that hoodwink or to be a struggling artist because struggle is great. No, I think to dream and also to pace is equally important. Take your time like I am with this podcast, one episode at a time. Each concept at a time, ensuring that this conversation in these spaces are not just words over a beautiful background and some clothes and some makeup, but often like really making a difference, creating a space where you can't live, be yourself. And so you want. Not be seen as one thing or another, rather and another. So thank you so much for joining this episode of How Do You Divine Dreamer's Guilt. See you on the next one. Hi. Have you ever watched a show and thought, oh damn, I love that show. Believe the lousy base of LeBron James Rise of Fall is one of the best basketball players ever. He entered the league, not a question, a statement. He is one of the best basketball players ever, argue with your mama. But while LeBron was able to bring along Maverick, who was his right hand guy, his girlfriend, now wife at the time. And raise this amazing family and have this amazing ecosystem. I'm sure there are people he had to leave along the way, and on the early stages, I'm sure there were some sense of guilt about those people. Why they couldn't understand and why didn't they want more for themselves? Maybe they wasn't athletic and maybe basketball wasn't their calling, but doing nothing settling for life that's just to exist and not to live. What kind of life is that? And over the journeys of Dreamer's guilt, it made me realize that just because someone's life doesn't mirror the one that I feel they should have does not mean it's not a bad life, right? So that's not what Dreamer's guilt is. Dreamer's guilt actually originates from achieving personal dreams and success and opportunity, especially others in your community and family and social circles have not had the same. Maybe they don't know who they are or what they want out of life. Is that fair to them or you, for you to feel guilty about that decision? Or is it a sense of responsibility that you feel like, let's just say from a resource perspective, you have five and they have one, so you owe them to share. Often seen individuals who break barriers achieve upwardly mobility and leave behind difficult situations to pursue a better life. The feeling of guilt of even earning a college degree when others in your family couldn't afford to. Guilt is guilt and because I'm someone who believes that your intentions are led in some way by your emotion and your moral compass. I think it's important to talk about this because I often feel some sense of dreamer guilt that stems from. Maybe mom guilt, right? As I pursue this career and building my podcast, this is time I'm taking away from them. This is time that I could be focusing on building my career. Sounds familiar. It might, maybe you felt, or maybe you know, someone who felt somewhat similar. Why do we experience this? It's an odd thing that you are pursuing a goal and a dream that you think will change everyone's life in your ecosystem, but then you're guilty about the pursuit of that dream. I don't know. Our brains are wired for empathy, which is usually a beautiful thing. It helps us connect and care for others, but after the aftermath of a traumatic event, or the same empathy of the twist and the guilt of me wanting to bring everyone with me. Guilt is guilt. There's also a sense of responsibility. Even if there's nothing you can have done or nothing I can even offer, there is still this sense of guilt, this sense of disconnect. So I thought that in this episode, we'll dive into it and see if anyone feels that way. Who do you think you are to dream. Who do you think you are to pursue even that college degree or even that job that you may not even be qualified for? Who do you think you are? I wanna take a moment here to just congratulate you for. putting one step in front of the other, pursuing that dream, big or small, because it takes a lot of courage, it takes a lot of bravery. And the interesting differentiation between those two things is I think bravery happens in a moment. you are encountered with the situation and you need to know, do I fight, do I act or do I submit? And I think in all of us there is some sense of bravery because we want to survive that situation. But courage. Courage is a little bit different'cause courage requires subconscious belief. It requires a level of groundness, a level of certainty that you are acting in a way that is not only best for you, but best for others. You are acting in a way in which your faith and your relationship with God is driving you. I would say that my courage and courageousness stems from my relationship with God. I acknowledge the feeling, the guilt that thrives in the silence. I talk to someone. I trust family members. It exists. It definitely exists. Even as I shift my perspective, knowing that God put me on this path and this journey that he'd like me to pursue. That's why I don't chase anything. So I don't do beyond what I feel in that moment. I create a strategy and I alter it 10 times because I've never wanted to be too much of me and not much of him honoring others through my actions. I dedicate time to. Two, the things that matter. Most importantly, my family, my daughters, I dedicate time to learning. I practice self-compassion a lot. Guilt is heavy, especially in mob guilt. Then there's wife guilt, then there's sister guilt. There's the guilt of the Caribbean. We find guilt in anything. But guilt is heavy. But compassion is so light, and I find refuge in the sun, and I feel like I am light, so I take it one step at a time. There's no perfect way to handle Dreamers guilt. Everyone's journey is different and maybe that guilt steps from something else. What's important is giving yourself to heal on your own pace. Take your time. Everything is not, road was not built in a day. Before we wrap up, I wanna leave you with some highlight and some things that I've been thinking about. I have always journaled and at one point you could say journaling is like doing a diary. Nah, not really. Journaling is about flushing out ideas. So I encourage you to flesh out your ideas, put your thoughts on paper.'cause often they circle in your mind and it's just not healthy. Everyone deserves peace. Dreamer's. Guilt is a sign of a big heart, and that's what I keep reminding myself. It means that we care deeply, but caring for others should never come at the expense of caring for myself, and I know that due to the lovely. Lessons of my grandmothers. If you've been carrying some form of guilt, ICU, I hope this conversation gives you a little space to breathe, to reflect, to maybe even take the first step towards healing. But I. Hopefully I've given you some insight on what it's like and what is Dreamer's guilt? Is it the guilt of pursuing your own dreams or the guilt of not having the ability to bring everyone or maybe knowing that you should? It's the guilt that comes with the pursuit of your dream. But thank you so much for joining this episode, and if this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who might need to hear it. Let's keep the conversation going, because growth happens when we lean in to uncomfortable. Choose to evolve. And until next time, take care of yourself. Take care of each other.'cause this guilt, be guilt. Thank you for watching this episode of How Do You Divine? A Little Snippet of Dreamer's Guilt.