How do you divine?

BALANCE| Finding Harmony Through Faith and Life's Lesson with Chatela Young Eugene

• How do you divine? • Season 3 • Episode 15

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In this episode we welcome Author, Health Coach - Chatela Young Eugene to discuss the concept of balance. We delve into topics such as divine alignment, the role of faith, and the importance of trusting God's timing. Chatela shares her personal journey, highlighting her experiences as a single mother, her struggles with achieving balance, and her year-long spiritual isolation to reconnect with God. She explains how redefining balance as stewardship and focusing on God's guidance has helped her find internal peace amidst chaos. The conversation also touches on the significance of identity, the impact of trauma, and the importance of being present in each season of life. Chatela's journey ultimately leads her to write a book, which unexpectedly unfolds from her reflections and revelations during a transformative period of her life.

Please purchase the book: Redefined: A Single Mother's Journey to Wholeness by CHATELA YOUNG

Thank you for listening and for adding new dimensions to your definitions. Keep growing, keep exploring, and keep defining life on your terms.


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Meet our Founder & Host 🎙️
Sanika is a storyteller, communicator, and creator passionate about exploring self-discovery, culture, and the power of words. With a background in technology and marketing communications; she has built a platform dedicated to authentic conversations that inspire growth, challenge perspectives, and amplify voices.

As the host of How Do You Divine?, she invites listeners to redefine meaning, embrace transformation, and navigate life—one word at a time. Her mission? To create space for reflection, empowerment, and deeper connections through storytelling.


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Speaker:

welcome back to this episode of How Do You Divine And today we are here with Shaila. And we are gonna explore the word balance. Shaila, thank you so much for being on the show.

Speaker 2:

Thank you for having me. Thank you for acting quickly. Yes.

Speaker:

Listen, like the po the audience knows, but I do not play around divine alignment. I really don't win. I feel like God's like move, have this conversation. It's needed. Mm-hmm. I always say there will be barriers when, but I will never be one of them. Yeah. I've traveled with my stuff I'm always ready to share people's experience and also help frame who and what we wanna be in life. Right. We often think that the, the barrier for entries are so high to obtain happiness, success, and even balance, right? Mm-hmm. But I think having discussions like this and being agile and we're in Atlanta, Georgia right now, and being able to have this discussion in such a beautiful space, you know, it just shows you that you have to, just your desire to get something done mm-hmm. Has to be higher

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker:

Than the challenge. Just,

Speaker 2:

yeah, no, you're absolutely right. Because I feel like God has convicted me of that a lot. Um, of, I've given you stuff and you've sat on it, or you've delayed, or you've, oh God, no, my hair's not done right now. I can't hop online and do that. Like, oh God. And then the moment passes, right? Yes. And so he's really like, been on me about that, about, no, you have to get up and move when I need you to move. Everything is very timely and I'm asking you to do it now for a reason. And it's not tied to how your hair, your makeup, your clothes, your whatever. Is that how you feel? Resources, none

Speaker:

of that. Yeah, girl. And that's, it's so funny you said that'cause I kept seeing this, um, quote online about people don't realize the path becomes clear once you start taking steps. Mm-hmm. And we never really think about that. I think just as human beings, we've conditioned ourselves to feel like we need to see the path mm-hmm. Towards our goal. If I, right now my life is chaotic and I'm trying to pursue balance. I need to see what balance will look like before I start moving. Mm-hmm. And when I feel like what many people don't understand and I had to learn, the hard way is God is like, I'm never gonna show you the path. I need you to start walking.

Speaker 5:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

I need you to keep putting one foot in front of the other and let me guide you. But if you think that you need to see the path first and who, who's following who you

Speaker 2:

Right. Then you don't need me. It Right. It creates a dependency. Mm-hmm. Because when you don't know the full picture, you don't know where we're going. You, you are forced to just follow my leadership and be submitted and trust me in that way. Yes. Then I can lead you. But when you have the plan, then guess what we're gonna do? Our human tendency is to take off running ahead of him. Like, now we way over here on the left and we supposed to be way over here, now we're out of alignment. Yeah. Right. He like, now I gotta go rope you back in. Listen, because you badass

Speaker:

is, now I gotta pull you back in because you wanted, so, and I just think that's who we are. Right. Depending on where you are in your life, when you pursuing balance and when you're. Suing something. Mm-hmm. You, you need a level of certainty. But I always have to even remind myself constantly, sonika, if you are certain you are without faith mm-hmm. You are without faith. Because if you need one plus one to equal two in order for you to move, then you not operating with God. You operating based on your own logic. Mm-hmm. And I'm like, all right, sneaking on, gather yourself. Yeah. You know, but that's really what I usually do. And so now I just start, I just start taking steps. Yeah. And I let God unfold.

Speaker 2:

No, I love that. Because if it doesn't feel too big for you, then there's no room for God. Right. If you have that confidence to where you can, like, I got it. I got, let me, then we, you haven't left that space. Yes. And for God to move

Speaker:

and, and he gives you that confidence, he gives you those sense of balance only to propel you forward. Mm-hmm. Right. And that's why I think many of us, especially in our community, we don't know balance'cause we are so accustomed to chaos.

Speaker 5:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

Do you understand what I mean? And. So anytime God is like, but I can't, I can't use you in this state.

Speaker 5:

Mm-hmm. I need you

Speaker:

to find balance so you can find clarity. Mm-hmm. And it, it sometimes feels uprooted. Right. And then that's why I think these conversations are important because people often think that balance and happiness and the things that really drive our lives are overly complicated when they're really not. Mm-hmm. It, it takes a great deal of faith. Yeah. So tell me, you're an author. Yeah. Tell me, tell me how you have found balance.

Speaker 2:

So, I first redefined balance, and it wasn't an act process. It wasn't like, Hmm, let me sit down and think about what balance means. It really was more so of a revelation of before I thought, because for a long time I, I was a single mom, so it was me, two kids in diapers or whatever. So I'm doing all the things, all the

Speaker:

things. 4,

Speaker 2:

2 20, 4 7, right around the clock. Geez. And so, and then I'm flying. At the time I was a flight attendant Yes. For a long time. And so I'm. Doing that. So I'm traveling in the midst of all of this. Right? So it was a lot. And at the time I really thought balance was perfectly weighing everything. Everything getting all of me all the time. 100%. Right. And that's what I was striving for. And I was failing.

Speaker 5:

Yes.

Speaker 2:

And so then I felt like a failure and I felt like, okay, but I'm not doing that. Yes. I can never cheat. I'm like, okay, well then maybe if I just time block, maybe if I just, if I do it that way. Yeah. Okay. That didn't work. All right. Well maybe if I just set aside certain days. Mm. This day is gonna be already marked off to display with my kids. Yes. And this day will be open if,'cause I need to be a good sister. Yes. And a good daughter. You need good friend. I need to block off a day. Yes. To like leave open for events, right? Yes. Okay. No, that didn't work. So I'm going through all these iterations trying to create what I'm thinking is balance. Not until maybe the last year, six, eight months of my life have I realized. Balance is just really stewardship. Mm. That's what true balance is. Yes. God has said, I have made you a, a wife, I have made you a mother, I have made you a daughter, a friend, all these things. Right? I have given you certain giftings, right? I'm a health coach, so I have called you into this space, right? Yes. I have given you ideas and revelation that yes. I need you to act on, right? Yes. And so all that this requires of you is to just steward it. Well, yes. And maybe in, in this day, in this moment today, your business doesn't get 100%. Maybe today your kids need 80% of you. Mm. Maybe that business can only get an hour today. Right. But in that hour, you give it all you have, you sit, you focus, you have clarity, and I don't get it right all the time. Yeah. I'm still trying to like, you know, go with the ebbs and flows and, and give myself grace and all these things. Sometimes, yeah. Good stewardship is taking a nap. Taking a day off completely. Unplugging rest is not an award,

Speaker:

it's a necessity. Right. So we're called

Speaker 2:

to rest and the Bible back and forth. Yes. It talks about rest and Sabbath and everything. Like it's very important to God.

Speaker:

Yeah. But, and I love how you said that some days I get it wrong and I always remind who defined right and wrong. Mm-hmm. On a day that you showed up for the people you loved. Mm-hmm. Right. And sometimes that's us just getting in our minds and throwing off our own balance, if I'm honest. Right. Throwing off our own ability to be present.'cause to me that's balance is that simple. I'm so big on simplification because often like things seem so inaccessible to people when it's actually very accessible when you break it down to layman terms. Mm-hmm. Balance is being present for me. Right. And that means whatever room I occupy, whoever I'm sitting in front of. Mm-hmm. They have my presence. Right. That's why I'm horrible below text message girl.

Speaker 2:

I'm too, I'm like, charge it to my mind and not my heart. If I see you four days later, if it's still sitting in the little box and I'm like, I did not it. And you know what, you know when you

Speaker:

think you sent it in your mind, in my brain, it's still there. I responded and I never did. But, but if you call me, I'm locked in and we can wash the dishes together. It's all of that. Yeah. So to me, balance meant to be present, but like you said, you found, you tried all these different strategies and you came back to balance the stewardship. Yeah. Right. And then writing a book. Tell me more about how that process, what made you go, oh, I'm gonna write this book.

Speaker 2:

Um, well, I, I didn't set out to write a book. I didn't, I, um, oh gosh. I don't know how far back to go. As far back as you need

Speaker:

to as far, because I think, again, people need to hear this, right? People think that every achievement you come across is something that you planned out, you had a vision board for. Mm-hmm. I, while I appreciate that manifestation and those actions to get there, it actually makes me sad because it makes me feel like people don't leave the room God for God to show up. Yeah. So I love that you said I didn't need to write no book. I didn't.

Speaker 2:

I ended up with a good book. Well, the, the name of the book is Redefine a Single Mother's Journey to Wholeness. And I think I finished it about three years ago. Um, but this was, I don't know, maybe 2021. And I had this come to Jesus moment, right? Um, I had been divorced a couple years. I had gotten back out. I was trying to date and all,

Speaker:

you know, all the things, all that

Speaker 2:

chaos, right? Found myself in a whole lot of situ, not a whole lot of, let me not do that because two situations

Speaker:

be pinpoint that just so are clarified.

Speaker 2:

There were a few, a few situation ships. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Situation ships. And it's, it's like I would just kind of find myself in it, right? I would look up and I would be like, how am I in this gray area with this person? Like, I'm looking for black or white, right? I'm looking for, um, restoration right. Of my family. All these things. How do I keep finding myself here? Right? So I had this moment, um, very transparently. Mm-hmm. I was spending time with this person, went, found like hair all in the bathroom wasn't mine. Right. And I'm like thrown off'cause I'm like. I, I thought we were trying, like we had specifically said, I thought we both had goals. We were going try, right? And I'm finding I went into FBI mode and I'm comparing hair. Listen, now you expect the gadget. And listen, I'm not even looking. This hair is early

Speaker:

with blonde streak. Yes. From, I believe about three months ago. She actually needs a push up. This is not me. This is not me, sir. This is not me.

Speaker 2:

It's not, I literally, I think I had like this like, um, half wig thing on. I like plucked a piece out and I'm like, come Mary, not you. What she said,

Speaker:

she said, I'm gonna certain One moment.

Speaker 2:

Okay. Um, but's the thing too. See, God, you don't have to always go looking for things. God will reveal, reveal them to you every time.

Speaker 3:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2:

All right. So found this out. And then it comes out here, you know, like I've been spending time with this other person. I was devastated. It literally felt like a punch in the gut. Because I'm like, I'm trying. Yes. Right. And I'm thinking that we're on the same page and it just hurts so bad. So I go home, I'm so upset, but I, what I realized is that almost five years to the day I had, God had revealed the same thing to me. Almost five years to the day God had revealed.'cause I prayed my granny, she told me, she was like, you know, Shaila, just randomly, she was like, you know, when I was um, younger, I used to pray and ask God, God help me not to walk in darkness. And I was like, Hmm, all right. That's interesting. Didn't feel a need to pray that prayer. I was dating my ex-husband at the time didn't feel the need to pray it, but I was like, okay, God, help me not to walk in darkness. I kid you not. Within two hours I'm sitting at the nail salon and I get this book about how he had been going back and forth and all these things. When I tell you my mind was blown. It was kind of like middle school friends, all these things. You think that like you have all this history and Yes. Like you can trust this person so much. You kind of put'em on a pedestal. Really? Yes. It was like devastating. So five, almost five years to the day, that situation, to this situation. And I realized God reveal it

Speaker 5:

to you.

Speaker 2:

Oh my gosh, I'm going around a mountain, I'm going around in circles. I've made another loop around this mountain. So I'm like, in that scenario, God opened my eyes, but I was so desperate to be loved and desperate in that situation and broken and all these things that I said, ah, you know, I also wasn't in alignment with God and my relationship with God.

Speaker 5:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2:

So I wasn't taking his revelation for what it was as a warning.

Speaker 5:

Mm.

Speaker 2:

So I forged for it, ended up married and divorced. Not after you prayed the prayer. He showed you the thing you like. Thank you Lord. But I'm gonna take that for, for

Speaker:

later.

Speaker 2:

Right. Right. Right. Crazy craziness. Oh, absolute craziness, right? Both.

Speaker:

You are.

Speaker 2:

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But see, at the time I didn't even see it as that because it didn't seem that like black or white. I, I think I was so caught up in my emotions.

Speaker:

Yes.

Speaker 2:

Right. So then now all the emotions and I'm sad, and then he else are so sorry. Has

Speaker:

a way of like teaching you, like, I feel like my grandmother was said this to me as well, where she was like, God is always talking to us. Mm-hmm. First is whispers, then it's pebbles. Then he starts throwing rocks and he was like, when the rocks don't work, he shuts the door in your face. Mm-hmm. He was like, because each and every part of that journey is for you to trust him. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Right. He's like, I'm not showing you this to hurt you. I will never forget, I was on the phone with my therapist, this was years ago, and I was telling her like, I just feel. Like, again, when I wasn't on the podcast for like a year and change,'cause I was like, I don't wanna

Speaker 3:

be

Speaker:

famous. I just wanna

Speaker 3:

be a part

Speaker:

of building something that changed the world, but I don't need my face out there. And she was just like, but sneaking your grit. And I'm like, it's not about that. It's just genuinely not my personality to be like, yeah. You know what I mean? I just, I'm cool. Like I'm cool. I don't need all that.

Speaker 2:

Mm-hmm. Right.

Speaker:

And um, I remember her talking to me and she was like, but do you believe God is using you? I was like, absolutely. Mm-hmm. And she was like, so why are you so afraid? I was like, because it's scary and I don't want to Yeah. I kid you not. I was like, and if I'm honest, sometimes I'm genuinely afraid of what that will bring. Like, I love my family deeply. Mm-hmm. To me, you can tell, I always say like, I'm already rich in life. Mm. Like my daughters are, well, my husband's amazing. Take all the money, take the houses, take all the shit. I'm cool. Put us in a island by herself and I will live and die happy. Me, like, I genuinely love my family. Mm-hmm. So I'm always, so I said to her, to me, it's scary. I never want to jeopardize my nucleus. Right? Like, these are my, like, these are my hearts. Like I need them. Right. And as I said that, as I said that my Bible app, which I did not have the notifications on, right? Mm-hmm. And you would think, this is crazy, but I swear to God pops up the, the script. I don't mean to harm you. Everything I do for you is for your will not to hurt you.

Speaker 2:

Talk about a message, girl, when I

Speaker:

tell you my

Speaker 2:

whole body Yeah.

Speaker:

Lifted. And then I started telling her, and then when I said weeped, I could not, my eyes could not stop crying. I was just like, that's powerful. He literally, the, and you know how it pops up with, I mean, not to harm you. He was like, everything I do for you is never to harm you. And I'm just like. Jesus, God, you know, I'm a nobody out here like it was so, yeah. Hard for me. Yeah. And that's why it was just like, again, I said, get in front of the camera. I said, do it like, I, so I hear you where you're just like, you saw that? Mm-hmm. And he was like, fine. You're not at the place where you can see balance the way I need you to.

Speaker 2:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

Here go again. What you gonna do now?

Speaker 2:

Yeah. And that's exactly what it was. It was a, a, a massive like wake up call. Like, oh wow. Okay. I know very intimately the repercussions of what happened last time and not making the decision I knew I should and kind of choosing through a lens of my trauma. Mm-hmm. And letting my heart kind of propel me in that kind of way and, and being so desperate. Yeah. For, for what I should have been getting from God. So I said, all right, I gotta choose differently. So on that day I said, you know what, God, that's it. It's me and you. For the next year. I was like, no men, no sex, no dating, no, no. It is me and you. And we are locking in together. Right? I've always, I grew up in the church. Yeah, all these things had a relationship with God, but it was like, no, I've been trying to get certain things from the world or from these men or whatever, love, validation, all this stuff, and I need to learn how to get that from you. And I said, this is, this is me and you. So then for that next year, I sat, and it was me and him, and I was living with my dad at the time. And it became a year because there stuff started happening and it's like, it's time for me to go. It's time for me to leave. And I went and got a year lease. So I'm like, I'm, he physically moved me to a place of isolation. So physically and spiritually, I was isolated with him for that year. And when I tell you he. He revealed to me what love really is, what it should look like, what it should look like in a partner. Right. Um, he revealed more about my identity, so much restoration and things like that happen. He, he validated me. Everything that I have been, had been looking for, searching for, and needing because of my own Yes. Wounds and whatever, like trying to find in men. Right. God was like, I got you. I can feel you. Right. I am your creator. I got, I got the manual right. I know how to go back to the factory setting hard reset.

Speaker:

I, I always feel like that's why in trials and tribulations, I'm more quiet than I am.

Speaker 5:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

Heartbroken. Right. And, and mad because I, I have been a testimony of there, those are the moments where God is like, I need you to be wounded.

Speaker 5:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

I need you to see trauma so that I can use you in a way that I could use. You. Mm-hmm. Because you need to feel it. You need to know it. Because when I send you out in the world, we are all part of his kingdom. When I send you out as a warrior, I need you to be able to communicate and articulate my light in the way that it needs to. Right. So that's when people are like, well, if there is a God, then why are bad things happening? And I'm like, first of all, we're at war. Mm-hmm. Like, let's be clear, like That's right. The people have free will. There's free will. Yeah. The devil's very active. Like there is, there's a lot of things happening, but when you are part of the kingdom of Christ, he needs you mm-hmm. To go through your human trials and tribulations so that you can properly be used. Mm-hmm. Because if you didn't go, I'm gonna isolate. People are like, isolate girl. What? Why? But you're like, it's deeper than a partner. It's deeper than love. It's me not understanding, like you said, those factory settings. Mm-hmm. What is love? What is balance? What am I needing in this season of my life? And also understanding that there, there it is. Just seasonality. Yeah. Right. Often we, it's kind of actually one of the reasons I have this, I love this tattoo and everyone's like, I don't understand what it is. Right. And my, my tattoo artist when he did this, he said, this is the most selfish tattoo I think I've ever done. He's been doing tattoos for like two decades. He was like, this is the most selfish statue I think I've ever done. Yeah. You are literally the only person that can enjoy this tattoo. It is a sunrise.

Speaker 2:

Mm-hmm. I mean, oh, it's a sunrise. Yeah. Yeah. Right.

Speaker:

And it's the selfish, yes. He was like the most self statue ever. And to me it was a reminder. Right. And I of like, God ensured that every day RI starts and ends with the most beautiful thing every single day. So any single thing that happens in between is just a lesson. Because if I give you another sunrise, I am still crafting you. I'm still working on you. Do you understand? And sometimes we get so lost in the, in between the beauty. Every day starts and ends so beautifully.

Speaker 2:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

And we just, we forget that, oh, he's gonna gimme another beautiful sunrise in the morning.

Speaker 2:

That's, that's beautiful. Yeah. I actually, this tattoo that I have on my ankle, I had gotten it with the, the whole premise of bloom where you planted. Right. And it really came out of the season as well of, it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter where you are. Right. What season it is. Yeah. I used to, especially during that time there, there were so many things that I wanted to do, business and all these things, but I'm like, okay, I'm a single mom. I have two kids in diapers.

Speaker 5:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Logistically, there's only so much that I can do sometimes. And I used to struggle with that a lot because I'm like, I wanna go a hundred miles per hour, but I can only go 20. You can sometimes only go five. And I'm like, I wanna go faster, I wanna do more, I wanna, right. And then I got to the point where I felt like. If I wasn't, I was settling and I was, I was getting complacent. I,

Speaker:

I was getting angry in that same season in my life. I was getting angry. I was there. Mm-hmm. I had two toddlers in my bed, and I'm sitting on the bed like, I'm gonna be great. I'm intelligent. There's gonna be greatness that comes from me. This is that. And then, and then like, it's like, it's like crazy people. Right. Then there's another moment I'm like, oh, girls, come listen down. Now you wanna come up with them? Yeah. Watch it while sleep. Yeah. You wanna watch them while you sleep, but then you also like, damnit, I could be out building something and throw something right now and I'm not, and then you feel guilty. Then there's the guilt. Then it's like, am I settling in life? Oh god, dear Lord, I'm settling in life. This's gonna be my life. I'm gonna be one of those people that their life only about their kids like you. Yes. Yeah. Then you, there's an aroma of guilt. Mm-hmm. And then I have to remember, see it's season. It's a season now. My kids are so much older and they're watching me build. Oh, beautiful. Yeah, girl, when I say God's timing Yeah. Chef's kiss. And that's what has allowed me to like really understand balances being present, be present in the season that I've given you. Mm-hmm. Because listen, I I, we made the choice. I have kids early and so like, you know, so you see your friends getting these internships, doing these jobs, flying around and I'm like, I'm smarter, but I love you.

Speaker 2:

It's hard. Yes. It really is hard. But see me, I felt that too, but it was more so the enemy was like playing in my ear.'cause I'm, I'm divorced, right? Yes. Divorced a single mom. I had ran from being a single mom my whole life. Yeah. And for me, not only was I in that space of seeing other people excel and go in their careers and all these things now got the enemy was Yeah. And I'm divorced and there's stigma. Yes. And shame all this stuff around it. And the enemy was kind of using that to be like, see, see this what she worked so hard for it. You see other people doing it and look at you just sitting over here doing, basically just doing nothing, divorce all these, right? So I, in that season, God, he kind of revealed to me you can be content without being complacent. Girl. You can be content in this season. That doesn't mean you got, I mean, doesn't mean that, it doesn't mean you found peace in it and that's okay. So you planted you balance. Yes. And you found

Speaker:

balance. Right. And I think we need to remember what is for us with will always be for us. Like Ika, we said what I feel Jasmine about, I feel Yeah. Like seriously. And we need to understand that we aren't the one that designed the plan. So how dare we think we should be the one to say. Go. Mm-hmm. We should be the one to say upscale. We should be the one to say move. Yeah. When God is like, oh, just because I gave you some visions. You think you

Speaker 2:

the orchestrator now you think you orchestrator on your town Now the, that's we, the, that's that's right there. Then we start thinking, oh, we, the boss, we do a lot with a little bit. Okay. And

Speaker:

he said, as he said, a mustard seed, this is all I need. Like stay out my garden. Right. Stay out my garden. But it's under becoming more disciplined. Understanding that balance. Right. That you need to find that within yourself to know that although you feel like you are drowning, you're actually rocking pretty steady. Mm-hmm. Right. You're actually rocking pretty steady because God is teaching you something in this season you need to learn. That's why for me now, I've, I've gone through so much in life that every single thing, I'm like, what? What am I supposed to learn here? Yeah. And sometimes I get frustrated. I'm like, what's the. What's the premise? Yeah, Lord. Because this is irritating me. Like, you know what I mean? Like, help me. Yeah. And honestly when I do that, it becomes so play. Mm-hmm. And sometimes it's not stuff I like, but when I'm like, dear Lord, help me see the lesson here. You ain't even got to tell me plan. Yeah. I'm just like, show me.'cause one thing I hate more than anything in the world is wasting my time.

Speaker 5:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

So I'm just like, Lord, help me. And he makes it clear sometimes within days. Mm-hmm. And also brings peace and balance.'cause I think we often get so frustrated in our own chaos, in our own doings. We don't even realize we're rallying up ourselves. Father God is like, look at here. Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2:

Look at, look at, look at this. It did here. Yeah. Whenever you are ready to take it off your shoulders and lay it at my feet. I'm just sitting right here waiting for you. You've picked up all this stuff. A lot of it I didn't even ask you to. You're carrying stuff that I, a, a load that I never intended you to have. Of because of you, your own, on your own volition. You don't went and picked up all this stuff and now you're like, Lord, I just, I just can't, but okay, put it down. I didn't tell you to do that.

Speaker:

But the same thing with these labels and the stigma, right? I'm divorced, I have two kids. Yeah. He said, I'm sorry,

Speaker 2:

who's shy you? Mm-hmm. And that's what he told me during that time. When I tell you before, I used to feel so because I had worked so hard that that star student that super achieve and I'm gonna be so great. And it was like, I felt like I had gotten knocked way down. Right. And I would feel such an insecurity around it. You know, of course there's comments and online and single moms because people are real root. But you know what? Coming outta that season, there wasn't a thing you could tell me. You weren't, it was not a thing that you could tell me. Yes, it was. Oh, okay. Oh, you, I would, so then I had, when I had finally came on that season and I had to kind of open myself up to meet people, which actually I kind of delayed a bit. It was longer than a year. It was about a year and a half. Yes. Because I had gotten so content that I was like, I don't, I was just not gonna invite chaos into my life. Yes. I'm actually okay being over here by myself with, I think before I was scared of that. Mm. During that season, I had gotten so filled with God. It was like, I'm okay. I'm not running back out into these streets. Right.'cause because

Speaker:

you're no longer in pursuit of something.

Speaker 2:

Mm-hmm. No, I'm like, it will, it will come. And literally when it happened, my cut, he brought him to my door. But I, when I started going back out there and you know, I would meet people. Oh yeah. I don't, I don't date single moms. I'm like, oh, okay. Well it was so nice meeting you, you know, and, and move along. Right. And it was okay. It was like, that's your preference. That's alright. No worries. We not meant for each other because my prayer is that the guy, the man that God sends to me, he's gonna love these boys. Like they got their, his DA listen run through they vein. And that's what he did. That's what he sent to me. So I'm like, well, obviously it's not you. Thank you for helping me. I appreciate,

Speaker:

but that's what I'm, but it's coming to that place. Right. It's finding that peace. How did you do that in that season, right? Is that a lot about what, what, what's in the book?

Speaker 2:

Um, well, kind of, it's not, well kind of. So in the book, it really starts by going back, well, I guess, let me go back to writing the book. Yes. So when I set out to do it, I didn't set out to write a book. I was like, I'm gonna write this little PDF on it was gonna be titled My Year with God, just a quick little PDF. But then I was like, well. I can't just start here.

Speaker:

Not you just trying to write a blog and God's like, yes, I was. It was be a little, a little something, little recap. Why put together my blog post and God's like, look at this. Look at this. Right? Come look at this. Somebody come look at this. He was

Speaker 2:

like, no, no, no, no. Oh, and I was actually following an online ministry at the time, and they were like, we're gonna have a writer's workshop and then the month of January we're gonna all get together and we're gonna be on Zoom together, like holding each other accountable and we're gonna spend like eight hours and we're gonna sit down and do time blocks and write our book. I'm like, what are the chances? Right? So in December, I had decided to write this PDF January, they make this announcement. Mm. So I was like, well, I can't just start here. I can't start in the middle of the story. I gotta give you the backstory. I gotta give you context around my brokenness that even led me here. Yes. Right. So I was broken beforehand and I thought that that brokenness that I. That I felt and that I carried with me. Mm-hmm. You think, oh, people say Timem heals all wounds. No, it does not.

Speaker:

Yeah. It's not

Speaker 2:

time. It's still there. It's time and effort. I'm always right. Time, effort, and personality. You

Speaker:

don't just, I'm like, the sentence don't end there, right? No, no, no. It's

Speaker 2:

just not just, oh, that it was 10 years ago. I No, no, no, no. You have to still deal with that thing. If you don't go, if you don't go through it, you can't get to the other side. Right. Like, you have to and it's ugly and it's painful and you, it is uncomfortable, but you have to go through it. Right? Yeah. So, I, um, sorry, I thought you, I thought you was trying to be like, y'all got, um, all right. I gotta like, um, so

Speaker:

you started, did, you started at, I need to give you the context of the book before I, I can help you understand the, the healing part,

Speaker 2:

right. So the broke, so I thought, okay. The brokenness Was there still there? I acknowledged it in a sense. Right. But not really. And I realized that so often we try to like bury it away or sex it away or eat it away or whatever. It doesn't work like that. You have to confront it head on. Right. I just,

Speaker:

well, the show was reported over a month ago mm-hmm. Where we talked about brushing things under the rug. Mm-hmm. And I was like, I don't operate in any room that got stuffed, stuffed under the rug. Yeah. We are gonna be empathetic to each other and we're gonna have the discussion, but I'm not tips around all these lumps. Yeah. Like, they're acting like they're not there. Acting like they're not there.'cause I think culturally we've made that a norm. Yeah. And an effort to, we keep thinking it's time. Mm-hmm. Like we can just pass through like, oh, this hurts if I just hurry up past it. Mm-hmm. Like, like we racing past it. If I just hurry up past this, it's, it's not, it's not gonna hurt anymore. And it's like, actually no. Mm-hmm. It's gonna hurt longer actually.

Speaker 2:

Mm-hmm. It will time because you're gonna have to time. That's why you have people that's 30, 40, 50 still dealing with childhood trauma. It's showing up in your relationship. 60, 70,

Speaker:

80.

Speaker 2:

Yeah. Yeah. When my

Speaker:

grandmother passed away and the I am like un, I, I know. I feel like I was anointed the family mediator. I, since I'm a child, I don't know how I got this role. I don't really like it, but it still got me. Right. And when my grandmother passed away, the conversations, the perspectives that for the decisions that they wanted to make went back until they were elementary school. Well, when I went to school and I'm like, I'm, when I tell you I'm listening and I'm trying to find solution through these problems, what hurt me the most is that a lot of what you guys are fighting about happened 40 plus years ago. Mm-hmm. 40 plus years ago. And if at any point someone said, these lumpy rugs, ain't it for me. Yeah. I'm deal with that. Let's just talk, let's just talk about it. You guys could have healed on that, but actually what time did was made the lumps higher.

Speaker 2:

They did. So that's what I talked about in the book I, I referred to as trauma monster, right? All this stuff, all that it like, it creates like this almost this ugly, dark part of you, right? And maybe a small at first, but that me, specifically, what I started doing based off of the, my trauma that I held, it was needing that validation for men, needing that cat call, needing that. Like, Hey girl, I see you woo woo. Right? And that right and that, guess what? That trauma monster grew and grew and grew and grew, right? And it started dictating certain behaviors. So when God clearly answered a prayer in my mid twenties regarding this relationship, my trauma monster was so big and loud at that point that it overpowered him. It was like, no, no, no, no. But see, you don't want him to. Y'all have bonded so much. You don't want him to go back to this person, just stay and figure it out. Right. It had become so long that was, it's bigger, the wind and the voice, and it was the, it was bigger than the voice of God. My trauma was my, the voice of my trauma was bigger than the voice of God.

Speaker:

Oh, that happens. So, and that's where it led me so much. And I love how simplistic you put that, right? Because I think we all feel like, we all know we have intuition, right? Mm-hmm. We have a gut feeling in how we operate, but we don't realize how traumatic experiences, negative interactions build slowly builds up this monster inside of you. Mm-hmm. And then you start showing up as that person. You don't realize that like legit, they have overtaken. Mm-hmm. You and your identity. And your identity. Therefore you are no longer connected to the father. Mm-hmm. Because you now are operating hollow. You are just the shallow monster. Of that incident that has grown. Mm-hmm. It's just stacked upon something else. Oh my gosh. Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Again, that's how the enemy uses it.'cause he's after our identity. Number one, he wants to take out your identity. Right. Because that's what God gave us. He gave us our identity. He said, I purposed you, I gave you, um, I I I purposed a plan for you for your life, what you're gonna do. You know, all these things. Um, I made you, I said, who you are? I gave you your identity, girl. You and the enemy comes in. Like, you can redefine that. This

Speaker:

is so crazy. So I found a church home, which it's been long overdue. Mm-hmm. But I found a church home.'cause I, I'm a hopper. I'm also, I'm an active visitor. Yeah. I visit, see, I'm like, I let it going. I'm always like, I'm for the streets in the context of the Lord. I, I, I'm for the, in the church streets. I'm the church streets. Like he had me ministry, Starbucks that, but I found church home and part of what. The pastor was saying that like me and my daughter'cause me and my, it's our, I bring both my daughters, but me and my oldest, my teen, like that's our, we like to go every other Sunday. Just her and I, she feels like that's our mommy and me time. That's sweet. And I'm like, you know, everybody gotta go the little house. You gotta stop. But, um, he said he can't harm you'cause the devil knows his limitations. Mm-hmm. He can't harm you but so much. Mm-hmm. But what he can do freely without limitation is distract and discourage you. Mm-hmm. And because we know how much, he knows how much power he has in those two realms. Mm-hmm. That's why he, that's the root, that's the root of the tap. Mm-hmm. You, you think no girl, you the ain't nobody want you girl. Mm-hmm. And even body girl, you big, ain't nobody want no big girl. And they start telling he, and it's now the identity. It's trying to come for your identity. But that's why you, and that's why I always say it's so important. To teach your children Christ from the mo. Mm-hmm. They know Miss Rachel and tab time. Mm-hmm. Well, tab time you're doing a good time. You tell them, but they should also know the Lord. Yeah. They should also know the Lord. Because that, I feel like once you are rooted in Christ, you know, you get distracted, you get, you get discouraged. But there's, there's some, there's always like a lighthouse. There's always like a beacon somewhere that's like, excuse me. Mm-hmm. Excuse me. Excuse me. Mm-hmm. Excuse me. Don't, don't forget now. Mm-hmm. Don't forget now. Who, who made you, yeah. Who, who put this together? You understand? What, so it's good that you were able to acknowledge and see that this trauma monster got bigger. Mm-hmm. It got louder. I fell out of balance. Mm-hmm. How did you find your way back?

Speaker 2:

Really just that year. So I, I sat was, I was like really active in church. I was like, I'm gonna serve, I'm going to, um, you know, God, he. He has called us to serve. Right. And and not all in many capacities. Right. It could be a church.

Speaker:

It could at serving is kindness to me. Again, it's very simple. We keep thinking like service means like I gotta be the one leading the youth pastor, if that's your calling, yes. It can be unseen, but being, being of service in Christ is being kind to one another. Mm-hmm. It is that simple.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it is. It's very simple. It's kind of going that extra mile. It's doing the stuff that might go unnoticed. Like nobody's gonna ever see or know that you did that good deed, but God told you to do it Right. He was able to use you. You are an open vessel for him to, and you were willing for him to use you. Right. Yeah. So I really, I, I, that's, that's what I was kind of drawn to. Like, I have to one, get back in church.'cause I had been flying for such a long time leading up to that. I wasn't able to really be at church. She was always online and, you know, whatever. So I was like, bedside Baptist, Baptist, I need to be in the, yeah. I'm like, I need to be in the house, right? Mm-hmm. And that naturally learned, led to like serving and leading small groups and all these sorts of things. Um, making connections. I would spend a lot of time in worship and prayer, fasting, all these things like, I was dreaming dreams. They were like so loud and vivid and all these things. And so that was it. That was my journey. And I know, um, like the, I could have done therapy, right? But at that season I didn't feel like, um, that's what I was called to kind of integrate. Yes. I was called to listen, I need you to tuck off in this corner over here with me mm-hmm. And come resting me. Ugh. Come just rest in me. And when I tell you like, my phone was Dr. Drive. Drive. Do you hear me? And it was great. I mean, not that it was super popping before, but like, it was sori, but it was great, right? It was really just time, peace spent. I was reading my Bible. I was getting into that word, like, and I started going through the Bible front, the back, and I was doing it alongside. So on YouTube there's a class, it's called Torah class. It's a Bible teaching class. Yeah. And it's so hilarious. My 8-year-old listens to it every night. Every night he's just like, no, no, no, he will not go to, he's like, we gotta put on tour class. I didn't make them watch it. He would just maybe hear me like washing in the car or sitting. I think there's, there's, God has already arrested his heart. He is so drawn to God. Mm-hmm. Yes. And so now he's like, he's a, it's this old white man who is doing Bible teaching and he has to listen to it every night. My husband, my mom-in-law, she's here. Mm-hmm. And she's in there in their room and she's like, I've been liking listening to We Going The First Kings. But like, it, I loved it because I had read the, I hadn't read the Bible through all the way through before. I had always wanted to. Um, and I had gotten but so far and I was using like a physical concordance, but I didn't have it. So when I went back to the beginning, I was like, I don't know, lemme go to YouTube. And I just googled, like Genesis or put in there like Genesis one.

Speaker 5:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

And, um, I found the, the teaching class, it's Tom Bradford. It's amazing. Right. For anybody who wants to go like deeper in the Bible and really understand it, I always recommend go listen to to class. Right. Yeah. Because it's, it's teaching you not a good sermon, which. You know, no, no shade. But it's, it's teaching you

Speaker 3:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

What is actually happening here? What is the historical context? What were, what were they really trying to translate here? Right? Mm-hmm. And it gives so much color to, to the word, right? Like I was reading before, I felt like it was like black and white, but listening alongside of that,'cause it goes by literally chapter by chapter. This

Speaker:

also ties into your consumption.

Speaker 2:

Mm-hmm. Right?

Speaker:

People don't, I always say like, I'm mindful of what I consume. Yeah. And that's in all things. Mm-hmm. Food information, like audio wise. Right. Your son is eight. Mm-hmm. And he's like, run the show back before I go to bed. Yes. He will not go to sleep about it. We don't think of how, what our consumption on a day, we're not that present. Mm-hmm. Because we haven't found balance. When you live in chaos. You don't realize you consume so much garbage. Mm-hmm. Every day, all day. Mm-hmm. You listening to you listening to DMX on the way to church, you know, like, you know what I mean? You like, then you get to work. Yeah. You like, fuck this shit, I need to hear this. And then it's like you consuming all of these messages. The scrolling, and then the scrolling. Then you like, ha, I do with my kid all the time. I'm like, you want your brain not to work. Ha ha. Yeah. I'm like, that endorphin spike is not good for your brain. We were not wired this way. Mm-hmm. But then if you sit there and you look at you are awake for 10 hours, how much of your consumption is aligned with your goals? Mm-hmm. How much of your consumption is aligned with who God has made you to be?

Speaker 2:

It's really about feeding your spirit. Right. That's why the Bible talks about protecting your eye gates and your air gates and things like that because that's what I, I didn't do anything miraculous. I just sat with God and I read his word that he said it sharpened any twoedged sword. Right. That changed me. That re that reshaped my identity of spending time with her. You can't, you can't enter the presence of God and then just leave the state.

Speaker:

You don't. Right. And just be like, I'm out. I, I'm done. You can't do that.

Speaker 2:

That's, I spent so many, um, days, like just on my face, just crying and, and all these things and just spending like sweet moments and worship. Yes. And it was just, it was just so beautiful. And so his sitting with him and his spirit and actually reading his word. Yeah. It did it right. We think that it takes all of this, it's very simple. I think as

Speaker:

human beings, we love complexity. Mm-hmm. I, this general, I have this general belief as human beings, we love complexity because complexity makes it easy to make excuses.

Speaker 2:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

Right.

Speaker 2:

Oh, the thing Oh, oh. Did the, um, the GI musta, um, yeah.

Speaker:

That's interesting. That's gonna be, it's

Speaker 2:

quite a shock.

Speaker 4:

Hold for a second. Um, don't forget.

Speaker 2:

Mm-hmm. The complexity. Oh, is it timed out?

Speaker 4:

Uh, um,

Speaker 2:

I'm glad you caught it. I know.

Speaker:

Okay. Now you make me think I need this DGI Kimball situation.

Speaker 4:

Nah, it's important. It's important. So here's what we're gonna do.

Speaker 5:

Do you need,

Speaker:

this is a good thing. It actually can, you can change angles if you want.

Speaker 5:

Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker:

Because this will help them stay engaged.'cause all of a sudden I was looking at it like this. Now I'm going like, oh wait. Oh no switch. Exactly. Don't switching up on me. You get it coined razzle dazzle there, aren't you? This is an in intriguing conversation now. Visually you're doing some things

Speaker 3:

you need, you can use my sweat off you want?

Speaker:

Alright. What is the name? Okay. MacGyver. He's like, I hope Okay. MacGyver good. This is double.

Speaker 4:

Yes.

Speaker:

I, I feel like I love these like, um. Um, one off moments mm-hmm. In, in the middle of a conversation.'cause it reminds people like, this is not a scripted show. We are generally having a sincere conversation. So if somebody walked by and something just, yeah, we gonna stop and be like, yeah, but yeah girl, I say like, you know, like, this is this genuine, sincere conversation. That's why I, I often go back and forth around making it like a live discussion. Mm-hmm. Right? Because I think when it comes to podcasts, we, you have to edit, right? Yeah. To, to like chop it up for, for sponsorship opportunities and then also like call to action. But then I want you to remember like, this is I and am this is a genuine conversation. If you walked in right now, you'd be a part of it. Right. But so that's, so that's why I'm saying this is actually a great thing. Yeah. Right. To show people that it's not, we're not sitting here and we scripted in discussion to like, this is us sharing our experience and with the masses and hopes that you see yourself, that you understand that balance is attainable to everybody. That we all come from some form of chaos. We get it. Mm-hmm. And that's not, that's not dependent on your race or your gender or your culture. Chaos finds humans, period.

Speaker 5:

Mm-hmm. Right.

Speaker:

But you have to be able to find balance because without balance you can't hear God.

Speaker 5:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

Without, like, you can't do it. And sometimes people think balance is like, you know, laying with cucumber on my face and like, I'm just so relaxed and my life is so peaceful and my bills are all paid and I'm, that's not balance. Balance is peace, balance is presence.

Speaker 2:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

All the things that your mind and soul can do regardless of your resources. Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Yeah. That's what I had to learn is that peace in the midst of the chaos. That's what it was. Like. You can't always, like, like I said, I'm, I'm a health coach and so I talk to people a lot about food, nutrition, stress, all the things. Right. Stress comes up a lot. And what I tell people, yes, there are a lot of stress management techniques. Absolutely. Do you need your stress to come down that cortisol, all that stuff? Absolutely. Sometimes if you are the mom of a newborn, right? And that newborn is waking up all throughout the night, there's not, but a whole, a whole lot of things you can do about that, right? Yes. Maybe it's the type of job that you have and you can't just up to quit. Yeah. Right. Maybe you have a exit plan. Mm-hmm. But maybe it's a six month thing and it's not today. So sometimes some stressors can't be removed. It's just a part of your life. So what can you do to find peace in the midst of that? Right? How can you make sure your cup is full so that you have the capacity to deal with those stressors? That's sometimes what stress management looks like. It doesn't always look like moving stuff outta the way. It's, is my cup full?

Speaker 3:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Um, so that I can, I have the capacity to handle the stressors. So, yeah. And I even with the idea of like alignment itself, I, you know how you always hear people like, oh, I'm chasing the bag. Right. This same thing, right? Oh, I'm not here. I'm chasing man. Or they chasing a man or they chasing whatever. Listen. I'll

Speaker:

be like,

Speaker 2:

that's that ain't it. Like it's not it. That's never it. It's not it.

Speaker:

So you know, I work in technology mm-hmm. And I also consult with different technology companies and big brands. And they also like, oh, we'll give you X amount of dollars if you can work on this project and do this for this amount of times. And I'm just like, fun fact, it's never about the money. And like, and I'm like, that's not'cause like I don't need the money. I need the money. I want the money. Yeah. But I'm not motivated by money. Mm-hmm. Because I believe the way in which I operate, money gravitates towards me. It's the y we should work together. Mm-hmm. Why should I work here? Like I know my skills are valuable, like your company is valuable. There must be some alignment because once you chase the bag, you end up. Just in the bag. Mm-hmm. Like, you literally just end up in the bag. And for me it's like, again, I already, I'm already rich. Like, you know, it's like mm-hmm. My family is good. Like I, I'm rich in the ways that I know really matters. Mm-hmm. So chasing the bag just makes me feel like there's something missing. And I, I, yes, there's something missing this

Speaker 2:

constant state of achieving and attaining and it's not enough and it's not all these things. Right. And that's how you're pulled out of alignment. And so that's kind of like another huge revelation that I had. And we get all this messaging about, you need to be doing more, you need to be having eight businesses. You need to be da da da. Right. And it's not about chasing, it's about getting in alignment, right. So that you're in position to receive what God has already predestined. That was a massive like

Speaker:

locker.

Speaker 2:

What? God has already predestined a whole lot of stuff over my life. But if I'm way over here and I'm supposed to be way over here, I'm not in position. I can't get it. Yeah. Right. If Amazon send a package to New York right. And I'm here, but I'm supposed to be in New York to get it, I'm not gonna get it. Right. Yes. So it's about being in alignment. And you can only do that by going back, going back to God, being like, okay, God, what have you called me to do? What have you called me to steward? Making sure that I'm doing that well. Making sure that I'm, I'm aligning things in my life to where you are at the head and everything else is flowing from there. Yes. Right. And I'm, I'm operating from that space and not this, this constant chase and trying to perform. Mm. And it's really just learning to rest and rest in you. And you're gonna lead and guide my steps. That doesn't look like just, you know, sitting on your butt and just the Lord will bring though. That's not it either.

Speaker:

It's not, it, nothing irritates me more. We're

Speaker 2:

required to do our part too. Right. Nothing irritates me more when people are like, God

Speaker:

will fix it, and what do you do? Yeah. Yeah. We have a

Speaker 2:

part to play

Speaker:

too. Again, the path does not show up unless you take action. Yeah. God is sitting here like, you know what? Let me, let me do all of it for you. Mm-hmm. No, no, no, no. Because then again, how are you valuable in the kingdom of Christ? Right. If you don't want to do anything Right. You help us get here so you don't wanna help us get out it. No. Yeah. And I always say like, again, nobody's coming. Mm-hmm. I don't know why we keep feeling life and I don't know where this perception came from, even as a child, I felt like I heard it, that like somebody's going to, nobody's coming. And I think we need to hear that in order for you to find balance and success and happiness and whatever you want in your life. Nobody's coming. Tamika, you. So, you know what, I

Speaker 2:

actually think I opened up the book with this like little, so there was this moment I was at my daddy's house'cause I was still staying there and I was laying literally like laying on the floor. Done for right, laying on the floor. Both of my boys, they're in diaper running around chaos. Like they're going the toys, you know, at that age, the toys, all of them make noise, all of that stuff, right? The TV is on and I'm just laying there in the floor like, and I was so tired. I was tired. Amen. I was like, I am tired of carrying all of this. I'm doing so much. Sometimes it feels like there are a lot of people around me, but they don't really see me. They don't really see what all I'm carrying and. I'm tired, I can't do it. And I'm literally on the floor like crying. My kids are oblivious, oblivious, obli, like running around doing a thing, still coming, you know, tapping me on the head and I'm just like, comatose, right? And I'm just laying there and I'm like, like, I don't even have it in me to get up off of this floor. And I had that exact same that God, right? That voice. Nobody's coming to save you. Just like you need to get up off this floor by yourself. You have to get up. Nobody's coming in on a white horse. This, I think at the time I had this feeling, yeah. That, oh, if I just, if my husband was finally here, that was gonna fix this time, make get better. But I feel like that is so

Speaker:

not fair, right? Mm-hmm. As women, as men. It is not fair to put that burden on anyone. It's not.

Speaker 2:

It really is not. It's not. And that's why God had to root that up out of me before he sent him. Right? Yeah. You sent your good man Savannah. Right. So he had to, he still had to do a lot of processing and preparation in me because I couldn't step into that marriage with this expectation of, whew, now I can just pass this off to No, no, no, no, no. We gotta like still heal and fix some stuff within you. And so that's what I got in that moment. He was like, nobody's coming to save you, nobody. I got up, I got off that floor and I went because I was gonna, same thing. I need to send an email, I need to reach out to people. I need to connect. Right. I had just finished my health coach training and um, I went to,'cause I was gonna start doing some outreach mm-hmm. To connect with some doctors. I couldn't find my charger and I was like, whatever, I'll, I'll try again tomorrow. So I got up that next day, first thing morning, I sat down, sent some emails. I connected with a doctor who I'm still working with today

Speaker:

to today. Do you say, because he said nobody, nobody is coming to save you. It is coming to save you. Mm-hmm. Because I always wonder like what the thought, like what is the, the, the complete thoughts there. Right. I feel like in business and how we think as human beings, we all, we only think about step one and two, right? Oh, if I find that perfect partner, then life will be great. Yeah. It's a full circle of completion. So if you find that perfect partner, you now, life is great. The scales are tipped. Mm-hmm. What continues to happen in that full circle? Oh, that's still, that's still work to be done. And I always feel like that's actually why, like God is not gonna place one of his good warriors in the presence of someone who he knows is not going to treat them well. Like, you're not gonna find a partner that is aligned with you if you don't know who you are and what you. Are in Christ. Yeah. Right. Because he's not gonna send, he was like, alright now, so you distracted. So I'm gonna send you some distractions. Like you can, you can stay in distractions, you can stay in chaos because you keep believing that this weight, this validation, this wholeness, lies within one of these people. I'm gonna sit back and wait. I'm gonna sit back and wait. You go ahead and figure it out. I'll be here until when you realize it's me.

Speaker 2:

Mm-hmm. It's me. And then that's what I did like as I was writing.'cause when I tell you this book was so revelatory, it was not me. It was like I'm telling as I back through

Speaker:

write. Yeah,

Speaker 2:

I did. But even as I'm reading it, as I'm like going back through editing, I'm like, where did this come from? I want this. Like, because it was, as I'm writing, I'm just getting revelation. Right. So it was, I felt so proud. It was because it wasn't like things that I had heard or things that this preacher said. No. It was revelation that God gave me. Oh. And so one of those things was in my past marriage, we were together to fulfill voids not purpose. And so that's what I think happens in a lot of relationships. We are just trauma bonding. We're filling voids. Right. But we're not together to fulfill purpose. Because if you don't know who you are, and I don't know who I am, we don't know what our purpose is, we don't know what our purpose is together. So why are we together can be distracted

Speaker:

in one another. Mm-hmm. And not even have capacity to, in a weird way, this kind of is like the, the movie forever, right? Mm-hmm. Where they realize that I can't just pour into you'cause in my life will just be you. Mm-hmm. Then I don't even, then I have no desire to even search for purpose

Speaker 2:

and I wasn't created for you. Wow. I was created for purpose.

Speaker:

Wow.

Speaker 2:

You are my purpose partner. We were brought together to propel the kingdom forward. God had a plan in pairing two by two. So what is his instructions for us if we don't know that? If we're not doing that, if we're not solid in our identities with him first. And that's not to say we have to have it all figured out. Right. Because we

Speaker:

will. That's not, but that's where I'm saying is like, again, we have to part our ways with these weird expectations that, again, someone said one time and you think it's the reality. Yeah. No, there is not a human being walking the earth. That is perfection. They killed him on to Christ. Mm-hmm. We like, it was very clear, like, I don't understand why we keep thinking that we need to be poised, need to be gym 16 week and my hair is flourishing and I need to be great, my skin needs to be amazing. And that's when I'm gonna find the perfect partner to then that's not, but then it's not like then you have lost. You are so far off of purpose. Mm-hmm. That God is like, all right, there goes that one. So how do I find like legit? Because it's just like, like you said, I paired you in twos to be a part of my kingdom. Yeah. Then that's just so interesting that you said that like, I wasn't made for you. Mm-hmm. When we like, you know, you know, you went to all these weddings, girl, you had tune up and that's what they say. Like, you're made for me. Yeah. You are my thing. I'm made for you. No, am I, no, I, no. We are partners in Christ and I love the human You are. I love the, like, that's what I always say about Omar. I'm like, that's my husband by the way. He's an amazing human. I am honored to be his wife. Even the times when he annoys me. Mm-hmm. He gets on, I get on his nerves, but he's just a genuinely sincere, good human being. Mm-hmm. If he wasn't my husband, he would still be out in the world being a good human. Mm-hmm. And doing great things. I just get to be the cute one that stand next to me, like, you know what I mean? It's different when you know who you are. Mm-hmm. And that's something he actually taught me from very young. Like he, I'm, we are, when I say black and white, I am the talker. I'm miss Social. I'm the, and he's like, I'm cool. I'm cool on that. I'll be over here babe. Do your thing. Do your thing. I'm like, he's not with that at all. And I used sitting with our younger years, I used to be like, babe, come with me to the Barney or come with me to the social, or Why are you not talking more and da da? And he's like, I don't need that. Yeah. That's not something I need. And like I remember vividly in like our twenties, like I keep watching him being content with I Am Who I Am. Mm-hmm. I said what I said. Set with like assurity, such asurity and like, oh, I'm not missing out on anything.'cause that's not even like my thing. Yeah. It's like I don't even, like, I like music, but I don't like talking to feeding it to people like you do like and like he doesn't like, you know when I'm like you, but I have so much fire, I'm telling things and I'm like, you can really like create community and impact. And he's like, yeah, but no, with such certainty and like happiness, like if you know what I mean? Sometimes when we hear no, or we need to be this kind of person to find balance and we need to, we keep thinking that it's limiting, like what's an narrowing, right? Mm-hmm. We keep thinking in order to get this thing we need to either get more of resources or become less of ourselves. Mm. That's genuinely what we think. In order for me to obtain happiness and balance, I need more resources, but I need to be less of who God made me, who I am.

Speaker 2:

Mm-hmm. Says who. Who said you need to be more of who you are.'cause he made you that way for a reason. That part, he gave you those gifts for a reason. That part, and even that partner that he gave you, he graced them to be able to cover you. That part. Everybody's not grace to cover you. That's why you can't be partnered with any and everybody just'cause you like them. Do they have the grace for you?

Speaker:

And I feel like your book and your journey is for that flock that he feels like he's losing.

Speaker 2:

Mm-hmm. That's what I really felt called for in that time. I was like, I, I was like, I feel like Moses. I feel Jesus.

Speaker:

Jesus. Such

Speaker 2:

not Jesus.

Speaker:

You both

Speaker 2:

me. I did. I really. But that came like later, right? Yes. But I, I, as I was reading through, you know, I told you I was starting the back front, the back. And I got to Exodus and I was reading Moses right. Or reading about him. And this exchange he had with God. That's probably the first moment that I had this massive revelation, you know, from the Holy Spirit. And I, I grabbed a, um, a pen and I just started writing. And it was essentially as I'm writing it, because at the time I was really struggling kind of, I guess with like perfectionism or whatever. And so as I'm reading this exchange with God, and God is like, listen Moses, I'm gonna need you going back to Pharaoh. Tell him let my people go, you know, whatever. Moses, like, I don't know if you know who I am or not.

Speaker:

Sure. I know you realize, you know, I'm a single

Speaker 2:

mom, divorced one I've

Speaker:

already had, I don't know, brought it

Speaker 2:

back. Did you read before you came over here? I, right. Like, I don't, let me just give you my resume real quick, guy, because you know, like I killed a guy, you know, I actually can't go back there and you're telling me to go to Pharaoh to like, let the millions of people, that's the whole infrastructure of Egypt, just let'em go. Right? It makes like 4 million people. Like it's a lot of people just let'em go, right? I don't know if I'm gonna be able to do that. Right? And then

Speaker:

we go with our logic thing. I did the math and one, that one plus one ain't really adding up to me, right? Like,

Speaker 2:

like his plan is dependent on us. He's a big God. That part, he's a big God. Like his plan is limited by our limitations. If he called you, then he can use you. So I'm, I'm going this, this exchange. Then God is like, listen, Moses, that same mouth that I made, the one that I cracked it on your face, I could put the words in it for you to use. And that's how started going, right? So I was like, whoa. Right? So then I just started like writing and I just, that's when I, I got this, this revelation that is, it's not about being perfect. It's not about your accolades. It's not all these things. It's did you give God your Yes. Are you willing to be used? Are you a vessel that has emptied yourself so that you can be filled with him? And used by him? Yes. Okay, cool. No, you didn't do it. Okay, cool. Oh, this person, they ain't really ready yet. Wow. It's not, oh, they got money. Oh, they got connections. Oh, they got, they went to this school. Oh, they, they, they, the CEO? No, no, no, no. Did they gimme their Yes. Cool. Did they? No, they didn't give me their Yes. This one. Right. Oh, I got a bunch of yeses over there. Wow. I love that. That's all. It's about symbol

Speaker:

and convicted. That was right. Mm-hmm. Did you give God your Yes. That's it. That's it. That's it. While it's, again, while it's so simple, I think many people can sit back and go, well, I do praise him and I believe in him. But did I, did I say yes? Because I think that is like, yeah, that's a level of fear, right? That's, it's scary. It's scary because then you, then you really are saying you have your, it's you trust. Then it's like, have your

Speaker 2:

will. Did you give God your, yes. That's it. All he need to be doing. Just tap you in your shoulder and say, Hey, that person, I need you to go over there and tell them X, Y, and Z. What? I dunno. I dunno. Them I, they gonna look at me like I'm crazy. I'm telling them, what? No, no, no. Yes or yes or no. Hey Kay, I need you to go. That person said over there, I need you to go get$300 and get what to them. What? You don't know what's on the other side of your yes. You don't know what prayer somebody else is praying. God, please show up for me today. I just need$300 to, to pay this. I just need$300. Are they gonna X, Y, and Z my kids? I God please show I I need you. God. Right? And then he just sends somebody and he sends one of,'cause he blesses people through people.$300 ain't gonna fall from the side. I say that

Speaker:

all the time. God blesses people with people. We don't, it's so easy for us to see blessings and things, which again, irritates me. If we talk like. Deep. Like it's so easy for us to be like, oh, he blessed me with this new house. He blessed me with this new car. I hate, I hate how people don't see that God's true blessings

Speaker 2:

is in people. Yeah. They send you a person,

Speaker:

they send you, they send you a person, and it's so much more valuable. Mm-hmm. It's'cause human beings, we're so layered. We're so complex. We're so full. He's like, I am big. That's why he says kingdom. Mm-hmm. That's why he says kingdom. Yeah. This has been an amazing conversation. Like ama, I can talk to you all day. I know. I'm sure we, yeah. But thank you so much for bringing us into your journey, bringing us into your world and how you found balance. Right? Yeah. A single divorced mom now remarried. I, let's finish it. Remarry re re. And today's actually her husband's birthday. I happy and he's behind the camera. So Happy

Speaker 2:

birthday day. You, happy birthday to you.

Speaker:

Thank you so much for joining this conversation and this is, how do you divine balance?