SYSTEMS| How a car accident forced one engineer to reverse-engineer his entire life

In this episode, computer engineer, coach, and CEO of Next Level University Alan Lazaros shares how childhood adversity, family loss, and a life-changing car accident forced him to stop drifting and start reverse engineering his life with intention. We break down what it actually means to build systems for fitness, career, and personal growth — and why tracking your habits without judging them is the first move that changes everything.

Thank you for listening and for adding new dimensions to your definitions. Keep growing, keep exploring, and keep defining life on your terms.

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Sanika is a founder, inventor, and strategist building at the intersection of culture, media, and technology. How Do You Divine?® is the anchor of HDV Media, a company built on one idea. The words we inherit quietly design the lives we lead.

Every episode takes one word and examines it through culture, intellect, emotion, and lived experience. Definitions that were handed to you. Definitions you adopted. Definitions you assumed were just normal.

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Transcript

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Sanika 2:05

Welcome to this episode of How Do You Divine, and today we are speaking to Alan Lazareth and we are going to explore the word system. Alan, thank you so much for being here.

Alan 2:18

Thank you for having me. I started listening to podcasts 10 years ago and they really helped me reorchestrate my life in a much more positive direction. So now I'm a podcaster who gets to help people with that, and I'm super pumped. So thank you so much. I do not take it lightly. I will not waste a second of anyone's time. I.

Sanika 2:34

I love that. I love the, the amount of intentionality in everything that you do. So I just first wanted to give you your flowers there and in many of our discussions, I love the way your brain thinks it's very different. Right. Um, I feel like I've had so many left brain people on the podcast, but why I wanted to talk to you about systems today is I think your definition of what a good system and what a system is have evolved over your journey. Right. Just as. Human being, so let's just give the audience a little early days of who is Alan? Who is Alan as a child? Who is Alan as the engineer? Who is Alan as the.

Alan 3:13

Who is Alan as the child? Hmm. Uh, okay. So I will try to condense 36 years into three minutes. Which is very hard to do. I I guarantee you, it'll be more than three minutes, but, so my story in a nutshell, as brief as I can give it, one of the interesting things about my life now is I kind of look a little bit like a silver spooner, like someone who is born on third base and I, I playfully joke, I couldn't even see the ballpark.

Sanika 3:45

Aw.

Alan 3:46

Yeah. So. Do you have an explicit show, by the way? I wanna be

Sanika 3:50

Yes. Yes, we do.

Alan 3:51

Okay. So you can't even see the fucking ballpark. Um, again, I won't overdo it, but I think it's important to emphasize. So, 36 years old now. Very, very grateful to be where I am today, but I started off in a, a really small town, born and raised in Massachusetts, small minded town. I playfully refer to it as the Boulevard of Broken Dreams. Yeah, not great. Not great. When I was two years old, my birth father passed away when he was 28. This is 1991 in a car. Suddenly I had a stepfather named Steve Lazarus from age three to 14, so I took his last name around age seven.

Sanika 4:31

Yeah.

Alan 4:32

My real name is Alan McCorkle. John McCorkle was my father. It was Jim, Joe, John Jane, Joan, Jeanette, six Jays big Irish Catholic family,

Sanika 4:42

Yeah.

Alan 4:42

and. From three to 14, I had a stepfather named Steve. He worked for Agfa, A GFA. They did hospital computers during the.com era from basically 1992 all the way to 2003, he left my family in 2003, took his entire extended family with him. To this day, I've never seen or spoken to a single one of them since.

Sanika 5:07

Wow.

Alan 5:08

Yeah, and we weren't associating much with the McCarcos anymore because we were trying to be the Lazarus. My mom and stepdad did not get along. That's a polite way to put it. Holy crap. Holy crap. And uh, it's funny now the time wasn't, but from the outside looking in, we looked like the rich family because we did very well in the nineties. Most people did. In the US us is the largest economy by far. Uh, and in the.com bubble, it was very much economic boom times. So we had. A yacht. We had a BMW. We had snowmobiles. We had boats and ski trips. It was a whole thing. So from the outside in, it looked like we were wealthy from the inside out. Not good. Not good. Sister moves out. Same year my stepdad leaves. Same year my mom gets in a fight with my Aunt Sandy, her sister. We get ostracized from her side of the family. To this day, I've only seen or spoken to two people from my mother's side. So by the time I'm 14 years old, I kind of lost three full families.

Sanika 6:07

Wow.

Alan 6:07

We reassociate a bit with the McCool and it, but it was never really

Sanika 6:12

The same.

Alan 6:12

Yeah, it was never the same. That's the truth. And for them it was like seeing a ghost. 'cause I looked just like my dad I guess. But anyways, um, I had two trauma responses to that. There's four trauma responses. There's fight, flight, freeze, and Fawn. I'm sure you're aware of all those. I think we talked about it. Fawn is appease. So I became this, I think Goodwill hunting's kind of a good metaphor for my life. We, I became this sort of social coward who just didn't wanna lose anybody. And so hang on to friends and family. I'll be whatever you chameleon, be whatever you need. Uh, don't challenge anyone, just, just stay. But, but behind the scenes when no one was watching, it was fight. It was aim higher, work harder, get smarter, aim higher, work harder, get smarter, aim higher, work harder, get smarter. Prove myself because I'm worthy.

Sanika 7:02

of the things.

Alan 7:03

Yeah. The things, so I achieved, I got the Presence Award. It's behind me, signed by George W. Bush, straight A's through all of high school because when my stepdad left, we went from boats and ski trips to now I get free lunch at school 'cause our income is so low. My mom trades in her BMW for a little Honda Civic. How are we gonna keep the house in the family? No generational wealth, no trust fund, no Dad, we're in some trouble here. My dream college was WPI, wisher Polytechnic Institute. It was $50,000 a year and this is back then. So I went from my hope I get in to, even if I do get in, I can't go.

Sanika 7:34

Yeah, who's gonna pay for that?

Alan 7:35

Got all the scholarships and financial aid, got all the awards, my many awards, straight A's through all of high school, going to co. So I did the traditional path. I promise it to be three minutes. It's gonna be more than that, but. Huh? Kindergarten, preschool. Preschool, kindergarten, elementary school, middle school, high school, college, corporate. I did that traditional path and I crushed it in corporate. So I was used to being broke in high school and college when my stepdad laughed. So once I got to corporate, it was like, whoa. Computer engineer with a master's in business. I went from 65 a year to 85 a year, 85 to 1 0 5, 1 0 5 to 1 25, 1 25 to 180 grand a year in my early twenties. Paid off 84 grand worth of debt in a single year, $150,000 in a Vanguard account. Just picking stocks, tech companies, all these different tech companies. And then I get in my car accident,

Sanika 8:25

Mm.

Alan 8:25

I'm 26, head on collision. My fault, my little cousin, one of the two people that came back from my mom's side, my little cousin, Dan and I were in the car. Volkswagen Passat saved my life totally. So. I bought that car in five grand cash and we hit a lift kitted pickup truck. My fault crossed the double yellows. Not a fender bender. Definitely a hefty accident, but that was 10 years ago and that, fortunately, none of us were physically, permanently damaged. We were okay. Definitely rattled, but okay. Both airbags deployed. Frame stayed. That is. Some people have a job, some people have a career, some people have a calling. That's when I found my calling. That's when I found personal development, personal growth, self-improvement, mental health. That's when I started focusing on fulfillment more than just external success. That was 10 years ago, and I dialed personal development up to 11, and I just, every single day since have been working on myself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. And now I have a company that helps people reach their potential through. Becoming healthier, wealthier, and more in love. And so who is Alan? Uh, someone who had tremendous adversity, more than I can possibly describe on this medium. And who had dealt with a lot of abandonment and loss and somehow overcame that and decided to become more through it. Not always alcohol, drugs, like I had some struggles too, but I definitely always aimed higher, worked harder and got smarter and it. It's unbelievable how good my life is now. Like it's, it's unreal compared to where I started and so I'm very grateful and yeah, so that's, I guess, the best answer I can give.

Sanika 10:07

I know and I love that answer. 'cause it, it didn't need to be three minutes. It was, it was all, each minute was spent very substantially, which is more important. And every, when he was going through that story, I started thinking of what was Alan thinking at those times? Right? I feel like we all have coping mechanisms and we all have ways of like kind of moving through the day. Right. But I always feel like as humans, we have systems, we have patterns, we have things that keep us. Sitting up tall or even leaning over and, and failing ourselves.

Alan 10:39

Yeah.

Sanika 10:40

So you said 10 years ago you readjusted that system. You said, you know, I'm making money. I did the things, I went through adversity. You know, look at me now. But then even with all of these things you said, no, I still need, I need to elevate these things won't make me who I am. Right. So tell me a little bit about your daily system. Post pre-accident, post-accident.

Alan 11:07

So pre-accident, it was all metrics and corporate and career. I, I always was super career oriented. I always had big goals and dreams, and I think a lot of people mirrored that. So I lived in this echo chamber of thinking everyone did. And now in hindsight it's very clear they were just talking. Um, I don't want to be mean, but it, statistically speaking, most people just don't achieve their goals and dreams. They just don't. And that makes me sad, which is why that's what I do for a living now. But after the accident, I started these, I have these little black notebooks in the corner of my office over here, and I started tracking habits, and people always ask me what's the best habit I. I think it's tracking habits and every one of my clients, I have 20 people I coach currently. One is four times a week, two or three times a week, and then it's biweekly, weekly and a couple monthly. They're all different business owners from all over the world. Different backgrounds, different cultures, different ethnicities, different industries. It's been tremendous and it's been 10 years basically. I, I always say I've been mentoring for 10 years, coaching for eight. Basically, I started getting paid

Sanika 12:10

Yeah.

Alan 12:11

and. The one thing that is in common with all of them is that they all track metrics and habits, and I started tracking metrics and habits. And so when you say system, I wanna give a visual for everybody. So picture a square, uh, rectangle, rectangle, not a square. And in the upper left is the input. This is the what you say, think, do, feel and believe. To make this simple, I complexify everything to make this simple. It's what you do. So let's say you do exercise today. Okay? That's due. That's the input. The output is you're going to burn calories, you're gonna feel better, you're gonna have neurochemistry, then you down here. So upper left is due. Upper right is output. So input, output, then it's measure, and then adjust. So we have a 10 pound and 10 week challenge going on right now. We have 41 days left. We have a fitness group with 43 people in it, little community, the next level fitness accountability group. And so we essentially, what you do impacts it's, it's cause and effect. I don't think a lot of people understand cause of an effect and probabilities and statistical outcomes. It's all math based. Every reaction has an equal and opposite reactions. Another way to say this, but for me, everything's reverse engineerable. There's.

Sanika 13:33

'cause you're such an engineer, but like, you know what I mean? Such an engineer, the way you say that. But like when you said, I don't think a lot of people want to achieve their goals and aspirations. I actually believe the opposite. I think a lot of people do wanna achieve their goals and

Alan 13:48

No, they want to, but they don't end up doing it.

Sanika 13:50

They don't end up doing it because of the, if you ask me, it's the systems. It's because in order for you to actually achieve your goals and aspirations, you have to be real with yourself first.

Alan 14:04

Agreed.

Sanika 14:05

Like you have to say like something as simple as fitness, right? Because I think when we look at the physicality of things, to me that's like so easy. It's so easy to buy a nice shirt, so easy to do your hair, so easy to like really. with the, the on outward things, right? But it's like, are you really going to walk every day? Are you going to drink water? Are you like, are, that to me is when a system is truly evaluated. When you say, what am I doing every day towards my goal? Am I doing anything today that future me will be excited about or happy about?

Alan 14:42

That's, I always joke with Kev, my business partner, 'cause he doesn't think in engineering terms as much as I do. said, you can't say I want to build a million dollar company and then go to the beach. And he's like, people do that all the time. And it's like, yeah, but that's like me saying, Hey, I wanna build a, I wanna build this iPhone I'm on. If you're on YouTube, I wanna build this phone. And then you just like go gardening. They have nothing to do with each other. Every, everything. And again, I'm, I'm very intense with this.

Sanika 15:14

Yeah.

Alan 15:16

You, if you have an outcome that you want to create in your future, and by the way, your future self matters more than your present self, I know that that's not popular. Let me explain why pretty soon your future self is gonna be your present self. And by the way, I am a byproduct of the future. I'm trying to create.

Sanika 15:33

Mm.

Alan 15:35

The only reason this episode's even reasonably good is 'cause I've done 10,766 others now of coaching, training, and podcasting. I wanna make this clear. It's not all podcasts, but 10 years ago, I started tracking the number of coaching sessions, training slash speeches and podcasts that I was doing. I've tracked them for 10 years. I just surpassed 10,000 hours, probably like. Earlier this year, 10,766 as of two days ago, I still have to update it. That's, that's the only reason why I'm a strong communicator. I wasn't born a strong communicator.

Sanika 16:09

Yeah.

Alan 16:10

What we do and don't do impacts us. And what we do and don't do is impact it on our, based on our goals. If you didn't have any goals and I didn't have any goals, neither one of us would've met.

Sanika 16:22

Very true, but I also feel like making space, right? Making space to be well. 'cause like we both have lived through a lot of adversity. And in order for you to even be able to identify a goal or who I can be, you first need to see wellness. And just feel like that's attainable to you. Like I can touch wellness so

Alan 16:40

isn't wellness a goal?

Sanika 16:43

Fair. Yeah, you're right. You.

Alan 16:46

Well, a human being, yeah. Well, eating dinner tonight is a goal. We just don't see it that way. Human beings are goal oriented creatures, and we have the ability to project. So dolphins, primates, and humans have prefrontal cortexes that we can project into the future and go, okay, I'm gonna, I'm gonna optimize for a future. Reality that I cannot experience yet. And it, whether it's you thinking about making dinner tonight or it's me building a million dollar company, it's the same biological process. And, and I explained this one time to, uh, one of my clients, his name's Brandon. I said, brother, how certain are you from zero to 10 that you can go and get Subway for dinner tonight? And he said 10. I said, your brain just did a calculation. I have a credit card. I know Subway is open. I know they make sandwiches. I know my car works. I know it's 10 minutes away. I know I can go and get a sandwich. I know. I know how to chew. I know I know how to digest. I know that I love Subway. I said, okay. What are the zero to 10? How certain are you? You can do that in the next three minutes. He said, zero. I said, see what if it's the exact same process, but you just can't do it in three minutes? And I said this to him, and I hope this lands different for people. What if when I say I'm gonna build a multimillion dollar business, it's the exact same level of certainty. I can't do it tomorrow, just like I can't get Subway in three minutes. But it's the exact same reverse engineered pro process. And I always tell people the science of achievement, I wish it did, but it doesn't. It doesn't care about your feelings. The science of achievement does not care about your feelings. I know. It doesn't care.

Sanika 19:17

I wanted to

Alan 19:18

I know. So do I. So do I.

Sanika 19:20

I wanted to,

Alan 19:22

Yeah. It's all reverse engineerable. You can do it. It's just gonna suck. And that's the truth. And you have to embrace that, um, because everything you want is on the other side of something that sucks.

Sanika 19:35

yikes. The hard, and that's another thing, right? The hard truth of of it, all right? I think we all know that to a certain extent, but. It's the how, right? And that's why I talk about systems. It's okay. I know it's gonna be hard, right? Let's go from building a multimillion dollar business to losing 10 pounds. Ugh. I know it's gonna be hard. I know it's gonna be difficult. And then you kind of like, I think naturally we stop at the how. Well then how do I do that? And I think if you take a step back, and I always say take a step outside of myself. 'cause that's how I like look at the chess board, take a step outside of myself and say, how do I get from point A to point B? And not even knowing for certainty what point B is. But I know right now, point A is not gonna get me to my goal.

Alan 20:26

Mm-hmm.

Sanika 20:27

I know that in order for me to get to my goal, I need to be moving closer and closer towards what I believe goal B is, right? And for 10 pounds, that's fitness. What you eat, you know, it's kind of like out there in the ecosystem. You know what you need to be doing. Building a.

Alan 20:43

it's Eat less exercise. More

Sanika 20:45

Yes. You know what I mean? It's, it's out there. It's more simple in terms of how to build that system. We're building multimillion dollar businesses in different industries and doing something that you don't necessarily see specifically out in the world, but you know, it needs to be there. You know, it needs to exist. It's just like, hmm, what system do I put in place to keep moving towards my vision,

Alan 21:09

Yeah,

Sanika 21:09

how do I build that system?

Alan 21:11

the reverse engineering is a skill and I, I think that it, it's hard for me to, 'cause Kev said he is, he said, uh, Emelia and I recently, we were in a, in the gym and it was Emelia is my, my beautiful girlfriend, future wife, and we. We were in the gym and it was wildly crowded. And I, whenever I get frustrated, I actually think frustration is a byproduct of an obstacle in the way of a goal or a core value. So I was really frustrated and, and so was she. And again, it's all good. I'm, I'm grateful people are working out. It's just a tiny gym and it's, it's too many people. And I was like, okay, Alan, instead of just complaining, what are you gonna do about it? And I was like, all right, I'm gonna let this motivate me to get a home gym. And I calculated it in my head immediately. I said, okay, we're gonna move to somewhere down south, most likely North Carolina. I know the square footage we'll need. I know the amount of land we want. I know how amount of capital. I know my amount of capital. I know how much we both earn. I know the square footage. I know how long it's gonna take. I know how much a gym is gonna be. I know how much the equipment will be. I know how much the mortgage will be. The insurance will be, and Kevs like, dude, that's why you talk with so much certainty and people think you're arrogant. Because I'm mathematically calculating it.

Sanika 22:24

Standing in the front of the gym, slightly frustrated, wondering, will there be any machines you've just calculated the next six months and how we can never have this problem

Alan 22:33

Yeah, so a year and a half. Year and a half. Year and a half, yeah. Year and a half. And

Sanika 22:38

You've locked down the time period.

Alan 22:40

locked down the time perspective and the target and, and ultimately that's what Kev says. He says That's why people think you're arrogant,

Sanika 22:45

No.

Alan 22:46

because you speak with so much certainty, but. I speak with certainty 'cause I've calculated it. You're not gonna be surprised when you eat dinner tonight. Just like, I'm not gonna be surprised when we have a home gym. I'm not gonna be surprised at all. It's not gonna be like, oh my God, I can't believe we did this. It's gonna be, I started this process a year and a half ago. I'm realizing that now. I'm realizing that now. Like genuinely when I was a kid, I didn't understand. Like I decided to get straight A's and then I just went and did it. Like

Sanika 23:15

That's not normal.

Alan 23:17

know that's what he said too.

Sanika 23:19

That's not, and it's, and I really think it's that engineered mind of yours, right? It's that because I joke that most things in life is as simple as one plus one equals to. That's my running joke because often we add complexities where it doesn't need to be in an effort to keep people either out of the conversation or to confuse them, right? That's the two ways to kind of get what you want, when what you want is not good, um, is to add complexity or confusion to the topic. So I always break it down to one plus one equals two, and I. You think is actually pie equals square.

Alan 24:02

Well, and I appreciate that. The, the, the, the truth is, it's complexity is the enemy of execution, and this is the duality of life, right. I. Life is complex and it is based on simple fundamental laws of the universe. So a good example of that would be every action has an equal and opposite reaction. So you look both ways before you cross the street, because otherwise it's physics, car, human mass, acceleration.

Sanika 24:35

I know when you say it like that, it seems very simple, but we also have to, that's why I'm always champion championing the feelings component of it. Right. Because when we look at it, I, I always say like, if we run a horse's race. Many, many, many people would get so much further, right? Because you, as you know, horses run with blinders on, they can only see straight ahead. But as human beings, we can't run like horses unless we train our minds and emotions to put blinders on to be able to run that way.

Alan 25:11

And then every now and then take 'em off and look around and then put 'em back on. And then put 'em back on. Yeah.

Sanika 25:16

But in order for us to do that, I think we have to create systems, right? And in order for us to build up to that place, that goal, that thing we wanna achieve, as simple as getting dinner on the table tonight to building a multimillion dollar business, is looking at the systems and the patterns and the habits that we have, and then saying to ourselves. Emotions aside, which is hard. I'm gonna, it's hard. It's hard for me, right? Putting emotions aside and saying, what habit do I need to establish today before the sun sets to achieve that goal, even if it's small thing.

Alan 25:56

And then be consistent with it and then improve it along the way. And everyone is more capable than they realize. I I, if you improve by 0.1% every day for 10 years, that's one 10th of 1%. Any one can improve by one 10th of 1%. I've improved by one 10th of 1% even just in this podcast episode, just trying to practice speaking and different ways to articulate things. In 10 years, you can put a dollar in a financial calculator and and grow it by 0.1% every day for 10 years, and you end up 38 times. You have $38. So 38 times smarter, 38 times better, 38 times more wealthy. If you do it for 50 years, it's 84 million. If you take weekends off, it's only 439,000.

Sanika 26:45

I

Alan 26:45

I know

Sanika 26:46

Like in my mind, have you ever seen the meme of the guy that's like, and you see all the like calculations that go on around. That's what I feel like

Alan 26:56

Kev always says he is like, this stuff doesn't land, man.

Sanika 26:59

presented with a problem. I feel like you immediately become that meme that's like. Like you walk into the grocery store and you're like, ah, I'm gonna get my favorite yogurt, and they don't have it immediately. Pie times square. If I move to the next,

Alan 27:14

I love it. You had I do. So when I walk into, I always joke, I can't go into a Panera bread without seeing their profit and loss statement. You definitely invest in Panera, by the way. But anyway, so, uh, it's the math thing. Emelia says it. She said math and memory. You have a really good ma. She has a 3.92 GPA from Providence College. When I first met her, I was like, nice that, that means something, right Numbers. In my opinion, and again, we'll, we'll, I'll get off the soapbox here in a second, but most people think linearly in the 21st century. Everything's exponentials. Google was in a garage 30 years ago,

Sanika 27:55

Whoa.

Alan 27:56

so you can't flourish in today's world without thinking exponentially. We have more listens in a day than we did the entire first year.

Sanika 28:08

of your podcast

Alan 28:09

And that, that's the compound effect.

Sanika 28:11

yeah.

Alan 28:12

but, but we also have 2100 and

Sanika 28:14

So for me, I'm always like, I agree with you. I don't disagree with you at all. But I also am very much aware of the wide range when it comes to capabilities. Right. I'm not gonna call it intellect or

Alan 28:26

Yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure.

Sanika 28:28

so how do you move from very small? Very, I'm not sure very, how do I compound? What does that even mean? How do you, how do you take step one a? Right.

Alan 28:42

Yeah. Nice, nice. That's good stuff. One A, that's what Kevin would ask me. He is like, dude, bring this down to Earth one A is start tracking a habit. And it has to be a positive habit. So I'll give you an example. I quit drinking six years ago and I replaced it with exercise. So I replaced alcohol with exercise.

Sanika 29:05

does one replace alcohol with exercise? Usually when people wanna drink, just. I me a glass of wine. It's usually at the end Burpees.

Alan 29:25

I know, and this is why everyone is very Spock like. I decided I wanted to be a fitness model, fitness competitor and fitness coach, and I wanted to be the grad greatest natural aesthetic men's physique fitness model in the world. And I, and I did that and I. I won a fitness show and I was on my way, and then I pivoted. So I didn't do that, but I, I won, um, a full several fitness shows, actually, one that I won. The other one's I came in fourth and fifth. But the point is, and I was, I did 43 photo shoots as a model. That was a dream of mine fitness model. But anyways, so, uh, the reason why I replaced alcohol with fitness is 'cause I knew once I set a new goal. As long as I care about the goal more than alcohol, that, that way I could replace my kryptonite. So fitness, the worst thing you can do for fitness is alcohol. One of the worst. Not the worst, but one of the worst. So I figured, okay, well if I learn how to, if I set a goal in fitness and I care more about fitness, I'll, I'll have to care less about alcohol. So I just mimed myself and, and so

Sanika 30:27

Karate kid very seriously. Like

Alan 30:30

what did you say?

Sanika 30:31

I said, you took Karate Kid very seriously, like.

Alan 30:34

Of course. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah, of course. I know, I know what you mean. At the end of the day, uh, all I would ask everyone to do is look at replace one terrible habit. We all have terrible habits like everybody

Sanika 30:51

but I see, I like, see, this is where I love how we are like, like peanut butter and jelly in a way. Yin and yang, right where you are, like, look at the bad habit where I'm just like, look at the good habit. That's one thing I liked about atomic habits, right? It it was very. Honest about human beings having good and bad habits, right? And also leaned into our natural instincts to hug and console our good habits. Said stack it.

Alan 31:24

Nice.

Sanika 31:24

Stack it in a way. That replaces a bad habit versus let's look at the bad habit. 'cause I think that's hard to do as human beings. And I think we have to be honest about that. Like the, it's hard for us to look at our bad habits and go, you see that glass of wine? You had one too many.

Alan 31:44

Well, it's hard. It's hard, but it's also important to look at it and go, I have bad habits, and you accept that, and then you, and then you can work on that.

Sanika 31:52

But I think an easier route, not an easy, well, I'm not gonna lie, it is an easy route, a more

Alan 31:57

replace a bad habit with a good one. That's all I would ask anyone to do. Replace one bad habit with a good one. It doesn't have to be your,

Sanika 32:03

give me a route, right? To identify a bad habit without, I don't wanna say self-harm because that just seems really harsh without. Hurt. I want people to be well at all times. So how?

Alan 32:19

yeah. That's not real. That's not real. Uh, yeah. Yeah. No, there is no, yeah. Pain is part of the process and, and there is no, there is no be well all the time. The there sacrifice and suffering and challenge and adversity are parts of life, and, and no one's

Sanika 32:38

Wellness does not mean that it is absent of pain or sacrifice. Wellness means that inherently you are good. Like there has to be a foundation of

Alan 32:51

You're talking about emotionally versus I think physical pain. So if you do a hard workout, it's gonna be physically painful. That doesn't mean you're unwell.

Sanika 32:58

yes. But I also feel like if you identify hard habits or bad habits that you have that. That direct route can be emotionally harmful.

Alan 33:11

It can be, well, I would say a bad habit is anything that's destructive and a good habit is anything that's constructive. And I think that it all depends on the person, though. Like you, you're not

Sanika 33:24

That's why I love, I feel like the best way to create a system, right, is identifying goals. 'cause that to me, elevates you out of your everyday life.

Alan 33:35

agreed, and then you, and then you create a system that constructs you towards your goal. And then, and as a matter of fact, without goals, you don't even know what is or isn't a bad habit. You. I'll give you an example. If I'm trying to bulk and build muscle, eating more is a good habit. If I'm trying to cut and lose 10 pounds in 10 weeks, eating more is not a good habit. That is a destructive habit. So it, it all depends on the goals, but, but if someone's wandering around without any goals, you don't know whether you're winning or losing at your own game. You're basically just aimless.

Sanika 34:04

first identifying goals. Right. But I also feel like not everyone feels like they're deserving of a goal. Right? I,

Alan 34:12

that's where you need to start then be for

Sanika 34:14

so that's where I am very like, and you know this, like I'm very open to people. Across wherever you are in your life and on your journey, right? So I think it's easy for us. Like I always say, I can speak to the successful entrepreneur who's like, let's get to the next level. Let's level up. I made multi-millions. I'm trying to go trillion. I'm trying to go global, right? That's a different conversation. But we also have to be able to speak to the person that's like, I don't like the life I have today, and I don't know how to build the life I love tomorrow.

Alan 34:45

Right. Well, I always say this, if you aren't, if you have any mental health challenges, I'm probably not the best coach for you because I'm very big on tough love. Obviously I'm pretty hardcore and, and I always liken it to an NFL coach versus a peewee football coach. You know those peewee football coaches that take it too seriously? They're screaming at the kids. Listen, when you're in the NFL, I gotta, I gotta yell at Tom Brady. It is what it is. Get your shit together, sir. And, and it all depends on the level and, and I remember I had a client once who said, I want you to be as hard on me as you are on yourself. And I told Amelia that and she said she would die. And the.

Sanika 35:23

Said that.

Alan 35:25

Reverse it and she didn't she, I still coach her. She said, I didn't know what I was saying, but there's a construction zone for all of us. When I was seven, I couldn't handle this much truth. But when you're 17, maybe a little more when you're 27, a little more, 37, a little more like we all have to grow up a little. And the truth of the matter is, is.

Sanika 35:44

We're in a society that's very much like coddle me.

Alan 35:48

That's what I'm saying, and, and you can't always coddle like there is some level of true tough love. And I'm not saying toxic masculinity, I'm not saying that. What I am saying is you can't try to be. Avoiding the hard truths. There's inconvenient truths, there's uncomfortable truths, there's life is challenging inherently, and, and you have to be equipped to actually face that head on. And so, but I'm grateful that you and I yin and yanged this because I know that you're more feminine. I'm more masculine. It is what it is. That's nothing wrong with that. And I think we provided a good episode that said, I do gotta jump. I gotta jump.

Sanika 36:22

No, this has been a really great conversation and I wanna call this this like a little fireside chat because we're gonna have Alan back because I think his brain and systems need to be articulated in a more deeper thought conversation. So thank you so much for watching this episode of How Do You Divine Systems with Alan.

Alan 36:41

Thank you so much.

Sanika 36:42

Thank you.

Alan 36:43

This was awesome.

Sanika 36:44

awesome. We're gonna do this again,

Alan 36:46

Let's do it. I would love to. That was a good yin and yang we had going

Sanika 36:49

wasn't it?

Alan 36:49

good. Yeah. It was engaging as hell. It was

Sanika 36:51

I know. I know. They're gonna be like, when is he coming back?

Alan 36:54

I hope so. I hope so. I'm like, I'm hardcore, but I, I can't not be

Sanika 36:58

No, but I love that though. And I love the beauty of your intensity. Right? And I.