How do you divine?

FORKING | Making Forks and Friends: A Collaborative moment with Laura Williams

• How do you divine? • Season 3 • Episode 22

Share episode

In this special episode of 'How Do You Divine?', we team up with Laura from 'Food Worth Forking' to explore the world of dating and food after 40. Join us for a fun-filled conversation about Laura's journey that started with bad dates and blossomed into a podcast and Instagram page celebrating food and lifestyle. We also play intriguing games like 'Smash or Pass' with some unique food combinations, and Laura shares sensual food facts that might spice up your life. Dive into this entertaining and insightful episode where we discuss dating, vulnerability, and finding joy in every interaction.

Send us a text

Thank you for listening and for adding new dimensions to your definitions. Keep growing, keep exploring, and keep defining life on your terms.


🌐 Explore the new website www.howdoyoudivine.com
📲 Follow us on social media

Meet Our Founder & Host 🎙️
Sanika is a storyteller, vibe architect, and crowd igniter—passionate about self-discovery, culture, and the power of words. With a background in technology and marketing communications, she’s built a platform rooted in authenticity and resonance. Whether commanding the stage or leading deep conversations, Sanika doesn’t just hold space—she transforms it. Her work inspires growth, challenges perspectives, and amplifies the voices that need to be heard most

As the host of How Do You Divine?, she invites listeners to redefine meaning, embrace transformation, and navigate life—one word at a time. Her mi...

Speaker:

Welcome back to How Do You Divine, and this is a special episode because in this episode we are going to collaborate and explore the word forking with Laura. Laura, how you doing? Hi, how are you? I'm good. How are you? I'm doing lovely. I'm so happy to have you here.

Speaker 2:

I'm happy to be here. I really am. This is great. Thank you for having me, and thank you for saying yes for the call. To the collaboration.

Speaker:

Absolutely. I, as we talked about in many, many occasions, I'm always here for uplifting and just I, not just uplifting, but amplifying the creativity in our community. Yes, yes. And I love that you've come to Food Worth forking. Mm-hmm. And you brought us some segments that we're gonna play with today. Yes. Yes. So before we get into your segments, tell me more about Laura and how did you get to Food Worth forking?

Speaker 2:

Oh my gosh. Okay. So food worth forking all started from. Great. Believe it or not, a series of bad dates. Oh, a series of bad dates. And I was going, you know, going out and trying to figure out why in the world would someone, why would he bring me here? Why? And, and it started out you have here in, you know, in New York. In New York, yes. You heard of BB Q, right? Yeah. Yeah. So for, to me, for me, a first date. As an adult to mature adult, I'm not really feeling BB Q

Speaker:

as an a mature adult going to BBQs on the first date. It is quite interesting. It didn't, it's very telling actually, of your personality

Speaker 2:

and I, and I, and you know, it's like, mm, this wasn't it, but, and I think it just, it's from people you know, just not knowing.

Speaker 3:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2:

And not asking the right questions. So it started from, um, I would give out restaurant Yes. Suggestions or places to go. And then a friend said, you should. Do something with that.'cause you're always out, you're, you know, in the industry. Yes. And so one day I said, okay. It started off as just an Instagram page and then it turned into, oh, you should do a podcast. And I was like, no, and I'm gonna do a podcast. And then I tried it and I realized I really enjoy it. Nice. So food worth forking. Food Dating and Lifestyle after 40.

Speaker:

Nice. I love that. And you touched on dating. Yes. Tell me, how has that. How has that changed your journey on the podcast? I could just imagine the stories and experiences. I, you know,

Speaker 2:

I haven't been able to, no, I shouldn't say I haven't been able to, I haven't talked about so much my experiences dating. Yeah. But I've definitely had episodes where we've had, um, and it was a series, I did a series on just. Series with men, a series with women, and we all came together to talk about what's happening in this dating world. What are we doing? Mm-hmm. Where are we meeting, how are we meeting? Um, it's different. It's a lot different now. Yeah. You know, after 40, after 45. Yes. Um, people are really, I mean, listen, we're set. Always set your ways. Set your ways, set your ways. Have acquired things or not. Yes. And trying to navigate that. Yes. And um, I've, and especially I think after COVID or during COVID and after COVID, people are. Like stuck in their spaces. Yes. Like no one, you know, you not going out. No one wants to move. Yeah. Where are you going? So where are we going to, to meet and to have conversations? Yeah. And what do these lists look like?

Speaker:

Ugh. The list.

Speaker 2:

Yeah. Because it changes like what you had on your list at 20, 25, 30. Yes. 35 is not,

Speaker:

oh, it's on your list. The same.

Speaker 2:

Um, so it, it, the, the dating streets are challenging, but I, you know, I'm still hopeful.

Speaker:

Yes. I think everyone should be hopeful, right? Yeah. I always say no one is in pursuit of e of many everyone's in pursuit of one. Mm-hmm. So that's why when people tell me about their list and their, their set ways, I'm always like, all right, without compromise, you'll never find love and happiness.

Speaker 2:

And people don't. And we don't. Um, and we actually, first of all, you first need to be honest with yourself. And know exactly what you want. Yeah. And that shifts, but know what you're willing to compromise on, what your deal breakers are. Why spend time going on even at this point in life? Mm-hmm. Why spend time going out with a person more than one? More than once? Mm-hmm. Um, and you already know. This is not, this is not gonna work

Speaker:

because not, but I also feel like as someone who's not dating, I've been married for over a decade now. Um, thank you. Um, and I just feel like also there's so much enjoyment in the experience. Not every connection has a destination. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? That it's a journey. Enjoy the journey. So I have a lot of single friends that I tell them, like, just enjoy the ride. Not every interaction is a business negotiation. Yes. And I think that's kind of the difficulties as successful black women, we come in with this analytical mindset where it's just like, Hmm, who are you and is this a worth my time? Sometimes it's not worth your time, but enjoy the experience.'cause everyone something.

Speaker 2:

And I think that's it. That's key if you know like there's lessons in it. Yeah. And sometimes there isn't. It is just like, that was just really bad. Or that was just really good, but,

Speaker:

but then there's a story to tell, right? Yeah, because that's what I tell them. I'm like, listen, you come to me with these crazy dating stories. I have a cocktail in my head and I am cackling. Okay? So you know, I always go thank you to that man wherever you are, because we laughed quite a bitch inside and outside the group chat. You know what I mean? So that still provides some level of joy to your life. Not every interaction will be, you know what I mean? Have an actual destination. Sometimes it's just a good Kiki for us to refer to every now and again. Yeah.

Speaker 2:

And you never know if someone really, you know, some people say you can't gain new friends after a certain age, but you never know. Sometimes it's, it's okay to have. A great male friend. Yes.

Speaker:

It's okay. I'm, I was never a believer of the no new friend movement because I feel like that's actually limiting yourself. Yeah. That's just telling yourself you're stuck in your ways. Yeah. And your own comfort. And I feel like long time ago I've learned that if I'm too comfortable, I'm not growing. And human beings need to know that. Yeah. You should. You should never just be content in being comfortable.

Speaker 2:

But I, I think that it, and that's hard. Yeah. That's just hard for many folks. It's like, and it's scary and it's, and that goes into vulnerability.

Speaker 3:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2:

You know, that really goes into vulnerability. So there are some moments there. You're like, okay, can I be vulnerable? And being like, just present. Sometimes being present is also really vulnerable for people. Yes. Where for, you know, someone like you or myself, it's like, oh, I'm all right, let me take in this, but. For someone else, it's, they're like, oh, it, it's scary. But if you don't, what I do know is if you don't do it, yeah. You will be in the same spot going in the same circle cycles Girl, and it, it's 10 years later. Yeah. And you're doing the same thing.

Speaker:

And then you look up and you wonder, how am I still in the same place in 10 years? Yeah. And that goes back to Faith and Fair. Can't exist in the same place. So you have to be aligned with your faith that anything that's make, that scares me. Right? Anything that makes me like pause. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Maybe on the other side of that is what I truly desire. Yeah. But I think as a community, we get so. Comfortable and stuck within the parameters of our environment or what we know and what we do every day. That going, I'm gonna go to a museum Wednesday after work. It's like, whoa, I've never been to a museum, not really into museums. Mm-hmm. Like, you know what I mean? But if it came across your mind, it was for a reason. If you saw something on Instagram, you saw something out in the world, just believe in yourself enough to make a move. And that's where I think the disconnect always is. When I talk to my friends about dating, I'm always like, it's less about them. It's more about you.

Speaker 2:

That's hard

Speaker:

though.

Speaker 2:

It is. I, I, I, I kind of get it, but it's, I kind of get

Speaker:

that. I tell all my friends and family, you can run away from anybody in the world. Anybody in the world, especially nowadays, you can, you know, go deep undercover. Yeah. You understand? But you could never run away from yourself. I'm always here. Girl. So what is the point? At this point, I'm a, I'm gonna rough it out with Sonika. I'm gonna be, girl, we gonna go to battle. You know what I mean? Like, I'm just, I'm gonna look in the mirror and be like, now girl. Yeah. It is so funny because I, I have the conversation with myself every day, for example. Every single summer like clockwork for like the last three summers I have gained 15 to 20 pounds. Ev like this is the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen in my life. And my birthday is in August. So it's like you stayed trim and fit the whole year. You gotta sit, you doing your thing. Summertime come, it's a rooftop loop. What? Like yeah, it's all

Speaker 2:

over. You're like it's all over. Especially in New York. Listen, I'm like, what gym are we going? And you would and you will not. Yeah, no. That

Speaker:

I get worse with food. I don't eat nothing but cookies and cocktails the whole summer. Like

Speaker 2:

the whole summer. They likes give you one

Speaker:

drink. Yes. Gimme a little ab, gimme a dessert

Speaker 2:

and a drink. I'm good. And, and, and not the light skinny drinks either. Like No. Give the margaritas Yes, let me, skinny drinks don't waste good

Speaker 4:

tequila on no light skinny drink. No, no.

Speaker:

Run

Speaker 4:

up the cocktail.

Speaker:

Yes, let's do it. But that's what I mean. And I have the conversation like now, Sonika. You know good and well, if you don't eat protein and do some type of cardio, yes. Your body's gonna be like, hold on, she's never gonna feed us.

Speaker 4:

Hold every piece of calories. She's every,

Speaker:

I know this'cause I know myself. So I have those hard conversations with myself. Is it always fun? No. But again, I know I can run from everybody, but yes, I

Speaker 2:

still, but summertime is also good for, maybe this will

Speaker:

go out for a walk. You're still outside, girl. I say every day I got a dog and everything, and I love him. We be chatting it up. I say every morning when I'm opening up the house and I'm quiet and it's just me and him. I'm like, Ooh, we going for a walk. Tre? Yes. We don't get out as much as

Speaker 4:

I'm not gonna lie to, to you Laura, we don't do it as much. We get the cackling, we on the phone, we in the meeting,

Speaker:

we get the doing

Speaker 4:

stuff and then it's the end of the night and I look in the backyard and I say, you wanna sit back there? Have a cocktail, Trev, come on, let's little, let's watch a little divorce assistance and you know, watch a little cocktail in the backyard, not a walk. Okay, so I'm not even gonna lie to yourself. So tell us about these

Speaker:

segments for food worth working well. Let's see.

Speaker 2:

Um, I brought today a couple of segments Yes. That Don do. So let's talk about sensual food fact. Mm-hmm. So my whole thing about this is just talking about foods or herbs that help the libido mm-hmm. And also help other things. Really, you know, it's, it's about, you know,

Speaker:

swinging off the chandelier is what you're saying. A little bit.

Speaker 2:

Just possibly. Possibly. You said yes.

Speaker 4:

A chandelier is meant to be reinforced.

Speaker 2:

Yes. Just, yes. So today we're gonna talk about tribulus. Tribulus is a, an herb. Mm-hmm. It's an ancient herb. Mediterranean. Mm-hmm. And, um. An Asian herb, and so you could put it in your, I guess you could put it in a smoothie. You can make a tea, an herbal tea with it. Mm-hmm. I will say, you know, disclaimer yes to please, um, consult your, with this one. Please consult your physician. Um, before taking it and indulging, because you're only supposed to take it for about 90 days. Mm. And then you're supposed to stop taking it, but I don't know how long you're supposed to stop taking it, but you know, it's something that you can try, you know, a couple times a week. Yes. See if you wanna, how

Speaker:

you know if you wanna be on a swing and whatnot, if you know a try, look. But, you know, that's interesting because it makes me think of alkaline water. People often feel like alkaline water is actually really good for your body and your pH balance. Yes. Do that, but it actually is not something that you can drink every single day. True. It can make you sick. Yes. So it is something that you need to track yourself. Mm-hmm. In saying like, I will have alkaline water every other Monday or something like that, or Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. I'm nobody, doctor, talk to your your doctor. Yes. Talk

Speaker 4:

to your pediatrician. Yes. Um, but.

Speaker:

Yeah, but it's not something you're supposed to have regularly as like you, you know, we consume like a gallon of water a day. That's, I actually love water. This is my favorite food. Um, yeah, I drink over a gallon of water a day. Really? I love water. That's part of the problem. Why I don't love food enough.

Speaker 2:

Right,

Speaker:

because I, I can live off the three Cs girl cakes, cookies, and cocktails. That's it. That's all I need in life. All I need in this life, I love it. I think I might

Speaker 2:

be a part of that tribe.

Speaker:

Listen, and the problem is my body, especially after having two kids, is like, ma'am, if you don't start and end with protein. We are just going to, we like, we, we're just not gonna do it. We're just not gonna work for you. Mm-hmm. You're, you're just gonna be hollow. How, literally saying you will have no energy. We gonna start taking your brain cells if you don't start eating a piece of chicken. So I'm sorry I to eat more drinking, but I love water so that's kind of why I am also not That's amazing. Always hungry.'cause I drink a lot. That's why you have that great skin. I see you. Thanks gr. Yeah. I always tell people actually that is the key to grits. Good. A lot of water. Yeah. I don't, I don't, you know, the people are like, I have a 10 step facial routine. I do not, yeah. I drink a lot of water and probably have like three things that I use all the time. Nuts.

Speaker 2:

Pretty much the same.

Speaker:

Yes.

Speaker 2:

Yeah. It's water, not on the water. I mean, I drink water, but that I'm, I'm trying to, to get to where you are with the water thing, but I only, my, um, skin regimen is, um, definitely minimal.

Speaker:

Yes. I'm telling you, the water, I always feel like, and water always helps in terms of like your health. It keeps your body flowing. I'm telling you, I've had so many different health, like checkups and stuff like that. Yeah. And my doc, my doctor was always like, you're freaking great when it comes to the water. Now, this protein level. We gotta do something about this protein levels. So there's always that. So I hear there's another game. Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Alright, so smash or pass? Mm-hmm. Um. You know, foods that I have found that I would be like, would you really eat this? I would. I would smash this. I would smash it or I would not, and I have, so you can decide I'm a good, you're gonna smash or are you going to. Pass. I love this. Mm-hmm. You know

Speaker:

I love me a good little prop now girl. I'm here for the theatrical and all times and all times. Alright, so you gonna tell this the food? Okay.

Speaker 2:

So the first up, first one up is, This is a deep fried, Milky Way. What? So there's a light batter, right? Mm-hmm. Which is deep fried. Never heard of it.

Speaker:

I'm gonna, we're pass. I'm gonna pass because you're gonna pass. What in the big back behavior is this? Like this? I'm not gonna lie, I would try it. She said I

Speaker 2:

would

Speaker:

try it. She said you. I will not. I will not. Yes. I just feel like this reminds me of Carnival Crazy. Yes. When I go into carnivals and they're like, deep fried Oreo, deep fried this, I'm like, wait, have you ever had a deep fried Oreo? No, I have not. You wanna know why I It is amazing. No. No. Yes. I, I refuse. I, oh, I gotta give you some deep fried ORs. Listen, this is the, look.

Speaker 2:

I'll let you pass on the, the Milky Way. The fried, Milky way you could pass. But that deep fried Oreo, I need to, that'll change. Change your life. Listen, it'll change it. I don't

Speaker:

know. It'll change it. I don't know. So what

Speaker 2:

is this? Okay, so next step is, this is a, this is fried green Tomatoes, right? So you have fried green tomatoes, smoked guta, pimento cheese. Ooh, um, olive oil, BIC. Onion jam, which is really good, surprisingly for me. Um, crumbled sausage, scrambled eggs. Ah,

Speaker:

I'm, it's interesting. It's because it's interesting. I might smash, I'm not gonna lie out of, out of Sure. Intrigue. Will I finish it? Probably not. I will do a three, three spoon, you know, three, four situation. Right. And then you might, then you might decide, then I decide, then I might, because anything deep fried, I'm not gonna lie, makes me go Why? I don't know. I love me a good fried chicken, like the next grill. Mm-hmm. But anything outside of like a fried chicken, why we de frying it? I think it's to my Caribbean

Speaker 4:

roots. I'd just be like, why? We afraid, like I'm like fried, fried. Why are we frying all these things. You ever

Speaker 2:

had Frank Green tomatoes?

Speaker:

No. Look, she said, you are missing out on

Speaker 2:

life.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 4:

All right. I'm gonna, I'm gonna explore,

Speaker 2:

and I might even let you take the rest of off, but to have at least to try a fried green tomatoes, one for one. I love tomatoes. Listen and go is my favorite cheese. Yeah. And I, I do, but the fried green tomato.

Speaker:

So of all the fried things, which one's your favorite In Just, in all of the weird fried things.

Speaker 2:

Probably. See, I don't think it's weird, but that might be because I'm, that's, that's what I up do's. I grew. I'm food and fork. Yeah. Yeah. But that's what I've known. Yes. Like I grew up on tomatoes and fried green tomatoes, so probably actually fried pickles.

Speaker:

Wow. Yeah. Didn't even know they fried a pickle. But good to Really No girl. I don't.

Speaker 2:

Oh yeah. So if I had to choose between

Speaker:

get to more southern cuisines, yes.

Speaker 2:

Yeah. If I had to choose between those you said that are kind of interesting. Oh, I will eat, uh, fried, um, fried pickles all day.

Speaker:

Oh,

Speaker 2:

interesting.

Speaker:

Listen, we, we gonna have to, we have to do all the restaurant tour. Yeah, we do the restaurant tour. Uh, okay. What's this next one? So this

Speaker 2:

one is a little clip, so let's, let's check it out.

Speaker:

It's a GLIs berry season. Yes. That. Is this a strawberry? What's on the inside? They put a hole in the strawberry. Looks a little, you know, I know that. I know damn well that's not a goddamn hot dog. Did they put a hot dog in the strawberry? Did they? And okay, what race is it? What is that? Mayonnaise and hot dogs with a strawberry now. Wait the hell on here. This is called a GLIs berry.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it looks accurate. It, it looks a GLIs berry and I. Just said it was wrong and I was, I'm gonna pass on, I'm gonna,

Speaker:

I'm not just only gonna pass on it. I'm also calling the authorities because that hot dog was white. So it tells me it's not even cooked. What is happening? No, what? I

Speaker 2:

didn't, I've totally forgot about that. I really totally forgot about it. Extra. It's extra. It's extra past. I mean, it's like, let's not even.

Speaker:

Like, and why? Why did you even think that a hot dog and a strawberry should be together? And then the insult of mayonnaise. But then I immediately thought, what? Then? You

Speaker 2:

thought it you. But then he also put graham cracker crumbs on top.

Speaker:

Because why?

Speaker 2:

Because the strawberry, you know, the sweet, salty, maybe, I don't know. It's not the hot dog, the male, I don't know. But. We passed. We we've definitely passed on that.

Speaker:

Thank you. I love this. This was a great segment and a cute segment also tells me I need to open up my palette when it comes to food clearly. Outside of the, you know, GLIs berry.'cause ain't no way. Yeah. Ain't no way. I don't want

Speaker 2:

you to do a GLIs berry. I'm not gonna do a GLIs berry, so I wouldn't do it to you.

Speaker:

Oh my gosh, I love this. Thank you so much for bringing these cool, fun segments to the show. This was lovely, but I wanna hear more about Laura and food for Forking Food Dating Lifestyle. So, going through your dating journey, what has it taught you?

Speaker 2:

Uh oh. Hmm hmm. Oh my gosh. Um, that I'm okay. Mm-hmm. And where I am, I'm in a good space, I'm ready. Um, more relaxed. Yeah. Like, it's not like, okay, let me think. And all these things, they're like, all right, this is where I am and I have a lot to offer.

Speaker 5:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Um, who is he and on this journey of doing it. Um, working on, you know, we talked about vulnerability Yes. And what that means, and being comfortable in that, in that space and getting more comfortable in that space. Mm-hmm. I don't think it's, um, something that, you know, just, at least for me, um, I'm getting better at it.

Speaker 5:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

I'm getting better at it and exploring, like just be you. Show up if it works. Great. We don't ha And actually the, and really more for those first dates, they don't have to be a five star dinner or a trip.'cause I've been hearing these stories and I'm like, no, it doesn't have to be that it, it could totally be coffee, it could totally be meeting for a drink. Why would I, I mean, again, this is me. I don't have an interest in sitting and having a full meal with someone and I already know like it. 10 minutes in possibly or shortly in that this is, this is not gonna work. Yeah. We don't, we don't have a conversation. So that, and

Speaker:

also I feel like the more, I don't know, theatrics is not the right word, but the more elaborate the first date is mm-hmm. In my perspective, the more it steals away from authentic connection. I think when you meet someone to go grab a cup of coffee or, Hey, I'm in this area, you wanna walk with me until I get to the train, or wherever it, it kind of puts us in a situation where we're natural, we're in our own element, and we could just talk and learn about each other. Versus I'm gonna make a reservation at Nobu and you meet me here and you don't know what should I wear and how do I present myself and maybe this is my first time. So then it becomes more about the cuisine, the outfit, and all these other things. Yeah. So by halfway into the dinner you realize like, this person is actually not comfortable. They all tight and whatnot. They looking around'cause they feel like this, the first time I'm here or I've gone here, like, this is place, this is actually not a, a good place for a first date. Yeah. So it becomes everything but. The person you're sitting across from.

Speaker 2:

Yeah. And show up, um, with some interest, not complaining when you walk in the door, or if example, um, the data set for a, let's say the data set for a brunch, right? Two o'clock.

Speaker 3:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2:

And you call me and you at one 30, I'm here and it's hot. Well, okay. Okay. Um, I'll see you at at two, but I'll be sure to be there. But walk around like there's plenty of places. It's a great, you

Speaker:

know, you know, neighborhood immediately makes me think I'm not gonna

Speaker 2:

show up. No, no.

Speaker:

Well, maybe, but also that person is not comfortable. That That's what I, oh, yeah. It immediately makes me, I have always felt like I could feel people better than I can see them. Mm-hmm. And that hearing someone show up to a date 30 minutes early to call the person and say, tell them about the temperature, and show some sense of discomfort. You're uncomfortable with your. Or with the environment, you don't know. I just, yes. I would just go, because I don't think I thought about that one exactly in that, in that, in that way. I was like,

Speaker 2:

oh, oh. I'm like, what is wrong? So to me,

Speaker:

and also we are people of community and, and tribe, right? We were never meant to be alone and by ourselves. That's why COVID really shook us up. Human beings weren't meant to be alone. Mm-hmm. So you calling me 30 minutes before you supposed to be somewhere telling me about the weather. All I hear is comfort me through this until you get here. That's what I hear when somebody, Hmm, that's what I hear. That's a good perspective because I, I, I feel people better than I can see them.

Speaker 2:

Okay.

Speaker:

So, and I would just be like, oh, what makes it hot? Do you think? Do they have ac and start asking them questions because it just shows me that they're used to. Some level of not dependency.'cause there's a thin line of like being codependent on someone for your own feelings or just, is this a safe place for me to land? Can I say to you it's hot and I'm early and you know, is this a safe place for me to land? Mm-hmm. So that's what I would go, is there ac. Is it a lot of people is the windows open? So I would give them back, you know, I would say a little tennis match. I give them back the ball to figure out what's making them uncomfortable. What makes you say it's hot? What's, why are you there early? And then through that expiration, they're gonna be like, oh, well yeah, I don't even know if they ACS here. Well, you know what, I'm here early. Let me actually walk around that like. Sometimes it's not. I always say we all have gifts and great talents and strengths in different areas. Mm-hmm. Some people just don't know how to open up themselves. Like so just bat it back to them in a way that show them like, Hey, you're early. It's hot.

Speaker 5:

It's okay. It's all

Speaker:

right. Is the AC on? Is it too much people in there? And then you give them something to refocus their energy on. So it could be like, oh, the AC is on, but the place is really packed in here and I'm not. Then my response is like, Ooh, is it dates? Is it friends? What's going on? And then you give me something back and I'm like, oh, I can't wait to see you. Gimme a few minutes. I'm still wrapping up. I'm on my way there. Then in that same moment, I comforted you through whatever made you get there 30 minutes early and call me. You know what I mean? But then also provided a safe place for you to land so that when I do see you at two o'clock,

Speaker 2:

you don't feel awkward because you, we are not angry or you're not. That was. You know what? That was good. That was really good, because I didn't take it that way. Not that I was rude. Mm-hmm. But I was like, okay, we'll walk around. I either go outside. Mm-hmm. Um, I'll see you shortly, because we tend to wanna fix it for people rather than allowing them to fix it themselves. And I didn't. That's what

Speaker:

you wanted. You provided a solution. No one asked for a solution. They just asked for an ear.

Speaker 2:

Oh. See, I didn't take it that way at all. See, that was good. See, girl, I try. Mm-hmm. I try every now and then. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have to remember that.

Speaker:

Yes. Just every, I feel like that's a

Speaker 2:

pause. That's a beat. That's a beat.

Speaker:

Take a take a beat and pause. Take a beat. And remember that for a beat. Yes. Right. And just remember that. Mm-hmm. Everyone's looking for a soft place to land. Yeah. And not like it's easy to know when someone's trying to take advantage of you or you know, trying to manipulate you, but on the initial pass, someone's trying to find a soft place to land, especially if we're about to meet up. Nobody wants to waste their time.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker:

But if I'm uncomfortable and don't know what to do. It makes you don't know what other people are going through. So for all you know, in his dating experience, he's been told you need to share your feelings more. If you feel uncomfortable, say you feel uncomfortable, then mm-hmm. Instead of like sitting down crouching and doing all these things, you make people feel a way. So on his journey, maybe it was, I need to communicate more of my feelings, so let me just communicate this.

Speaker 2:

Okay.

Speaker:

Do you see what I mean? Like it gives everyone's journey a place to kind of exist without the judgment. I think just, I feel like as black women, we are solutions oriented. So somebody comes to me with, girl, I can't find a parking, I don't, this guy is da da da. We like, here's a solution. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. And sometimes we're not looking for solutions. We're just looking for a ear.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because, but he looks pretty grumpy though, I will say. Although, mm-hmm. That for the future, Uhhuh, I was like, oh, that's. That's a good one. Yes. But it was, it was challenging. Yes. Afternoon,

Speaker:

not, it was a challenge, but, but I would explore that. Right? Yeah. So I, as someone who I, like I said, I haven't dated in forever. Right. But I always feel like if your, to me, energy is everything. That's why I love doing in studio interviews. Mm-hmm. Energy is everything. If I feel like your energy is off, or you're grumpy, or whatever the situation is, and it doesn't have to be a dating situation, we could just be networking or connected. I'm, I'm a straight shooter. Was all, you had a, you had a rough week. What's going on? Yeah. Yeah. Partner you, you here, but you feel like you ain't wanna be here. Yes.

Speaker 2:

Yes.

Speaker:

Should we walk you to the train, like we can walk out over there and duck on the way? Yes. We ain't gotta waste these people good food now, but again, I'm, that's'cause Sonika is a straight shooter and I always say that I don't expect people to be as straight as me. Yeah. So sometime that's. I'm gonna be grumpy until she either asks me what's going on or she gonna ignore that I'm grumpy or like, oh yeah, no. Do you see what I'm saying? But don't do that then, but everybody needs something. Yeah. We're communal people. Yeah.

Speaker 2:

But it's also the de that delivery that like, okay, let, let's, how I took that also is take, taking some checks, like, mm-hmm. Let me check that off. What's going on in there? Yeah, check. Everything's fine. Okay. This and check'em off, and then maybe that'll calm the person down.

Speaker:

Yeah. Or not. Or explore why. Yeah. Just, I always say the best thing we can do for each other is ask y.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker:

And don't ex don't be committed to the outcome. Yeah. Right. Yes. Thank you so much for being here. You, this was such a fun, unique episode. This was great. It wasn't it, it was. See, and we will continue and we will do it again. Yes. Thank you. I'm looking forward to it. Awesome. For sure. All right. Yay. And this is another episode of How Do You Divine Forking A Collab People