How do you divine?

ILLUMINATE: Overcoming Fear & Embracing Your Light with Deb Lester

• How do you divine? • Season 3 • Episode 26

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In this episode of 'How Do You Divine,' we dive deep into the concept of illumination with special guest Deb Lester. Deb shares her journey from a successful corporate career in HR to helping women find their light and conquer their fears through her Conquer Club. The conversation explores the importance of finding self-love, the challenges of imposter syndrome, and the realities of entrepreneurship. Deb discusses how personal experiences, such as moving to Dallas on a whim and facing unexpected job loss, have shaped her path and mission to inspire others. Join us as we explore what it means to truly illuminate your own life and be a guiding light for others.

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Thank you for listening and for adding new dimensions to your definitions. Keep growing, keep exploring, and keep defining life on your terms.


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Sanika is a storyteller, vibe architect, and crowd igniter—passionate about self-discovery, culture, and the power of words. With a background in technology and marketing communications, she’s built a platform rooted in authenticity and resonance. Whether commanding the stage or leading deep conversations, Sanika doesn’t just hold space—she transforms it. Her work inspires growth, challenges perspectives, and amplifies the voices that need to be heard most

As the host of How Do You Divine?, she invites listeners to redefine meaning, embrace transformation, and navigate life—one word at a time. Her mi...

Speaker 2:

Welcome back to this episode of How Do You Divine, where we explore the words that define our life, one word at a time and ex, and the journey between its conflicting or complimenting our spiritual paths. And today we are here with Deb Lester to explore the word illuminate. Deb, welcome to the show. What's up girl? Hang key. Good. Hey, I'm good. I'm good. Good. You look great. Thank you. You do too, girl. So listen, I'm just so happy to have you on the show and talk about Illuminate, right? Because when we first started talking about your journey through your corporate experiences to now helping women conquer who they are, I felt like so much of your energy illuminated through the screen, right? And I felt like it's important for us to talk about what it means to be illuminated as an individual. I illuminate our own paths and also be a light for others. So take us back to Deb in the corporate spaces and how were you illuminated in those spaces, in that journey?

Speaker:

I feel like, and I feel, I always talk to a lot of girls that can relate to this, and you tell me what you think too. Always been able to find a good job, always been able to find places where I feel like I thrive. This is a little easy. I come in, I'm training Miss Linda, who been here 40 years, you know what I'm saying? I worked in hr I'm moved to Dallas years ago, just on a whim. Started a career in HR and absolutely loved it. But it was this feeling in my belly where it was like, oh, I don't know. I don't, I feel like it's something more. Or the promotions would come and they would seem exciting. Everything seemed exciting, but I was like, I just really wanna just do something deeper. I had great bosses. My last job, my last HR career that I walked away from Nikki Girl, we had a fully stocked, um, fully stocked kitchen. You can go down there and get you some food. I don't mean just the granola, barss and bananas. I mean, they got sausage in the freezer. They got a blender. You can make a smoothie. They would deliver Chick-fil-A every Thursday. Um, I get to fly every week and keep all of the benefits. I'm talking about everything that I could want. Nice.

Speaker 3:

But

Speaker:

it's this thing of not feeling better than, but just feel called to something different and something deeper, and I just had to explore it.

Speaker 2:

Nice. No, I, girl, I know the feeling. Yeah. I always say that I don't have that corporate experience where I'm like, I hate my job. I've never hated my job. No, I've never hated my job. I, I also know when I come to outgrow a space or a situation, right. I'm very. Cognizant of company's growth and journey and their staff. I always see things as a CEO, right? Even if I'm an individual contributor or leading a team, I understand the full chess board, as I say, right? So I can totally understand where you're like, I love this. This was great, but I felt called to do something more. And I think while it called you into entrepreneurship, a good, a good thing that we need to talk about is that it can also just call people into a pivot.

Speaker:

True.

Speaker 2:

And we shouldn't allow the comfort and just the fulfillment of where you are now to keep you stagnant to where you can be tomorrow. Because like you said, the promotions was coming. You was eating up granola balls. Good girl. I was there.

Speaker:

I was the first person lie. I was like, oh, what time he gonna be here?'cause I'm be there early today. Okay.

Speaker 2:

Exactly. And you were happy, but you still had that calling inside. And to me, that also talks about keeping your internal fire going. Mm-hmm. Right. Because sometimes from what we were taught, we ignore that calling. Right, because you don't want, you don't wanna be the crazy one girl jumping out there out on a whim. You don't got nothing now. And you know, you feel like you made a mistake, but it's so good to hear that you loved your job. You got your promotions, girl, you was having your Chick-fil-A once a week like, but you still were called to do something else. But you mentioned that you can you move to Dallas on a whim? Take us there before you take us forward. Where are you originally from? You can't just throw that out girl.

Speaker:

I'm from Memphis.

Speaker 2:

Okay.

Speaker:

That is I am born and raised in Memphis. Um, most of my family is still in Memphis and I started dating my husband when I was 15. So we've been together for forever and a today, literally. We grew up together and so we were really,

Speaker 2:

yes, that's my boot bag. I love him. Yes. That's my mother and my friend.

Speaker:

I love that. I love hearing the same similar story. Yes. So we were working at a self storage facility. I know we see'em all the time and when you work at a self storage facility, some of them have on campus or onsite apartments. So they gave us a free apartment on site. No rent, no light bill, no. Obviously no commute to work. I'm over there on little golf cart. Going to work. Listen

Speaker 2:

dad, lemme find out. You, you just been hitting life's jackpot. That's what it, like the Lord is blessing. You

Speaker:

was living Okay. Headache. Good. Okay. And. I don't know. I just feel like I was like, I'm an adventure junkie. I was like, I wanna do something different. I wanna see something different. I wanna explore something different. And one day I said to my husband, I said, what do you think about moving outta Memphis? And he was like, what you think? And I'm just thinking of big cities. I'm just thinking of big cities. I said, what do you think about Dallas girl? Ain't neither one of us ever been to Dallas a day in our life? And he was like, I like the Dallas Cowboys. You know what I'm saying? That's what he thinking. Alright, listen. Let

Speaker 2:

that light illuminate you in, girl. Bring you in. I love that.

Speaker:

And so we looked online and we saw two positions open in the Dallas area and we asked our gm, she was real cool. Shout out to Ms. Rubic child. She was so cool. We was like, what does it look like for us to transfer? She said, well baby, let me find out. You know, I'll just ask some questions. We'll see. We didn't think none of it, girl. We go back into work couple of days later, they're like, well, they said those two positions in Dallas are yours. If you want them. The district manager has already vouched for you. There's no interview needed for either one of y'all. Oh, if y'all want the job. They said, the only thing is they don't have anywhere for y'all to live. So we had to decide if we were gonna leap and take it. And we were gone in less than 30 days and we, yeah, started a crazy journey together.

Speaker 2:

Deb. Not Deb. Like, to me, when these type of things happen, you have to sit back and go, only God.

Speaker:

Yep. Packed our little Yorkie up. We put the stuff in the storage unit. You know, our families must thought we was crazy. They like, y'all ain't got no rent, y'all ain't got no life, y'all ain't got no kids, y'all ain't got no commute. Why would you wanna go? But I was just like, if all this fails, well we, Memphis ain't going nowhere. You ain't, I mean like, let's go. We went out about two weeks later and we said, well let's go see. We found a one bedroom and a couple of weeks later we packed up the car. We went and got an air mattress, we got a box of chicken and back then Netflix was at the gas station where you actually going get the DVD and we started our lives in Dallas and that was back in 2013.

Speaker 2:

Oh my God. Thank the Lord. Because look at that. If you didn't, if you didn't step out on faith, you wouldn't be where you are now because you went from storage facility to corporate. Yeah. And then killing it in HR to now illuminating the lives of new, of other people. Tell us more about the Conquer Club. How did you move from. Corporate to the Conga Club. Tell me what was going on. Like in HI always say HR is an interesting place in corporate.

Speaker:

Ooh baby. God bless, God bless all the HR people and all the people that go in the HR office.'cause I truly saw some stuff and y'all truly be out there cutting up at work. But that's a story time for another day. Okay. I always say when I retire I'm just gonna do like a tell all story of HR stories of stuff I saw. But working in hr, HR after

Speaker 2:

dark

Speaker:

HR after dark for real baby.'cause y'all, y'all been work cutting up. But I worked in HR and with that I was a HR business partner. So I was alongside the leaders where we going through KPIs, we're looking at sales trends, uh, we're implementing systems, we're implement processes and procedures. So I got very business Abby. And so I would start little journeys, little stuff that I wasn't consistent with. I would have coworkers start stuff that sometimes they were consistent with or not, and I was like, wow, I really understand how to like create the foundation of a business and, and walk through like what you should do day to day.

Speaker 3:

Yeah.

Speaker:

What I found was a lot of people were excited about the idea of it and they were like, Ooh, Deb, that make a lot of sense. But the consistency, I would be like, okay, so go live, do this, go tell 10 people, and they would be like, oh, I gotta put myself out there. I gotta do all that. I'm like, uh, yeah.

Speaker 3:

Yeah.

Speaker:

And I realized that people really, really had a fear. I was working with women, like they needed to conquer their fear of being seen. So that's how it really evolved into the Conquer Club, where it's like the strategy, the ideas, y'all got that. But showing up, getting visible, not being scared. Not being afraid to be rejected.'cause it just is what it is. Right?

Speaker 2:

Listen, like it really had to evolve every note for every No. Makes you a yes. So much bigger.

Speaker:

Yep. So we had to really, now we just talk about conquering your fear of being seen and don't be brilliant and invisible. Don't be pretty and scared of the camera. Like you, if you gonna do it, you gotta do it. And, and that's what we all about.

Speaker 2:

That reminds me of a saying that I heard recently, a few months ago. I was actually telling a good friend about it that I feel like it was John O'Brien, but I'm not sure.'cause I, I've taken a lot of information. Girl. I love, I'm a happy little nerd. I love information. Um, but he said that ideas have no owners only executors.

Speaker 3:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2:

And I thought that was so simple but profound in the way he said it. Because I do feel like as women, we have these great ideas and we see ways to optimize and elevate and really execute to maximize the outcome. Even it being sales or revenue, um, sales, operations, whatever the outcome is. But something about being the one to stand up in the room and articulate that vision and walk someone through it is difficult. And while it's not difficult for me, I've been in the space in different rooms where I've had to step in and kind of help people nurture and massage their, their idea to someone else. Just helping them with like communication And Is this what you mean? Is that what you mean? And what trends, what do you think, where do you think that comes from? Because I feel like as individuals, just thinking about if every single one of us are a light, we illuminate wherever we go. Mm-hmm. Regardless, right? If you wanna be seen or not. If you're in the room, you're illuminating. Right? Mm-hmm. What do you think is either the experiences or the habits that make us believe that we can exist without illuminating?

Speaker:

Mm. I've seen it be a couple of different experiences I've seen where it is the little black girl and it's like, okay, no, don't now, don't do too much now. Or, you know, you cute and you smart, but, but pipe all it down. And then maybe that. Internalizes and shows up in habits now where it's like, Ooh, I'm really all that, but I can't really do too much'cause it's gonna make everybody else in here uncomfortable. Yeah. If I'm, if I'm that smart, I'm that pretty. And I'm like, I'm executing like that. I'm doing too much. So I gotta pipe that down. You know? I've really seen it manifest like that. Um, and I can relate to that so much because sometimes I say, well, who am I to be out here? You know what I'm saying? Like, turning up the world like this.

Speaker 2:

I, I, you know what's so funny? It's interesting to me to have these conversations as adults because I used to mentally and actually have these conversations with my grandmothers when I was really young, like eight, seven years old. And I'd be like, mama, I just, I just wanna do good work. I don't need to be the one in the classroom reading out loud walking people. I don't need to be the one. And she used to say, but if not you, then who? Mm-hmm. And if God said that's for you, who are you to say no? Yep. And I think it's a little bit of train conditioning, right? Like we've been conditioned. And that's why I have this strong sense of empathy for the generation before us, because they told us to pipe down. Don't do too much. Don't be seen, don't be because they wanted us to protect our light. They wanted to protect us in a way, right? They didn't want us to be shot down, be ridiculed or penalized, right?

Speaker:

Right? True.

Speaker 2:

No. I understand where they come from when they say, you know, keep your head down. Do what you gotta do. Get on out. Don't be too loud, don't be too smart, don't do too much. But that can only get us. But so far. You know what I mean? And I, that's why it's like a, I see success as a stacking brick and if the generation before us stack their bricks so well that we are in the room. Right. It's up to our generation to now take off that coating and illuminate in the way that we should.

Speaker:

Yes. And you know, ultimately what's happening is, what I'm finding in the women that I talk to is, is really permission. It is really permission. Like if you think about Illuminate, I'm sure you know some gorgeous girls and they be like, well, I don't wanna turn on the camera. I'm like, girl. Now if I had that little 1, 2, 3, like that, baby, I'll be shaking it on six TikTok all day. Okay. What's the little trick? I,

Speaker 2:

I, if I'm honest, I was that person. I was like, I don't need to be in front of the camera. Yeah, because I come from traditional audio media, so I'm just like, why? We need a camera. I don't want it to be about my appearance. Like, yeah, you know it because I hate to talk about pretty privilege and all this things, but mm-hmm. It becomes just about that.

Speaker:

Yeah, that's very true.

Speaker 2:

If I'm honest. A huge pet peeve of mine. Huge pet peeve of mine. I'm like, my appearance is the most least interesting thing about me. Yeah.

Speaker:

I feel you on that for sure. It is very real.

Speaker 2:

So I understand the reservation from that standpoint'cause I've lived that life. But I, what I will never reconcile is the diminishing of anyone's light, despite your appearance otherwise, because like they say, beauty's in the eye, beholder girl.'cause like you could be cute to him and ugly to her. So it can't, in my perspective, it can't matter.

Speaker:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Everything doesn't have. Space to be a part of what you carry it forward. Like if you need your soul, you know, you need your communication. You know, I always say God gives us our key things that we need to serve.

Speaker 3:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2:

You know what I mean? Like we, like he said, I formed junior mother's life. Don't get me on here. Preaching girl. Right. But, but everyone has those key things that he's giving you to serve Right. In this world. And I just want us to focus on those key things. Mm-hmm. Don't focus on the extras, but don't let the extras hold you back from using those key things.

Speaker:

That's right.

Speaker 2:

So how have you seen people on this journey to conquer? Right? Because like you said, you were in corporate. You had, you know, you saw people start things not being consistent. Do you feel like the consistency came from their imposter syndrome, them just holding themselves back? Or was it a capa? What is a capacity thing?

Speaker:

Um, all of the above. Mm. And even still to this day, even like how it shows up in my life, it's all of the above. It is real life happening stuff that we can and can't control. Like this year my daddy gr died and my grandma died. I ain't worried about the audience. I ain't worried about no tick. Like real life is gonna come knock your door down. Um, some imposter syndrome, a little depression creeping up. That's just regular everyday life. It don't matter how much money you got or how cute you look or whatever, like sometimes your mental health is impacted to where you can't create, especially when it's just you, it's different when you can go to work, fake it for eight hours and clock out and go home. Like when it's just you trying to create, it's difficult. So it's just, and then a capacity thing. I don't have any babies yet, but sometimes I wanna log off and spend time with my husband or spend time with my friends or, you know, kick it on the couch with a little Chinese food and, and binge watch something on Netflix. So. It can be all of the above. And I, I just really want people to hear like, it's not just you, you don't, it's, and me and you were talking about this before we started recording. I was like, girl, I'm tired, friend. I'm tired. I had my event this week. You was like, girl, you need the rest. I was like, I know I need the rest. Yes. Like that's part of the process. That's part of the journey. And like we honor that. We talk about inside the Conquer Club, we talk about like giving your rest and expiration date. So let's say this week you like, I ain't got it. I'm like, that's cool. Like shut it down till Thursday. That way you can rest without some guilt and you can get back to it. Because sometimes we do set it down too long and we don't pick it back up.

Speaker 2:

So, but you hit it right on the head by like giving yourself permission. And this is again, one of those through lines to me that I see has. Really dominated generations after generation, after generation because in a way, I'm a historian. I love data. I love to see trends like this. I told you I'm a happy little nerd girl, right? And I remember reading Sherry Shepherd's book about permission slips. Essentially, it's a book about her life, and she's also giving women the permission to let go some of the burdens similar to like rest, you know, the expectation of who you should be as a wife, as a mother, all these labels. And the expectation, the entire book is some basically giving women permission to be who you need to be in that season of your life without the guilt. But then I, great book, highly recommend. But then I sat back and thought, wow, Sherry Shepherd's in her fifties. She's gorgeous, by the way. I love me some Sherry. She, me too, girl, listen, I love, that's my put on show. I say, listen, and, but Sherry Shep is in her fifties where she's having the conversations. My, my older cousins who's in their forties, they're having the conversations. We having the conversations as millennials. I tell my 17-year-old daughter to relax, pipe down, go take a nap. It's okay not to be doing all the things. Life is not running away from you in a way where you feel like you need to catch it.

Speaker 3:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2:

But going back to like both of our experiences, I just feel like what part. Of the conditioning set that as a standard and because that's where it comes from. The seed was planted somewhere that told us in order for us to be deserving of our own light, it's very weird. We have to work. You gotta earn it.

Speaker:

You better do them dishes before you lay down in my house.

Speaker 2:

Listen,

Speaker:

you better go do that. You wanna go outside, you can outside this living room and clean it up. There you go Outside. So you're like, my thing, nah, no, I gotta do all that for a happy meal. Yeah, you better go Happy meal them dishes.

Speaker 2:

Oh my God. I'm glad you said that because I don't think I've ever thought about it like that. Yes, we had to earn. Standard things like you don't going out to play and maybe that's the way it comes from, but you're right.

Speaker:

I can even go a little bit deeper with that though. It's been my experience about um, you know, I love the 30 so much'cause you just uncovered a lot of stuff, but finding identity and stuff outside of me, that's something I can deeply relate to. Um, and I didn't even know that it was a thing while I was going through it, but just finding identity in external things. I think as a woman, in my experience, I love all of the relationships and all of the things that I have and all of the alk like I love those things. And I found myself in therapy a couple of years ago. I love Conquer. That's my baby. But I was like, this is not my identity. This is not who I am as a person. I need a hobby. I need some off. Like this is not my identity. So I even found myself building up, like, who am I? My therapist was like, business alone. That's that's not even in the conversation right now. Hubby. That's not in the conversation right now. Friends, all the cute Facebook stuff that's not in the conversation. Let's talk about you as a person. And I was like, okay, why you all in my business? But okay. But yeah, so I don't know if other women can relate to the experience, but. Sometimes we do find happiness. It's, it's not a happy, it's a happiness that we actually like, you know, we love being, if you come to my house, I love being able to take care of you and fix your drink and make sure you're comfortable. Like, that feels good to my soul. Like, I like that. But when I do that to the extreme, I'm left depleted and actually resentful. You know, too, that I gave all that away. You didn't even ask me to.

Speaker 2:

I was just about to say that. That no one asked you to do. I, listen, I resonate with that deeply. I resonate with that deeply because I remember years ago when both of my children were really young.'cause I had my kids, young, had my kids before I was 24. Mm-hmm. And I, I remember reading this thing, I, I, I told you I love to re girl. Um, and it said the, one of the hardest questions for human beings to answer is, who are you? And you cannot. Spring title possessions or position, meaning you can't say my career. You can't say mother, daughter. You can't say wealthy. Blessed success. And you can't, if you can't use any of those elements to answer who you are. And I was so, in a way, I was so glad that I went through that earlier on in life because I didn't want to be one of those moms that like raised my kids to be dependent on me. Mm-hmm. I don't know. I've always had this strong sense of discernment where it's just like I'm raising human beings. Like I want them to be out in the world doing the things, living they life. I don't want them to feel like I have a grapple on your life. Like your life is my life. My life. Mm-hmm. Is your life. Like I, something about that just never felt good to me. And it's, I'm glad that I went through that because the who you are statement is like how I illuminate, right? I'm always like, girl, I'm, I'm a chatter. I'm a yapper, certified yapper. I can listen. I love to connect with human beings. I love to talk, I love to laugh. I love to learn. That's who I am, right? Like, and it really does force you to separate yourself from what you've accomplished and what essentially in a way was earned for you. Right? Like,'cause you, like you've earned these titles, you earned, but though all of those things are still something you had to work towards versus who you are is like inherently who you've always been, right? If you lay down on the ground right now, don't get up for the next three weeks. That's still who you are, right? And I, I think it's hard for for people to do that because I think you, you hit it right on the head earlier because we were raised to earn the who we are.

Speaker 3:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2:

Like, listen, I'm a chat. I'm a cha. I've always been, I've been the kid with the talkative on the report. Well, I listen A plus plus talkative could reduce communication in class class, man, I wanna be the line leader. Y'all listen to me, listen a bit of a distraction in class. I had all those notes, you know what I mean? But in a way, we had to earn the ability to celebrate that because who we were was like, all right, now bring it down. Yeah.

Speaker:

And you know, something else that we talk about even in the Conquer Club is making sure that we have hobbies. We're really big on that. What are you doing? Outside of your business that you enjoy, you ain't making no money from it. You ain't advertising it. It ain't gotta be content. Like I love Nick, I love makeup. I'm such a makeup girly, and I love like charcuterie boards. Ooh, I love a little wa and cheese, but like, I wanna do it up and every time somebody sees me do it, you know what they say? You should do this as a business girl, or you should do this as a business. And I was like, no.'cause then I'm not gonna like, like that. Or I need something where I can just do it where I don't feel, oh, well now let me go record it and do it for a TikTok. And you know, like without turning it into a thing. I'm most creative. Those are things that, that are just me. You know, they don't have any attachment play really.

Speaker 2:

It's just playing. Going back to that child who just love girl. I can tell you a few things. Like I, I love to sew. My grandmother was a seamstress. I love to take a outfit. I love that. I'm a, I I, I like printed things. Yeah. But I love to take like a shirt, a dress, and make like, in my mind, I have four ideas for that one piece.

Speaker:

I love that I'm making

Speaker 2:

all kinds, but I also don't ask me to be no fashion blogger. I'll give you a little outfit. I give you a little outfit every now and then, but no, I don't wanna bring, because there's so much. Peace in it for me. Like it's so quiet. All I hear is like maybe little soul machine. Like, it's so peaceful to me. But I think it's just, again, going back to that permission to illuminate for yourself. Mm-hmm. Because I think that's the part that we often forget is that in order for your light to shine bright, you need to take care of that candle wick. How are you, how are you lighting up? For myself, same girl. There's things that I just do for me, and I'm just, this, there wouldn't, it won't be recorded. I just, I be in the backyard doing, um, cartwheels and stuff. Like, they like, look at this, look at this, look at somebody. Come look at this. Like, but you won't see it as context because I know, you know, not everything is made to facts made for wide consumption. Mm-hmm. But I also feel like touching on that not everyone is made to be an entrepreneur.

Speaker 3:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2:

You know, and I think we have gotten to this place, and I don't know if it's the information or it's the culture. I don't know what is driving this conversation around. Everyone should be an entrepreneur. Everyone should have a side business. Everyone should be doing all the things that I think in reverse has created this sense of I'm behind.

Speaker:

Mm-hmm. I'm amazed when I hear. That's something that I don't think I've been able to resonate with, um, is this idea of being. Behind in a sense. Even when people ask me like about, I have kids and I'm just like, I'm just, I'm just doing my, I'm just living my life. Like I don't, but I think I heard that message a lot and you tell me what you think about this. I heard that message a lot during the pandemic. See this, why y'all need more than one stream of income?'cause these jobs laying people off. And so do you think it could be like an economic pressure where people are like, Hmm, well maybe I do need to start exploring something where I can make money. But it's not that it's, I don't wanna say it's not that simple, but it's just,

Speaker 2:

it's not, that's not that simple. No, but it's not that simple. I, it's, I say part of it was the pandemic, but I think when it comes to the pandemic, now that we are five years. Out of the pandemic. I just feel like we speak about it so casually without taking into account the deep effects.

Speaker:

It was traumatic.

Speaker 2:

This and the fact that this is something that has happened for the first time in anyone's life. I'm talking generations after gen. My grandmother couldn't tell me about how to deal with the pandemic

Speaker:

facts,

Speaker 2:

so mama couldn't tell you how to deal with the pandemic. So I just don't like that. We're using this once in a, not even just a lifetime, once in forever situation that could have happened that it's. Oddly weird that we were blessed to be able to say this thing happened because generations down the road would be like, how? How did the whole, everyone was inside, that's impossible. Like

Speaker:

right. Y'all wasn't going to church or like the idea, nobody could be outside.

Speaker 2:

That doesn't make sense. Like so much of what we experienced was an anomaly. Mm-hmm. Do you understand what I mean? So how do we take generations after generations of systems of scaling? Yes. From an economic perspective, but also from an emotional and mental standpoint. I just feel like we have grown as human beings, both emotionally and mentally, not just within the black community, but the whole world has grown from this anomaly. But now we take this anomaly and try to create a whole new set of rules. Just in case this anomaly happens.

Speaker:

Happens to I know, right? We like, Lord, I'm the same. That was crazy. It

Speaker 2:

was crazy. And I'm like, pipe down. My name is not Jesus, not the father, nor I'm not here trying to prepare if or when another pandemic is gonna happen. Like that's not my, that's not, that's above my pay grade. Right. You know what I mean? Like that's

Speaker:

above. We already missed the rapture. Exactly. We missed the

Speaker 2:

rapture. Like I was present for the pandemic. This is above my pay grade. It's above. It's above me now. Right. That's right. It's above me now. So I think we just, we need to like, you know what they say, you take the meat and leave the bones. Like you can't take everything. So realistically

Speaker:

yeah.

Speaker 2:

Because as human beings, we all have a set a capacity. Yep. And I think part of the problem is. We're taking in all this information and we're consuming from social media, wherever, and friends and family, and no one's stopping and saying, what works for Ika, what works for Deb? What works for Ben? What works for Paul? Because it will be different. We all don't have the same capacities. Like you said, you ain't trying to have kids now and talk to you girl as someone who has a 17 and a 13-year-old. Take your time. Don't rush. Like, you know what I mean? And I, I can say, and I'll say that now at, at 12 o'clock, but then at eight o'clock when they all in bed, leave me alone. I'm like, thank God I had these kids early, so early. Right. Go on out and do it and live my life. And I know they, you know what I mean? Right, exactly. It's, it's a wave, but everyone's journey is unique to them and I think that's part of why I wanted us to talk about the importance of illuminating. For itself. Do you understand what I mean? Because your, my fire can never burn. Like your fire, your fire will always do its thing. Do you understand what I mean? And it's just knowing that it is not a competing fire. It's not a competing light. It's actually a complimenting light. And if we don't allow each other to identify how you illuminate in the world now, we we're essentially building dark spots around our own lives. Mm. I can

Speaker:

relate to that so much. And when you talk about like illuminate and light and feeling called and stuff, even last year I found my business just, I couldn't get into it. My mental health, I didn't have a good routine. I was just waking up whenever. And I found myself applying back to jobs and back at work last year. Mm. And they fired me in 10 days. I was confused. I was lost. I was sad. What? Angry. Um, but confused is just the biggest thing. I was like, okay, God, well maybe you do want me back in something more stable. Let me get back to the field. I felt ashamed. I felt scared. I said, well, what does this mean for Conquer? Because I'm in the habit of woo woo, woo, woo woo all day. And then they fired me in 10 days.'cause girl, I'm at the job like, well, y'all got, I wonder. They fired me. When I think back on it, Dickie, I'm at the job like, well, y'all got this system. It'll be more efficient if you, they're like, girl, if you don't do that work. You, you, yo, you got to go, ma'am, come over here and sign this paper and y'all gonna get up outta here. I was like, not y'all terminating me. I said, tell, I'm gonna go get some lunch. And I went to the chicken spot, but I was so confused and I'm laughing about it now, but at that time I was terrified. I was like, my business ain't making no money and I can't even hold onto a job that I was.

Speaker 2:

Great.

Speaker:

What we qualify for, like what's going on. Like it's so many ups and downs. The journey is just so, it's, it's deep, it's hard, it's tough. It's a lot of wins, a lot of losses. That felt like failure to me. I carried shame with that. Like I was embarrassed. I was like, well, do I tell my audience? Or they think I got it going on and I don't really like, and I was like, well F it. I'm finna talk about it. You know what I'm saying? Because this is just real life. This, this is just what it is. And it allowed me to start exploring, let's talk about the reality of entrepreneurship. And that just grew the business even more.'cause people was like, oh man, that's so real. You know what I'm saying? Oh

Speaker 2:

yes. Because that's what people wanna hear. Hear the honesty. Right. I think we have, I don't know how, but we've come so far from being honest and true on these platforms and I don't, I don't understand the why. Right? Because you can aspire somebody while also while inspire somebody while also being honest. Do you understand what I mean? Like, and it's actually

Speaker:

better,

Speaker 2:

and I don't know about you, but I'm just like, when it comes to life, right? I've just always had this sense. I've had a very interesting upbringing. I've always had a sense that life promise you nothing but change.

Speaker 3:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2:

So they are components of change that is going to hit you like a wave, right. Disappointment, fear, anxiousness. What the hell? What the hell Leonte, what the hell is happening? Yeah. You know what I mean? And for myself, right? Because I don't know, I've always just felt like sonika, you need to manage sonika. Because listen, I told you I'm a yapper. I listen. I was a little boss baby. Like you need to go do I, I I like, and I always my girl, she be like, and what should ika be doing? Um, you know what? Good point. Let me figure that out. Like, so that, that has always stuck with me, right? So like, how can I mind sonika? Like how can I get my emotions together? What does Sonika need to do not to be out here acting a damn fool? And also forgiving myself in situations where there is shame and'cause I'm just human like everybody else. But the difference is I don't give a damn. When I say I, you know, when people are like, I don't care, but they do really care a little bit. I genuinely don't care because I know there is nothing any one of us can do. To craft my light in a way that's going to be acceptable for everybody. Facts. Yeah. So why in the name of Jesus will I try to like, let it burn yellow over here, burn red over here, but listen, I saw it go, this is who I am. And it's either you take it or you leave it. You take, you know, you see the gems in it or you don't, but, and that's okay. Right? I think part of that journey to entrepreneurship, out of entrepreneurship or maybe just interested in entrepreneurship is understanding that there's gonna be fear and shame and getting comfortable with it. You know what I mean? It's so girl. Yeah. Because, you know, we get comfortable with everything else. Mm-hmm. Yep.

Speaker:

And you know what it does too. Um, that imposter syndrome sometimes comes from truly being an imposter. Mm. Imposter syndrome sometimes comes from, well, I've got it all together on my Instagram page. So in the fact that I'm battling behind closed doors, that's not really real. So of course I can't show up like that fuels that imposter syndrome. Wow. And I remember. When I started to get very honest about, Hey, I'm brilliant, I'm dope. I'm building Conquer, but also I do Amazon Flex to meet my payroll. A lot of the weeks I also had to go back to work. It dismantles my imposter syndrome because now there's no performance required for my gift. There's no performance required for me to be able to lead. You know what I'm saying? So sometimes we suffer from imposter syndrome because we truly are being imposters.

Speaker 2:

Girl, I'm

Speaker:

blown away at how many people are afraid to be seen starting at the bottom because it looks so good from the outside. They're like, well, I can't host an event'cause I can't get an event center and I can't do this and I can't do that. I'd be like, girl, invite five people to Chili's and start doing your thing. They're like, well, I can't do that. That imposter syndrome creeping in because you an imposter, like let's just, let's just keep it 100. You don't have it. You don't have the like, and that's okay. Yeah. It's okay to be seen starting at the bottom. And once you accept that and you're honest about that, that imposter syndrome is gonna start to dismantle because the, there's no longer a performance required for you to be able to show up.

Speaker 2:

No, you girl, you preaching. But you know what I think. You hit it also on the head with that being afraid to see and trying.

Speaker 3:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2:

And I think it's all social media. A hundred percent. A hundred percent is social media. Because I can remember, listen, I'm a child in the nineties. I was not born in the nineties. I was born in eighties. Just for clarification. Yeah. But I remember seeing them with the Avon lady. My mother would know what, and you selling little bars in your back, in outta your car. You know the lady that sell plates? You know the lady who from the beauty supply will bring you a little shirt or something. Nobody asked the Tupperware parties. Listen, the Tupperware parties, we all knew these men and women in our community that was moving something on the side while they was the hairstylist, the mechanic, the corporate, the lady you always saw come on and off the train in her corporate two piece suit. But she also come in with a little paperwork for you to do. Everyone in my, and I was raised in Brooklyn, New York, everyone in my community. Was seen trying, seen, doing something, going to Bobby's, filling up barrels and sending them back. One for their family, one, one to be sold in the islands. Like I turn it IOUs, like I saw people take a little and make something and it wasn't, there was no shame involved. Yeah. If I'm honest, it was the opposite which went back. Right.

Speaker:

You're like, I rock with it. I love it. Let me call my my girl and see if she needs some,'cause she was talking to, listen

Speaker 2:

now everybody placed their orders, you this, this, it was the opposite. Mm-hmm. But I just feel like we live on two extremes. Right. If we think about the illumination, that's part of the problem. We live on two extremes. It's either you have to be seen hustling hard to be your own boss and be the boss of everything, or you gotta earn your right to exist. Yep. Like, whoa. Can we, can we just do a little sweep that a little bit both, right? Can we do a little balancing situation? Why is it like that? And I think part of these conversations is what helps us find that through line, that light between where we are now and where we wanna be tomorrow. Because it doesn't have to be this 180 overhaul. Like, I, I just don't, I don't get that. Like I don't, I don't subscribe. Unsubscribe me un. Mm-hmm.

Speaker:

I always give this example sonika of like, let's say if you start in a credit repair business, the first thing that we see people do, they say, I'm gonna get my photo shoot. You know what I'm saying? I'm about to cross my arms. So lemme order my blazer for a facia nova. Let me talk about being a credit balls, blah, blah, blah. Ain't mad at you, but let's talk about a woman who said, Hey, I fixed my husband credit my daddy, credit my coworker credit and my credit. And all four of us, well, we're 700 now, so now I'm looking for 10 more people who wanna see if this works for them too.

Speaker 2:

Aw, yes.

Speaker:

That dismantles all of that performance, it dismantles that. I've gotta lip this, imposter it because it's like, Hey, this is what I've done. This is, and, and people are more likely to be, Hey, sign me up now. You, you, you say you fixed your daddy credit. You know, like it, I just, I love to see women embracing, like the reality of their journey. I ain't mad at a little one too. I ain't mad at, you know, like I'm not mad at it. But if you're battling that in imposter syndrome, like I truly encourage you to like, conquer the reality of who you are. You gonna be blown away at how better it feels for yourself. Like, like when you look at yourself, you gonna like yourself so much more. You gonna trust yourself so much more too. And you'll notice that people be able to trust you so much better too, because it's real. And we can see it. You, I mean, we can, we can, we think people can't see it, but they can see it. We see it all the time. We be like,

Speaker 2:

Hmm. Like girl, not, no, I girl, I hear you. And sometimes the thing you need to conquer is your family. I think we, we need to stop thinking that the next thing for you to do has something to do with money.

Speaker:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Right. That's real. Maybe it's conquering the relationships in your life that's real. Maybe

Speaker:

it's

Speaker 2:

conquering your family dynamic. Maybe it's conquering your health

Speaker:

that's real.

Speaker 2:

Like, I just think it's so, like, again, living on two extremes, I think we just, we've gotten so good at deflecting. A way towards the thing that people are praising at this time, right? Yeah. Like before, it was like, oh, everybody, if you ain't, you X amount of age, you ain't got no kids. You ain't nothing. So, you know what? I'm not going to take care of the fact that Mr. Say I'm an adult with a learning disability, or I need to upskill because the world is changing. AI is changing the way I do my work. I need to take time away from, instead of just watching Netflix, getting on a website, learning something, we, we run away from these things that we're uncomfortable with. They're like, you know what? I'm gonna have a baby. Yeah, I'm a, everybody's talking about babies. I'm having a baby. Everybody talking about having a business, I'm having a baby. I do

Speaker:

it right.

Speaker 2:

Everybody talking about buying a house, I'm gonna be like, I'm on a house, hun. Like, it's just like l let's be honest and conquer your own life. Craft your

Speaker:

own. That's so good. Oh, I always talk about, you know how we talk about self-love? I talk about self-like, like it's different when you, when you in love with a man, you know, and when you like him, when you like, you like, oh, I like you because when you like somebody, you like the way they walk, you like the way they talk, you like the way they eat, you like the way they dress. So I always talk about liking yourself, like really liking you and treating yourself like your own best friend. Like if I called you and I was like, girl, I don't know what I'm gonna do, you'll be like, damn, you got it friend. Like, I know you take a day off and you like, you would give me so much grace. You would hype me up. You would say, well friend, let's go get something to word and let, like, liking yourself and treating yourself like a best your, your own best friend. You really developed so much self trust. And so I say self-love, but I'm gonna say self-like,

Speaker 3:

yeah.

Speaker:

And you'll find yourself this, this is me talking about my own story, not finding identity and all of the things.'cause you're like, well, I like myself today. I'm finna go to the park and sit there and eat a McDouble. I mean, I don't know, like just live, you know? Right. And

Speaker 2:

grace.

Speaker:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

And giving yourself grace. I feel like that's, for me, that's my own story. Like I, it took a long time for me to give myself grace.

Speaker 3:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Being the oldest girl in my family, and also like my family dynamic, I've always felt like I had to get it done. Like that's why I have a very get it done mentality. Like we can talk about ideas all day, but after two hours I'm like, so how are we executing? Yeah. What are we doing? What are we doing? Like, you know what I mean? But giving yourself grace to know what you know today. Who you are today to then be better tomorrow? I think, I just think we don't give ourselves a lot of grace. I just think we see shiny things out in the world and we just, we take pieces of situations and it's easy to be our own worst enemy.

Speaker:

Oh girl, tell me about it and,

Speaker 2:

oh God. And I feel like if I said this to someone the other day in a workshop that I was leading, that the majority of Americans are visual learners, which is odd because so many people. We're taught in systems with a lot of words, like a lot of actual printed words, like, you know, college, everything was like, read this 10 page book. Right? Right. But a lot of people are actual visual learners. And I was like, ideally it would be great if we had like this running fire that represented ourself.

Speaker 3:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2:

And every time we treated ourselves shitty. That's probably why I like movies.'cause you could see things that every time we treated ourselves in a way that didn't align with who we are and who we know we could be. You just slowly see that light turning black,

Speaker:

Ooh child. But

Speaker 2:

it would check. You

Speaker:

would, it would check you quick.

Speaker 2:

It would check you quick. You would never, like, I would never be on the phone with one of my good friends and be like, girl, you fucking up. Unless you fucking up. But I'm gonna do it with heart. I'm gonna do it with so much love. I'm gonna be like, girl, you know, with shit, things happen, but I'm gonna need you to get it together. Like, you know, I would do it with so much love. But there are moments that if we're honest with ourself, we let our own lights go black and gray,

Speaker 3:

but

Speaker 2:

we like, ugh, girl, you know, you should have did X, Y, and Z. You out here wasting money and I'm speaking for my own self because I'm, I'm a dreamer. It, it is like, I, when I tell you I, I conflict with myself, like that's real. Listen, I conflict with myself where I'm just like, Ooh, I know this. For certain God told me this is gonna happen. I'm gonna do this, this. And I'm also like, I like to put my hands in my, like I need to know how it works and all the things. Then I look up and I'm like, oh shit. I done spend, I need subscriptions and my, and this solution and. Double back, double back. And I've now gotten better of being like, okay, Sika, you wasted a substantial amount of money. How do we take what we take from that and end it today? Like, call the people up, cut that subscription, cut that subscription. You don't need to be learning that solution. Cut that and how do we make it better today? Like that part of, like, again, that's why I know that's something Tamika's constantly give yourself Grace girl, you, you know, you, you know, you as an ego mind to use it.'cause the'cause often what I have found the same things and I'm speaking for myself. The same things that make us great is the same things that be fucking up.

Speaker:

That's true. That's real. I know what

Speaker 2:

it is for me. Mm-hmm. But we only look at it. In the negative, right? We only look like, dang, this is turning my light gray. Get it together, shut it down. No more exploring and growing, and you wanna learn about that. Like no more shut it down. But it's not shutting it down. It's learning. Learning how to harness that light, how to make it go red, how to make it come yellow. How to like, you know what I mean? And, and if we don't give ourselves the opportunity to do that, then how can you conquer anything? Yeah. And at some point we have to say that we're picking distraction. We're we're picking to deflect. Because if, I don't know for you, but for me, I'm like, if my mind and my heart is a mess, I ain't good for nobody.

Speaker:

Facts. I know I ain't

Speaker 2:

listen. And if my house is a mess, I'm not good for nobody. It's a

Speaker:

reflection of what's going on in my head for real.

Speaker 2:

So it's just like, find the thing that you know, you need to invest in, in this season of your life. And give yourself the opportunity to pour into it. And sometimes there is no money attached to that.

Speaker 3:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Like I just, I just feel like we've come, we've become a culture that is so fixated on finance that we forget that it is something that's supposed to sustain us, not drive us.

Speaker 3:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2:

Like, you know, it's just like, well, yeah, I could bring my kid to basketball practice, but then I could also be selling my CDs up if you don't take that baby to basketball practice facts

Speaker:

or start going for a walk, you know, just around the neighborhood. That was me. I was like, why am I go on walks more often? This is awesome. This is, I'm looking good. Feeling like, just like you said, finding value in stuff with, we love that green, that green is good. We get it. But the holistic approach of like finding value in other stuff, finding peace and happiness in other stuff, it just, I feel like it'll make me, makes me more well-rounded for sure.

Speaker 2:

Yes. And what. What does illumination mean to you? Right. I think we have been so accustomed to someone telling us what happiness means. Yeah. Telling us what success means. But like if everyone listening and we sit back and we say, what makes Sonika illuminate? Like what makes me come alive? Yeah. I can answer those questions. I love talking to people. I like the, that's, to me, one of the downsides of entrepreneurship. The loneliness. Yeah. Like, no, I'm not that person. I'm not, I like great minds. I want, I wanna be around great minds. I don't want No. Yes men. I want somebody to be like, nah, Ika, I was I, but let me show you how to make it better. Like, you know what I mean? You harm me. But you have to know. But you have to know that, like, I sat back and I'm like, sneak, what do you enjoy? What do you not enjoy? What illuminates your light? And what diminishes your light? And sometimes we're just too, like you said, too afraid to see, to be seen trying. Too fearful of what? What will come with that fear? Like fear is, I don't know. I feel like fear at this point is oxygen in this day and age. So at this point we just, we should just get comfortable with it. You know? Make it like a eyeshadow or something.

Speaker:

Yeah. And a little bit of fear is healthy'cause that mean you're doing something, but it's also some irrational stuff. And when I had my event this weekend, you know what we talked about? One of the ladies talked about having a fear and she said, I don't necessarily have a fear that it won't work. She said, I have a fear that when I do it, it will work and I can't handle it. And girl, that just spiraled a whole nother conversation. I

Speaker 2:

said, Deb, you cooking with grease right now? Because that reminds me of the conversation. A friend of mine, newly friend of mine, said to me. Because, you know, there's always this conversation about why I'm not speaking more, why I'm not doing more in like that space. Right. And I just was giving her my answers. Like, you know,'cause I do like putting my hands on things. I like being a part of a team. I like delivering massive solutions. Right. And she was like, honestly sneak, I think you're just afraid of being successful.

Speaker 3:

Mm.

Speaker 2:

And I was like, what do you even mean? And I also like, you know, I'm a Leo. I took it. I was like, girl about that. Like, you know, I was, but she was like, no. I think, you know, if you get on tv, if people start seeing you for real, for real, you know, it's up from there. And I think you are afraid of what that means. I was like, it definitely, I thought about it all weekend. I'm not even gonna lie. It, it had me crackled.

Speaker:

It triggered something inside of you. It definitely

Speaker 2:

did because I was like, and so, and I was, and I told her, I was like, if I'm honest. In some way You are right. Yeah. It's real. Which is weird, right? Yes.'cause again, I'm a certified yapper, and I'm Malia like, you know, I'm always like, I aint no puck, but in some way I to it ma it forced me to kind of go through the why. What would, what, what would be the fear of that? Right? And I went down this whole rabbit hole and it all came, honestly, it all came down to safety of my daughters. Like, you know what I mean? Like, I always want my, my goals to inspire them never to be a burden on them. So like, it really, after I did my, you know, I was journaling'cause I really like, Hmm. And that's another thing, like having people around you that's going chin check you mm-hmm. That's gonna say you are, what you're thriving for right now is cool. It's, it's okay, but let's be for real.

Speaker:

Yeah. Yeah. Girl. Oh, that mirror something serious. Yeah. Somebody holding up a mirror to you is something serious. And when you're. Like you and you're, you receive it or you're triggered by, and when I say triggered, not in a bad way, but just like, Ooh, that hit me in my belly a little bit. Like what's that about? I'll get on my chat GBT and say, this happened. Please break this down for me. Like chat GBT. Please help me right now'cause I'm spiraling okay. And I need to call the lady. Please help me. Yeah. You

Speaker 2:

know that's so funny because I'm like, that is not what you're supposed to use at chat

Speaker:

g. Baby chat GT know all my business. Please do not hack into my chat g Bt you gonna all my business. Okay. You gonna be able to write a documentary and be like, miss Girl, it's crazy. Oh

Speaker 2:

gosh. This reminds you, this is just like a conversation I was having with someone at an AI conference that I went to a few weeks ago about people using chat with GPT as like a partner. Friend counsel kind of thing, which I understand in, in a vague way. I understand the why much at GPT is not like that girl. My at GPT is like, this is fucking nerd. It is always got me researching shit. Finding out site. Cite your, cite that information. I need to see. I need three like much at GPT is sick of me. You hear me? Like they, every time I go in there with like a regular make this copy feel good, they be like, oh, finally something normal. Weird ass. Like I know that's how my chatt

Speaker:

they up over here wearing me out. She needs to go take a nap.

Speaker 2:

But I also feel like the desire to prompt an AI tool to give you a response to me says you should be journaling.

Speaker 3:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2:

Yep. You know it like you should be journaling. That's what it is. Yep.'cause in any way, shape or form, Chad g BT is going to give you a. Essentially what Google would

Speaker:

Yep.

Speaker 2:

Its commonly responses for your area. Yeah. Like, so, you know what I mean? It's not, it's

Speaker:

like a version of reflective journaling. To me, that's all it, what it is you're releasing, you're trying to process, you're trying to dig it to yourself. But it,

Speaker 2:

but the difference is with Chad GBT and that's why I, I advise against using child GBT as a council is one, all the energy we killing people. Right. Right. That's one. Two, you are not, you are not getting as deep as you need to. You're getting as deep as it's redirecting you.

Speaker:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

And you don't realize,'cause you, you keep going back and forth. You in a conversation. You and GBT is like going back, but you don't even realize that you started with a man. This comment hit me deep. What about me being successful would make me fearful while in a journal? That question, you would write it as you're writing it, you're reading it, and you would initially, your, like, your brain's next response is to answer it independently. So it's like you literal that's start playing tennis match with yourself independently. If you are actually writing it on pen and paper versus if you, when you do it on chat GPT, you could say the same question. This question really triggered me. I don't even know, understand why I would be afraid of my success chat. GPT could say, well success means da, da da da da da. And then you are like, well maybe it's do number three. And like, do you understand? So now you think you are getting deeper and deeper in your thought. Actually, you're now in a ping ball machine. They're like, you're like, oh, maybe it is I that's good locate. Maybe it is because like, you know,'cause now that's not my, it's not my self-awareness. It's not, and that's why I'm like, I, I'm like use it. Get comfortable with ai, but know that in that sense you are not digging deeper into your why you're now in a ping ball machine trying to find where the ball is gonna drop.

Speaker:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Saying you know, it's an interesting thing and going back to the importance of like illuminating for yourself. Only you know how your fire burns. Yep. You understand what I mean? Like you from Memphis, I know y'all got that spaghetti. Y'all like, you know, you got the things that comfort you. You know the things that light up your fire little by little, you know, you're like, you know, if I ain't have a dime tomorrow, let me just get a little lunch with my husband at the park. At least it's going. You know what I mean? Or if all you could do is like, I just need to paint. Let me just go to Family Dollar'cause I ain't got it this month and I just need. To sit outside with a little cheap canvas and a little cheap thing to pour back into myself. That's you building your own fire.

Speaker:

Yep. That's good.

Speaker 2:

But it's like, how do you do that if you, if you keep trying to build fires in places that, and not for you. Mm-hmm. You understand what I mean? It's a weird thing. It's like it becomes artificial flames. Yeah. And don't nobody like those pre-lit candles. They weird. Like, have you seen one of those little candle light in the middle

Speaker:

like, yeah. Look like, yeah. Stop. That's real. Yeah. That's good. Because we do like, we have our, sometimes just take a little time to uncover. Sometimes it takes us, I know for me like. Like you said, I be needing a little quiet time. I know if I sit at this computer and I can't think, I'm like, okay, that's your cue. You need to go take a second. You need to go take a little breath. You need to go over your best friend house, sit back, have a little wine and talk. Like, just kind of center yourself again. So that's good. It really is.

Speaker 2:

And, and just knowing that it all stems from you.

Speaker:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Like we keep thinking, like, I know for me like going through a lot of these like founder accelerator programs and things like that. Mm-hmm. Learn meeting other business owners and their aspirations for their goals and you know, it's a good, these programs are really good and depending on which ones you go to, you get a lot of key skills. But something that I've found is a lot of people put everything into what they're building. It's just like, this is who I am. And I interviewed a, um, a founder earlier in the season and she dropped me this gem. And I feel like it has come back season after season conversation after conversation around you are the idea, you the individual are the generator of the idea. So you don't have to hold any business entity essentially at its neck. You don't have to stifle it to success because the same way you came up with Mama's Kitchen, you going to come up with Mama's Pantry, you gonna come up with Mama's Backyard? Like it's because what is for you is for you, you know, in Jamaica to say like, what, what the feel can I unfi, can I miss? Yes. And

Speaker:

nobody can take it. Nothing can take it

Speaker 2:

seriously. And you can't, I feel like this is, this is like, to me the, the paradigm, right? You can't miss your own blessings, but you can run away from it. Mm. That's good. You know, and for me, I have, that's something that I've been kind of saying to myself in this season. Like, you can miss your own blessing, but you can most definitely be the one running from it. Good. I, because of fear, right? Like there are all of these things. You could definitely be the one thinking you are running to a place of comfort when you are blessing over here. You

Speaker:

like,

Speaker 2:

no, no, no, no.

Speaker:

That's real. Mm mm Girl. To whom much is given?

Speaker 2:

Uh.

Speaker:

Hmm.

Speaker 2:

But it's, it's difficult and that's why I think organizations like yours, the Conquer Club, that help women find how they illuminate in the world is so important. So I know you just had your event last week.

Speaker 3:

Yes.

Speaker 2:

Yes. Tell me about the concept for the event and how it went and how our audience can continue to support.

Speaker:

Yes. So we have our signature networking event, which is Conquering Cocktails, which is this really unique combination of networking and Girls Night Out. I love networking. I love because when you network, you can talk about your business all night and ain't nobody gonna look at you crazy. You can't go their girl night out and be talking about your business. They gonna be like, girl, somebody bring her a shot. It let her chill out. Right? But, and I don't necessarily wanna be standing it on couches either, you know what I'm saying? So with conquering cocktails, it is for women who have their own business, but they want to meet other ladies. They want to talk about what they're conquering and what they have going on. And we play our signature game, conquer our Cocktails, which is a little like truth or dare, but not really. So if I say conquer our cocktails and you say conquer, I might ask you, what are you struggling with through your business that nobody knows about? Or, you know, just questions to get us talking about business and, and help us not feel so lonely. But if you say cocktails, I might ask you, well, tell me how you feel about a man making less money than you. You know? So, oh no, the tea. We get into it. We get into it. So we have a really cool combination of conversations about things us women really enjoy talking about, but we also redirect it back to business. So we've hosted conquering cocktails in Dallas and Memphis and Atlanta and Chicago and in New Orleans. Um, so hopefully, well, we'll be, we do a lot of them here in Dallas'cause that's where I live. But we'll be going back to Memphis again soon, which Memphis conquering cocktail is always our biggest one because that's home for me. So that's the concept of the event. I love them so much because it's my perfect night out. Seriously. So what do you think about it?

Speaker 2:

I love that. I think it's so exciting. First of all, girl, I was like, when you going to Houston, like Afro Tech is coming up, why you not doing a popup for the Afro Tech? Like, we gonna be over there. Do why you not doing Houston? And um, hello New York.

Speaker:

I know. I was like, I gotta look at where I'm expanding my audiences too, because I wanna come to New York so bad. I've never been to New York.

Speaker 2:

Ooh. Well if you first come for conquering cocktails, you gonna need a two week stay.'cause it's, yeah, it's a lot to take on. I'm just saying now, I, I was raised in Brooklyn, New York. I'm always, it's always interesting to me that, not that people haven't been to New York, but how different New York is, right? Mm-hmm. Because I'm, I haven't been to Dallas, I've been to Austin, I've been to Houston. Now I'm going back for Afro Tech, but I've only when, oh wait. I've also been to San Antonio. I lived in Texas for almost a year. Girl, that's a whole nother story for a whole nother time. Yeah. But when I tell you it sent me roaring back to New York, like I was like, keep the stuff, I just got to go you out. I was like, do I need to walk back? Is what I, it's just so it every time. Texas is the only place I've ever actually lived, but stayed for a long time. Um, but it just always surprised me how different New York is to other major cities because both good and bad, not, I always feel like I'm not gonna glamorize New York for, so yes, it's expensive and I personally don't like this. Growth of don't give a don't care feeling. That's happening in New York.'cause I was raised in Brooklyn where you know, if an incident happened or something, like somebody was yelling at somebody down the street, everybody was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What's going on? Calm down. Calm down. They don't gotta go like this. But nowadays, girl, all types of things could be happening in New York. Looking and just walking by, like, I don't know my business. I don't like that. I'm not a fan of that culture. I feel

Speaker 3:

you.

Speaker 2:

Like I'm not a fan of that culture. But other than that, it's just such a melting pot that the energy is different in New York because everyone is so different. You can look the same and still be very different. Mm-hmm. And everyone is, I just feel like in New York, everyone's more open to learning about each other as human beings like, yeah. Because this is New York, other than like, I think in LA where LA or another melting pot, like the who's who of the town. Yep. In New York, you could be a millionaire and be walking down the street and they just wanna know what's your favorite latte? Do you like, do you, do you do double? Do you do almond milk? Like, you know, in New York we, we don't really care about all of. So that's the part where I'm just like, yeah, you definitely girl.

Speaker:

Bring, we gotta get conquering cocktails up there.

Speaker 2:

Bring it on over,

Speaker:

bring it on over. I'm looking to grow it so much. I love it. It it, we have so, so, so much fun. We always have somebody gotta cry somebody, everybody gonna be laughing. But it is just, it is just a night of just, I, I think ultimately what I'm doing is creating spaces for women to feel seen for their stories, seen for their opinions, seen for their ideas. And it's a safe space to brag on yourself. Like you may not be able to brag on yourself in some of your everyday circles, you know, to be honest. But here girl, tell us about everything you got going on. Tell us about, you know, like, we wanna hear it and we celebrate. Hey, you wanna

Speaker 2:

know? No, I agree. I agree. I think that's amazing. And you also have a podcast. Yes. So tell us what happens every week on the pod.

Speaker:

So we do, um, conquer conversations. We do the Wake Up and Conquer show and I just wanna create a space where people who are waking up conquer nephew of being seen. We talk about the reality of entrepreneurship, working a job, um, content strategy. Uh, we network, we do, we do a little random talk here and there, but it is just a space to just kind of dismantle some of that loneliness We may feel just day to day you may be looking online and think, well, dang, Deb, look like she got all together and I'm over here. I don't even know what the post, you know. So it's just a space for us to just gather and me to just dismantle that loneliness that we feel throughout the week.

Speaker 2:

I love that. Thank you so much, Deb, this conversation. Amazing. Amazing. Thank

Speaker:

you. Yeah, same here. Same. Listen.

Speaker 2:

And when I told, I knew Illuminate would be the right word because we could talk about conquer, we could talk about women, but I think at the root of what you do is harnessing that light that we all have inside of us. Right? And that's all what your community is about, right? Identifying that there is a light that needs to be illuminated.

Speaker:

Yes.

Speaker 2:

So this has been an amazing conversation. I just wanna thank you again for being here and tell the people how they can stick following you and doing all things.

Speaker:

Absolutely. So you can find us everywhere at Conquer with Deb, that C-O-N-Q-U-E-R. If this conversation resonates with you, if you wanna come to the events, you wanna come to the Conquer Club, you just DM us the word conquer and somebody's gonna immediately follow up with you. Make sure you feel welcome, make sure you feel acquainted. You can come get a complimentary call to see if you really like the Conquer Club. And if you're in Dallas, we host conquering cocktails all the time. So we would love to meet you, friend. You come out and have a little girl time with us. It's a fantastic time.

Speaker 2:

Little cocktail and little.

Speaker:

I love a little cocktail. I love a little girl talk. I love a little bit. I love it all. So I was like, well, we just going to do this.

Speaker 2:

So a time will be had. Thank you so much Deb. And this is how do you Divine Illuminate?