DESIGNED: What If You Never Chose Who You Are?

Most of us never chose the life we're living. We absorbed it.

Season 4 of How Do You Divine? opens with the word DESIGNED. Not designed as in planned, mapped out, rigid. Designed as in responsive. Intention and flexibility at the same time.

In this episode I get honest about my own drift. Season 3 grew. My interviewing got sharper. The systems got better. More stories went out into the world. And somewhere in that growth I lost the heart of the show. Technically better. Soulfully thin. That was the drift.

So we look at how drifting actually happens. Not as a dramatic wrong turn. The slow kind. In work. In motherhood. In the relationships where we stay present physically and quietly moonwalk out emotionally.

This week's Divine Assignment: find one area where you've been drifting. Write it down. Pen to paper, not your phone. Then review it before you design what that version should look like.

Thank you for listening and for adding new dimensions to your definitions. Keep growing, keep exploring, and keep defining life on your terms.

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Meet the founder and host
Sanika is a founder, inventor, and strategist building at the intersection of culture, media, and technology. How Do You Divine?® is the anchor of HDV Media, a company built on one idea. The words we inherit quietly design the lives we lead.

Every episode takes one word and examines it through culture, intellect, emotion, and lived experience. Definitions that were handed to you. Definitions you adopted. Definitions you assumed were just normal.

New episode every Sunday.

Transcript

Speaker 0:00

Somewhere in that growth, I felt like I lost the heart of the show. So while technically it was better in terms of my systems and processes and getting different stories out into the world, soulfully it felt a little thin.

Speaker 2 0:15

Curiosity and comfort is in a constant battle

Speaker 0:18

of who you are and where you wanna be. Exploring the definitions that was handed to us and the ones we've adopted. Hi, my name is Sanika, and welcome to How Do You Divine?, where we explore the definitions that have defined our life one word at a time. And on this journey, we, yes, you and I, collaborate at the intersection of culture, intellect, and spirituality. Welcome to How Do You Divine? I'm your host, Sanika, and this is season four. Season four, we take things slow. We go one word per episode, turning it over slowly using etymology, culture, emotion, and most importantly, lived experience. Here's something I noticed. Life can just drift. We don't catch it when it starts slipping or when we're deep in our routines, 'cause I love me a routine now. It happens subtly. It's just what I have to do, you know? Kinda like go along to get along. And then we pick it up along the way from the people who raised us, the places that shaped us, the fears that, let's be honest, we've become comfortable running from. I see it over there, I'ma just back out. And then one day we are just out the way. This season I wanna focus on the drift. What if the parts that feel most like you are the parts you didn't even choose? It just happened. We never kicked it back and asked why. Season four is an authentic audit, not self-help, not just inspiration, more like self-examination. I wanna be clear about what this is and what it isn't, 'cause if I'm honest, we drifted. We're going to look at the drift and how we set our focus on the design, designing the life we desire and deserve every week. Again, we gonna take it one word at a time, and we don't just define the word. We hold it up to the light. We take it apart. We ask where it came from, who handed me this, and do I even like this definition that I'm walking every day? The goal is to see clearly, then to decide what is the design, then to move, then to own it. Designed isn't planned or rigid. It's responsive. It holds intention and flexibility at once. What's the definition between design and control in your life? New season, new segments how it's delivered brings us through the weight of words but the weight is never just in the word it's the breath before it it's the shoulders you leaning in where does my hands go are you looking in my eye I'll deliver the same words in three different tones and the same words become three different truths tone and body don't take turns when we communicate they walk together hand in hand so the question was never just what you said it's how it's delivered this week our quote is it's time for a change it's time for a change it's time for a change And that's how it's delivered. Let's talk the drift and why the drift. The podcast itself has a built-in break. I always wanted to take a pause to evaluate what I've put out, how it went from sitting on this couch having this conversation to you, to edited, modified, and out in the world. And is the process also serving the intention that I wanted when I sat here? And that's the interesting thing about entrepreneurship and being a creative and, and putting together a body of work because the idea is so very clear in my mind, the community, the connection, the ability to say, "That definition does, actually doesn't resonate with me," which is what I like. You don't need to agree with everything I say. The goal is to ask the question of, is this definition aligned with the life that you are designing for yourself? And is that life aligned with your spirituality, who and how you wanna show up in the world? So let's talk about the drift. The podcast drifted. Season three, it gained legs. I learned so much about, my interviewing skills got sharp. I grew so much as an interviewer, but somewhere in that growth, I felt like I lost the heart of the show. So while technically it was better in terms of my systems and processes and getting different stories out into the world, soulfully it felt a little thin, and that to me was the drift. While my goal was very clear on what I wanted to bring to the world, and I wanted to amplify these stories of who these people are and how they have overcome their own challenges and redefined words in their life to meet different milestones of success and admiration, not only for themselves, but the, the people that they love. It was a slight switch of drifting where each and every episode started to feel like its own island. We were no longer part of the heart of the show. So that's, I feel like what drifting feels like. Well, for me, when I took a step back of the podcast and I just viewed what I created last season, so I knew very clearly what I wanted to create this season. And last season we shared so many great stories, and this season I want it to be more personal. So there's gonna be a lot more conversations of just you and I talking about how we got here, how I got here, and why I feel like this show is meant to connect culture, to connect people, to help women understand that we can change today, tomorrow, even in an hour if we feel like it By redefining the definitions that we were given. Redefining the definitions you gave yourself, if I'm honest. And why not? Because the shift doesn't happen drastically. Drifting doesn't necessarily come from failure. It's not a dramatic wrong turn. It becomes something that doesn't align, like it missed a mark. And if I'm honest, that's how I felt about season three. While we were able to produce and put out so many amazing stories, I definitely feel like I missed the mark a bit. So this season is all about a life designed, not drifted. Coming straight from my heart 'cause the show d- drifted and there's been so many different season in my life where I've drifted because of what that season required of me as a mom, as a professional, as a wife, as a human being. It gets harder over time, but then we slowly get back to the point of where we need to be. We drift the same way in relationships, if we gonna keep it honest. With the people we love, we don't leave. We don't just stop choosing them on purpose or no longer being present in a room. We are present physically, but mentally and emotionally we start to moonwalk up out of there. So this season, I wanna focus on that drift. Every single episode, we're going to talk about the words that help us stay present and reinforce presence as a form of our routines, reinforcing this designed ability to be able to say, "Hmm, this week I'm shifting. I'm shifting away from the goals I set for myself. I'm shifting away from who I said I would turn up and be for myself before I can show up and be something for someone else. Where am I drifting?" And the thing I love most about this season's theme is we are designing without this sense of rigor and it must get done, and you are essentially creating this hard, rigid sense of who you are and what you should be in order to, quote-unquote, "find happiness" or be fulfilled in your life. That's not what I'm saying. This season is about acknowledging the fact that we drift. We drift in how we show up every day because we're human. Drifting is a natural Progression of life. It happens with time. Some things are routines and some things drift towards. But I wanna be able to say, "If I am drifting, how well am I designing?" And then having the ability to design in a way that aligns with who I wanna show up as So while I do that, we gonna do that together. I have designed this season of my life very intentionally in a way that allows for me to be available to do podcasts while my oldest daughter is graduating high school. Yes. I keep saying it out loud and sharing it with the world because I think it's crazy. I was there the whole time since birthing her. How dare she get this old so fast? But as we go through this milestone, I ask myself, what have we as her parents, my husband and I, designed for her in this phase in her life so that she can maximize the last days of high school, we can prepare as a household for the shift that's going to come, that is quite literally here. And while I'm so proud of her and so excited, it's a shift. It's a shift in how the dynamic in our home, it's the shift in the dynamic with her relationship with her sister, and as our oldest daughter, we are all going through this for the first time together. And I'm proud of what we've done, but I also take a step back and ask myself, what have we designed to ensure that this season, these last few months of high school as we prepare for college, how are we not only designing for efficiency and productivity, but designing for memories? I'm all about a good experience, so when I think of design, I'm thinking about how I'm designing my life in all areas of my life, as a mom, as a wife, as a professional, as an entrepreneur, as well as a creator. So I am sharing that personally, I'm designing this season to give me enough room to breathe, enough room for me to take a step away, to be creative, to become the full version of Sanika when Sanika is president here and I'm doing this thing. But there are moments that I design specifically where I can show up as a mom to both my girls, and I'm rooting and I'm hollering and I'm supporting them, and also encouraging them through this season of their lives. But if I'm honest, there are also moments where I drift, showing up for one child and not the other, more than one, not the other. And that's the beauty of this, and I feel like I keep saying it because I want it to resonate in the way I outlined. As women, we drift because we want to get things done for everyone around us. We want to ensure that everyone is healthy, happy, and whole. But sometimes showing up for everyone else means we're not showing up enough for ourselves. So when I ask the question, what do you have designed in your life? I want us to start the audit on episode one. What is designed today that's working for you today? Where are you drifting in your skills as a human being? I'm a huge advocate of forever learning, chasing that curiosity in you. Oftentimes we say we don't have the time. We have the time. We have the time. When we not scrolling or running from one place to another, we can find time to do this audit, everything that's designed well for you today, that you love. And right next to them, on the other side of that paper, let's keep it honest. Let's talk about the areas in where your life is drifting We all have habits. Some good, just some not so good. Every week, I'm gonna tell y'all a little bit of my business. A helpful habit, and let's just say a harmful one. Not killing people, that's dramatic, but a habit that's limiting my progress of some of my goals. Back in the days, Sunday was meant for church, eating, and chilling. Now, as my kids have gotten older, my husband's schedule is more busy, Sundays are actually the days I design. I cook, I prep food for the week, I make sure everyone's clothes is together, but I only do that up until 3:00. At 3:00 PM, wherever I am, whatever I'm doing, the design has to end because I feel like we don't need to deserve rest, we design rest into the plan. Okay? So at 3:00, I'm done. What was accomplished, what was... is accomplished and what wasn't, gotta wait for in a week. When we talk about helpful habits, I wanna also implement this throughout the season, this compounding effect. Okay? I know they like, "Girl, you talking, you talking stocks right now? Compound interest?" No, I'm not talking compound interest. I'm talking compounding effects of implementing good habits, and I feel like everyone's read the book Atomic Habits, heard all the feedback, but it's all about incremental progress over time. So this segment is birthed somewhat around that concept. I'm gonna give you a helpful habit, and I'm gonna give you a harmful habit, and my helpful habit is preparing for the week every single weekend. And Sunday inside is really just setting up the system for the week. It has the ability to breathe throughout the week, so I'm not like, "Oh, these are the clothes everyone's wearing from Monday to Friday." That's not it. We do laundry, we iron all the things that need to be ironed, we create the outfits, they're all in the closet. No one's thinking about, "What am I gonna wear on Tuesday?" 'Cause guess what? There's three options for Tuesday in the closet. Same thing for food. No one's thinking about, "Oh my gosh, what am I gonna have for lunch or dinner on Tu-" Well, really dinner. Listen, I have teenagers. Lunch, that's all on y'all. Y'all can figure that out. Y'all see there's food in the pantry. Figure it out. But dinner, no one has to worry about that because we all have it set. So that's my hell of a habit that is helpful this week. So back into telling y'all my business, let's, um, let's get into my harmful habit. The habit that, let's just say is harmful, is treating busyness as proof of progress. Yeah, I said it. Being busy and actually progressing in a goal is not the same thing. Having a full calendar is not productive. Busy is not something that you should design in life, and I'm telling you because I learned the hard way. It is not what it all chalks up to be. So my harmful habit was to make every hour in the day work for me. You don't wanna see my calendar. It was like color, color, color, block, color, color, color, block. And what I've learned is sometimes moving my mind through different task that frequently isn't as productive as you think it is. If I am able to carve out, let's just say two hours to focus on something, and then an hour to focus on something else that are in the same theme, the same skill, it's like a read and comprehend versus comprehend and practice. That is productive. Let's stick to, let's stick to the segment structure, which is bare my business and telling y'all the mistakes that I made and these bad habits. So my bad habit is treating busyness like it's productive. I don't wanna say, quote unquote, "be busy," where now time is blocked out for the outcome. So an example of like what I mean by just, like, being busy, I would block like three hours to work on something with my AI, like, I have tons of things that I'm building that aren't necessarily ready to be announced, but I would block out time to do research, three hours. But I would also then block out two hours to build said thing that I'm researching, or, you know, a POC or a demo, or... I like to put my hands on the thing. I like to build. I like to dive into anything I'm really interested into. While that is good on one hand, it actually could be a huge time sucker. Y- I will say, "Ooh, this tool might work for the podcast," or, "This tool might work for some other ventures that I'm working on." And then, baby, two hours later, I am deep in the rabbit hole on how the tool was created. How can it be exercised? What is its capabilities? Does it have APIs? Does it have a web hook? How do I... I can- I get real nerdy and crazy, and then you gotta pull yourself back in because, again, that is honestly a whole of being busy because two and a half hours later, while I've learned and played a lot, there was no outcomes. I didn't, I didn't execute. I know for myself that sometimes I need to cap my own curiosity and interest and get shit done. Execute. And that is this week's hell of a habit Every week, I leave you with a little something to work on because this isn't just good vibes and conversation, this is a divine assignment. And this week, find one area where you've been drifting. Write it down. Then review it before you start to design what that version should look like. We've gotten away from writing things down, and everything is just remote and on our phones and tapping away at our fingers. But actually taking pen to paper and writing down an area in your life where you've drifted helps you evaluate, how did you even come to that drift? Ah, it feels so good to be back on the pod and talking to you one-on-one. This season is gonna be more of this. I love a good, "What you doing? What's going on with you, girl?" The only thing is when you talking to the podcast, I'm talking to y'all virtually. Y'all not talking back to me right now, so get in the comments and tell me some stuff so that we can continue to converse. But I'm so, so happy that the podcast is back with a clearer vision than I think I've ever had for this show because it started with the heart and soul of how we define our lives today and how does it align with our spirituality and how we show up in the world. That is the heart of the show. How do we share our lived experiences and definitions to bridge cultures, to bridge families, to bridge generations? And while I say we have drifted, this season we are focused on the designed because here at the podcast, we are happy to unpack, shake it up a little bit, and turn it over every single word. In this season, we taking our time. We doing it very personally. We're sitting here. We're gonna have the conversation, just you and I, unpolished as much as possible, 'cause you know I still came in, still did the studio thing, right? So we're gonna keep it as authentic as we can while keeping it as beautiful as we can. So thank you so much for taking the time to listen to How Do You Divine: Designed. I'm your host, Sanika. See you on the next one This season goes through three movements. First, we see clearly who we are in this moment and hopefully a glimpse of where we wanna be. Then we build intentionally, because we can't stumble into greatness. Thought is required. And finally, we own it. No second guessing. We move and take action. Next week, we stay in clarity, which to me, is the root of kindness, not only to ourselves, but to others. Because once you spot the drift, there's no move that comes right after. Most people actually panic. There's another way to make it through, and I don't come to that conversation alone. See you on Sunday