So. Much. Division. Let's talk about how to change that. Re-engage as neighbors, friends, co-workers and family. Let's set out to change the world. Strike that. Change A World. One person at a time, make someone's life a little better and then do it again tomorrow and the day after that, through kindness. Kindness is a Super-Power that each of us has within us. It is so powerful it has the potential to change not only your life but those around you, too. Let's talk about kindness.
AI can write a beautiful apology, a perfect condolence message, and a calm response when you’re furious. The real question is not whether artificial intelligence is “good” or “bad” it’s whether we’ll use it to become more compassionate, more thoughtful, and more connected, or whether we’ll use it to avoid the hard work of being human.
We talk through the everyday moments where AI can genuinely support kindness: helping us find words when we care but freeze, giving us a pause before we hit send on something cruel, and offering a new angle when we’re trapped in our own blind spots. We also name what can’t be automated: intention, responsibility, vulnerability, and the choice to understand someone even when we don’t agree. Along the way, we break down why language feels so personal, why “understanding” is different from agreement, and how kindness often looks like not making things worse.
Then we get honest about the risks. If AI makes kindness effortless, does it make it less meaningful? What happens when empathy can be manufactured on demand, creating the appearance of care without the reality of care? And what about loneliness and AI companionship when a bot is easier than a person who can disappoint you, need you, and ask something of you? We end with simple boundaries and a practical filter we can run before we prompt: will this help me become more human, or help me avoid being human?
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Intro music: ‘Human First’ by Mike Baker – YouTube Music: https://youtu.be/wRXqkYVarGA | Podcast: Still Here, Still Trying | Website: www.mikebakerhq.com
This is the Kindness Matters Podcast, a space for stories that inspire, challenge, and bring us a little closer together. If you've been looking for a reminder of the good in people, you're in the right place. Because kindness matters, and so do you.
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It's kindness we are.
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There is not just a little irony in the conversation we're about to have. I'm going to spend the next half hour talking about artificial intelligence. I'm going to ask whether AI helps us or hurts us, whether it brings us closer together or pushes us further apart. Whether it makes us more thoughtful, more compassionate, more connected, or whether it does the exact opposite. And I'm using artificial intelligence to help me create this episode. Yeah, I know. The irony is not lost on me. And maybe actually that's a pretty good place to start. Because I'm not here today to tell you that AI is wonderful. I'm not here today to tell you that AI is terrible. I'm still figuring some of that out myself. But I do think there's a question about artificial intelligence we don't talk about quite enough. A question that has very little to do with technology and everything to do with us. Can we use something artificial to help us become more human? And that's what I want to explore today. I'm Mike Raffman, and this is the Kindness Matters Podcast. AI. Love it, hate it, or just be confused about it. Artificial intelligence has become one of those subjects where you can barely mention it without somebody having an opinion. I totally get it. There's a lot to have an opinion about. Some people are fascinated by AI. They're excited about what it can do. They see possibilities in medicine, education, accessibility, communication, scientific research, and hundred of other areas. Other people are worried. And some of those concerns are very legitimate. People worry about AI taking their jobs. They worry about privacy, about misinformation. Some worry about deepfakes. And what happens when we can no longer be certain that what we're seeing or hearing is real? People worry about artists and writers and musicians whose work can be imitated by machines. I mean, for Pete's sake, there's already an AI-generated actress currently making a movie. They worry about children growing up with technology that can talk to them almost as easily as another person can. And then there's a really uncomfortable question. What happens when we start depending on AI for things that used to require another human being? And that is a huge question. I don't think we should brush those concerns aside. Technology doesn't make us better. A hammer can build a house, but it can also break a window. The tool isn't making the moral decision. The human, the person that's holding it, is. And maybe that's where our conversation about AI needs to begin.
Not with is AI good or is AI bad? But with what are we going to do with it? Because artificial intelligence isn't going away. So perhaps the more useful question is what kind of humans were going to be while using it. The technology that talks back. One of the strangest things about AI is that it can calculate things. Computers have been calculating things since at least the nineteen forties. What's different is that AI can talk to us. It can respond. It can explain. It can brainstorm. It can help us find words. And that changes things. Because language is personal. We don't just use words to exchange information. We use words to apologize, to encourage. We use words to comfort, to argue, to forgive, to tell somebody we love them. To tell somebody we're sorry. To tell somebody I understand. Or at least I'm trying to understand. And now we've created technology that can help us do some of those things. And that brings us to a really uncomfortable question. If I use AI to help me find the words to comfort somebody, is that kindness? Let's say a friend is going through a difficult time. I care about them. I want to reach out, but I don't know what to say. That happens a lot, right? If you're anything like me, I know that does. So I ask AI, help me write something supportive for a friend who's having a really difficult time. AI gives me some suggestions. I read them. Maybe one of those suggestions helped me find the words I couldn't find on my own. I change it, I make it personal, and I send it. Was that kindness? I think it can be, because the kindness wasn't generated by the machine. The intention came from me. The technology just helped me express it. And that's an important distinction.
The kindness of the pause. Here's another possibility. Maybe one of the most valuable things AI can do for kindness is something incredibly simple. It can give us a pause. We've all done it, right? You're angry, somebody sends you a message, you start typing. And before you know it, you're writing something that you absolutely should not send. We've all been there. You write the email, you read it, you read it again, and somewhere in the back of your mind, there's a little voice saying, Mike, don't send that, or as my wife says, put it in draft. And sometimes we send it anyway. But imagine turning to AI instead and saying, I'm really angry right now. Here's what I want to say. Can you please help me express this without making things worse? AI can help you slow down. It can show you another way of saying something. It can take the sharp edges off of a sentence. It can help you separate what you're feeling from what you actually want another person to hear. Now, does that make the machine kind? No. No. But maybe it helps you make a kinder choice. And that's significant. Because sometimes kindness isn't about the perfect response. Sometimes kindness is simply saying, I'm not going to make this worse.
AI can help us see what we don't see. There's another area where I think AI has some interesting potential. Perspective. We all have bind spots, right? Every single one of us does. We see the world through our own experiences, our own history. We see the world through our own assumptions and fears. And sometimes we don't even realize we're doing it. You could take an argument that
you've had with somebody and ask AI, okay, here's what happened, here's what I said, here's what they said, what might I be missing? That doesn't mean the machine knows what's right. It doesn't. But it might help you consider another perspective. And sometimes that's exactly what kindness requires. Not agreement, understanding. Those aren't the same thing. I don't have to agree with you to try to understand you. I don't have to see the world exactly the way you do to recognize that your experience is real. And if AI, if technology can help us develop that habit, maybe that's not such a bad thing.
But here's where it gets complicated, because there's another side to this coin, and I think we need to speak honestly about it. AI can make kindness easier. But does making kindness easier also make it less meaningful? Think about a condolence message. Someone you know loses somebody personal to them, a parent or sibling or spouse. You want to say something. You type into AI, write a compassionate message to a friend whose mother just died. And the machine produces something beautiful, something thoughtful, something sensitive.
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You copy it, paste it, send it. Done. But here's a question. Did you actually participate in the kindness?
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Maybe. Maybe not. And I don't think there's an easy answer. Because kindness takes effort. At least the kind of kindness that we talk about on this podcast does. It takes time, attention, sometimes inconvenience, sometimes vulnerability. Sometimes it costs us something. And if AI allows us to outsource all of that, what happens? If I never have to struggle to find the right words, because a machine always finds them for me, if I never have to sit with someone's pain because AI can tell me what to say, if I never have to think about how my words might affect somebody, because an algorithm can soften them, am I becoming kinder? Or I simply am I becoming more efficient at appearing kind? That's a very different thing.
The counterfeit kindness problem. And this might be one of the biggest dangers of AI when it comes to human relationships, the ability to manufacture the appearance of empathy. Think about that. A company can send an apology written by AI. A politician can have AI craft the perfect expression of concern. Someone can send you a beautifully written message that sounds incredibly compassionate, and yet they may not actually feel any of it. AI can produce the language of empathy without experiencing empathy. And we need to remember that. Because human beings are remarkably good at responding to language. If something sounds caring, we tend to assume there is caring behind it. But there might not
be. And that matters because kindness isn't just a collection of nice words. Kindness is what happens when our concern for another person changes what we do. Words matter, but actions matter more. You can tell somebody you care. Or you can show up. You can say, Let me know if you need something. Or you can actually bring dinner. You can say I'm thinking about you. Or you can pick up the phone. And sometimes the kindest thing isn't something you say at all, something you do.
What about loneliness? And then we get to perhaps the most complicated part of this whole conversation. AI companionship. There are people who talk to AI because they're lonely. And I don't want to make fun of that. I don't want to dismiss it. Loneliness is real. The Surgeon General came out a couple years ago and said it's actually an epidemic right now. And if someone is sitting alone at two in the morning and talking to an AI that gives them a little comfort, I understand why that might matter. But there's a question we have to ask What happens if artificial companionship becomes easier than human companionship? Because let's be honest, humans are hard. People misunderstand us, they interrupt, they disagree, sometimes they get distracted, they have bad days, they disappoint us. They sometimes hurt us. And sometimes we hurt them. Human relationships require work. AI doesn't have to go through all of that. It can be endlessly patient. It doesn't get tired of hearing the same story. It doesn't roll its eyes. It doesn't say Yeah, we've talked about this three times already today. And honestly, that sounds wonderful, right? But there's something missing. A human being doesn't just listen to you. A human being can need you too. A human being can be vulnerable with you. A human being can depend on you. And human relationship is reciprocal. And I think that's one of the things that we need to protect. Because human being human isn't simply about being understood. It's about belonging to one another.
What should AI help us do? So where does all of that leave us? I don't think the answer is don't use AI. I'm obviously not saying that. I'm using it right now. But maybe we need some boundaries. Some things that AI can help us do, and some things we shouldn't let it replace. Use AI to help you communicate, but don't let it replace communication. Use AI to help you understand another perspective. But don't let it replace listening to another person. Use AI to help you find the words. But make sure that the feelings behind those words are actually yours. Use AI to help you solve problems. But don't outsource your contents. And maybe most importantly, use AI as a tool. Don't use it as an excuse. Don't use it as an excuse not to make the phone call. Not to apologize, not to show up. Don't use it as an excuse not to sit with somebody who's hurting. Not to have the difficult conversation. Not to be uncomfortable, because sometimes the uncomfortable thing is exactly where kindness lives.
The kindness test. I have been thinking about a simple question we might ask ourselves whenever we're using AI, and I want to call it the kindness matters test. I thought of it, so it's that's what I want to do. So before using AI, ask, will this help me become more human? Or will it help me avoid being human? That's it. Will this help me understand somebody? Yes. Great. Will this help me communicate more clearly? Absolutely. Great. Will this help me reach somebody I otherwise couldn't reach? Yep. Wonderful. Will this help me pause before saying something cruel? Absolutely. But if I'm using AI because I don't want to think because I want to avoid feeling because I don't want to take responsibility, because I would rather not have a difficult conversation, maybe because I don't want to put in the effort required to maintain a relationship. Maybe that's a warning sign. Because technology should make some things easier, but not everything that's difficult should be made easy. Sometimes difficulty is part of the value.
The irony. And that brings me back to where we started. I'm talking about all of this while we're sitting here using AI to help me create this episode. And you know what? I'm okay with that. Because I'm not asking AI to decide what I believe about kindness. I'm not asking it to care for me. I'm not asking it to have the conversation for me. I'm using it as a tool. I'm taking in the ideas, questioning them, changing them, adding my own experiences, and hopefully turning them into something that means something to another human being. And that's the distinction I keep coming back to. The technology isn't the kindness the person using it is. AI can help us find the words, but we have to decide whether we mean them. AI can help us understand the information. But we decide whether we're willing to understand people. AI can help us communicate. But you and I have to decide whether we're willing to connect. And maybe that's the challenge in front of us. Not can artificial intelligence become more human, but Can human beings use artificial intelligence without becoming less human? I don't know exactly where artificial intelligence is going. I'm not sure anybody does, really. There will obviously be mistakes. There will be things we haven't imagined. There will be most certainly incredible breakthroughs. Some of it will be wonderful. Some of it will probably scare the hell out of us. We'll have to figure out as we go. But I do know one thing. We do. We decide whether the technology makes us more curious or more complacent. More connected or more isolated. More thoughtful or more careless. More compassionate or simply more efficient. So maybe the next time you use AI, ask yourself one little question. Not can this make my life easier. That's usually pretty obvious. Can this help me be a better human being? And if the answer is yes, use it. Use it well. Use it thoughtfully. But don't forget who's supposed to be doing the caring. Because kindness still requires a human heart. And fortunately, we've still got those. I'm Mike Rathman. Thanks for spending a little time with me today. This episode is made possible by the generous support of people like Sue Jackson, Dave Lewis, and John Teblin. I appreciate you so much for tuning in to this episode of the Kindness Matters podcast. If you found value in this episode, it would mean the world to me if you shared it with a friend or family member or co-worker or took a moment to leave a comment or review. It's one of the best ways to help others discover the show. If you'd like to support the show like Stu, John, or Dave, we have both tiered and one-time support options available on Buy MeACoffee as well as a merch shop. You'll find both links waiting for you in the show notes. And if supporting financially isn't possible right now, that's completely okay. It's tough out there right now. The most meaningful way you can support the show is by doing one small act of random kindness each day. It truly does make a difference. We'll be back again next week with a brand new episode. But until then, remember, kindness matters, and so do you.
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