Who Helped You: A Leader’s Most Powerful Question

The quickest way to change a team’s culture might be just four words: Who helped you? We dug into this deceptively simple question and uncovered how it disarms ego, turns success into a teachable process, and brings unseen contributors into the light. Instead of celebrating lone heroes, we trace the gratitude chain behind real wins, from mentors and managers to the people who polish details and keep systems stable.

We share concrete stories: closing big deals that leaned on old lessons and recent coaching, operational wins made possible by coordinators who package submissions on time, and even everyday problem-solving shaped by the skills parents and teachers planted years ago. Along the way, we talk candidly about ego—why a little confidence energizes work, and how too much blocks feedback, hides dependencies, and eventually erodes performance. By shifting the spotlight with a simple question, leaders model humility, surface the true workflow, and make recognition part of the operating system.

You’ll hear how to make this stick without fluff. Build quick prompts into weekly wins, ask presenters to name helpers and upstream influences, capture shoutouts where everyone can see them, and map the gratitude chain in project debriefs. We also unpack the dynamic between starters and finishers, and why sustainable excellence demands both vision and detail. If you want a team that learns faster, ships better, and feels seen, start asking “Who helped you?” and watch what changes.

If this resonates, follow the show, share it with a leader who needs a nudge, and leave a review with your own gratitude chain—we’ll read our favorites on a future episode.

Transcript

Banter And Last Week’s Callback

Karman 0:30

Good morning, Scott and Tammy.

Tammy 0:37

I'm sorry. That's a great way to start the morning. Good morning. I love hearing that.

Scott 0:41

Whatever.

Karman 0:43

Scott always brings it down.

Tammy 0:46

Yeah, you and I are like, ooh, and Scott's like, yeah.

Scott 0:50

Let's lower our listeners' expectations today.

Tammy 0:53

He's like, just give me some tea. Let me have some agave in it. I'll eventually get there.

Scott 1:00

Okay. Just gotta put my head down and work.

Tammy 1:05

Oh, yep. And not delegate.

Scott 1:07

And not delegate. Yep. And not get this podcast, but it's not working.

Tammy 1:12

Yeah, that's never gonna work. Sorry. It says Scott and Tammy. Leadership line with Scott and Tammy.

Karman 1:20

Well, listeners, if you did not listen to last week's podcast about delegating, that is why we're, you know, joking here about that topic. And to kind of extend it in a slightly different direction. Recently we came across an article about a leadership habit that this author thought was really important, which was to ask the question when something succeeds, to say, who helped you?

Tammy 1:51

That was an interesting article in that particular spot. Scott, what did you think about it?

Gratitude, Mentors, And Reflection

Scott 1:57

The problem is how I thought about it is, you know, nobody ever helps me. No one.

Tammy 2:03

You are so foolish.

Scott 2:05

No, no, I no, I do think it I liked it for two primary reasons. One is, you know, who do I need to thank or recognize in this place? And then who do I need to like, because I also I read that in kind of like who helped me with this thing right now? But then who in my history, I know you can't go all the way, yo, thanks, mom and dad. But this piece of you didn't get here on your own, or if Karman was the one who worked on this with me, yeah, I need to thank Karman and we should celebrate. And there's people probably before that that allowed me to grow. And there's there's this honor and kind of reflection to say, cool, that you know, the ment the mentors and people that developed you before, how do you keep them in your in your mind?

Ego’s Cost To Teams And Culture

Tammy 2:58

There's um a thing called the circle of protection that we oftentimes talk about in resiliency and kind of burnout uh conversations. How do you keep yourself healthy or how do you ensure that you will um not kind of overwhelm yourself? And that concept of the circle of protection says that you should start every day with recognizing someone in your life that made a difference. And Scott, that's really what you're talking about. It's like, you know, if you are, you know, you just closed a really, really big deal, okay? And in that process of closing that big deal, you know, you probably went through and and used some kind of technique in getting that thing done. Well, who was that person that actually helped you understand that that technique was there? Who was that person who maybe practiced that technique with you? And it could have been in a book that you read 10 years ago, it could have been a mentor that you had last year, right? Or it could have been the person standing right next to you, actually, that that that helped you in that moment. But taking that and looking back, Scott, I think that's is it's not always immediately right what happened in this situation. It could have been something from years and years and years and years ago, yeah. And knowing that each one of us really stand on the shoulders of giants, that's how we got here.

Scott 4:29

And no wonder my back hurts all the time.

Tammy 4:34

Of course, of course, Mr. Giants. It's so nice to meet you in that space. But here's the piece. How many of you like guys? I've worked with some people with big, big, big egos, right? And they kind of and and they kind of think that they're all that in a bag of chips. The fact of the matter is too much ego, a little cockiness, a little, you know, I know what I'm doing, and confidence, you know, uh the playfulness that we have. I can handle all that. Too much, it it actually can destroy an organization. It can destroy a team. I've worked in organizations consulting where we've had people inside of that organization that they might be really good at what they would do, but they were just jerks, right? I mean, jerks at work, right? That's that whole course came out of working with some really talented people who let's just face it, we're assholes. And this piece of taking a beat to recognize the shoulders that actually helped you get here, as well as the teammates that today helped you get here, it helps us to be more vulnerable, more humble, and more human. And in fact, I think we need a little bit more of that in the workplace, right? That ego causes all sorts of problems, and we see it over and over and over and over in organizations. And so, yeah, Scott, we tease about it because you and I are pretty strong personality people, and we have a little bit of ego, there's no question about that. Yeah, but it can get out of hand. Yeah.

Leaders Normalize Recognition

Scott 6:29

I I mean, I think having ego is okay. It's where and it gets out of hand, or it's so it's so big, you're unwilling to hear, or you're unwilling to look and say, Oh, yeah, I didn't do that. Like I had support along the way. Whether that was moral support or training or mentoring or or whatever that is, are you are you really that self-centered that you really have no one?

Tammy 6:59

Exactly.

Karman 7:00

No, well, the other thing that I liked about this article, but it's by Sam and Simon Sinek. And his point wasn't like, hey, you should recognize people. His point was that as a leader, you should ask people who helped you. And so I like that piece too of like as a leader, your responsibility is to normalize that we're a team and that nobody does something alone.

The Gratitude Chain In Practice

Scott 7:29

Yeah, yeah. I mean, that's a whole nother angle about this that I don't know who's right, but hey, it takes an army to accomplish whatever it is. Like the reality is we are not successful on our own, very rarely. I might be successful at a task on my own, but then I think, how did I like I had a move hay the other day? Now, I've never been formally trained on how to drive a tractor. Okay. Now, I know how to drive a car, and I have some sort of mechanical aptitude, which I think that is really because of my dad. He expected us as kids to have that, and so I look at that and I'm like, yeah, that is because now I can also thank you too. When I really need to learn something, I may go. But again, I didn't do that on my own. Now I did the task on my own, but I didn't do it on my own.

Invisible Work And Village Mindset

Personality Differences And Unseen Finishers

Tammy 8:31

So that's I I think I think the language that I've heard about this referred to is the gratitude chain. It's kind of following so this, I you know, I was able to do this because this. Oh, well, the reason I was able to do that was because the person before that. And it's like you follow it down to that spot. And it is this piece that, you know, you think about toddlers, they think that the world evolves around them when in reality is it it doesn't. And the same thing at work. Um, we could have this great success. And the fact of the matter is, is that there is a whole chain that got us there. And oftentimes we celebrate that thing that's really obvious, the person who closed the deal, the person who is able to solve that problem, you know, uh, the individual that came in and saved the day at the last minute, or whatever that thing is. And we have this thing and we celebrate that human being. But by the boss coming in and saying, Okay, we got this win, you got this win, but how'd you get here? Who helped you? What was your gratitude chain behind it? We do start to recognize that as an organization, we are not successful if every single thing in that chain isn't helping us get there. The person who, you know, makes sure that we have electricity and the lights come on when we go to work and our internet works, right? All the way to, you know, an individual who packaged that thing and made sure that it got out on time. We just uh completed an RFP. And one of the things that was really cool about that is, you know, we had input into that RFP, but we didn't have to do the writing, we didn't have to get it out, you know, and send it and all that kind of stuff. And one of the things that we did is, you know, on the day that it was due, it was like, hey, I just want y'all to know I really appreciate the fact that you I know you got that thing out today because we had nothing to do with that. Someone else packaged it, made sure it was pretty, got it out in the way so that the people who are accepting that we got it in on time and we're part of the people who are being considered. You know, there is a village. I'm gonna go back to Hillary Clinton, right? It takes a village to raise a child. There is a village in your organization that helps you be successful. And if as a boss, you're asking your superstar that's standing in front of you who helped you, it elevates the rest of the superstars, the people who got you there. That's why I loved that particular point. And I do think it's a great question for a leader to ask, and it takes away the ego and it makes it more. And think about in predictive index. If we look, there are certain personalities, certain kinds of traits in the A, B, C, and D of Predictive Index. Those people stand up and you see them. But those people that you stand up and see oftentimes are supported by an army, a village behind them. And oftentimes those people feel unseen and unheard, but without them, a lot of stuff isn't going to get done and done well. And we talk about that when we actually bring an organization together and let them see the diversity of the people and how they do their work and how things get done. And we do need to recognize some folks that we're actually standing on their shoulders to get that stuff done. Because I can tell you the details, I'm not gonna do them. Right? The building the process, I don't do that. I'm a starter, I'm not a finisher. I need finishers in my world, and that's oftentimes probably the people that Simon is suggesting that we ask about who helped you get here. The people that took care of all that stuff that you don't like to take care of. Yeah, love that.