S4E35 Women are not telling the truth in their single state

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Transcript

Speaker 2 (0s): Okay, good morning bows and bow ties. So look, I'm probably gonna get bodied up for this one too, since I made the video about single women wanting to be married or whatever. So listen, y'all know I've sat, I try to curate my, my feed, right so that I get certain types of information, whatever is going on through my, my pretty little mind, right? And so I told you how I had received a video.

I don't know who I'm following follows this type of contact on. It was like on Single women. Like they, they just go in on married people. And I told you how it's like if you click on one, you're gonna get a lot of this content, right? So I had listened to the video or I don't know what I was doing because sometimes I'll select something, but it's really more for background noise. And it was like I had that long et finger and I was like, don't do it, don't do it. And it just clicked on the freaking video.

So now I get all kinds of content. So I decided to oblige for, you know, I'll give it a short while I listened to a couple of videos. I don't listen to a lot of 'em because lately I've been really busy, but I'm trying to catch up on some of these videos or whatever it is that gets into my piece, right? So then you'll get like a ton of them. I'm like, people are really talking about this over and over and over again. So listen, this is what I've come to the conclusion based on what I've seen in my feed and what I think I'm hearing.

Y'all are full of it. And I'm gonna tell you the reason why I have never seen so many people make content on. There seems to be this thing called Decentering Men. And I would say in principle, I kind of agree with it. But as with anything on this ridiculous app or any of these social media apps, you know, usually something will get taken, it'll get co-opted and it'll turn on a whole, it'll be like, it'll take on a whole life of its own.

So I would say this, from what I think I'm hearing, There are, it seems like there's almost two camps of women out there. There's the ones who would like to be in a relationship, but you don't really hear about that too much. And, they focus on other things that are fulfilling in their lives. And then there's the ones who are like so angry about life and men and they're like, I'm Decentering men more like, I don't wanna be around men.

I don't like men. Men are these horrible people, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Now I'm just kind of like paraphrasing a little bit. This is what I think. All of these women who are talking about not wanting to be in a relationship is stuff like that. I don't believe 'em. I don't, because that's all they talk about. That's all they talk about is how much they don't wanna be in a relationship. I'm like, you wanna be in a relationship.

So this is what I would say. I remember I had a conversation with someone, oh this was like Maybe close to 20 years ago. I was single. And I remember making the comment, I wanna be in a relationship and be married one day, but I also wanna do X, Y, and Z. And I don't know if I can have both, but if I can be in a really good relationship, I, I would be really happy or something to that effect.

It wasn't those exact words, but the, the person I was talking to who's an older gentleman, he said, you know, if you want that, make sure you let whoever you come across know that there's room in your life for them. And I remember when there was the hou, I have a point to this. When we were going through the first housing boom or crisis or whatever, so I remember I was at my house.

I was, maybe I was 27, I don't remember I think I was 27, maybe I was 28. I don't remember. And I remember saying, oh my goodness, the didn didn't know what I was talking about. I was like, these homes are going up in value. I should sell my house and buy another house. And the guy was telling me, he was like, you say you wanna be in a relationship. He was like, you're so young and you're, you're like all these missing these blah blah, blah.

He said, this is the thing, I'm not saying don't buy yourself a house. What I'm saying is this, what do you need this big, big, I mean I had a nice house, but he was like, what do you need this big house for? These men wanna take you out. Somebody's gonna want to marry you. He said, look, I'm a southern guy. Let him put you in a house. I know you can get your own other house. Let this man put you in a house. Let him do it for you. Not because you need it, not because you're begging for it, but when some man wants you, he'll do anything for you.

And I remember I almost sold my house and just said, spirit, I just want all this stuff. And I was so focused on what I could do for myself. 'cause I was this single empowered woman. And when I was dating, I re I remember during that time I was still intentional about meeting somebody. but I had my own hobbies. Now when we talk about Decentering men and this, it's all related.

One of the things I learned is in the process of being like in my single state, I still desired companionship and love and, and friendship, you know, from the males pieces and that type of thing. but I also focused on things that I enjoyed. I had these things that I wanted to do or to accomplish. And you know, I I was a very goal driven person.

So when I hear people talk about de-centering men, I'm like, well what do you really mean? This is what it's supposed to be. And then what it's co-opted to be. I hear these women get out here talking about how to gonna de men, but it's coming from a place of they can't stand men. I'm tired of men. Men are these awful creatures and we got a lot of silly ones out there. So let's be clear. I'm not saying that they haven't been through some things, but the Decentering men concept to me should be more around, look, I I want to have a con a a relationship, right?

I would like to be in union with someone and, and, but I I think what I'll do is I'm going to also cultivate the life that I have right now to be what I want to. And, and the process. Hopefully I'm being intentional enough where I can meet someone. But if I don't meet someone, then the life that I'm building around me is great too. Decentering men should not be about, you know, removing them from your life.

It should be more about this is what I want from me, that I'm gonna focus on some other things in my life. And men are also, it would be nice to have them be a part of it. But what I'm hearing out here in these internet streets is a bunch of women who are angry and they're basically like, I don't wanna deal with these men at all. I just wanna be single. And there's nothing wrong with just wanting to be single too.

But it's not about, it's not about focusing on the things that you want or that's what it should be. Let's be clear, it should be about that. But it's more about, I don't want men versus I'm gonna, it's like what they're saying is, I don't like men. I don't wanna be around men. Men are these awful creatures. Versus I wanna focus on my overall health and wealth, my overall state of being. And look, I didn't always get it right when I was single.

I didn, there's so many women out here trying to make it seem like they don't wanna be in a relationship. I think they're full of crap 'cause that's all they talk about. And so in order to support their, their hurt and they're, I don't want to be around men, they will go now and, and hyper-focus on people who are in relationships and like what's wrong with their relationship. All into the things.

Let me tell you something, my relationship is not perfect, right? My husband and I, we go through ups and downs, but I mean as long as he knows I'm always right. I mean, relationships aren't perfect, but I also see a trend. I knew people who were single, right? I don't really know too many single people anymore. And the one girl I had to cut off because she was Satan, what I do see is you get so used to being in your single state, there is no room for compromise.

There's no, you're not, there's no room for anybody else to come in. And yes, we know that you're highly capable. You, you, you're, you're a highly capable woman. You're a highly capable human of taking care of yourself. But what I am noticing is there's no room for anyone else. So getting back to earlier in my conversation, like I said, the guy that I had been speaking to me when I was younger, he told me, I know you can sell this house and buy another house, but these men are into you and blah blah blah, and you don't know who you're going to meet.

Let him put you in a house. Now I know a lot of women are gonna be like Uhuh, you know, whatever. That's for you. I remember I took his advice, I stayed in my house. It was a nice house, but it was like a starter house, right? It was four bedroom, bedroom, three bath. It was a house at the time when I bought, it was like 20, 25 years old. It was a great condition in a good school neighborhood. But where I'm going with it is when I was like, why is this colorful so slow?

When I stayed in that home and I, I met my husband, you know, I was dating and stuff like that. but I remember he was like, when we were looking at homes, I got to pick the house and it was nice. Like I remember like him wanting to give me the world, not because I couldn't take care of myself, but he wanted to give me the world. It made me think of after I remember what I saw give you the sun, the rain, the moon, the stars and the mountain.

I'll give you the word and all that you, I don't even know if that's the right words that even more so. The point I'm making is I was able to make room for someone else. He wasn't my whole life, I still had interest. you know what was so interesting about that? I had my interest and he had his.

And what we ended up doing was in the process, as we got to know each other and we started having fun, I would try to understand his hobbies. Not that I was gonna take them up. And he wanted to understand mine. And one of them, he actually did take up for a period of time and he enjoyed it. The whole Decentering men thing I think is being co-opted into, instead of saying what you want to do with your life and where you wanna go and where your focus is, you're spending so much time telling people what you don't want.

And maybe they should rename that. And this is why in my previous conversations about single women, I'm like, they spend so much time talking about what they don't want in a relationship, what they don't want in marriages. How all these married women are, this, that, and the other. And, they don't tell me about what they like about their single state, what they do want in their single state. And if they do, it's always centered around money. I'm like, not every single person is gonna be wealthy.

Not, not every single person is gonna be poor. So tell me about your single state. That's good. Tell me what you're doing to cultivate a healthier, you don't even name money. Now, I'm not saying money can't be a part of it because I know I will say for many of the women who are single And, they have access to disposable income. It gives them an opportunity to experience a whole lot more experiences. But even still, it's always nice to have a companion sometimes too. Why do you think they have all these travel groups?

I think that many of these women are lying out here. The message is not being conveyed. So I, for those of you who are probably gonna get in my com, isn't be in your feeling. I'm telling you right now what it's supposed to be and what they're saying, the messaging is not, it's not coming across. It's not. So if you wanna tell people that you're decentering men don't make it centered around men. Don't tell us all the bad things and like, I'm not gonna do this 'cause the men, this, men bad, blah blah.

What you do is you tell us this is what I want for myself and some of them are, but I, I suspect many of you are lying because that's all you do is talk about men on this app. That's all you talk about. You guys don't have anything else to talk about. Tell me about your hobbies. Maybe you could teach her something. Maybe I could learn something. I don't think many of you are truly happy.

You're not. You protest too much. Get out here on these apps and you guys all sound the same. All sounds saying. 'cause there was that one time back in band camp, this guy hurt my feelings. Well, you know what? There's a lot of women who hurt men. Feelings. There's a lot of men. I mean there's a lot of women who are hurt, whether they're single or married. There's a lot of men who are hurt, whether they're single or married. But you guys are like hyperfocused on these weirdo statistics about, well we think that you married women really aren't that happy.

I'm like, well, single women aren't happy. Nobody's happy. Everybody's going through something. The difference between the single and the married woman is that the married woman in the covenant, and so they tried to actually work out things. Single women have that option of disengaging from it. Also, married women have different environmental factors that will drive them crazy at times. Whereas single women have different environmental factors that will drive them crazy at times.

So when we take these little silly statistics and we'll say like 50% of ma or whatever the number is of married women are unhappy. I'm like, I'm pretty sure 50% of single women are unhappy. I would want to know what were the controls on that study? Y'all took stuff, y'all took stuff like that and followed lock. Is it lock sinker? I don't remember the stop locking back. I don't, I don't even remember what the saying is. Anyway, I think the women are getting out on this app.

I think they're lying. They are lying because there wouldn't be that many videos. I don't know how I'm see centering men. I'm like, well de them. It's like the black dudes that get out there and they're like, I don't date black women or I I am with this other woman because black women aren't this. I'm like, no, no. Tell me why you want that. Not why you don't want black women. This is what I'm hearing from y'all. Y'all got a blind spot. You're too busy being mad.

You're too busy being mad. And then what happens is you're pointing the fingers at Mary women, you're pointing the fingers at men. I'm like, but what are you doing that's wrong?

Speaker 1 (17m 59s): Because

Speaker 2 (17m 59s): We know we got some jacked up dudes out here. We know they are are psycho and and weirdos, but some of you women are weirdos. Some of you are flat out weird. Say some of the stupidest things. I'm like, I wouldn't wanna date you either. I remember listening to some of the women back then that are single and I was like, I could see why they're single. They're mean, they are delusional about certain things. They don't think that they have to compromise and work with people whether you're single or married.

I'm like the the, this situation is a situation is so weird and so psycho. Anyway, I said what? I said, y'all need to stop getting out on this app and lying about how happy you are and how you're just gonna decenter men. Do you know what you do? Stop saying you're gonna decenter men. Go do it. And it's not just about finding a hobby. I think the thing is, it's like a state of being.

You have to train your mind, train your everything. But the one thing you can't do is you can't train your mind and everything. If you're gonna constantly get out here and talk about how you're not gonna focus on men anymore, that's all I see is you. I'm like, good God, stop lying. And, and let me say something else. I wish many of you would get honest and say, I actually would love to be in a healthy relationship. Let me tell you something, it is better than being single.

Do I think people who are in relationships are better than single people know. But somewhere I was gonna get out here and take that and run with it freaking psychos. Being in a relationship where, where it's healthy and you're happy is better than my end of being alone, right? But it doesn't mean you can't be healthy and happy alone. What I'm saying is, I like having my built-in friendship.

I like being able to travel with my husband. I like coming home sharing a hee-haw about something that probably only he and I will ever find funny. I like that comfortableness. There's so much I can say, but it's not that important.

What I, I mean, well it is important, but that's, it's not the point. I just think, yeah, women need to stop getting out here saying that they're decentering men when all of their conversations are centered around men. All of them. I wanna know what you, what else is good about you? Tell me about you. And it doesn't have to be like your personal life. Tell me about your hobbies. Tell me how you arrived in your career. Tell me how did you achieve such wonderful things?

Tell me where your goals are. What do you wanna do next? How do you wanna affect people? How do you wanna affect people? What do you want to, what do you want as your legacy? Those are good conversations. But what you do is y'all are getting out here on this app talking about how you're gonna decenter men when I think you're full of crap. And everything that you talk about is men, men, men, more and more men. I can't stand men. I'm like, you want to be in a relationship, so stop flying.

Alright, so now that I was on that soapbox for all of the triggered people who are gonna be in my comments. And I know some of you might, you know, get in your feelings. It's okay to be triggered to be saying that actually it's okay to be triggered sometimes, but you needed to hear that. I'm like, I have never seen so many people talk about how they are decentering men. And all they talk about is men, men, men on this app. I've never seen so many people talk about how they are coming.

Like they come after all these married relationships. They're hyperfocused on. Like I said, there's a lot of finger pointing. They're pointing at the relationships. They're pointing at the men, they're pointing at everybody else. But remember they say for every single finger that you point, you have three more pointing back at you. I'm like, well, what's going on with you then? What's going on with you? What are the choices that you're making? What are the the things that you're doing that are allowing people to just start to see you? Why are you remaining in bad situations?

Why are you choosing bad people? And I'm not blaming single women for everything, but what I am gonna say is everybody can't be wrong about everything all the time too. We all have some mess about us, including me. There are certain things that I struggled with. Stupid thing is, anyway, stop getting on these apps and talking about how you're gonna decenter men. But then all you do is talk about men. It's like, stop getting out here talking about how married women are also so miserable.

Stop getting out here talking about how, look, look and And. they, they and, and, and all these, these dudes are these horrible, you know, there's enough content out there talking about it. We have enough of it Now tell me something else. Ounce. Tell me how you came up with a solution for Ible water for all the free worlds. Or tell me about you tell me how you arrived to a healthy spiritual state.

Tell me something else. We are more than hair and men and makeup. I would like to see more black content on something else other than hair, men, and makeup. Okay, and now subscribe to my channel and watch all my videos. Have a good one.

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