S4E38 Women can have it all... just not at the same time

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Transcript

Speaker 1 (0s): All right, bows and bow ties. So let's get on into it. Thanks for watching. Yeah. So, I think that Women can have it all, just not all at the same time. And I think that we need to be honest. We need to be honest about it. Okay. Sorry, my, my Fitbit watch is blowing up all these alarms and Yeah, sorry about that. So look, yeah, we need to be honest about some things because in this life we have, you know, like it's not always going to, like, it's gonna be a double standard.

That's what I was looking for last night when I did my live double standard. There's gonna be a double standard, right? Like at the end of the day, in order to get something, there's gonna be a trade off. There's gonna be a trade off. you know, you're either going to trade time, you're going to trade health, they're going to trade relationships, whatever that is, they're gonna maybe trade resources in terms of money. So the way I see it is this, if you want to have a career, career, I mean, there's exceptions to every rule, okay?

If you wanna have this stellar career, you're probably, probably going to make a trade off in terms of how much you invest in your relationships, right? And now, I'm not saying that women are not having those things, but most women are not going to have the stellar career and family and relationship and great health all at the same time. Okay? So oftentimes when you see women pushing really hard on these amazing careers, well, it's really hard for them to cultivate the relationship aspect.

Or even if they ha are in a relationship, then the children aspect becomes, let's push this off. you know, you'll see sometimes when women are in that phase of rearing their children, if they're really, really invested, then you're gonna find that sometimes it's hard for them to maintain their health or to maintain cultivating their career at the level that, that they, they were once on thriving and striving for.

So oftentimes, I don't think, in my opinion, I, I don't typically compare my path to that of maybe a man, because generally speaking, they don't have to put their career on pause. They don't have to make a change due to their physicality or their body, right? So their body doesn't necessarily go through all those changes. They don't necessarily miss large chunks of time in terms of being present in the office, right?

So women take time off, like significant time off. Some people stop working altogether, whatever that is, right? Oftentimes men who are like highly successful have a woman at home is running points, right? Who can take the children to a lot of their doctor's appointments, who can, if they're not, well, the woman may take off from work to be home with the child. Now, what I am saying is this.

That's not to say that women are not successful working and raising children, but like I said, there is typically a pay, oh, there's a trade off, there's a trade off. And so to have this a stellar career, now I know stellar is relative, but to have this amazing career, you know, to climb the ranks of the proverbial corporate ladder, to be the doctor you want the lawyer, you want the engineer, you want what, whatever that may mean to be the salon owner you want.

Typically that comes after you're done with birthing most of your children. I'm not saying it can't be done, I'm saying typically this is what happens. So you, you'll find that women, after they're done having kids and, and their kids are at a certain point where they can function, they're, they, they're not on the teeth. They're not constantly like where you'd have to pack like little baggies and stuff, right? You could say, go get your water bottle, go pack a snack, or whatever, right?

The women will then, should they choose to go back into the workforce or do certain things, open up a salon or a med spa or whatever that is, they will do that after their children reach a certain point because they spend a lot of time raising in their, their dream. Those children, Hey, I'm calling a thing, a thing. Women should, they choose to have it all. It's, they just can't have it all at one time. And I don't think we should compare a woman's path to success, whatever that looks like with that of a man, right?

A lot of, a lot of people will, will talk about how like, men work harder than women and all this other stuff. I'm like, but do they, do they really, I don't know if they have the same number of distractions. And now let me just say this. I will recognize that I am also biased because I'll speak from a woman's point of view because I have an available, right? So that is why I say the things that I said. Now I'm not taking away from a man's accomplishments when I'm saying is their path to success does not typically look the same as a woman's.

So like, in order to be, you know, good at what you're doing or something like that, they say you gotta put in the wrap, you gotta put in the time, right? But I talk about my kids all the time. There's that all adage just says like, in order to be considered a master as something you have to put in like 10,000 hours or 10,000 reps or something like that. I don't know if that number per se is true, but the sentiment I think ring true. So I always tell my children, 'cause I heard this from another podcaster when I first started out, he always said, you never worry this.

Well, he said, you don't compare your beginning to somebody else's middle, right? Because they've got more hours involved, more reps, whatever it is. And so I actually use that for my children. I always tell them all the time, like, you can't compare where you are with someone else's because of when you started where you started. And just like someone who's new or new were to doing certain things, they can't compare their, their their, their capability to yours.

So anyway, sorry. you know, lemme just say for the record not to like, act like I have full on a DDI put on some perfume this morning and I can still smell it. And if I can smell the perfume, that means I'm wearing too much and I can like, taste it. And it was something that I've had for probably several years. It came in like this whole set, and I hate it. I think it smells like old lady. And I'm like, now I'm gonna be walking around smelling like I'm probably 70, 75 years old today and I'm not a fan. So when I get home, I'm throwing it out.

It's driving me crazy right now. Okay? Back to the regularly scheduled program, getting back to the whole number of reps in hours. When a woman and a man, they start off in their career, they're doing similar, you know, like, hopefully like duties, like things, but once they decide to start dating and And, they in a relationship, And, they wanna get married, have children and stuff like that.

There, there typically is that trade off. And that, that woman's gonna have to take off a lot of time and go to doctor's appointments. She's gotta actually, now her body changes. So she's no longer at her initial, typical fighting weight or whatever it is. Now you can snap back and all that. 'cause like the longest time I I was a snap backer and I looked really good. But your body does go through changes, whereas men, they just have to worry about maintaining, right?

So your body is going through changes and then, you know, while you are out recovering, you're also having to raise a baby. Now, that doesn't mean that men are not participants, but we need to be honest, we need to be clear their level of involvement in the beginning. Although there's, there's good intentions. The fact of the matter is there's certain things that baby still needs from his mother. And men can be super helpful. My husband was very helpful. But at the end of the day, there's certain things that the baby needs from the mom.

So the level of involvement from the mom is high. Your energy's low, you know? And then if you choose to stay home to spend more time with your kids, like what happens is now the cycles, the reps you were putting into being good, the experiences that you would typically get by, you know, growing in your chosen profession, you're not getting those reps, you're not getting those cycles, okay? And so while you're contemporaries, your male contemporaries are continuing to get those reps, those cycles and that type of thing, right?

And it's not a knock on them or you, it's just different. So what happens is now that only do you have time. Why? So you're not getting those reps, you're not getting those cycles, you're not seeing those experiences. Your body is changing and your, your, your focus is, is spent on making sure that your child is growing. Now in defensive men, they can't be everywhere at the same time too. And a lot of times women will be like, oh, men don't this, they don't that.

Now, if you men do have a responsibility to help grow, nurture, raise a child, but somebody's gotta go out and, and earn income. So they get the opportunity to continue to hone their crafts, right? It doesn't mean they're smarter, doesn't mean I'm more capable. It means that they're in the game. They, they're getting the reps, they're getting the reps. And now they have to also rely on you while you're home with the child or whatever, to maintain that.

It's not necessarily a bad thing. Now, a lot of times we'll demonize that. I'm like, now wait a second. If you're not doing it, who is right? And somebody has to go work. So where, where I'm going with this without deep diving too hard is those reps that, that, generally speaking, the men are getting the reps, they're getting the experience. And so what happens is they have more time in. So when this woman decides to return to work, or if she's staying home and bed, like, you know, for some extended period of time and then going back to work.

Now, not to say that the capability is less, but what I'm saying is, this man has had more reps. He hasn't missed a beat. He has seen more things, has had more experiences, and now this woman is trying to play catch up. She's not going to be able to, she can't recreate the missing reps, the missing experiences. Is she capable? Yes.

So what I'm saying is, now when I talk about women having it all, I just feel like they can't have it all at the same time. There is a trade off. You're, like I said earlier, you're gonna either sacrifice your time, there's gonna be a body sacrifice, there'll be a financial sacrifice or something. Eventually, Women can have it all for those who choose career upfront. Well, the trade off is, well, for those who want a family, it becomes more difficult to have that family.

The body is letting you know, like, hey, I was, it's meant for me to do this at a younger age. And now there could be more complications or simply, hey, look, it's harder to, to secure relationships, right? Because you've got individuals who have been individuals for a long period of time and it becomes harder to come together when you're older. It's not impossible, but there's a trade off because you have time and reps in being single, not in being together.

So learning how to be together in a union or be a family or whatever is hard, right? Because you got more reps, more time or experiences in being a single person. You are, you're the master at being a single person. You are a novice at being in a relationship. You're a novice at being a mom, you're a novice at whatever. So anyway, that, that's where I'm going with it. I don't know if this makes sense. This isn't a knock on men, this isn't a knock on women.

This is more like a reality check that for most people it will be difficult to have everything all at one time. It's, it's not realistic. It is not. Anyway, I think that's all I've got. That's all I've got. I. think that's it. you know, I, I don't, I don't, you know, Hey, go ahead and subscribe. I know that much. Go ahead and hit that little subscribe button a thumbs up because you know I'm kicking it.

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