S4E40 I observed young people dating habits

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Transcript

Speaker 1 (0s): Okay, bows and bow ties. So sorry, I just finished eating this bagel and you know, obviously bagels are full of carbs and I had a little bit of butter and jelly on it, so that means there were more carbs and I hadn't had one in a while and it was so good and I don't know if it's because I was just dismissing it or if it was really good, but I devoured it. And so shortly when the carbs and the sugar hit me, I will be on turn. And let's get on into it.

So the last few days I've been talking about, I just I think like singleness being married tra wise. That's probably been going over the last couple weeks. But something that sparked my memory this morning, I figured I'd get on here and talk about, I observed young people on the job and what the dating scene looks like. Now, normally people don't try to talk to people from work, but this was really interesting.

I may have spoken about this before. I watched an entitled young man about maybe, I'm gonna guess 28 I, think he's like 28 or 29. And the girl, the woman was 24 if I remember correctly. And I thought it was interesting how he came up as very wanna of the alpha male.

And she came off as almost like, I don't wanna say like hardcore feminist, but she was basically, she was I. think she was a cute young lady. A nice young lady. I would, I would venture to say a pretty lady, right? She graduated from Cal Poly I, think, I can't remember I, think it was Cal Poly. So she's here on the East coast from California. So she has just a different collection of experiences, a different everything.

And she made it clear she was content to be home by herself. She was not interested in ever having children. And she would go out on dates occasionally. And so I would watch this guy who clearly had a thing for her to the point that it was like he was so thirsty, you could smell the desperation. He wasn't a bad looking guy. I mean he was kind of like a peak, but not really.

But he had a decent physique. He was tall, he, he was just overly psycho. He, he was like, he want, it was like almost like I am man, right? And he desperately wanted to get her attention. I am not waiting for this light. I'm gonna have to bypass this whole situation here and go down a back way instead of fooling with getting on the major road.

Anyway, to watch this young man basically stalk her at work, stalk her outside of work, it was to the point that it was creepy. And the interesting thing about it was the more she made it clear that she was not interested in this man, the more obsessed he was, he started getting rude. He, he was just doing too much to the point. It was uncomfortable for me because I would watch him, he would be near me trying to max this woman down on work to the point where I'm like, Kat, like literally she does not want you.

And the thing that I was thinking about was how dating is just so messed up now. It's all messed up because no one knows how to talk to each other. And so when I think about that, now this couple, they, they weren't a couple, but these were two young white individuals and it got me thinking about how dating just across the board is messed up because that's not the first time I've heard something like that. He literally, it it reminds me of like those weirdo dudes who are always on these podcasts.

I want this, I want that. The woman doesn't go out that much because she's content to be at home. She has her home, hobbies, she has her home, shows that she likes to watch, like she just is a homebody for her birthday. She took herself away for the weekend and got like this, I don't know, she took some sort of weekend package that dude was trying to find out where she was.

It's, it's psycho. But she took, she treated herself nicely for her birthday. This is the interesting thing. So when you listen to people, now I'm talking about the med for a second, talking about these women are just lonely. And I'm thinking about this young lady who was 24 years old, she didn't wanna be bothered. She made it clear she was gonna go away. She wanted to have a weekend alone. She had her weekend landed down to like her food, her coffee, the shows that she wanted to watch her bubble bath like she was treating herself.

She might be 25 now. She was treating herself to this weekend extravaganza. And this, this young man was so upset. It was in an area where you can go skiing, okay? He wanted to teach her how to ski. She was like, I am not interested and all this stuff. And he wound up seeing you're such a B and all this other stuff went, I was like, whoa, this is happening. And I think, the thing is, when I think about these men out here, they claim they want one thing.

And I'm like, it's not true because this woman happened to be attractive. She was educated, she worked for herself, she wanted to treat herself nicely and he couldn't stand that she was willing to do that without him. She didn't need him for that. The only time, like, so when she, she would go out and date stuff like that, but she didn't want to date him. And in his mind he felt like I'm, I'm a decent looking guy, I am smart, I have a decent job, I can do these things.

like you should just want me. And I look at the dating scene and I'm just sitting here thinking like, this is why, one of the reasons why like women are not dating, women are not dating, lemme rephrase that. They are dating, but they're so much more selective now let me, I just wanna make sure I clear that up because it wasn't like she didn't ever go out on dates. She wasn't pressed. This young lady had her own things that she liked to do and she was not interested in anyone trying to enter that space at that point in time.

Like she wasn't dressed, she's young, she was living life the way she wanted to, trying to understand what's going on in her career and stuff like that. And I guess men are having a hard time understanding that. And they're like, well that's why you're gonna be lonely with your cats. And she's like, but I'm alone now and I like being alone. I don't want to be with a whole bunch of people. I most certainly am not interested in having any children.

And he could not stand the fact that she would say these things. She's like, I'm not having kids. Anyway, getting back to all this, I'm thinking about how women are done. A lot of women are done. I would say men too. It makes sense that the population is falling, right? We're not replenishing, we're not keeping up with the birth rate. And it's, it's worldwide. So although being that I'm a black and black, black, oftentimes I'm speaking with a level of specificity towards black women.

I'm seeing this play out in other areas. I'm just saying, I see and hear from people all the time and they're like, I don't wanna have children. Especially, you know, if you are in the workforce, maybe there's a reason, maybe they wanted to at one point, but then it just doesn't work out with this young lady. She's 24 and she's just like, I have no interest in having kids.

I believed her because she barely wanted to date. I mean, she dated, she had a good time, but she was just like, eh, I'm good. Like she wanted to go home and watch her shows and, and whatever things she liked doing when she was home. Like she had hobbies inside and she was happy.

Speaker 3 (9m 47s): I

Speaker 1 (9m 49s): She liked to, she was working in her master's degree. She was, she was doing things that were meaningful to her. They were meaningful to her. And it wasn't centered around a guy. Now this is what I would say to me was the personification of Decentering men.

Because whenever she talked, she never took Mende, never. It was more about the things that she wanted to do and, and, and she liked rest. She used to make me giggle because she was like, when I graduated it was just like I was just so stressed out. Like I never wanna be stressed out that much again, trying to get my degree right because 'cause she, you know, her degree was challenging. I get it. I graduated with an engineering degree and I was like, never again.

So when I got my master's degree, it was not in engineering. So when she was taught, when she would talk, when she, I found it to be interesting now she was like awesome other kind of stuff. you know, I think her main thing was she as a young lady was not pressed to be in a relationship with a man. Although she dated, it wasn't like a thing for her probably because she was an attractive young lady.

So it wasn't like she couldn't garner the male gaze. But she definitely, just the things that she talked about doing and where she wanted to be, Just never centered around at all at all. She literally was just like, okay, so I totally wanna catch this so and so I think I forgot, what did she do one time? And somehow she came back with a, with a plant. She did something over the weekend, came back with one of those snake plants or whatever it was, it was like she would do these things and talk about her weekend and some local things she enjoyed that was so entertaining to her.

You wanna know what else she told me? She was telling me that when she graduated, like many of her peers, it was all about like how much money they can make. And she told me when she, when she graduated For her, she had, she could have gone to like the Googles and stuff like that, right? She said, you know, many of these companies, it, it had to be something else. Like she was like just, some of them were just not, she didn't like the director of the company.

Like she was really very like in tune with like what you believe in. And a lot of young people are like, what do you support? What do you believe in? Like, it was just like, for her, like some of those things just didn't mess with her soul. So she chose her job based on different criteria. She was, you could definitely tell she was like a thinking kind of woman. Very introspective, you know, I, I I found her to be actually kind of interesting but I, the demand that would be stalk her and everybody would see what it was.

He couldn't handle it. Like, how dare she not be into me? How dare she not wanna spend time with a guy? How dare she go spend time alone on the weekends? How dare she say these things and, and basically have this autonomy over herself. So I think this is part of the reason why when I look at, now, this is just one example, I look at how the young people are dating I was, there's another instance, I think I did do a video on this where I saw A young couple in high school where they were near the track.

So my daughter was practicing, she had a little cross practice, but there were some high school kids that were nearby. I, I don't know why they were out and about, but they were doing something. And I remember looking over and this young lady looked like she was under some sort of dur arrest. And I walked over 'cause there was multiple guys. And I, I remember going over there and I said, Hey, y'all need to cut it out. I said, look, if you guys wanna engage in this kind of crazy behavior, you need to go somewhere else.

And I'm like asking her, are you okay, And? they, they didn't want to like talk at first. I said, you do understand that I, of these parents we have under, we have an undercover police officer, which was true actually. It was a DEA person, but that's neither here nor there. I was like, you know, you got an undercover officer, right? you know, they already ped you. Right? And it was true. And so then her eyes got big. I was like, yeah, you don't even know who you're around. It's some of the stuff that you're doing. Do you not know that these parents are sitting there talking about it?

Where I was going with it was, I was watching this young girl. I I, it looked like she was in an abusive relationship. And, they were making such a, a commotion. And I was just kinda like, please take that away from here and if you need help, like I was trying to see like where her hat was and I was watching the interaction. This, I don't, I don't know what this girl's home life was, but she clearly was desperate for the intention of her boyfriend and his friends.

That's what it sound like. And I shouldn't bring your race, but this was a young white girl and a relationship with a, I'm gonna assume he was a biracial, like a black and white kid. I don't know. He was being very aggressive, kept grabbing her the way he was talking to her. And I was just kinda like, you know when you have people in these relationships and people wanna wield their power over other people 'cause maybe they don't feel like they have power at home.

And I know that's like a terrible stereotype, But I was watching this go down and I was just like, people don't know how to talk to each other. People don't have any self-esteem. The scene, everyone's aggressive. I'm like, that's not how relationships are supposed to be. That's not how you're supposed to engage with each other, right? Watching the way these young people talk to each other and treat each other. I can see why everybody has mentally checked out.

I wouldn't wanna be out here dating Now Granny, that's such a small cross section, so I don't wanna treat that as if that's like, you know, the standard. But I was watching a lot of this stuff goes down. I was like, this is how men are treating women out here and women are putting up with it. Anyway, I just wanted to get that off my chest. It was like a random couple of thoughts. I'm gonna be honest, I'm glad that I don't have to deal with it.

'cause I would choose myself too. The difference though is a lot of these women who are choosing themselves, they're going on and on and on about them. Instead of just choosing themselves and and figuring out what makes them happy. They need to talk to this young 25-year-old woman who was focused on keeping herself happy. She wasn't focused on pleasing. No. all right, so I'm gonna get off here because it probably wasn't that interesting of a video anyway and I don't have anything else to say.

Have a good one.

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