S5E12 Is Jack and Jill good for the community?

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Transcript

Speaker 1 (0s): Good morning bows and bow ties. Okay, this is gonna be interesting. Well, maybe not in the last, I would say four or five years, I have been asked if I, I would, if I had ever considered joining Jack and Jill. Okay, I'm gonna come off camera because the, the car's in back of me, they're probably gonna be blinded.

I don't know what's going on. It seems really bright today. As much as I like to remember on camera, or maybe not, maybe I'll stay on camera. I, I mean, I don't know. I look, I'm going through it, but let me, let me just wind it back. About a week and a half ago, I was having a conversation with a coworker and I was talking about how I would like to have my children have more access to diversity. Because where we live, it's not very diverse. It's quite a mod is actually. And so I have to do extra sometimes, like make sure that if, when they join maybe some of their sports teams, that it's not locally because they need to be able to see other girls, other boys, et cetera.

Now, things sometimes, So let me just say this before I get into a Jack and Jill, I was having a conversation with my son last week. I took him up to dinner, one of my, my high, my high school son. And he got really upset with me because I laughed at something he said. And basically he came out that he was at school and there are kids, I think he's white now. My son is about my complexion.

Okay? Maybe it's shade darker. And he has never once been confused about who he is or who he was, whatever. So my kids are the shades of the rainbow. And I, I was like, what? I said, maybe they just think you're mixed and he's not, he looks like most black people And they see like, they, they see a black kid. And he was like, no, they think I'm white. And he was, he was mad about it. I'm like, well, did you tell him that you're black? He's like, well, yes. And I'm like, how did he think you're white? He's like, I don't know.

And he was really irritated. And, and I can get, I understand that. And he was like, why did I have to be born with this skin anyway? I'm like, well, what's wrong with your skin? You're a black man, right? And like I said, my kids have all shades. I have some that are brown, some that are, I have four kids. My son just is, it's just closer to my color. And so of course he was mad because my daughter taunt him and is like, you know, look at you, look at me. I mean, like, I don't know dude.

Like, you know, 'cause my kids are, you know, they like to troll each other where I'm going with this. I was a little disturbed because I was like, I gotta get these kids around some, my brown kids. Now let's, let's wind it back further. When I was talking to someone about my kids need to see more brown kids, right? I explained, you know, all the reasons why this is a sidebar. Remember when, where we are right now, someone had offered to have us come visit the church, can join the church.

This was years ago. And I remember we were volunteering at a food pantry. You know what, this is kind of making me emotional. I don't know why, but this is starting to get next to me. So I'm trying to get myself together. I was at this food pantry and I had my kids involved trying to just give back. And I remember someone said, why don't you come join our church? You know, we have a great children's program and all this other stuff.

And I remember saying, I absolutely will not come join your church. Now, I probably could have had a better bedside manner. I'm gonna circle back to Jackie, Jill and just hang with me for a second. I probably could have had a better bedside manner. And they said, why you love our church? I said, but I love my family moved. And she, and she's so puzzled, and I had to break it down. I said, my children need to be part of a church where there's a lot of black people.

I said, you know, that's the most segregated hour on Sundays. And she was like, but this isn't about race. I said, but for you, it's not about race. I said, but my children need to see people who look like them. That's where they learn some of their history too. Because we learn a lot of our history in the churches. You know, some of our traditions are in a church, et cetera. I said, my kids will need to see kids that look like them. This lady paused, and then she nodding and I, the aha moment kicked in.

She was like, I get it. I, I understand. I was like, yes. I said, I can't have my kids constantly in spaces where, you know, they don't have kids that look like them. Now, over the last few years when I, I've had these conversations before, like, have you considered Jack and Jill? And I've always said no. And then recently when someone asked me, it's about a week and a half ago, about a week and a half ago.

And I was asked about it and I'm like, well, no. And so people are like, well, why not? And this is where I struggle with the Jack and Jill. Now, before you guys try to excoriate me and get on me about what I'm going to say, 'cause it's not really that bad. Let me just say this. It reminds me of that, that little clip when Chris Brown says like, how you gonna be a hater? Or when you can't get in, or something like that. I forgot what it is. You know, you can't even get in the club. Now, let me just say this.

I've never tried to get into jacket jail. I couldn't tell you where the nearest organization, meeting, seminar, anything. I cannot tell you anything about it. I have not pursued it. I know that people have asked me if I had ever considered it. I don't know a ton of, I, lemme rephrase. I don't knowingly know a bunch of people who are in Jack and Chip. I know some, but, or I knew some.

I know some. I dunno. It's a little combination of both. Now, let me say this. Now that I've prefaced all that, Jack and Jill, I can't remember what they're about, but they're about, I think creating future leaders and An environment for black people to get together and maybe even serve the community or something. I don't know. I don't know what their exact charter is. I don't remember.

'cause I had to look it up at one point. I have found, for me now, when I speak, I'm speaking about my collection of experiences. So look, if this doesn't apply to you, it doesn't apply to you. You need to let it fly. You gotta let it go. But my interactions with those who were part of Jack and Jill have always been, at least from the ones that I know, I just felt, I don't know if the word is disinterested.

I think I, I just was turned off. I was turned off because the scuttlebutt about it is that it is very elitist, right? And honestly, the people that I've come in contact with who've talked about it, they have definitely come off as elitist. That's how it's come off to me. I feel like, And look, I feel like I'm probably on a high horse like this moral high horse.

So I want everybody to just give me a little bit of grace here because I'm struggling with how to communicate. I feel like when you have a group of people who create an organization such as Jack and Jill in order to, the, I don't think the purpose is to exclude, but it is quite exclusionary. Now, let me just say this. We all judge, we all exclude people, right?

Because I, I, I judge all of you, I judge all the people who are on these whacked out weirdo channels listening to that, that weird talk. I mean, like, the only channel you should be listening to is mine anyway, right? But I struggle with it because I feel like it's very exclusionary. It comes off as very elitist. And I, I don't wanna teach my kids that. And it's supposed to be an environment where these kids can get together And they can, and you know, I guess be with light kids.

And I say that with earmarks around it, and I just kind of feel like, well, what does that mean? So what does that mean with light kids? Now granted, we all do it, right? So I mean, I really shouldn't be on my moral high horse, right? There's a reason why you move into certain neighborhoods where you wanna put your kids into the best schools, et cetera, et cetera. We all do it. And I recognize that I'm actually a hypocrite when I had this conversation, but I did not like the way, I don't know, whenever I was around those who profess to be part of that organization, it did not come off good.

It came off very elitist. And I'm going to tell you something else. In my lifetime now, I've been living for 48 years. I have never, ever, ever seen one event put on by Jack and Jill. I know there's, I think there's some sort of philanthropic component that goes to it. I have not seen them ever shaking the teeth. Lisa, I've, I've, I've never ever have seen Jack and Jill.

Only thing I know is that Jack and Jill, to me, has come off as a self looking ice cream cone. They're there to serve themselves. And let me be clear, I am, I am not so sure there's anything wrong with that. I just think that it doesn't necessarily resonate with me. There's nothing wrong with serving yourself. I just think that the way I just, it just definitely feels very exclusionary.

Like, we're not part of those people. You're not one of us. They're not like us. They're not like us. It, it, it, it's that. Right now, that's just my collection of experiences. I don't want to teach that to my children. And let me tell you this, I very well could be unconsciously teaching that to my kids, but I definitely don't want to consciously do that.

I, I definitely, it's just not something that resonates for me. And maybe I'm not reading the right members who represent that organization every single time I've ever had knowing interactions with someone from the, it's very, they, they let you know. You know what, they remind me? They remind me of the people who are from Texas. You know, they'll be like, you know, Texas, right? You know, Texas will let you know I'm from Texas.

And that has been my collection of experiences. And the interesting thing about it is it has never been the men. It has been the women. Now, that's not to say that I don't think there are men who are probably elitist, and I think men and women maybe, sure they're elitism in different ways. I've never gotten that from the men. And so when I think about the, that organization, do I want my kids to be part of Jack Jill?

And I've never pursued it. And I think part of it too is because it's so exclusionary and lead is like, it's like almost like an interviewing process. We gotta figure out to see if you're good enough to be part of this organization. And I'm just sitting there thinking like, I was already good. I'm perfectly made. God made me, my kids are good enough, period. And so I've never sought membership.

But it was so interesting how so many people will say, have you ever considered Jack and Jill? But I'm like, is that the kind of black comradery I want for my children and when I want them to be around more black and brown kids? Is that what I'm thinking? I'm just not sure that's, That's what am what am I teaching my kids? I don't know. Like, it, don't get me wrong. I know that we all do it.

So I just wanna say for the record, I, you know, I'm calling out my own hypocrisy, But I don't wanna consciously have my kids be part of that. I re I, I knew someone in college. Oh my goodness, I knew a young lady in college who was like that. And you can tell she was brought up to be a certain kind of way. And she liked to judge. And she was like, I mean, Jack and Jill, and you know, when I look back in some ways I almost was sad for her because I'm like, she has to subscribe to those ideals, right?

I just find that like, a lot of times when people join these organizations, it's almost as if like, they use that to be the validator for who they are. Whereas I have the perfect level of delusion about myself that I'm already self validating, right? And I don't know if it's just because of where I'm at in my life, where, you know, I'm 48 years old and I'm not here for shenanigans. But yes, people say, you know, have you considered this? So when I had a conversation with someone I knew at work and she brought that out and she's not part of it, and I gave her reasons for why I, I, I struggled with even considering or thinking about Jack and Jill.

And she's like, you know, well, I find it interesting to say that, and I'm just paraphrasing, she didn't use these exact words, but she was like, you know, I know plenty of people. I struggle with it too. I listened to the way many of the members talk in that group and how the women, the, the things that the women are interested in. And she said, you know, I, I'm just, I'm just past some of that stuff. She's like, I don't care about some of the stuff that they're saying and, and part of, and I was like, I get it.

I said, now, don't get me wrong, I don't have those kinds of conversations with people who are in, in just because I, I don't seek those conversations. Like, I don't, it's not the word I'm gonna use for, I, I just haven't really engaged in like, these deep, thoughtful conversations with many of the people in the organization. And, and a lot of it could be because now I've put up such a wall to it, because every time I have ever run into somebody that they wanna let you know, I'm a check.

And Joe, and we've done this. And I think for me, I'm just kind of like, when part of these organizations, you know, I get it. People wanna belong to something. They wanna feel like they're different from people and that they're elite. And I get it. But that's, I don't know if that's what I wanna teach my kids, even though I'm sure I unconsciously do it right. I think for me was like, I hear about Jack and Jill doing these things with their kids, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that, but it's definitely like, I see the separation and I don't know, I just, I'm just at, at this point where I know that from a macro level and I don't do enough in the community, it's be clear, right?

But from a macro level, there's so much that people are struggling and I don't know, I just struggle with it. I'm, I don't want to put my family on this under a microscope in order to join this, but like, like, please accept me into your organization, interview me. Like I, I don't know what it is, but I, I, it just, something about it just does not sit well with me.

And like I said, my interactions with those who are part of that organization has always been, it's been very, like, it's not like, oh, part of this, it's been like I'm part of Jack and Joe. I don't know. But now that's just me. It's just me. And, and I don't want to deep dive into too many of those conversations because I, it, it, it doesn't, it doesn't matter. There's no upside to going into the particulars. But circling back, the original question, you know, I had always been asked was, have I considered Jack and Jill?

And it's been no, because I don't know if that's what I wanna teach my kids. You know, I'm trying to teach my kids to be a good character. You know, my, I think my son is gonna be a preacher. I kid you not, he's gonna be a pilot or a preacher. I just want my kids to be to people. I want them to know and love Christ. I want them to be fully self-supporting and I think can help somebody, help somebody.

I want them to be likable without all the clubs and titles. That's what I want. I want them to be likable without those things. I want them to be around everyone, the wellbeing and not so wealthy. So I, I struggle with Jackie Jill. I, I do, I don't know what it is, but it hasn't resonated with me.

And I don't think anyone has given a compelling argument as for why it would benefit my kids. And I, I mean, they do need to be around more brown kids. And I, and I try and I try to foster what I can, but it's ultimately, I don't know, it's just, it's not resonating with me. I don't like how many of them are, like I said, there is, there's nuance. Like, it's not like, Hey, I'm part of Jack and Jill. It's more like I'm in Jack and Jail.

That's how it comes off. And for some reason, I, I just cannot. Anyway, so, all right. I think I beat that dead horse. And I'm sure there's other reasons and, but, but we're speaking off the cuff here. I just wanted to have that brief little chitchat that Tet on Jack, Jill. I don't, I don't know what it is, but, all right. Look, hopefully you have already liked this video because I'm practically perfect in every way. Dude, go wrong.

And this is a great time for you to subscribe to my channel. And look, let me tell you something about this channel. This channel is not going to talk about every salacious topic. I don't wanna always argue about this gender or stuff. I don't care. Like y'all wanna sit there and fight. Look, if you don't like each other, don't like each other. I'm at the point where it, it's weird. You don't wanna, like, you don't wanna do each other to each other. Stop getting online and talking about it every two seconds trying to reciprocate. Like, you guys are like the authority on relationships.

And many of you don't even have any relationships that can hold water. So I'm not gonna talk about that kind of stuff all the time. 'cause I, I don't want to, I don't want to. I'm not gonna get on here in full glam all the time. Well, I never do anyway, right? This is, this is what I look like in real life. I I'm not gonna do that. I, I don't want to do that. That's just not where I'm at with it. My channel is what it is.

I talk about the things that I wanna talk about. You wanna know why? Because I'm the Black Opinionated Woman, also known as above. So I give my opinions of things that I wanna talk about. But occasionally I'll talk about something a little more serious. But a lot of times I'll try to keep it light and I try to keep it short because we have too much going on. People are are going through it, people are going through it. All right? So I'm going to be taking my exit shortly. You guys have a good day.

And make sure you subscribe to my channel. And also if there was a topic that you want me to talk about, let me know. I do read my comments, sometimes timely, sometimes not. But I do read comments. All right, now look, you guys, go on out there and go join Jack in jail. All right?

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