S5E35 Peace, protection, and performance

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Transcript

Speaker 1 (0s): Good morning, Bosman bow ties. I don't think this is gonna be a long video, but I wanna thank you for joining my channel. If you're new to my channel, I'm As black opinionated woman, also known as a bow. So I'm gonna come off camera because my light is on in the car and I think it's kind of a distraction here at 5:07 AM Lemme get this off. Okay, so lemme just get on into it. I don't know what I'm gonna rename this video, but I originally titled this Peace, protection and Performance.

So I could just run this real quick. So I, we, we hear, we constantly hear about how we're like protecting our peace and all this other stuff, but there comes a time when you actually have to practice that. You have to practice that. And I remember having a conversation with someone who looks like me at work, who's in a physician of, I would say, semi authority. And I remember watching her, she's a highly competent person, but she was, it's hard to say, I would say that she was allowing others to take her out of herself.

And when I say that, it was because she was getting excitable, she was getting angry, and she was willing to be combat. And I pulled her aside and I told her she needs to take some vacation time. And she was looking at me and she was telling me what she was willing to do. And I was like, no, no, no, you should take some vacation time. I'm not in a position of authority, I don't work, she doesn't work for me or nothing like that.

But she's this, she's the greats person. But I was watching how she was in her position and she was allowing a bunch of people who don't look like her to run her ragged. They were questioning her, her intellect, her authority. And you know, obviously she proved herself to be correct multiple times, but in the process she was allowing herself to be beat up in the process.

And I told her, you need to, when we talk about protecting our peace, that's just that sometimes we need to protect our peace. When you have people who are willing to take you out of who you are and run you down and you're, and, and you're at the point where you're willing to show the side of you, you're willing to give them that other side that they don't even deserve.

I was like, and that's when you, you, you have to check out because what was, what's what'll happen is people will, will use your talents, they will use your talents, they will use your body, use your talents, use your intellect. You will fight for what's right. You will fight for certain things and then ultimately you will, you'll be the one will be worse for it, worse for the wear, right?

You'll be worn down. You will be you, you are the one, you're the one that's gonna have the bitter taste in your mouth. And so I remember saying, you have to protect your piece. Like, like literally practice that now. And she wound up taking an extended period of time off, came back to work, feeling much more refreshed. And she's very smart and she knows all these things, but sometimes you can get so caught up in the middle of shenanigans and sometimes you have a blind spot and it's hard to see and it just takes one to say, Hey, do you see what's happening?

I re I, I remember sharing with a couple of coworkers, something that my mother always told me. She told me years ago, you cannot deny people their process. And I understood it logically and maybe even intellectually like in terms of like really understanding the sentiment. But you know, as you get older and sometimes the things that your parents tell you and teach you to, you really start to understand.

She said you cannot deny people their process. And she used to say, when the pain gets deepen up, you are required to change. And I remember what I first learned that, now check this out. I understood it but I didn't understand it. Like I didn't get it, get it until a little bit later. Like I understood it, but it meant more when I had more like experience.

She said, when the pain gets deep enough, you are required to change. She's like, because think about because if you like, okay guys, like if, just think about this. When you are at the point where you can't take it anymore, usually people are going to alleviate that stress, that pain, right? So what does that look like? It can be good or bad. Some people may turn to drugs, alcohol, alcohol, sex spending.

You know, they maybe just spending maybe, I don't know, or maybe some people they do the opposite. They bubble down and suddenly they're like, screw it. No more spending. You know what? I'm no longer gonna be a hoe or, or a gigolo. I don't know. They're like, maybe I need to change jobs 'cause this is too much or whatever. Right? You do something you act, affect some part of change in your life to alleviate that stress.

And so my mom used to always say, when the pain gets deep enough, you are the one that's required to change, you will change you, you will change. And so it's gonna be either a good change or a bad change, right? Because whatever it is that is taken to a point where you can't take it anymore, you're going to do something to affect that change. Now what you choose to do that is separate. But she said at the end of the day, you cannot deny people their process.

And so what you do is you, she said you pray for the pain because if people don't wanna listen And they don't wanna change and, and do all these things, and I'll circle back to the this scenario, see about work. But then what you do is you gotta let the pain come, you gotta let it happen. You can't deny people their process. Some people, when they feel pain, they, they nip it immediately. Some people they gotta go all the way in the gutter. They gotta go until they get that blessing.

So she was like, you cannot deny people their pain. I mean their, their process pray for the pain to come and then it'll start to change. My mom used to always tell all the time, like, I remember she was telling my sister one time, like when she was dating this guy and she was just kind of like, he will get rid of you before you get rid of him. She was like, so I pray for the pain since you don't wanna listen because you gotta live your own life and when you're tired you're gonna do something different.

So I hope the pain comes sooner rather than later, right? So that, you know, you don't want to wait, wait, wait, wait and go all the way in the gutter. But if that's what you need in order to get that lesson, so be it. She said, pray for the pain. And so lemme circle back to my coworker, you know, she was trying to do all these good things, these right things and people weren't listening. And you know how people will try to usurp your authority and people try to engage in sub subversive behavior or maybe, or whatever it is.

And she was fighting so hard and I was like, no, no, no, sometimes you gotta let it fall. I've been there, I know what it's like to fight, fight, fight. And you know, you're right and you're trying to prove a point and, and you're like, you not even to prove a point and you're like trying to do what's right and people don't wanna listen. There are other things at play and then you have to learn. It took me a while and I got there, I had to learn to get out of the way. I didn't realize I was getting to the point when I got out of the way, meaning I stopped fighting certain things.

I was like, I, I didn't realize I was no longer denying others their process. They had to walk through things, right? So with this coworker, I remember she came back to work and she said, thank you for that. And I was like, they don't deserve for you to set it off on her. Sometimes you just gotta let it be what it's gonna be.

I have learned to now document certain things like, or just make sure it's, now I'm like, hey, this is my concern about X, Y, and Z. And then I've learned to let things go because I am not in the right position to affect that sort of change. What I can do is call attention to certain things and I can, I can bring, I can bring it to your attention and with supporting information and that's it. Because what I'm not gonna do is take any of that home with me mentally, right?

I'm like, hey, this is, you're in this situation, make a decision. It's not for me. Here it is. I I and then, and I've learned to let things go most times. Look, you talk about earlier, I talk about how when you allow people to use you and this, that and the other. I just changed my daughter or she just left a particular sports team and, and there are parents there who I think there's certain things that they don't see or they're not aware of.

Some of it is a blind spot on some of these parents. But I saw and noticed some things and I just chose to remove my daughter from a situation, especially since she was one of the best ones on the team. I, I was talking with another parent. We both moved our children off of that team and actually to something much better, believe it or not, like hella better. Mine, mine isn't official yet, but it's, I think it's pretty official. But yeah, I think that one of the things I kept saying is there are several things that are important to me as a parent, right?

And I want you to listen. You know, the pain finally got deep enough when my daughter started getting more BS than she normally was. She's normally a, a student, sometimes a B but she started getting Bs and, and it's not that they're bad, but that is not her best effort. And I said, wait a second, because there was too much going on with this particular team in the, in terms of how and when they were practicing.

And I was like not happy with the fact that there is a cutoff. If practice is supposed to be an hour and a half-ish, be an hour and a half, but then it was slipping to an hour and 45 minutes, then it was slipping to two hours, then it was two hours and 15 minutes, then it was two and a half. I'm like, there's not that much practicing in the world for these young people. But not only that, it was getting to a point in time at night where I was like, it's too late. There were people who were willing to put up with certain things, but I was not, it was just not a healthy situation.

But not only that, my daughter was one of the best ones on the team along with another girl. And our daughters were being yelled at the most. And I didn't like that, especially because they were working so hard. I didn't like the fact that when I decided, I said, look, practice ends at this time, so it needs to end. My daughter has to go home, she has to sleep and, and school is important. And when one of the, the, the coaches tried to say something and I'm like looking at like, well, whatever you guys do in your lifetime is one thing, but at the end of the day, my job is to parent my child.

I got my child through the rest of the season. They had a pretty good season, but I recognize that, you know, other people have moved their kids off before. But I said I had to move my child up and do what was best for my kid. The back of the matter is, grades are important. She's a student athlete first. My husband coaches a team and he makes sure that those, those young men are out of that, out of practice timely because they're young students.

And what I am saying in this moment is the pain got deep enough that I was willing to take her off the team before securing another spot on another team. Because I said, this just just nodded noded it, this is not it. I'm not gonna put her in a situation where this is an unhealthy situation. You know? So the pain got deep enough and, and then, and actually the interesting thing is my daughter felt relief.

She felt relief and I don't think she realized she was carrying attention. And I was just kind of like, so my job is to parent her. We, I ended up, she ended up being in a situation where she's got other teams looking at her who are way better, like play a national schedule and they're willing to, it looks like they want her to come be part of what they've got going on. And they, she's actually in the process of training now, like with at least one of the teams, but possibly the other.

So where am I going with this? If you're gonna protect your piece, you have to actively do it. You have to actively do it and don't give them anyone a negative performance because I found that I was getting snappy as like a member as a parent on part of that team. And there's other things that go along with it that I, I don't need to speak to, but on here that I didn't like that, that, that there was a little bit of, I think, subconscious bias from the coach who having to look like me.

But I think that there was some subconscious biases going on that I don't even wanna get into it, but I, I just found that I had to do what was best for me. And I think about for my daughter, it was more so I think about my coworker who had to do what was best for herself. And I said, protecting your peace means you have to act actually actively protect it. And you don't have to perform for anybody.

'cause what happens is when you're not protecting your peace and you're coming out of who you are and then you start performing good, bad, indifferent, be because you are not at peace. So that's my full thought for the day. It wasn't probably the prettiest, but I think you understood the sentiment and hopefully you're taking this opportunity to send this to all of your friends, send it to all of your friends. I'm gonna come on for two seconds and say, hey, alright, I'm getting ready to get off of this, but this is a good opportunity for you to subscribe.

Hopefully you liked what I had to say. Send it to all your friends and until next time, I don't even have a closing Logan or anything. But anyway, until next time, go ahead and subscribe. See you next time.

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