Family - The Root of Recovery and Addiction, Family Love, Family Pain

Imagine attending a family wedding where the joy is palpable, yet there's an undercurrent of pain due to past misunderstandings. This episode unravels the complex tapestry of family life, especially through the lens of recovery from addiction. We navigate the delicate balance between the joy and heartache that family gatherings can bring, particularly around the holidays. The discussion highlights the common feeling of being misunderstood that addicts often face and the profound necessity for acknowledging the hurt endured by their loved ones. We explore the transformative journey of making amends and how it can bridge the chasm between addicts and their families, paving the way for healing and mutual understanding.

Life's milestones—weddings, births, and funerals—aren't just events; they are pivotal moments that reflect the highs and lows of our existence. This episode emphasizes the importance of being truly present during these moments. Drawing meaningful parallels between addiction and loss, the conversation sheds light on relapse as a formidable barrier that distances individuals from themselves and their families. By embracing the entire spectrum of emotions, from joy to sorrow, we deepen our connection to family and humanity. Join us in this heartfelt reflection, as we encourage listeners to actively engage with life's rollercoaster, aiming for a richer and more meaningful existence.

Chapters

• 0:02 Family
• 10:03 Presence in Life's Milestones

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

What is at the heart of life?

Speaker 1: 0:06

Family, what is usually the start of our pain? Family. Welcome again to another episode of the 1% in Recovery podcast, where we encourage you to laugh every day, where we encourage you to laugh every day. You got to laugh To work hard. Work hard in recovery, work hard in your relationships, work hard in your job, business, school, life is about work and with work you get satisfaction and love, love unconditionally. You just got to put out more love in this universe. You cannot hold back, you cannot be worried about what the other person is going to do, not do or say. You just have to just love, love, love. So remember a few things that we always say Recovery is beautiful, your EQ is your IQ and you cannot outthink an emotional issue. What we keep encouraging people to do, to keep expanding this community, is to join the Facebook group. The link is down below Recovery Freedom Circle. There everybody has an opportunity to participate, to state anything that is going on, mainly successes, achievements, as well as questions around steps, relationships could be also motivational quotes or stories, something that just really kind of inspires and brings us all together. Where we're talking about recovery, we're not talking about addiction, so everybody else can heal and move forward and live their best life.

Speaker 1: 1:47

Now let's jump into this week's episode family. Now, family is usually at the heart where a lot of things begin. A lot of things happen within our families and it's usually the first. The good news, or the supposedly part where people start to flourish is that's where they receive that love, they receive that acceptance or encouragement to do certain things in life and family really becomes the base. I mean, we're about to come up on holidays Thanksgiving, christmas, new Year's you know, always starts around family, which can be a wonderful thing for many, many people. But it also can be a source of pain when you start tapping into loneliness around the holidays for so many other people. But family really needs to be at the heart. You know I was just at this past weekend at my niece's wedding, brought together a lot of three different families to celebrate this beautiful wedding in Driftwood, texas. Perfect weather, perfect setting, sun was out, sun came down through an outdoor oak tree, the ceremony was right there.

Speaker 1: 3:12

And when you walk around talking to family now, I've been in recovery for over 25 years. So people who know me or who even meet me, they know that recovery is a piece of my life because I always talk about recovery and always people have always question and also just ask about recovery now, because I just live it and it just becomes a part of me and that gives me so much freedom. But within this you start even meeting new people that I met and hearing their stories, whether they're parents of someone that has at least been getting a couple years of recovery in, or we're talking about people that are trying to understand what's kind of going on possibly in their own family's life or something else, or just curiosity in other people. And you have these conversations and it's really evident the love, the pain, the frustration, the confusion. So much goes on from different aspects of family. And I want to start and really this is where everything is just so powerful and so meaningful around family is when we're talking about the 11th step prayer or we're talking about the St Francis Assisi's prayer. There's a line in there. It's better to understand than to be understood, and that's usually at the heart of a lot of issues.

Speaker 1: 5:00

First off, from the addict's standpoint, the addict always feels misunderstood. They may have said something that may have happened to them in the past, whether it revolved around money, bullying, school money, sex, so many different topics that could have already been brought up that the family knows about talks, about ignores, and the addict feels so misunderstood. Constantly, when they go into their first, second or first month, they constantly talk about how my family stopped listening to me, my family stopped understanding all the pain that I'm trying to go through. And that's so valid. You know, I've lived it and I know so many others have lived it where they feel just misunderstood and the addict feels like the family doesn't get it and they get more understanding from strangers. And that's the beauty of 12-step. But on the flip side, the addict never truly understands what the family goes through the parents, the spouse, partner, lover, the siblings, the kids and don't quite see the pain and the constant stories that are being told, the lies, the BS. And until the addict can tap into the pain of the family, they really, truly don't get it. And that's where I truly understand the family when they say you know, I'm so tired of this BS, I'm so tired of not the addict not getting it or not even seeing their part.

Speaker 1: 6:55

And that is the beauty of the original 12 steps, especially when you talk about amends, when you actually go in front of amends. Why are amends so important? Why are they so valuable and transformative? It's because when someone finally goes up before another person because this has probably gone on for years is when the addict finally shows some contrition, they finally show a certain amount of humility and take responsibility. That is so powerful from the family standpoint especially from the parent, the spouse and the child's point of view, and even the sibling and best friend that you finally get it. You finally get what you were doing and you finally took responsibility for this pain.

Speaker 1: 8:00

And so that is why amends can be so important, because within the families, you're getting both things. You're getting that family love and you're getting family pain. And we have to constantly address the love that's always there, because family is usually the person that has to deal with mental illness. It's used to deal with someone that's hitting rock bottom. If someone's dealing with money issues, they need a place to live for 30 days, 60 days, six months. Family is usually picking up the pieces in most cases, and that is why there is that family love, but there's also a lot of family pain, and you know that whole thing about trying to get to the other side.

Speaker 1: 8:52

So that is why understanding is so vital from both parties, from the addict and from the family, the addict and the family Because without understanding you're never going to get anywhere. And there is so much that has already gone on where there may have been more understanding early on, or that's you know, even from the addict standpoint, understanding their own addiction, their own pain, their own trauma. Early detection, early intervention is so vital. Early intervention is so vital. Unfortunately, too many people wait until they hit rock bottom and so much destruction, so much devastation, so much pain has already gone on. So I need people to really focus in. If you want to take a headway, move forward is understanding in. If you want to take a headway, move forward is understanding and that way you can be someone like me.

Speaker 1: 10:03

When there is a wedding, or it could be birth or it could be a funeral, that you're there and you're present. You're present at the sign of life. You're there at the celebration of a wedding and love, a love union, or you're there for death and someone or someone has gone back into. You know, almost like addiction to is a is a sign of death. When they not only relapse is normal, but if you stay relapsing, you go back to your addiction. That is like a death, because now you've created all these walls again. But you know you want to be present because, in essence, life is so much more meaningful when you're there with people Smiles through the tears, through the pain and through the celebration and excitement. So I welcome more people to investigate and uncover all the feelings around family from both sides. So with that, get more understanding and then let your life become wonderful. With that we are going to end this episode of the 1% in recovery podcast.