The 1% in Recovery Successful Gamblers & Alcoholics Stopping Addiction
The 1% in Recovery Successful Gamblers & Alcoholics Stopping Addiction
A Parent's Journey Through His Son's Gambling Addiction, Matt talks about Recovery Freedom Circle
Matt bravely joins us on the 1% in Recovery podcast to share his raw and emotional journey as a parent confronted with his son's gambling addiction. What happens when the secretive nature of gambling begins to unravel the fabric of a family? Matt's story paints a vivid picture of the initial shock, grief, and overwhelming fear when confronting a problem they never imagined facing. As he and his wife grapple with the layers of financial and emotional complexity, their experiences shed light on the hidden battles many families endure, offering hope and insight for those in similar situations.
Understanding addiction is a daunting task, especially when compounded by societal stigma and the manipulative nature of gambling advertising. Matt discusses the transformative power of support groups, emphasizing the sanctuary they provide for families to share and learn. These gatherings are likened to a lifeline, where families can engage in open communication and break free from isolation. The parallels drawn between gambling and substance addiction reveal a shared struggle, highlighting the importance of recognizing the traps set by gambling's enticing facade.
As we journey through the process of recovery, the significance of family unity and finding support emerges as a beacon of hope. Matt recounts the healing power of a family vacation to Yellowstone, where nature's embrace fostered reconnection and strength. Despite the challenges of navigating the Gamblers Anonymous community, the perseverance through setbacks and the commitment to progress over perfection provide a testament to the resilience of the human spirit. By embracing support networks, families can not only find solace but also the opportunity to inspire and uplift others on their recovery path.
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Ah, welcome. Today is a treat. We're going to be talking with a parent of a gambling addict. For some people it could be a problem gambler.
Speaker 1:Welcome again to another episode of the 1% in Recovery podcast, where we encourage you to laugh every day. We have to laugh, we have to work hard, work hard in recovery, work hard in our relationships and work hard in our job, school or if you work for someone or your business. And, of course, you've got to love unconditionally. The more love you put out in the universe, the more love that's going to come back to you More than tenfold. So laugh, work, love. Remember. Recovery is beautiful, your EQ is your IQ and you cannot outthink an emotional issue.
Speaker 1:Now, what we encourage people to do in the link down below in the show notes is to join the Facebook group Recovery Freedom Circle. It's a community where everyone can participate. We can talk about the steps, talk about recovery. You can talk about whatever your dreams and goals are something motivational. It could be a question, it could be a problem, an issue, and just allow me or other people in the community to just add value so we can all grow and heal. Now we are going to jump into this week's episode. Matt, how are you doing? I'm good, excellent. Well, let's start off. Let's tell the audience one thing you love.
Speaker 2:One thing I love. Oh well, my wife and I have three sons, and something we've all loved to do over the years has been play disc golf. Are they courses? They? Are yeah, you throw frisbees in these metal baskets. We used to have to drive all over the country to go visit family and whatnot, and we would typically break up the drive by stopping somewhere and getting in a quick round of disc golf for an hour just to keep everybody sane.
Speaker 1:So you can do 18 holes in an hour.
Speaker 2:Hour and a half, so it's really quick, pretty quick.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's good. It gives you a little workout too, you guys walk in.
Speaker 2:Yes, it does.
Speaker 1:So at a typical so type. I guess they like a, is there like a par to these Par three, par four?
Speaker 2:Most of them are par three, but they do have some par fours, what's the distance?
Speaker 1:Are we talking about 200, 150?
Speaker 2:I'd say anywhere from 200 to 500 feet typically.
Speaker 1:Not bad yeah. I enjoy it and it's free.
Speaker 2:That's the big thing. It was free. That kind of got my attention Raising three boys. That's a whole lot of extra income there.
Speaker 1:That's good, all right. So let's jump in, and I know it's a shock for any, especially a parent, probably more so for a parent than a spouse when they find out someone that they love has a problem and one of your sons. You can label it either a gambling addict, you can explain in your answer, consider him a gambling addict, a problem gambler. But when you found out about your son's gambling, how did that feel and did you feel confused, like nowhere to go to for help? Just explain how all that kind of came about.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I know my wife and I had never really been exposed to addiction. I mean, we've got plenty like nobody's perfect, we have our own issues, but for whatever reason, addiction hadn't been something that we'd ever been familiar with. And so I would say the initial way we felt was just being grief because we knew how hard our boys had worked to save the money that he had lost in his gambling, and so that was a bit, I'd say, on the grieving side of trying to imagine all that hard work kind of going down the drain. And then I'd say we probably struggled with just fear and just maybe some hopelessness of trying to figure out. The more we talked to our son, the more it started to dawn on us that this was not going to be just a quick fix.
Speaker 1:It wasn't as small a problem as you may have first imagined.
Speaker 2:Correct. Yeah, I don't think we were very naive when it came to addiction.
Speaker 1:Well, let me stop right there. But the key thing is is that's the biggest issue and I want the whole audience to know about gambling, compared to drugs and alcohol especially is that gambling becomes much more secretive and there's so many more you can hide, like, oh, I'm not going to tell you. I'll tell you about these two credit cards or this one payday loan or that you know, but I'm not going to tell you about this other card because I don't want to tell you the full amount that I've lost. So most gamblers will do this. I want everyone to understand.
Speaker 1:Most gamblers will first give you a number and you've got to understand that that number will probably triple or quadruple until you get to the bottom of how much is technically owed or what is out there Depends on. It could be with bookies, loan sharks, banks, whatever it is, friends, there's all that. So I just want you to continue kind of like that. First, that initials like oh, cause no one wants to, especially no one wants to disappoint their parents, but especially it's like I'm going to minimize it and realize when it's bigger. It's like yes, what?
Speaker 2:Yes, I know there's denial going on with the gambler and the family, and so, yeah, there's always probably underestimating and trying to stick your head in the sand a bit, and so that was definitely the case for us too, as far as what we were hearing. And the further you got in, the more you realize it's even bigger than what it was when you first started.
Speaker 1:And there's that initial thing almost is like how many people know you're gambling, because then it feels like no one. I mean that that goes on and almost throughout every kind of culture don't tell your business outside the house or we don't want everybody else to know, because there's, for whatever reason. Every family deals with something. Absolutely not an addiction is the biggest of them all, but everyone's dealing with something. But it's amazing how everybody Absolutely, or anybody else to know, because somehow they were going to. It's going to be looked frowned upon. But if you came with them like saying I have cancer, no one would say, oh, why did you get cancer? But addiction, it's that whole stigma and I don't know, did you feel like you?
Speaker 1:almost had to keep it first almost like secretive, just until you kind of understood.
Speaker 2:Yeah, was like secretive, just until you kind of understood. Yeah, I mean, I'm blessed to have a a great wife and I'd say you know, I can understand how perhaps out there a spouse might have a hard time facing reality and just the two of you coming to be able to communicate about reality is that in itself is tough to just, you know, talk honestly about what what's going on. Both can finally wrap your brains around it and start to dig in and, you know, accept it and kind of educate yourself on what addiction is and how it's so easy these days to fall into it. Then it's easier to kind of not take the stigma away and start talking honestly together and thinking to collaborating together and how you can help your loved one.
Speaker 1:I agree and I have to commend both you and your wife have been very proactive and this will kind of lead into question two and we'll kind of balance question one and two. But because a lot of times, especially with the spouse, parents to a degree almost feel like, well, it's the addict's problem, go fix it, go to meetings, go to therapy, go to treatment, whatever the plan is to try to resolve the problem, people don't realize that. Question two is is both you and your wife have been to 12-step meetings that are designed for family members that are living with? Whether it's the gambler, whether it's an alcoholic, there's different types of 12-step meetings for the family members or the loved ones of the addict. Tell people that you know because I know a lot of people don't want to go to that because they feel like they're not the problem and explain your experience with those 12-step meetings as well as the help that you received or the support, or just tell, explain, so you can help people understand that it's actually a good thing and it's not something negative.
Speaker 2:Yes, I can't say enough about what a huge value and help and support that is to start seeking help outside of yourself, because my wife and I had never been to a support group before. But my goodness, what a huge help and support that's been to just start talking to others about what's going on, no judgment. You hear others share their vulnerable things that are going on and you begin to realize you're not alone. And you begin to realize how easy it is to get into addiction and you begin to appreciate.
Speaker 1:I think that's. I think that's very important because they don't underestimate how manipulative and how conniving. Because see, especially now, with casinos, sports books, all the major sports leagues saying that gambling is almost so much fun, fun. Oh, you know, you just put in $5 and you'll get $200 in these no sweat bets. You know free insurance to try to get you hooked. No different than a drug dealer. I'm telling you, casinos are no different than drug dealers. That's why they give the first bag of heroin for free and that's why your first bets are for free. They know how addictive this product is and that's, I think, confusing. So I would please continue about that. I think that probably don't realize is all this advertising. There's a reason why the gambling industry spends over $2 billion in gambling advertising. They don't spend $2 billion to try to get back $1 billion. They spend $2 billion and they get back $10 billion. That's how it works.
Speaker 2:Yeah, continue, yeah, no, I couldn't agree more on what, what a trap and how the deck is not to use cards in here, but how the?
Speaker 2:deck is so strongly stacked against. It's like probably anything, any addiction, any temptation out there Once you kind of give in, man, it is hard to break the cycle and so and then you have uh, society and marketing and so much to kind of trying to entrap you even more. So, yes, the the gamut on support groups that we started attending were huge. They still are huge. We're still going uh because it first of you don't realize you're you know it's so encouraging to realize you're not alone. Correct Also, to start hearing about others, and a lot of them are further along and they can share wisdom with you and they're going to encourage you, not to they're going to you can hear some ideas on how to prepare for you know what you, with the battle you have ahead and how you're going to have to uh, how that relationship is going to be different and how you can best help your loved one and help your family as well, to kind of uh tackle what's before you.
Speaker 1:And also but you're leading into it Also the insights you learn about yourself and your own personal growth. Yeah, and then if you're growing and then the addict is growing, it's amazing how much better the family flourishes growing. It's amazing how much better the family flourishes. Why don't you just quickly then? So after I started working, all of you guys started really trying to understand recovery. You guys took a family vacation this past summer to Colorado and how much I guess to me what I've heard is the impact of just being out in nature and how you almost like connected with God, connected with each other, and how much better it is when you are able to kind of now understand that you and the family better.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, we did. Our three sons are in their 20s, so we thought that the days of doing family vacations probably, you know, were done, thought that the days of doing family vacations probably, you know, were done, but it somehow worked out where all five of us, you know we had a five-day stretch and I probably mistold you where we went, but we actually went to. Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1:Yellowstone. Okay, yellowstone, you did go to Yellowstone. I'm sorry it was. It was my mistake. They're all beautiful. I know Colorado. You're still part of the Rocky Mountains.
Speaker 2:We were hiking and it was awesome to get away to just hang out together. It had been a few years since we had even done a trip like that. We didn't do a lot of trips to scenic, amazing places anyway in general, so that itself was just great, and Yellowstone is one of the pictures.
Speaker 1:If you've never been to Yellowstone, highly encouraged. If you really want to touch base and find out how beautiful America is, go to Yellowstone.
Speaker 2:It is. It's incredible, for sure. So it did. You're just kind of being together and I think that that helped, uh, you know, just to be together, uh, as a family, and uh, it just probably helped, added additional encouragement to everybody and and, uh, you know, help the process continue.
Speaker 1:keep the momentum going, I guess so Now question number three, and a lot of people stop at that kind of like question one and two. You know the addict, the problem person seeks help and they start getting help you, the family, you guys also go to 12 step meetings and then there's always encouraged to either somehow either find a therapist, find a recovery coach like myself, how important after you guys were looking for additional help because you explain in your own words is why you sought out additional help and how you have felt that. The Recovery Freedom Circle, how impactful that has been for your son and how compare adding to it. Explain your experience with the Recovery Freedom Circle and getting more help.
Speaker 2:Yes, I would say, tapping into the Gamblers Anonymous community. It was a huge place where we started right. We started realizing we got to, where do we go to get help? And we began realizing I wouldn't I think I'm correct in saying this Alcoholics Anonymous. I'd say there's a bigger community out there than there is for Gamblers Anonymous, correct? You've got to work harder to go find the Gamblers Anonymous.
Speaker 1:There's not as many, there's not as many meetings, there's not as many people that identify. So, yeah, you're talking probably almost 20 to 1.
Speaker 2:You've got to work harder. Even though I think it's as much an epidemic as Well, it's growing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, unfortunately, sadly, it's growing.
Speaker 2:It is. So when we kind of tapped into that and we saw the value of people and relationships and how that trumps everything quite frankly, that trumps everything quite frankly. And we started talking with people there and the various mentors, the various people who have been through a lot and are still hanging around helping people, we heard about different stories on counseling and I can see the value in that. We saw the value in that. But for us, counseling and I can see the value in that we saw the value in that. But for us, as we got to know your program, as we got to hear your story, you spent a lot of time getting to know my wife and how you've spent your 24 years, 24 years without gambling, 27 without drinking.
Speaker 2:To me that's incredible and that you are. You kind of made it your life's work to help people and in the 70 months that we have been working with you, that's it's been huge. In the 70 months that we have been working with you, it's been huge. I know, when we were getting started, I asked you if we could have a meeting. I wouldn't necessarily call it an intervention, but I think in a way maybe it was.
Speaker 2:It was Memorial Day. We grabbed our son, you with the Denny's, and just kind of talked about what's ahead, because we knew our son was not going to like it and he was going to be resist every bit and not, you know, do any kind of work whatever. It was not going to be a fun ride, but we thought, well, let's at least try to talk about it up front and that way maybe it would pave the way to make it to go a little easier. So, anyway, we finally got through the 12 steps, which is a miracle, because I know a lot of times, you know, it could take years before that ever happens. Quite frankly.
Speaker 2:I mean we were fortunate and I could. Who knows relapses, I'm sure will happen.
Speaker 1:Not necessarily, but yeah, but there's a problem. I mean, your son did so, just people up front. His son did have went back and did gamble for a couple days. But you know, everything is trained. But, like I always say, relapse is not the deal. I mean, if you've already started a program, it's no different than if you start a diet and then you lose 50 pounds and then you gain back 10 or 15. You still can move forward. Whoever your goal is, it's not the end of the world. I think too much is that that 12 step almost uh, beating of the drum is like what's your, what's your recovery date? What's your sobriety date? Who cares? Right, the question is is are you getting better?
Speaker 2:that's so true, and I'd say I'm still educating myself on understanding addiction more and I, but I agree so much on that in that, uh, if you do slip, you know, show yourself grace.
Speaker 2:You know, find, talk about it with others, that you, you know people that uh, you're so accountability partners, hopefully you got in your life and then you know, plan out a move, move ahead and stop stop beating yourself up on it. So I know, uh, the differences that we have seen, uh, after going through this, even in the midst of it, uh was staggering, okay, because, just, we saw an aware self, awareness that we had never had not seen at the level that we began seeing, I would say, self-confidence, absolutely Owning things, beginning to own things more and taking responsibility. I think, when you're in your early 20s I mean, I'm sure I and my parents drove me nuts that I wasn't accepting responsibility and not, you know, maturing by any, you know, far cry from it, but we saw maturity going on, we saw goal setting, the things that, as a parent, you just pray is going to happen, okay.
Speaker 1:But magically it doesn't Exactly, exactly and, by the way, it's you know Everyone needs some type or I always say some types of teacher, mentor, coach.
Speaker 1:You need to add in, because to put all the onus on parents is unfair. It's no different than if they were playing a sport or a musical instrument. You seek out people that know more than the parent does. So, just to finish up, I mean so because I think that's the key. The Recovery Freedom Circle is designed in 18 weeks, but usually people for work, for school, something it takes, you know, a couple of weeks more, a little longer, and that's fine. But the key thing is is that there's always homework, there's always those questions to answer, there's always accountability, because I'm always there pushing people. So answer the question you believe that spending extra money to almost like, gain more knowledge quicker was worth it?
Speaker 2:Yes, definitely the knowledge, but I think I know you want know kids and they claim they don't want, you know people talking to them or calling, but I think that that, yes, that was the difference maker that kind of rapport that you created, the care that challenged him to get it done, and so I think that was a huge part and it just encouraged him to learn the content and then, you know, begin to realize all right this, there is something to this and you know, I got to. I want to keep going.
Speaker 1:Well, here's the thing, the reason I do this. So everybody's out there. I want to keep going. Well, here's the thing, the reason I do this. So everybody's out there. So it's not just someone in their 20s, because I have clients in their 40s, I have clients in their 60s and the addict mind will say I got this. And then they will slow move through, whether they're doing the steps, the original 12 steps, or they're even in therapy and a therapist is not going to call you. But I will be on.
Speaker 1:Look, your son is no different than any of the other people in different age groups is? I'll send a text, get no response. The next day I'll push him again and then part of it may be just because they're annoyed at me or they don't want me to keep it. So they'll do it. But I know how addicts work because I was the same way. So that's the difference. And I know. Then I get, because if no one's pushing an addict, they will always try to procrastinate and I know that that's not the way to recover. I say all the time you spend too much time in your disease, in the addiction. Why take too much long in recovery? You should be able to just get all the different help and move forward. So any last words.
Speaker 2:I just would encourage people to tap into a support community. A support community it's been huge to us. I know it's important to my wife and I to try to get back moving forward. I know we're thankful for that even being in place. We're thankful for you making this part of your life work to come up with the strategies to help people like us that were desperate. We didn't know what the heck to do, and it really so.
Speaker 2:Yes, just I guess gratitude right now is and just an encouragement to people to say you're not alone, hang in there, be open and honest about it. It's not the end of the world and there's help and there's people who want to help you, and just it's. You might have to look a little bit hard to go find it, but it's out there and can kind of help prepare you for the roller coaster ride, because it really is a roller coaster ride and you know I would say that those are my parting words is find a community and tap into it and let them help you, and then maybe you can help somebody down the road. So excellent.
Speaker 1:Yes, I agree. There you hear it. Another testimonial the Recovery Freedom Circle. And with that we are going to conclude this episode of the podcast the 1% in Recovery.