Drugs, Gambling Addict Valencia Shares Her Journey: Navigating Dual Addictions, Introspection and Embracing Recovery

What if you found yourself entangled in the grip of not one, but two formidable addictions? Valencia joins us to share her profound journey through the labyrinth of dual addictions—gambling and narcotics. With raw honesty, she recounts how feelings of disconnection led her to seek solace in these vices, ultimately prompting her to embark on a dual recovery path. We explore the complexities of navigating separate 12-step programs, emphasizing the necessity of a community that truly understands the unique challenges involved. Valencia's story is a testament to the power of introspection, authenticity, and the healing embrace of nature as essential tools in recovery.

Our conversation takes a hopeful turn as we highlight the transformative power of embracing one's past without shame and looking forward to future possibilities. Life is an ever-evolving narrative, and Valencia's resilience shines through as a beacon for others who may be struggling. We underscore the importance of surrounding oneself with a supportive network that fosters growth and resilience, illustrating that with determination and the right support, dreams can indeed become reality. Join us in expressing gratitude for the opportunity to share these insights, recognizing the profound impact of community support in personal growth and recovery.

Chapters

• 0:02 Dual Addiction and Recovery Pathways
• 19:42 Embracing Recovery and Growth

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

Welcome. Today is another treat. We're going to be talking about gambling. We're going to be talking about drugs, dual programs.

Speaker 1: 0:10

Welcome again to another episode of the 1% in Recovery podcast, where we encourage you to laugh every day, to work hard. Work hard in recovery, work hard in your jobs, in your school or if you have your own business, you just got to work and work in relationships. Also, just put out more love in the universe. Love unconditionally. The more love you put out, the more love you will get back. Laugh, work, love. Remember. Recovery is beautiful. Your EQ is your IQ and you cannot outthink an emotional issue. What we encourage people to do now is to join the Facebook group Recovery Freedom Circle, where we've created a community where people can talk about their goals, their dreams, the steps, healing, recovery or something motivational, inspirational, something that they have so to share and so that we can all start living better lives, lives that are free and we can get to enjoy our life. So we're going to now enter into this week's episode, and today I have the privilege of talking to Valencia. How are you doing, valencia?

Speaker 2: 1:37

I'm good. How are you?

Speaker 1: 1:39

Excellent, wonderful Life is wonderful. Well, valencia has a lot of experience. She's been in two different programs, for gambling and for narcotics drugs. But we're going to just jump in. I always think it's always best to jump into the questions. Okay, so you're in two programs and many people like you and I everybody knows that I've had issues and no longer drinking alcohol or gambling. But you know we had a lot of people have struggled with dual addictions. Tell the audience how to be much more introspective with yourself.

Speaker 2: 2:29

First of all, thanks for having me on and hi out there. You know, introspection is something that people struggle with because there's so much going on in the world, right, struggle with because there's so much going on in the world, right, we have bills to pay, we're struggling economically, socially and other things right. However, it is everything in nature that teaches us to move more slowly, more methodically, in tune with nature, instead of kicking the pricks, so to speak. I like to meditate and I also like to take walks in nature, breathe fresh air, look at the things around me and disconnect from electronic devices, things like that. I ride my bike, but anyway, whatever it is for you, I encourage you to look clearly at yourself, and it's not about your relationship with other people, it's definitely about your connection. How is your humanity going? How is your humility going? Are you in tune with, or maybe standing in judgment of or being judged? That's difficult. When we start to look at the things in nature, we see that like-minded things go together right. There is an order to things. Order it's a symptom of what is more deeply rooted.

Speaker 2: 4:28

For myself, I was disconnected, you know, through no fault of my own right. My parents were out of the picture of my life very early, and so what I began to do is coming from that disconnected place and not finding my tribe. I started operating in other means. I started bonding with things, so I bonded with drugs, I bonded with alcohol, because they got in there and they made me feel different. And then I could sit amongst you and be okay, masking my pain, as you probably may be masking your own, but I had no idea of that until I came in and stopped running, became introspective and take a good look at myself got some therapy. I always say when we show up in our authenticity, our tribe automatically gravitates to us.

Speaker 1: 5:41

Well, also, we talked about the, since we've been in two different programs, two different 12-step programs. You know, I started back in 97 because I wanted to address alcohol and then three years later I wanted to. Then I realized I knew, I always knew I wanted to address alcohol and then three years later I wanted to do it. Then I realized I always knew I had to address the gambling because I was a bigger gambler than a drinker. Tell the audience how difficult it is to start that second program because we think, just because we have already been aware of the 12 steps we've read literature, we've been to meetings, we've shared that we can handle another addiction, especially since we both started in the non-gambling 12 steps and because we all try to do gambling in these other 12 steps, it doesn't quite work. So tell people how hard it was for you to start that second 12-step program.

Speaker 2: 6:42

That is a really great question because I really tried to sift gambling through another fellowship and it kept falling short of what I actually needed to help me to stop gambling, what I actually needed to help me to stop gambling. And you know, the gift of desperation can be very good catalyst, be a very good catalyst to help. It helped me to seek the help that I actually needed, Like maybe I should go find out how people learn to stop gambling so that I could stop gambling, because the fellowship that I was in was for stopping another addiction. And you know people might think, oh, you're going to have a string of programs. No, that's not exactly how it works. For myself, I know that If it works best if someone holds out their hand because they've been there already.

Speaker 1: 7:41

And you don't find that with most alcoholics and drug addicts. They don't know anything about the dream world of the gambler or the compulsive gambler.

Speaker 2: 7:49

Absolutely, and I think I just needed that real, relevant experience for somebody to say hey, I've been there, I understand your desperation, I understand the suffering that you're going through, and likewise I've been able to hold my hand out to other people as well. So it's an each one teach one. Love comes full circle.

Speaker 1: 8:13

Right, and it works also in the other way. Anybody that's in a gambling 12-step program if you have an issue with drinking, you might want to investigate the alcohol in your current system. Let's jump into I'm sorry, or other things. Or other things. Right, it could be, because I know a lot of gamblers that have to stay up all night.

Speaker 1: 8:36

Well, they do. There's all forms of escape. That is true, because I always say gamblers also have a proclivity to some type of sexual thing, especially from the male side. It was either strip clubs, either sex or porn, or sexual workers, something else that they have to also address and go okay, is this an appropriate way to express love? What am I, you know?

Speaker 2: 9:15

And so, yeah, always look out and try to find out different forms of how you were escaping and not being in your feelings, yes, and I wanted to add to that that that shame and degradation becomes so a part of our identity and we're trying to hide desperately from ourselves and that's why it's really important to take that introspective look. You know, gosh, this really doesn't feel like who I was meant to be or what I really want for my life. If I'm out kind of hanging out with sex workers, you know I may struggle. How do I become intimate with someone? That's where therapy can be really important and even some kind of mentor.

Speaker 1: 9:58

Correct. Let's just jump into that question too. So now you've been in recovery 10 years without any drugs in your system, three years without any gambling or betting, and it always talks about. What we're trying to do is achieve that freedom. Try to explain the audience how you now envision your future compared to where it was.

Speaker 2: 10:25

So I paint pictures, mental pictures, because that's the way I learn. So I was punching holes in my life. You know, the boat was not floating, it kept sinking, and so, as it stands now, I've learned how to kind of patch up the holes and even reinforce them so that I'm not living in this sort of fear, because nobody wants to live in fear. That's not why we come into any recovery, um 12 step model Um, we want freedom, um, and so I've learned how to kind of let the boat float, stay present not perfect present um to allow this sort of natural healing, this sort of taking some instructions, some guidance from people who have done this longer, and just kind of knowing that personally, that I have a higher power that is not me, just like nature goes along without me.

Speaker 2: 11:42

So there is definitely a power greater than myself that's out there and in here, right, so I can survive this and you can survive being introspective and just kind of living in your truth. Freedom for me is living in my authenticity, showing up kind of unapologetically for who I am. This is who I am. This is my journey. It's not perfect, but I stay present for it. And to learn and to grow. It's not perfect, but I stay present for it. And to learn and to grow each day, to smile, to laugh, to learn something new, to stay open to what is unfolding right in front of me and working at that. There is going to be work involved.

Speaker 1: 12:32

It's not just going to happen. Right, it's not just going to happen right.

Speaker 2: 12:36

There's work involved and I stay open to doing the work. I'm open-minded about it. If it caused other people to get to a freedom that they love and enjoy, it can help me to get to a freedom that I love and enjoy. And at this time, you know I'm not punching holes in my boat. My boat floats, hope floats right, and so where I see myself at this time is I'm licensed in three states to work with recovery of people that are trying to be in recovery or doing recovery, and I'm working on being a marriage and family therapist, but I also have a degree in public health. I mean, who would have thought I could get through these things right? I was staying up all night, gambling and, you know, just lying, cheating and stealing my way through life. That is no way to live. I like the fresh air, I like the freedom.

Speaker 1: 13:38

And all the knowledge. Yeah, that's the key. The knowledge is to live, and that's so perfect the way you kind of put it. You know we're talking about be present. You know we always talk about. We're just talking from a 12-step perspective 24 hours, seize the day, carpe diem, all those wonderful phrases, but it's so true, we do not. You can't live in the past. It happened, deal with it. But you can't. Constantly you want to plan. I mean, I'm a big believer in you've got to write down plans. You've got to have dreams, you've got to have goals. You have to look into the future, but you also got to live in the today, the 24 hours, and that's I did appreciate, especially when you kept saying be in the moment. I always say is you have to learn how to identify all your feelings, not just one feeling that you're having right now, because most of us my therapist told me that an adult has multiple feelings all the time- and they are not facts.

Speaker 1: 14:43

Right, they can change Right, and it's okay, like I was telling people, it's okay to be depressed for an hour. If you're depressed, you're depressed. You don't want to stay depressed for two weeks or as as that being your major feeling, but it's okay and it's. You're not going to be joyful and completely serene and you're not going to be joyful and completely serene. Something's going to happen. But I do appreciate that whole idea of saying being present.

Speaker 2: 15:09

Absolutely.

Speaker 1: 15:10

And then let's just go, because you kind of touched on it a little bit here, so let's jump into question three. So in your current profession as a mental health advocate, helping alcoholics as a recovery coach, tell the audience the need, absolutely the need, to find various sources of help.

Speaker 2: 15:32

Absolutely so. There's no cookie cutter answer, as we are all different. Just like every tree is different, every bird is different. So what I help people do is to find spaces where they can show up in their authenticity, where they are loved and supported, and that they can love and support others and that they can love and support others.

Speaker 2: 16:08

One thing is for sure we all have spiritual journeys. Yours may not look like mine, so maybe you know you're led by Buddhist principles, maybe you're led by Christianity. Whatever that religion or that spiritual practice may be, there are many right, whatever that is, to get connected with that and live in those principles. Spiritual principles are the bedrock of 12-step recovery suffering, and we can only increase our self-esteem by doing esteemable things. And so I talk about this a lot. If I'm stealing from the government or Target or anywhere other than any other place, if I'm cheating on my spouse, whatever it is any other place, if I'm cheating on my spouse, whatever it is, it's going to create shame and guilt, and that's when the integrity starts to break down. Integrity is doing the right thing when no one's watching. So building that, building on my character strengths and being open to learning new things because the opposite of addiction is connection.

Speaker 1: 17:26

Correct.

Speaker 2: 17:28

Where are my people at? Where's the space where I can support others? There's nothing better to get us out of depression than to go be helpful to someone else, which is ironic because it seems counterintuitive. But I would encourage you to try it before you maybe sit down to that steak dinner or whatever. Maybe you should go feed some homeless folks and see how much gratitude you have when you actually do return.

Speaker 1: 18:04

Yeah, those are. You know, I always say you've got to find. It's usually just not one thing that's going to get you to healing. Healing is such a complex word, like I tell people look, I was in therapy for seven years. I still go to 12-step meetings for gambling, separate 12-step meetings for alcohol, 27 years for alcohol, 24 in gambling. I still need, because they are, like you said, tribe. I call it my family, I call it my brothers and sisters.

Speaker 1: 18:43

Those are all words meaning that it's some type of intimate relationship which, as we know, addicts and obviously even a lot of other people don't truly understand what an intimate relationship is and I had to learn that from strangers. I wasn't learning that from my home. I wasn't learning that from my friends, that we were all buddies in high school or in college. Learn that from other addicts, a lot of other people that were very lonely people. That's the other kind of caveat. Gamblers are the most loneliest of people, but all other addicts, whether it's drugs and alcohol, they're very lonely people. They're trying to escape. They don't want to feel, whether it's the trauma, the childhood, the bullying, a current relationship, some type of toxicity at the workplace. I mean there's a lot of reasons why people want to escape. It's so important. Any last words here on the this week's uh podcast episode just about it could be about recovery, it could be about healing, it could be about encouragement.

Speaker 2: 19:52

anything else that you would like to to sell, tell people um, I I just encourage people to, um, you know, be unapologetic about where you've come from, be open to where you want to be, engage where you are and celebrate each day. This is not the end of your story. This is possibly the beginning, or a chapter in the middle. Yes, that's true, but you can do challenging things and you build muscle along the way.

Speaker 1: 20:38

Correct. You build muscle by challenging yourself, by pushing yourself, by pushing yourself, by getting people in your life that will love you but will also push you to greater heights. I got to tell you everybody deserves recovery. Everybody deserves whatever is in their dreams and goals. Like I said in the beginning you just verified it You're working. You work very hard for now. Everything that you achieve, but everything's possible with some sweat.

Speaker 2: 21:12

Yes, thank you for having me. I really appreciate it, no problem.

Speaker 1: 21:19

So with that we are going to end this episode of the 1% in recovery podcast.