Father Nicholas Shares Passionist Mission to Help Addicts Find Peace, Spirituality and Recovery

Chapters

• 0:01 12-Step Retreats and Passionist Priests
• 13:01 Finding Peace and Serenity in Recovery
• 19:50 Embracing Peace Through Relationships

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Have you ever wondered where to get more spirituality. Yes, it's those 12-step retreats. Welcome again to another episode of the 1% in Recovery podcast, where we encourage you to laugh every day, work hard, work hard in recovery, work hard in your relationships, work hard in your job or you work for somebody else or work in school. Just work and to love unconditionally. Just put more love out there in the world and watch much more love come back to you, encourage you. Just love more. Remember, recovery is beautiful. Your EQ is your IQ and you cannot outthink an emotional issue. To join the wonderful group, the Recovery Freedom Circle. Join the Facebook group the link is in the show notes. Just join. Share your experience with the steps with recovery. You're struggling with something, something inspirational, so everybody can chime in and help everyone. Just live their best life and just get some more out of life. Now let's jump in to this week's episode. This week we have Father Nicholas. How are you doing?

Speaker 2: 1:17

Father. Well, hello there, hugo. Thanks for having me today, excellent.

Speaker 1: 1:23

Here we are at Holy Name Retreat Center in Houston, Texas. They've had 12-step meetings here. Now this is a Catholic retreat center, so obviously there's a lot of Catholicism, there's a lot of Catholic retreats, there's Holy Thursday Mass. There's a lot of ways there's a lot of Catholic stuff that happens here. But the beautiful thing about the passionate priests, which are an order of the Catholic religion, is that they've been so instrumental and beneficial to anybody in a 12-step meeting. Now they've been here in Houston probably over 58 years holding meetings, having retreats for about 40 years. So, Father, let's first jump in. Tell the audience one thing you love.

Speaker 2: 2:15

Well, I was always a shy kid, so I love actually getting on stage and acting and being part of the drama guild. And I even wrote a play because I taught English and they say those who can't, those who can't, often teach. But I wanted to prove them wrong, so I actually wrote a play and that shy kid actually became an actor on stage too.

Speaker 1: 2:38

And I actually went to your play this past Christmas. Tell the audience the name of the play that you wrote and pretty much pushed into existence.

Speaker 2: 2:48

Sure, the name of the play is Right Angles, a Polish American Christmas comedy, and and simply just says it's a lot about that life is never a right angle, there's always twists and turns, and that life can be unpredictable. But a right angle is always predictable. And it's about a Polish immigrant family and all their struggles about being in a new country and trying to keep up with their neighbors. And for Polish people, christmas Eve is a meatless dinner and they couldn't understand why all their friends around them were eating meat on Christmas Eve. And then it goes from there.

Speaker 1: 3:30

Yes, it also sounds just like recovery and addiction. There are no right angles, it's all over the place. You go in all different directions but you get on that path of recovery and life can become so much more beautiful. Well, I always like to just jump in to the interview, so let's jump into question number one. Father, you're a Passionist priest. Help understand. You know the Passionists have been really instrumental about in recovery and addictions, in pushing retreats. Tell us a little bit something either about the history or the purpose, the mission, on why this is so central, because you got to understand there's seven passionate retreat centers in the US. Houston happens to be one of them. But, father, tell us a little bit more about the Passionists and their purpose.

Speaker 2: 4:23

Sure. Thank you, hugo. First of all, what is a Passionist? A Passionist are priests and brothers that were founded over 300 years ago by a man by the name of St Paul of the Cross, who became a saint, and we are committed to do and to go where no one wanted to do and where no man wanted to go, and so we always had that mission and mindset for over 300 years, including working in the mid-20th century with a new phenomenon called the 12-step community. Uh, it got started in late 30s and no one even knew what it was because of the anonymous nature of it, and so but the by the 1950s, the uh, even though people were very skeptical about it, the Passionists said if we can help and if we're needed, we'll do it. And so the Passionists were willing to provide safe, clean, beautiful places for men and women to come in the 12-step community to feel safe, and including right here at Holy Name and our other beautiful six other retreat centers throughout the US, right here at Holy Name and our other beautiful six other retreat centers throughout the US, to provide clergy personnel to listen to thousands of fifth steps a year. I personally hear about 100 fifth steps each year and it's a beautiful experience which is in line with the mission of the Passionists throughout the world.

Speaker 2: 5:40

We're in 68 countries. We have many retreat centers that work in recovery, work to serve the needs of what we call the crucified of today. That's where we get. For us Passionists, we take three regular vows, like every other religious community in the world poverty, chastity and obedience. But we Passionists take a fourth vow and that's promoting the passion of Jesus Christ on the cross through service to the 12-step community and preaching. And passionists understand everything. They do all their work, including 12-step community work, through the passion and suffering of Christ. So Christ suffered on the cross, his mother Mary was at the foot of the cross, and a 12-step community knows suffering and so, uh, that's true, so we.

Speaker 2: 6:29

So we invite the 12-step community to unite their suffering with christ suffering and knowing that they're not alone, that even christ himself, the son of god, suffered like, like you suffer, and so um and so that we walk with you. And that love that Christ had for all of us, that our higher power has for all of us, that's the same love that over 7,000 people that walk through these doors at our retreat center to assist them to discover and admit their higher power. And we're ready, when you're ready, for a fifth step. So the Passionist Companion, over 17 different 12-step meetings weekly in our retreat center here in Houston. And the Passionist Priests they walk side by side with you, no matter what that looks like. You know the 12-step community. Just like Christ, you carry a cross and we're there to help you carry that cross every day.

Speaker 1: 7:23

No matter how big or small that cross is. That's right. And I think we've all had a cross and we're there to help you carry that cross every day, no matter how big or small that cross is. That's right.

Speaker 2: 7:27

And I think we've all had a cross or two, more than one.

Speaker 1: 7:31

Well, I want to emphasize one point which really should showcase people to be so much more open to the passionate order in what they're doing. A lot of us had felt misunderstood by our own families, that they didn't know what to do anymore with us whether it was gambling, alcohol, drugs, food, sex, whatever the addiction is and we had to find a 12-step room to accept us. You also got to listen to what Father said. There was a lot of confusion and a lot of people giving up in the medical community and in the other religious whether they're other, just parish priests of Catholicism especially how everything started with alcohol, could understand why the alcohol couldn't just stop drinking, and it wasn't that simple. And then, of course, the other addictions. It wasn't that simple as it's not just about willpower.

Speaker 1: 8:39

We can get into the whole disease part, but I want people to really understand is how want people to really understand is how, with so much foresight, the passionates were to just help, to listen and to help people really get to know themselves better. So I encourage people wherever you are in the US, especially if you're in one of the cities, whether it's in the LA area, the Bay Area, detroit, a lot of these other places to seek out 12-step retreats. They're so instrumental. Leita Zinda's step.

Speaker 2: 9:13

And there's no fifth step that's alike. There is a unique person and that's why we're there, and maybe it's just an open door in our office or just you want to come and pie and say hello, hang out. And you know, 12-step community work is not always glamorous, it's not, but it's the right thing to do.

Speaker 1: 9:35

It is that leads us right into question number two. Question two Father, talk to us about especially, let's say here, at Holy Name, you know we're talking about step five. So many people get really stuck on step four, on writing an inventory. They don't want to be truly honest with themselves of what they've done, maybe because a lot of it is that either it could be the fear of shame, the fear of guilt, the fear of being judged, the fear of being shunned, the feel of somehow being excluded. So people get so stuck.

Speaker 1: 10:13

I've seen this over and over again and I tell people just write down a step four, write down the thing we all have like one or two biggest things that are like our big, like a hundred pound weights on our shoulders. We can get into all the other stuff. But tell us and then we come into, you know, with a sacrament of the Catholics, you know there's confession which is similar to a step five. It's a certain amount of confession on how relieving that is. Tell us the importance of why people should kind of push through that fear and almost like jump into more faith so they can really truly finish a step four and then come to you or come to a sponsor or a therapist to do a step five is really that, god, our higher power, is the glorious answer to recovery and to admit, to find your true self.

Speaker 2: 11:12

As one of our former, our passionist Father Ronan, we might have remembered to find our true self, and so a retreat is a chance to think about all those things your higher power has done for you, an opportunity to maybe meditate on what really matters to you, and a chance for some quality time to build a relationship with your higher power, because that higher power designed you and loves you, wants you to help you to be your.

Speaker 2: 11:51

You know that power can help you overcome all we are going through and that lead you to anything that maybe led you to start drinking or any harmful behavior in the first place. That actually it's, um, our lower self can only uh, um, um, find a mask it with, uh, with our addictions, but really our higher power is the answer, and so going on a spiritual retreat helps you, uh, helps you become in a relationship with that higher power, whatever that is for you right helps you get a little more self-awareness and also trying to define things for yourself, because when you're at a retreat center, there is a lot more quietness, there's a lot more stillness, there's not this distraction with TVs or wherever else is going on with your family.

Speaker 1: 12:43

You can focus just on those about what 36, 40 hours for yourself to kind of get a little more of a jumpstart on your recovery and it's something that you probably wouldn't do at home.

Speaker 2: 12:56

Give yourself 40 hours of quiet or or time. But people come on retreat for many, for varied reasons. You know, and especially, and who's on a retreat? Uh, guys who have been in recovery for for years and years and years, and then 20 somethings who are, who are on their first retreat, and so they come for for uh many reasons, whether it it be for peace of mind and heart or just fraternity, to realize that they're not alone in this journey, and to seek and also their higher power. And, like you said, that, 40 hours of peace.

Speaker 2: 13:32

And that's why the Passionists 50 years ago, they wanted to make sure also that you were comfortable and that this could be your second home. So we have private bathrooms and private rooms, so that you don't have to worry about anything else but that relationship with your higher power and to develop a relationship with the guys that are here, but you wouldn't have to worry about anything else than the good food that they serve, that are here but that you wouldn't have to worry about anything else than the good food that they serve. So it's actually your home away from home, but yet at home you don't get a lot of time just to meditate and say what really matters in this life and know that you're not alone and at Passionist we help you carry that cross of addiction on the road to recovery.

Speaker 1: 14:17

And I will add, especially here in Houston, there's three other things. There's a small desk where you can start writing about your step four or any other step. There's a big comfortable chair besides instead of your bed so you can sit there and read. You can read any big book from whatever 12-step. You can read about the 12 and 12. You can read about the Bible. You can read about the 12 and 12. You can read about the Bible. You can read about other things that you've brought in. And the other beautiful thing about being in Houston we are so close to the home headquarters of Blue Bell Ice Cream. So one of the benefits on coming here was always having Blue Bell Ice cream socials on Friday and Saturday night. But that just gives you some ideas of what's available.

Speaker 2: 15:05

And 11-acre property too, with 100-year-old trees that have been in this property and liking the Passionist Mission doing things that no other religious community wanted to do. The reason we got this property in Houston, in Bunker Hill, out in the country, as it were, because it was too far from the center downtown Houston, which is only actually 16 miles. But here it is 11 beautiful green acres, quiet acres of land, 16 miles from downtown Houston.

Speaker 1: 15:37

Right, but in the late 1940s this was considered nothing, it was just complete farmland. Now it's in a beautiful neighborhood called Memorial, but actually it perfectly leads into question number three. We say the serenity prayer at any 12-step meeting. Peace and serenity are so central to 12-step meetings, to 12-step growth. Peace and serenity are also part of any other spiritual or religious movement focus. So, Father, tell the audience why it's so important to either number one try to help define peace or define serenity from your point of view as well, as you're trying to explain to a person that either understands God or is kind of a little bit confused, and also the importance of seeking out more peace and serenity within themselves.

Speaker 2: 16:44

Well, thank you, but you know, first of all, who doesn't want peace, who doesn't want serenity. That is actually the ultimate goal of man. The end result of man is that peace and we can say that our higher power, or God, is peace and that's our ultimate end to be in relationship with him. You know, we have in Catholicism we have an expression that became famous by Pope Paul VI, who's now been canonized as saint, but he was the Pope in the 1970s and he says if you want peace, you got to work for justice and for right relationship, relationship first of all, starting with yourself, because we're so much, we're always wrestling with ourselves or disappointed in ourselves, but you got to be with peace with yourself. So, first of all, if you want peace, you got to work for right relationship, starting with yourself and with a relationship with your higher power, relationship with other people.

Speaker 2: 17:42

So actually, peace doesn't rely on success. Peace won't, you know, success won't give you a piece, but it's what really matters is that relationship with others and the people that you meet, the people that you work with your own families, and to do that you can't wait till the 11th hour before your higher power calls you home. The time is now. You got to do it now. So if you want peace, work for right relationship and starting with yourself and realizing that you're not alone in that, and at least from a Catholic perspective. We call christ is the prince of peace. So when you develop that relationship with, with whoever that higher power is with you, he is going to lead you, uh, to peace, right. And peace happens when you correct every relationship in your life, including with your, starting with yourself.

Speaker 1: 18:39

I love that Correct. To me that explains so much. You know, peace is really at the central and, as people do know, know you know the last two episodes. I have shared a couple things about my mother who just has passed on February 2. And the one thing I can say when people ask me how are you doing, how are you feeling, and I say you know what gives me such great joy, I know at the very end my mother had peace, she was peaceful and she was ready to go and she had myself, my brother and his two daughters, her two granddaughters. So she had her two sons and her two granddaughters at her side as she took her last breath and had a ticket to heaven.

Speaker 1: 19:29

And that to me is a beautiful way to go and that just gives me a lot of relief and it helps in the grieving process. It helps in just understanding what. You know, how our family is going to go into this year and beyond. You know, on holidays we just celebrated her birthday, so it was nice to have she got her 90th. But I say peace and I encourage everyone seek out more peace now while you're living, peace now while you're living, and keep and try to like. Like father says, fix all those three important relationships relationship with yourself, relationship with your higher power and relationship with others, because that's how you're going to get to live your best life. Say that you know, feel that life is wonderful, father. Any last words?

Speaker 2: 20:14

well, this life that you talk about, you know you just went through a grieving uh, probably, but also an appreciation of your mom, right? But uh, the one last thing if, uh, as passionists, one thing that our founder, over 300 years ago, said that your life is going to be filled with, do always expect some that your life is going to have suffering, your life is going to have, uh, sacrifices to be made, that your life is going to have crosses, but to know that, like you said, that you're not alone in that. But the minute you think that your life is going to be completely, um, uh uh, stress-free, sacrifice-free, suffering-free, that's when anxiety happens and you'll never have that peace, because, but if you realize that, yeah, there's a possibility that my life was going to have crosses in it, but know that you've got people around you to carry that cross and we're here to help you carry a cross during your grieving process too and reach all of it.

Speaker 1: 21:15

Thank you, father. And with that we are going to end this episode of the 1% in Recovery podcast.