The Essence of Recovery Step Four - Investigation

Struggling with Step Four because it feels like a moral courtroom? Try a different door: investigation. We walk you through a detective-style approach that replaces vague guilt with clear facts, measurable progress, and quiet courage. Instead of outthinking pain, we show how to observe it, name it, and organize it—so your brain can finally rewire toward peace.

We dig into two often-overlooked pillars of recovery: financial and moral inventories. If gambling, substances, or secrecy created debt, a spreadsheet becomes a lifeline. Listing every card, loan, and tab reduces shame’s fog and gives you a map out. On the emotional side, we trace how childhood bullying, family bankruptcy, and complicated sexual histories shape adult coping, intimacy, and self-worth. There’s room for humor, too—because laughing at the chaos helps you stop running from it.

Throughout the conversation, we return to a simple truth: your EQ is your IQ in recovery. You cannot outthink an emotional issue; you can only feel it honestly and act with clarity. That’s why we emphasize practical tools, from a free recovery growth scorecard to step-by-step questions that strengthen new neural pathways. By reframing Step Four as curious inquiry, you learn to love your story without excusing harm, repair what you can, and prepare for the healing power of Step Five.

If this resonates, subscribe, share with someone who needs it, and leave a review with your biggest insight. Then grab the free Recovery Growth Scorecard at www.lifeiswonderful.love and start your investigation today.

Chapters

• 0:01 Welcome And Core Principles
• 0:38 Free Scorecard And Brain Healing
• 1:33 Step Four Reframed As Investigation
• 3:15 Financial And Moral Inventories
• 4:50 Personal History And Humor In Pain
• 7:15 Sex, Shame, Learning, And Honesty
• 9:36 Becoming Your Own Detective
• 11:22 Loving Your Story And Moving Forward
• 12:27 Close And Next Step Five Tease

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:01

Why do people struggle so much with step four? Unwilling to move forward? Welcome again to another episode of the 1% in recovery podcast, where we encourage you to laugh every day. Work hard, work hard in recovery, work hard in your relationships, work hard in your business, job, school. Just work. And also to love unconditionally. The more love you put out there, the more love will return. Always remember, recovery is beautiful. Your EQ is your IQ, and you cannot outthink an emotional issue. Encourage people to do is to download the recovery growth scorecard. This is a free scorecard. Just go to the website www.lifeiswonderful.love L O V E. You go, you get the uh scorecard so you can start to recover immediately and start to heal your brain. Start to do get that natural dopamine, endorphins, serotonin, oxytocin. We have to change the brain, the neural pathways. Just get the scorecard. Most of them are free. Now, let's jump in to this week's episode. The essence of step four is investigation. See, we're gonna keep going back. The we gotta understand is why do so many people struggle with step four? Why do so many people struggle with the 12 steps if they are so life-changing? Why does such a small, minuscule number actually heal and repair? A lot of it has to do with the word choice, the way things are written, and what is the ultimate outcome? The ultimate outcome of working the steps is freedom from addiction, peace in your heart, serenity, no longer fighting with yourself and others. That is the essence. So then you have to get to it. Step one, we said you have to embrace change. Step two, you have to understand what is safety, because you cannot open up emotionally or even logically, mentally, until you feel safe. And then step three, it's about acceptance. You got to accept your story and just love your story. I love my story, which comes in here to step four, which is investigation. Now, a lot of people say, no, it's about an inventory. Yes, you can depends on which 12-step program you are working, you're going to do different inventories. For the most part, everyone wants to talk about moral inventories necessary. If you're dealing with gambling, you're also doing a financial inventory. You gotta uncover all the different credit cards, loans, payday loans, any other vehicle of where you've amassed debt. Not saying that alcoholics and drug addicts and other people with uh problems don't accumulate debt, they do. So it's also important. But the investigation, and part of the investigation is you truly have to now start being honest with yourself. We all know all the different vehicles, like everyone says, Well, I was drunk, I don't, or I quite don't quite remember some loan or some phone call to some friend. If you spend a little time, you can review all the people you have borrowed money from or institutions that you went to. It is necessary to kind of get a grasp and just put it in a spreadsheet. You're not gonna pay out all your debts in 30 days, more than likely, not even a year or two. Uh because if you're a serious addict, you've incl you accumulated serious debt. But it also took years to accumulate this debt. You borrowed money, big money, depends on your sources. The key is is more money than you were able to start bringing in. So if you got in a hole, you were in a hole. But you probably gotta get a this investigation, like in step four, because it's some of this is going to be about growing up. Being bullied. In my case, being bullied, family stuff, family bankruptcy, as I got older, sexual stuff in my twenties, whether it was sex, pregnancies, abortion, homosexual acts, heterosexual acts, and all that entailed, as well as all these other adventures that led me to jail, that led me to constant fighting or relationships that ended either prematurely or lasted too long. And now almost every one of these stories has a humor element. So I encourage everyone to laugh every day. If you can't laugh at the stupid stuff you've done, then you're going to have problems. Now, look, when I was in first grade and I got bullied about my name, I understand why everyone laughs. Back then, even now, when I tell them I got bullied for my name, Hugo, an older kid on the bus would say, Hugo, then I go, then we all go. And everyone, everyone even now still thinks it's funny. I get the humor. But when you're one year, when you're one, when you're in first grade and you're six years old, it hurts. It hurts to the core. You start just hating yourself. And the problem is you start getting low self-esteem. You start hating yourself, hating your name. That's no way to go through school and life hating your name or your background. You know, I was the son of immigrants. My parents are from Bolivia in South America. And also being proud to be able to speak Spanish and understand the Latino culture. But the thing is, is now I can understand the humor. Same thing about uh family bankruptcy. I was a senior in between my junior and senior year in high school. And I was a part, my parents filed personal and business bankruptcy in the mid-80s, and I was going to one of the premier prestigious all-boys, even the co-ed private schools here in Houston. Yet my family was bankrupt. Now I can see the humor in it, the irony that I was still able to pursue a rigorous academic career, but had to deal with all the feelings about a family bankruptcy, going, You're broke, but at least I was being challenged mentally. I mean, didn't have much money for much anything else, uh, but at least I was still able to go to a private school. Relationships, the ups and the downs, the laughters, the fights, the insane fights, sex, you know, being able to be woken up with a blowjob, but unfortunately it wasn't with a woman, it was with a guy. That's the homosexual event and also the humor. That as a guy, we always think that that would be a great way to wake up, and it is, but you better know who is doing the sexual act because it can turn ugly and start looking at like, well, how the fuck did I get this situation? Uh, even with heterosexual, even having great sex, and I can look at that and smile. You can talk about good sex and be, okay, at least that was good sex. And look back at the bad sex, where I was the reason there was bad sex, or I went into a situation and ended up being bad sex because I didn't know how to extract myself from the situation. And now I can see the humor and go and put a smile on. You know, we all think we're great lovers. I can tell you that like everything else, it's a learning curve. Uh, there's a lot of things I did wrong in the bedroom. I understand why either women never called me again, or we never went out again, or we broke up. Uh, because I was an idiot and I had to learn how to be better. Uh and you know, you've got to, that's the whole thing about step four. If you look at this as an investigation and an honesty, because we're gonna go in to step five. And you know, and step five is truly where you feel like you are growing up, you are becoming more open, you are actually healing. The essence of step five is healing, but we'll get to understand more about that next week. But right now it's investigation. And pretend you are a Columbo or some type of forensic detective or forensic accountant, and you're looking at all the numbers and you're reviewing all your life and you're writing things down, whether you're doing things in a column, whether you're writing it out longhand, however, you're doing it, you've got to enjoy the process. That's why I am very specific in words that I use with people that work with me. It's about building someone up, but also not cutting corners. We are gonna uncover all this emotional baggage, all these blocks, all this trauma, all the stuff that has held you back. So then you can move forward and start loving your life. You've got to love your story. I can't, I cannot stress this enough. You cannot be free of an addiction until you love your story. And the only way you can love your story is to embrace investigation, is to embrace honesty during investigation, and then eventually start dealing with everything that's on paper or everything that you need to deal with in this so-called uncovering. It's almost like you're gonna start to awaken everything that you try to hide, either skeletons in the closet, stuff that you try to throw under the bed, uh, in between the mattress, some secret hiding spot in the backyard in a mason jar, however else you want to do it. But the important thing is that this is really a step where you can move forward. And, you know, the 12 steps explained, I'd lay everything out and 72 questions, so you can move forward and really understand yourself better. Because the only way to get freedom is unless you truly understand yourself. And look, over 25 years, I have figured out a lot of reasons why people have stumbled. And I don't want you to stumble. I want you to flourish, I want you to soar, I want you to fly and enjoy life. So, with that, understand that the essence of step four is investigation. Investigation through honesty, investigation through uncovering what you need to uncover. And with that, we are going to conclude this episode of the 1% in recovery podcast.