The Essence of Recovery Step Seven - Others

If recovery feels like a private project that never quite lands, here’s the hinge that changes everything: Step Seven turns the work outward. We walk through why humility isn’t self-erasure but a daily commitment to practice better traits, strengthen character, and serve people you love and live with. The shift from “fixing defects” to “building virtues” frees you from perfectionism and focuses your energy on reliable action that others can feel.

We map the arc of the steps to show the true pivot. Steps one through six build your inner core: change, safety, acceptance, honest inventory, and healing. From there, Step Seven opens the door to others—real amends, practical kindness, and a steady presence at home, at work, and in community. We share how simple habits raise emotional intelligence and stabilize mood chemistry so motivation lasts: morning gratitude on your knees, scheduled routines, talking to your subconscious, and setting goals that align with service. Instead of chasing quick wins, you anchor integrity in repeated behavior.

You’ll hear how this outward lens rewires the rest of the path: Step Ten becomes daily harmony-keeping, Step Eleven deepens contact with a higher power to serve more wisely, and Step Twelve carries the message by living as proof that emotional work works. The result is a recovery that people can trust—less defensiveness, more maturity, and a consistent, calm presence. If you’re ready to move from inward repair to outward responsibility, this is your roadmap to a meaningful, sustainable life.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome And Core Theme
• 0:39 Recovery Growth Scorecard And Motivation
• 1:47 Essence Of The Steps Framework
• 2:53 Why Step Seven Means Others
• 4:38 Humility, Knees, And Daily Practice
• 6:18 Turning Outward: Service And Amends
• 9:18 Living The Change And Closing

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:02

The essence of step seven. Others. Let's jump in. Welcome again to another episode of the 1% in recovery podcast, where we are laughing every day, working hard, working hard in recovery, working hard in relationships, working hard in your job, business, school, just work. And to love unconditionally. Just put much more love out there and watch much more love return. Why? Recovery is beautiful. Your EQ is your IQ. And you cannot outthink an emotional issue. Now, what we are encouraging people to do is to download the recovery growth scorecard. This is how you build life-sustaining recovery. Day in, day out, you are building up oxytocin, endorphins, serotonin, dopamine. You are doing the things that you need to do to keep moving forward, which leads into your schedule, which leads into talking to your subconscious, which leads into your goals and dreams. This is how you stay motivated for 28 years as well as 25 years for years truly. We're talking about alcohol or gambling, and really getting you to the foundation. The link is in the show notes. Just go to the website, lifeiswonderful. Now, let's jump into this week's episode. As we know, we are in talking about the essence of the steps. What is really each step about? Everyone wants to believe is what they've heard in 12-step meetings. And there's some good information there. But ultimately, people struggle. And they shouldn't struggle because it's not explained the way it should be explained. Step seven is about others. That is the essence. You start thinking outside of yourself. When I rewrote the 12 steps into the 12 steps explained, I said the step seven is the turning point, which is true. Now let's go think about the first three. Essence of the steps. Now the first six are inward-looking, they're all about you. Steps seven through twelve is about outside of you. What is going on outside of you? Because recovery is about the inside and the outside self. So when I talk about the true essence of step one, it is about change. You have to change something in your life. Otherwise, you're going to go nowhere. And the only way you truly change is when you jump into step two, is that you feel safe, and then you go into step three and you accept whatever needs to be done. Which then, of course, you start then, okay, well, you gotta then now do more work. And that's why the essence of step four is investigation. You've got to just really get into that. Step five, of course, is about healing. If you're not healing, you're not truly growing. And then, of course, you know, we talk about, you know, the essence of step seven, you know, is about, you know, character, it's about growth, it's about finally building that foundation of who you truly are, which leads us to step seven. Why is step seven about others? Is because truly now the way the original step was written is we humbly ask God to remove these shortcomings. Like I said, you can't remove uh defects. What you can do is you can improve upon good character behaviors, good character traits, excellent spiritual principles. That's how you ultimately remove things by acting better, doing better, doing the next right thing. So when we ask God, what you're truly doing is you are humbly. Now, when we say humbly is I don't know why people struggle. And it took me years to really get this. But I went back to childhood. My mother was really good in the beginning when I was a small child. That before we got into bed, we got on our knees on the side of our bed and we prayed before we jumped into bed. We would always say a Hail Mary in Spanish. So my thing is that I've got to get on my knees every day in the morning. What better way to start your day than being in gratitude, thanking my higher power, thanking God, thanking the great mystery for number one, life, that I'm able to have life. And the number two best thing is relationships. That's what seven and these other steps are about, is how we deal with others. So we've got to appreciate others. And then, of course, we've got to just appreciate our own. You know, we've all been given gifts and talents, and we've also been given the ability to work. So get your ass, start working, doing something productive. That is how you get the most out of life. You know, everyone always goes, oh, I want to be retired, I want to have all this fun, I want to have all this money. Well, your life's gonna be unfulfilling. If you're working on something, whether that's and it should be on all of it, working on your mind, your body, your spiritual life, your business, your money, your career, relationships, you've got to just be working, uh, taking care of your home, your car, anything. That is work. You've got to really do all that necessary work. And that is where we humbly, but you've got to get on your knees. So knees, when I talk about getting on your knees, it's it's the work. Everyone wants to do this passive-ass uh prayer like I did for a number of years, in between um a small child until my early 50s, uh, you know, spending a good 35 plus years just, you know, praying either while I was laying in bed or behind the steering wheel or in meetings. And I have to work. Just like I can't just, you know, do a little bit of stretching in bed. No, I got to get out of the bed to actually stretch and actually, you know, be flexible and then actually work out. Um, you've got to be much more proactive in things. And so that's I firmly believe that if you get on your knees, you're humbly asking. I don't know what this big deal is about why it's so hard for people to get on their knees. Uh, knees is a sign of respect. It's me respecting my higher power, respecting God, and just saying, hey, thank you. Is it really that hard to say thank you for having life and then having the ability, like we say, we have 24 hours to do the best we can. So, really, step seven is truly about then starting to think, okay, what we need to do for others. How can we be there for our spouse, for our committed partner, for our parents, our siblings, our kids, our cousins, our friends, our clients, anybody that we work with. How can we really elevate their life? How can we make their life better? That's how we start thinking. Because if you really look out, let's just look at the original 12 steps, because a lot of people like to constantly go back to them. And, you know, like I said, there's a lot of good information there. You know, in the beginning, you were talking about, you know, you got to admit that, hey, you got a problem, you got to start talking two and three about, you know, I've come to believe and I'm gonna turn my will. You know, it's a lot of this inward stuff. You know, it's talking about what type of higher power is working within you. You know, first you know, I got to identify, okay, okay, I got to do something different. Then you got to start talking about that higher power. And it leads us into the the way the original steps are uh four, five, four, five, and six. You're talking about making an inventory, making a list, putting that on paper, then actually going to a sponsor, a therapist, uh, someone, uh it could be a recovery coach, someone, you know, and you've got to unload, you've got to get that stuff out of your body. You've got to say whatever happened, all that stuff. And then, of course, in six, which I don't like, is you know, you gotta list your character defects. You know, the way I say it is is you gotta list your character traits on who you're trying to become. And now seven, eight, and nine is truly about number one, if we're humble enough to go before our higher power and say, okay, I gotta start making stuff right. I gotta take care of my shit, I gotta take care of my uh side of the street, I gotta move it forward. So we start making a because then eight and nine, we make a list of you know, who we offended, who we hurt, nine obviously going in front of them. And we'll get into those essence. And then step ten is truly how can we constantly be there? How can we wake up every day and go, how am I gonna bring harmony to my world? How am I going to make my world better? That is always thinking about others. Maybe it's a small thing about opening the door of a stranger as you're entering some type of store, whether it's uh some type of smile or compliment, something other bigger, you know, something that means to you. And then we go into 11 and 12, those truly about others. A lot of people think it, you know, 11 is about improving your conscious contact. It's improving your conscious contact with a higher power so you can be of greater service to others. And then 12 is actually carrying the message by being a miracle of recovery. B saying that you actually did emotional work. You actually did the work, so then you don't people don't have to be scared that you're gonna be number one, unreliable. Number two, act immature. Number three, uh, just be really insecure and defensive when someone says something about you. So we gotta eliminate that. So we keep coming back. Step seven, I keep saying step seven is this turning point. A lot of people kind of even can get to this point and just stop. You've got to realize step seven is a beautiful step. And there's much more to it than just being humble, but it's really starting to really change your mindset into becoming this bigger person and thinking of others and doing all these wonderful things for others. So I encourage people work step seven. Understand the essence of seven is others. You start thinking of others, and then we're gonna jump in. We're gonna start moving fast with the essence of eight and nine here next week. With that, we're gonna conclude this episode of the 1% in recovery podcast.