Voices To Victory Author Tara Talks Crack, Sexual Abuse, Journaling and Recovery

Crack addiction doesn’t just wreck your body, it rewires your relationships until the only “friend” left is the next hit. We’re back on the East Coast and talking with Tara from Charlotte, North Carolina about the realities of crack cocaine recovery and cocaine detox, including the part people fear most: withdrawal. Tara breaks down how cocaine can masquerade as a social drug while crack turns into a fast, isolated chase, and why the battle often feels less physical and more like your brain demanding more at any cost.

From there, we go deeper into trauma-informed addiction recovery. Tara shares how sexual trauma at 15, the fallout of a small-town rumor mill, and years of compounded stress set the stage for using as escape and “motivation.” We talk about why simply stopping a substance is not the same as healing, and why the “fix me and send me home” approach to rehab fails when the real drivers stay untouched.

We also get practical about tools that actually help: journaling for recovery, telling the truth on paper when denial tries to edit the past, and building a foundation through character strengths and spiritual principles. Tara explains how that inner work led her to write her book, Voices To Victory, and why sharing your story can invite others out of silence.

If you’re trying to get sober, support someone you love, or understand crack vs cocaine, this is a powerful listen. Subscribe, share this with someone who needs hope, and leave us a review with the biggest takeaway you’re walking away with.

Tara Peterson

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Transcript

Welcome Back And Meet Tara

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Yes, we are back on the East Coast. Gonna be talking to someone in North Carolina. We're gonna be talking about trauma. We're gonna also be talking about crack. We're gonna also talk about journaling. Welcome again to another episode of the 1% in recovery podcast, where we encourage you to laugh every day, to work. Work hard in recovery, work hard in relationships, work hard in your job, business, school, just work. And to love unconditionally. Put much more love out there and watch much more love return. Because as we always say, recovery is beautiful. Your EQ is your IQ, and you cannot outthink an emotional issue. Now, what we encourage people to do is to go to the website life iswonderful. Download the free recovery growth scorecard. That's where you start your healing journey, where we actually introduce natural dopamine, serotonin, endorphins, oxytocin. You've got to change that neuroplasticity transmitters in your brain and start living differently. Now, help me welcome Tara all the way from Charlotte, North Carolina. How are you feeling today, Charlotte? I mean, Tara.

SPEAKER_02 1:25

I'm good at you guys. Thanks so much for having me. Um, really excited to be here and share some of my journey and and hopefully help inspire somebody struggling out there.

SPEAKER_00 1:37

Excellent. So tell the audience one thing you love.

SPEAKER_02 1:41

Well, I have always loved traveling. Um, I love it even more now that I can actually remember the places I go and enjoy the the everything the place has to offer instead of just focusing on like the tiki bar at the pool. So it's been awesome.

SPEAKER_00 2:01

So what was the last well I answer this. What was the last trip you were on? And what is your either one that's already planned or where you hope to go sometime here in 2026?

SPEAKER_02 2:15

Oh, sure. Uh last trip I was on was Riviera Maya, Mexico over the winter. Um, I also went to South Padre Island to visit my dad. Okay. Um, where do I have planned? Uh I'm going to Tennessee this weekend or next weekend. Um that's gonna be exciting. And then what part of Tennessee?

SPEAKER_00 2:40

Because that could be you can be on the smokies, or you can be all the way to Memphis.

SPEAKER_02 2:44

I think it's Nashville. I'm going for my uh my nephew's baseball.

SPEAKER_00 2:49

Oh, okay. Well, that should be fun.

SPEAKER_02 2:52

That'll be fun, some family time. Um, but my my dream vacation is Costa Rica. I'm gonna get there.

SPEAKER_00 2:59

Okay, excellent. Excellent. Yeah. My last trip, I had to I went to New York in March. Went to the city for uh a weekend, somewhat business, but then also got to explore and just went to some uh good uh eat some good New York pizza, went to some good New York uh some delis and just uh enjoyed spending a couple days in in the city.

SPEAKER_02 3:23

Yeah, I have uh that's on my bucket list too. I've been to a lot of states, but New York's not one of them yet.

SPEAKER_00 3:28

Uh best best best in terms of things to do, there's so much to do. There's the you can't cannot not have something interesting to do.

Crack And Cocaine Withdrawal Truths

SPEAKER_00 3:42

All right, let's jump into the questions. Okay, you dealt with especially the the big white powder, whether that's crock cocaine, whether that's cocaine. Now, a lot of people always get scared of withdrawals, they get scared of recovery, they get scared of they always use that as an excuse why they have to actually keep doing it. Talk to us about especially the withdrawals on what, first of all, you know, it's important to det we have to detox our body. There's no way to heal until you detox. And the only way to detox is to withdraw. First, talk to us about the differences between crack withdrawals, cocaine withdrawals, and just detoxing withdrawals in general.

SPEAKER_02 4:27

Sure. Um, so let's see. The it's kind of hard for me because I have been through strict cocaine sessions, strict crack sessions, and a lot of times I'll do cocaine, it'll turn into crack. Um, the very last time I was in rehab, I was back and forth between the two the entire day, mostly cocaine. But what I will say is what I've like, I personally have ADHD. So with that, um, the stimulants don't necessarily hit me the same way that they would hit a lot of other people. Um, in certain cases, I've you know done a line and gone to bed. Like that wasn't that big of a deal. Um, cracks definitely different. Um, cocaine's a it's still tough, it's very tough. Um, because it's not a physical withdrawal that you're going through. It, I mean, your your brain is telling you go get more. It no matter what.

SPEAKER_00 5:35

Go get more coke or go get more coke.

SPEAKER_02 5:38

I'm talking about coke right now, but both. Um so it's a little, it's a little I don't want to ever say it's easy, but versus crack. Crack gets its hooks in you. Um it it doesn't want to let go. Um, it's more of a you have to versus an impulse that you're gonna do it. Um you feel very, very drawn. I I feel like it just had its hooks in me.

SPEAKER_00 6:10

But you feel that do you feel like coke is more of like a drug? Because a lot of I did I did coke in like marijuana. I never did crack. I I tried to find some ecstasy, you know, Molly, never did it, but I I was interested. Do you feel that so you what you're saying is is the cocaine is almost like grabbing or the the highs on cocaine affect your brain almost differently than the highs of crack, the way you're almost constantly because I always say the the crack high is shorter than the cocaine high.

SPEAKER_02 6:49

Is that so you're constantly chasing the next hit as soon as you're coming, and it's it's you hit it hard and fast, it comes on fast, but it goes away a lot quicker too.

SPEAKER_00 7:01

They even say as quick as like 15-20 minutes, you get high, and then almost like you want, you're so yeah, you're you're almost like in this almost like coma, thinking that I got to get more crack.

SPEAKER_02 7:15

Definitely 100%. Um, and and coke, I would say, is more like you can do it socially. You can go to the bar, to the club when you're using, and anywhere and and use.

SPEAKER_00 7:29

That was that was my experience. Right. Go go hit some coke, let's go to the late night balls. It gets you up versus right, keep you going, whether whether you're drinking or dancing or something, right? That was the whole idea when I did it. Um to just keep going.

SPEAKER_02 7:46

Yeah, and I think isolation is the biggest thing that addicts face is withdrawing from the social aspect. So when you turn to crack and the the main thing about it is it pulls you into like a recluse hiding. Like you don't want to be around anyone, you want to keep it to yourself, you don't want people to know it's shameful, it's it's not a cool quote unquote drug whatsoever.

SPEAKER_00 8:13

Um because it's interesting because even people who like do heroin usually do heroin around other people. So it's almost like saying, like, you know, crack, because I always say like gamblers, you know, they're complete isolationists. No one wants to know how much you're gambling. And you're almost saying, like, and you know, the cocaine brain crack and the gambling brain lights up the same way. They're the only two that light up the same way. And what you're saying is the crack does that isolationist uh within you.

SPEAKER_02 8:47

It sure did for me.

SPEAKER_00 8:49

Well, I think that's true, because I I everything that I've always either seen or talked to, it always seems like, you know, the only people that crack people are talking to is their dealer to get more rock.

SPEAKER_02 9:03

Yeah. When I moved to North Carolina, my dealer was my only friend. And like she would be like, hey, hang out a little bit. And I'm like, no, no, I gotta get out of here. But she'd be like, How's your kids? How's your how's your family? You know, and it was like after I after I got clean, I almost missed her a little bit. I'm like, I should see how she's doing. And then I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, no.

SPEAKER_00 9:27

And how long you told me that you had two different stints with crack. You had one like at 19, and that lasted like a year.

SPEAKER_02 9:34

Yeah, it was about a year.

SPEAKER_00 9:35

Um, I got and then tell people how did so what happened that you needed to stop or that you're sure.

SPEAKER_02 9:43

Um, I mean, I've always had

How Crack Drives Isolation

SPEAKER_02 9:45

like reasonably grand aspirations and wanted to make something out of my life. Um, the I got involved with a guy. Um, it started with cocaine. He ended up actually talking me into uh becoming a stripper to support his cocaine habit and develop mine. Um one day I came home and he handed me a crack pipe and I didn't know what to do with it. He held it up to my lips and he turned it and he lit it and he's like, just breathe in. And like I was hooked immediately. I thought, oh, I loved that feeling. So we went on with that for I don't know, six months or something. And we ended up actually getting robbed. Um, somebody broke into my apartment while we were in there doing drugs, um, drugs and money on the table. Like uh, we were planning a move uh to Phoenix for you know his job. So long story short, we kind of moved around a little bit, Phoenix, then Florida, kind of chasing, you know, the next adventure, the next what we're gonna do to make it. And in Florida, um we were living together. We ended up doing a business. Uh, we started a hot dog stand and hired some girls, and uh, we had a lot of fun with it. Um, but he started stealing all the money and doing drugs on his own. After at that point, I was like trying to stay away from it at times, but um, I got pulled back in and he ended up so bad one day, and I was done. I had had it. I'm like, I this is it for me. I'm done. So after we ended like our night, our binge night, I drove to church. It was a Sunday morning, and I just sat in the parking lot. I was afraid to go in, and then I did, and I walked in the church, and it was I felt so awkward, out of place, but I just sat there and I just cried and just kind of tried to feel something. And it must have worked because um I had asked God, you know, help me, help me stop. But I ended up going back home and and he was my my partner at the time. He was begging me, just I need one more. And I, of course, at that point I had caught on to him stealing the money, so I was trying to hide it and keep control over it. Um, he ended up getting, you know, to the point where he's like, Come on, come on, just one and then we're done, I swear. And so I said, you know what? Here's the deal. I held up a hundred dollars and I said, It's yours, you can take it, but I'm gone. And he didn't even hesitate. He looked down, he grabbed the money, and he went. And I just grabbed everything I could in that moment. I had a little bit of strength, grabbed everything I could, packed my car, and I just drove straight back to Wisconsin. That's where I grew up. And uh I was able to get away from it. I mean, I it it was a little hard. Um, with earlier talking about withdrawals, when I stopped that time, it was still like nagging me. But luckily for me being in Wisconsin, I tried to get it. I asked around, nobody knew where to get that. Um, I didn't think to ask anybody for Coke because I just wanted crack and I had no idea how to make it out of Coke or anything at the time. Um, so the withdrawal physically I was fine. It was mentally and um just the desire was there. And after getting clean from that, I just kind of went on, you know, living my life and made it quite a while. So that was the 19th stint.

SPEAKER_00 14:03

No, that's important. Uh yeah, because some people always, you know, you know, that that's whatever the addiction is. It doesn't, it's always that, you know, even when you want to stop, you your brain plays those tricks on you and tries to lure you back in. Well, let's go to kind of question two, so to help kind of balance.

Trauma As The Root Of Relapse

SPEAKER_00 14:25

You went through trauma. You went through, you told me, sexual trauma at the age of 15. Combining all that, the the sexual trauma, as well as obviously we we've talked about the drug use, and then of course, you know, it could be toxic relationships, all these things. Tell the audience really kind of what, you know, how important it is to almost uh, you know, the necessity to kind of like deal with the trauma to kind of get free, because a lot of people want to stop addiction and don't want to even go back to what happened in childhood, what happened in real, you know, in current or just past recent relationships, or certain certain things around, you know, financing, the way people grew up with family. You know, tell us about the um, you know, just how necessary it is to deal with trauma to be free from addiction.

SPEAKER_02 15:27

God, it is so important. Um, for me, all of the compounded trauma from, you know, being sexually assaulted by actually a really close friend of mine, and then having my entire small town high school kind of turn against me and whisper behind my back and having to move schools to live with my dad. And um I got pregnant as a teenager, had to raise a son, all of the stuff that was compounding. Um, just I just wanted to run from it. So I just kept going and I kept pushing. And uh it led me to keep using because for me, cocaine was like a motivator. So once I got back into it, it kept me going and never did I deal with any of the the trauma. I don't even think I went to therapy through any of it. Um, once I got sober, I've tried rehab three times. And the first two, I just wanted, you know, I just showed up. I'm like, fix me, send me home, you do the work.

SPEAKER_01 16:37

Fix me. Yeah. You fix me. Yep.

SPEAKER_02 16:43

And uh it didn't work, obviously, because there was still a third stint in rehab. Um, but that time I I just I had you know, asked God, I said, God, you're gonna have to do this. Because even though I knew I had to do the work, I couldn't do it on my own will. Um, so once I went to treatment with an open mind, I leaned in, I did every journaling, every, you know, worksheet, every group, I did the horticulture. I was like watering the plants happily. I have the brownest thumb you've ever seen. And I'm like out there, I'm doing everything because I'm gonna get it this time. And in just opening up in treatment and really reflecting inward, I realized there was a lot of stuff that I just hadn't dealt with. And I remember the first time I met with my counselor, I went to him with literally a list. I said, you know, it was in my head, but I said, I have all these things I need to fix. This is what's wrong with me. You know, I'm I'm this, I'm that, I do this, I do that. I and I just listed and then it hit me. I said, I don't think 30 days is enough time to get all this handled. And he looked at me and he said, Tara, that's that's a lot. But like, tell me some good things about you. And so I did, I said a few things kind of sheepishly, and then I started like thinking about it. And he said, Now imagine if we took all those strengths and we use those to get through instead of trying to fix what's wrong, we use those strengths to look at it and grow from it. And it was kind of a perspective shift for me, um, where I could then go back over my life and look at it with that perspective. Where, wow, I was strong during those moments. I made it during those moments, I was resilient, I God saved my ass, whatever the case. Um so it it led me not to be so afraid of doing the reflecting. Uh instead of running from it, I was able to look at it in a different light. And I wouldn't be here had I not done the work, I'd probably be hiding in my closet smoking crack.

SPEAKER_00 19:21

So No, and I agree with that. I mean, uh the same reason is I believe that the best way to get through, and the quickest, to me, really the quickest way, because people spend so much time trying to recover. I go, well, we've already wasted so many years in addiction. Why do we wasting so much time in recovery? That I believe it's so much better to focus on character strengths, character traits, spiritual principles, than talking about character defects. People love to talk about the 12 steps. Oh, but you got to work on your character defects. I said, No, you don't. If you work on your character strengths, your character defects go away.

SPEAKER_02 20:04

Right. You focus on the positive, you don't sit and circle the negative.

SPEAKER_00 20:09

Right. I mean, because you can you there's you you can easily have a defect of character in a moment. Something could happen. We all do. It's not a big deal. That's the one of the that's the reason I came up with this. I I did this uh quick uh character course on the 12, the 12 like basic character traits. I call it strong leader, strong character. Questions about honesty, hope, faith, courage, discipline, the things that we need. And if you don't, you know, and a lot of times people want to talk about some of the emotional stuff. I go, you got to start building from within, get that foundation. And I always say is if you read anything, whether it's the big book that alcoholics like to promote, you talk about gamblers and we'll talk about the combo book. Both of them, early on in their literature, always say gamblers, the gambler literature talks about the your greatest challenge will be will be bringing about a character change within yourself. Bill W constantly talked about if you live by spiritual principles, you'll be able to work the steps. But you never really, but no one really talks about it and no one actually focuses on it. And I was in therapy for seven years. My therapist never focused on building up. And so I applaud you for finding someone that really was helpful, and like you said, that you did the work and you were able to get through to the other side.

SPEAKER_02 21:42

Thank you.

Building Strengths Instead Of Shame

SPEAKER_00 21:43

And I won't jump into question three, because part of this is you know, we talked some about journaling, but you also did something um courageous, being vulnerable, writing a book. You went a lot further than journaling. Journaling, do an inventory. You actually wrote a book, Voices to Victory. Tell people the importance of journaling, writing, to get clarity, first of all, for yourself, as well as then to use your story to help others. Talk to us about the journaling, about the book, and just uh and just on the healing aspect of all that.

SPEAKER_02 22:24

Yeah. Um, thank you. And so journaling in treatment, you know, I've always kind of, again, ADHD. I've I own 72 notebooks that each have four pages of journal notes in them. Um, but journaling for me, I was able to look back because our brains are always in denial, you know, when you're in addiction or you're trying to recover, it reverts to denial. Um, you think I can, I wasn't like that. It wasn't that bad. But when you go back and you're able to read your own truth in your own handwriting, and our brains will lie to us and change the narrative a little bit. So looking back and seeing the truth is really helpful. Um, but in writing my book, I was able to, first of all, I've always wanted to write a book, but I never thought I really had anything worthwhile to write about. Um so when this idea came to me, I was able to pull from all of the journaling I had done. But I, as I wrote, it was so, it's like the ultimate journal. Mine is, I just went through my life from beginning to where I'm at now. And every step of the way, I was able to look at it, process it, see it from that positive lens of where was God in that moment? How did I survive? How, what did I do that was brave, what was courageous, what was strong, instead of looking at those moments saying, man, I I fucked up or I did wrong or I was bad or anything like that. So going through those moments and being able to take ownership and really just grow from it, I did need a therapist to get through writing the whole thing. Yeah. And it was it was amazing. So I'm I'm just so I'm so excited to share my story. I always thought that I would be nervous because there's a lot of, I guess, uh what used to be shameful things that have happened throughout my life. And being this vulnerable and open and being able to share it, I've I've had a lot of friends and family already read it and they've shared the feedback. Wow, I can relate. Wow, I've been there too. And um, it just it's really awesome to see that it can help others for you to share your story, not just me, anybody. Talk about it, get it out there, and there's power in communitying and you know, having that same connection.

SPEAKER_00 25:30

I agree. Uh, you know, I've always been really open about uh, you know, my own recovery, both with uh alcohol and with uh gambling. And the more that I share, I realize so many people from from my past or current, you know, either share about themselves, about their own kids, about some other family member. Uh it is almost that thing, you almost allow another person to become vulnerable. I would say when you're vulnerable, you allow other people because a lot of people, you know, it's like when you're in a relationship, I remember that early on, especially when you're younger. Well, I don't want to be the first person to say I love you because I don't know if they love me back. And I don't I don't want to put that big throw that out there, and then I'm like, uh-oh, you know, and I think that's the same way, especially with anything, whether it was sexual, whether it was something physical, whether it was about your childhood, you know, when I talk about, you know, family bankruptcy, where I talk about, you know, certain things, whether I've shared either on the podcast or the YouTube channel. Yeah, that people are number one, they all they feel like they see you. And they go, okay, now I understand some of the things that you had to go through. Or wow, I didn't realize you had to go through that. Or, hey, this is what's going on with me. And you just open the door, and I applaud you for not only talking about it, but writing about it and sharing about it, and you know, creating your own legacy. Because I always say, if you truly want to be free from addiction, you have to own your story. That's everything.

SPEAKER_02 27:14

100%. And a lot of it too, I was able to go back and see, and other people can see that at the time that something happened, I had made the best choice I could with the options that were presented. Just I had shitty options.

SPEAKER_01 27:31

Right, agree.

SPEAKER_02 27:32

Um, but I love the I had I read a quote a while ago that said, we recover out loud so that others don't die in silence. And I think there's so much power behind that.

SPEAKER_00 27:45

Just love that.

SPEAKER_02 27:47

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 27:48

That's excellent. Yeah, and we'll put everything down into the show notes on ways to either reach Tara to get the book. Uh so as we conclude the episode, any last words you want to share either about you know, trying to find find your voice or find recovery, or like you said, I know maybe you have some other quotes or anything else, any tidbits of wisdom to share?

SPEAKER_02 28:18

Gosh,

Willingness, Help, And Closing

SPEAKER_02 28:19

I guess my biggest piece of wisdom is just be willing, be willing to ask for help, be willing to accept it, be willing to do the work, and be willing to live in the results, because it is a great result when you do it all. And it starts with willingness.

SPEAKER_00 28:39

It does. It does. And yeah, I like the other, yeah, you gotta ask for help. I always say is you you because we all I always say everybody tries to stop whatever addiction by that went by yourself. I say you can't. Like we've all tried, and someone will always tell me, well, I did I quit drinking at so-and-so. Yeah, but did you really deal with all the emotional stuff? Because one thing is stopping addiction, and what the other thing is is truly healing and just getting clarity for all the emotional or traumatic stuff that had happened. Well, I thank you for coming on to the podcast. And with that, we are gonna conclude this episode of the 1% in recovery podcast.