Ever felt the sting of judgment or the heat of burnout? Join us on a global expedition, unpacking our friend Paco's (Cat's Husband) tales of challenging travel experiences, turning discomfort into adventure, and sailing past the icebergs of negativity. We'll explore how Paco, a larger guy with a big love for life, armors up against the daggers of judgment and still manages to diffuse tense situations with surprising charm and positivity.
Journey with us as we navigate through the polar plunge of burnout, offering you lifelines on how to stand your ground when you feel unseen, unheard, and unappreciated. We’ll share stories of bravery in the face of adversity, practical advice on maintaining a healthy work-life balance, and tips on how to keep your ship sailing smoothly even amidst stormy weather. Whether you're battling personal or professional challenges, get ready for an enlightening voyage filled with inspiring stories, invaluable lessons, and a dose of empathy. It's time to seize the day, avoid burnout, and chart the course to a joyful, fulfilling life.
Take the Personality and Character Profiles at TaylorHartman.com.
Send questions and comments to Taylor@TaylorHartman.com Or Cathy@TaylorHartman.com with “Podcast” in the subject line.
Ever felt the sting of judgment or the heat of burnout? Join us on a global expedition, unpacking our friend Paco's (Cat's Husband) tales of challenging travel experiences, turning discomfort into adventure, and sailing past the icebergs of negativity. We'll explore how Paco, a larger guy with a big love for life, armors up against the daggers of judgment and still manages to diffuse tense situations with surprising charm and positivity.
Journey with us as we navigate through the polar plunge of burnout, offering you lifelines on how to stand your ground when you feel unseen, unheard, and unappreciated. We’ll share stories of bravery in the face of adversity, practical advice on maintaining a healthy work-life balance, and tips on how to keep your ship sailing smoothly even amidst stormy weather. Whether you're battling personal or professional challenges, get ready for an enlightening voyage filled with inspiring stories, invaluable lessons, and a dose of empathy. It's time to seize the day, avoid burnout, and chart the course to a joyful, fulfilling life.
Take the Personality and Character Profiles at TaylorHartman.com.
Send questions and comments to Taylor@TaylorHartman.com Or Cathy@TaylorHartman.com with “Podcast” in the subject line.
Hello listeners. This is Dr Taylor Hartman, with Very Best of Living. I'm with my good friend, kat Larson, who co-hosts this with me. Hello, kat.
Speaker 3:Hello, hello host. This is co-host.
Speaker 2:I knew you'd be that great accent Now you're, you have the travel bug like you want to feel, like you're there.
Speaker 3:I do. I watch Wimbledon and I want to go so bad I can't even stand it.
Speaker 2:Oh, I love you. Yes, I know, I know. Isn't it interesting? Because, as you know, we've been to Peru recently and then we had a backlash, like getting back into our first world country. We had some health issues to resolve and it's so funny how people that are not risk oriented say to me, well, really, was it worth it? Like, would you do that again? I'm like, oh my gosh, it's not even a question. Yes, I would do a third world country again. Probably not for a minute. I think I'll do first world. We'll try Japan first, but I would not give up the adventure, I would not not go and experience these opportunities and pay a price, not for a heartbeat.
Speaker 3:It's funny because we were just having this conversation because a friend of ours was asking Paco about going to Europe. And you know, everybody knows Paco's big guy, and you know planes, you know no real vehicles, maybe a 18 wheeler, he can get in comfortably. But it's so funny, the uncomfortableness of it, and it was like man, I can't believe you do that. You're probably never going to do that again. This guy who was saying and Paco's like, oh no, he's like you know, I'll be uncomfortable for eight hours, yeah.
Speaker 2:You know to go, do that, to go, do that. Great comment.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:What I like. I know that will be uncomfortable, but what I get is so much worth it. I love that. That allows him to stretch. Right. And everybody who doesn't have that mindset. They justify staying home and not experiencing life.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and I want to add a layer to that. Here's the other thing that happened. So Paco gets like armored up when we go places because people give him so much crap about how big he is my son too, so like you know people kind of grouse him when he sits in the chair behind him because his knees move up against the back of the seat and they can't people that are? In front of him, can't put their chair back, they can't lay down their seat.
Speaker 2:Okay, there's no room.
Speaker 3:There's no room in because it's so funny. It's like every time he's like dude, it's not going to happen, you just it's not going to happen, and so I can't go anywhere, and so he's armored up and he gets kind of this short, curt, defensive, mad approach. We really have been working on that because it's so uncomfortable for me and it's not fun, no, and I get it.
Speaker 3:He's the one going through it all, but I think what we're, what you learn, is okay. That doesn't give you the, the green light or the free way to go. Okay, I'm doing this. Okay, buckle and sit down. I can be an, because everybody's being announced, I mean excuse me. Like, yeah, I can be a jerk because everybody's being a jerk to me.
Speaker 2:See, I think, though, knowing Paco, at the core of that is he feels guilty.
Speaker 3:Guilty, yes, he feels like he's imposing on somebody else.
Speaker 2:Yes, he feels like he's the burden he's a problem, but the better approach would be for him to say to the person in front of him I want you to know, I am so sorry.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 2:It's so difficult and if we need to trade seats during the trip, give you a little more leg room at a time. Whatever would help you. I want you to know I really. It's not like I have space to go someplace.
Speaker 3:That's good.
Speaker 2:I think if, if someone said that to me, I would not feel negative towards him, I would feel like empathy, like that's a great point, and I would not trade seats with him. I would just go okay, that's what's going to happen on this flight, far more so than if the person acts as though he's entitled or that he is oblivious to how big he is, or you know what I mean. I think being more positive, proactive, is a smart way to go.
Speaker 3:Positive, proactive. I'm going to have that conversation with him because I don't know if we've ever gone down that road. We've gone down the road of not getting upset or like. So he'll buy the A group, like on Southwest. You know, you buy the A group and inevitably. Somebody is on before him right Like he's like a nine, and all of the people in front of him have taken those exit rows, no matter what size they are right.
Speaker 2:And not that they can't.
Speaker 3:It's like it's a free world. But then he stands there and shakes his head like, yeah, the idiots. And we are really working on it because it is it doesn't really some in some ways affects our travel, the joy, the whole experience 100%.
Speaker 2:I honestly think, being straightforward and honest and and you have a fun way about you, like you have that gift, which is also helpful, I think, taking that approach with sincerity, like I really don't want to make you uncomfortable, I just want you to know that we're in this together only because you're sitting here. So I apologize if I can do anything to help out with that, or I would bring like a treat on and just say you know it, here's, you're the lucky loser.
Speaker 3:I'm sorry, I am so gonna do that and make him give people treats. I love that idea.
Speaker 2:It's so hard being him like it is sorry. It's not easy. It is you know what for him to own. That it's not easy for you either. Being on the seat in front of me, I think it'd be really cool. I just like that idea.
Speaker 3:I love it, okay, thanks.
Speaker 2:No, it's great. Yeah, I'm glad you asked the question. I also think that we're gonna talk about burnout today, okay, people that are getting burned out and frustrated in life and there are people that literally are saying I don't want to go on vacation because there's so much work to come back to. Well, that's, you're messed up like people. I want to say to them you have told me that your responsibility at work is more important than your responsibility to yourself. Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:You have told me you've given up your life to get things done at work and I I think you made a bad deal with the devil. Like. That does not sound like a healthy way to Live, and I'm hearing more and more of that of people. They're kind of defining their life by what they have to do to perform work more than enjoying the magic of being with your family or doing a trip. That's exotic and and you, adventurous.
Speaker 2:I think it's important we think about what causes our burnout and what are we doing about it to own that. And talking about you and Paco, that's a good example of like that's an. That is what you go through, which would create burnout. Yes, so what are some alternatives that are positive and life-enhancing? That's what we had talked about. So let's think about this in terms of maybe, for example, you would do well to start learning to say in your life no, like I don't really want to do that. I want to do this instead. I think sometimes you know, cat, we give those people we work with like the ten things you love to do most. Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:I think it's interesting to me people that are happy tend to do the things they love to do most. It was interesting on our Crypt of Peru the day that I had elevation sickness so I was closing my eyes the whole time. Most of the people that were there went into the polar plunge. Most of the kids and adults literally jumped in the water. That was cold and they reminded me of when I did retreats in Sundance and we would hike to the waterfall and people that would actually get in the waterfall like they literally would. It's cold and when they would come back and we do the lineup. The lineup was who is most loving here? Mm-hmm, and Almost always people that went into the water were also at the top end of most loving. What does that mean? I've looked for that, that connection. It seems to me that people that are willing to do the things that are fun, inviting, risking, mm-hmm are also the ones who are more loving.
Speaker 2:They're not so fear-based, and I thought about, like when the Amazon we got at 5 am To go swim with the pink dolphins Mm-hmm, we all jump in the water and who is the animal that all they're known to do in life, that's meaning, is play? It's the dolphins, and why would people get up at 5 am To go swim with them instead of sharks, for example? Like the reality is that people that are playful, people that are willing to waste time like, enjoy themselves.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm seem to be the happier, more loving people. You know, I think about this quote. The scouts said time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time. Time you enjoy Wasting is not wasted time. And I think about people that can sit, for example, with their family and just chill. Mm-hmm. I don't call that wasted time. No.
Speaker 2:I think it's sad when there are people that are so intent about finishing something or focusing on Something, it has to be taken care of that they never find, they never scheduled downtime, they don't schedule away time, they don't allow themselves to be free In their thinking. And I'd like to talk about that right now. Like, what can you be doing based on your color that may actually be Causing burnout and what can you do about that? We'll start with the reds because, as you know, they get angry if I don't, so we'll start with them. Um, it's funny. This is so interesting. What I would recommend for a red in terms of burnout is so different than I would recommend for a yellow. So this man came to see me and he was so frustrated. I'm kind of bored, I'm not really happy and a little depressed. Actually, I'm a little depressed because I've retired, I make plenty of money, but I'm not feeling fulfilled. Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:I said go build something. Just get out of my office because you irritate me. And go Build something. And we're laughing, oh my gosh, it was hysterical. I said just do something that is meaningful, that can focus your attention, that will make you feel like you have a reason to stay alive. I said my reason for staying alive could be found in a book. I On the ocean or a beach, I be fine with that. You, that will not work, for you'll feel like you're wasting your life.
Speaker 2:So he built a barn. Built a barn, there you go. And he was happy as a clam because he was doing something that felt meaningful to him that if I were doing that it would cause me to burn out. But in his sense it was a burnout free. It was so exciting to do something productive. So and then? And yet, the lot of CEOs? They did a study on lots of CEOs. Many are red. They found that if they have a hobby like painting or music or something, a side gig that they can go focus on getting away from the business, they perform better and they're happier. So it's a blending of doing meaningful things for a red but at the same time having attention towards diversity, not just being stuck in one mode, that we were reds, knee right I have a quick question.
Speaker 3:You know, to me burnout like I don't know. It just feels like overall Burnout in the world when you're looking at people and I don't know if this weaves in, so kick me back into play. So I feel like we have this mentality that is growing. That's like leave like we are not allowed to anymore, like leave people alone, like if, like if you're calling something out, so say somebody is like cynical and critical, which I believe. When I see people in my life, I think that's when they're burnt out, when they get like critical and cynical about things.
Speaker 2:Right, don't you think that's a?
Speaker 3:burnout like hard.
Speaker 2:Yeah, right, yeah, they're not soft anymore.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and you're like go stand in the waterfall. It's like, well, you know you can't judge me for that, because that's just not what I do. And it's like, and then you're not, I almost feel like anymore, you're not allowed to go, you know, you're it not allowed. But it's like, let people be who they are and you can't. You know, just because they're not like you doesn't mean it's blah, blah, blah and we get into this weird place right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but let's go to truth.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 2:I. You are affecting me, yes, and I have a right to tell you that that negative energy that you're throwing my way is not appreciated.
Speaker 3:We're afraid to say that these days, aren't we?
Speaker 2:I know we are, we are, but, but we're tolerating people's bad behavior Instead of saying you know what? That's not okay with me. That doesn't work for me and I really admire people in public that will step up and do the kind thing, do the honest thing. I like that, as opposed to saying you're you and I'm me right, mm-hmm. I think that people are.
Speaker 2:My biggest fear is people go bitter like the example and they don't trust life and it's not a beautiful world, it's negative, and they miss the magic of what life really can be, in spite of how bad things can be like. There is chaos and there always has been in the world. Yep, this is not new. Right just gets intensified because of all the options we now to be destructive, we can be destructive about, but in that you can find your peace, in that you can find your joy and your connections. I'm telling you it will never go away. There will always be options for those connections and that joy that you can find always. I think that burnout also is. It's different for every color, like burnout for me, as a yellow is mundane.
Speaker 2:The boring the routine that is. So burnout for me, like I don't, I have to do consistent things. To be successful, you have to show up. That's all there is to it. So if I want to avoid burnout, I schedule highlights, things to look forward to, opportunities to be free, whether it's a day to go play or a trip to take. Those kinds of things for me, create a freedom for burnout and I don't mind doing the mundane and consistent, knowing I have those coming up.
Speaker 2:That does not work for other colors. They don't need that. That makes them stressful. Doesn't think they have an event coming they have to take care of? Not for me, those events are a shift. I think blues, for example I was reading this quote I loved so much A hundred year old person said if you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry and stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it. And I think blues get caught up in perfectionism and it has to be just right for it to be okay, and that drives them away from happiness, drives them towards stress and distress, and blues have a need to do everything right and to save everyone else's soul. And I think if they be less focused on others and fixing them and more focused on enjoying what they care about and doing the things that are beautiful. I think of this friend of mine who's in Italy right now with painting and painting classes and she is so happy, like.
Speaker 2:She is so like in the moment and I'm cheering her on because I know how much it means to her. And this is a woman that doesn't have a husband that cares. He's not part of her life. In a way, she's always wanted him to be. He's more selfish and self-centered and so, rather than getting stuck in that, she finds ways to find beauty in her life, and I love that blue focus on that versus being negative or bitter.
Speaker 3:You know, I don't know why Paco's in my brain today, but we've just kind of come through the last six months of him not having. You know he doesn't drink. He never drank excessively, but he's cut alcohol out of his life.
Speaker 2:Oh, wow, completely.
Speaker 3:Completely. And it was a journey of realizing that he was raised with a blue mom who, at 5.00 PM on the nose, was like oh my God, I've got to have a drink because this has been a day, every single day, of her life.
Speaker 2:Got it Every single day. That's how you unwind. That's how you unwind.
Speaker 3:And you're entitled to that, but I think what you're talking about is so critical because it's that displacement of the problems of you know that burnout Maybe you're burned out because your relationship isn't working or because I mean burnout just isn't in work, it's in life. It's in life.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but what you said is so powerful. He picked this up from her. Yes, her thinking was this is the way you navigate life which increased his burnout, by the way 100%, 100%.
Speaker 3:Not that you can't have a cocktail. I'm not saying that I don't. I-.
Speaker 2:That's not what you said. No, you said the way the thinking about it.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 2:Was where they were twisted. Yes, but let me read this Happiness doesn't start with a relationship, a vacation, a job or money. It starts with your thinking and what you tell yourself daily. Yes, and we'll look at Paco, who finally said oh my gosh, I'm thinking that solves my problem. Yes, of course, if I were married to you, I'd drink too, but the fact that he's gotten over that is probably-.
Speaker 3:It only makes it more fun when you drink with me. You're right, you're right.
Speaker 2:You're right, it only enhances these drinks, that is exactly right. But I think, when you oh, I love that.
Speaker 3:You know, I mean, I think you can inherit a burnout mentality 100%.
Speaker 2:Look how about the whining and the? You're taught Like I am a victim right, yes For us. Right For us. That's a great insight, absolutely. Yeah, so I'm finding it and what's sad is he's so blue, therefore he's even more vulnerable to buying into it. And for him to fight that I'm so proud. It's amazing.
Speaker 3:I mean, he really, I don't, I really beat between the two of us. He's the guy that is just so spectacular at his growth.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't agree. I think you both are spectacular. But, I think yours came earlier than his, and that's what's so cool. Is that you bring him with you as opposed to no, no, no, I'm not putting up with this anymore. Like I've done my work, you need to have done yours, so goodbye. It's so cool that you're both like cheering each other on.
Speaker 3:Oh, I would. I mean he's it's like-.
Speaker 2:You wouldn't have it any other way.
Speaker 3:No, you can't. It'd be like shedding your front door and a baby puppy on the front door. You know you can't do that to him. I don't want to ever do that to anybody.
Speaker 2:No, but especially someone like him.
Speaker 3:Right right.
Speaker 2:You know what you raise also a good point I wanted to share with our listeners. I want you to know it is never okay for you to love people on their level, like if you just decide someone is undeserving of you, operating at your healthy place, shame on you. You've taken a cheap route. Like once you've developed the capacity to love, you should always give back, not as a reaction to how they are and where they are, but who you are and what you're about. That's a great thing to remember, because I do think it's hard sometimes, when you've done your work or you're doing your work and somebody else isn't, for you to stay in that level of loving, giving, nurturing, growing despite the fact they're not there.
Speaker 2:That's so important. Listeners as you do your work. Don't think it gives you entitlement to treat people at a lesser level because of who they are and how they're behaving. Always love the person, despite how you deal with the bad behavior. That's just not easily done, but when you're true to your path, you know that's what you have to do. Be true to your lane, stay in your lane. Love people as you are not what they deserve. And we have to talk about the last one. The whites Like the whites get stressed.
Speaker 2:I'm telling you, whites are intriguing to me because they do not handle emotional stuff well. They are typically traumatized by emotion, so they can get very irrational. I have a granddaughter, and she and her friend called me on lunch hour and they said Bubba, we have a question. We wanna know about how to deal with this. And I love this girl, I love both of them. They're just wonderful kids. But my white granddaughter has got strength about her, which I have told her before. Here's what you need to do and she'll do it. She's not afraid to do that.
Speaker 2:So their friend was acting obnoxious and said and he's just not healthy. He had said well, do you have a problem me? You got to come tell me. And I said good, you got the invitation. Go tell him, say to him you asked for it. I want you to know. These are the things you do that drive people away from you. And I think it may be. Be direct with him. Don't worry about being unkind, because that's not who you are, but don't apologize when he says to you well, I didn't mean that. You say you told us, as a friend, if we cared, we could come to you directly. Just don't talk behind your back. So the minute I came to you and I said those things you said were good you wanted to know, you got defensive, resentful, pushed back. I want you to know. That's what you said. Here's what I'm doing about it. I'm telling you to your face. I promise you you'll be better for it. So I love that they I love that I know I trust them to be able to do it. Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:And despite the fact that she's a white who typically wouldn't do it right. Yeah, that was interesting. There's a comment that came recently. I don't feel heard, seen or appreciated enough as a white. Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:What should I do about it? God bless this person for recognizing they feel Unvalued, unseen, unheard. And I said to this person I said you know, what I think you really ought to do is say I'm working on being more seen. So I'm gonna start making one comment in a conversation and then two comments, and then maybe I'll ask a question. That's almost a safer one to say so when you're saying this, what is this, what that means to you? You could contribute to the conversation that way.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm, I love the fact that there are people that are wanting to grow and yet I want you to know, the minute you ask me, I'm gonna give you a stretch. I promise you. It's not even possible for me not to, because if you're gonna grow, you have to stretch. That's how this works. But the fact that you're recognizing I don't feel seen or heard and I want to be. I want to be be more value in Relationships. That's the invitation you gave me to push you. So it's really kind of cool. I like that idea. So all four of the different colors deal with burnout and stress differently, and I think you have to take ownership for how you are burning yourself out and what you need to change about that. I, for example, would not choose to go be with negative people if I were feeling burned out. That would not help me. Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:I would go to a farmer's market and just wander. Yeah, if I am a red, I would change my focus and do something that is a project. That would give me a focus and meaning. If I were blue, I would probably do. Look at my thinking. What am I doing? What is my thinking giving me? That's positive versus negative. Maybe you want to read different things that are proactive. Oh, it was so interesting. I was in a meeting recently at church and this guy won't stop talking and he's he probably interrupted maybe 20 times.
Speaker 2:Oh my god and he made a comment I probably have talked too much, but and I'm like, no, no, stop. But I next to me said Well, self-awareness is the first step of growth. And I said you would think I don't think it doesn't necessarily happen. So if you really do talk too much, stop talking like don't say, but just say I don't need to respond to that, or what I was gonna share has already been taught, shared I. When I hear that cat, like when I hear somebody say to me it's almost always a white when they say what I was gonna comment has already been shared. I'm like thank you, I love you. That is so brilliant, I don't need to say it, it's good. I don't understand why this person doesn't seem to understand. They're so needy. They have to hear themselves be heard, as opposed to letting the someone else offer the insight.
Speaker 3:So somebody's so needy and needs that what you're coaching for them is like take not, not at my expense.
Speaker 2:You're doing something for you at my expense, not cool.
Speaker 3:How do they get it taken care of then?
Speaker 2:Well you're. You being needy is your work. You're insecure. Yeah like you're so insecure. You want the world to know yeah smart.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's something you can work on, but not at other people's expense. Don't think others aren't saying yes, you do talk too much. Don't think that it was it. Just, it's so intriguing to me how people can't see they sabotage the thing they need the most by misbehaving. So I'm fine with the fact you're needy, I'm not fine with how you explore getting it met. That's the difference. Okay, I'm gonna quit. No, enough of the burnout.
Speaker 3:I'm burnt out now for crying out Exactly.
Speaker 2:You need a break from it. All right, listeners. Thank you. Have a great week, cat as well.
Speaker 3:You too, taylor. Take some time for yourselves, guys.
Speaker 2:Love you. See you next week.
Speaker 3:Bye, bye you.