348: Fix Your One-on-One Meetings Before Your Team Checks Out

If your one-on-one meetings keep getting canceled, rushed, or pushed aside, your team is already getting the message.

In this episode of The Mid-Career GPS Podcast, I break down why consistent one-on-one meetings are one of the most overlooked leadership systems for mid-career professionals seeking stronger teams, better performance, and greater visibility into promotion opportunities.

Too many leaders claim they have an “open door policy,” but open-door leadership often leads to reactive leadership. When meetings become inconsistent, trust erodes, communication weakens, and employees stop feeling valued. Your calendar is telling a story about your leadership, whether you realize it or not.

I explain why protecting consistent contact time is not optional for leaders who want to build influence, improve employee engagement, and strengthen their reputation inside their organization. We also discuss what it means when your manager repeatedly cancels meetings with you and how mid-career professionals can manage up more strategically.

In this episode, I share practical leadership strategies you can implement immediately, including how often to schedule meetings, why the name of the meeting matters, and how to stop wasting valuable conversation time on status updates that belong in email, Slack, or dashboards.

I also walk you through a simple four-question framework that transforms routine check-ins into meaningful leadership and development conversations focused on performance, retention, career growth, and trust.

If you are a mid-career leader who wants to become more visible, more influential, and more effective in today’s competitive job market, this episode will help you rethink how you SHOW UP for your team and your career.

If you are serious about improving your leadership skills, increasing your visibility, and advancing your career at mid-career, this episode will challenge how you think about leadership communication and team development.

Listen now and learn how better one-on-one meetings can strengthen trust, improve performance, and help you become the kind of leader people want to follow.

Remember, how you SHOW UP matters.

Transcript

Welcome And Who This Is For

John Neral 0:03

Hello, my friends, and welcome to the Mid-Career GPS Podcast. I'm your host, John Narrell. This is the show for mid-career professionals who feel stuck, undervalued, or unsure what's next, and know that doing more isn't the answer. Here we focus on how you show up, how you make clear decisions, build influence, and take control of your career. Let's get started. This week's episode is near and dear to my heart because as someone who has led teams across multiple organizations, what I'm going to talk with you about today was an absolute non-negotiable. And that is you must, you must protect your one-on-one meetings, the ones that you have with your direct reports and your team members, as well as the ones you have with your supervisor. Now, whether you have direct reports or not, this episode is relevant to you because I'm going to talk to you about how consistent you are in keeping these meetings. Because if I looked at your calendar right now, would I see your leadership priorities or your excuses? Now, if you have access to take a look at your calendar right now, go ahead. But if your team is disengaged, unclear, or underperforming, I don't need you to look at your strategy. I need you to look at your one-on-ones. Look at the contact time. Because most mid-career leaders don't get passed over because they lack skill. They get passed over because they lack leadership systems. And for me, a non-negotiable when it comes to your leadership system is you must hold your one-on-one meetings with your team with fidelity. If you're canceling those one-on-ones, it's not because you're busy. You're sending a very clear message that that one-on-one meeting doesn't matter. And if your supervisor is canceling your one-on-one meetings with you, think about how you're receiving that. Because in this episode, I'm going to show you exactly how you can structure your one-on-one meetings to build more trust, increase performance, and actually show up as a leader your team respects, and your organization will see you as someone who is eligible for promotion. When I work with my leadership clients and I ask them this question about their one-on-ones, oftentimes what they will say to me is that, oh, we talk all the time, or I have an open door policy, or my team knows how to get a hold of me, or they'll come find me if something's wrong. I'm going to challenge that. They're not telling you these things in a passing conversation. And they're certainly not going to vocalize this during a group meeting. Your one-on-ones are sacred space. They are cherished and trusted territory where they might tell you what's really going on. It's in that virtual meeting or in that closed door meeting where you two get to have an intentional conversation about what's working and what is not. But those things don't happen if they don't trust you. And one of the ways we build trust is we hold these one-on-one meetings consistently and with fidelity. When I was leading a team of 28 people and I had 11 direct reports, I made a ground rule with all of them, which said, if I for any reason cancel our one-on-one meeting and do not reschedule it within 24 hours, put time on my calendar. I want you to know that these meetings are important to me and they're important for us. Because I want to make sure you get the support and the contact time that you need. Can we agree to that? When I see leaders and managers repeatedly canceling team meetings, or I hear people come back and they say, Oh, I haven't met with my supervisor in two months. What it signals is that you and the work you do are not important to them. You're a burden. You're an obligation that they need to check the box on. You're someone whom they have to write that performance review for. And the trap that we have to be careful of not falling into is when most leaders think that they're accessible when in reality they're not. They're not accessible. They're actually reactive. They respond to the email or they respond in real time when something is happening and they feel like that's enough or that's okay. They think that's what trust is. And I want to offer you to consider that is a very fragile relationship. See, if you want better relationships, if you want a team that performs at a higher level, you want better results, you need to meet with them regularly. It is not an option. You just don't meet with them when quote unquote things calm down or things aren't as hectic. This is not a meeting. This is a leadership system and a leadership system that you set up and honor every single week. When I talk about how we show up and I talk about my show up six strategies, this is one of the ground rules that I expect my clients to hold and to honor in their work. And that also means that they're setting ground rules with their supervisors as well about holding their check-in time and their one-on-one time with fidelity and an importance. That is how we get to show up as a leader. If you are in charge of managing and leading talent, then your calendar needs to reflect that. And if it's not, something is missing. So I want to offer you a few points here about building this leadership system. And the first point is that consistency is the signal or repeated message you give every single week. That time on your calendar is predictable and it's honored. Predictable leaders are trusted leaders. And when your one-on-ones are consistent, your team prepares for them, you prepare for them. Conversations start to open up, and over time, those conversations go from being very tactical to being more strategic. They are about building and developing your skill set and your leadership toolkit because they happen. There is time that happens. But when they are canceled and not rescheduled, you are resetting the relationship every single time. Now, look, you you know your organizational culture far better than I. And I don't want to sit here behind this microphone and blindly say to you that when the president of the company or a high profile client needs to meet, and that's where the money and that's where that's where the things are really important at a level above that one-on-one meeting, that it may be an opportunity to reschedule. I get that. Right? That should be the thing that, oh my gosh, something must have really come up for them to reschedule this meeting. When you honor that time with your team every single week, both your one-on-one check-ins and your group meetings, you are communicating to your team that they matter before you even say a word. So for your leadership strategy, when you look at your calendar, that means you have a designated time with that team member, same day, same time, every week or every other week. You need to meet frequently. So, what works best for you and your team? Is it every week or every other week? Please don't tell me it's every month. That's too much time passes. It needs to be for a minimum of 20 to 25 minutes. And I would offer that you change the name of that meeting to a leadership meeting. Don't label it as a one-on-one or a check-in. You, as the team lead, have an opportunity to develop and grow the leadership skills within the members of your team. Language shapes behavior. And if you're sitting there and you're saying, but John, I I I've called this a one-on-one or a check-in meeting, it's just what we do. You have the ability to change that. It's your team. You get to change that. How consistent are you in honoring the time you are meeting with the people in your unit? Point number two. Most leaders use one-on-ones for status updates. And I get that in keeping the work flowing and moving, there is an element to that. And that on some level needs to happen. But it should not be the entire time for your leadership meeting. In fact, you could move those to an email leading up to your leadership meeting. Status updates can be done over email, Slack, dashboard, something like that. Your one-on-one should not be for tracking that kind of work. Your leadership meetings should be for talent development. So if you're multitasking, come back to me because I'm going to give you a very simple one-on-one framework for creating your leadership meeting. And these are things that I would ask my team repeatedly. Okay, question one, what's working well right now? Let's get a win. The more trust you build, the more challenges will start to unfold, or you'll be more aware of. And where they're stuck or frustrated might be within an organizational dynamic between the team members. It might be with a particular client. It might be with a particular system that they have to work with internally. But you, as their leader, want to know where they're stuck or frustrated because you're at a level that could potentially intervene and help them get some kind of resolution or solve that problem for them. You may not be able to, and you may know somebody who might be able to help them, but this is where the trust is key. You want to know where they're stuck or frustrated. Because I will tell you, and I know this from experience, the more intently you listen, the more curious you are when you ask them questions about where they are stuck or frustrated, you are actually having a retention conversation. Because if you value them and you appreciate the work that they do on a regular basis, the last thing you want is for them to leave and go somewhere else. So let's get real about the challenges they are facing and figuring out ways to solve them. The next question is one that I loved asking. What actually matters this week? Get their priorities. And I want to offer you here that the priorities can also be things outside of their work day. What actually matters this week? I need to get to my kids' baseball game. I need to get to my kids' volleyball game. Those priorities and alignment allow for the work-life balance so many people are craving for right now. And yes, you can have those conversations in a one-on-one check-in meeting. Question four. And this is the forward-thinking question. Where do you want to stretch or improve? Know that when we ask this question to our team members, we may not get an immediate answer. And that's okay. That is okay. But we want to keep this question about where do you want to stretch or improve at the forefront of this conversation because this is a leadership meeting. Where do they want to grow? Where do they want to develop? Where do they want to be more visible? Where do they want more exposure? What's the next growth opportunity for them? If your one-on-ones do not include a growth question or conversation, you are not developing leaders. You are merely maintaining employees and doing the status quo. Number three. The question then becomes, why aren't you leading your team better? And I want to be clear in this. Yes, you will lose people off of your team. You should be losing people off of your team because they will find another opportunity. They will go to another company, they will move to a different division within the organization. Your job is not to hold them and keep them bound up in the confines of your team. Your responsibility is to grow and develop them so they are skilled up and ready for whatever is next. Do you want to be known as the leader inside of your organization that is developing top-notch talent to go to the next level? Or do you want to be known as the person in the organization that no one leaves your team? What a dead end that could be. And they looked at me and they said, No one has ever asked me that question before. And I said, Great, now you get a chance to answer it. And they told me. And when they told me, I knew two things. One I knew I had to find a way to fix that. That that frustration needed to get taken care of and needed to be addressed because that was gonna make their work life easier. And the second thing was they trusted me enough to say it. Don't blow it. Don't do something that's gonna jeopardize that trusting relationship now. You can ask them what's frustrating you right now? What's something you haven't said yet? What would make your job easier this week? If you don't ask those questions in a leadership development meeting, you are never going to get the full picture of what's going on. So, yes, let's acknowledge this is scary. This is scary for you. This is scary for you to potentially ask a question you've never asked your team before. And then you have to sit there and wonder what's going to come back. Because if you ask the question, you must be prepared to get what comes back to you. Here's what I want you to do this week. I don't want you to do this next week or when things calm down or after vacation this week, right now, is an action step because of you listening to this podcast. I want you to look at your recurring meetings with your team members. And I want you to schedule them out if you haven't already for the next 90 days. Rename them as leadership meetings or development meetings and send your team this very simple message. I am recommitting to our one-on-ones. This is your time. I want you to bring what matters. We are going to reframe these meetings as a leadership development conversation around your work and what potentially might be next to you, next for you. I've given you those four questions earlier about what to ask. And just to go back, what's working right now? Where are you stuck or frustrated? What actually matters this week, and where do you want to stretch or improve? And then you're going to conduct these meetings and you're going to track one thing. This is the only thing I want you to pay particular attention for in your leadership style and how you're facilitating these meetings. Here's the one thing you have to track. Are they talking more than you are? Because if you're talking more than 50% of the time during that meeting, you are controlling, you are not leading, you are not developing. You're having this check-in meeting with them so they can talk to you. They're bringing their issues, their concerns, their development issues, and you're having a conversation around that. Do not monopolize that conversation. It's their time. Yes, you want to make sure you get what you need out of that conversation as well. But build the relationship and the structure. I used to ask people on my team to send me an agenda 24 hours before their meeting. Some did, some didn't. But when they sent that to me 24 hours before their their development meeting, I could prepare a little bit better. I knew what I was going to walk into. And sometimes we were going to have an intentionally difficult conversation, and that was okay, because at least I could be prepared for it. Look, for so many of you, you are heart-centered, empathic leaders. You care deeply about your team, your work. But just because you care more does not make you a stronger leader. You become a stronger leader because you operate differently. And your one-on-ones, my friends, they are either building your reputation or quietly destroying it. I have seen firsthand in my own work that when you start changing the way you do your one-on-ones, word travels quickly. Teams notice. And the teams that aren't doing things the way you are, they go to their managers or their leaders and they'll be like, well, I heard John's team is doing this. Why aren't we doing that? You control what's in your own house. So as a takeaway from this episode, I want you to go back. I want you to take a look at your calendar. What have you canceled? What have you protected? And moving forward, I want you to do the best possible thing you can do to protect your one-on-one meeting time with your team members. And just as an aside here, when we talk about managing up and we talk about building the relationship that you have with your direct support, your superior supervisor, you can do the same thing with them. Hey, these one-on-one meetings are really important for me to check in with you. And this is how I'd like to make sure we're structuring these meetings and such. Would that work for you? Would that be okay? And I want you to know that I really appreciate and value our time together. I know you're busy. But if for any reason we have to reschedule, can we make it a point to reschedule our meeting as soon as possible that week? I want to make sure we're not letting too much time go by so our work continues to move forward. Hear what they have to say. More importantly, watch what they do. Okay? So if this episode resonated for you, I want you to take action on it immediately. And if you want to go deeper into this kind of leadership work, how you show up, how you lead, how you position yourself for what's next, this is what we get to do inside of the Show Up Leadership Lab. The Show Up Leadership Lab is my signature monthly membership community where for mid-career professionals, it is all about building your leadership toolkit and showing up for yourself, your career, your leadership, your organization, your loved ones, and showing up in different ways based on six core strategies to help you create whatever is next for you in your career. If you are tired of getting interviews and not getting promoted, if you are tired of putting yourself out there and not getting opportunities, if you are tired of thinking that your work is just going to speak for itself and nobody's knocking on your door to give you that next opportunity, my friends, the answer lies in how you show up. So every month we have a series of calls.com forward slash show up. Come on into the membership. Would love to have you there. All right. You've got some work to do. Hope you found this helpful. In the meantime, remember this you will build your mid-career GPS one mile or one step at a time. And how you show up matters more than ever. Make it a great rest of your day. If you enjoyed this episode, don't keep it to yourself. Kindly share it with someone who needs it. And if you're tired of feeling stuck, overlooked, or underutilized in your career, go to my website, johnnerrell.com to get started. There you'll find free resources, ways to work with me, and details about the Show Up Leadership Lab, my signature membership for mid-career professionals who want to lead better, get noticed, and elevate their career. All the links are in the show notes. You can grab what you need right there. Feel free to connect with me on LinkedIn. And if you're getting value from the show, take 30 seconds to leave a rating and review on your favorite podcast platform. Remember, how you show up matters, and I'll see you next time.