{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":35.9,"endTime":37.81999999999999,"body":"Welcome to"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":35.9,"endTime":37.81999999999999,"body":"another episode of gender"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":37.81999999999999,"endTime":41.809999999999995,"body":"stories, and I'm thrilled to be"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":37.81999999999999,"endTime":41.809999999999995,"body":"here with October Ryan."},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":42.29,"endTime":46.25,"body":"October was born in a small"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":42.29,"endTime":46.25,"body":"Pentecostal coal mining town in"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":46.25,"endTime":50.06,"body":"the Appalachian Mountains. She"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":46.25,"endTime":50.06,"body":"struggled to express her true"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":50.06,"endTime":54.31999999999999,"body":"self from a very early age. When"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":50.06,"endTime":54.31999999999999,"body":"October's femininity was met"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":54.31999999999999,"endTime":58.16,"body":"with hate, anger and abuse, she"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":54.31999999999999,"endTime":58.16,"body":"retreated into a series of"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":58.16,"endTime":61.849999999999994,"body":"approval seeking fake persona."},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":58.16,"endTime":61.849999999999994,"body":"The Pentecostal pastor in"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":61.849999999999994,"endTime":65.99,"body":"training, the unique academic"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":61.849999999999994,"endTime":65.99,"body":"bookworm the rebellious grad"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":65.99,"endTime":70.34,"body":"school party boy, the small town"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":65.99,"endTime":70.34,"body":"psychology professor, none of"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":70.34,"endTime":74.18,"body":"her false identities gave"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":70.34,"endTime":74.18,"body":"October any sense of peace. When"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":74.18,"endTime":78.08,"body":"she moved to the diverse haven"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":74.18,"endTime":78.08,"body":"of LA, she finally came out as a"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":78.08,"endTime":81.71,"body":"proud transgender woman. While"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":78.08,"endTime":81.71,"body":"healing her traumas and"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":81.71,"endTime":84.83,"body":"beginning her transition she"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":81.71,"endTime":84.83,"body":"wrote and published her first"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":84.83,"endTime":88.78999999999999,"body":"novel, The Beginning of October,"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":84.83,"endTime":88.78999999999999,"body":"heavily inspired by the pain in"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":88.78999999999999,"endTime":92.9,"body":"her past, and her hopes for the"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":88.78999999999999,"endTime":92.9,"body":"future. And she's recently"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":92.9,"endTime":96.47,"body":"released a new murder mystery"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":92.9,"endTime":96.47,"body":"novel The Book of Monahan, which"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":96.47,"endTime":100.28,"body":"is really wonderful. So, you"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":96.47,"endTime":100.28,"body":"know, really Gender Stories"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":100.31,"endTime":104.0,"body":"readers, get it, read it, we're"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":100.31,"endTime":104.0,"body":"gonna talk about it. And"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":104.0,"endTime":107.69,"body":"hopefully, you'll feel motivated"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":104.0,"endTime":107.69,"body":"to get the book but I've read"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":107.69,"endTime":110.86999999999999,"body":"I've had the privilege to read"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":107.69,"endTime":110.86999999999999,"body":"it, and it's great. October is"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":110.86999999999999,"endTime":114.67999999999999,"body":"also co written and released her"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":110.86999999999999,"endTime":114.67999999999999,"body":"debut album homecoming, co"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":114.67999999999999,"endTime":118.46,"body":"written and produced by American"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":114.67999999999999,"endTime":118.46,"body":"Idol runner up and charttopping"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":118.49,"endTime":122.17999999999999,"body":"artist Blake Louis. And for more"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":118.49,"endTime":122.17999999999999,"body":"on October you check, you can"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":122.17999999999999,"endTime":124.94,"body":"check out her website,"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":122.17999999999999,"endTime":124.94,"body":"Octoberryan.com, which of course"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":124.94,"endTime":128.39,"body":"is also going to be in the"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":124.94,"endTime":128.39,"body":"episode description. Welcome,"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":128.39,"endTime":131.3,"body":"October. What a wonderful"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":128.39,"endTime":131.3,"body":"pleasure to have you on gender"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":131.3,"endTime":131.84,"body":"stories."},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":132.70999999999998,"endTime":134.54,"body":"Thank you, Alex."},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":132.70999999999998,"endTime":134.54,"body":"It's wonderful to be here."},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":134.54,"endTime":137.99,"body":"Sorry, my dog picked at the"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":134.54,"endTime":137.99,"body":"precise moment that we started"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":138.23000000000002,"endTime":139.43,"body":"to start  making noise."},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":139.85,"endTime":142.57999999999998,"body":"Oh, that's okay."},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":139.85,"endTime":142.57999999999998,"body":"I mean, it's wonderful to have"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":142.57999999999998,"endTime":147.05,"body":"paps on the interview. We've had"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":142.57999999999998,"endTime":147.05,"body":"like baby noises and interviews,"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":147.05,"endTime":150.98000000000002,"body":"pop noises. They're all welcome."},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":147.05,"endTime":150.98000000000002,"body":"And now that we have both the,"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":151.13,"endTime":154.61,"body":"you know, the audio just on"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":151.13,"endTime":154.61,"body":"podcasts, listening platforms,"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":154.64,"endTime":158.12,"body":"and the video on YouTube, people"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":154.64,"endTime":158.12,"body":"also get to see the puppies or"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":158.12,"endTime":159.82999999999998,"body":"the babies. So that's wonderful."},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":161.78,"endTime":163.67000000000002,"body":"Bring her back at"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":161.78,"endTime":163.67000000000002,"body":"some point, but she's in her"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":163.67000000000002,"endTime":164.3,"body":"naughty corner."},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":165.05,"endTime":167.32999999999998,"body":"Oh, that's okay."},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":165.05,"endTime":167.32999999999998,"body":"If she comes back, we will"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":167.32999999999998,"endTime":170.45,"body":"welcome her make her part of the"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":167.32999999999998,"endTime":170.45,"body":"interview. I'm pretty sure"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":170.45,"endTime":173.39,"body":"nobody's gonna mind a little"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":170.45,"endTime":173.39,"body":"bark here. and there, we"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":173.39,"endTime":178.82,"body":"understand. So um, I would love"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":173.39,"endTime":178.82,"body":"to talk with you first of all"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":178.82,"endTime":183.23000000000002,"body":"around your writing, right? It's"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":178.82,"endTime":183.23000000000002,"body":"lately I feel I've been talking"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":183.23000000000002,"endTime":186.5,"body":"to a lot of people about the"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":183.23000000000002,"endTime":186.5,"body":"role that writing has had in"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":186.5,"endTime":189.56,"body":"their gender journey. And it"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":186.5,"endTime":189.56,"body":"sounds like especially with your"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":189.56,"endTime":193.27999999999997,"body":"first novel, that's definitely"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":189.56,"endTime":193.27999999999997,"body":"been part of your writing. And"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":193.27999999999997,"endTime":196.61,"body":"so yeah, anything that you want"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":193.27999999999997,"endTime":196.61,"body":"to share about how your writing"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":196.61,"endTime":200.89999999999998,"body":"has kind of been part of your"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":196.61,"endTime":200.89999999999998,"body":"own gender journey and your own"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":200.93,"endTime":202.21999999999997,"body":"self understanding?"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":203.51,"endTime":207.86,"body":"Yeah, I mean, the"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":203.51,"endTime":207.86,"body":"writing has saved me. I really,"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":207.86,"endTime":210.29000000000002,"body":"really struggled with"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":207.86,"endTime":210.29000000000002,"body":"transitioning and coming out."},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":211.16000000000003,"endTime":214.33999999999997,"body":"And I've never been good at"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":211.16000000000003,"endTime":214.33999999999997,"body":"expressing my feelings to"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":214.33999999999997,"endTime":218.39,"body":"people, I'm always kind of on"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":214.33999999999997,"endTime":218.39,"body":"high alert, like, I'll say what"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":218.39,"endTime":222.98000000000002,"body":"you want me to say, so you just"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":218.39,"endTime":222.98000000000002,"body":"don't probe any farther. But"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":222.98000000000002,"endTime":227.63,"body":"when I started writing, I"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":222.98000000000002,"endTime":227.63,"body":"started finding my voice. And"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":227.87,"endTime":231.07999999999998,"body":"the music, you know, was was"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":227.87,"endTime":231.07999999999998,"body":"great for me to express my"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":231.07999999999998,"endTime":235.76,"body":"emotions. But I wanted to write"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":231.07999999999998,"endTime":235.76,"body":"a book that was it's not an"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":235.76,"endTime":240.14,"body":"autobiography, I had to tell my"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":235.76,"endTime":240.14,"body":"mother that. She's like, Oh, my"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":240.14,"endTime":244.13,"body":"God, did this really happen? I'm"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":240.14,"endTime":244.13,"body":"like, no, no, no calm down. But"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":244.16000000000003,"endTime":247.88,"body":"it was inspired by my life. And"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":244.16000000000003,"endTime":247.88,"body":"I realized when I finished it,"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":247.88,"endTime":251.71999999999997,"body":"that it was so much more about"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":247.88,"endTime":251.71999999999997,"body":"my perspective than I even"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":251.71999999999997,"endTime":255.46999999999997,"body":"realized. In fact, that's when I"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":251.71999999999997,"endTime":255.46999999999997,"body":"actually legally changed my name"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":255.46999999999997,"endTime":260.57,"body":"to October was after I wrote the"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":255.46999999999997,"endTime":260.57,"body":"book, and, and saw the meaning"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":260.57,"endTime":263.84,"body":"that that had for me. So I mean,"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":260.57,"endTime":263.84,"body":"really just the writing has"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":263.84,"endTime":265.58,"body":"saved me in so many ways."},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":266.48,"endTime":268.64,"body":"That is really"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":266.48,"endTime":268.64,"body":"wonderful to hear. And I know"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":268.64,"endTime":272.39,"body":"that's very much true for me, as"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":268.64,"endTime":272.39,"body":"well as, even though I write"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":272.39,"endTime":276.35,"body":"nonfiction, I still feel that"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":272.39,"endTime":276.35,"body":"when I write, it really helps me"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":276.38,"endTime":279.89,"body":"better understand myself better"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":276.38,"endTime":279.89,"body":"understand people. And I'm"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":279.92,"endTime":283.07,"body":"really curious whether you were"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":279.92,"endTime":283.07,"body":"writing before or if you're"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":283.07,"endTime":287.39,"body":"writing really started to thrive"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":283.07,"endTime":287.39,"body":"and flourish, after you started"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":287.39,"endTime":290.72,"body":"to come out even to yourself. I"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":287.39,"endTime":290.72,"body":"mean, I don't know, for me,"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":290.72,"endTime":293.57,"body":"there was definitely a process"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":290.72,"endTime":293.57,"body":"of figuring it out for myself,"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":293.57,"endTime":298.07,"body":"right? Nobody usually tells you,"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":293.57,"endTime":298.07,"body":"hey, you're trans. So I wonder"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":298.16,"endTime":300.11,"body":"what that process was like for"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":298.16,"endTime":300.11,"body":"you."},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":301.37,"endTime":303.56,"body":"So I wrote so much"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":301.37,"endTime":303.56,"body":"when I was a little kid, I had"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":303.56,"endTime":308.27000000000004,"body":"this book series called Reuben"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":303.56,"endTime":308.27000000000004,"body":"the Robin. I can still picture"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":308.27000000000004,"endTime":314.21000000000004,"body":"it. And I wrote a song lyrics"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":308.27000000000004,"endTime":314.21000000000004,"body":"all throughout college too. But"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":314.21000000000004,"endTime":318.17,"body":"when I entered the work world,"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":314.21000000000004,"endTime":318.17,"body":"like the adult life, I suppose"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":318.17,"endTime":322.31,"body":"you'd say, I blocked all that"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":318.17,"endTime":322.31,"body":"out, and I just put it to the"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":322.31,"endTime":326.72,"body":"side and I didn't really start"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":322.31,"endTime":326.72,"body":"doing it again until right"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":326.72,"endTime":331.04,"body":"before I officially came out,"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":326.72,"endTime":331.04,"body":"I'd been playing with drag a"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":331.04,"endTime":334.1,"body":"little bit and you know, the"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":331.04,"endTime":334.1,"body":"first time I felt free to Do"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":334.1,"endTime":338.45,"body":"that. And I was realizing how"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":334.1,"endTime":338.45,"body":"good it was to express myself"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":338.45,"endTime":343.67,"body":"the way that I'd always wanted."},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":338.45,"endTime":343.67,"body":"So the writing just kind of came"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":343.67,"endTime":348.32,"body":"naturally from that. And then"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":343.67,"endTime":348.32,"body":"the more I did it, the more I"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":348.32,"endTime":352.52000000000004,"body":"wanted to do. I mean, I have a"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":348.32,"endTime":352.52000000000004,"body":"spreadsheet on my computer of"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":352.82,"endTime":355.67,"body":"all seven books in this"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":352.82,"endTime":355.67,"body":"particular series I'm writing"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":355.67,"endTime":358.85,"body":"right now. It's my favorite"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":355.67,"endTime":358.85,"body":"thing in the world."},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":360.26,"endTime":362.42,"body":"That's wonderful."},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":360.26,"endTime":362.42,"body":"So it's going to be a seven book"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":362.42,"endTime":366.44,"body":"series. I know there's a book. I"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":362.42,"endTime":366.44,"body":"know there is more coming, but I"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":366.44,"endTime":370.58,"body":"didn't know how many so now I"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":366.44,"endTime":370.58,"body":"know we can look forward to many"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":370.58,"endTime":375.2,"body":"more books in this series, and"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":370.58,"endTime":375.2,"body":"I'm very excited personally. So"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":375.2,"endTime":379.1,"body":"let's talk about your new book,"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":375.2,"endTime":379.1,"body":"the Book of Monahan. So you went"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":379.1,"endTime":383.99,"body":"from more kind of, you know,"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":379.1,"endTime":383.99,"body":"fictional back kind of inspired"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":383.99,"endTime":387.11,"body":"by things in your life first"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":383.99,"endTime":387.11,"body":"book, to more of kind of a"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":387.11,"endTime":393.98,"body":"mystery series. So yeah, tell me"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":387.11,"endTime":393.98,"body":"about why in mystery series, I"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":393.98,"endTime":397.22,"body":"also don't want to give people"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":393.98,"endTime":397.22,"body":"spoilers, so just share whatever"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":397.22,"endTime":400.88,"body":"you want to share about the book"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":397.22,"endTime":400.88,"body":"and Monahan and the series,"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":400.88,"endTime":403.94,"body":"generally, and what inspired you"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":400.88,"endTime":403.94,"body":"to write this series?"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":405.14,"endTime":410.21000000000004,"body":"Yeah, I was a big"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":405.14,"endTime":410.21000000000004,"body":"fan of a show called Father"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":410.21000000000004,"endTime":414.89,"body":"Dowling Mysteries when I was a"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":410.21000000000004,"endTime":414.89,"body":"little kid. I really wanted to"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":414.89,"endTime":417.44,"body":"be Sister Stephanie, I kind of"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":414.89,"endTime":417.44,"body":"still do want to be Sister"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":417.44,"endTime":423.26,"body":"Stephanie. But I've always loved"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":417.44,"endTime":423.26,"body":"True Crime mysteries. There's"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":423.26,"endTime":426.62,"body":"something about being presented"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":423.26,"endTime":426.62,"body":"with a question that's really,"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":426.62,"endTime":430.31,"body":"really difficult, but knowing"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":426.62,"endTime":430.31,"body":"that there will be an answer,"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":430.76,"endTime":433.19,"body":"and you're going to be the one"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":430.76,"endTime":433.19,"body":"that navigates that there's"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":433.19,"endTime":436.22,"body":"something really fulfilling"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":433.19,"endTime":436.22,"body":"about that for me. I think it's"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":436.22,"endTime":438.56,"body":"because my whole life was a"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":436.22,"endTime":438.56,"body":"question that I was always"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":438.56,"endTime":442.88,"body":"trying to figure out. So I love"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":438.56,"endTime":442.88,"body":"again, I love spreadsheets. So I"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":442.88,"endTime":448.85,"body":"love having seeds, and clues and"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":442.88,"endTime":448.85,"body":"red herrings and all these"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":448.85,"endTime":452.54,"body":"things that enter kind of"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":448.85,"endTime":452.54,"body":"intertwine into one long story"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":452.78000000000003,"endTime":456.23,"body":"where I know the answer, but the"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":452.78000000000003,"endTime":456.23,"body":"reader doesn't. That's really,"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":456.23,"endTime":457.67,"body":"really satisfying for me."},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":458.69,"endTime":461.33,"body":"Yeah, that makes"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":458.69,"endTime":461.33,"body":"sense. And there's something"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":461.33,"endTime":465.92,"body":"about I think that like you"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":461.33,"endTime":465.92,"body":"said, mystery where there is a"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":465.92,"endTime":469.61,"body":"sense of like, everything will"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":465.92,"endTime":469.61,"body":"become clearer, right, which"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":469.61,"endTime":474.02000000000004,"body":"often is not like life,"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":469.61,"endTime":474.02000000000004,"body":"unfortunately, more complicated"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":474.02000000000004,"endTime":478.64,"body":"than that. But often in"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":474.02000000000004,"endTime":478.64,"body":"mysteries, I feel like either"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":478.64,"endTime":483.41,"body":"Trans and Queer People don't"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":478.64,"endTime":483.41,"body":"exist, or if we exist in those"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":483.41,"endTime":487.25,"body":"worlds, we don't fare well,"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":483.41,"endTime":487.25,"body":"right? Often trans folks are"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":487.25,"endTime":491.6,"body":"depicted as either the villains"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":487.25,"endTime":491.6,"body":"or the victims. And so I'm"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":491.6,"endTime":495.2,"body":"wondering how you navigated,"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":491.6,"endTime":495.2,"body":"again, without giving too many"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":495.2,"endTime":500.42,"body":"spoilers to listeners, that how"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":495.2,"endTime":500.42,"body":"did you navigate representation"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":500.45,"endTime":505.64,"body":"in something like mystery"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":500.45,"endTime":505.64,"body":"series, when it comes to LGBTQI"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":505.64,"endTime":506.93,"body":"plus characters,"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":507.95,"endTime":513.11,"body":"I really wanted to"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":507.95,"endTime":513.11,"body":"be very intentional with the"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":513.11,"endTime":519.8299999999999,"body":"character, I didn't want it to"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":513.11,"endTime":519.8299999999999,"body":"be a huge, dramatic reveal. I"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":519.8299999999999,"endTime":525.74,"body":"didn't want the character to be"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":519.8299999999999,"endTime":525.74,"body":"kind of the idea that they're"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":525.74,"endTime":529.91,"body":"transgender dominating every"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":525.74,"endTime":529.91,"body":"aspect of their life. So I made"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":529.91,"endTime":533.9,"body":"the intention to not even reveal"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":529.91,"endTime":533.9,"body":"who is transgender until a"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":533.9,"endTime":536.6,"body":"couple of chapters in and it's"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":533.9,"endTime":536.6,"body":"again, that's not part of the"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":536.6,"endTime":541.37,"body":"mystery, it hopefully comes up"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":536.6,"endTime":541.37,"body":"very organically. But no, I"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":541.37,"endTime":545.21,"body":"agree. That's when I started"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":541.37,"endTime":545.21,"body":"writing, I realized that there"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":545.21,"endTime":548.93,"body":"are so many types of people who"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":545.21,"endTime":548.93,"body":"are not represented, especially"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":548.93,"endTime":553.64,"body":"as the as a main character. So"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":548.93,"endTime":553.64,"body":"that was really exciting. It's a"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":553.64,"endTime":556.6099999999999,"body":"little nerve racking, because"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":553.64,"endTime":556.6099999999999,"body":"when I was writing the beginning"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":556.6099999999999,"endTime":562.91,"body":"of October, that was a trans"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":556.6099999999999,"endTime":562.91,"body":"female who was based on me, that"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":562.91,"endTime":566.81,"body":"may or may not be the case in"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":562.91,"endTime":566.81,"body":"this book. I guess that's a tad"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":566.81,"endTime":570.3499999999999,"body":"bit of a spoiler. So I wanted to"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":566.81,"endTime":570.3499999999999,"body":"make sure that I was being"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":570.3499999999999,"endTime":575.78,"body":"sensitive and that I wasn't. I"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":570.3499999999999,"endTime":575.78,"body":"wasn't saying or doing anything"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":575.81,"endTime":578.03,"body":"that would make anyone"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":575.81,"endTime":578.03,"body":"uncomfortable in the queer"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":578.03,"endTime":581.75,"body":"community. So there's a little"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":578.03,"endTime":581.75,"body":"bit of pressure there. But no,"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":581.75,"endTime":585.3499999999999,"body":"I'm really proud of it. And the"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":581.75,"endTime":585.3499999999999,"body":"way that that reveal came out, I"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":585.3499999999999,"endTime":586.37,"body":"was really happy with it."},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":586.88,"endTime":589.3399999999999,"body":"Yeah. And I love"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":586.88,"endTime":589.3399999999999,"body":"what you said that the reveal is"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":589.3399999999999,"endTime":594.89,"body":"not part of the mystery, right?"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":589.3399999999999,"endTime":594.89,"body":"Because often it's like, yes,"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":594.89,"endTime":598.91,"body":"have made some of us that"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":594.89,"endTime":598.91,"body":"remember, the terribly trans"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":598.91,"endTime":602.9,"body":"misogynistic, like reveal on the"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":598.91,"endTime":602.9,"body":"Crying Game, for example, in"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":602.9,"endTime":606.68,"body":"terms of movies, and obviously"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":602.9,"endTime":606.68,"body":"no trans folks usually want to"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":606.68,"endTime":613.2199999999999,"body":"replicate that kind of centered"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":606.68,"endTime":613.2199999999999,"body":"representation. And so I'm"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":613.28,"endTime":617.2099999999999,"body":"really curious about how did you"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":613.28,"endTime":617.2099999999999,"body":"navigate trans character there"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":617.2099999999999,"endTime":620.63,"body":"was not the maybe I had an"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":617.2099999999999,"endTime":620.63,"body":"experience that was different"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":620.63,"endTime":624.05,"body":"from Iran as a trans person,"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":620.63,"endTime":624.05,"body":"right? Did you like feel like"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":624.05,"endTime":627.92,"body":"you were drawing from"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":624.05,"endTime":627.92,"body":"communityknowledge Did you ask"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":628.49,"endTime":632.93,"body":"feedback from other folks and"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":628.49,"endTime":632.93,"body":"everybody navigates that process"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":632.93,"endTime":635.78,"body":"a little bit differently? So I'm"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":632.93,"endTime":635.78,"body":"curious about your process as a"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":635.78,"endTime":637.8499999999999,"body":"writer in navigating this."},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":639.1999999999999,"endTime":640.6999999999999,"body":"Like I said, it"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":639.1999999999999,"endTime":640.6999999999999,"body":"was something I took very"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":640.6999999999999,"endTime":645.1099999999999,"body":"seriously, I don't have a large"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":640.6999999999999,"endTime":645.1099999999999,"body":"network of people. I've been in"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":645.1099999999999,"endTime":648.0799999999999,"body":"LA several years, but it's very"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":645.1099999999999,"endTime":648.0799999999999,"body":"difficult to make actual"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":648.0799999999999,"endTime":652.4599999999999,"body":"connections here. So what I what"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":648.0799999999999,"endTime":652.4599999999999,"body":"I tried to do, honestly, as I"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":652.4599999999999,"endTime":657.8,"body":"started from a place of, you"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":652.4599999999999,"endTime":657.8,"body":"know, my, my dream person, I"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":657.8,"endTime":663.8599999999999,"body":"have to be so careful here not"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":657.8,"endTime":663.8599999999999,"body":"to,. But I really thought of"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":664.6999999999999,"endTime":670.28,"body":"someone who identified as the"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":664.6999999999999,"endTime":670.28,"body":"gender that they are, regardless"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":670.28,"endTime":674.06,"body":"of it being cis or trans. That"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":670.28,"endTime":674.06,"body":"was my starting point. So again,"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":674.06,"endTime":677.42,"body":"it wasn't that I was trying to"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":674.06,"endTime":677.42,"body":"hide who's who it's that this"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":677.42,"endTime":680.7199999999999,"body":"person is the gender that they"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":677.42,"endTime":680.7199999999999,"body":"are, and there are so many"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":680.7199999999999,"endTime":684.8599999999999,"body":"qualities attached to that. And"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":680.7199999999999,"endTime":684.8599999999999,"body":"then, um, it's probably wasn't"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":684.8599999999999,"endTime":688.52,"body":"the best way. But I'm a big fan"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":684.8599999999999,"endTime":688.52,"body":"of a podcast called Jay \u0026 Miles"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":688.6099999999999,"endTime":692.9,"body":"X-Plain the X-Men . And one of"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":688.6099999999999,"endTime":692.9,"body":"the hosts... are you familiar?"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":693.38,"endTime":695.8399999999999,"body":"A little bit?"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":693.38,"endTime":695.8399999999999,"body":"Yes. Yeah."},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":696.29,"endTime":698.24,"body":"And I started"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":696.29,"endTime":698.24,"body":"listening before one of the"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":698.24,"endTime":702.53,"body":"characters transitioned, and I"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":698.24,"endTime":702.53,"body":"was still in the closet back"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":702.53,"endTime":706.55,"body":"then. And so it really, honestly"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":702.53,"endTime":706.55,"body":"was very educational. For me,"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":706.5799999999999,"endTime":709.52,"body":"I've learned more about the"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":706.5799999999999,"endTime":709.52,"body":"queer community from that"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":709.52,"endTime":713.78,"body":"podcast than I have my own life"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":709.52,"endTime":713.78,"body":"experiences. So I kind of tried"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":713.78,"endTime":719.87,"body":"to base it on, not base it on,"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":713.78,"endTime":719.87,"body":"let's be careful, lightly"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":719.87,"endTime":723.41,"body":"inspired by a lot of the"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":719.87,"endTime":723.41,"body":"experiences that one of the"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":723.41,"endTime":726.9799999999999,"body":"hosts had shared throughout"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":723.41,"endTime":726.9799999999999,"body":"those podcasts."},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":727.7299999999999,"endTime":730.25,"body":"Yeah, and I love"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":727.7299999999999,"endTime":730.25,"body":"that you said inspired by,"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":730.28,"endTime":735.1999999999999,"body":"right, because I think we do"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":730.28,"endTime":735.1999999999999,"body":"need to kind of see ourselves"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":735.1999999999999,"endTime":738.1099999999999,"body":"sometimes to understand"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":735.1999999999999,"endTime":738.1099999999999,"body":"ourselves, right? I believe that"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":738.1099999999999,"endTime":741.92,"body":"this week, while we're"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":738.1099999999999,"endTime":741.92,"body":"recording, it's actually banned"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":741.92,"endTime":747.14,"body":"books week. And I was really"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":741.92,"endTime":747.14,"body":"thinking about this idea of"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":747.14,"endTime":750.26,"body":"like, what happens when we can"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":747.14,"endTime":750.26,"body":"see ourselves, right, I know"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":750.26,"endTime":754.0999999999999,"body":"that for myself, you know,"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":750.26,"endTime":754.0999999999999,"body":"growing up in the 70s, in Italy,"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":754.0999999999999,"endTime":757.31,"body":"there wasn't a lot of"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":754.0999999999999,"endTime":757.31,"body":"representation. Luckily, anime"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":757.31,"endTime":761.5699999999999,"body":"and manga were really popular."},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":757.31,"endTime":761.5699999999999,"body":"And so I remember that, you"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":761.5699999999999,"endTime":764.39,"body":"know, I think the title in"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":761.5699999999999,"endTime":764.39,"body":"English is The Rose of"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":764.39,"endTime":767.39,"body":"Versailles. And it's this"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":764.39,"endTime":767.39,"body":"characters assigned female at"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":767.39,"endTime":770.54,"body":"birth, as actually very"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":767.39,"endTime":770.54,"body":"masculine. It's like the guard,"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":770.5699999999999,"endTime":773.66,"body":"one of the guards of Marie"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":770.5699999999999,"endTime":773.66,"body":"Antoinette, right. And I didn't"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":773.66,"endTime":776.75,"body":"know that I was trans when I was"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":773.66,"endTime":776.75,"body":"in elementary school. But I was"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":776.75,"endTime":781.0999999999999,"body":"so attached, right to this TV"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":776.75,"endTime":781.0999999999999,"body":"series, because the part of me"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":781.0999999999999,"endTime":784.91,"body":"was like, oh, you know, trans"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":781.0999999999999,"endTime":784.91,"body":"masc representation, we could"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":784.91,"endTime":788.3599999999999,"body":"call it nowadays, but that's not"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":784.91,"endTime":788.3599999999999,"body":"what was happening in the 70s."},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":788.3599999999999,"endTime":791.54,"body":"and easily, I've never been a"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":788.3599999999999,"endTime":791.54,"body":"trans masc person that I knew."},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":791.54,"endTime":797.4499999999999,"body":"All right. And so yeah, I'm"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":791.54,"endTime":797.4499999999999,"body":"really thinking a lot about"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":798.26,"endTime":802.16,"body":"books and representation, and"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":798.26,"endTime":802.16,"body":"what happens when we can see"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":802.16,"endTime":806.18,"body":"experiences that maybe we don't"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":802.16,"endTime":806.18,"body":"have yet language for, or when"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":806.18,"endTime":809.39,"body":"we hear experiences, through"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":806.18,"endTime":809.39,"body":"podcasts, episodes, and so on."},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":809.6899999999999,"endTime":813.0799999999999,"body":"And so I'm wondering what that"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":809.6899999999999,"endTime":813.0799999999999,"body":"process of finding yourself was"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":813.0799999999999,"endTime":816.74,"body":"like for you as somebody who"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":813.0799999999999,"endTime":816.74,"body":"was, like you said, in your bio,"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":816.74,"endTime":819.65,"body":"you know, brought up in a small"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":816.74,"endTime":819.65,"body":"coal mining town in the"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":819.65,"endTime":822.9799999999999,"body":"Appalachian Mountains, maybe, I"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":819.65,"endTime":822.9799999999999,"body":"don't know if there were trans"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":822.9799999999999,"endTime":826.67,"body":"folks in your community or not,"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":822.9799999999999,"endTime":826.67,"body":"or, yeah, I'm just curious about"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":826.67,"endTime":830.0,"body":"your own journey of finding"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":826.67,"endTime":830.0,"body":"yourself and whether books or"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":830.03,"endTime":832.0999999999999,"body":"other people's writing and the"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":830.03,"endTime":832.0999999999999,"body":"role in that."},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":833.24,"endTime":838.5799999999999,"body":"I was. So in the"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":833.24,"endTime":838.5799999999999,"body":"closets. I mean, I there were no"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":838.5799999999999,"endTime":842.03,"body":"trans open, openly trans people."},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":838.5799999999999,"endTime":842.03,"body":"Where I grew up, there were no"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":842.03,"endTime":847.49,"body":"openly gay people where I grew"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":842.03,"endTime":847.49,"body":"up to admit any kind of gay"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":848.06,"endTime":852.56,"body":"stereotype was even something"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":848.06,"endTime":852.56,"body":"that was heavily judged. I'm"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":852.56,"endTime":855.4699999999999,"body":"processing a lot of trauma now"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":852.56,"endTime":855.4699999999999,"body":"from the church that I went to,"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":855.77,"endTime":860.51,"body":"I literally thought I was going"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":855.77,"endTime":860.51,"body":"to hell, every day until I was"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":860.51,"endTime":863.99,"body":"in my early 20s. And you know"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":860.51,"endTime":863.99,"body":"that you hear that and it's"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":863.99,"endTime":867.41,"body":"like, Oh, that sucks. But to"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":863.99,"endTime":867.41,"body":"think about a little kid whose"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":867.41,"endTime":872.63,"body":"daily reality is I'm going to"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":867.41,"endTime":872.63,"body":"the eternal place of punishment."},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":874.1899999999999,"endTime":878.51,"body":"I'm so passionate about"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":874.1899999999999,"endTime":878.51,"body":"understanding and really letting"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":878.51,"endTime":882.3499999999999,"body":"people know about the trauma"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":878.51,"endTime":882.3499999999999,"body":"that's being caused in churches"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":882.38,"endTime":885.5,"body":"every day. It's, it's something"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":882.38,"endTime":885.5,"body":"that I think people don't want"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":885.5,"endTime":887.8399999999999,"body":"to talk about, because they"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":885.5,"endTime":887.8399999999999,"body":"don't want to be expensive, but"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":888.17,"endTime":890.9599999999999,"body":"there are kids killing"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":888.17,"endTime":890.9599999999999,"body":"themselves because of what"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":890.9599999999999,"endTime":894.41,"body":"you're experiencing in these"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":890.9599999999999,"endTime":894.41,"body":"churches. And religion, you"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":894.41,"endTime":898.43,"body":"know, plays a big, big part in"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":894.41,"endTime":898.43,"body":"The Book of Monaghan, for that"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":898.43,"endTime":905.7199999999999,"body":"reason, I didn't even see a gay"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":898.43,"endTime":905.7199999999999,"body":"person that I related to until"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":906.8599999999999,"endTime":910.49,"body":"The Real World New Orleans, so"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":906.8599999999999,"endTime":910.49,"body":"as a queer person named Danny"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":912.1999999999999,"endTime":918.3199999999999,"body":"and so I came out as gay when I"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":912.1999999999999,"endTime":918.3199999999999,"body":"was 24. But then, I just had"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":918.3199999999999,"endTime":923.75,"body":"such a hard time with that, that"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":918.3199999999999,"endTime":923.75,"body":"I really retreated my gender. I"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":923.75,"endTime":928.3399999999999,"body":"was comfortable you know what,"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":923.75,"endTime":928.3399999999999,"body":"having sex with men, but in some"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":928.3399999999999,"endTime":931.5799999999999,"body":"ways, I felt like I had to"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":928.3399999999999,"endTime":931.5799999999999,"body":"overcompensate like I can't be"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":931.6099999999999,"endTime":935.5699999999999,"body":"the girly gay, because that's"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":931.6099999999999,"endTime":935.5699999999999,"body":"too Far, and people would"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":935.5699999999999,"endTime":939.56,"body":"compliment me, you know, not"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":935.5699999999999,"endTime":939.56,"body":"knowing that it was harmful,"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":939.7099999999999,"endTime":942.1099999999999,"body":"saying, Oh, I'm just so glad"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":939.7099999999999,"endTime":942.1099999999999,"body":"you're not one of those femme"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":942.1099999999999,"endTime":948.77,"body":"gays. And, you know, deep down,"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":942.1099999999999,"endTime":948.77,"body":"I knew I was, but I couldn't"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":948.77,"endTime":952.64,"body":"even consciously go there. So it"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":948.77,"endTime":952.64,"body":"really wasn't until I moved to"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":952.64,"endTime":959.4799999999999,"body":"LA, when I was 39, that I"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":952.64,"endTime":959.4799999999999,"body":"started allowing myself to admit"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":959.4799999999999,"endTime":964.37,"body":"things that I love, that are"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":959.4799999999999,"endTime":964.37,"body":"super femme. I mean, I still"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":964.37,"endTime":966.8299999999999,"body":"have a hard time expressing my"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":964.37,"endTime":966.8299999999999,"body":"femmeness, like to be honest."},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":966.8599999999999,"endTime":971.6899999999999,"body":"And deep down. I know, I am"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":966.8599999999999,"endTime":971.6899999999999,"body":"like, the twirliest girliest"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":971.6899999999999,"endTime":975.56,"body":"girl that I've ever known in my"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":971.6899999999999,"endTime":975.56,"body":"life. It's just so hard for me"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":975.56,"endTime":980.99,"body":"to express that because of the"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":975.56,"endTime":980.99,"body":"trauma. So unfortunately, there"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":980.99,"endTime":984.62,"body":"wasn't a lot of fiction that"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":980.99,"endTime":984.62,"body":"inspired me if anything, it was"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":985.28,"endTime":989.24,"body":"people brave enough to share"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":985.28,"endTime":989.24,"body":"their authentic stories. Be it"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":989.24,"endTime":993.1099999999999,"body":"Danny from The Real World, or"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":989.24,"endTime":993.1099999999999,"body":"more recently, RuPaul's Drag"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":993.1099999999999,"endTime":997.6099999999999,"body":"Race, several of the transgender"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":993.1099999999999,"endTime":997.6099999999999,"body":"characters, there have been a"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":997.6099999999999,"endTime":1002.9799999999999,"body":"huge information. inspiration"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":997.6099999999999,"endTime":1002.9799999999999,"body":"for me, Sasha Colby, has been so"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1002.9799999999999,"endTime":1006.55,"body":"crucial in my coming out"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1002.9799999999999,"endTime":1006.55,"body":"experience over the last few"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1006.55,"endTime":1010.9599999999999,"body":"years. So yeah, it's interesting"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1006.55,"endTime":1010.9599999999999,"body":"that I'm pursuing the world of"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1010.9599999999999,"endTime":1014.56,"body":"fashion. But it really is kind"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1010.9599999999999,"endTime":1014.56,"body":"of those real authentic heroes"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1014.56,"endTime":1016.18,"body":"that have inspired me the most."},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1017.4699999999999,"endTime":1019.99,"body":"Absolutely, that"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1017.4699999999999,"endTime":1019.99,"body":"that makes a lot of sense,"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1019.99,"endTime":1023.1999999999999,"body":"because we've had so much more"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1019.99,"endTime":1023.1999999999999,"body":"visibility even over the last"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1023.1999999999999,"endTime":1026.95,"body":"decade when it comes to trans"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1023.1999999999999,"endTime":1026.95,"body":"representation, which I think"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1026.95,"endTime":1030.1,"body":"has been really wonderful and"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1026.95,"endTime":1030.1,"body":"life saving, like you said, for"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1030.1,"endTime":1033.82,"body":"a lot of people because,"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1030.1,"endTime":1033.82,"body":"unfortunately, you know, we're"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1034.03,"endTime":1037.51,"body":"just at the, you know, just"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1034.03,"endTime":1037.51,"body":"after September, which is also"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1037.51,"endTime":1040.96,"body":"Suicide Prevention Month, I"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1037.51,"endTime":1040.96,"body":"believe. And, you know, in our"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1040.96,"endTime":1045.76,"body":"community, suicidality is 10"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1040.96,"endTime":1045.76,"body":"times the rate of cisgender"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1045.76,"endTime":1050.35,"body":"communities, mostly because, you"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1045.76,"endTime":1050.35,"body":"know, sometimes it's hard for"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1050.35,"endTime":1054.22,"body":"trans folks, not only to face"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1050.35,"endTime":1054.22,"body":"all the systemic violence in the"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1054.22,"endTime":1058.21,"body":"world, but even to conceive"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1054.22,"endTime":1058.21,"body":"ourselves, right, in a world"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1058.21,"endTime":1063.3999999999999,"body":"where we are, at best erased,"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1058.21,"endTime":1063.3999999999999,"body":"and at worst, you know, murdered"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1063.3999999999999,"endTime":1067.93,"body":"or represented as villains, and"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1063.3999999999999,"endTime":1067.93,"body":"so on. And so I am curious, in"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1067.93,"endTime":1071.74,"body":"your own writing, why you chose"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1067.93,"endTime":1071.74,"body":"to go more the fictional route"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1071.77,"endTime":1074.35,"body":"than nonfiction or route,"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1071.77,"endTime":1074.35,"body":"whether you've thought about"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1074.56,"endTime":1077.26,"body":"writing a memoir, especially"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1074.56,"endTime":1077.26,"body":"given that your first book"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1077.26,"endTime":1080.59,"body":"really does draw on your"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1077.26,"endTime":1080.59,"body":"experiences, what made you go"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1080.59,"endTime":1083.8899999999999,"body":"like the more the fictional"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1080.59,"endTime":1083.8899999999999,"body":"route than the non fictional"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1083.8899999999999,"endTime":1087.76,"body":"memoir route, for example, that"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1083.8899999999999,"endTime":1087.76,"body":"some trans folks have gone down?"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1088.81,"endTime":1090.55,"body":"Simple answer,"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1088.81,"endTime":1090.55,"body":"fear."},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1091.81,"endTime":1093.58,"body":"Yeah, that's"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1091.81,"endTime":1093.58,"body":"legit."},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1095.23,"endTime":1100.33,"body":"It's really hard"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1095.23,"endTime":1100.33,"body":"for me to go back to some of the"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1100.33,"endTime":1103.6,"body":"real experiences that I've had,"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1100.33,"endTime":1103.6,"body":"it's safer for me to create a"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1103.6,"endTime":1108.07,"body":"world where I know things will"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1103.6,"endTime":1108.07,"body":"end okay, for me to explore"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1108.07,"endTime":1112.03,"body":"them, but I actually am working"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1108.07,"endTime":1112.03,"body":"on an autobiography right now. I"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1112.06,"endTime":1115.6,"body":"hope to have it out next year,"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1112.06,"endTime":1115.6,"body":"but I want it's still going to"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1115.6,"endTime":1118.93,"body":"be it's going to have a creative"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1115.6,"endTime":1118.93,"body":"thread that I think is"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1118.93,"endTime":1122.08,"body":"protecting me so a little bit,"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1118.93,"endTime":1122.08,"body":"it's going to be kind of like"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1123.1,"endTime":1130.72,"body":"song lyrics as a tool to explore"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1123.1,"endTime":1130.72,"body":"my life. So yeah, it's a fear"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1130.72,"endTime":1131.9199999999998,"body":"thing. And it really is."},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1133.1499999999999,"endTime":1135.7,"body":"I really hear"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1133.1499999999999,"endTime":1135.7,"body":"that honestly, because I have"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1135.73,"endTime":1140.5,"body":"been having this like vague idea"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1135.73,"endTime":1140.5,"body":"about a memoir, but like a"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1140.5,"endTime":1143.74,"body":"spiritual memoir for some time."},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1140.5,"endTime":1143.74,"body":"And I'm like, throwing up put"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1143.74,"endTime":1146.29,"body":"this out there, do I want not"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1143.74,"endTime":1146.29,"body":"want to put this out there? Do I"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1146.29,"endTime":1148.99,"body":"want it to be partially"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1146.29,"endTime":1148.99,"body":"fictional? Because there is a"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1148.99,"endTime":1151.96,"body":"little bit of a, I think there's"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1148.99,"endTime":1151.96,"body":"a little bit of a protective"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1151.96,"endTime":1156.25,"body":"shell that we grow also as trans"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1151.96,"endTime":1156.25,"body":"folks in a very transphobic"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1156.25,"endTime":1160.24,"body":"world, right? And especially"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1156.25,"endTime":1160.24,"body":"when we experience rejection or"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1160.24,"endTime":1165.19,"body":"trauma, both, you know, familial"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1160.24,"endTime":1165.19,"body":"or religious, that can be fear."},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1165.19,"endTime":1171.28,"body":"So I really feel that and I"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1165.19,"endTime":1171.28,"body":"empathize with you on that and"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1171.97,"endTime":1175.27,"body":"and I love that you're bringing"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1171.97,"endTime":1175.27,"body":"music into it right and song"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1175.27,"endTime":1178.0,"body":"lyrics because music I think"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1175.27,"endTime":1178.0,"body":"it's another way in which"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1178.0,"endTime":1181.96,"body":"sometimes we can make sense of"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1178.0,"endTime":1181.96,"body":"ourselves. And so you both write"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1182.02,"endTime":1186.25,"body":"and make can use it to what how"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1182.02,"endTime":1186.25,"body":"do you see the relationship"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1186.25,"endTime":1189.22,"body":"between those two different"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1186.25,"endTime":1189.22,"body":"things you feel like they"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1189.22,"endTime":1192.1599999999999,"body":"express different sides of you I"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1189.22,"endTime":1192.1599999999999,"body":"think, like you said, you know,"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1192.1599999999999,"endTime":1196.57,"body":"with songs is more about"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1192.1599999999999,"endTime":1196.57,"body":"emotional processing, maybe"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1196.57,"endTime":1199.3899999999999,"body":"compared to other types of"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1196.57,"endTime":1199.3899999999999,"body":"writing. So yeah, I would love"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1199.3899999999999,"endTime":1202.45,"body":"to hear a little bit more about"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1199.3899999999999,"endTime":1202.45,"body":"your process and how you move"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1202.6599999999999,"endTime":1205.75,"body":"from one style of writing to"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1202.6599999999999,"endTime":1205.75,"body":"another writing."},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1206.98,"endTime":1210.37,"body":"I started writing"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1206.98,"endTime":1210.37,"body":"song lyrics that was if we're"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1210.37,"endTime":1215.77,"body":"talking about adult me, and in a"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1210.37,"endTime":1215.77,"body":"different way, it's like a"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1215.77,"endTime":1219.55,"body":"puzzle for me that's very"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1215.77,"endTime":1219.55,"body":"satisfying. So finding words"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1219.55,"endTime":1223.6,"body":"that rhyme finding the right"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1219.55,"endTime":1223.6,"body":"number of syllables to say a"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1223.6,"endTime":1227.86,"body":"phrase that you want to say."},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1223.6,"endTime":1227.86,"body":"It's very much a puzzle in a"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1227.86,"endTime":1233.08,"body":"unique way. And it's I love I"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1227.86,"endTime":1233.08,"body":"love writing music, a little bit"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1233.08,"endTime":1239.02,"body":"more than that. Like writing,"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1233.08,"endTime":1239.02,"body":"writing books. But I think it's"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1239.05,"endTime":1242.4099999999999,"body":"very autobiographical. For me"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1239.05,"endTime":1242.4099999999999,"body":"every song I've written. And"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1242.4099999999999,"endTime":1246.04,"body":"I've written all but  one of the"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1242.4099999999999,"endTime":1246.04,"body":"songs on my first two albums."},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1247.3899999999999,"endTime":1252.6699999999998,"body":"They come from a very, very deep"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1247.3899999999999,"endTime":1252.6699999999998,"body":"place. And if I always tell"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1252.6699999999998,"endTime":1255.6399999999999,"body":"people if you want to know me,"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1252.6699999999998,"endTime":1255.6399999999999,"body":"or you think you know me and"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1255.6399999999999,"endTime":1258.58,"body":"listen to some of the songs I've"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1255.6399999999999,"endTime":1258.58,"body":"written, then you will know me"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1258.58,"endTime":1262.21,"body":"better than any conversation"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1258.58,"endTime":1262.21,"body":"you've ever had with me. That's"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1262.21,"endTime":1268.48,"body":"where I feel the safest. You"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1262.21,"endTime":1268.48,"body":"know, writing in fiction, it's a"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1268.48,"endTime":1271.93,"body":"different kind of puzzle that I"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1268.48,"endTime":1271.93,"body":"enjoy. It's, you know, I want I"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1271.93,"endTime":1275.3799999999999,"body":"have these characters. I know"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1271.93,"endTime":1275.3799999999999,"body":"how they relate to each other. I"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1275.3799999999999,"endTime":1278.83,"body":"know where I want them to ends"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1275.3799999999999,"endTime":1278.83,"body":"up. How do I get them there in a"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1278.83,"endTime":1284.6499999999999,"body":"way that's unpredictable, but"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1278.83,"endTime":1284.6499999999999,"body":"also logical, it surprises you."},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1284.83,"endTime":1289.4199999999998,"body":"But it makes sense based on what"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1284.83,"endTime":1289.4199999999998,"body":"you know. So I have a little"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1289.4199999999998,"endTime":1293.32,"body":"touch of obsessive compulsive"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1289.4199999999998,"endTime":1293.32,"body":"disorder. And so these two"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1293.32,"endTime":1297.31,"body":"areas, it's really about problem"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1293.32,"endTime":1297.31,"body":"solving for me, and it's so fun."},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1298.18,"endTime":1298.48,"body":"Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1298.51,"endTime":1301.21,"body":"I mean, some of"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1298.51,"endTime":1301.21,"body":"us love attention to detail,"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1301.21,"endTime":1304.48,"body":"right? And I love that you keep"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1301.21,"endTime":1304.48,"body":"mentioning like, puzzles,"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1304.51,"endTime":1307.3,"body":"because in a way, that's"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1304.51,"endTime":1307.3,"body":"different types of puzzles. And"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1307.33,"endTime":1311.29,"body":"sometimes, figuring out that"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1307.33,"endTime":1311.29,"body":"we're trans can be its own"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1311.29,"endTime":1314.26,"body":"puzzle, right? And so I'm"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1311.29,"endTime":1314.26,"body":"wondering what that tipping"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1314.26,"endTime":1317.5,"body":"point was like for you, right?"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1314.26,"endTime":1317.5,"body":"Because in your bio, you say,"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1318.19,"endTime":1321.04,"body":"you know, you tried all these"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1318.19,"endTime":1321.04,"body":"different types of approval"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1321.04,"endTime":1325.24,"body":"seeking personas, right? What"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1321.04,"endTime":1325.24,"body":"what is going to work? And so"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1325.24,"endTime":1328.81,"body":"sounds to me, like you were very"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1325.24,"endTime":1328.81,"body":"much trying to solve the puzzle"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1328.81,"endTime":1332.74,"body":"of October, right? Who is"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1328.81,"endTime":1332.74,"body":"October? How do I find myself"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1332.74,"endTime":1335.62,"body":"and again, I have a lot of"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1332.74,"endTime":1335.62,"body":"empathy. I think a lot of trans"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1335.62,"endTime":1339.37,"body":"folks go through that. I know, I"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1335.62,"endTime":1339.37,"body":"went from my own kind of puzzle"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1339.37,"endTime":1342.76,"body":"and journey to find myself. And"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1339.37,"endTime":1342.76,"body":"so I'm wondering, like you said,"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1342.79,"endTime":1347.56,"body":"you know, a piece of that was"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1342.79,"endTime":1347.56,"body":"moving to LA. But what was it"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1347.56,"endTime":1351.8799999999999,"body":"that allowed you to go into"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1347.56,"endTime":1351.8799999999999,"body":"actually, I'm not a gay man, I'm"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1351.8799999999999,"endTime":1354.6399999999999,"body":"a trans woman. And it because"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1351.8799999999999,"endTime":1354.6399999999999,"body":"you were talking about like"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1354.6399999999999,"endTime":1358.18,"body":"overcompensating because I think"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1354.6399999999999,"endTime":1358.18,"body":"it is different for everybody."},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1358.18,"endTime":1361.4199999999998,"body":"And I'm wondering if your own"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1358.18,"endTime":1361.4199999999998,"body":"journey could be helpful to one"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1361.4199999999998,"endTime":1362.4099999999999,"body":"of the listeners?"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1363.79,"endTime":1368.02,"body":"Yeah. It's"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1363.79,"endTime":1368.02,"body":"interesting, it was during the"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1368.02,"endTime":1373.72,"body":"COVID lock down, when I finally"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1368.02,"endTime":1373.72,"body":"admitted that I was trans. And I"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1373.72,"endTime":1376.57,"body":"had a podcast called the"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1373.72,"endTime":1376.57,"body":"Positive Psychology of Pop Music"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1376.57,"endTime":1379.33,"body":"that I did. And I had just"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1376.57,"endTime":1379.33,"body":"interviewed one of my good"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1379.33,"endTime":1383.6499999999999,"body":"friends about the Black Lives"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1379.33,"endTime":1383.6499999999999,"body":"Matter movement, and listening"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1383.6499999999999,"endTime":1389.59,"body":"to him talk about all of these"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1383.6499999999999,"endTime":1389.59,"body":"systematic ways that culture"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1389.59,"endTime":1393.52,"body":"just accepts racism, you know,"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1389.59,"endTime":1393.52,"body":"it's not that you're racist, or"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1393.52,"endTime":1396.6399999999999,"body":"you're not, it's that it's so"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1393.52,"endTime":1396.6399999999999,"body":"built in that we don't even see"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1396.6399999999999,"endTime":1400.69,"body":"it when it's happening. And I"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1396.6399999999999,"endTime":1400.69,"body":"started looking at my life"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1400.69,"endTime":1406.1499999999999,"body":"through that lens through the"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1400.69,"endTime":1406.1499999999999,"body":"same thing, but with gender. And"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1406.57,"endTime":1410.02,"body":"I had this euphoric feeling when"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1406.57,"endTime":1410.02,"body":"we ended the interview, I put on"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1410.02,"endTime":1413.77,"body":"a wig immediately, and was just"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1410.02,"endTime":1413.77,"body":"kind of like, flitting around my"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1413.77,"endTime":1418.51,"body":"apartment. But then I had a"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1413.77,"endTime":1418.51,"body":"panic attack, because I realized"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1418.51,"endTime":1425.77,"body":"what being trans meant for me."},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1418.51,"endTime":1425.77,"body":"And it meant potentially losing"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1425.77,"endTime":1429.73,"body":"family members, it meant, you"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1425.77,"endTime":1429.73,"body":"know, having to redo my entire"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1429.73,"endTime":1435.25,"body":"life in my mind. So I went to"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1429.73,"endTime":1435.25,"body":"the American Psychological"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1435.25,"endTime":1440.56,"body":"Association website, and I spent"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1435.25,"endTime":1440.56,"body":"hours looking for what might"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1440.56,"endTime":1444.9099999999999,"body":"make you think you're trans when"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1440.56,"endTime":1444.9099999999999,"body":"you're not? What disorder might"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1444.9099999999999,"endTime":1448.36,"body":"make you think you're"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1444.9099999999999,"endTime":1448.36,"body":"transgender? I was so desperate"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1448.36,"endTime":1453.79,"body":"to find another answer for the"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1448.36,"endTime":1453.79,"body":"way that I felt. And, you know,"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1454.03,"endTime":1457.24,"body":"a panic attack crying for hours."},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1454.03,"endTime":1457.24,"body":"And then I finally was brave"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1457.24,"endTime":1460.4199999999998,"body":"enough to take the gender"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1457.24,"endTime":1460.4199999999998,"body":"dysphoria survey that they have,"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1460.87,"endTime":1465.85,"body":"and I scored off the charts. So"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1460.87,"endTime":1465.85,"body":"it really was through the course"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1465.85,"endTime":1472.33,"body":"of that day that I came out"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1465.85,"endTime":1472.33,"body":"loved it got terrified, wanted a"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1472.33,"endTime":1475.93,"body":"different answer, and then kind"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1472.33,"endTime":1475.93,"body":"of accepted it. But the"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1475.93,"endTime":1481.12,"body":"accepting and has been, it's"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1475.93,"endTime":1481.12,"body":"been such a process. I actually"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1481.12,"endTime":1484.09,"body":"tried to commit suicide in"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1481.12,"endTime":1484.09,"body":"between my first book and The"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1484.09,"endTime":1488.95,"body":"Book of Monahan. Just because"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1484.09,"endTime":1488.95,"body":"it's so overwhelming to, to look"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1488.95,"endTime":1492.55,"body":"at my life through an honest"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1488.95,"endTime":1492.55,"body":"lens, and all the things I've"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1492.55,"endTime":1496.87,"body":"done all the things that"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1492.55,"endTime":1496.87,"body":"happened to me. It's very, very"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1496.87,"endTime":1500.95,"body":"much a journey that I'm still"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1496.87,"endTime":1500.95,"body":"navigating. I've learned to kind"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1500.95,"endTime":1506.62,"body":"of appreciate that in a way that"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1500.95,"endTime":1506.62,"body":"when I have euphoria, when I"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1506.62,"endTime":1509.8,"body":"have a great feeling, I tell"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1506.62,"endTime":1509.8,"body":"myself, there's going to be so"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1509.8,"endTime":1514.1499999999999,"body":"many more of these in ways I"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1509.8,"endTime":1514.1499999999999,"body":"haven't even considered yet. And"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1514.18,"endTime":1516.97,"body":"when I kind of latched on to"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1514.18,"endTime":1516.97,"body":"that perspective, I found it to"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1516.97,"endTime":1520.45,"body":"be true that you know, there"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1516.97,"endTime":1520.45,"body":"will be bad times there will be"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1520.48,"endTime":1525.61,"body":"days when I just don't feel like"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1520.48,"endTime":1525.61,"body":"I know who I am. But it always"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1525.61,"endTime":1529.69,"body":"comes back to those euphoric"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1525.61,"endTime":1529.69,"body":"moments where I look at myself"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1529.69,"endTime":1534.6699999999998,"body":"and I smile, and I can't believe"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1529.69,"endTime":1534.6699999999998,"body":"I'm finally Looking in the"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1534.6699999999998,"endTime":1538.48,"body":"mirror without flinching, or,"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1534.6699999999998,"endTime":1538.48,"body":"you know, I'm, I'm walking"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1538.48,"endTime":1542.62,"body":"around my house naked. That was"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1538.48,"endTime":1542.62,"body":"something that was off limits"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1542.62,"endTime":1547.3,"body":"for me before. So it's a"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1542.62,"endTime":1547.3,"body":"journey. But I'm finally able to"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1547.3,"endTime":1550.33,"body":"say that it's an exciting one"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1547.3,"endTime":1550.33,"body":"that I'm looking forward to."},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1552.01,"endTime":1554.9199999999998,"body":"I'm sorry that"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1552.01,"endTime":1554.9199999999998,"body":"you went through that as, as"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1554.9199999999998,"endTime":1558.7,"body":"many of us do in community. And"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1554.9199999999998,"endTime":1558.7,"body":"I'm very glad that you're here."},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1558.8799999999999,"endTime":1562.45,"body":"I know that for myself, I do a"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1558.8799999999999,"endTime":1562.45,"body":"very similar, like, remember"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1562.45,"endTime":1565.6599999999999,"body":"that life is surprising. But it"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1562.45,"endTime":1565.6599999999999,"body":"cannot surprise you if you're"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1565.6599999999999,"endTime":1568.93,"body":"not here for it. Right? Like,"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1565.6599999999999,"endTime":1568.93,"body":"that's for me like that"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1568.93,"endTime":1573.04,"body":"reminder, when I'm having a bad"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1568.93,"endTime":1573.04,"body":"day and around suicidality,"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1573.04,"endTime":1576.34,"body":"right? It's like, you don't know"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1573.04,"endTime":1576.34,"body":"what tomorrow is gonna bring? Or"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1576.34,"endTime":1578.59,"body":"what next year is gonna bring"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1576.34,"endTime":1578.59,"body":"because there's been so many"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1578.59,"endTime":1581.59,"body":"surprises in the past, right?"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1578.59,"endTime":1581.59,"body":"And holding on to those euphoric"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1581.59,"endTime":1586.3899999999999,"body":"moments, those moments where we"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1581.59,"endTime":1586.3899999999999,"body":"see ourselves can be hard on the"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1586.3899999999999,"endTime":1590.8,"body":"rough days, right. But so, so"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1586.3899999999999,"endTime":1590.8,"body":"glad that you're here and that"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1590.8,"endTime":1595.81,"body":"you did all bound to those"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1590.8,"endTime":1595.81,"body":"euphoric moments. I am curious"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1595.81,"endTime":1601.0,"body":"about what would you say to"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1595.81,"endTime":1601.0,"body":"other folks who are maybe in a"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1601.0,"endTime":1604.21,"body":"similar situation, right, that"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1601.0,"endTime":1604.21,"body":"fear, I've heard this, I know,"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1604.21,"endTime":1608.1399999999999,"body":"I've navigated it, for myself"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1604.21,"endTime":1608.1399999999999,"body":"have supported a lot of people"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1608.1399999999999,"endTime":1611.44,"body":"in navigating it, as the"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1608.1399999999999,"endTime":1611.44,"body":"therapists, you know, especially"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1611.47,"endTime":1614.77,"body":"I know, when I've worked with"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1611.47,"endTime":1614.77,"body":"transfemme folks, there's so"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1614.8,"endTime":1617.86,"body":"such a big fear of losing"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1614.8,"endTime":1617.86,"body":"everything, right? My life is"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1617.86,"endTime":1620.29,"body":"gonna blow up, I'm gonna lose"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1617.86,"endTime":1620.29,"body":"everything, which makes sense,"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1620.29,"endTime":1622.96,"body":"because there's so much"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1620.29,"endTime":1622.96,"body":"transmisogyny. And I think"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1622.96,"endTime":1626.29,"body":"there's like different"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1622.96,"endTime":1626.29,"body":"challenges that transfemme folks"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1626.53,"endTime":1631.87,"body":"face for sure. And so there can"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1626.53,"endTime":1631.87,"body":"be so much fear, right, my life"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1631.87,"endTime":1636.07,"body":"is gonna be terrible, everything"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1631.87,"endTime":1636.07,"body":"is gonna blow up. And and in a"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1636.07,"endTime":1639.9099999999999,"body":"way on paper, it looks like"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1636.07,"endTime":1639.9099999999999,"body":"you've been thriving in terms of"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1639.9099999999999,"endTime":1643.33,"body":"your creativity, actually, since"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1639.9099999999999,"endTime":1643.33,"body":"coming out. And so yeah, I"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1643.33,"endTime":1647.05,"body":"wonder what you would say to"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1643.33,"endTime":1647.05,"body":"maybe other trans feminine folks"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1647.05,"endTime":1651.46,"body":"who are in the throes of I wish"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1647.05,"endTime":1651.46,"body":"I wasn't trans or there must be"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1651.46,"endTime":1655.6,"body":"some other reason why I feel"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1651.46,"endTime":1655.6,"body":"this way, right. And we're very"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1655.6,"endTime":1659.05,"body":"much struggling with that fear"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1655.6,"endTime":1659.05,"body":"of losing everything."},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1661.09,"endTime":1663.31,"body":"It's rough. It"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1661.09,"endTime":1663.31,"body":"really is. And I think we have"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1663.31,"endTime":1666.61,"body":"to acknowledge that. I remember"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1663.31,"endTime":1666.61,"body":"hearing the It Gets Better"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1666.61,"endTime":1670.8999999999999,"body":"campaign and having a little bit"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1666.61,"endTime":1670.8999999999999,"body":"of a negative reaction to that."},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1671.1699999999998,"endTime":1674.26,"body":"Because it doesn't always get"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1671.1699999999998,"endTime":1674.26,"body":"better for some people, or it's"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1674.26,"endTime":1678.52,"body":"Yeah. And I think we have to"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1674.26,"endTime":1678.52,"body":"face that as a reality. So we"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1678.52,"endTime":1683.44,"body":"take better care of our books"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1678.52,"endTime":1683.44,"body":"and in the queer community. What"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1683.44,"endTime":1687.19,"body":"I would say to anyone struggling"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1683.44,"endTime":1687.19,"body":"is something that's that's been"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1687.19,"endTime":1690.1,"body":"said to me for years. But it"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1687.19,"endTime":1690.1,"body":"took me a long time to realize"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1690.3999999999999,"endTime":1695.74,"body":"feelings aren't facts. And I"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1690.3999999999999,"endTime":1695.74,"body":"think because I pushed all of my"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1695.74,"endTime":1699.6399999999999,"body":"authentic feelings so far down,"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1695.74,"endTime":1699.6399999999999,"body":"when they started to come up,"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1699.6399999999999,"endTime":1705.1,"body":"they were overwhelming. I don't"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1699.6399999999999,"endTime":1705.1,"body":"think I cried in front of anyone"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1705.1299999999999,"endTime":1711.6699999999998,"body":"until I was until I was in my"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1705.1299999999999,"endTime":1711.6699999999998,"body":"early 40s. Because the feelings"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1711.6699999999998,"endTime":1715.8999999999999,"body":"were terrifying to me. And so"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1711.6699999999998,"endTime":1715.8999999999999,"body":"when they came out, they felt"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1715.8999999999999,"endTime":1719.23,"body":"overwhelming. They felt like I"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1715.8999999999999,"endTime":1719.23,"body":"can't handle this, this is the"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1719.23,"endTime":1724.57,"body":"end. But it's so helpful to take"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1719.23,"endTime":1724.57,"body":"a step back and go, I didn't"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1724.57,"endTime":1728.23,"body":"feel this way yesterday, I know"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1724.57,"endTime":1728.23,"body":"I didn't. So it's possible. I"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1728.23,"endTime":1731.44,"body":"won't feel this way tomorrow,"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1728.23,"endTime":1731.44,"body":"not only possible, it's likely."},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1731.8899999999999,"endTime":1736.69,"body":"Because I feel so bad right now."},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1731.8899999999999,"endTime":1736.69,"body":"It really is just statistically"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1736.69,"endTime":1739.36,"body":"likely that it's going to get"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1736.69,"endTime":1739.36,"body":"better and better. And I love"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1739.36,"endTime":1743.47,"body":"what you said a few minutes ago,"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1739.36,"endTime":1743.47,"body":"Alex, the world can surprise us,"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1743.47,"endTime":1747.3999999999999,"body":"but only if we're here and only"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1743.47,"endTime":1747.3999999999999,"body":"if we're showing up for it. And"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1747.3999999999999,"endTime":1753.94,"body":"so there's so many things that"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1747.3999999999999,"endTime":1753.94,"body":"are going to happen to you that"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1754.12,"endTime":1756.79,"body":"you can't hope for yet. Because"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1754.12,"endTime":1756.79,"body":"you don't even know that they're"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1756.79,"endTime":1759.49,"body":"going to feel so great for you."},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1756.79,"endTime":1759.49,"body":"You don't even know all the good"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1759.49,"endTime":1763.48,"body":"stuff that's coming. And so"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1759.49,"endTime":1763.48,"body":"really just hold on to that and"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1763.48,"endTime":1767.59,"body":"to ask for help. Don't feel any"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1763.48,"endTime":1767.59,"body":"shame in that. That's why I try"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1767.59,"endTime":1771.73,"body":"to be as open as I can about my"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1767.59,"endTime":1771.73,"body":"suicide attempts. I think we"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1771.73,"endTime":1775.93,"body":"need to know to normalize those"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1771.73,"endTime":1775.93,"body":"feelings and those fears and"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1775.93,"endTime":1778.51,"body":"address them head on. And you"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1775.93,"endTime":1778.51,"body":"know, if somebody if you're"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1778.51,"endTime":1782.74,"body":"worried about someone, ask them,"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1778.51,"endTime":1782.74,"body":"ask them if they're doing okay,"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1782.74,"endTime":1785.44,"body":"if they thought about taking"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1782.74,"endTime":1785.44,"body":"their own life, you're not going"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1785.44,"endTime":1790.03,"body":"to give them the idea. That"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1785.44,"endTime":1790.03,"body":"doesn't happen. But I think some"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1790.03,"endTime":1793.3,"body":"people are just so scared to"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1790.03,"endTime":1793.3,"body":"broach that topic, but we need"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1793.3,"endTime":1796.6,"body":"to talk about it because people"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1793.3,"endTime":1796.6,"body":"going through that need their"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1796.6,"endTime":1798.34,"body":"feelings to be heard and"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1796.6,"endTime":1798.34,"body":"validated."},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1799.69,"endTime":1802.3899999999999,"body":"Absolutely. And I"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1799.69,"endTime":1802.3899999999999,"body":"love what you said about"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1802.78,"endTime":1806.56,"body":"feelings. I'm not facts, right?"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1802.78,"endTime":1806.56,"body":"I often talk about that in"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1806.56,"endTime":1809.53,"body":"therapy as well, like feelings"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1806.56,"endTime":1809.53,"body":"are valid and they're real."},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1809.56,"endTime":1813.28,"body":"Absolutely. But they're not"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1809.56,"endTime":1813.28,"body":"facts. And often our trauma"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1813.28,"endTime":1817.06,"body":"brain tells us terrible things"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1813.28,"endTime":1817.06,"body":"about ourselves. Right? And it's"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1817.6299999999999,"endTime":1821.53,"body":"and it's very hard because it"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1817.6299999999999,"endTime":1821.53,"body":"feels so real so overwhelming."},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1822.58,"endTime":1826.21,"body":"And I know that writing can be a"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1822.58,"endTime":1826.21,"body":"really good way also of getting"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1826.21,"endTime":1829.57,"body":"those feelings out right because"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1826.21,"endTime":1829.57,"body":"sometimes I can feel I don't"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1829.57,"endTime":1832.78,"body":"know about you, but I know for"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1829.57,"endTime":1832.78,"body":"myself sometimes the feelings"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1832.78,"endTime":1837.01,"body":"feel like almost too big, right"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1832.78,"endTime":1837.01,"body":"for the container of our bodies."},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1837.01,"endTime":1840.28,"body":"And so finding a way of"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1837.01,"endTime":1840.28,"body":"expressing them can be so"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1840.28,"endTime":1846.3999999999999,"body":"helpful. Through songs through"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1840.28,"endTime":1846.3999999999999,"body":"writing through. Yes, or, you"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1846.3999999999999,"endTime":1851.1399999999999,"body":"know, just anything that shifts"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1846.3999999999999,"endTime":1851.1399999999999,"body":"us out of just keeping it all in"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1851.1399999999999,"endTime":1856.54,"body":"our head and in our heart can be"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1851.1399999999999,"endTime":1856.54,"body":"so helpful. Yeah, and I'm"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1856.54,"endTime":1859.51,"body":"curious talking about life"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1856.54,"endTime":1859.51,"body":"surprising us for the world"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1859.51,"endTime":1865.24,"body":"surprising us, was kind of your"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1859.51,"endTime":1865.24,"body":"creativity, flourishing"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1865.24,"endTime":1868.57,"body":"something that surprised you"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1865.24,"endTime":1868.57,"body":"after coming out, because sounds"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1868.57,"endTime":1872.2,"body":"like you were big creative as a"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1868.57,"endTime":1872.2,"body":"child. But then that kind of"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1872.23,"endTime":1875.62,"body":"dried up, which again, I think"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1872.23,"endTime":1875.62,"body":"it's not uncommon for a lot of"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1875.62,"endTime":1879.1599999999999,"body":"trans folks. As more feelings"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1875.62,"endTime":1879.1599999999999,"body":"come up, then the creativity"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1879.1599999999999,"endTime":1883.33,"body":"goes down. Because often, you"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1879.1599999999999,"endTime":1883.33,"body":"know, that's where those"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1883.33,"endTime":1887.59,"body":"feelings come up. And we want to"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1883.33,"endTime":1887.59,"body":"keep them away, right? And so"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1887.62,"endTime":1891.6699999999998,"body":"was your creativity flourishing"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1887.62,"endTime":1891.6699999999998,"body":"after coming out as yourself"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1891.6699999999998,"endTime":1894.31,"body":"like something that surprised"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1891.6699999999998,"endTime":1894.31,"body":"you? Or something that you're"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1894.31,"endTime":1896.9199999999998,"body":"like, this makes sense? Or"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1894.31,"endTime":1896.9199999999998,"body":"something else? What was your"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1896.9199999999998,"endTime":1897.9099999999999,"body":"experience of that?"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1898.75,"endTime":1901.7559999999999,"body":"It definitely"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1898.75,"endTime":1901.7559999999999,"body":"surprised me in two different"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1901.826,"endTime":1905.811,"body":"ways. I was surprised by how"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1901.826,"endTime":1905.811,"body":"much was coming out. I mean,"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1905.8809999999999,"endTime":1910.0059999999999,"body":"I've only been doing this for"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1905.8809999999999,"endTime":1910.0059999999999,"body":"three years. And I've written"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1910.076,"endTime":1914.481,"body":"this is my third book, and I'm"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1910.076,"endTime":1914.481,"body":"about to release my third album."},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1914.55,"endTime":1918.955,"body":"So it's, it's still kind of hard"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1914.55,"endTime":1918.955,"body":"to accept how much is still in"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1919.0249999999999,"endTime":1923.43,"body":"there. Like I have so many more"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1919.0249999999999,"endTime":1923.43,"body":"things I want to do. The bigger"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1923.5,"endTime":1927.834,"body":"way It surprised me though, was"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1923.5,"endTime":1927.834,"body":"the pride I felt with it. I've"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1927.904,"endTime":1932.309,"body":"never felt proud of anything I"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1927.904,"endTime":1932.309,"body":"did in my life. And I never knew"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1932.379,"endTime":1936.2939999999999,"body":"why. Because I I achieved"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1932.379,"endTime":1936.2939999999999,"body":"success in school and work and"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1936.364,"endTime":1940.279,"body":"friendships and relationships."},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1936.364,"endTime":1940.279,"body":"But it never not one felt"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1940.349,"endTime":1944.614,"body":"authentic in a way that I was"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1940.349,"endTime":1944.614,"body":"proud of. And it's, you know, I"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1944.684,"endTime":1948.879,"body":"know that there are flaws in"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1944.684,"endTime":1948.879,"body":"everything I do, but I don't, I"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1948.9489999999998,"endTime":1952.655,"body":"don't care. Because it's"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1948.9489999999998,"endTime":1952.655,"body":"authentically me. And so the"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1952.724,"endTime":1957.1989999999998,"body":"fact that I'm able to talk about"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1952.724,"endTime":1957.1989999999998,"body":"these things, and and just love"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1957.269,"endTime":1961.5339999999999,"body":"what I'm doing, regardless of"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1957.269,"endTime":1961.5339999999999,"body":"how it's received, that's a new"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1961.604,"endTime":1965.1699999999998,"body":"feeling for me. And so that's"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":1961.604,"endTime":1965.1699999999998,"body":"the biggest surprise."},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1966.37,"endTime":1969.0919999999999,"body":"I love that"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1966.37,"endTime":1969.0919999999999,"body":"because, and I still resonate,"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1969.157,"endTime":1973.11,"body":"right? Because sometimes people"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1969.157,"endTime":1973.11,"body":"are like, Oh, that, you know,"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1973.175,"endTime":1976.999,"body":"from the outside these things"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1973.175,"endTime":1976.999,"body":"are successful. But unless we"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1977.0639999999999,"endTime":1980.759,"body":"can really feel that's an"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1977.0639999999999,"endTime":1980.759,"body":"authentic expression, it can be"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1980.8229999999999,"endTime":1984.972,"body":"really hard to own our success."},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1980.8229999999999,"endTime":1984.972,"body":"And so it's so wonderful to hear"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1985.036,"endTime":1989.055,"body":"you say I am proud that you have"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1985.036,"endTime":1989.055,"body":"achieved a lot. I mean, three"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1989.12,"endTime":1993.009,"body":"books and three albums in three"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1989.12,"endTime":1993.009,"body":"years, it's very prolific. I"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1993.0729999999999,"endTime":1997.0919999999999,"body":"don't even know how you find the"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1993.0729999999999,"endTime":1997.0919999999999,"body":"time outside. How do you find"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1997.157,"endTime":2000.981,"body":"the time I know that time is"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":1997.157,"endTime":2000.981,"body":"definitely a big challenge for"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2001.046,"endTime":2004.999,"body":"me and my creativity. So just"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2001.046,"endTime":2004.999,"body":"very selfishly, how do you find"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2005.0639999999999,"endTime":2008.888,"body":"the time October to kind of"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2005.0639999999999,"endTime":2008.888,"body":"survive under capitalism and be"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2008.953,"endTime":2012.0,"body":"so creative and productive? In"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2008.953,"endTime":2012.0,"body":"your creativity?"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2012.93,"endTime":2014.79,"body":"That's a great"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2012.93,"endTime":2014.79,"body":"point. Because so far, it's"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2014.79,"endTime":2016.4099999999999,"body":"certainly not paying for itself."},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2017.52,"endTime":2020.298,"body":"Yes, it's my"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2017.52,"endTime":2020.298,"body":"experience. Writing doesn't"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2020.368,"endTime":2024.4669999999999,"body":"bring much money generally, even"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2020.368,"endTime":2024.4669999999999,"body":"if we're successful in air"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2024.536,"endTime":2026.76,"body":"quotes, or whatever, then, yeah,"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2026.76,"endTime":2030.359,"body":"I think I made 12"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2026.76,"endTime":2030.359,"body":"cents off my first album. The"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2030.436,"endTime":2034.725,"body":"answer is that I'm still"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2030.436,"endTime":2034.725,"body":"struggling, I guess, with being"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2034.802,"endTime":2039.244,"body":"social and being, you know,"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2034.802,"endTime":2039.244,"body":"going out places and trying to"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2039.321,"endTime":2043.61,"body":"meet people. I've never been"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2039.321,"endTime":2043.61,"body":"good at that. And I'm quite"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2043.686,"endTime":2048.205,"body":"fearful. So my therapist is"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2043.686,"endTime":2048.205,"body":"actually trying to help me find"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2048.282,"endTime":2052.341,"body":"a balance. It's so great that"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2048.282,"endTime":2052.341,"body":"you're being productive"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2052.418,"endTime":2057.166,"body":"creatively. But that's not going"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2052.418,"endTime":2057.166,"body":"to fill the void of people in"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2057.243,"endTime":2061.685,"body":"your life. And so I'm, I'm"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2057.243,"endTime":2061.685,"body":"trying to let go of feeling the"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2061.762,"endTime":2066.587,"body":"need to get all of my ideas out"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2061.762,"endTime":2066.587,"body":"there. And being okay with them"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2066.664,"endTime":2071.489,"body":"being on the backburner while I"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2066.664,"endTime":2071.489,"body":"try to date or you know, dance,"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2071.5660000000003,"endTime":2076.2380000000003,"body":"which is something I love to do."},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2071.5660000000003,"endTime":2076.2380000000003,"body":"So the balance is rough, and"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2076.314,"endTime":2078.0,"body":"it's not easy to find."},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2079.05,"endTime":2081.791,"body":"I got I very much"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2079.05,"endTime":2081.791,"body":"hear that too. And also, I"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2081.853,"endTime":2085.279,"body":"didn't know that you love"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2081.853,"endTime":2085.279,"body":"dancing. I also love dancing."},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2085.342,"endTime":2089.2670000000003,"body":"And so I do have a question for"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2085.342,"endTime":2089.2670000000003,"body":"you. Around dancing and gender,"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2089.329,"endTime":2093.1290000000004,"body":"which is something I actually"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2089.329,"endTime":2093.1290000000004,"body":"really love to talk about. Have"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2093.1910000000003,"endTime":2097.054,"body":"you noticed the difference in"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2093.1910000000003,"endTime":2097.054,"body":"your relationship to dance after"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2097.116,"endTime":2101.041,"body":"coming out as yourself? And I'm"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2097.116,"endTime":2101.041,"body":"just really curious if you did,"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2101.103,"endTime":2104.779,"body":"did you dance before? Did you"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2101.103,"endTime":2104.779,"body":"not let yourself dance before"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2104.8410000000003,"endTime":2108.766,"body":"basically your relationship to"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2104.8410000000003,"endTime":2108.766,"body":"the ends and your gender because"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2108.829,"endTime":2112.6910000000003,"body":"it's such an embodied activity"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2108.829,"endTime":2112.6910000000003,"body":"expression, whatever we want to"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2112.753,"endTime":2116.6780000000003,"body":"call it art, right? And so I'm"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2112.753,"endTime":2116.6780000000003,"body":"curious about whether you notice"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2116.741,"endTime":2121.289,"body":"differences in your relationship"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2116.741,"endTime":2121.289,"body":"to dance throughout your gender journey."},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2121.86,"endTime":2123.9750000000004,"body":"This is my"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2121.86,"endTime":2123.9750000000004,"body":"favorite question I've ever been"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2124.0240000000003,"endTime":2124.32,"body":"asked."},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2125.7000000000003,"endTime":2126.15,"body":"Yay!"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2129.8100000000004,"endTime":2136.7830000000004,"body":"yeah, you said"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2129.8100000000004,"endTime":2136.7830000000004,"body":"that so beautifully. I always"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2136.942,"endTime":2146.927,"body":"love dance, but I was not able"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2136.942,"endTime":2146.927,"body":"to move my body. I took ballroom"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2147.085,"endTime":2157.0710000000004,"body":"dancing lessons about seven or"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2147.085,"endTime":2157.0710000000004,"body":"eight years ago. And you know, I"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2157.2290000000003,"endTime":2166.5800000000004,"body":"was presenting as a male at the"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2157.2290000000003,"endTime":2166.5800000000004,"body":"time. And my instructor was"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2166.739,"endTime":2176.565,"body":"trying to get me to loosen up my"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2166.739,"endTime":2176.565,"body":"hips and she was like, What's"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2176.724,"endTime":2186.0750000000003,"body":"wrong with you, and she was"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2176.724,"endTime":2186.0750000000003,"body":"physically grabbing my body and"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2181.78,"endTime":2189.61,"body":"to be. So, you know, dancing is"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2181.78,"endTime":2189.61,"body":"a very cerebral dancing is"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2186.2340000000004,"endTime":2196.219,"body":"trying to get the hip to lift."},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2186.2340000000004,"endTime":2196.219,"body":"And my mind wouldn't let my body"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2189.6400000000003,"endTime":2193.42,"body":"expressing your emotions,"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2189.6400000000003,"endTime":2193.42,"body":"without words without any other"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2193.42,"endTime":2197.26,"body":"connection, just the flow of"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2193.42,"endTime":2197.26,"body":"your body. And so it's the most"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2196.3770000000004,"endTime":2205.728,"body":"do that. And I wasn't even"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2196.3770000000004,"endTime":2205.728,"body":"consciously aware of it. It's it"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2197.26,"endTime":2200.9500000000003,"body":"beautiful thing to me, I can"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2197.26,"endTime":2200.9500000000003,"body":"watch Travis Wall choreograph"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2200.9500000000003,"endTime":2206.4100000000003,"body":"and dance all day long is so"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2200.9500000000003,"endTime":2206.4100000000003,"body":"inspiring to me. And I'm so"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2205.887,"endTime":2215.8720000000003,"body":"to me, it's still the freakiest"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2205.887,"endTime":2215.8720000000003,"body":"thing. But I loved dancing, but"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2206.4100000000003,"endTime":2210.13,"body":"looking forward to getting ready"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2206.4100000000003,"endTime":2210.13,"body":"to take ballroom dance classes."},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2210.13,"endTime":2214.51,"body":"Again, I'm looking to sign up"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2210.13,"endTime":2214.51,"body":"this month. And so far, that's"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2214.51,"endTime":2218.77,"body":"the biggest euphoric moment to"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2214.51,"endTime":2218.77,"body":"me to be wearing a dress and to"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2216.03,"endTime":2224.748,"body":"I hated dancing in couples."},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2216.03,"endTime":2224.748,"body":"Because I was it was, I was"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2218.77,"endTime":2224.2000000000003,"body":"be doing the dances I love as"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2218.77,"endTime":2224.2000000000003,"body":"the person that I am. And, you"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2224.2000000000003,"endTime":2227.5,"body":"know, being in the arms of a"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2224.2000000000003,"endTime":2227.5,"body":"guy, you know, it's, it's"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2224.9060000000004,"endTime":2233.623,"body":"having to embody everything I"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2224.9060000000004,"endTime":2233.623,"body":"hated about myself, I was"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2227.5,"endTime":2232.15,"body":"something that I wish, I wish"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2227.5,"endTime":2232.15,"body":"there weren't such boundaries on"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2232.3300000000004,"endTime":2235.84,"body":"areas like ballroom dancing. But"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2232.3300000000004,"endTime":2235.84,"body":"I feel like they're starting to"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2233.782,"endTime":2244.5600000000004,"body":"getting reinforced for it. And"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2233.782,"endTime":2244.5600000000004,"body":"in my arms was the person I wanted441"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2235.84,"endTime":2242.05,"body":"open up. But you know,"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2235.84,"endTime":2242.05,"body":"identifying as a woman. I'm so"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2242.05,"endTime":2244.48,"body":"excited to get back out there on"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2242.05,"endTime":2244.48,"body":"the dance floor."},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2243.8,"endTime":2247.9100000000003,"body":"Yeah, I'm so"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2243.8,"endTime":2247.9100000000003,"body":"excited for you. I've actually"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2243.8,"endTime":2267.44,"body":"Totally, I'm so happy that"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2243.8,"endTime":2267.44,"body":"you're getting that!"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2247.9100000000003,"endTime":2252.6800000000003,"body":"just started taking ballroom"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2247.9100000000003,"endTime":2252.6800000000003,"body":"classes again, last week, after"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2252.6800000000003,"endTime":2257.36,"body":"not doing that for like 30"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2252.6800000000003,"endTime":2257.36,"body":"years, almost. And it's such a"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2257.6000000000004,"endTime":2260.75,"body":"great feeling to go back to it"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2257.6000000000004,"endTime":2260.75,"body":"because of this. So gendered"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2260.75,"endTime":2263.21,"body":"ballroom, right. So I've done"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2260.75,"endTime":2263.21,"body":"other types of dancing, but"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2263.4500000000003,"endTime":2266.6000000000004,"body":"ballroom is so gendered but I"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2263.4500000000003,"endTime":2266.6000000000004,"body":"found a lovely studio locally."},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2267.1400000000003,"endTime":2270.02,"body":"That's so open, you know, our"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2267.1400000000003,"endTime":2270.02,"body":"instructor was like, This is my"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2269.8100000000004,"endTime":2289.9100000000003,"body":"more trans people in ballroom I"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2269.8100000000004,"endTime":2289.9100000000003,"body":"have to say that Shangela"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2270.02,"endTime":2273.8300000000004,"body":"name, this are my pronouns. What"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2270.02,"endTime":2273.8300000000004,"body":"are your pronouns? You know, and"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2273.8300000000004,"endTime":2278.36,"body":"I'm very open to kind of same"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2273.8300000000004,"endTime":2278.36,"body":"gender couples, which is always"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2278.6000000000004,"endTime":2281.9,"body":"also tricky, because the partner"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2278.6000000000004,"endTime":2281.9,"body":"I dance with, we're both trans."},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2281.9,"endTime":2284.54,"body":"And so we're like a non binary,"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2281.9,"endTime":2284.54,"body":"we're like, do you want to lead"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2284.54,"endTime":2287.57,"body":"you want me to lead? We want to"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2284.54,"endTime":2287.57,"body":"switch off, right? How do we"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2287.57,"endTime":2292.07,"body":"want to do this in a way that's"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2287.57,"endTime":2292.07,"body":"fluid and fun, right, rather"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2289.9100000000003,"endTime":2296.6600000000003,"body":"inspired me with being on"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2289.9100000000003,"endTime":2296.6600000000003,"body":"Dancing with the Stars. And we"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2292.07,"endTime":2296.78,"body":"than kind of rigid, which is"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2292.07,"endTime":2296.78,"body":"more aligned than really"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2296.78,"endTime":2300.2000000000003,"body":"realizing? Oh, yeah, even though"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2296.78,"endTime":2300.2000000000003,"body":"I'm following, which is"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2300.2000000000003,"endTime":2303.92,"body":"something I'm used to doing. It"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2300.2000000000003,"endTime":2303.92,"body":"feels totally different to do"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2303.92,"endTime":2309.02,"body":"that, you know, knowing why I"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2303.92,"endTime":2309.02,"body":"am. Even if it's the same saps,"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2309.05,"endTime":2313.3700000000003,"body":"the body feels like a level of"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2309.05,"endTime":2313.3700000000003,"body":"relaxation, that is very"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2313.3700000000003,"endTime":2317.63,"body":"different than when the world"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2313.3700000000003,"endTime":2317.63,"body":"has expectations that came with"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2315.0800000000004,"endTime":2335.0600000000004,"body":"were watching it, you know, and"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2315.0800000000004,"endTime":2335.0600000000004,"body":"I was like, Yeah, ballroom, why"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2317.63,"endTime":2319.5800000000004,"body":"that gender role, if that makes"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2317.63,"endTime":2319.5800000000004,"body":"sense."},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2335.0600000000004,"endTime":2338.57,"body":"don't I pick up ballroom dancing"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2335.0600000000004,"endTime":2338.57,"body":"again? That sounds great. I'd"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2338.57,"endTime":2346.3700000000003,"body":"like more trans representation"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2338.57,"endTime":2346.3700000000003,"body":"of ballroom what other, you"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2346.3700000000003,"endTime":2351.6800000000003,"body":"know, I feel is such a, in some"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2346.3700000000003,"endTime":2351.6800000000003,"body":"ways, we're living through yet"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2351.6800000000003,"endTime":2354.44,"body":"another wave right of"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2351.6800000000003,"endTime":2354.44,"body":"transphobia. And I say yet"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2354.44,"endTime":2357.32,"body":"another way, because it's not"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2354.44,"endTime":2357.32,"body":"like this is the first time,"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2357.5600000000004,"endTime":2363.23,"body":"unfortunately, but it's pretty"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2357.5600000000004,"endTime":2363.23,"body":"intense in here on the so called"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2363.23,"endTime":2366.5600000000004,"body":"United States. And so what are"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2363.23,"endTime":2366.5600000000004,"body":"the other things that are giving"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2366.5600000000004,"endTime":2369.65,"body":"you joy right now, I really have"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2366.5600000000004,"endTime":2369.65,"body":"been, you know, we can"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2369.65,"endTime":2372.8,"body":"definitely talk about trauma."},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2369.65,"endTime":2372.8,"body":"And I mean, I've a whole book"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2372.8,"endTime":2376.07,"body":"called Gender Trauma, so I can"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2372.8,"endTime":2376.07,"body":"talk about trauma all day long."},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2377.63,"endTime":2381.26,"body":"I'm also excited about trans joy"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2377.63,"endTime":2381.26,"body":"just because it is such a"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2381.26,"endTime":2385.73,"body":"depressing time at the moment."},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2381.26,"endTime":2385.73,"body":"So what else is giving you joy?"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2386.36,"endTime":2390.1400000000003,"body":"Besides creativity besides games"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2386.36,"endTime":2390.1400000000003,"body":"nowadays? Where are you finding"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2390.1400000000003,"endTime":2391.28,"body":"your nourishment?"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2392.6000000000004,"endTime":2398.6600000000003,"body":"Oh my gosh.  I'm a"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2392.6000000000004,"endTime":2398.6600000000003,"body":"big nerd in terms of comics and"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2398.6600000000003,"endTime":2404.42,"body":"video games. So one of the best"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2398.6600000000003,"endTime":2404.42,"body":"things is rereading the X Men"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2404.42,"endTime":2408.77,"body":"comics I did as a kid, and"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2404.42,"endTime":2408.77,"body":"realizing why I identified with"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2408.8,"endTime":2412.67,"body":"them. There's a character called"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2408.8,"endTime":2412.67,"body":"Psylocke, who was literally put"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2412.67,"endTime":2418.34,"body":"in the wrong body. And she was"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2412.67,"endTime":2418.34,"body":"my favorite and I'm like, Why do"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2418.34,"endTime":2422.63,"body":"I like this character so much?"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2418.34,"endTime":2422.63,"body":"So reading the I tried to read a"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2422.63,"endTime":2426.9500000000003,"body":"comic every night and it's so"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2422.63,"endTime":2426.9500000000003,"body":"fun to be to do an adult lens."},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2428.03,"endTime":2432.98,"body":"I'm excited about Halloween"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2428.03,"endTime":2432.98,"body":"because as a gay man, I always"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2432.98,"endTime":2436.4300000000003,"body":"felt pressure Like you have to,"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2432.98,"endTime":2436.4300000000003,"body":"you have to have a costume"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2436.4300000000003,"endTime":2439.9100000000003,"body":"that's attractive. And, you"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2436.4300000000003,"endTime":2439.9100000000003,"body":"know, it was it was kind of"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2439.9100000000003,"endTime":2443.57,"body":"irritating. I'm going to be"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2439.9100000000003,"endTime":2443.57,"body":"Belle from Beauty and the Beast"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2443.63,"endTime":2445.52,"body":"and I have never been more"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2443.63,"endTime":2445.52,"body":"excited."},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2448.76,"endTime":2451.04,"body":"I love that. Do"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2448.76,"endTime":2451.04,"body":"you have your costume ready?"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2451.28,"endTime":2453.71,"body":"I do I do. I"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2451.28,"endTime":2453.71,"body":"actually bought it two years"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2453.71,"endTime":2456.9500000000003,"body":"ago, but I wasn't brave enough"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2453.71,"endTime":2456.9500000000003,"body":"to wear it. But this year, it's"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2456.98,"endTime":2459.38,"body":"nothing's going to stop me I"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2456.98,"endTime":2459.38,"body":"will be Belle."},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2460.63,"endTime":2463.0,"body":"That is so"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2460.63,"endTime":2463.0,"body":"wonderful. And I love that"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2463.0,"endTime":2468.52,"body":"right? Because there's so much"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2463.0,"endTime":2468.52,"body":"queer coding in cartoons often."},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2468.52,"endTime":2472.03,"body":"I was just talking about this"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2468.52,"endTime":2472.03,"body":"with Sage Cotugno last week in"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2472.03,"endTime":2475.21,"body":"their interview, because they're"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2472.03,"endTime":2475.21,"body":"in, they're in animation, right?"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2475.75,"endTime":2479.11,"body":"And now there is so much more"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2475.75,"endTime":2479.11,"body":"open queer representation,"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2479.11,"endTime":2483.9100000000003,"body":"right? The new Shira or ours,"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2479.11,"endTime":2483.9100000000003,"body":"which Sage was one of the folks"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2483.9100000000003,"endTime":2488.29,"body":"who worked on that show, just"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2483.9100000000003,"endTime":2488.29,"body":"that the queer representation"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2488.29,"endTime":2493.03,"body":"that my kids have, it's like,"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2488.29,"endTime":2493.03,"body":"mind blowing. For me, compared"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2493.03,"endTime":2496.57,"body":"to our we have to find that that"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2493.03,"endTime":2496.57,"body":"queer coding, right and"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2496.57,"endTime":2500.53,"body":"characters for some of us who"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2496.57,"endTime":2500.53,"body":"are older than, I don't know, 20"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2500.5600000000004,"endTime":2506.4100000000003,"body":"years old, let's call it right."},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2500.5600000000004,"endTime":2506.4100000000003,"body":"And so I love that you're going"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2506.4100000000003,"endTime":2509.65,"body":"back to comic books as a form of"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2506.4100000000003,"endTime":2509.65,"body":"nourishment. And I'm also"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2509.65,"endTime":2514.48,"body":"wondering if you have favorite"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2509.65,"endTime":2514.48,"body":"new shows that have that kind of"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2514.48,"endTime":2517.4500000000003,"body":"better queer representation that"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2514.48,"endTime":2517.4500000000003,"body":"you're like, yes, this really"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2517.4500000000003,"endTime":2520.2400000000002,"body":"speaks to my inner child that"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2517.4500000000003,"endTime":2520.2400000000002,"body":"didn't have this."},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2521.98,"endTime":2525.9700000000003,"body":"Obviously,"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2521.98,"endTime":2525.9700000000003,"body":"RuPaul's Drag Race is such an"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2525.9700000000003,"endTime":2529.7200000000003,"body":"inspiration, not just, you know,"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2525.9700000000003,"endTime":2529.7200000000003,"body":"for the arts, and the talents of"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2529.7200000000003,"endTime":2533.65,"body":"it. But I think they go so deep"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2529.7200000000003,"endTime":2533.65,"body":"into who they are, and they're"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2533.65,"endTime":2538.03,"body":"so willing to share, it's, that"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2533.65,"endTime":2538.03,"body":"show has definitely had a big"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2538.03,"endTime":2538.84,"body":"impact on me."},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2539.4700000000003,"endTime":2543.46,"body":"I don't watch a lot of new"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2539.4700000000003,"endTime":2543.46,"body":"television, I've been watching"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2543.46,"endTime":2549.7000000000003,"body":"Mary Tyler Moore. Because again,"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2543.46,"endTime":2549.7000000000003,"body":"I always watched those shows as"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2549.7000000000003,"endTime":2554.4700000000003,"body":"a kid. And so there's something"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2549.7000000000003,"endTime":2554.4700000000003,"body":"so freeing about revisiting them"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2554.4700000000003,"endTime":2558.4,"body":"now and, and knowing why I"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2554.4700000000003,"endTime":2558.4,"body":"connect with them. So well, I'm"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2558.4,"endTime":2563.7400000000002,"body":"trying to think of a new show"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2558.4,"endTime":2563.7400000000002,"body":"that that I love, but I really"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2563.7400000000002,"endTime":2567.34,"body":"have not been watching a new TV"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2563.7400000000002,"endTime":2567.34,"body":"very much. And of course, the"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2567.34,"endTime":2568.8700000000003,"body":"second we're done, I'll think of"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2567.34,"endTime":2568.8700000000003,"body":"like,"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2570.1600000000003,"endTime":2572.8,"body":"Oh, that's okay."},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2570.1600000000003,"endTime":2572.8,"body":"But I also love this idea of"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2572.8300000000004,"endTime":2576.28,"body":"watching shows, again, through"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2572.8300000000004,"endTime":2576.28,"body":"the lens of knowing who you are,"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2576.3700000000003,"endTime":2580.51,"body":"right? That can be so powerful"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2576.3700000000003,"endTime":2580.51,"body":"as well in itself, like, I'm"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2580.51,"endTime":2583.6600000000003,"body":"watching, like, Mary Tyler Moore"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2580.51,"endTime":2583.6600000000003,"body":"or whatever show, right. And now"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2583.6600000000003,"endTime":2586.6000000000004,"body":"I know who I am. And I'm"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2583.6600000000003,"endTime":2586.6000000000004,"body":"watching it with totally"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2586.6000000000004,"endTime":2591.25,"body":"different eyes, then that makes"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2586.6000000000004,"endTime":2591.25,"body":"complete sense to me, too. So"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2591.28,"endTime":2595.09,"body":"but yes, I know, I'm the same"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2591.28,"endTime":2595.09,"body":"whenever I'm put on the spot."},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2595.09,"endTime":2598.78,"body":"I'm like, have I ever read a"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2595.09,"endTime":2598.78,"body":"book, or watched a TV show, even"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2598.78,"endTime":2601.6600000000003,"body":"though I do those things every"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2598.78,"endTime":2601.6600000000003,"body":"day, no, nothing comes to my"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2601.6600000000003,"endTime":2609.46,"body":"mind. It's very human. I feel"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2601.6600000000003,"endTime":2609.46,"body":"like I could talk with you all"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2609.46,"endTime":2613.6000000000004,"body":"day. This is so fun. And I want"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2609.46,"endTime":2613.6000000000004,"body":"to be respectful of your time."},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2614.3500000000004,"endTime":2617.44,"body":"And so I will ask you the"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2614.3500000000004,"endTime":2617.44,"body":"question that I always ask all"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2617.44,"endTime":2621.1600000000003,"body":"our guests, which is, is there"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2617.44,"endTime":2621.1600000000003,"body":"anything we have not talked"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2621.1600000000003,"endTime":2624.25,"body":"about that you were hoping we"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2621.1600000000003,"endTime":2624.25,"body":"were talking about today?"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2625.9,"endTime":2629.8,"body":"No, this has been"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2625.9,"endTime":2629.8,"body":"so wonderful. I've just loved"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2629.8300000000004,"endTime":2632.29,"body":"talking to you. In fact, I kind"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2629.8300000000004,"endTime":2632.29,"body":"of forgot it was an interview."},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2632.29,"endTime":2636.4,"body":"And, you know, just it just felt"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2632.29,"endTime":2636.4,"body":"so normal and natural. So thank"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2636.4,"endTime":2642.4900000000002,"body":"you. I guess I'm getting ready"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2636.4,"endTime":2642.4900000000002,"body":"to put out my third album, and"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2642.88,"endTime":2647.98,"body":"I'm very proud of it. It's"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2642.88,"endTime":2647.98,"body":"actually about trauma. It's not"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2648.04,"endTime":2650.6800000000003,"body":"depressing, but it's inspired by"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2648.04,"endTime":2650.6800000000003,"body":"a lot of the things that"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2650.6800000000003,"endTime":2655.3300000000004,"body":"happened. You know, getting to"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2650.6800000000003,"endTime":2655.3300000000004,"body":"write and record my first album"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2655.3300000000004,"endTime":2662.0800000000004,"body":"with literally one of my idols"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2655.3300000000004,"endTime":2662.0800000000004,"body":"was such a gift. And, you know,"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2662.0800000000004,"endTime":2665.53,"body":"it's so I still have  to pinch"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2662.0800000000004,"endTime":2665.53,"body":"myself that, you know, Blake"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2665.53,"endTime":2669.8500000000004,"body":"Lewis, is, you know, a friend of"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2665.53,"endTime":2669.8500000000004,"body":"mine and did an album with me"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2669.8500000000004,"endTime":2673.78,"body":"like that still doesn't really"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2669.8500000000004,"endTime":2673.78,"body":"compute. So I'm so grateful to"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2673.78,"endTime":2680.02,"body":"him. He actually and his support"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2673.78,"endTime":2680.02,"body":"was really influential in me"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2680.2000000000003,"endTime":2683.8300000000004,"body":"being able to come out here in"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2680.2000000000003,"endTime":2683.8300000000004,"body":"LA, he invited me to things and"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2684.7000000000003,"endTime":2687.6400000000003,"body":"just such a cool guy I"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2684.7000000000003,"endTime":2687.6400000000003,"body":"absolutely love him to death."},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2689.32,"endTime":2693.13,"body":"Yeah, and I'm working on a new"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2689.32,"endTime":2693.13,"body":"I'm working on the sequel to The"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2693.13,"endTime":2700.27,"body":"Book of Monahan, The Book of"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2693.13,"endTime":2700.27,"body":"Betancourt. And I'm really"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2700.27,"endTime":2706.1800000000003,"body":"looking forward to, to getting"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2700.27,"endTime":2706.1800000000003,"body":"into these characters at a new"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2706.1800000000003,"endTime":2709.9,"body":"place in their lives. Because"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2706.1800000000003,"endTime":2709.9,"body":"even though I wrote this, you"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2709.9,"endTime":2712.9900000000002,"body":"know, less than a year ago, I"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2709.9,"endTime":2712.9900000000002,"body":"already feel like I'm at a new"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2712.9900000000002,"endTime":2717.3700000000003,"body":"place in my life. So there's"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2712.9900000000002,"endTime":2717.3700000000003,"body":"something really exciting about"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2717.6400000000003,"endTime":2722.26,"body":"going back to these characters"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2717.6400000000003,"endTime":2722.26,"body":"that I've created. And being"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2722.26,"endTime":2726.6400000000003,"body":"able to, I say, watch them grow"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2722.26,"endTime":2726.6400000000003,"body":"as if they're, you know, their"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2726.6400000000003,"endTime":2729.61,"body":"own characters, but they kind of"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2726.6400000000003,"endTime":2729.61,"body":"are, you know, I'll be writing"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2729.61,"endTime":2731.38,"body":"them and be like that doesn't"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2729.61,"endTime":2731.38,"body":"make sense for that character."},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2731.38,"endTime":2735.79,"body":"They can't do that. So I'm Just"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2731.38,"endTime":2735.79,"body":"excited about the books in the"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2735.79,"endTime":2741.9100000000003,"body":"music and, and dating and things"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2735.79,"endTime":2741.9100000000003,"body":"like that. So, yeah, it's all"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2741.9100000000003,"endTime":2743.1400000000003,"body":"it's all good right now."},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2743.8,"endTime":2747.4900000000002,"body":"That's really"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2743.8,"endTime":2747.4900000000002,"body":"wonderful. I'd love to hear some"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2747.52,"endTime":2753.19,"body":"good solid trans joy. I think we"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2747.52,"endTime":2753.19,"body":"need that right now. And so I"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2753.19,"endTime":2757.63,"body":"hope that the listeners can also"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2753.19,"endTime":2757.63,"body":"really hear just how beautiful"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2757.63,"endTime":2761.71,"body":"and thriving your life is right"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2757.63,"endTime":2761.71,"body":"now, which is wonderful. And so"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2761.71,"endTime":2765.1000000000004,"body":"if there's anyone out there"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2761.71,"endTime":2765.1000000000004,"body":"maybe struggling or not being in"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2765.1000000000004,"endTime":2769.2400000000002,"body":"that place, knowing that that"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2765.1000000000004,"endTime":2769.2400000000002,"body":"can happen is so important, I"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2769.2400000000002,"endTime":2774.6400000000003,"body":"think. So if listeners want to"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2769.2400000000002,"endTime":2774.6400000000003,"body":"find your music, want to find"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2774.6400000000003,"endTime":2778.0600000000004,"body":"your writing, where should they"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2774.6400000000003,"endTime":2778.0600000000004,"body":"go? Is there any where apart"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2778.0600000000004,"endTime":2781.15,"body":"from your website, October"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2778.0600000000004,"endTime":2781.15,"body":"ryan.com, that they should go"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2781.15,"endTime":2785.29,"body":"like social media or, I don't"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2781.15,"endTime":2785.29,"body":"know other platforms where they"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2785.29,"endTime":2787.9900000000002,"body":"can find brochure music and your"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2785.29,"endTime":2787.9900000000002,"body":"writing."},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2789.1200000000003,"endTime":2791.5800000000004,"body":"I've actually"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2789.1200000000003,"endTime":2791.5800000000004,"body":"pulled off social media on I"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2791.5800000000004,"endTime":2794.3700000000003,"body":"have a very minimal presence"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2791.5800000000004,"endTime":2794.3700000000003,"body":"these days. And it's been great"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2794.3700000000003,"endTime":2799.23,"body":"for my mental health. So I tried"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2794.3700000000003,"endTime":2799.23,"body":"to use October Ryan is the hub."},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2799.8300000000004,"endTime":2804.63,"body":"My music is on Spotify, Apple"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2799.8300000000004,"endTime":2804.63,"body":"Music, and then my books."},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2805.0800000000004,"endTime":2810.9,"body":"They're being sold at a couple"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2805.0800000000004,"endTime":2810.9,"body":"of local shops in LA. And then,"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2810.96,"endTime":2813.9,"body":"you know, October ryan.com Is is"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2810.96,"endTime":2813.9,"body":"really where I try to house"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2813.9,"endTime":2814.53,"body":"everything."},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2815.52,"endTime":2817.86,"body":"I love that I"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2815.52,"endTime":2817.86,"body":"think a lot of people are"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2817.86,"endTime":2820.86,"body":"withdrawing more and more from"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2817.86,"endTime":2820.86,"body":"social media, because that's so"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2820.86,"endTime":2825.09,"body":"depleting, I think and so you're"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2820.86,"endTime":2825.09,"body":"like Yep, no, come to my"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2825.09,"endTime":2828.57,"body":"website. Find me there."},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2825.09,"endTime":2828.57,"body":"Absolutely."},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2829.77,"endTime":2832.6200000000003,"body":"I'm not good for"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2829.77,"endTime":2832.6200000000003,"body":"sales. But you know, my mental"},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2832.6200000000003,"endTime":2834.15,"body":"health is more important. So"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2834.55,"endTime":2836.4100000000003,"body":"your mental"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2834.55,"endTime":2836.4100000000003,"body":"health is absolutely more"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2836.4100000000003,"endTime":2840.82,"body":"important. What a beautiful"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2836.4100000000003,"endTime":2840.82,"body":"statement, I think to make. Yes,"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2840.8500000000004,"endTime":2843.4900000000002,"body":"our lives are so much more"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2840.8500000000004,"endTime":2843.4900000000002,"body":"important than that all this"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2843.4900000000002,"endTime":2847.9,"body":"pressure of social media. What a"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2843.4900000000002,"endTime":2847.9,"body":"wonderful message to end the"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2847.9,"endTime":2854.0800000000004,"body":"interview on. Well, thank you so"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2847.9,"endTime":2854.0800000000004,"body":"much for your time. It was so"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2854.0800000000004,"endTime":2857.5600000000004,"body":"fun to have this conversation"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2854.0800000000004,"endTime":2857.5600000000004,"body":"with you. I can't wait for the"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2857.5600000000004,"endTime":2860.77,"body":"second book. I haven't read the"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2857.5600000000004,"endTime":2860.77,"body":"first one. I'm very excited that"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2860.77,"endTime":2864.13,"body":"there are six more books that I"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2860.77,"endTime":2864.13,"body":"can look forward to after your"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2864.13,"endTime":2867.5800000000004,"body":"first one and dear Gender"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2864.13,"endTime":2867.5800000000004,"body":"stories Listeners and now"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2867.5800000000004,"endTime":2871.0,"body":"watchers for those of you who"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2867.5800000000004,"endTime":2871.0,"body":"are watching the episodes on"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2871.0,"endTime":2876.52,"body":"YouTube. I hope that you do read"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2871.0,"endTime":2876.52,"body":"The Book of Monahan as well as"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2876.55,"endTime":2880.78,"body":"October's first book and listen"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2876.55,"endTime":2880.78,"body":"to her albums. And that until"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2880.78,"endTime":2882.82,"body":"next time, take care of"},{"speaker":"Alex Iantaffi","startTime":2880.78,"endTime":2882.82,"body":"yourselves."},{"speaker":"October Ryan","startTime":2883.8300000000004,"endTime":2884.79,"body":"Thank you so much"}]}