Trust the Discomfort @naomiraye__

Support/Subscribe/Buy merch from the podcast: https://linktr.ee/jwhitetheprez

Back at it with the homie Rae who joins the podcast for the first time. Enjoy the show.

Transcript

Welcome, Housekeeping, No Spotify

SPEAKER_01 0:12

Yo, what's good? Welcome back to another episode of the Henny Nice Podcast. As always, I'm your host, your brother Jay White. First things first, make sure you are subscribing to the podcast wherever you're listening to this on, whether it's Apple, we don't fuck with Spotify like that. Um, Amazon, YouTube, uh, any other DSP outside of uh Spotify. Tap in, make sure you like it, make sure you subscribe to it, and share it with your people. I appreciate the support. Uh, anything else henny nice related, make sure you tap in with the link tree uh that's typically in the description. It'll take you to everything Henny Nice related, whether you're trying to get some merch, uh, listen to any of the other shows and podcasts that I've been on with my friends, and uh yeah, follow me on social media, all social media platforms

Meet Ray And Set The Stage

SPEAKER_01 1:10

too. Now, I got the homie to come get on the podcast, and she told me to address her by her alias, um so she can have some anonymity and uh, you know, not put y'all on blast and shit. You feel me? But all jokes aside, um I don't even know how to properly uh introduce you because it's not like um go way back. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, yeah. Vacant time, like 2010, nine, something like that.

SPEAKER_00 1:53

I think in 2008.

SPEAKER_01 1:56

Yeah, that could be that could be accurate. Very, that could be very accurate. Uh, but you know, the homie Ray is on the podcast with me, you know, and if any of y'all happen to know Ray, you know, she is gifted with the gift of gab. She will ask your ass some questions. She will ask for clarification and to get to the point. But nah, um, yeah, she's on the podcast, first time on the podcast, too. Maybe first time doing a podcast ever. Yes. Um, yeah, so everybody please give a warm welcome to Ray. Yeah. I'm Holland.

SPEAKER_00 2:50

I love it. That was a great introduction.

SPEAKER_01 2:52

See, see? Hey.

SPEAKER_00 2:54

You did that.

SPEAKER_01 2:55

All right, cool, cool. But um, I'm actually letting Ray take over the reins of the podcast today for this episode. Um, because yeah, I don't feel like driving. Yeah, so but um do I want to say everybody when y'all see in this episode drop, follow her on social media? Do you want people to follow you on social media like that?

SPEAKER_00 3:25

Yeah, y'all can follow me. I'll I'll drop it at the end. Yeah, I'm like, yeah, bro. Like follow me. It's okay.

SPEAKER_01 3:33

Yeah, because it's not like you know, Ray is just Ray.

SPEAKER_00 3:38

Ray is Ray.

SPEAKER_01 3:39

Ray is Ray. So it's not like, you know, oh, I do this or that. No, Ray is just Ray. Ray knows everybody. Y'all think I know a lot of motherfuckers. Ray be knowing some of us. Straight like that. But yeah, so

Why Handing Ray The Mic Matters

SPEAKER_01 3:55

the reigns of the Henny Nights podcast are being passed over on this episode to Ray, and we'll see if she's if she steers this motherfucker smooth in the right direction. Smooth off the motherfucking road. But I got faith in her. I got faith in her. So let's let's let's go.

SPEAKER_00 4:16

I appreciate that.

SPEAKER_01 4:16

What you got?

SPEAKER_00 4:17

All right, all right, all right. So this is very rare. It's a rare occasion for me because I don't normally do this. It's out of my comfort zone.

SPEAKER_01 4:28

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 4:30

So I do appreciate you taking time, you know, to reach out to me to come on here because if you know Ray, you know that I am very already. If you know Ray, you know I'm already a very quiet, mysterious, I'm behind the scenes, not in the spotlight. I really don't put myself out there to really talk about anything because I'm just a private person. So I decided, you know, he he asked me like.

SPEAKER_01 5:04

Hey, she I'm about to say she jumped at the opportunity. Now, don't get me wrong, like even for her to be a private person, so when I asked her, I'm thinking, like, nah, she ain't gonna do it. She was like, Bet, set it up. I was like, oh shit. But that's why you say you ask.

SPEAKER_00 5:27

And you may receive.

SPEAKER_01 5:28

And you may motherfucking receive.

SPEAKER_00 5:30

You may receive. You may receive. So yeah. I appreciate that.

SPEAKER_01 5:36

Yeah, no problem.

SPEAKER_00 5:36

Of course, I'm gonna give you your flowers, of course, because this is what year seven. Is it year seven?

SPEAKER_01 5:41

Or eight. What did I say on the last podcast?

SPEAKER_00 5:44

So like you said seven.

SPEAKER_01 5:45

Seven or eight. It's been a it's been a minute.

SPEAKER_00 5:47

But you've been doing this for a while, so congratulations on that.

SPEAKER_01 5:52

Thank you. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 5:53

I have to give you your flowers always.

SPEAKER_01 5:55

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 5:56

You know, just stepping out and doing your own thing. Um,

Choosing Discomfort As A Practice

SPEAKER_00 6:00

but enough about that. Um, I will say that this I decided that this year I'm going to step out of the box and do things that make me feel uncomfortable. Okay. Um, and so February started that. This episode. This starting that, yeah. For February, I said, you know what? As much as this is out of my comfort zone, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna get on here and I'm gonna talk. And it made me feel uncomfortable, but here we are.

SPEAKER_01 6:28

Here we go.

SPEAKER_00 6:30

So thank you for you know being a part of that process of getting me out of my comfort zone and just doing something that I wouldn't normally do.

SPEAKER_01 6:38

Yeah, of course. No problem. Yes, no problem at all.

SPEAKER_00 6:43

Yes, but what's been up?

SPEAKER_01 6:46

What's been up?

SPEAKER_00 6:47

Catch me up.

SPEAKER_01 6:48

Catch you up? Um, yeah, a nigga is old. We get old. Uh, not in the negative sense. I ain't gonna say I'm old, like I'm wash. Um, I think like I said on the last episode, I have like a low um I don't wanna say my patience is thin, but what I direct my energy towards has definitely shifted. And I pick I pick my battles a lot more um wisely, wisely and discreetly. Um and then also the fact that yeah, you can't give energy to every single thing, and I definitely feel that shift, which is a welcome shift, uh, because you can be uh what's the word? Um you can get wrapped up in so much so many things. And there's a lot of distractions out here. It's a lot of what do you what do you call it, things that um create brain rot on social media on social media and things like that. Um and it doesn't also it also doesn't help that the country is shit. Administration is is shit, everything is shit, shit, shit. Umplu unplug the game, restart it, new save file. Can we get a do over? But um I'm like I said, I'm happy to be here. I say that in my birthday caption, I'm just happy to be here. Um this chapter is just about balance for me and everything that I care about. And so um, yeah, I'm I'm good. I'm happy. I'm very, very, very, very happy. So no, I'm I'm

Aging, Energy, And Balance

SPEAKER_01 8:50

I'm I'm doing good. I'm solid.

SPEAKER_00 8:52

Good.

SPEAKER_01 8:53

I'm solid.

SPEAKER_00 8:53

I'm glad to hear that. Yeah, and you and you touched on a good subject because being deeply empathetic in a world that rewards numbness and just mental health as far as that goes, um, picking your battles, I know that that's something that I really struggle with. Um, and so that's something that I'm learning to kind of navigate, I guess you could say, is just learning how to navigate through the everyday life, the everyday struggles, you know? And I think that everybody kind of I feel like we don't touch on mental health a lot. Um so yeah, I definitely understand um what you mean when you say that picking your battles is very important.

SPEAKER_01 9:49

Yeah, for sure. For sure.

SPEAKER_00 9:52

And I think for me, with us reaching the mid the mid-30s and the late 30s, that I kind of had like a mental health crisis, you know, last year in 2025. That was a difficult year for me. Just a lot of stuff happened that year, a lot of change, a lot of navigating through those emotions. And I went back to therapy last year. That was really helpful. Um, and so yeah, just trying to figure out, you know, purpose, you know, what am I here for? What do I have to offer? Um, so that was one of the things that I considered when I came on this podcast. I said, you know, doing things that are uncomfortable can be good, can be a good thing. You know what I mean? You can figure out if this is something that's for you or it's not. And because I am so, you know, closed off and I don't typically talk a whole lot, I said, you know what, like let me see what this feels like, you know, let me see if this is something that I could do in the future, you know? And maybe not all the time, but just would I hop on somebody else's podcast? Yeah, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 10:59

Yeah. So I do, okay. I have a question for you. So as somebody who um I guess I don't know if recently like would be the correct term, but within the past year you have decided to go to therapy. Um since we're on that topic right now. Um what was kind of the like the catalyst for you to decide that okay, um, and I've spoken about mine before too, but the moment you were just like, alright, um nothing that I'm doing or used to used to do is working for me to kind of like push through like the everyday uh hustle and bustle that we deal with, you know, with work, uh kids, um interests and ambitions outside of you know work, uh just

Empathy, Boundaries, And Mental Health

SPEAKER_01 12:10

personal stuff. Um it can be anything. Um I think I said kids, whatever it may be. Yeah. Yeah, what maybe what made you finally be like, all right, I think this may be beneficial for me to actually sit down and talk to somebody in order to help assist me get to where I want to be and essentially who I want to be. So what was that kind of like that tip, if you want to call it a tipping point? What was that what was that moment for you?

SPEAKER_00 12:51

Yeah, life became heavy, you know, inflation happened, you know, and I'm a mother. I have four children, so just the cost of life is expensive.

SPEAKER_02 13:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:02

And so navigating through them changing, facts, facts, navigating through those changes, you know, feeling like you were able to comfortably provide for yourself and your household, and then suddenly you feel like, you know what, I might have to look in and get inside hustle. Like I might really have to figure out what else is there that I want to, you know, um, look into as far as interests. Um, but it was just that, and then just my mental everything was just weighing on me heavy. I felt like a lot of things were changing around me. Um, and I was kind of in a stagnant place. So I had to figure out how I can get out of that stagnant every day, same routine. I'm comfortable with what I know. Let me step out of that and do something that is different from what Rachel would normally do.

SPEAKER_01 13:59

Right.

SPEAKER_00 14:00

Um, and so me just having a want and need for just fulfillment. Like you want to be able to offer um resources to others around you. You want to be able to um just be a person that can uh be beneficial in other people's lives. And so I just feel like um I felt like I wasn't being useful, I guess you could say. And so I wanted to tap into what makes me who I am. Like, okay, what more is there to Rachel than just who she is? And I can really say that that stemmed from I was at a basketball game and I ran into an old friend, and he I remember he asked me, he said, Hey Ray, he's like, I see you around all the time. He was like, But what makes you you? Like, what makes you be who you are? And I literally couldn't answer. I'm just like, at the end of the day, I'm a mom, you know, I'm a friend, I'm a sister, I'm all these different roles, I'm all these different titles to other people. But he was like, Who are you? Like deep within, like what type of person you are? What are your hobbies? What do you want to do? And it was in that moment where it was just like, damn, like, I didn't know how to

Therapy, Purpose, And Fulfillment

SPEAKER_00 15:20

answer that question. Yeah, and I think oftentimes we walk around and we have these titles, and we have, you know, we're always searching for more. You know, we reach, we reach some type of goal that we've set for ourselves, and then we want more, you know what I'm saying? Like, what's next? Yeah, and so I think I got to that point where it was just like, what's next? You know what I mean? Like, where are we going from here?

SPEAKER_02 15:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:49

So I really think that that's really kind of what the turning point was for me. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:55

Yeah. That's a common I've had that feeling too of like you accomplish, you kind of go through the highs of like things you may have set aside for yourself in terms of like goals and like uh vision, vision boards and lists and things like that, and you get so wrapped up in the um like the checking off process. Checking off the list. Yeah, checking off the list process and sometimes you don't realize that it's cliche, but like the journey leading up to you checking off said item is like the actual part of life or the process where it's like the little you get the nuggets and the the actual um you wanna call it fulfillment. You know what I'm saying? Like the purpose, yeah, the actual purpose, not the I'm this, this, and this. The purpose doesn't lie in that, the purpose is the actual work you put forward, like the one foot after the other, the step that you take. The impact that you take. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Along the way and stuff like that. Yeah, right, right. Exactly. Yeah, and so um, yeah, I can imagine that um that type of conversation could like rock rock your rock your core, essentially, because it's like, damn.

SPEAKER_00 17:29

That's a that's a deep question.

SPEAKER_01 17:31

That's a good question. I don't I don't know how to answer that.

SPEAKER_00 17:35

I was looking clueless, like, you know what, I I really didn't have an answer, you know. And so I think that was that moment where it was just like, yo, you really gotta tap into your purpose and what are you here for and what what's the reason? And so after I've, you know, had time to think about it, I said, you know, I have to start doing things that make me feel uncomfortable in order to thrive, you know what I'm saying, and not stay so stagnant. So I agree that this year I would, every single month, I would do one thing that makes me feel uncomfortable or out of the box. Okay, here I am with you. Yeah, doing something uncomfortable, but really I just hope that for 2026, at the end of it all, you know, I figure out what it is that makes me feel, I guess, fulfilled and complete.

SPEAKER_01 18:32

Yeah. Yeah. That's real.

SPEAKER_00 18:34

Finding that purpose.

SPEAKER_01 18:35

Yeah. And also, I don't think that that's something that is uh like a again, it's not a a check checkbox for that either. It's uh a constant thing because not to get too uh philosophical or anything like that. But on some real shit, it's um like for me, I would have never thought that um I would funny enough, as like 37, like when I was growing up, I never envisioned what my 30s would be like. It was always like my 20s is gonna be this. My 20s is gonna be so fucking lit. And my 20s were lit, don't get me wrong or whatever, but my 30s have kind of really been like, again, if you want to talk about the the journey and and whatnot, has really been where the actual like those nuggets again about who I truly am and who the person that I want to be, the the brother I want to be, the um the friend I want to be, the um boyfriend I want to be, the son I want to be. That's kind of where a lot of um like my happiness has come in. It's actually the journey and learning more about myself and seeing how my perspective has changed on a lot of things. Because I mean in your 20s, you're you reckless. And you yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're not yeah, yeah, you living or whatever. But like my 30s, like honestly, it's also I've been living, but it's also been I've um

The Question That Shook Ray

SPEAKER_01 20:30

had much more of an appreciation of the things that I've gone through and the things that I've um I have accomplished, not to say you know, not to say your accomplishments aren't important, but umce I accomplish those things, it hasn't been that whole like, alright, what's next? Like I've been I've enjoyed Oh, you've enjoyed it. Yeah, I've enjoyed the process going up to accomplishing certain things. And also enjoyed the end results of those accomplishments, but it hasn't left me like um empty at the end. You know what I'm saying? It's not like I have to fill that with something else, you know what I'm saying? So there's always there's something like that. Exactly, exactly. Exactly, exactly. So it's more so been like, okay, I did this. Yeah, I may want to accomplish some things along the way or come up with or again stretch myself outside of my comfort zone and stuff like that. But um I'm not uh what's the word I'm looking for? Um I'm good.

SPEAKER_00 21:39

You're content with where you are, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:41

And not and then people but with but when people say content, they be like, Oh, you just happy with whatever. It was like, no, I've done a l I've done a lot.

SPEAKER_00 21:49

Right, right, right, all right.

SPEAKER_01 21:51

Yeah. And so it's like, yeah, I of course I'm always gonna want to continue to push myself and push myself outside of my comfort zone.

SPEAKER_02 21:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:59

Um And you know, the the the path I'm on now has done that. Like, if you would have told me when I was 20 that I'd be speaking uh with you know my teammates and my colleagues from work at a uh a um transportation conference, I'd look at you.

SPEAKER_00 22:19

That's a big deal.

SPEAKER_01 22:19

I'm like, you crazy as hell, but yeah, I did, you know.

SPEAKER_00 22:25

You're living in your purpose. I can honestly say that about you from the outside looking in. I really feel like you've you've accomplished the things that you know you went to school for a long time and you accomplished I'm a lifetime student. Always learn.

SPEAKER_01 22:41

Always, bro. Lifetime student. And it's so crazy because like in high school, I was like, ugh, school. But you know, that's what they push on you. You go to school, you get the you get your degrees, and you get your big boy, big girl job, and you get your white picket fence, and you get your big head babies, and you get your two dogs, you get you a baddie for a wife, and then you know, you off to the sunset, you know what I'm saying? But um life ain't like that for a lot of us, but um, but I have a lifelong student. It's so crazy. Like, I used to want to be a lawyer, attorney, and the length that I've been in school constantly like picking up new stuff, I could have probably been a lawyer by now. I could have been a fucking attorney by now.

SPEAKER_00 23:32

But do you ever regret that? Or do you feel like you're you're you're where you're supposed to be?

SPEAKER_01 23:38

I'm where I'm supposed to be. I don't rec I don't really regret that at all.

SPEAKER_00 23:42

Um I don't think I knew that about you.

SPEAKER_01 23:44

Yeah, I started off uh I was gonna be uh I was gonna be a fed um federal agent and one of the the big three.

SPEAKER_00 23:59

What brought that up?

SPEAKER_01 24:01

Um because I like law and order. I fell in love with law and order and I was already a criminal justice major because I knew I wanted to go somewhere in that direction. And it it would bounce back and forth between attorney and like customs agent or fet, you know, some type of federal agent. And then I shifted to uh communications and you know, the rest is history from doing a blog

Purpose In The Process

SPEAKER_01 24:30

to doing the podcast, all types of stuff. I've done all types of stuff.

SPEAKER_00 24:36

Party promoter, like I'm like and I don't think I knew you back in that time parties, but you have talked about it on your podcast before.

SPEAKER_01 24:48

When we when we met, uh I probably wasn't yeah, I wasn't doing them at the time. I was on like a mini break. And then I would pop in, pop in and out as necessary. Um because uh like we would tap like the whole squad was tapped in on social media. So you do know that about me. Like I've always been on on social some type of social media doing something, and so yeah, that was um uh valuable to party promoters. So yeah, I was always doing that. Yeah, I don't think we met when when I was doing a part doing parties, but um, but yeah, again, like but doing that though to bring it back, you know, all the way around, like doing that allowed me to meet different people, yeah. Um and so, and then I was able to maintain relationships with those people, and a lot of those people are doing dope things now. A lot of those people I've had on the podcast, so um, yeah, just always being uh solid to people, you know, being good to being good to people, you know, being, you know, the values my parents instilled in me and stuff like that has carried me a long, long way. And so yeah, that goes back to that content thing, like um being in the rooms and being in spaces that I would have never thought I would be in, but some some of that is from being just A1 with people from back in the day, and then they they can speak highly of you, and the benefit is down the road, yeah, they're like, oh yeah. He's solid. Yeah, yeah, he's solid, he's solid, you know, you're doing this, and so um, yeah, it's always it's always about the journey. So, and that's kind of carried me, continue to carry me, you know, even even now. It's just like the process. Put me out, put me out of my comfort zone, you know, stretch, you know, stretch what I thought I could do, and then you look up like, damn, I did that.

SPEAKER_00 27:22

You did that.

SPEAKER_01 27:23

Okay, say less. All right, cool. And then you can just keep you keep pushing. So yeah, it's dope that you took stock in that and what was said to you, and you're like, yeah, all right, I'm I'm gonna keep stretching and getting out of my comfort zone because it's important.

SPEAKER_00 27:41

So and I think I just want to offer a space where everyone just has room to be themselves. I feel like a lot of things are very like performative in a way now, and so it's just like behind it all, I just want people to feel like I can be who I am without, you know, having to having to put off this persona of like you're not being yourself, you know, and so um I guess that's that's really what I kind of hope. Like, as far as like what I offer in friendships and relationships, like I just want people to feel like they have a place where they can be themselves. And so I do appreciate you just allowing me to be here to kind of just talk about that. And I also wanted to ask you some questions because we know you like to play games.

30s Perspective And Contentment

SPEAKER_00 28:30

So I said, let me go ahead and play a little questions game with James and see where you're ahead at within. Okay, you know, so what some of these questions are a little uncomfortable, but we we gonna see.

SPEAKER_02 28:48

All right.

SPEAKER_00 28:52

After a disagreement, do you initiate a makeup conversation or do you wait for your significant other two? Are you the first to apologize, or are you the person to kind of just wait to see if they're gonna say anything?

SPEAKER_01 29:09

Um it depends on what it is. Yeah, it depends on what the disagreement is about. Um I will say I ain't always been this way. Uh, cause a nigga used to hold a grudge, bruh. Nigga be like, man, fuck that shit, nigga. I ain't some, I ain't saying shit. I ain't fuck out of here. Fuck, I gotta say the first motherfucker to say something for. Um, but uh I have gotten better at apologizing for whatever role I may have had in disagreement. Yeah. Um that's not to say that um I'm just apologizing for the sake of apologizing. You know what I'm saying? But um if I feel like, okay, that I looked at something the wrong way or took something in the wrong context, or um even like even down to be like, oh, I'm sorry that that that that offended you. Like clearly if somebody's bringing it to you It bothers them, it bothers them. So like saying saying, Oh well, I'm sorry that offended you just being like I I can see how that upset you. Yeah, and I'm sorry. Um, just taking it, taking that route with it. Um and so it's just a matter of taking your ego out of it, which is hard.

SPEAKER_00 31:00

It's hard for me.

SPEAKER_01 31:01

Hard as fuck. Um very hard. And so I've gotten better at it. Um and that all they also with you apologizing doesn't necessarily excuse me, also doesn't necessarily mean that whoever you have wronged is gonna be quick to get over it.

SPEAKER_00 31:25

To be receptive to the apology, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:27

Yeah, or um yeah, yeah, be receptive to say apology. Like they may, they may say, you know, I accept it or whatever, but that doesn't mean that like it's it's gonna go back to quickly being like ha ha kiki type shit. You know what I'm saying? But yeah, I have gotten better at it, but you know, I wasn't always like that. I definitely was on some like, man, fuck them. Fuck them. Yeah, I ain't worried, man, whatever, bro. They get over it, bro. But that's not true. Yeah, that's not the that's not the appropriate way, though. Unless somebody like truly like um offended you or wrong you. Yeah, yeah. That makes sense.

SPEAKER_00 32:08

So I have a hard time apologizing. I'm not gonna lie. I'm working on it.

SPEAKER_01 32:17

Because you feel like, oh shit, this motherfucker got something over me.

SPEAKER_00 32:20

Yeah, kind of in a way.

SPEAKER_01 32:22

I used to feel like that.

SPEAKER_00 32:23

I hold grudges for sure. I do. And I've trying, I've and in therapy I've talked about that. Like, yo, I really hold grudges. Like, how do I move forward after I feel like somebody's wrong me? It's hard.

SPEAKER_02 32:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:37

It's really hard for me.

SPEAKER_02 32:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:39

Like, I think of the I'm not gonna say I think about it all the time, but it's just one of them things like, how do you overcome obstacles? Like, it be hard. So that's one of, yeah. I got it. But I've been trying to get better about it, but yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:57

That's real. That's real.

SPEAKER_00 33:00

The next question I had for you was what's the silliest excuse that you made to get out of a date that you didn't want to be on? Or have you had to do that before? And it may not apply to you, but uh silliest. Like, have you ever met up with somebody and you were just like, Yeah. Or did you see it through?

SPEAKER_01 33:29

Goss

Lifelong Student And Twists In Careers

SPEAKER_01 33:30

to see it through, my boy. Um Damn. I'm trying to think. I've told the story on the podcast before where I told a What you do? Where I was it was this, it was when I was like a teenager though. Where I I had my homeboy tell a girl I I died. We did talk about that.

SPEAKER_00 33:54

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:55

We weren't going on no damn date, obviously. I wasn't going on a damn date at a well, I mean, you could go on a date of 14, 13, 14, or whatever. Little powwow to the tilt. Um so I wouldn't I wouldn't count that.

SPEAKER_00 34:12

Uh maybe it didn't happen to you.

SPEAKER_01 34:17

Yeah, I can't honestly, I don't think if I ever was going to meet up with someone, I think I've saw it through for the most part. Now I've had motherfucking buyers remorse before of going uh I got catfished before. Um also this is also when I was like fit like 15, 16. Um yeah, I'll just leave it at that. I got I got I got catfished and uh I was you can I was visible, I'll never forget. I was with my older my older cousin. Shout out to my cousin G. And like this is when uh Medea's um not yes Family Reunion came out. Okay, yeah, it wasn't Diary of a Mad Black Woman, it was family reunion. And uh, you know, my cousin and he was he was married. My uh uh my cousin-in-law. It was like it was like a uh it was like an outing. Okay. You want to call it a triple date, you could call it that or whatever. But like, you know, he with his wife or whatever, and I'm like, I got a little woo-woop that wanna come to the movies with us.

SPEAKER_00 35:43

You couldn't wait.

SPEAKER_01 35:44

And uh did we go to the mills? Yeah. Did we go see the movie at the mills? I think we went to go see it at the mills. But um, obviously I wasn't driving, so um my cousin was kind enough to go pick up my little woo-op and whatever. And then uh she walked out the house, and I was like, fuck! Oh I learned a very valuable lesson though. If they if they picture ain't on the page, like an actual real picture, this was Black Planet time, so just to give you kind of like context. It's not Facebook, but it was Black Planet. Um, if their picture wasn't on their page, don't do it. Don't don't do it. And she walked out the crib, bro, and I was sick. I was sick, I was sick, man. But um, yeah, she wasn't, I'll put it like this. She wasn't what I was expecting.

SPEAKER_00 36:49

So did you talk to her again?

SPEAKER_01 36:51

No. No. We didn't even stay for the whole movie. Um, I forgot the reason why we left the movie early. But uh, yeah. We didn't stay the whole movie and dropped her back off and I got clowned. But but uh yeah. I for the most part see see the see my dates through for the most part. I don't really uh cut them short. Cut them short. Um the only other situation uh that I had maybe was it was this this girl that um like was on like was putting a full court press on it tough. And uh she really wanted me to show her around because she was stationed at uh Sky Air Force Base. And so um she wasn't from here. Um she wasn't from here, but she got stationed here, and so you know, it was one of those things like you chit-chat back and forth on Facebook, and you know, she was kind of like, you know, I always thought she was this and that, and like I'm finally here in St. Louis and like want you to show me around. And I'm like, all right, cool. And then like when we we met, and she wasn't, you know, she was my speed and everything. Bitch was crazy though. Bitch was crazy as fuck. Um we went, I forgot where we went. We went to like the mall and some other shit or whatever, and like

Relationships Built On Being Solid

SPEAKER_01 38:30

military military bread is different, very different. Them motherfuckers are some tricks, yeah. So uh she was willing to spend money, but she was just like, yeah, you know, if I buy this for you, we go together, type shit. Like, we gotta be together type shit. And like, I ain't I ain't wanting to be signing no death row contracts out here, you know what I'm saying? So no no uh no bad boy 360 deals. Um, so I was I was off of it.

SPEAKER_00 39:05

No, I get that.

SPEAKER_01 39:06

And we were supposed to get together that night and go out. So I was in college at this point because this is around the time 609 was popping.

SPEAKER_00 39:13

Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 39:17

To kind of get you uh the window, this is like 2010, probably anywhere between 2010 and 2012, that time, that kind of time frame, probably more like 2010. Um and yeah, we were supposed to go through that and that never materialized, and probably for uh the best the best um because she probably would have smoked my ass. Knowing how I was like knowing how I was back then, she probably it was probably God's grace that that didn't turn out how it could have turned out, because yeah. But I was never I I yeah, dah, I'm not to to to splurge and uh we go together type shit. And you and them, I don't even remember what she was, you know, uh military air for I don't know what she was, but I wasn't playing. I wanna I wasn't even gonna play them games. Fuck them, fuck around and get fuck around and get smoked. Nah, I'm cool. Um I'm good. I'm all the way good.

SPEAKER_00 40:25

So okay.

SPEAKER_01 40:27

Yeah. That was a long ass answer, but that was a long-ass answer, but yeah, I wasn't, I wasn't, yeah. I'm cool.

SPEAKER_00 40:38

Okay. My next question is would you rather your partner protect your feelings with a lie or always be brutally honest?

SPEAKER_01 40:48

Please.

SPEAKER_00 40:49

Be brutally honest.

SPEAKER_01 40:50

Yeah, please. Please, please, please. I, yeah. There's no reason to lie to me. And I that's like a boundary you set early on in your relationship, though.

SPEAKER_00 41:06

Yeah, no, it is.

SPEAKER_01 41:08

I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck what it is. Keep it a buck with me so I can make my own decisions, decisions based off based off whatever it is.

SPEAKER_00 41:19

So um do you feel like another question that I think that me and my friends often talk about is do you feel like people often love you in your love language or how they prefer to love you, if that makes sense. You know, people have preferences, and sometimes people will give you gifts, and that might not be what you want. You might want understanding.

SPEAKER_01 41:40

Yeah, no, that's real. Um so I hate the whole like social media. Look at me on a soapbox. Um the whole messaging behind like you're not supposed to teach the motherfucker how to love you.

SPEAKER_00 42:02

Like, they should already know.

SPEAKER_01 42:03

They should already know. Yes, you are supposed to teach somebody how to fucking love you. It's not

Safe Spaces Over Performance

SPEAKER_01 42:10

one size fits all. Now, what I think people are trying to say is like there are certain like common courtesies and like common sense morals that you're supposed to have when dating with somebody. Like obviously, like if you're I don't want to say pretending, but if you're putting up no, we'll go with pretending. If you're pretending like you want to be exclusive with somebody, um it might be best to let them know, like, hey, like, you know, I really like where things are going. However, I got five bitches waiting on me in the tuck. So, like, I don't want you to like be like we're we're completely exclusive when I know I got five niggas or five bitches in the bitches in the tuck, and then it's not really that, you know what I'm saying? Um, and so no, I get that. Yeah, there is a level of teaching somebody how to to love you because it's not everybody isn't the same, everybody is different. Um, I might somebody might value uh quality time, and you're just throwing money at the situation. Throwing money and gifts at the situation. Well motherfucker, I got my own money and get my own shit. You know what I'm saying? But I need you to actually spend time with me. Or like we're spending time together, but I need you to actually affirm me. Words of affirmation. You know, let me know what it is, type whatever. Like, yeah, the time is cool, but you're not saying nothing in that time. And here's what I actually need. You know? Um. So that whole discussion around, yo, you shouldn't have to teach anybody. Yeah, you should. There, like, of course, there are fundamental things like, yeah, don't don't lie to me, you know, um health, health situations, you know, all type of shit. You know, that's like, yeah, okay, that makes sense. But um do you like dinner dates? Do you like uh movie dates? Do you like museum dates? Do you like um everybody likes different

Ray’s Question Game Begins

SPEAKER_01 45:00

stuff? Yeah, everybody likes different things. Everybody likes, and people try to reduce it down to like a common denominator, and everybody's not the same. Everybody's not the same. So yeah. I mean, like, hey, here are the things that I value. Or my these are my non-negotiables, and then we go from there. So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 45:27

So this is more of like a this or that question. This is my last question for you. Okay, would you rather have a partner who supports you in every single thing that you do, or one that challenges you to improve in ways that you might not agree with?

SPEAKER_01 45:44

I personally um, and obviously y'all know I'm in a relationship. So I prefer to, I don't want to just be told something just because okay, I know this is what you're gonna like to hear. Um be told.

SPEAKER_00 46:11

You have room for growth.

SPEAKER_01 46:12

Yeah. I know I'm not perfect. Alright, I'm about to say, already no, I'm not perfect. I got I have flaws and things that I'm constantly working on. So, like, for you to come in and um like try and butter me up and like no, you're you're you're perfect just the way you are.

unknown 46:33

I want to change your thing.

SPEAKER_01 46:34

Like, nigga, I'm in therapy. I know I'm not. So, like, why would you come in and and lie like that? So uh yeah, just be honest with me, be 100 with me. Um and I've always kind of been that way. Like, don't just just tell me what I want to hear. Like, keep it, keep it a buck with me. And I'm that's not even just romantically, though. That's like uh all around friendship, too. Like, yo, everything you'll be like, yo, am I am I tweaking? Did I yeah, am I am I tripping? Did I take that the wrong way? Um because that that contributes to that that false sense of uh self and and ego. And I'm never, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 47:21

Yeah, no, I'm gonna do that. It's a trip.

SPEAKER_01 47:23

That's a that's a slip, that's a slippery slope. So yeah, just just you know, be will be honest with me. Like you can be better at this, you you're good at this, but you can be better. You can grow here, you're bad at that. Um

Apologies, Ego, And Repair

SPEAKER_01 47:40

but yeah, I'm cool. I'm cool with it. But that also goes back to that when we were talking about uh the journey leading up to everything. I wasn't always like that.

unknown 47:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:53

Who but who who wants to fucking hear that, like, yeah, you're not good at that?

SPEAKER_00 47:58

Yeah. Have you had somebody close to you say something like that? You weren't good enough at something and it threw you off? Like, damn. Like that hurt a little bit. That stung a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 48:07

I've had yeah, my my sister, my sister is me and my sister have had conversations where she's told me she's my my my real sister.

unknown 48:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 48:18

Um, my real sister uh told me like, yo, I'm actually disappointed at you, and this is why.

SPEAKER_02 48:25

Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_01 48:26

And it like stung, because it's like, damn, I don't want to, you know.

SPEAKER_00 48:30

I don't want to hurt you, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 48:31

I don't want to let you down, no type, no type shit or whatever, but and it bothered me, it sat with me, but then I had to check myself, like, okay. What what what did she say? Could you have handled it a different way? Okay, she got a point.

SPEAKER_00 48:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 48:53

So yeah, it's I'm cool with it. I'm I'm cool with it. It's also a constant work, you know, constant work in progress, too. So there.

unknown 49:06

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 49:08

Fun game. We love games. We love games, we love question games and shit. For sure. Um, so we about to uh uh get about here. Um so I asked you this before the show started. Um, because it's not like you're promoting anything.

SPEAKER_00 49:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 49:30

But do you want to tell people where they can follow you? I'm like, do you want to share that that information? But if you do, go go right ahead.

SPEAKER_00 49:39

I'll go ahead and share. So um Instagram, Naomi Ray underscore, double underscore, two underscores, and then um shoot. The only other thing I'm on is Facebook, and that's just Ray Naomi. So that's where I can be found.

SPEAKER_01 49:55

Yep. That's where she can be found. Y'all can tap in with her. Um ask her about her her uh mental health journey.

SPEAKER_00 50:07

See she's living up to life journey, the uncomfortable thing she said she was.

SPEAKER_01 50:12

Push her to do something else.

SPEAKER_00 50:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 50:14

And we'll go from there. But yeah, fun. Glad for you. Thank you for having me. Of course. Happy you could come on. Y'all make sure y'all uh tap in with Ray. Also, follow Henny Nice wherever you're listening to this at. By his merch. Subscribe by the merch. Leave a comment, and uh, until next time, we'll holla at y'all later. Peace.