Day 93
Once again I find myself waiting.
Over the course of these days we have been waiting for a visa, for replies to correspondence, to renew health coverage, and acquire new Social Insurance Numbers. I have been waiting to see nurses, doctors, paramedics, podiatrists and pedorthists. On top of this we have been waiting for restrictions to ease, to see if travel will be allowed and to appoint some key staff. Many of these things have made good progress and we are grateful for all of that.
At the moment we are waiting for our new health cards to arrive, which we can function without using the printed version and for our visa to arrive without which we still cannot leave the country. I am also waiting for my custom walking boot to be made which I should get fitted on the 15th.
Some of this waiting is caused by waiting for people in government to do something, some of it is waiting for my body to heal and right now most of the waiting is for things to be manufactured. All of these delays have knock on implications and slowly but surely drive you crazy.
My basic problem is that as the Queen lyrics say I want it all, and I want it now.
“It ain't much I'm asking, I heard him say
Gotta find me a future move out of my way
I want it all, I want it all, I want it all, and I want it now
I want it all, I want it all, I want it all, and I want it now
Listen all you people, come gather round
I gotta get me a game plan, gotta shake you to the ground
But just give me, huh, what I know is mine
People do you hear me, just gimme the sign
It ain't much I'm asking, if you want the truth
Here's to the future for the dreams of youth
I want it all (give it all I want it all)
I want it all (yeah)
I want it all and I want it now”
I do not remember as a child asking on car journeys if we were nearly there yet. But pretty much every hill I have ever climbed I get excited that the next ridge is going to be the top or at the very least will allow a peek of the peak and I become piqued when it is not.
Discouragement only turns to defeat when we give up on the climb. A pause does not indicate doubt or despair but may in fact be an opportunity to enjoy the view. The encouragement in the hills is that while keeping going for the summit we can turn around and see how far we have come. Taking a moment to consider how we got where we are now can often turn our tiredness and disappointment into thanksgiving. It can also help us to reconsider our scheduled route plan and reorientate us to wait on the Lord.
I spend a lot more time waiting at the moment. I often do not have the ability to take the action I intend without negotiating for some assistance. I wait because I understand the dangers of the temptation to get ahead of myself. An impatient lurch forwards could send me tumbling backwards literally and metaphorically. So I need to wait.
One of the first instructions Luke records the risen Jesus giving to the disciples in the book of Acts is to wait.
“On one occasion, while he was eating with them, he gave them this command: “Do not leave Jerusalem, but wait for the gift my Father promised, which you have heard me speak about.” (1:4)
I think in their situation I might have been inclined to leave Jerusalem either as a deserter or to pursue some independent action. This waiting and wondering would have been uncomfortable. Oswald Chambers reflects on waiting from a perspective beyond what my activist self can comfortably manage to accept.
“There are times you can’t understand why you cannot do what you want to do. When God brings a time of waiting, and appears to be unresponsive don’t fill it with busyness, just wait. The time of waiting may come to teach you the meaning of sanctification—to be set apart from sin and made holy— or it may come after the process of sanctification has begun to teach you what service means. Never run before God gives you His direction. If you have the slightest doubt, then He is not guiding. Whenever there is doubt— wait.”
So I need to factor into my equation not just waiting for people, things and progress but waiting on the Lord. This immediate waiting takes place in the wider context of waiting for Christ’s return to bring salvation. James writes of the need for patience, waiting for this ultimate culmination of all of human history.
“Be patient, then, brothers and sisters, until the Lord's coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop, patiently waiting for the autumn and spring rains. You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord's coming is near.” (5:7-8)
There are three sentences there which each contain the word “patience”.
Sometimes I feel like my patience is running out. I get to the point in different situations where I feel that I have shown enough patience and that something really needs to change now. I am not in charge of the seasons. I need to wait for the rain, look forward to the harvest and stand firm.
The idiom characterises “the patience of a saint” but not having my halo anymore my best hope is patience from the Lord.
Today I am thankful that I have enough evidence to believe that all the things I am waiting for will come about in God’s time. I am grateful for the shift in thinking that all this waiting has brought. Waiting brings some unexpected benefits.
I can see that I need to learn patience and I would like to fast track that process now. But patience is one of the fruits of the spirit, and fruit can take a while to grow.
