GIRL G.O.A.T.
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GIRL G.O.A.T.
Girlfriends
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“Friends! How many of us have them?!” (cue the Whodini classic). This episode of Girl G.O.A.T. dives deep into the intricate nature of true friendship. In the unique relationships that women build with one another, comes a level of devotion and love that often withstand different phases of life. Most of us can say that we have a least one person with who we have built a “sistership”; someone who is more like family than a friend. When you have someone in your life who you can be completely vulnerable with, someone you can depend on when you need it the most, and someone who pushes you to excel to heights you didn’t know you could reach, keep them around!
In today’s episode, we get an up-close and personal glimpse of what true friendships look like. Our host and two of her closest friends, Latunya Stafford and Erica Shoto, share with us the depth of their sisterhood and how they continue to grow together over the years. As we know, relationships can be fickle, falling by the wayside with life’s uncertainties. Yet, we learn that when you have the right people in your corner mixed with positive energy and love, the indestructible bonds we form can certainly stand the test of time.
Temeka "TWRITEs" Weaver
@The Podcast Master
Musical Artist DeQuan Curry-I'M BACK (music on all streaming platforms)
Thank you for joining the Girl Goat Podcast with your host Valencia Manning. This podcast is about relationships and marriages. We will explore the ups and downs of pain and healing that women go through in relationships. GirlGoat is here to help you grow to your greatness. On this podcast, we will have real conversations with real people discussing topics such as rejection, abandonment, and infidelity. Let me know what you think of the GOAT, the Girl GOAT Podcast, with your host, Alencia Manning.
SPEAKER_04Hello, and welcome to the Girl Goat Podcast, the show that speaks on relationships. And today we're going to talk about friendships. My special guest is Latanya Stackman and Erica Shoteau. Hello, girlfriends. Hi. Thank you. Thank you so much. I'm so glad that you're joining the Girl Go podcast and you're here to talk about girlfriendslash friendships. So anyway, I'm going to just start right in and then jump right on in talking about friendships. Friendships play such an important role in our personal life. From an early age, we desire friendships. Friendships help mold and develop our adult characteristics. Do you guys agree that friendships help mold us?
SPEAKER_02Absolutely. Just even today, you know, the friendships that we have now, I do go back and try to compare that to friendships that I had at a younger age.
SPEAKER_04And I would say for me, we know parents, they develop our first initial expectations of what a friendship should be. But when friends come in, they play such an important role in our behavior. With friends, we develop the mode of being our better self. And also for us, I had a speaker on here a couple of weeks ago, Mike Link from the locker room podcast, and he talked about making each other be accountable. And I think for us, I thought about that in our friendship. We always held each other very accountable for what we did. We all had our own way of doing it. Tanya's more direct and Eric is more laid back. She might ask to go on a brunch or, hey, V, you want to go for a ride and slide it in there? But we all had our own unique way to hold each other accountable. I thought about the comment that he made on if women would hold each other accountable in their friendships, he thinks that they would be a better person. And I think that's why we all held ourselves very accountable and we maintained those expectations.
SPEAKER_03When he said holding accountable, we would be a better person. What do you think that meant? That we would hold our friends accountable?
SPEAKER_04Yes. In an instance of, say I did something, not I don't know, I heard Tanya or I did something that we know that just really wasn't friendly like or it didn't, it didn't represent us well, that you would actually talk to me about it. We didn't just allow each other to mistreat each other and allow each other to get in trouble that we didn't talk to each other about. I mean, we did a lot of partying, we did a lot of things, and even in those things, we might have even told each other, you know, we might not need to do that again. We might not need to try that again, even though we thought it came out good. I just think we did hold each other to a certain accountability. We did not let our morals go down in the way we act and what we especially during that time, we did hold each other accountable.
SPEAKER_02There were times when we did let things slide, but I think that was more because we wanted to protect each other's feelings because we knew exactly how that person may, you know, take it or whatever the case may be.
SPEAKER_03That's what I was thinking more of that we were more protective of each other's feelings.
SPEAKER_04Yes, we were. We were very protective of each other's feelings. We knew each other so well to we knew what would hurt the other person. And I really think that was great. We were so young. And to even have that in us at that time, I really mobbed at the friendship that we have and that we knew so much. We knew the value of a friendship at such an early age. I don't know, I think it speaks volumes. I think now that we look back now, and you know, at the age that we are now, and you talk to people, people don't even have friendships, or they have friendships that they're meeting now at the age. Our friendship, as far as me and Erica, our friendship goes back from high school, and Tanya goes back to freshman year of college. Yes. So those are some longevity of friendship.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, so when you say do they mold us, they definitely mold us because you know you are known by the company that you keep. Yes. So we wasn't letting each other go down these dark rabbit holes that maybe other groups of clusters of friends may have gotten into. Exactly. I think that was something good that came out of our friendship.
SPEAKER_04That brings me to the next question when I say we're three girls from Mississippi, and we left Mississippi and moved to a big city. Texas was a big city for us. And I want to start from the for me as a backdrop, you know, like you said, we looked out for each other, and I think about me. I left Mississippi with $50 and a car loaded of stuff. And I called Erica, and Erica opened her doors to me from high school, and she was just starting her career, just graduating, and starting her career, opened her doors to me. But that was a blessing for me because it opened the doors for me to leave Mississippi. It opened the doors for me to get a better job. And I won't put nothing against where we come from because that was our roots. But at the same time, Texas gave us opportunities that we did not have in Mississippi. And I wouldn't have had that opportunity if Eric would have shut her doors for me.
SPEAKER_03I think it gave us an opportunity to see something different, also, and maybe even to dream differently. Yeah. To have some different goals in mind, some different dreams. It was a big city for us. It was a big city, but it wasn't a big city that was out of hand. Exactly. It was a big city that we could still manage and maneuver.
SPEAKER_04Yes, yes. And I think we conquered it very well. What y'all think?
SPEAKER_03We did. We did. We we got our footing, we found our way around where we wanted to live, what neighborhoods we wanted to live in, and just really became that support group for each other, uh, just without even realizing it.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, Erica, and you kind of set the tone for us because honestly, it was we probably would have been afraid to step out and move to a bigger city had you not done it first. Already. Yes. And it's like, oh, okay, well, let you know, let me see if I can try that. So yeah.
SPEAKER_03Sometimes that does happen, and that goes back to friendships molding you and who you are. Once you see somebody else do something, then it's like, well, you know what? I can do that too. Right.
SPEAKER_04You were encouraging with that. When I came to you and I moved in with you, I had no job. I don't even think I had a plan. I just knew I wanted to leave Mississippi and I needed to get out. I had $50.
SPEAKER_02I had $50. That kind of sound like you. No plan, you're just gonna go for it.
SPEAKER_04That that does sound like me. That's that me, that's me. And you know, and I'm gonna come back to that because when I meet people today, they don't know that part of me, they don't understand that part of me. And I'm not gonna say they want to put me in a box, but they just cannot get that concept. But the people I grew up with, or the people that know me, they like this girl that's always been like that. She's a no mess. She would just jump up and leave and go.
SPEAKER_03She has an idea, even though it's not fully recognized or realized, but she has an idea, and she's gonna go from that idea and go step by step. Yes.
SPEAKER_04So when I moved to Texas and I had $50, I had no idea. I had no plan, no nothing, but I knew I can make it. That's one thing I think we all had in us. We all knew we could make it. And Erica was that influence because Erica, Erica went to college, she graduated. So even from college, even time you think about when we went to New Orleans, Erica graduated from Dillard. And so we would even come down on the weekends and stay in your dorm room. Even from that point, we knew education was important. We knew that you were the influence to say, okay, look, I'm gonna party with y'all when y'all come down here and I'm gonna give you a place to stay, but we gotta get this work in because I'm gonna graduate.
SPEAKER_03Oh my. We were just doing things as young women, yes, just kind of feeling our way, but never did it occur to us that we would fail. We just kind of always had it in our mind that it was going to work. Yeah, and that if this didn't work, that we were gonna go on to the next something. We never felt that weight of that this is the end. Right. Oh my god, I have failed and this is all I have. No, no.
SPEAKER_02I will say if my whole thing is you only fail if you don't try. I mean, we that's it. You gotta try.
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_03And we but failing for us wasn't even it wasn't even like it never even occurred to us. No, and I don't know if that was the the naiveness of it.
SPEAKER_02I don't know if that was what it was, but I just didn't even think that was I mean for me, especially for me coming from the Delta of Mississippi, I just felt like there was no failing for me because any any step that I took was a step up.
SPEAKER_04But it was a step out, a step up, yes, all of that. But Tanya, let me tell you, even for you, the mold that you gave me when I met you, I really never had a job, and you were the first person that actually gave me a job. I got a job with you in the summer at Dairy Queen. That was my first job, and you taught me, you taught me how to count money back, you taught me everything. So even for me, the influence was their work ethic. You know, I grew up with parents that was educated, they work, but we actually took that kind of stuff for granted. You know, friends mold you and teach you really how you're gonna be your self-development, and you was hardworking, and so you taught that to me. I don't know where I was, I don't even know what I was doing that somebody even be there.
SPEAKER_03I feel like she was the one of us that was grown grown.
SPEAKER_04Yes, Tanya was grown grown.
SPEAKER_03Yes, and she had that type of mentality, she was just a grown woman, yeah, amongst us young women. She just kind of had that mentality that went both ways. Yeah, she would play with us and party with us, but she had an entire whole family, yeah, that she was taken care of and seen to. And that was something for us to see.
SPEAKER_04She was that mold, that that icon that we saw that how this is how it's supposed to be.
SPEAKER_03It was as not just the working woman, but just as a mom, as a wife, yeah. First, first of all, yeah, was new for us. You know, the first one of our friendships of our friend groups to get married.
SPEAKER_02Yes, I was. I'm just now realizing that, guys.
SPEAKER_04Yes, yeah, that was a big deal. That was a big deal for us. I mean, and then and you know, and one of my questions was actually being the loyalty, the honesty, and the dependability. And we were all very loyal to each other, and we were honest, like you said, we were protective of each other so much that whatever we had to say, we were honest enough about it. And dependability, both of you all were, I could depend on you for anything because first of all, Erica opened her doors to me, but Tanya kept my child. When I did start working, Tanya was the one I could depend on. I didn't have money for a daycare. I don't know where I was working, but I know I didn't have money for daycare. You kept my child every day when I needed to go to work, and I never thought about that at that time that this could end, or you weren't gonna keep him, or whatever.
SPEAKER_03And you yeah, it was just that what a big responsibility it was and how reliable.
SPEAKER_02It goes back to what Erica was saying. I don't even think I even thought me not keeping them was an option. Like it was you know, it just made sense that it's just what you did.
SPEAKER_05You needed work, I needed to keep doing it.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_04But I mean, so it was like you said, we really realized we were going through it, we were living it, but it all worked so well, our personality sink. I live with I first moved there and I stayed with Erica, and then Erica and I, well, we were roommates, I think for like two or three years. And even with us being roommates, I learned from you even being roommate because I was the only girl in my household growing up. Well, Erica, you was the only child too at that time. But even then, in that sense, you taught me things even then, living with you of just things that I just didn't know, and we made it work, we did not disrespect each other.
SPEAKER_03I think we learned from each other because even though we all got along so well and were the best of friends, we were so different. Yes, yes. So when you see these friend groups on television and how different their personalities are, yeah, that was us. That was us, we were so distinctly different, yeah, but we knew that we were all we had out here. So when somebody needed something or we were going through heartbreak or disappointments or even happy times that we wanted to celebrate, we would call on each other. And it's just the way it was. We we never thought that it should be any different.
SPEAKER_04We really did.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. So when we were loyal to each other, it was just uh the trust and the love that we had for each other to respect each other's differences, yeah, but at the same time love someone so much that you always wanted them around, that you always wanted to celebrate with them. Yeah, that this was your rider die, my dependable person. Yes, here with no matter what. Yeah. So it it just came naturally. It did.
SPEAKER_04And I want to even talk about the dependability. I moved from Dallas and moved to Virginia. Once again, you know, my nomad mad plan. I left Virginia, moved back to Dallas, and was on Tanya's couch for about two months. And I was even in that instance, you just opened your doors to me. And it was a crazy time. I don't know, but I mean, it was a crazy fun time because even in that situation and in that time, you didn't make me feel no kind of way. It wasn't like, B, what you doing? What are you doing here again? I never even remember even feeling that way. I never remember going through that. It was just, okay, you're here, and we made it work. And of course, in Dallas, you can get a job in no time. So, you know, once I got a job and we actually moved out and became roommates at that point, but it was a good time for me, and I just I just really appreciate that because we had such a no-judgmental, no, you know, type of zone type of relationships.
SPEAKER_03It wasn't very forgiving of each other's differences, very much so.
SPEAKER_02Yes, it was not just friendship, we were our family out here, yeah.
SPEAKER_03Because I didn't have any other family. I think Tonya, you're the only one that had actual family that lived in Dallas. Yep. But I didn't. But V, I think you always had even when you would come from out of town and you would stay with one of us, um you always came with an idea of what you wanted to do. So that's why we never questioned you, no matter what process you were going through. You always had some idea.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And you always had this can-do mentality. Yeah. And it would seem like some crazy, oh my gosh, you don't do what? But you believed in it so strongly that we had no choice but to believe that, oh yeah, this is what we're gonna think about.
SPEAKER_05Oh, she's gonna do that. She's gonna do it.
SPEAKER_03We said it, and it is so you heard when somebody says believe in yourself, yeah. That is Valencia Manning.
SPEAKER_04I know that is so crazy, and I know I would come with some crazy convictions, and everybody just like, yeah, okay.
SPEAKER_03Okay, but it was almost like a watch me. Yeah, I'm about to do this. You had that strong can-do, and I don't know if that came from maybe your mom with her entrepreneurial spirit, yeah, but I remember you always working in your mom's businesses from when we met in high school. This is what you were doing.
SPEAKER_04I sure was. I think my mom opened up an ice cream parlor and I was working in the ice cream shop.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, and I would come there and you were there by yourself, manning it as a teenager. I was so impressed by that. I just wanted to be around you just to soak that up. Yeah, you know, so a part of that coming naturally for our friendship is that each one kind of held that sort of bond, yeah, that kind of natural gravitation. Yes, that each one we kind of fed off of each other. I got something from Valencia, I got something from Tiny. It just fed my spirit, and that's how we were.
SPEAKER_04We sure was. We were we were great affluences, and that's what I want the Girl GOAT audience to really feel from friendships and relationships is that you gotta have those people in your lives that's helping you grow and that's moving you to that next level. And we all moved each other to that next level that took us to where we are now. It planted seeds in us that grew. I just love that about our friendship. I really do, how we interpret each other.
SPEAKER_03That's what I would wish on my friendships for my sons, is that they meet with people who have a genuine interest in them and their growth and their well-being. We knew we were out here together and we had to take care of each other and be concerned about each other's well-being. I didn't want you to do something unsafe as much as you didn't want me to do something that was maybe unsafe or not a good idea, or you may want to be careful. So we watched out for each other even in that way. And sometimes we had to have some hard conversations with each other.
SPEAKER_04Yes, where feelings would get hurt, yes, yes, because I was very strong will, and then not only that, I was I wasn't tactful, you know, that took a long time to even understand that this is how you need to talk, this is what you need to say, because everybody else knew how to say whatever they had to say to me, and they would come. And if it was something too hard, they'll just give it all to Tanya and be like, Oh, you tell her, you talk.
SPEAKER_03No, we were good for that. We were good for that. It was like, who better be received from? We knew that go-to person for that person, yes.
SPEAKER_04We were good at that, it does not have to come from me, you go tell her. So, like you said, just telling your boys and getting that in sync personalities because everybody is not that person for you, and everybody is not gonna inspire and encourage you to grow. And everybody does not have good influences for you to be in the circle, and you have to let those people go. You know, you gotta let them go and get them out your circle. And that's another question I want to bring to you guys was when we do meet new people, because now we're you're we're older and we meet new people, I know. The people that I meet in my life, the core of that foundation comes from you guys. It doesn't matter who they are, their personality and the core is always similar. And I say that to them, you remind me of uh, you remind me. It's always the core of that same foundation that I started from.
SPEAKER_02Isn't it? But even to this day, I cannot find another person like Erica. I don't know if that makes any sense to you, V, but it's just like no matter how many friends that come and you know come along, I cannot find another one like Erica. Erica is a person that will just she just sits back and just listens, kind of soaks it in, and there's no judgment. Okay, all right, time. Yeah, yes, I love that about Erica. So I don't care how many people I come across, there's not gonna be another E.
SPEAKER_04Yes. Now that is true. I might get one that's that's passive and listen, you know, and listen, but yeah, yeah, you're right. That's me.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, and uh, you know what? I was like that for a long, long time. It's only been recent years that I've noticed a change in my style of friendship. Okay, I feel like everybody grows and changes, and that's why friendships grow and evolve, because everybody's not the same person they were, especially as teenagers.
SPEAKER_04Exactly. Exactly.
SPEAKER_03So it takes some real mature relationships to be able to withstand time. Yes, because I might not be the same, you know, laid back, super go easy person that I was at a young age. Yes, and sometimes we're looking for you to stay and be that same person.
SPEAKER_04That's true, and that can hinder the relationship from evolving because you don't expect that person to come out their shell and say what they might say. And I think for me, I needed to evolve, you know, I needed to not be so harsh, not be so tactful in the things that I would say. I know that when I was younger, of course, I had no filter. So I was like, now what was that?
SPEAKER_03What's that? You would ask anything that would. But you know what? And as much as she was a straight shooter, I was one of those that shied away from because even though I was trying to shot away from Valencia was gonna bring it to me straight up in the face and let me know this is what I'm seeing, this is what happened, and I don't like that. I'm feeling some kind of way about it. So I had no choice but to kind of pull out of my shell somewhat so we could be one-on-one with a conversation. Even though you were blunt, I was kind of OCD, I remember when we lived together. So I was one of them that was gonna divide the bills up down to the penny.
SPEAKER_04Yes, and uh and we'll write it on the bill 99 and one cent. Is that okay, B? And one cent and one cent.
SPEAKER_03Like that is I didn't think I didn't think anything of it until Valencia was like, wait a minute, why you gotta now just go around that or but I felt like I was being so fair, but that was just my OCD, those were just my little nuances that were about me that you just kind of let slide or you kind of went with because oh, that's just Erica being Erica.
SPEAKER_04But at the same time, it was crazy because that's your OCD, but at the same time, it kept me on my toes, it kept me responsible, it kept me to pay my bills, it kept me, you know, being responsible. And I needed all of that. You were on top of that, and I even remember I don't know what we were doing at this point, but we got this bright idea. We're gonna work two jobs because we wanted to do something, and you picked up that night job. I was like, Yeah, I'm gonna do it too. Well, we were crazy. I have no idea what what was the logic behind that.
SPEAKER_02How long do these jobs like? How long do the jobs last? The second job.
SPEAKER_04So Erika got a job that she got a job at night and get off in the morning and come home and then go to her real job in the morning. So I got the bright idea that I'm gonna do it too, but I was gonna go throw newspapers at night and then get up and then go to my regular job. Oh no, it didn't last long at all. And I was a girl. The people at the newspaper thing, they were laughing. They was like, You can't even roll your papers.
SPEAKER_03That yes, I remember all of that. That was some insight for us, but that was one of those things again where we thought I would just do this, and it's gonna be just as simple.
SPEAKER_04And I don't even know what we were trying to do. I have no idea, but anyway, that was another bite of now, but it didn't last long. It did, yeah. But that was one inspiring the other.
SPEAKER_03Yes, so going back to the original conversation about friends molding each other. Friends can mold you for good, and friends can mold you for bad. Yes, and we were just fortunate, yes, that ours was good.
SPEAKER_04It wasn't good intentions, exactly. Yes, we all had good intentions. One of my questions I want to bring out that we left no one behind. Now they say it's a saying pay it forward, pay it forward. But we had the ground relationship like that. We didn't leave nobody behind. I don't care if we were out, I don't care if we were whatever party we was at or wherever we were, we didn't leave each other behind. We all moved forward together.
SPEAKER_03Um the funny thing about that is that sometimes some people want to be left behind. Wow, and we were like, No, you come, you coming too. We came together, we leave it together. That is true. That's what I mean about that. Sometimes we somebody didn't want to be involved. It's like, no, we all gone.
SPEAKER_04That is true. That is true. Now we all went out together, we all had to leave together. I mean, we just it wasn't no qualms about it. So we have done everything. We've gone from place to place, state to state, and it's so crazy that not only were we roommates, we wasn't from Texas, so we would travel home together, we parted together, we we really did everything. Work together. I'm just adding, yeah, absolutely. Yes, friendships are very important, and you should let your friendships influence you in the right way to help you grow and to grow into your greatness, and it's all in the foundation of your friendships that will take you there, and finding those people that can influence you to move forward is very important. No matter what stage you are in your life, if you don't have those childhood friends or those college friends, then even as adults, we should look into bringing people around us in our circle that will take us to the next level, that will take us uh to grow in our greatness. That's what it's all about. I know for me, I have been in toxic relationships, and it wasn't toxic female relationships. I got in toxic relationships for as men. That was why y'all didn't stop me from that. That was my thing. And so I just want to read this little quote from Reach Out Recovery, and it says, Toxic people will speak badly about others, are negative, lack compassion, constantly have drama, lie to you, talk more than listen, have to be right and try to control you. And those are characteristics of a toxic friendship or toxic relationship. I just want to leave, I always want to leave my girl go audience with some nuggets. And these nuggets are you don't have to, you don't have to feel guilty about removing toxic people from your life. You don't need people in your life that causes you pain, disregard your feelings, and take your friendship for granted and ignore your boundaries. Let them go. So, do you have any nuggets that you want to leave to the girl go audience?
SPEAKER_03I want to say don't hold your friends to a higher standard than you even hold yourself. You know, be flexible with your friends. Realize that we're all just people just trying. And you're gonna have disagreements, but know that your friends have your best interests at heart. If you feel that they don't have your best interests at heart and that they're being malicious, you'll know that in your own spirit that I don't feel like my friend is being honest, upfront with me. I feel like this is something else. But if you feel like if you know your friend loves you, then value that friendship because they are difficult to find.
SPEAKER_02I totally agree. Uh Tanya, you have some nuggets. I the only thing that comes to mind at this moment is we are the company we keep. I mean, just surround yourself with positive people.
SPEAKER_04That's it. I mean, negative energy breathes negative energy.
SPEAKER_02Absolutely.
SPEAKER_04Yes. And I just want to read this last, it was from a card called Soul Sisters. And Soul Sisters on the card that said a free a female friend not related by blood who shares a bond that transcends time and space and distance. And I think that holds true. We're no longer in the same state, but in time and space and distance, we remain friends. And I want to thank you guys for joining the Girl Go podcast with your host, Valencia Manning, and I hope you join for the next episode. Thank you.