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Differently: Stop living by default. Start living by design.
Differently is for when you need to get out of your head and back into your life.
Created and hosted by Carla Reeves, creator of The Differently Journal, her work is built on over 20 years of helping people use writing to navigate real life. Not as a habit to keep up with, but as a way to calm your mind, get clear, and move forward.
You are always writing your life, whether it’s in your mind or on paper.
It's time to take the pen back.
Turn overthinking and self doubt into clarity, confidence, creativity and momentum.
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Differently: Stop living by default. Start living by design.
Follow Joy with Lisa Berry
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Could you be so bold to follow what brings you joy?
My guest, Lisa Berry, shares her journey with us today of doing just this and it has led her to some pretty interesting places. She often found herself asking "What am I dong with my life?” This question propelled her to new places and eventually caused here to take a leap into what she calls an “abyss” - that ultimately put her on the path to what she is doing today.
Today, she owns and operates Chill Boutique in Fountain Hills, an Arizona based clothing store (shopchillstyle.com).
Her life mission is to support others in unearthing and honoring their most authentic selves, and, like her, living a passion-based life.
May her story and journey help you to see your own more clearly.
Grab your favorite beverage a journal to capture your insights and allow her JOY to spark yours!
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Thank you for listening!
Could you be so bold to follow what brings you joy? My guest Lisa Barry shares her journey with us today of doing just this, and it has led her to some pretty interesting places. Many a times she found herself asking the question of what am I doing with my life? This question propelled her to new places and eventually caused her to take a leap into what she calls an abyss that ultimately put her on the path to what she's doing today. Today she and her mom own and operate Chill Boutique in Fountain Hills. It's an Arizona-based clothing store. You can check it out, and I encourage you to do so at shopchillstyle.com. She's also the creator of a YouTube channel called Zero Waste Closet. Her videos are so good. She's also the mom of three kids, ages 11, 12, and 14. Her life mission is to support others in unearthing and honoring their most authentic selves and like her, living a passion-based life. May her story and journey help you to see your own more clearly. Grab your favorite beverage, a journal to capture your insights, and allow her joy to spark yours. I'm Carla Reeves, and this is differently the Life Preneur Podcast. I'm a hyperachiever turned life preneur, and after a decade of coaching ambitious leaders, I'm convinced we are far closer than we realize to what we deeply desire. And it's a willingness to do differently that can change everything. This podcast is for the everyday leader, ambitious for a rich, out-of-the-box life. This is your weekly nudge and reminder to take a risk to build a life that is uniquely bold, authentic, and in alignment with your deepest values. Hi Carla. I'm so happy to be here with you. I am so excited to have you on the podcast and share you with my listeners. So Lisa and I met, gosh, I don't know, it's been a month or so. I don't even know. Time is feels a little bit warped lately, but we met at an event and happened to sit at a table. I think we were the only ones that didn't really know anybody at the lunch table. And naturally we kind of turned to each other and started talking. And I just was um immediately drawn to your energy and your joy. And we talked briefly that day, and I knew immediately I wanted to have you on the podcast. And I want to start with just um, I mean, why don't you just say hello and give people a sense of where you are in your life today? And then we're gonna go back in time.
SPEAKER_01Okay. Oh, that's so nice. Well, it was also really great meeting you that day, too. And I felt that instant resonance, and you're just one of these people who just feels like you are just constantly evolving and helping other people to evolve, and you're such a wonderful um listener too, which is not that not that um common. So I I'm really feel blessed to have met you. Um so I currently I live in Fountain Hills, Arizona, and I have a women's clothing boutique, clothing, shoes, accessories. It's honestly the most awesome store ever. I say it's kind of like a fusion between anthropology and sundance. So if you like that that vibe, that's very much the store. Um, but I did not begin my career in retail at all. So I always say I feel like I have I've lived more than nine lives. And I look back, I look back at the things I was doing in my early 20s and my early 30s, and I just I almost can't even believe it was within this same lifetime. Um, but it's been fun and it's been an adventure, and I hope that I have so much more going. I I can't even wait to see what the road ahead looks like. Um, but I think what really defines my life right now is that I am living, I know it's kind of cliche, but I'm living from my heart. So I um do everything I do with passion and with just kind of a commitment to keep doing that and and a recognition that life changes and we change and circumstances change, and we don't have to commit to doing things forever if they don't resonate with us. So I just give myself permission to kind of tune into my my internal guidance. Um, and and for me, the the guidance is what what the benchmark is what gives me joy. And as long as it gives me joy, I keep doing it. And if it doesn't, then I change course. And that's something I'm really trying to instill in my kids. I've got three kids. I'm married to, again, it's kind of cliche, I'm married to the love of my life. Took a long time to find them. Um, and we're back living in Arizona after 15 years in Indiana. We met living in Arizona and uh moved away for 15 years. So COVID brought us back. So we're living in a place that makes us happy. So um, yeah, that's that's where I'm at at the moment.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_00So you guys can't see her, but um, this this following her joy, I mean, it's just it's all over your face and your being. And that's what I felt initially when I met you. And it's very clear that you're doing that. And you guys, her store, I haven't made a trip out there yet. It's on my list of things to do. And I have one of her little cozy jackets on that I bought at the event because she had a table set up. But I just saw but you can shop her store online and you've got to. And it I love anthropology, and it totally makes sense that you do have that vibe. And so you've got you guys have got to check out her store, and we'll give you all the details a little bit later. So I remember when we were sitting there having lunch, and I I don't exactly remember the story, but you started to tell me that there was a real pivot point in your life where you know, all these things you say that you're doing today, I always feel like there's there's that turning point that gets us on that path that's very different from maybe a path we were on before. And so would you take us down that memory lane of kind of what what happened and what was the catalyst for you and what was that, what was that like? I I just I would love to get into the behind the scenes of that.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Well, and I wanna uh, you know, it's like my mission in life to help other people live authentically. Um, I do that through through fashion and style right now, but um I I definitely want to be able to share that because if that helps people get insight into their own process and and helps them kind of liberate themselves, then that's terrific. Um you know, honestly, I've had many little turning points. Um so I maybe just going back, I can just kind of tell you where it all started. Um, and you said nine lives, so I'm super curious about that too. Yeah. So um, okay, originally, I won't give you all the dirty details. Uh originally I'm from New Mexico. Um, and my mom, my you know what? I come from uh a line of kind of renegade women. My mom was definitely, she grew up in the 50s, and all of her siblings, like the sisters, not that there's anything wrong with this at all, but they kind of followed a traditional path. They went to college, majored in education, married doctors and lawyers. So I kind of come from this family where everybody kind of did what they were supposed to do. And my mom um didn't. She departed from that. She um majored in engineering. She was one of the few women in the School of Engineering at University of Colorado at the time, and met my dad. Um, they had me, I'm an only child. They got divorced when I was three. And then my mom kind of moved us all over the place. And when I was eight, she was a single mom and decided to go to medical school. So she started really late down that path. And she went on to have a really just illustrious career as a pediatric gastroenterologist. So I watched her just be a very independent woman and we moved a lot. And um, my mom just lived her life without fear, you know. So I think she was a really great role model for me in that regard. And uh I also learned to be very independent because she just wasn't, you know, around and available that much. So anyway, um, I graduated high school, when we were living in Cincinnati at the time, and I went off to college um having no idea what I wanted to do with my life. None. I just I had no direction. But the one thing I had always loved was performing. And um I never really got much encouragement in that direction. So I was a competitive ice skater all growing up, and I loved acting, and I always knew that those things gave me great joy. But I really just didn't have any encouragement. So I'll just make a side note here that as a mom, that is something that is just so important to me with my kids is to just watch them and help, you know, just notice what it is that they love, not just what they're good at, but what they really seem to love and really encourage them to follow that. So if I had been encouraged early on, I think I would have taken a completely different path. But anyway, so I went off to college. Um, long story short, um, I majored in political science and economics, which if you knew me, you would be baffled by that. That's just that's just like not my personality at all. It's not even something I talk about. And I didn't know what I was, you know, I was trying to do what I guess I thought I was supposed to do. And everybody wanted me to go to law school. And um, I knew I didn't want to do that. So I I ended up in a with an internship at a public policy think tank in Indiana. And um I after a summer of an internship, I thought, okay, well, maybe I should become a researcher here, and they wouldn't hire me because I didn't have an advanced degree. So I somehow managed to get myself into the London School of Economics and uh went off to grad school in London, had a fantastic time, um, got a master's degree in European social policy. Completely random sounding, but it was actually fascinating. I I did my dissertation on Dutch welfare policy. Um and and totally in character with me. I I too am kind of unconventional. So I think I did it just so I could do all my research in Amsterdam. Um it was a good time. And um again, wasn't sure what I was gonna do with it afterwards. Got hired by that same think tank to open an office for them in London. And so I was there for a couple of years doing public policy research, moved back to the States, and I my life has been a series of hiccups. It's like my inner self has all along the way, when I look back, been trying to wake me up. So um, I left London thinking that I was gonna go to cooking school. I I just kept trying to get out of public policy. So I moved to Boulder. I'm taking you guys down a long and winding path, but I I will get to the present quickly. But I moved to Boulder, Colorado, enrolled in the cooking school of the Rockies, um, and started going to cooking school. And uh again, life kind of intervened, and um I ended up sort of thinking, gosh, what am I doing while I was there? So I ended up moving to DC, to Washington, DC, and um I thought I was going to do another master's in broadcast journalism, and I started that, and in the midst of that, got asked to help write a book. Um, and I started down that path, and one thing led to another, and I I ended up at the Cato Institute as a welfare analyst. So I kind of back to what I was studying in grad school, and thus began my kind of true public policy career. So I was a welfare analyst at the Cato Institute, and once again, I had I was publishing papers, I was going on TV, talking about welfare policy, and just wondering what I was doing with my life. It wasn't sparking joy in me at all. And looking back, you know, again, a lesson that I'm trying to teach my kids is just because you're good at something doesn't mean that's what you're supposed to be doing. You can be good at a lot of things, and and that's great. And you should strive to be great at everything that you do, but it doesn't necessarily mean that's what you should be doing. It wasn't giving me any true joy. And so, yet again, I got myself enrolled in cooking school because I thought, well, there's something that gives me joy. It didn't always feel quite right, but I just I, you know, I think I wasn't sure what I wanted to do, but I wanted it to be fun. And so I got myself um enrolled in cooking school out here in Arizona. And just as I was about to resign from my job and move out to Arizona, I got a call from the White House. And George W. had just taken off, or hadn't taken office actually, had we were in the middle of that political battle with him and gore trying to figure out who won. And um, I got recruited by his transition team. And I got recruited into presidential personnel to do presidential appointments. So, of course, the first thing a president does when they take office is they have to fill a whole lot of jobs. And so I got a portfolio of jobs that were kind of in my realm of um social policy. So education, healthcare, welfare, um, Department of Health and Human Services, Department of Education, also had National Institute Um for Humanities, et cetera. And so who says no to the White House, right? So I put off cooking school. And um, sorry, this is a very long answer to your question, but I will really answer it.
SPEAKER_00This is fascinating.
SPEAKER_01Well, and you're starting to see the nine lives here. So I um nobody says no to the White House. So I quit my job. I moved on to the transition team and then immediately into the White House and was in the Office of Presidential Personnel. Um, I was there when 9-11 happened. So that was pretty traumatic, obviously, for everyone. But boy, talk about feeling at sort of at the epicenter of all of it. And um, you know, a lot of people left the administration after that. I think it was just a turning point for a lot of people. Um, in presidential personnel, they say what you do is that you have all of these jobs to fill and you save the best job for yourself. And so I offered up myself to the president for um uh what sounded like a really cool job, executive director of the president's council on physical fitness. I thought, well, that sounds like a great physician. I I think I want to do that when I leave because everyone always says, what are you gonna do when you leave? And you always find, you know, a presidential appointment you're gonna go into. So I did. I left the White House after 9-11 and I went over to the Department of Health and Human Services and took this job running the President's Council on Physical Fitness, and that was a lot of fun. It was a lot of fun. I got to travel the country speaking about um childhood obesity and wellness and fitness and exercise. And I got to host the biggest ever South Lawn event at the White House with all of these members of the President's Council on Physical Fitness. So I got to know all these really cool, famous athletes. It was a really, really fun experience. And so finally I started having some fun in my job. Um, but at the end of the day, and I guess this is sort of maybe one of the first big turning points, I just was, I was right around age 30, and I just started to think about the bigger picture of my life. And I was looking at my day in and day out, and I was getting up at five every morning for work, and I was getting home at nine or 10, and I was working on the weekends, and I had no life balance. And then I just started observing people around me who were 10, 20 years older, and I felt like I was looking at myself doing the same exact thing 10 or 20, 30 years from now, and just started to really do some introspection and thought, you know, this isn't where I want to be. And and I certainly don't judge anyone for from making that choice. I just realized that for it was a great opportunity to examine what really makes me happy. And I needed balance and I needed personal fulfillment. Um, I needed to be doing things on the side that were fun for me. I, you know, again, I had always been an ice skater. I hadn't mentioned the fact that I was a very competitive ballroom dancer in the midst of all of this. And this actually comes full circle. That's an important piece of this story.
SPEAKER_00How you met your husband, I recall it.
SPEAKER_01Right. Right, exactly, exactly. And so um again, I'll wrap this, I'll try to wrap this up quickly, but um I just needed more time for balance in my life, and I wanted a personal life, and I did want to meet someone someday, and I did want to have children someday. And I can't remember the moment I decided to do this, but this is where I really took like a blind leap off a cliff. And this is the point at which I think everyone in my life was like, oh my God, is she having like a nervous breakdown? Is she having a midlife crisis at 30? Like, what is happening? Because usually we are schooled into thinking that if you're going to leave a job or you're going to leave a relationship or anything steady in your life, that you should be leaving it for something else, that there needs to be like something else that you're walking right into. And I literally jumped off a cliff into an abyss. I had no idea what was happening, but I just decided to leave my job and leave DC. And I didn't know what I was gonna do. And I quit. I moved back to Indiana where my mom was. I moved back into my house. I definitely looked like I was probably going crazy. I didn't have a job. Um, and I just took a year off to do some self-exploration. And I was fortunate. Not everyone can do that. I was able to do that. And I went back to school and took some classes. I um ended up in a public relations firm as a PR executive, and that lasted about 10 days. And a girlfriend of mine here in Arizona had taken over a think tank out here called the Goldwater Institute. She was my best friend from DC. And I flew out to visit her one weekend during those 10 days I was at that PR job. And I told her that I once again didn't know what I was doing. It was like I kept, I could not get off that cycle. And we all can be very much like this if we're not conscious. Um, that hamster wheel, that just recording of life that we just keep recording and re-recording the same thing, different circumstances, but same script, right? And here I was living the same script all over again, doing what I thought I was supposed to do, and I was miserable. And she said to me, and she really was like my window into my next universe. She said, Lisa, if you leave your job, come out here to the Goldwater Institute. I will hire you as a writer, but you only have to commit to me for one year. And in one year, you can have a good job, but you can be exploring what you really want to do with your life. And that is exactly what I did. And that is where everything changed. So I moved out to Arizona, took my left my PR job after 10 days, um, took this job as a writer, and I started going to massage school at night. And I know that sounds completely crazy, but I was literally like not putting any expectations around it. I had no plan. I was just kind of following what made me happy. So I enrolled in a class because I thought that sounds like fun. The next thing I knew, I was doing an 800 hour massage program, getting my license, and people were starting to book me. And I ended up with so many clients, I was able to leave my job. And I started doing that, and then it just freed my spirit, and I just Thought, look, you can make a living doing something that you love. And so from there, I went on to yoga teacher training and became a yoga teacher. And I started taking um graduate classes in psychology at ASU here. And I read a book that was a very pivotal moment for me. So this is all coming right back around to your question. It was called On Becoming a Person. And I can't remember the author, but it was a wonderful book. It's a standard counseling psychology book that you have to read in a master's program. And if I remember correctly, kind of his whole point of the book was, you know, in order to kind of cure a lot of people and free them, you have to help them find their joy. And I realized that's what I'd been doing. And so that was the moment that I thought I really miss ballroom dancing. I haven't danced in so long. And that's what really made me really happy. And so I um got on the internet.
SPEAKER_00Pause there for just a second. I want to come, I want to come back to let you wrap up the story to where you are right now because I know you're getting close. But yeah, there's so many points in your story up until this point. Like I definitely see the nine lives. Um when you took the giant leap into the abyss, um, were you were you just straught? Were you like help us understand where you were at that point? Or were you really like I know it was a bold leap. Did you have confidence to do that? Did you just know in your heart you had to do that? But it was terrifying. Like, what did that feel like? And how did you actually do it?
SPEAKER_01That's a really great question. I would love to say that I like went into it, you know, like a monk goes into a cave to meditate and and to levitate to a higher level. No, I was totally distraught. I um I was just got to the point where I just I felt like I was losing my soul in my job in DC. I just didn't, I was getting to the point where I just wasn't excited at all to get up every morning. It was just becoming so routine for me. And I guess there's just this part of me that knows that that's not the way life is supposed to be. And so I definitely got to a point where it didn't feel like a positive move. It sort of just felt like a life-saving move. I just, I, I just couldn't face one more day doing that job. And so I left and it was horrible. It was like a horrible year of I was embarrassed. People thought something, you know, had happened. Like, why would you leave such a great job for no clear reason? Um, I didn't have anything going on in my personal life. I didn't have any good story to tell. You know what I mean? Usually people, when they leave a job, like they can at least come up with a good story. And my story just was like, I just I need to figure out what I want to do with my life. And I I just couldn't quite figure it out. And here I was living at home and I was 30. And, you know, you always look back and think, I wish I'd had a crystal ball to know it was all going to lead to something positive. Cause darn, if I could get a year off again, man, that would be awesome. If I knew where it was all leading to, I would have enjoyed that year a lot more. But no, I mean, I was like highlighting every other sentence in what color is your parachute? I was reading every self-help book I could find. I was trying so hard to find myself. And um, just it's like when you're trying to meet someone, you know, and you hear friends, you know, who are dating and dating and they just can't find someone, when is it gonna happen for me? And I felt that way with my career. Just why can't I find my calling? Yeah, it was tough. It took a while.
SPEAKER_00What's fascinating is like listening to your story is that it seemed like there was that question like inside that was just there through every transition that you made. It was like you you were here to follow that question, right? And sometimes those those questions or those yearnings, like they do take us on crazy wild paths, and we feel like you know, there's no purpose to it, or that we're not doing it right, and that we've got to figure this out. And I'm curious to see as you kind of wrap up the story, like where there are links where you see pieces of that journey that have come full circle today. But I think it's really important to just highlight like those times in our life where we make those big leaps, like we do, you can look to other people, and it just seems like, oh, they're just so courageous, or they live without fear. How do they do that? And it's I know for me in those moments in my life, it's it's not that. It's but usually for me, there was something inside that somehow got bigger in the moment, and the risk was became less than the the risk of not moving was much greater than the risk of moving, and that's what allowed me to do it. And I yeah.
SPEAKER_01That's a ri gosh, that's such a great way of putting it because it isn't always just some huge flash of insight um where you switch from black to white. You know what I mean? I think it the reality is it is a process, not maybe, and maybe some people do have those epiphanies. And I I know I've always prayed to just have that flash, that moment where you just know exactly who you are and what you're supposed to be doing. But a lot of times it really is the journey, and a lot of times it's the stories people tell because it can all kind of be cohesive in the end. So I do believe there's no mistake, right? Uh you it's life is exactly what you make of it. And I do actually believe that there is something higher guiding us. Um, I think we are all equipped to know what I think we're all equipped to do something special, whatever that special thing may be. And I think we all have the instinct to know what it is, but I do think that we just get so kind of schooled into tuning that out by anything from family pressure to social pressures to just social norms. And if you have unconventional desires, it's sometimes really, or maybe you come, you know, like in my case, I was an oddball in my family. So I and I just didn't have anybody that was willing to help me recognize that what I wanted was legitimate. So I've had to figure that out myself in my life. But uh, my my big belief is that again, if it gives you joy, it's probably taking you down the right path. And if it doesn't give you joy, I can, I absolutely am adamant that it's not what you should be doing. Not that I have joy every second of the day in anything, and that's the other thing. I mean, uh a mature point of view on this is that I mean, life is not always easy. Raising children is not easy, but I wouldn't ever change anything about my life. Having a business and owning a business, oh my God, it's exhausting. But on the whole, it gives me so much joy.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah. Okay, so finish to bring us back to where the story is.
SPEAKER_01I'll finish fast. Okay, I'll try to finish fast. So um, I ended up coming back to ballroom dancing. My husband was my coach. There's a long story there. I had met, I had known him for years, and um, he was my celebrity crush when I was 20. And uh 20 years later, I basically ended up with him, which is amazing. And so we had three kids. We moved back to Indiana. Um, the competitive ballroom dancing is another really big piece of my life. I'm not doing it right now. I stopped when I opened the this store back in February. Um, but that is something I will always return to. Um, I I just have to. I'm not alive if I'm not doing it. So uh that took us back to Indiana, having three children, um again, doing odds and end jobs. And I think I want to make an important point here, too, that if you want to live a life of purpose and a life of passion and a life that's really authentic, you have to keep monitoring yourself. It is so easy to slip back into old habits. And that did happen to me. We got back to Indiana and I had sort of liberated myself from all of these expectations and from doing things that didn't make me happy. And then I started having children. And then in kicked the thoughts of what should I be doing? And I went back to taking the same kind of jobs, thinking this is what I was supposed to do. And I found myself again living without passion. And it once again, I think you just have to make like for me, this is a daily thing, just checking in with myself, making sure I'm on my proper path and I'm not just following someone else's prescription for my life. And so I sort of fell back into that pattern. And then back in 2015, um, again, after a long and winding journey, I did decide to do something on my bucket list. And I decided to open a clothing store. And that's another passion. I love to shop. I always joke that I've got like three PhDs in shopping, um, and needed to do something useful with it. And so, lo and behold, it turns out that owning a clothing store and all of the things that go along with owning a fashion business is seems to be everything that I was meant to do rolled into one. And I had never ever anticipated it. I cannot tell you how much owning a fashion business is not just about selling cute clothes for me. It is like everything. I absolutely love um being on camera, I love public speaking, and I have found a way I love marketing, I love PR, I love shopping, I love customer service, I love visuals and merchandising, and it pulls everything that I love all together. And this is where I couldn't have anticipated that all of those skills that I acquired when I was younger have enabled me to be kind of like a one-man band over here. And I do have the world's most amazing support system. I have the most incredible employees, and my husband's wonderful. But I will tell you, I, you know, I design my website myself. I do all of my own shipping operations, I do all of my own marketing and emails. And my favorite part of my job is I've got this YouTube channel. And I started it back, I can't remember how maybe five or six years ago. And it started as a styling channel to kind of support my store, and it has turned into my passions. So it's called Zero Waste Closet. It's on YouTube, and I post every week. I try to at least once a week, and um, it definitely has a theme. It's not just about personal style. It really, I'm deep in my core, I am now an aspiring minimalist, and you would never know it looking at my life. So I with an emphasis on the word aspiring all the time. But my passion is creating wardrobe capsules and suitcase capsules. And I've spent a lot of time going over to people's homes and helping them go through their closets and get rid of what's not serving them. And I guess it's sort of a microcosm of this whole point in my life, which is getting rid of what doesn't serve you, right? So whether it's the people in your life that don't serve you, or the jobs, or the hobbies, or the commitments, or whatever it is that does not serve your joy. Um, I guess it's like Marie conduizing your life, right? But it's it's looking at what gives you joy and get rid of getting rid of the rest. And when you have too much stuff, it's really, really hard to hear your inner voice. Um, it's amazing what an impact stuff has on your life. And so I really enjoy helping people with that. And um, that's kind of what my YouTube channel is all about. And we also just demystify the art of getting dressed. So, you know, as an example, gosh, I think one of my most popular videos actually was just a couple of weeks ago. We took a look at um the silky slip dress, which is one of my favorite wardrobe core items, and um just showcased six creative ways to wear a slip dress so that you're getting lots of mileage out of one simple item. Um, and so I like to do a lot of that. Again, it kind of all goes back to minimizing and simplifying things. And so I just wake up every day now excited to come to work and excited because I'm doing what I love to do. And I think people feel that. And I think that's why the store is so successful. I think you know you can buy cute clothes anywhere, but people come in for the experience and the interaction.
SPEAKER_00I totally believe that because I feel that just from your emails that I get. And for you guys listening, you've got to check out her videos, they are so fun. I I really, really enjoy your videos and uh and your emails. So we'll give everybody all those details. But I just want to highlight a few things. Like, there's so many important threads of what you've been talking about, and I can't remember what you called it, but I think of it like a map, or I heard this once of like, are you gonna follow the map or the compass, right? And I believe we all have a compass inside of us, right? But we I started out half of my life living according to that map that someone else gave me, right? And tried to follow what I thought I should do and what I was supposed to do, and went down all of that to figure, to find that I was actually like it all looked good on the outside, but I was empty inside. And I had to figure out how to chart that course. And there's there's a lot of discomfort in doing that. And just like you were talking about, the you know, the pressures of what other people think when we start to make these bold moves in our life to what I call getting in alignment, right? Like you've been following your joy, but like it also sounds like it's just this ongoing process of staying aligned to your center and your core and what you're here to do on this earth. And that's I think one of the most important missions that we can each be on, and it is gonna look entirely different for each of us. And to me, it's like courage and being brave. It it is about following that, and I know that in my own life, those times when I was willing to follow that nudge, even when it didn't make any sense, and everybody else thought I was crazy, that those are the points in my life that were like real turning points and where life just opened up and got richer, and but it's so scary, and I still just like you said, I still have to deal with it every day. Am I gonna am I gonna follow that? Because I I'm sitting here shaking in my boots, it's scary, and yeah, maybe it gets a little bit easier, but it's I still find it very hard.
SPEAKER_01It's so hard, it is, and I do think that's such an important point is that once you do that, you're not set now. And I think I have realized just in listening to other people, and of course, being honest with myself, I think the biggest impediment to living your best life is caring what other people think. And I I don't know how it's possible to be alive and not care what other people think, even as evolved as it sounds like I know you are, and as I believe that I am becoming each day, it is still so hard to let go of that, to not censor ourselves and what we want to do, how we want to dress, how we want to present ourselves to the world, what we choose to um put to to eat, what we, what car we choose to drive, the house we choose to live in, the work we choose to do, are we doing it because that's what we want, or are we doing it because it's what looks good? And now, especially living in this world of social media, I think it's even more difficult because we are so tuned into what others are doing, and people have become so good at presenting this version of themselves that isn't always totally authentic. And to be able to tune out all of that noise and tap into what we want, I think it is so challenging. Um, and I think a lot of people just don't even know how to do that at all and are scared to do that. But I think the thing that I found out is that if you do that, what is like the do a thought experiment with yourself? What is literally the worst thing that's gonna happen if nobody approves of you? Literally, what's gonna happen? Follow that thought pattern to its conclusion. Is anything actually gonna happen that's bad? What I learned is that no, actually, that's where you actually walk and open the door to a new universe because that's where you actually find your peeps. That's where you meet your tribe, right? And so true. Right. It's there's always other people on the other side of that door just waiting to receive you.
SPEAKER_00I was just talking to a friend about that. She was talking about getting up and doing this five-minute talk, and and we were laughing about, you know, like, well, what if you fall going up the stairs? Or, you know, what if what if you just fumble over your words or like I just all the little things, right? And so we were talking about how you go to the worst case scenario and then you imagine, like, okay, how would I recover? And then, and then you put all your energy into what you want to happen, right? And right, exactly.
SPEAKER_01When you let go of, when you like feel the fear and do it anyway, amazing things actually happen. And the reality is that really cool, authentic people appreciate imperfection, right? So I've just recognized those are the kind of people I want in my life, the kind of people that if I fall going up the stairs, not only are they gonna reach out. They're gonna tell you to do summer thoughts. I'm just gonna laugh and actually want to see it again. Like, let me see it again. And if you can like accept yourself and just be fine with it, that's why, like, when I do any kind of public speaking, I just don't even. I mean, yes, it's nice to have a vision of where you want to go because you don't want to waste people's time, but I I I I would much rather be authentic than perfect. Nobody really enjoys being around someone who is there is no such thing as perfect anyway, but I just find that boring, right?
SPEAKER_00I have to remind myself it's so boring, even though I still want to try to do things perfectly. I just have to remind myself of that all the time. So for people listening who maybe don't know exactly how to do this, share some of like the daily practice or work that you're doing in your life to keep this alive in your life that would maybe give someone a sense of where to start.
SPEAKER_01So for me, oh my gosh, that's that's a great point. Well, I or great question. I mean, for me, it's it's a little bit easier just because my my life is authentic right now, right? So I am waking up and coming in to do something that I love every day. But I will say I've learned some great techniques along the way just from some books I've read. I have you ever read The Artist's Way?
SPEAKER_00Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_01Oh gosh, a big story there. Oh yeah, well, for me too. Julia Cameron is is an amazing author, and that's an old book, but to this day, uh, whenever I'm feeling stuck or just feeling for some reason, um not joyful, and I can't quite figure out why. Um it helps me tune in. So her morning pages, just the act of journaling. I know a lot of us feel so busy, we think, God, when do I have time to do that? But I love it because she recommends writing Stream of Consciousness. So just getting out a pen and paper and literally just any thought that comes to your mind for like for like five or 10 minutes, just write it all out and get it all out of your system and get it onto the page. And I find that a lot of things, I find that when I'm not being authentic, a lot of times it's just because I a lot of stressors are are weighing me down. And it could be stress like God, I need to go buy dog food. It could literally be a bunch of simple, silly things like that. But if I can just get it all out, it usually my spirit. It just needs to flow. And it and usually there's something blocking it. If I'm not feeling good or authentic or happy, or if I can't get an answer to a question, the answer is usually there. I really recognize that the answer is usually there for the picking, but there's something blocking it. So doing my morning pages and writing out any journal entries, I can do stream of consciousness, not censoring what I put on the page. And then, gosh, burn it if you have to afterwards. You don't have to go back and read it or show it to anyone. A really good authentic yoga practice, I think, is really helpful. And when I when I say an authentic yoga practice, what I mean is not necessarily going to yoga class, wearing your Lululemon clothes, looking perfect and showing up with a smile on your face, but maybe just doing what you feel like that morning. As I've gotten older with yoga, I've realized yoga for me is not about having the perfect yoga body. Yoga for me is about releasing the flow of prana or life force energy in my body, releasing any blockages. So a lot of days that's just a restorative yoga practice, just some really good quiet stretching where I'm releasing physical blocks and I'm releasing emotional blocks by my writing. Um, those are some ways that I just get more tapped into myself. Um, just remembering to breathe. You know, how many times during the day we start breathing? Yes.
SPEAKER_00We are kindred spirits. It's, you know, I don't think you know this, but journaling is a thread that ties way back in my journey and story and something that I talk about a lot on the podcast. And it's journaling is such an incredible tool for navigating your life and clearing your head. And like you said, moving past what is, you know, blocking your energy and your life force and um yoga and breath. So, were you gonna say anything more about the breath? I just wanted to highlight those are really three incredible tools and ones that I use to I love that.
SPEAKER_01No, I wasn't gonna say anything other than just that um the more I have practiced these things, the more on the other side I have come to recognize when I'm not in a good space. Um, and I, you know, I I think it's like just self-awareness is really, really important. And how many people are really self-aware? I mean, and when I talk about self-awareness, I mean I notice at times during the day on some days where I just feel strained for whatever reason. Um, it's strained in my interaction with others, maybe. Um, I'm actually as talkative as I am, I think I'm actually kind of an introvert. I'm like an extroverted introvert. So there's just times I feel strained in talking to people. And um it usually comes back to I'm not being authentic about something. This is why it's just this kind of consistent thread. Right. And so I'm starting to give myself permission. Another way of clearing our blockages is to just be authentic. So I I guess I'm starting to give myself permission to just be more honest with people and and say everything, the honest things like, you know, no, I don't really feel like having coffee with you right now. I'm feeling more in a quiet mood. Or um if I'm not feeling really outgoing and like interacting with customers, maybe having the courage to just maybe say to my staff, you know what, I'm gonna step into the back for 30 minutes and just take a little bit of quiet time. So kind of removing removing the expectation that I have of myself that I'm at peak performance all the time. And just allowing myself to just be more honest.
SPEAKER_00What I hear is just like we have to learn this ability to take care of ourselves, right? Like as women, we know how to be a good friend. We know how to take care of everybody else, but I know for myself, I was never taught to do that for myself. And I remember when you were talking about yoga, I remember going into a yoga class as like a new mom, and it was I didn't get away very often from you know my mom duties. And I remember I went into this class and I just got quiet with myself, right? And the room's quiet, and I just like tears just started flowing. I was like, oh my gosh, like what is happening? But getting quiet with yourself. I mean, it's happened for me through journaling, it's happened with me through yoga, you know, especially for the people that I work with, and I think a lot of people that listen to this podcast, we're going, going, going, going, and there's not a lot of time to just get quiet and let the waters still. And when they do it, it can be really uncomfortable. But that's when my greatest growth and learning and ability to learn to actually take care of myself, like what you're talking about is you know, saying no when you need to say no, and stopping when you need to stop. And you know, I when you were saying that the way in which you were talking to yourself, I could see you talking to your children, right? We know how to do it for others, but when you can start doing that for yourself, something starts to happen, and that that you cultivate that and it starts to ripple out into your life, and you can really see that in your story. And my goodness, we've been talking for a while, and I know your store is opening.
SPEAKER_01So Carla, I wish I'd talk to you for the next two hours. You're such a joy to talk to you.
SPEAKER_00Uh likewise. So, do you have time for just a couple more questions and then we'll wrap? Yeah, of course. Okay. Sure. So um tell us what um, well, tell us where people can find you and see your videos and follow you and connect and all that good stuff.
SPEAKER_01Oh, sure. Okay. Well, so if you are lucky enough to be in Arizona, come out and see us in Fountain Hills. My store is called Chill, like Chill Out. Um, no mistake there, right? Like I'm just telling everyone, let it go. Chill Boutique. So we're in Fountain Hills, Arizona. Um, we the whole store is online and we do ship for free over $75 just FYI. And that is www.shopchillstyle.com. And um my YouTube channel is called Zero Waste Closet. I would love it if people took the time to go on and subscribe. Of course, that enables you to get notifications every time a new video comes out. Um, and I promise you won't regret it. You can always unsubscribe if it doesn't resonate with you, but I think it probably will. Um, and then as far as other social media handles, I'll be really honest. I have actually made a pretty conscious effort to not get too knee deep into social media, which I want to make a side note about that. This is a classic example of me being unconventional. I have had, and it's an important point for any woman in business or anybody, man, woman, anyone who is a leader in their own right, people will give you advice all along the way. And they will constantly tell you that if you don't do this or you don't do that, you can't be successful. Follow your instinct and follow your heart. And if what you're having to do in order to make yourself successful is making you miserable, then something needs to change. And so for me, being heavily involved in social media does not resonate with how I want to live my life. I just, and again, I'm not judging anyone at all because social media has done such amazing things for people. But I just I want so much to be able to be in the present moment with my customers and with my kids. And so you're not gonna find a lot of me on Facebook and Instagram. Our our handle is shop chill style on Instagram and on Facebook. Um, and and we're on there, but uh the reason you don't see more is just because I just don't, I don't choose to make the time.
SPEAKER_00I love this so much. And this is all, you know, in the spirit of differently, right? Like that's that's why I wanted to have you on the podcast. And so my last question is um, what does differently mean to you?
SPEAKER_01And I think you've embodied it and described it, but um I guess that differently is just a synonym for authentically, right? So there isn't one single human on this earth that is an exact replica of another human. Listen, my husband's an identical twin, and even his twin is not an exact replica, right? And so um being authentic, right in and of itself, is going to distinguish you, and it's gonna, you know, it differently just means doing things with purpose and according to your own inner guidance.
SPEAKER_00So beautiful. Lisa, what an absolute joy spending time with you. Thank you so much for coming on the show. And she's about to go open her store, so have an incredible, beautiful day and shine your light, girl. Right. Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Differently. I hope it stirs your thinking and I invite you to take one inspired action from something that stood out to you. If you want to hear more conversations like this, hit follow on your favorite podcast app. And if this episode can impact someone you know, please share it and pass it a line. Remember, new episodes drop weekly. See you next week.