Client Spotlight: Live More Fully Now with Diana Bresnan

Sometimes paths cross at the perfect time and in the case of Diana and I meeting - this was true for me.  Diana shares her unexpected journey of coaching with me and the things she did to start living her life more fully right where she was instead of waiting until "someday" in the future.  

We dive into the barriers that get in the way and keep us from enjoying our life now, the power of being present and what it means to have a commitment to create and live life fully right where you are planted.

Diana’s background includes Human Resources leadership roles primarily in Fintech and Media industries, most recently as Chief Human Resources Officer with Early Warning Services, creator of the Zelle payments network.  After a 30-year career, Diana has retired and continues to create life everyday.

I hope you enjoy this conversation with Diana! 

You can reach Diana at:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dianabresnan/

Learn more about Carla:  https:/www.carlareeves.com/

Connect on IG:  https://www.instagram.com/carlasreeves/

Learn more about Carla:
Website: https://www.differentlyco.com

Get The Differently Journal:
https://differently.myflodesk.com/journal

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Connect on LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/reevescarla/
Connect on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@differentlythepodcast

Go to https://differentlyco.com/events to get The Class schedule, sign up, and/or pass it on to a friend.  Come hang out and learn with us for FREE!

Book a Complimentary Strategy Call with Carla:  https://bookme.name/carlareeves/strategycall

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Transcript

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SPEAKER_01 0:00

In 2017, I was standing at a table at a local health fair for a large company here in the valley. And a beautiful kind woman walked up to the table and began engaging with me and encouraged someone that she knew to sign up for a complimentary call to find out more about my services. And little did I know that that beautiful kind woman was the chief human resources officer. He ended up becoming a client. And later she checked it out for herself. And you're about to hear about that in just a moment. Having this conversation with Diana was just such a reminder today for me that don't put your life off until someday. Do the work to create more joy, more peace, whatever it is that you desire right here where you are. Because when someday comes, if it comes, it will then be the bonus on an already intentional, beautiful life you've made right where you are. I'm so excited for you to meet Diana Bresnan. I know you're gonna enjoy this conversation. I'm Carla Reeves, and this is Differently, a podcast where we explore the ins and outs of what becomes possible when we're willing to think, do, and show up differently to the moments of our everyday lives. Hi Diana, welcome to Differently. Oh, good morning. Thank you for having me. I'm so excited and honored, honestly, that you're here. I um I don't know if you know this, but you really were somebody that came into my life and my business pretty early on. I mean, I had been in business for quite a few years, but my business was all um online at that time. Well, it always has been online, but it had, I didn't really have a local business of any kind. And because I had um got my certification through a company in Canada and we coached people through them, and most of my clients were on the East Coast, and so that's how my business started. And you were really one of the first people locally that I met that really opened a door for my business here, and I have just forever deep gratitude for that. So thank you for that.

SPEAKER_00 2:19

Oh, it's been wonderful. Um, just kind of getting to know your processes and seeing how many different people that I know that you've been able to touch in a in a positive way. So that's been really fun for me too.

SPEAKER_01 2:33

I love that. So when we were talking about um you coming on the podcast, we were, you know, really talking about you just coming on and really just sharing your story and that your story will have relevance for people and that your journey and some of the things you went through. Um, I I know we're gonna touch people that are listening. And so let's just let's start there. If you want to share a little bit about kind of who you are and where you are today, and um, and then we'll yeah, just dive into your story.

SPEAKER_00 3:04

Okay. Um, I might I might kind of start at the beginning because I I think that makes sense. Yeah, start at the beginning. I met you, I met you at a health fair that we organized um when I was working at early warning services. And um, I was just walking through the health fair participating, and and there you were um talking to folks about what you do in terms of you know life coaching and mindset shifting and things. And and I had talked to one of my team members and said, you know, you should really test this out. And he kind we kind of sort of joked a little bit about it, but I thought, you know, someone should test this. So he so he did, and uh, and he came back with such positive feedback. And I thought, okay, so if we're gonna really recommend this, I should probably check it out myself. I don't need it. Like I don't, I don't need life coaching, I'm good. Um, but I thought I should at least, I should should at least check it out. So I scheduled an intro call with you, and I'll never forget I was really honest up front and said, so I'm I want to do this, but I I don't really need the coaching. So I don't want you to feel like I'm wasting your time. And uh you're like, oh no problem, you were so sweet and so welcoming. And uh so we did this 30, 30 or 40 minute intro call to just chat about things. And at the end of the call, it it hit me like a ton of bricks. I I remember saying, I said the word responsibility 40 times in 40 minutes. I think I need you. So I think my entire my entire mind shifted based upon that phone call and me just, you didn't even have to tell me I needed it. It just surfaced through our conversation. So I think even people who have done lots of coaching and participated in that for years and are seasoned leaders and feel like they have their whole life together can can find such a big lift by opening up opening up to this. Um, so it was it was huge for me. Um so that's kind of how we started. Do you remember that?

SPEAKER_01 5:06

I totally remember that. Because I remember you came on and you were just like, oh yeah, I'm good. I'm good, I don't need this. And then there was just a moment of like, ah, like just it was a blind spot, like something you hadn't seen. And sometimes we can't see, even if we have gone through a lot of this work, myself included, you know, we go through a lot of this work and we do a lot of training and have a lot of awareness in our life, but there there are things that we just can't see. And that conversation opened up something for you, and that really was a big theme in our work together, was responsible.

SPEAKER_00 5:42

It was. And and I think if you're self-reflective, and you kind of helped bring this out through some of the exercises that you did with me, um, but I you really push yourself to think about where does this come from, right? And and part of it comes from, I believe, my parents and the values that they instilled in me. And, you know, my dad was huge on responsibility, and and that's a great thing. But I think any strength when overused turns in, you know, to a to a challenge, right? And my mom's her her big value was generosity. So if you pair responsibility and generosity, I was like, oh my gosh, I'm like destined for you know pushing myself pretty hard, right? Um excuse me. So I think it was helpful to at least acknowledge that. Um so through the discussions that you and I had, it was really helpful for me. You know, I had a big job, you know, I was you know, head of HR for a really innovative growing company. And, you know, it wasn't like you were just on maintenance mode, right? You were constantly innovating and growing and doing new things, so you're pushing yourself and being a single mom for lots of years, and you know, having high expectations of myself, and then coming into a new relationship and blending a family and all of these things getting together. And I remember talking to you and feeling slightly guilty because early morning was actually paying for this engagement, right? For me to test this out and get some coaching. And I'm thinking, Carla, I need you to help me quit my job. And I remember talking to you about that, and you you were awesome because you said, if you quit your job, that is not gonna solve the things that are going on in your head and how you think and how you behave. And so, yes, you may quit your job and think that that solves it, but you're gonna run into those same challenges over and over again, no matter where you're at in your life. So you need to address those first. And it was such good coaching, and I didn't believe you when you told me. I really didn't. I thought there's no way I can do all this. There's no way. Um, but you helped me see that those responsibilities are really self-driven. Um, you can lever your thinking and lever what you think you must do versus what you think is really most important for you to do. And and I remember you telling me, you know, every day when you get up, think about the end of the day. And at the end of the day, can you say you did the things that were most important? Will they make a difference? Will they make you feel fulfilled at the end of the day? And and that I still use that today to think about what do I really want to do, what do I need to do, and what's gonna make my life feel uh fulfilled. Um, so that's really carried with me for a long time.

SPEAKER_01 8:31

Hmm. I remember what I remember when you started was that you were you were so committed to um what you were up to at early warning, and you were torn by, you know, these other poles of I think your mom and your new relationship and your family. And I remember, and I don't know if you remember this, but I remember you thinking that I just gotta, I just have to get to retirement and then and then I'll take care of my life, and then I'll have these quality relationships, and then I'm really gonna live. And I just saw you putting your your life off until the future, and I just wasn't okay with that. Do you do you remember that?

SPEAKER_00 9:19

I do, I do, and that was such good, it's such good guidance, but I think we all do it. We have these milestones where we think, if I could just get through this, you know, if I could just do this. Um, but I but I do think the reality is that we can have more than we think, right? Without um without sacrificing the things that are most important to us. So, you know, I still think about it today in terms of priorities, like what should I do and what could I do? Um, and and be deliberate about your decisions. Um and I and I think it's it's just been helpful. And you know, I did retire, right? But it wasn't for a couple of years after you and I um chatted. It might have been three years after we chatted, right? So, and and I enjoyed that part of my life. The last couple of years that that I was working, I did enjoy it. It was still a lot of work and it was still a lot of pressure. Um, but I did have greater happiness, greater fulfillment, felt like I, you know, instead of feeling like I'm doing everything halfway, I felt like I was really doing what I needed to do really well and feeling good about it and maybe saying no to some things. Um, so I so I retired, and everyone I know who knows everyone who knows me, who worked with me, my friends, my family, everyone kept asking me, what are you gonna do? Like, what are you gonna do when you retire? And I and I I was almost slightly offended by it, thinking, well, I have tons of hobbies. Like, don't you know this about me? Of course I'm gonna have, I'm gonna fill my days with all the fun things that I've been looking forward to doing and having more time for. And when I retired, I turned it off like a light switch. And I I didn't think about work, I didn't miss it. And for the first year, I I let I went back and looked. I read 35 books my first year and I loved it. And I could sit on my Lanai for hours at a time just watching the ocean and feeling like I don't have to do anything and feel and I'm gonna feel good about it. And it was awesome.

SPEAKER_01 11:23

I love that. I want to go back to um this idea of like putting our life off because I think it is it's something that we, I mean, you see all the time, and I've done in my own life. And you know, when the kids are older, when the kids leave, or when I make more money, or when I lose weight, or when I uh on and on and on, it's this really hopeful illusion that you're gonna have the life that you want out there in the future. And I think it's if you don't know how to create fulfillment in your life right where you are, that it's it's unlikely that you'll know how to do it at that future moment. And so if you can learn to create it and cultivate it right where you are, then then when you get to that future destination, then it's just a bonus. You know, you just it's you know, just like retirement. Um, because we will we will carry those patterns forward with us if we don't um figure out how to work with them right now. So I would love to share for you to share some of the things because I remember there was like a con an inner conflict because I think in your mind you saw like if I were to change anything in the way I'm doing that, I'm gonna like drop the ball or I'm not gonna leave the legacy I'm committed to leaving at work. And together we kind of worked with how can you leave the legacy that you want to leave and start to create more balance and peace in your life now, like that's actually gonna make you a better leader instead of um, you know, what you thought was that it was gonna, you know, diminish what you were doing at work. So share a little bit about that.

SPEAKER_00 13:15

Sure. And and it's so true. Um, you know, you're used to running so hard and so fast and and expecting so much of yourself. And to even think about dialing it back a little bit feels bad, right? Because you you feel like you should be doing more. But the reality is you could work a month straight with with with no time off, and you would still not get everything done, right? There's always more to do. And so I just think kind of wrapping your head around how do I how do I determine what my priorities are? What do I need to accomplish, and how do I manage that in my day-to-day life? And and and realizing that the personal side of things is just as important as everything else that you do, right? Putting yourself first sometimes um is is huge. And it was important to me to go home for dinner several nights a week and really have a quality, you know, quality evening and not feel like I was thinking about work. And one of the things that you taught me, I remember you coming into we did a group, uh, a group workshop. And the first thing you told everyone was, okay, get a piece of paper out and write down what's on your mind right now. Just write it down. Write down what you're thinking, write down, you know, things that you're thinking about that you need to do, whatever that is. And then after we did that, you said, okay, now you can be present because you've taken all of that that you're thinking about right now, that you know you have to do, that's weighing on you, and your brain's not shutting off, and you've put it somewhere, that it will be there at the end of this workshop. So for the next hour, guess what? You get to you get to let that go and be present. And I still try to do that today, right? If if I'm having trouble sleeping because I'm thinking about something that's going on, or if I'm going to bed with something on my mind, I'll take a moment and and just write it down. And then it helps me relax the brain and be present and know that tomorrow it's gonna be there. Um, so that was one of those strategies that I think I still use today. Um, and it's been really, really helpful. And I and I started to learn that, you know, so I want to be on a school board, and that's important to me. But guess what? I no longer feel like I have to chair the committee. I don't have to, you know, I don't have to volunteer the moment something comes up. I can lever things and still feel like I'm getting what I want, and by helping, you know, students and and the educators, but I don't have to let it overwhelm me. Um, and that's a hard thing to learn is to dial that volunteerism back and, you know, the all the things that you want to do and know that you could do, but it might not be the best choice.

SPEAKER_01 16:07

Yeah, well, I think it's, I mean, what I hear you saying is kind of like stopping that that default reaction in our life of especially if you have the responsibility and generosity genes, you know, from the past that, you know, that was how you did life for a long time. And so those will those are gonna still kick in. And but the beautiful thing is that you can sit back and go recognize that, and then really choose for your life now, you know, what makes sense and what doesn't make sense. And I think that you actually are able to probably serve in a greater way when you when you do that, when you make an intentional choice that fits.

SPEAKER_00 16:49

I I think so. And you know, it does it doesn't come without setbacks. You know, I've I've been I was retired for a year, and the timing couldn't have been better right before COVID hit. It was like six days before the world shut down, and and I had just retired, so I felt slightly guilty about that as well. Like I just got out of this, and someone else is gonna have to really manage all of this. Um, but a year after I retired, my former uh CEO reached out and asked me if I would get involved in a consulting opportunity. And I thought I committed to myself that for a year I wouldn't think about a thing. I would just enjoy, I would not do anything. Um, and it was like a year and six days of my retirement that he called. So um I ended up uh engaging in some consulting, and uh and it's been fun and interesting, but I also uh volunteered to be on the board of my HOA and then was elected president. So all of a sudden I'm feeling a little bit more like, wait a second, this is kind of deja vu. Um I need to make sure that I'm applying some of these things and and figuring out how this doesn't overwhelm me to where I feel like I don't have quality of life anymore. Um, so it it it is a it's I guess it's a lifelong um opportunity to keep thinking about your mind shift, right?

SPEAKER_01 18:10

It's it is it's a it's a practice. I mean, it's it's you know, my my hope is that, you know, in our work together that I and when I work with clients is that you get tools that you can reapply and reapply and reapply because I think it is, especially somebody like you who was such a high achiever and did so much in your working life, like the the um the pull to fill that plate again, I'm sure is pretty strong. And I I love that you're you filled it a little bit and you're like, wait a minute, what am I doing? And let's reassess and reevaluate and make some different choices. And um I'm really curious because of I don't I don't know your story of how you got to where you did in your career, but being somebody that's so ambitious and um and was so so successful in your career, like, and then to reach retirement, like what I mean, it sounds like you really leaned back into that retirement very with a lot of ease, but what uh what is what have you struggled with, you know, mentally in making that shift, or was it a struggle? The way you described it, it doesn't sound like it was much, and maybe it's appearing now.

SPEAKER_00 19:27

You know, it's you know, this this might be too, I don't know if this is too personal or not, but I'll share it anyway. Um, because I think it was a huge driver for me. Um I was a single mom and and divorced for 18 years before I met my current husband a few years ago. Um, but I had always told myself, if I meet the right person, I am not gonna allow these other factors to get in the way of that. I'm I'm gonna embrace it and go with it. And I met the right person, and he's awesome. And and it just it just worked at a perfect time in my life. Um and and so I think in my head, I knew that someday, right, uh that was my my goal was to really embrace life and do it with someone, you know, that I could enjoy that with. And so when retirement time finally happened, I think I was so ready for that because I'd been working to that. Not that I was looking for someone my whole life, but when it did happen, it was just this perfect, perfect storm of finally letting go of everything. And I really didn't look back at all. I didn't look back at all. And the consulting opportunity, you know, they'd love to let this go on forever and turn into something regular. And I've been really, I've had no problem saying no to that, right? This is temporary, and my real gig is getting back to this amazing, you know, retirement with someone um who's awesome, and and we're just gonna it just wasn't hard. It wasn't hard to let go at all. And I think that surprised a lot of people.

SPEAKER_01 21:08

Yeah, did it surprise you?

SPEAKER_00 21:12

No, it didn't. No, it didn't. I I knew for a year, I I knew for a year I would very easily say no to everything, right? Um, and I wasn't ever gonna go look for anything new. This just sort of popped up, but it it really didn't surprise me because when people would ask me that question about what am I gonna do, I had so many things that I thought about. I thought I can't wait to read books and play golf and go volunteer at the school and work out every day. And you know, now one of my greatest joys is getting home in time for sunset and just watching the sun go down. I mean, it's just like one of those when you ask me what's most important every day, that's one of those things, right? Getting home and enjoying that. It's one of the things that we like doing most. So it it doesn't surprise me that it was easy to flip the switch. Um, and I don't and I don't think it'll be hard to flip the switch again once this uh current gig is over.

SPEAKER_01 22:08

I love that. I think that you're reminding me that like I'm learning to add more relaxation and more play and more joy in my life. And it's it is for me, it's a muscle I have to learn to use. And when I do like there's so much there, like being such a doer, um, it it has not been easy, but the more I lean into that and the more I push myself to be in the uncomfortable space of not like not actively doing something, um, I'm just amazed more and more and more of the the peace and the joy and the beauty and just the tiny little moments of the day.

SPEAKER_00 22:58

I I so agree. I mean, you just taking a moment to just notice things. I I I have a a cousin who had sent me a note one day, and and she said, you know, I learned so much from my kids. And she had a maybe a three-year-old at the time, and her three-year-old was laying on the ground on a blanket, they were having the picnic out at the park, and she's just talking to her mom about mom, look at all the clouds going by, and just talking about the wonder of this simple little thing that we see every single day, but we don't stop to actually think about it at all, right? It's just there, but we don't pay attention. And it really jolted her back into thinking about things that are important and actually being in the moment and noticing things and appreciating them. And that's one of those examples that also sticks with me for a long time. So now when I'm, you know, out in nature and I'm actually paying attention to all the sounds and sights and things around me, I'm just present. And being present is such a huge thing for me in terms of quality of life and feeling good about things, is that you're actually paying attention. Um, I remember once uh talking to a a coach. Um, we were talking about kids and parenting, and and I said something about, well, I didn't know. And the the coach said, You should have known. You should have been paying attention. And I felt I felt a little bit off at that. I was like, really? Like, how do you know? He was right, right? But it took someone actually throwing that at me to say, you are not present, or you would have known, you wouldn't have forgotten, right? And I just think um it just like you said, it's muscle memory sometimes to try to make sure and and remind yourself that being present is is such a huge thing.

SPEAKER_01 24:49

It's such a huge thing. And I you reminded me to go back to the journaling piece, but that's journaling is something that helps me be present too. I mean, I use it all the time. It's you know, there's a quote that says something like, take out the mental trash day daily. Um it really is like a um sometimes daily just emptying what's there so that you can be present because a lot of times I can get lost in my thinking, and my clients tend to be overthinkers, and we just get so caught up in our head that we're not present to our life. And I, over the years of working with people, I one of the things that has been the like the biggest discovery is just how much closer we are to everything we want. But the noise in our head and um, you know, some all the old stories and things that we tell ourselves is just creating the shade that prevents us from experiencing the beautiful life that is so much closer than we realize. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 25:55

I also I also kind of once in a while have to remind myself to give myself a pass, you know, things that I might want to do, or you know, uh, you know, I'm a I'm a baker. Love, I love it, right? And for me to go buy something to take to an event, it just pains me to even think about it. But there are days that you have to go, I can't. I just I just can't. So guess what? I'm gonna go buy. Like sometimes you just give yourself a pass on these simple things and just let it go. Um and again, it seems like such a simple little thing, but it's important for me to give myself some latitude on occasion for things that I might have done differently, but don't have the time to do today.

SPEAKER_01 26:39

Yeah, I love that. I I went to a party recently and I too like take great pride in bringing something homemade, and I just didn't have the time or energy to do it. And so I completely get that. And I there was a lot less stress and worry by just giving giving yourself a pass. I love that. Exactly. So did we did we did we complete the story? Was there anything else inside of your story that you wanted to share?

SPEAKER_00 27:09

No, I think this was um, it's kind of fun thinking thinking back on how this all came to be. And um I am so I'm so thankful that we met that day at the health fair and that, you know, all these things needed to happen for us to get where we are today. But if you hadn't been at the health fair, and if one of my team members hadn't engaged you and actually done it, and and early morning didn't give me the opportunity to really offer this to others, I mean, I might not be where I'm at today in terms of you know feeling feeling really um completed. Um and and so I'm I'm really thankful for all the things that led up to where we are today. So I appreciate all that you I still think about you once in a while and quote you often.

SPEAKER_01 27:58

I feel that you're so welcome. And I'm equally grateful. I um looked back before we um got on and we realized that we started working together or met in 2017. And I, you know, watching watching your journey has been such a joy for me to talking to you back then when you were like anticipating this retirement um and then seeing you here and now and living it and um filled with a lot of peace and a lot of joy. It just gives me a lot of joy. And so I'm so grateful to know you and I'm so grateful that you were willing to come on and share your story, and um yeah any wonderful thoughts.

SPEAKER_00 28:45

Yeah, now I am um I'm gonna live, I'm gonna live the dream.

SPEAKER_01 28:51

How about that? I love that. I love that. You're creating it every day. So good. Thank you so much for being here and for this conversation. Thank you, Carla. I'll talk to you soon. Yeah. Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Differently. I hope it stirred your thinking, and I invite you to take one inspired action from something that stood out to you. If you want to hear more conversations like this, hit follow on your favorite podcast app. And if this episode could impact someone you know, please pass it along. Remember, new episodes drop weekly. See you next week.