Navigate Change with Greater Ease

Change requires resilience.  Many people struggle with change because they become fixated on the areas where they have little or no ability to change or influence their circumstances and feel powerless.  

According to a study by the Center for Confidence and Wellbeing, resilience is an active, dynamic process and that although some people seem to be born with more resilience, we can all learn to boost our ability to cope, thrive and flourish through change.

What if your ability to thrive through change has little to do with whether you have what it takes and EVERYTHING to do with being equipped with the mindset and tools for navigating change with greater ease?

In this episoce, we will explore four things you CAN control that will elevate your ability to navigate change with greater ease.

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SPEAKER_00 0:00

I'm Carla Reeves, and this is Differently, a podcast where we explore the ins and outs of what becomes possible when we're willing to think, do, and show up differently to the moments of our everyday lives. We are all going through a lot of change, maybe more than at any other time in our life. And I wanted to do an episode to give you some tools to put in your pocket for navigating change. When it comes to navigating change, what I have witnessed over the years is that it doesn't matter your role, your rank, how much money you make, where you live, and on and on. The thing that is in common is that we're all sharing a human experience. And that human experience, after coaching lots and lots of people over the years, is very, very similar. In other words, whatever comes up for you in the midst of change, while it can feel like you're the only one that feels this way or that way or struggles with certain things, rest assured you are not alone. Change can come as a force outside of us, something that just occurs out of our control. And sometimes change comes from the inside. You know, when you just have that feeling or knowing that something needs to shift or change in your life, and you choose to march forward on that path seeking that particular shift or change. If you aren't driving or exercising right now and in a safe place to write something down, I want you to ask yourself, what change are you navigating today in your life that you want to focus on as you listen to uh this episode today? As you listen to me share some ideas on how we can go about navigating change differently, I want you to have that particular area of your life top of mind. So for years of my life, I lived at the mercy of my circumstances. And you've probably heard me tell that story if you've been listening for a while. But I felt at the mercy of everything that was happening around me, like a little twig just blowing in the wind. And if things were lining up on the outside in the external circumstances of my life, if those things were going well or how I thought they should be, then I felt pretty good. But the moment things changed or something happened, or my plans were interrupted, or what I thought was going to happen didn't, or I wasn't getting the feedback I wanted, my mood and my energy and my happiness would plummet as well. I felt powerless. And it was a roller coaster. I didn't feel like I had much control over it. And it was just up and down. And it was hard to have lasting, sustainable contentment or happiness. This particular time in my life was a huge pivot point for me. And I knew there had to be another way. And it had been my life's, it has been my life's work over the past 20 years to figure out and integrate a different way of approaching and navigating change. And today I want to share some very basic but profound things that shifted and made all the difference. While life is still a roller coaster, my experience of it or on it is far different. I'm enjoying the ride, and even in the dips and spins, I know where to place my focus to make the ride a little smoother. And I'm no longer waiting for my great life to happen or appear. I'm taking part in creating it along the way. I want that for you too. Ryan Holliday in his book, The Obstacle is the way, which has a lot of great nuggets, by the way, says that if we were to see someone be personally offended by a road sign, we might think that that's crazy. And yet sometimes, sometimes we do get mad at road signs. But when you really think about that, this is a little bit crazy. Yet it's exactly what we do when life does this to us. Life is often telling us that we've got to come to a stop here. This door is closing, or there's been a detour and we must go this way. Or the route we thought we were going to take has changed. And there's inconvenient detours happening all over the place. And it's in these small moments we have a choice. We can fight it, we can kick and scream, we can have a pity party, or we can wrap our arms around it, even though we may not agree with it or like it, and keep moving on in the direction of our ultimate destination. When I'm working with clients one-on-one, they often show up to a call feeling powerless and at the mercy of what's happening around them. The circumstances can feel like it's life is just happening to them. What they and we don't always realize is that we have choices to make in these moments. And likely the choices we've been making up until now maybe have kind of been on autopilot. They're not so intentional. And this is where we have incredible influence to really change our experience of how we feel and move through change in our life. This is where we have an invitation to do differently. While there are many, many things that we can't control when it comes to change, there are absolutely things that we can. The first step to navigating change differently is number one, examine your thinking. So, you know, there's a lot of mental noise in our head. There's a lot of thinking that's taking place 24-7 in our minds. And often that thinking is not working in our favor. I think they say that we have on average like 60,000 thoughts per day. Most of those time, most of the time, those thoughts are running wild and often working against us. Our thinking over and over again creates a lens, like a pair of glasses through which we see and experience life with. And that lens is impacting how we filter everything that happens, and it's fueling and directing our actions and our quality of experience. And sometimes we may not even realize it. Let me give you an example. Let's say, for example, and this is a real experience I've seen time and time again with clients. Let's say they have a thinking lens of I'm failing or I'm a disappointment. And when they take this thinking, let's say, into the workplace, any feedback they receive from a boss or a coworker or a colleague is filtered through this lens. So while a manager may be offering valid constructive input to help move a project or a process forward, when the employee is filtering this feedback through a lens of I'm a disappointment and I'm failing, all they can see is that they're not measuring up and it knocks them down over and over again. And next to this, I've seen the same manager give the employee glowing feedback, positive affirmation of how much they value this employee. But when someone has a lens of I'm a disappointment or I'm failing, they often dismiss the feedback, don't hear it at all, or disregard it entirely by not believing what they are saying is true because they've already convinced themselves otherwise. So, with regard to change, these thinking lenses we carry when not examined can literally wreak havoc and prevent us from seeing the opportunity inside the change. How do I go about examining my thinking? Get out a pen and paper, empty your thinking by writing it down. Put down everything that's stirring in your mind about this particular change. This is something I do with my clients in my one-on-one coaching program. They do a lot of writing, and when they write, I get notified that they have posted something, and I can provide objective feedback or questions and invite them to explore something deeper or reflect back to them their own truth. And so this is the first step when you're experiencing some sort of change is to examine your thinking by writing it down. This will allow you to get some distance from it so that you can observe it with greater perspective. Number two, focus on the facts. We are storytelling machines, meaning that things happen in our life or change occurs in our life, and we interpret that event and make it mean all kinds of crazy things about who we are and how life happens for us, and we can make it mean so many different things. I want you to consider something for a moment. When change happens, while the change itself can create upset and emotion, I want you to consider that the real drama and the real upset and the exaggerated suffering becomes bigger because of our thinking and the meaning that we add around the event. So the key here is to focus on the facts and the moment that you are in. I want to give you a tool. It's called the circle tool. And I use this inside of my private coaching with clients. It's a game changer, it's a way to reduce emotion, stress, overwhelm, calm your nerves, and ultimately give you perspective and put you in a better position to respond and make a choice. Imagine in your mind, or if you have a piece of paper in front of you, you can actually draw this out. Draw a small circle about the size of your fist, and then you're gonna draw a larger circle around that circle, big enough that you can write something in it. So it looks like a big donut. In the small circle, write the facts, F-A-C-T-S, the facts about what happened. And you're gonna label the outer circle, the story I tell myself about what happened. Next to that outer circle, I want you to put an arrow pointing to the outer circle and write, most of my suffering lives here. In essence, this tool is saying that something happens in our life, the facts, the small circle. We begin to tell ourselves a story about what happened. That's the outer circle. These two circles get collapsed, and it feels as if this all really happened and it's all truth. We then react and respond to what's happening as if both circles are truth, and we add enormous amounts of heavy drama and suffering to our lives. This tool allows you to remove the collapse, identify the places where you may be adding to what happened and fabricating things that may or may not be true, and then allows you to respond in a more thoughtful, intentional way. Now you have a tool that you can use when navigating your change. So, as an example, let's go back to the scenario at work. Let's say we've been notified that our role is being eliminated. In the small circle, those are the facts. Role is being eliminated. Now imagine the things we might add in the outer circle that will fuel upset, drama, and suffering. This is a game-changing tool. When in reality, while this could be a surprising or even upsetting change, when we're so consumed by drama, we just miss the opportunity within the obstacle. Which leads me to number three in doing differently when navigating change. Expand your perspective. Instead of getting swept away in the upset, use the circle tool, calm your mind, calm your nerves, raise your awareness to where your thinking is taking over and fabricating things that may or may not exist. The next step, expand your perspective. Most people miss this. It's so easy to zoom in almost under a microscope and get so focused on the change and what it must mean. We get too close to the problem and we miss the opportunity. I believe there's an opportunity in every obstacle or change. And I believe that life is unfolding for us versus happening to us. And so it's really important to back up and take a wider view. Perspective is a sense of a larger picture of the world, not just what is immediately in front of us. And that's where writing your thoughts using the circle tool, both of these things are going to help you create more perspective around what's happening. In my private coaching program, Elevate, and then when I'm working with clients, I find that they're usually focused on avoiding what they don't want. Let me give you an example that's happened over and over again over the years. A person may be so excited about something. Maybe there's a new opportunity in their life or a new job or a promotion. And we have a call and they're just lit up and excited and they can't wait to begin this new journey. And literally a week later, we get on a call and all of their fears have shown up and they're completely focused on what if they fail, what if it goes wrong? What if they can't perform? What if they can't meet expectations? And know that this is completely normal. And especially in the face of change. It might even be a change we're excited about, but then fear will creep in at some point. And what we do when I'm coaching somebody, what we do is help them refocus, get perspective, back up, focus on the opportunity in the bigger picture, the larger goal they have for their life. Instead of looking at what could go wrong, we look at what could go right. And where do they have control to increase the likelihood of that happening? How do they want the first day of that job experience to go? I'll ask them if you could hear in the room after you left the room and you could hear them talking about you that for after the first day, what do you want them to have said? And then what can you do to increase the likelihood of that happening? That gives you a whole nother approach that increases the likelihood of the very things that you want, which leads to number four when navigating change differently. And with that, come setting your eyes on the ideal outcome within the given circumstance. Again, sometimes we can't change the circumstance, but given the circumstances, what is your ideal outcome? Who are you called to be in the face of this change? And ask yourself, is there something I'm missing? How could this ultimately help me? What is the opportunity inside of the obstacle? So to recap, when you're walking through change, how you do differently is first stop, pause to examine your thinking. Two, focus on the facts, identify the story you're telling yourself about the change or what has happened, and separate the two so that you can respond in a way that aligns with who you are and how you want to show up in the world. Number three, expand your perspective, step back and take a broader, bigger look. What if there's an opportunity? What if this is happening for you? Who are you called to be in the face of this? And lastly, identify your ideal outcome given the circumstances and align your thinking and actions to that. Brainstorm a list and take one action, one simple shift. You've heard me say that before. If you want to make big positive change in your life, it lives in the little tiny moments where you do something a little bit different. I want to leave you with a couple thoughts. Mark Twain said that I lived a long and arduous life and 90% of it never happened. Just think about that. The other one is life is 10% what happens to you and 90% of how you react to it. Remember, change is inevitable, growth is optional. So when it comes to that change that you wrote down or held in your mind that you wanted to be thinking about today, where is your thinking holding you back? How can you examine it, shift it, turn it around to create more mobility for yourself? What if you focused on the things that you can control? And who would you be and what would you do if you trusted that there's an opportunity right within this change? I've created a special download for you. You can find it, uh, the link in the show notes. And for those of you who may not know, there's a description of the episode in your podcast player, and within that you'll find a link. It's a navigating change checklist full of different ways of looking at and thinking about an approaching change in your life. I think you're going to love it. Here's to navigating change a little differently. Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Differently. I hope it stirred your thinking, and I invite you to take one inspired action from something that stood out to you. If you love listening to this podcast, may I ask you to link every video in Apple Podcast. It means so much to me, and I wish everyone they are a great postup. If you want to hear more conversations like this, then follow and subscribe on your Facebook Podcast app and comment button button. Remember at the stuff. See you next week.