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Differently: Stop living by default. Start living by design.
Differently is for when you need to get out of your head and back into your life.
Created and hosted by Carla Reeves, creator of The Differently Journal and The Conversation Club, her work is built on over 20 years of helping people use writing to navigate real life. Not as a habit to keep up with, but as a way to calm your mind, get clear, and move forward.
You are always writing your life, whether it’s in your mind or on paper.
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Differently: Stop living by default. Start living by design.
Wrestling with Writing with Megan Monique
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Have you struggled with a writing practice or felt inspired to start one?
Today, Megan Monique joins me to talk about all things writing.
Megan is a professional intuitive, creative director, coach, and healer.
She works with thought-leaders to break down their BIG ideas into actionable and aligned steps that build momentum in the direction of their unique goals and desires.
In this episode we talk about...
- The beauty in the struggle of writing
- How nourishing a consistent writing practice can be
- Writing as a catalyst for acceptance, forgiveness and change
- Ideas for getting started
- and, more!
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I don't know. Megan works with stock leaders to break down their big ideas into actionable and aligned staff that build momentum in the direction of their unique goals and desires. You can find her and check out her work across the internet at Megan in My Pocket. And her website is MeganInMyPocket.com. Today we talk writing. I realized during this call that writing has been a centerpiece in both of our lives and the work that we do for years. This is the first of what we think might be a series of conversations about writing and the tool that it can be in your everyday life, the love we have for it, and also the wrestling that takes place with writing. And I suppose anything that we deeply love or give ourselves to. Hi, Megan. Welcome to differently.
SPEAKER_01Hello, Carla. I am so happy to be here. Very excited.
SPEAKER_00I feel like a little girl on a play date because one, I haven't connected with you in a while, and I'm so excited to just spend some time with you. And also to just talk about this topic of writing that is so near and dear to my heart, and I know it's near and dear to your heart. And yeah, I just feel like a little kid like wanting to do jumping jacks and like have energy just bursting in my body. Can't wait to talk this.
SPEAKER_01Absolutely. I I think that's the energy we often have around each other. Just like that explosive creativity. Where do we channel it? Um, I was thinking before we hopped on the call because I knew we were going to be talking about writing, that that is really a place where our relationship originated. Sanity journals. And like that was the time period that I came into your life. And here we are again, what, 12 years later?
SPEAKER_00I just got chills. I hadn't made that connection. So for everybody listening, Megan and I met, was it 12 years ago?
SPEAKER_01It was, I know I was traveling in 2010, so it may have been 2009. Yeah. That we actually met, but 2010 was whenever we physically uh you know were around each other.
SPEAKER_00That's crazy. So Megan and I met on we met on Twitter, right?
SPEAKER_01Yes, I believe.
SPEAKER_00So and I had my business sanity journals, and I don't remember exactly how we got connected. I feel like it was through Shannon somehow. And do you remember any more details?
SPEAKER_01Um, I don't know if it was through Shannon or if that connection came later, but I was working for Owning Pink with uh Lissa Rankin at the time, and so I was very involved in her community. And I don't know if you were a part of that, but a lot of the friendships that I made during that time period were in some connection with uh with Lissa or just social media in general.
SPEAKER_00Yes. So I had never made a friend on social media, it was kind of strange at the time, and then you were doing like this traveling journey through owning pink, and she was looking for places to stay. And I like she came to stay at our home when the boys were little, and it was kind of this like exciting, scary thing to have a stranger come and stay in our home, and it was magical and wonderful and like the beginning of such a beautiful friendship.
SPEAKER_01Yes, it it was really magical. Oh, I remember when I left, um, you filled up several bags of books, and then another bag of food and oranges and nuts, and I just remember leaving your space feeling so nourished and nurtured and like cared for. It was the best feeling. I had a wonderful time. I stopped by I stopped by again on my way back and both times. Um, it was just sacred moments for sure.
SPEAKER_00And then a visit since then. I remember like with the boys like making the welcome. We had we had I had the painted chalkboard on Shane's wall at that time, and I remember making a little welcome message for you to stay in that room, and it's such a special memory, and so much goodness since then. So I'm so curious as we dive into thinking and talking about writing, like what role, what relationship is it playing in your life right now? I'm so excited to hear.
SPEAKER_01Oh man. And you know, like that's a great question, the way that it's raised, because it really just depends on on where you are in your life as to as to what that expression of writing or your relationship with writing looks like. Um I more than ever feel really honored to have that craft and have that tool and have it be something that I can go back to time after time. I remember um in my 20s, I struggled a lot with not being able to be consistent in my practice. And uh it was very frustrating for me because I wanted it so badly. And now, a decade later, um, I feel very grounded in knowing that my writing practice is kind of this web that I can fall into and be a part of and add to at any given moment. Recently we moved and I had the opportunity to go through a lot of my old journals and planners. Those are the same for me. Like I journal a lot in my planners, and um and just seeing like I would pick up, I would, I would write in something five years ago and pick it up three years later and add to the prompt that I had added to the page. And so I have this log of all of these different moments and times and the way that I felt during different periods of my time, and it is such a nourishing thing for me to have those because I very easily forget. You know, there there are identities and experiences of my life, of course, that are rooted that I can recall easily, but there are so many moments and and ways of feeling and and words that I said to myself or to God or whomever in my journal. Sometimes I write letters to other people in my journal, never intending to give them. Um, and and I really I feel very grateful for where I am in my writing practice now. I don't have that resentment that I used to carry about not being able to make it look some kind of way. And I found that the more I accept wherever I'm at, and I just show up however I show up, whether I can write seven pages three days in a row and then put it down for two months or you know, whatever it looks like, um, that that it's there for me. And it's it's always something that I can tap into and tune into, and it's always something that supports me. Um, there's so many different ways to utilize that craft to be a catalyst for change in your life or for acceptance in your life or for forgiveness in your life. Like whatever it is that you're wanting, that message about like it's not outside of yourself, it's within yourself. Writing is a tool that you can use to access that in a way that feels very authentic to you, in my experience.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so good. So for you, is there a distinction between writing and journaling?
SPEAKER_01Um sometimes, sometimes. I guess I guess sometimes I do think about writing in the context of like having a formally published blog post or you know, something that's been edited and wrote defined, or a book, or a poem, or whatever it is. Um, but I do think about the writing practice as a whole, and also I utilize my journals to sometimes extract what it is that I want to write about, or the consistent messages that have shown up for me throughout my life. So I think right now writing encompasses all of it, but it can be thought of more formally at times.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. I I think it for me too, it's like sometimes it's different and sometimes it's the same. And I think um I think right now in my life, so I have felt a calling to write like over the years um on and off. And I have felt God telling me to write, and like for the last couple of years or more, it's probably even more than that. At the beginning of the year, I'm like, okay, this is gonna be the year I'm really gonna do it, you know, separate from journaling, right? Because I journal like that's always in my life, but this was different, and then I start and then I stop, and then I feel sort of defeated and frustrated, and then I pick it up again the next year, and anyways, like a month and a half ago, I really felt that strong again. And I've been writing every day. I looked at the calendar, I'm like, oh, I started on the 18th, and so I've of June, and so it's almost like a month today that we're actually recording, but I've been writing every day, and it's just been so eye-opening. And so I've been doing timed writings, um, and sometimes using prompts and sometimes not, and sometimes it's journaling and sometimes it's not. Um I've had so many like eye-opening things happen, and one of them has been kind of what you were saying, like this freedom to write for no reason. That for all those years I thought, oh God, it's like nudging me to write for my business, or I must like maybe I'm supposed to write a book, or like feeling like it was somehow tied to my business and somehow tied to this finished product of something. And this process has like completely freed me of all of that. Like, I what I realized is that, like, and this is so crazy, but I'm like, of course, God, it wasn't to like write a book or do something like that. Of course, your ideas are so much bigger and grander than I can ever think of. But what I got this time over the last month, it was like, oh, I'm supposed to write to learn how to be more present. And that's been the gift this last month.
SPEAKER_01I love that. Um sorry, there's there's I'm rewinding in my mind to everything you just shared because there's so many moments that are uh relatable and also laughable. Because I think part of that having that attachment to the end result of like if I sit down to write, it has to become some finished product that contributes to something greater, that blah blah blah blah blah is part of like the capitalistic culture that we're raised inside of. We have been at least for the last decade or more, 15 years, like we've been seeing over and over and over again this find your niche, market your service, you know, like turn your talents into sellable things.
SPEAKER_00And while I achievement, achievement, it's achievement, yes.
SPEAKER_01Yes, and I I am a part of the digital marketing world, like that is the field that I work in, aside from the other spiritual work that I do. Um, but I do think that it's necessary for each of us as creatives, as writers, um, to to explore like where those urges come from, where that conversation internally arises from, because a lot of it is a programming, you know, not something that we actively chose, but that we've just seen so much and been told to want it so much that um everything kind of you know points to like this is what uh we have to do in order for it to be worthy or valuable or whatever it may be. Um yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and giving myself the freedom to not have to write for any reason, like just write to write. That's it. There's nothing else has been just really liberating, but also um uncomfortable at times because sometimes I write, like sometimes my writing is so boring. Sometimes my writing is like I there's nothing in there, there's nothing to say, and sometimes then like a little something will come out that inspires something else or something or a or a big insight, like it's it's kind of getting comfortable with all the full spectrum of what's inside of you. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um, I do think that developing a writing practice where you show up. Now, I I don't want to say consistently because that's something that I struggle with across the board, just across the board, when it comes to being everyday consistent, that is something that I struggle with. So my writing practice looks a little bit more spontaneous, but whatever your agreement with the page looks like, like mine doesn't look like every day, but writing is almost a therapy practice for me. And when I'm having those uncomfortable emotions, whether it be anger or sadness or worry or like something that I just can't shake in my normal prayer, or you know, or just like breathing and trying to release it, I have an agreement with the page. I'm gonna go to the page, I'm gonna talk to God, I'm gonna release this, I'm gonna put it down, I'm gonna like declare what it is that I'm done with, what it is I'm letting go, or even just how I feel in that moment because of X, Y, and Z. Um creating that that kind of consistency where you have the agreement and you can show up inside of whatever agreement that you make with the page does open a valve, you know, and it doesn't mean every piece of writing that comes out of you is is brilliant and publishable and all of these things, but it it creates this relationship between us and like whatever is on the other side of that craft, too, where we can show up and have those little nuggets of of wisdom come through just when we need them, you know, through the words that we're putting on the page unexpectedly. Or or the um, I know for me when I'm like kind of running into a wall mentally or like trying to navigate some sort of relationship or emotional situation, when I put it down on the page, either during the writing process or after the writing process where I feel relieved of whatever I was carrying. It's like the obstacle moves out of the way, or some sort of new pathway is presented. So it is very much a tool in a lot of different ways.
SPEAKER_00100%. I love that. And I now have you ever read any of Natalie Goldberg's books? I have not. She has um, well, she has a number of books, but I right before all of this started with my writing, I was in Sabres, like bumming around, and of course, this book like left leapt off the shelf. I took a retreat with her years ago, a writing retreat, and um, but it's her book called Wild Mind. And she actually talks about what yours, yeah. She talks about what you're saying, is that um like a little bit of like writing through like one, I love where you're saying, like your you didn't call it relationship with the page. Well, yeah, your your agreement with the page, right? Yeah. She talks about your when you're going through all the parts of like, I don't want to write, I don't have anything to say, um, like all the resistance that comes up when you're learning to write or creating a writing practice. She says all of that is so important because you're developing a relationship with writing. And for people listening, like, yeah, it doesn't have to look any one way, you know, like you have your way, I have mine. I mean, I have fits and starts and struggles and victories and like all of it. But it is a relationship, and I think it does kind of change over life too. Like we were saying in the beginning that depending on what you're going through, but it is, it's just a tool in your back pocket that you have 24-7. It's free, it's available, and it's it's really powerful for navigating through life to figure out, to find answers, to hear, to listen, to get quiet, to vent, to everything, right? Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um, I think that there are a lot of us in the world right now, and perhaps always, but it just feels very predominant right now, that are have this desire to really know themselves and be the fullest expression of themselves and also be less codependent upon the relationships around them. I think there's more of us becoming aware of these words and these experiences and like the things that are not working and the things that we want to change. I feel like writing is probably the most widely accessible tool that anybody could use to begin that process of getting to know yourself better, getting to know what your inner voice sounds like better, getting to be able to navigate um whatever it is that you're moving through in the world without being as dependent upon the people around you. Writing is like the go-to place for that. And if you don't know what to write, Carla mentioned timed writing. Um, get a timer, decide whether you want to do five, ten, or fifteen minutes, and go to Pinterest, type in writing prompts for a sad day, or writing prompts for familial wounds, or whatever it is that you want to look for or that you're moving through. And there are infinite examples of sentences that you can just start with, and you can start the timer and fill up that entire page with that one prompt, just starting over and over again. Or you can write until that feeling runs out and then move on to another prompt. Or, you know, you get to create what the structure looks like, but don't let your resistance stop you from from making your way to the page because there's a lot available there, even as you're moving through the uncomfortable. Like, I don't know what to write about. This is boring. Blah, blah, blah. Keep going, keep showing up, keep doing it. Because one of the times something is gonna come up where you're like, whoa, I needed that today.
SPEAKER_00Oh, exactly. It surprises you. Yes. Yeah, in her book, Natalie Goldberg says, kind of what, like uh to the point of what you were saying, she says she was talking about talking to someone who was just starting a writing practice, and she said, I wanted to tell her that this first year of writing, there's little excitement. It's more like walking through thick desert heat with no end in sight. You look for an image and it becomes a mirage. Everything is empty, nothing you write holds. It's like trying to grab a fistful of sand with an open hand. The granules run through your spread fingers. All the thoughts of I'm wasting my life are going to come up. What do the kids think I'm doing all day? All these fears and worries will come up, but she says they aren't the real challenge. They're just an excuse or an out when we can't face that inertia inside of us, that resistance and boredom that arise as soon as we make an effort towards something we we deeply want. And like I just think it's such a good reminder to like anything we deeply want, whether it's writing, I what I'm discovering are there's so many lessons for life inside of this writing that if you're willing to push through, you know, people are sometimes, I'm sure you've heard this too, people are afraid to write, you know, they're afraid of what they might find or discover. And They don't want to stir the pot. The more you feel Yeah. And I feel like the more you feel that, the more treasure there is underneath it. And I've been experiencing just in the last month of like sitting with some of my feelings that I've never sat with. And almost um like experiencing the discomfort of that, but almost the freedom and the um I don't even know how to articulate it, but like of like sitting through that and getting on the other side and realizing that that feeling is just a feeling. It just the feeling, and when you just let it move through, it passes, and then there's you know more joy and more um of the the feelings that we want to have around more, you know.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And and also as you feel the uncomfortable feelings, you become a witness to how strong you are and what you can actually carry yourself through, where maybe you thought you couldn't before, you know, like I don't want to go there because that freaks me out and I don't know what's underneath that rug once I pull it up. But once you let it out and allow it to move through you and give yourself time to process all of that, you'll see what you're capable of on the other side. And it does bring you more good feelings. And then whenever you get to the next layer of what you want to look at, there's another stage of discomfort to move through too, you know. But like you kind of get better at it the more you practice, and it becomes less scary over time.
SPEAKER_00That's right, that's right. Detox so the wild mind thing um talks about wild mind like as like imagine, she says to imagine like a big, big sky, like in Montana or Iowa, or like big sky. And then she says, now imagine, like I'm gonna make a red dot with a magic marker. And she says, that red dot is like your monkey mind, right? You're making a red dot on that big sky. And when we're writing and we're like, oh, I'm not a good writer, I don't know what to write, you're like zoomed in on that red dot. And then she says, but just remember, like, there's all that big sky. And like really, she talks about writing is about losing control, and writing is about going with first thoughts, and writing is about kind of letting your mind go wild. And it's risky and fearless and scary and rich and everything, right?
SPEAKER_01Yep. And it's just you and the page.
SPEAKER_00So tell us about like what is yeah. What um tell us about your like what is that your practice look like? Right now, um where do you write, what do you write on, that kind of stuff.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, um, so I in in my youth where I was frustrated with my practice. I would gravitate towards excuse me, any journal that like appealed to me aesthetically, but I would never complete them. And that was part of my frustration was not being able to like fully complete a journal. So um sometime in the last five or six years, let me take a drink of water real quick. I switched over to smaller moleskin journals that are like half the size of a sheet of standard paper, and I use the lined ones, and I have two different pens. Um, I think one of them is the precise pen. And that's what I stick with. So sometimes like it's a brown moleskin, sometimes it's a black moleskin, but now they're smaller, so it's easier for me to complete a page, it's easier for me to complete a whole journal, and aesthetically I really love um I try to write as similarly as possible, and so I really love how it feels by the end of the journal, and like all of the pages, the writing is the same, and um it feels full and crinkly and all of those wonderful things.
SPEAKER_00I love that. I love that. So is it um always pen to paper?
SPEAKER_01Um The only time that I switch is I have an iPad and I use good notes, and so I was using a digital planner at the beginning of the year, but I am someone who switches between things. So what I try to do is I have the digital planner, I have an undated planner, and then I have my mole skin journal, and I try to only hop between those three things. I don't really like journaling on the iPad because I can't I can't write as quickly or in the same style of writing that I like. Um, but I do use the digital planner sometimes, and I like how that works too. But again, I I like the versatility of being able to hop from this or that or whatever mood you know I'm feeling, and still it be just the three things that I move between. I don't go out and buy new journals. I and that's because I still think they're beautiful, but like I know what's gonna happen once I get that journal home, and that doesn't I don't feel good about that. I want to go to something that is easy for me to return to, that I know I love, that I know I'm gonna use, um, that is like a tried and true practice for me.
SPEAKER_00It's so true. Like it's gotta feel for me, it's gotta feel good for you. You know, you've gotta like like the feel of it. And for some people, if it's too like nice of a journal, there's just too much pressure associated with that. And for a long time I wrote in just like regular old notebook, you know, stenno notebooks. Um Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I used to use those as well.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. But I but I fluctuate too between different mediums. I sometimes I like to write um you know digitally online, and sometimes I just need like pencil, I use pencil, pencil, and paper. But it's it's kind of a intuitive feeling of which which modality is right.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and I think which which modality I'm sorry. Um, which modality is gonna be most fluid to participate in because there's already enough factors of resistance. So you want whatever tools you're using to be easy for you to show up at.
SPEAKER_00For sure. And I I have like little journals, like little notebooks in my car. I have a little notebook in my purse. That's not the same. I didn't include that. Go anywhere. I know. I don't like to go anywhere without pen and paper. Seriously, it's kind of like having a bottle of water for me. It's like it's just for me, it's like a it's yeah, it's a it's um it's just a tool, it's a playground, it's like a creative outlet. It's I if I have pen and paper, I'm entertained for a long time. Yes. So I realized that I was so excited to start talking about writing that I forgot to have you share like a little bit about who you are, what state of life you're in, and like give paint us a picture.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, hello everyone. We just got carried away in that conversation. Hope we found some nuggets for you. Um, my name is Megan Monique, and I um where to begin. I work in the digital marketing world as a creative director, and my strength is really design, but I also assemble funnels and teams and uh content plans and social media strategies and all of that. So that's like part of the world that I live in. And then the other part of the world that I live in is that uh I'm also a spiritual teacher and healer, and right now I'm working on a program for boundaries protection, um, energy protection, and cord cutting. And there is a lot of writing practices involved in that. I would say like writing is probably the most constant thing that has existed throughout all of my offerings, throughout all of my personal practices, throughout any of my recommendations when people reach out to me for um, you know, whatever it is that they may need support around. Um, and then I also do coaching. So I work with people really to navigate their relationships, whether it be uh within their career and at work or inside of their families and relationships. And I also provide external processing services for those of us who just need a safe container to release verbally all the stuff that we're carrying, um, without really much much coaching or much feedback or anything like that, but just so you know that you have a day in time that you can come to say what you need to say without anyone saying anything back to you.
SPEAKER_00There's power in that. Yes. I didn't realize I'm just realizing, Megan, that writing is a centerpiece to both of our worlds and has been all these years that we've known each other. Like very much. I love that. Yes. So if we could go anywhere else in this conversation with writing, where would you want to go?
SPEAKER_01Well, I feel like we covered a wide variety of topics. Um, it feels like a really good intro conversation to somebody who's been, if you're out there and like you've been wanting to explore more of your writing, but you've been feeling those resistant pieces, or you don't know where to start, or maybe you've never gone to the page and you just needed a little bit of a oomph, you know, to get over whatever it is that you're feeling so that you can show up and explore what comes out. Um, but I would love to continue this conversation with you again and have a part two to um the writing conversation and take it in some more specific direction. So if you're listening to this and want to message Carla with any questions or um thoughts that came up as you were listening, we would love to use that in the next episode if Carla has me back.
SPEAKER_00Yes, I would love to have you back. And I do think there are so many other places we could go with regard to writing. Um if somebody's wanting to just get started, like maybe we can oh, I know. I want I do want to share one thing. This was from Natalie's Natalie Goldberg's book, but she has like these, I don't know, it's one, two, three, four, or five, like six rules of writing. And I don't even like to use the word rules because I don't think there are any rules in writing, but we can just call these guidelines. But she says, uh, keep your hand moving, um, be specific. And that's something that's really helped me. It's like I can be very general and vague and say, like, oh, it was a great day, but like really going deeper than that to say, well, what made it great? Or if you're talking about a bird in the tree, like what kind of bird is it, or what color is it? Or like I love that getting specific. The third one is lose control, and that's just that wild mine idea. The fourth is don't think. And I love that because she talks about just going with your first thoughts and just kind of following thought. And so a prompt is a great way to start, but then just kind of follow your thinking. And um, the next one is don't worry about punctuation. And the her last one is go for the jugular, like go for what feels risky and scary and just say it, get it out. It feels good.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Anything else you want to add? Um, I think sometimes like describing the situation, whatever you may be writing about, describing the different scenarios or the different perspectives, uh, looking at it from different angles is also it's a good practice too, if you if you're there and you don't know what to what to put on the page as far as details go.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, sometimes I'll just say I'm, you know, I'll start writing and just say like I'm I'm sitting on my green comforter and I can hear I'll kind of tune into all my senses. This is what I hear, this is what I see, and that is a great way to just get present and started and then kind of follow thought from there. But yes, and I know Megan and I, if any of you have questions about writing, you can reach out to us both on Instagram and we'd love to hear your questions. And um where I kind of in closing, Megan, like where do you where is your writing sort of helping you now or taking you, or is it taking you somewhere right now?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, um I I feel very refined at this moment in my writing practice, which is isn't a nice feeling. I know I won't always feel that way because there's always room to get better. Yeah, so I'm enjoying this moment for sure. Um, so there is like that professional writing aspect that feels really refined and good. The other day I showed up on the page um on my computer and wrote a very thorough, clear blog post for my website that just like poured out of me effortlessly with very minor edits needed. And so it felt really good to like be able to accomplish that in that way. Um, and I'm I'm exploring more of that as well because I have a lot of conversations around boundaries that I want to be having with people. And then uh personally, like inside of my journal, my writing has been definitely supporting me through just navigating like tricky emotional waters and some of the uncomfortable feelings that come up as we pull up that rug, you know, and and peel back the layers of ourselves. Um, my journal has been carrying me through some of those moments where um it's like a a way to channel that energy. For me, it has been showing up as anger or frustration and so or sadness, and like being able to just port that out on the page. I often feel like I I walk away and I'm like, okay, I'm done. You know, like I I just needed to say that. Just needed to get that out of me. I just needed to put it down. And then once I did it, does I do feel a sense of resolve around it? Um, so I definitely have every intention on continuing that practice because it is for me a practice of prayer and like working with God to um to create my life experience.
SPEAKER_00I love that. It's such a good processing tool for just processing whatever is in your world. I love that. Absolutely. Okay, so last question: what does differently mean to you?
SPEAKER_01What a a timely question as well, because I have been pondering a lot lately of the places where my my edges of my energy are meeting others, where um I I'm wanting more full self-expression. I'm wanting to be unbashedly me. And it's not that there are places that I'm not, that it's like I can feel my spirit wanting to stretch and grow and do something differently. And so I think that that's what it means for me right now is like the world right now is so every like paradoxal with so many things happening at the same time, and it's like still in spite of that, how can you do things differently? How can you carve this path for yourself? How can you, you know, make your way in the world in a way that feels authentic to you, to me. Um, and still like all of this is going on.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I love that. And writing is such a great place, and it's been such a sacred place for me to figure out my own self and my self-expression. And I I I think over the years, it's like it's where I sort of like I start in my journal and practicing that. And then the more and more I practice that, and the more truth I tell on the page, the more that starts to spill out into my everyday life. And becomes I'm so happy that you're doing that. I can't wait to do this again. So we'll make it for you guys. Um,