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Differently: Stop living by default. Start living by design.
Differently is for when you need to get out of your head and back into your life.
Created and hosted by Carla Reeves, creator of The Differently Journal, her work is built on over 20 years of helping people use writing to navigate real life. Not as a habit to keep up with, but as a way to calm your mind, get clear, and move forward.
You are always writing your life, whether it’s in your mind or on paper.
It's time to take the pen back.
Turn overthinking and self doubt into clarity, confidence, creativity and momentum.
Stop surviving your life. Start creating it.
Differently: Stop living by default. Start living by design.
Overcoming Burnout with Kyle Ota
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
Do you struggle with taking on too much? Do you find it hard to rest?
I have a conversation for you today that cracks this all open and takes you behind the scenes of burnout -the impact, the costs, the heartache AND the recovery.
Kylie Ota, a Business Burnout Coach, joins me today and generously opens her heart and shares her story of over-working that eventually wore her body down and caused a major, important pivot in her life.
I believe you will find yourself somewhere in here story - I sure did.
This is a long conversation, but well worth the listen.
I invite you to shine a light in your own life as you listen to her story - is your body, or an area of your life calling for your attention?
Enjoy!
Check out our episode together on The Burnt-out Entrepreneur Podcast
"Unwinding Our Addiction to Productivity with Carla Reeves"
Learn more about Kylie:
Website: https://www.kylieota.com/
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Website: https://www.differentlyco.com
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Thank you for listening!
Do you ever struggle with overworking, overproducing, overextending yourself, or burnout? Do you find it hard to rest? I have a conversation for you today that cracks this all open and lets you peek into the inside, the impact, the costs, the heartache, and the recovery. I met Kylie Oda when I was on her podcast, The Burnt Out Entrepreneur. We talked about unwinding the addiction to productivity. And I knew after our conversation that I wanted to have her come share her story with you. Her need to survive her circumstances led her into an overworking cycle that finally wore her body down and caused a major pivot in her life. I believe you will find yourself somewhere in her story. I sure did. This is a long conversation, but worth the listen. I invite you to shine a light in your own life as you listen to her story. Is your body or an area of your life calling for your attention? I'm Carla Reeves, and this is differently. Whether you feel stuck in survival, navigating a change, or seeking more for your life, may this podcast be your weekly nudge to take a risk to build a life that is uniquely bold, authentic, and in alignment with your deepest values. After a decade of coaching individuals from corporate leaders to creative artists to multi-million dollar CEOs, I'm convinced we are far closer than we realize to what we deeply desire. And it's a willingness to do differently that can change everything. Hey differently listeners. I'm excited to have Kylie Oda here today. And Kylie and I met because I got to be a guest on your podcast. And we talked about what was the title of it? It was um unwinding my addiction to productivity, I think. And so I I loved our conversation. I really felt like there was such synergy between what we're doing, and I'm excited to have you here today. So welcome.
SPEAKER_00Thank you. Oh my gosh, it's so fun being here. And our our conversation around unwinding the addiction to productivity. Like so many people love that episode. Um, it really struck a chord with people. So I'm excited to be here on your podcast because you talk about doing things differently and how do we do things differently? I know on either on our pre-interview or the other um the regular interview, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result. It's like unless you do something differently, like you're gonna keep getting what you're getting right now.
SPEAKER_02So that's right. That's right. So you have a different story. So I would love for you to start with that and really how that showed up in your life and where that has led you.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So um it all happened around like 2015, 16 when I was diagnosed with adrenal burnout. And I had been working in the oil and gas field for about 17 years at the time. It actually took me two years to finally leave the job. Um, but from in within those two years, I discovered that one, I had the health diagnosis. And so here's the thing, I was so used to to you know the pop-a-pill culture. So I went to the doctor and he's a naturopath who also practices as an MD. So he's both Eastern and Western, you know, qualified, certified. And he's like, Oh, well, okay, let's try some holistic treatments. And he gave me a list of supplements. So I was like, okay, good. These supplements are gonna help me, they're gonna fix me. I'm just I just need to take these supplements and I'll get better, you know. And when I went back for my you know, checkup, we did more blood tests, he's like, Your numbers have not shifted. I'm like, oh well, I'm I'm doing, I'm taking all the things that you're telling me to take. And he's like, Well, well, what are you doing? Like, are you you know, like relaxing or like chilling out? I'm like, Oh, no, was I supposed to? He's like, You're not gonna heal if you're not resting. Because the whole purpose of, you know, the the the big part of the protocol was for me to relax. And I thought just being off of the job, because I was working 12-hour shifts, six days a week, 12-hour shifts, because we were short staffed. Um, and he's like, he took me off of the job in order to heal. So he's like, You can't work, you know, a 72-hour work week and heal from this. So he took me off of work and I was like, okay. But when I was home, I was like, oh, now is the time for me to take care of all those honeydew things that are on my list. So I started working on things like unfinished projects in the home. And he's like, No, you can't do that. You need to just sit down, relax, and rest. I said, Well, I said I sleep around five to six hours and then I can't go back to sleep. Like my body had been so used to to getting between four to six hours of sleep. Like with those years of the shift work, and especially being on night shifts, like I would get home at 6 a.m., but then I would still have to take the kids to school, and then get back, you know, like after you're done taking your kids to school. By the time I was getting into bed, it was like 8, 8:30 a.m. And then I have to pick up the kids after school. So that means I would have to wake up at 1.30 if they were done at 2.30, you know what I mean? In order to pick them up. And I have two children. One was at this school, middle school, one was at an elementary school. So, and I was a single mom for about 50% of my career. So, you know, juggling all the different things and all the responsibilities on top of all of the shift work that I was doing. You know, I I didn't know how to be a different way. Like, this is just my life. I when the doctor and I were talking, I said, Well, well, here's what I'm doing, and I keep I keep a pretty detailed journal, like or planner, because I plan everything out, you know. Like, well, this is what I'm doing. I had church on here, um, and I was serving in children's ministry. Um, part of that time I was also on the worship team. I was leading a small group Bible study. Um, so I felt like I was obligated. Oh, and my kids were in sports. So part of the obligation, right, is you have to bring snacks, right? You have to be the snack parent. And with soccer, um, when my son was playing in the higher levels, we had to volunteer as sideline referees. Because that was part of the program. So I was doing all of these different things and taking my kids to sports, music practices, and whatever. And my my mom responsibilities, you know, my job responsibilities. And I was married for about half of that time because I got divorced in between there. So just everything that I had going on. Oh, and then the church responsibilities, it was as if like I was living this life in a silo. Like the church people, like that's all they knew was this version of me. And then the work version of me had to still show up at 100%. And then the mom version of me had to show up at 100%. So if we're adding them all up 100 plus 100 plus 100. So I'm like, I was going at like 350%.
SPEAKER_02And then your body finally was like, We're not doing this anymore.
SPEAKER_00We're done.
SPEAKER_02So what were the sign what were the signs that led you to seeking help?
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Um actually what happened was I got remarried, and when my husband moved in with us, I would sit down to watch TV and I would just fall asleep immediately. Now, mind you, I had been doing this on the regular when it was just me and the kids. So they knew like once mom falls asleep, don't wake her up because you're gonna wake up the dragon. Because I was like, I was so tired and I had such a hard time falling asleep. Anytime I did fall asleep and the kids would wake me up, I was a total banshee. I was like, who woke me up? Because like sleep, I was so sleep deprived. Yeah, so when my husband was, you know, living with us and he would see me falling asleep on the couch when we're watching TV, or like he'd take me to the movies. He's like, You didn't even make it past the credits, you know, the opening credits, and you fell asleep. Like you just wasted like 20 bucks. Well, I'm gonna take you to the movies, we'll just wait till it comes out on TV, you know? And I was like, I can't help it. Just this is just how my body is. And he's like, No, I've been a shift worker because he had been in shift work too. He used to work for the Airlines before he moved over to oil and gas where we met. You know, he's like, No, I've been a shift worker my entire career as well. And like, I sleep like a baby. He's like, You see me sleep, I s I sleep fine. I said, Well, I I don't know what to tell you. And he's like, Some no, something's wrong with you. You're falling asleep all the time. You need to go get checked. And I was like, Yeah, yeah, yeah. Until, you know, he kept harping on it. He's like, No, because this is getting in the way of our relationship, because his love language is quality time. And anytime I would sit down and I fall asleep, he was like so disrespected. He's like, because we we were both shift working at the time. So anytime we did have to spend together, I was sleeping. He was like, No, we you know, we only have a limit of time to spend together because we were both on shifts. It's not like we would go to work during the day and come home and be together at the same time. We were kind of like ships passing in the night, and when we had a day off together, it was really important for him to spend that time together. So it it was affecting our relationship. And I said, fine, I'll go, I'll get tested. And for me, I was just thinking, let me just check off the boxes. Go make doctor's appointment, check. Get blood test, check, get test results, check. And then I could finally prove to him there's nothing wrong with me, this is normal, this is normal part of shift work life, and let's be done with it. Wow, you know.
SPEAKER_02So at that point you didn't you weren't seeking a change. You just this is just how life was. Wow. So when did it when did it shift to your desire to make a change?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, well, when um I got the test results back. So they tested for everything, like like diabetes, heart disease, like the major things. But what popped up was Epstein Bar infection and the uh low cortisol result. So the cortisol result that I had was 0.8. For those who are not familiar, a normal low-level cortisol is a 10. So if anything below 10 or between 5 and 10 is a low result. And I was at 0.8. So the doctor looked at me, he said, I don't even know how you walked into this office today with this result. Most people with your result are bedridden and they can't function. He's like, I don't know how you're functioning and you're still going to work. Um, so he said, so this is before he put me on the protocols, right? He said, Okay, keep doing what you're doing. Normally I take people off of caffeine so that your adrenals can recover, but the way your numbers are, you know, you know, you can still drink your coffee in the morning, it get yourself going, getting together. And then once the um the supplements kick in and your body starts making things on its own, then we can dial you back down on the caffeine. I was like, okay. And that's so you would think me being almost dead or whatever, bedridden would would have been the kicker. No. To wake you up. What actually happened, yeah. When I went back for um that follow-up, and he's like, Your numbers are the same. Like, what are you doing? And I when I was talking about, well, I was still like still working out of the home and trying to catch up on my home to-do list. That's when he sat me down and he said, You need to stop. He's like, if you're not going to change your lifestyle, I don't know where you're gonna be in a year. Yes, the supplements will help, but you cannot out-supplement, you know, a horrible lifestyle. I'm I'm using those for I'm using that phrase. Yeah. You know, yeah, you can't out-supplement bad lifestyle choices. And I was like, uh, and then it it hit me. And uh mind you, at that time the doctor had written me uh uh a doctor's note for medical leave about three months in order for me to heal. And in those three months, when I was home with the kids, so at that time my daughter was um in high school and my son had already graduated high school. So I'm dealing with you know older children at this point. But just seeing the difference of me being around and you know, me being a parent in the home. Before that, it I was not, I would say not mothering them. I didn't have the time or the energy to really mother them. A lot of it was just checklists, okay. Took them to school, fed them food, gave them a bath, you know, it was all just checking things off the list. And they didn't have that mothering time with me, you know. And when I got to spend that time with them, it really became evident that I hadn't been them. I I had not been there with them their entire life. And I could see the difference and that they were craving my energy, time, and attention. And now that I had the time to give it to them, it it was a little too late. Like, you know, like they're they're older already, they didn't want the mommy time anymore. Although they didn't make time for me, it was like I could see the damage that had been done to our relationship, like they weren't close with me anymore. They kind of when I was wanting to reach out and spend time, they're like, it's okay, mom, I got it. You know, I had raised them to be so independent that they didn't need me anymore, and it hurt, you know. Um and you know, when you have time to think about things and reflect on things, uh I just sat there and I was like, wow. Um and it really got because um I made work my God or my idol, and I had put work on such this such of a pedestal that anytime work called, anytime I needed to do something at work, I was like, no, no, no, I got work is more important. That's why the sleep was important, because if I didn't sleep, then I couldn't function at work, you know? So I had I realized I had made work on my idol and I had put my kids on the back burner, and now I was reaping the results of those actions or inactions in my home life. And because I was a shift worker, my parents were heavily involved in helping me take care of the kids, and I was like, Well, they're getting nurtured, not by me, but they had people, they had caretakers in their life, even though I wasn't around. But I realized that the love of a mother is so important in the development of the children. And that's around that time is when I was introduced to health coaching. My friend invited me to a seminar, and we were already, you know, planning to go on a trip there anyway. So I went to the seminar, my husband did his own thing, and that's when I learned about health coaching, and I decided to sign up and talk about like a God moment. I was already health coaching, I was in multi-level marketing as a beach body coach, and because I loved working out and I loved you know seeing people get healthy because I was I want to say I was always a health nut, but I took a food allergy test with the same doctor in 2008, and because I just needed more energy. And I realized so my my Bible study leader at the time, she had gone to see him and got her test. She's like, Wow, all I had to do was eliminate eggs and something else for my diet, and I'm losing weight, I have so much energy, and I was like, I I didn't need to lose weight, I've never really had a problem with weight, but that energy. And I was like, Oh yeah, sign me up. So I went to go see him, got my my test done. I was allergic to 36 different foods. 36 different foods, and I went through a whole um food elimination diet, and my energy came up. I did lose weight because of the, you know, getting rid of all the inflammation in my gut and whatever, but the energy had really kicked up. And I was like, oh, okay, this is cool. And I had always been seeking energy increasing protocols or whatever you want to call them, because I knew I was going down this slope. I was even on hormone replacement therapy when I was only 32 years old because my progesterone had taken a dive. And after studying the burnout cycle, that was stage three of the burnout cycle, where your your hormones start to just kind of they they stop making, they start producing because the adrenals can your endocrine system can only produce for so long, and then it's like, hey, I can't make anymore, and then parts of my endocrine system just started shutting down due to overwork.
SPEAKER_02So I want to stop you for a second because I don't want you to get too far away from something that you talked about. Um the health coaching is kind of where things started to pivot for you. So we'll come back to that. But I just I want to acknowledge you for being so honest, honestly, um, about like the impact that that all had on you and your life and your family and your kids and your mothering, and it's a really big deal. And I know, I know the people that I work with, I know my own journey, and I know people listening can probably relate to this like relentless um drive and energy to like just keep working and checking boxes, and you have so um like poignantly shown the impact of that, right? And sometimes when you're in it, you can't see it, and you can't see the impact. And it feels like, I mean, your story especially, it's like, how could you have changed that? You're a single mom doing all these things, and like, you know, it just feels like this is how life is, and and you become resigned to the fact that it can be anything different until your body literally is like, no, like, you know, sometimes that's how God works in our life, right? Like, he might be telling us and guiding us, but if we're not listening and we continue to not listen, right? It's like, okay, we're just gonna shut this down and get your attention. And it sounds like that's what happened to you. And totally so I'm I want to talk for a minute because I think that you talk about this too, is that like that root and that what's behind all that drive and that need to continue to work all these hours and check all these boxes and sacrifice all these things that are so near and dear to our hearts. And like, why? Why do we do that? And what Let's be, you know, that's the work that I do to try to help people uncover that uh what I call your survival model so that you can really be free of that. But I know that that is real. And so what did you discover for yourself about that to finally make a sustainable change in this?
SPEAKER_00Yeah. I well, I realized I had been in survivor mode for you know, the last 15 years of my life at that point. And I didn't want to be in oil and gas. Getting into oil and gas was a necessity after I had left the military and I was a single parent again. So I was divorced twice, you know, and oil and gas was a job that could, you know, afford me to leave my parents' home, get into my own space, you know. Oil and gas is a very lucrative industry, so I was making six figures right away, you know, being in that industry.
SPEAKER_02And as brand of the military were you in?
SPEAKER_00I was in the army as a mental health specialist.
SPEAKER_02Okay. Keep going.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02I have a seven. Right.
SPEAKER_00So that's why the psychology, yeah, the psychology and the brain. Like I was so into that. Like I took my first psychology class in high school, and I was like, wow, people get paid. Like I could get paid to talk to people. So I was already kind of counseling my friends, and people were coming to me for advice. Back then, I was like, wow, I could get paid to do this. Like, this is an actual job. And that kind of planted the seed. So when I went to the recruiting station and they said that that was an actual job that they were recruiting for at the time, I said, Oh yeah, cool, sign me up. And I didn't have money to go to school. At the time, my uh financial aid fell through. Like so many different ways to pay for college didn't come to fruition. So I felt like I had no other choice except to join the military, get the GI bill so that I could go to college. Didn't end up going to college because I got pregnant right there, right away when I joined the army, got married, and then that marriage didn't work out, and I was a single mom, like right out the gate. I was a single mom at age um 19. Then got into oil and gas at age 20. I had no idea what I was getting into. Um very masculine world, um, like totally out of my element. I'm more of a creative, you know, it took me into a very technological, logical thinking structure. And, you know, I had to acclimate and adapt. And I learned a lot about mechanical things. And um, so being in that world that it wasn't my natural bent, it took a lot of energy.
SPEAKER_02So I think that also precipitated some of that burnout, you know, is I was trying to but was there was there something that I was thinking, yeah. But was there also something that you because I think you talk about this even on your website, like something you were trying to overcome or prove? And often I find that that's what sends us on this relentless pursuit and you know leads to addiction to productivity and all of those things because we're trying to prove our own worth or identity or whatever it was. Was that the case for you?
SPEAKER_00Oh, yeah, for sure. And there are there's only a handful of females, I would say one to two percent of the oil and gas industry is actually female.
SPEAKER_02Wow.
SPEAKER_00Um, so some of the ladies that I was working with were like, man, we have to work twice as hard for half the amount of recognition. And that that was kind of like this thing that this underlying joke that we have, the culture, the environment. And I was always trying to prove myself in that industry because I was young, I was a 20-year-old female, and I'm small. I'm 5'3 at the time that I joined, I was like about a hundred pounds. Wow, you know, so like having to lift, you know, 50-pound bags of chemicals and like wrenching and working out machinery, like it was kind of a joke to them, like this girl's not gonna last. And but because I am the way that I am, right? I'm like, I will be wrong. I'm a fighter. It's like, oh, you think I can? I I will show you that I can watch me. Yes, I'm I've always been that way, and I think because I grew up with brothers, you know, so there's that competitive spirit, like, oh, I can do what any boy can do. Because my brothers and I, or I would, you know, we would compete all the time. So it's like, oh, boy schmoy's like it's fine. Like I grew up with brothers and it was okay, you know. And that I know that had a lot to do with the burnout because I was trying to prove myself, prove my worth. And um because I didn't go to college, so I didn't have a degree, I couldn't move into like the engineering parts, you know, or any any other um parts of the field where it would take me out of the shift work. Yeah. So I was I knew shift work was bad for me, bad for the kids. It I mean, it hurt so much when I had to, you know, leave my kids with my parents for the weekend because I had to work. And but I got so desensitized over the years because I just had to. And like growing up in a divorced home, that was my MO. Just desensitized, because I had I felt the same things when I was going back and forth between mom and dad's house. It was like it that, you know, that separation from your parent, it hurts. But I had learned how to desensitize every weekend going back and forth. And then I applied that to my children when I was, you know, I was on the other side doing it to them. That was the way that I coped. That was the way that I survived and going to work, and I justified, you know, making those sacrifices because I'm now able to provide. Like I said, I've been divorced twice, both of the the dads did not pay child support at all. So I was still having to provide for my children without any support, the monetary support, my parents were there and everything else. But you know, um I think it's survived my whole life.
SPEAKER_02And that you talk about that desensitizing because I think that does happen. And I think that it's um like even you know, even in the work that I do with people and and the work I had to do in my own life of like addressing this kind of addiction to work and looking at how it actually become like an as a little bit of an escape and a way to avoid intimacy. And I find my clients often resonate with that too. And you do you you do sometimes you don't realize that those things are happening to you um until you know something causes you to pause and like look up and and really look inside to like how am I perpetuating this in my own life? And it's so I'm curious, like, let's pivot to how you mustered the courage to start to shift this and how that's led to your mission now.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah. So when I was um on my healing journey, I discovered health coaching, and it so it circled back around to when I was doing that mental health work. And I was like, same thing. I was like, I can get paid to talk to people. Like that dream was re- reawakened in me again. I was like, oh, here it is. You know, God brought it back. I had kind of been in the wilderness for about 17 years, and you know, God brought that dream back. And actually, I was just talking to someone last night, and she's a you know, she's one of my biz besties, and she's like, How's your podcast going? And she's like, remember we talked about this. Like, this is what you wanted to do back at the beginning when you're starting to build your business, you wanted to help people heal from burnout because I had healed and I actually went back into the oil and gas field again because I was like, Well, I was still studying to become a health coach because that was a whole year long's worth of certification. So I was living in these two worlds still, but knowing that this is a more direct path to me changing my career and shifting my career. And I went back to work and I saw how everyone was living, and it was like, uh, I saw signs and symptoms of burnout in pretty much the entire workforce.
SPEAKER_02What are those signs? Like for people listening, like what are the signs? And by the way, I think I forgot to mention the name, and we'll mention it at the end, but your podcast is called The Burnt Out Entrepreneur, and so you're an expert on this. So tell us what are those signs?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, well, the sign that I saw most was the same sign that my husband saw. Was as soon as people would come in, because we do field work and then we'd come back into the office, and people would just knock out and go to sleep right there. Like sometimes I'd be talking to some of the older guys who had been there for a long time. We'd just be talking like this, and next thing you know, they're just uh wow. And so I saw that happening at work. So that's see, that's why I thought it was normal. Because I saw my elders in the field, and that was happening to them. So I was trying to justify falling asleep all the time was normal. And other signs are um, so when you have high levels of cortisol, the belly fat stays, right? Because um the cortisol is your fight or flight chemical, and when you're under stress, right, your body's trying to protect itself, and what does it do? It protects your vital organ. So that's why the belly fat, the visceral fat. So a lot of my coworkers, there's mostly men, had beer bellies. And I was like, oh, that's why. Okay. And they were short-tempered, so that's another one, like lack of emotional regulation. Um, but mostly the sleep deprivation, the falling asleep all the time, the beer belly, and the lack of emotional regulation were were the three things that I saw that were prominent in all of my co-workers when I went back to work. And I was like, huh. Okay. And then the um the non-health related thing, the more intangible things, I saw the patterns in their lives too. Like they were disconnected from their families. There's a high divorce rate in oil and gas. Um, I was looking at those things because I was like, uh, also they're detached from their families. Oh, I'll get it. And then the people who were climbing up the ladder were more detached from their families than the people who were just there for a paycheck, but made their home lives the thing, the main thing, and they were just coming to work for a paycheck. They had healthier lives, they didn't have beer bellies, they weren't falling asleep, they really took their time off seriously, they didn't work excessive amounts of overtime for money, you know. They just came in, clocked in, and made their families um, you know, the more um important choice. And I was like, oh, so I saw, I saw the difference. I know God was showing it the contrast, and I know that that was God helping me to recondition my thinking. You know, this was my literal wake-up call. And um when the doctor said, like, you could keep doing the way that you're you're doing it, but I don't know where you're gonna be in a year if you stay at this job, you see you keep living at this pace, you don't you don't slow down. He's like, Don't pretty much he said, Don't come back to me if you're not gonna change your lifestyle. And I don't know where you're gonna be in a year from now if you don't change. And this was after my numbers had came back up, and then I kind of started going back into the old patterns, thinking, I'm okay now, I can go back to what I was doing. And he's like, No, the reason why you were able to heal is because right, I'm a I'm gonna go hard girl, right? I'm gonna go get her. So I went hard to go for that healing, like whatever he said to do, I did. Yeah, you know, so I healed, and then I was like, Well, okay, now let me go back to my regular life, what I used to do. And he's like, No, that's what got you there in the first place. If you go back to that lifestyle, yeah, this was good, you healed yourself, but you go back there. Yeah, he's he's very he had terrible bedside manner, according to one of my friends that I referred, and she didn't go back to him. So he's very blunt.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, but don't go back to him. It sounds like you needed that.
SPEAKER_00I did. I I needed the tough love. Because that's how I am too, right? I'm pretty, you know, I'm pretty hard. I'm gonna go get her. I'm like, just just tell me what I need to do, I'll do it.
SPEAKER_02Well, and I think it's fascinating too. The um you describe like the you know, that hyperachiever part of ourselves. Like it's like, okay, well, I okay, so I can't hyperachieve here. So now, like you said earlier, I'm gonna go hyperachieve all the household things I have to do. And I've had to watch that in my own life. That and that part of yourself is really sneaky about how it will just create a whole bunch of motion and busyness over here now. And it really does take being mindful to keep that under control. I know I have to watch that myself, and it can even look like good things, it can look like creativity, and um, but where it gets you into this state of over-stimulization over-stimulation and and pull you away from those other things that are important and more important. Okay, so walk us through some of the things that you did that people listening who are relating to what you're doing can also start to look at in their own lives.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So I will say what helped me heal was Netflix and chill. Not the the dirty-minded way of Netflix and chill, but I honestly sat in front of the TV. I I found a Netflix series that my friend was watching, and it was on Netflix, and I was like, you know what? So I just started watching that, and it helped my brain to disengage from my to-do list. So before that, um I hadn't had TV for years because I'm like, I'm trying to save money, I'm a single mom. And I just like TV is the enemy of productivity, so I'm not gonna watch any of it. So when it was time for me to heal, I just turned it on just randomly. One day I was like, uh, whatever, I'm kind of bored. Let me just watch it. I've I slept so good during that Netflix binging time. I was like, huh. So I realized what was happening. My brain had disengaged from my to-do list, and I was able to fall asleep. I was able to rest more comfortably. Because you know, sometimes when we have that addiction to productivity, our to-do list is forever playing in our brains. We have a hard time falling asleep at night, or we're we're dead tired during the day. I'm like, oh, I can't wait to get to bed. And you know, as soon as you get to bed, wide open, your eyes are wide open, and you're keep oh, did I did I do that? Did oh, okay. Well, let me add that to my asana list for tomorrow. And oh, maybe I could just do it right now, you know, like getting that crazy making down, right? Crazy making. Because we always feel like we're so behind. Yeah, we always feel like we're so behind because our to-do lists are a mile long, right? And just sitting in front of that at TV and the doctor saying, you know, his prescription was rest. Like, you need to learn how to rest, you need to just sit there and don't do anything. And I was like, but what about my house? He's like, You have kids, don't you? My kids were older at the time. It's like you have kids, you have a husband, they know how to do things. And then my perfectionism was like, but I fired them from those jobs because they don't load the dishwasher correctly, they don't fold the towels the right way, um, my socks go missing, or like they're folded the wrong way. And I was so bent on everything being perfect that I was like, nah, nope, don't do it, I'll do it. And I just started taking everything on. And I I realized I had to do that.
SPEAKER_02Yes, that especially as women, we people don't do it up to our standards, and then we just keep doing it and to the point of exhaustion and burnout. Yeah. So how did you so you you eventually started to let them contribute and help? What a and what a gift for your kids. I've seen that in my own life. It's a gift for your kids to do these things.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_02And it builds confidence.
SPEAKER_00I the only reason why I did it is because the doctor said so. I wouldn't have if that wasn't part of my actual protocol. I said, don't do anything. When you go home, don't do anything. I need you to see.
SPEAKER_02That had to be hard. Because I know how to do it. For hyperachievers, doing nothing is like death.
SPEAKER_00It is. And I I didn't know what to do with myself. And because my husband was there and he heard it, he's like, sit down, don't do anything. And I was like, oh my god. It sounds like so it should be so easy. Oh yeah. Like you just sit back and relax and chill. You have to learn how to relax.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. So you eventually learned to enjoy some of this.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Well, and the calming of your mind. Learning that my world wouldn't fall apart if I stopped. Yes, were the floor sticky a little bit, and like were the dishes not done properly? And were there dishes left in the sink and laundry kind of overflowing? And like not everything was put away. You know, there's stuff on the counters and like having things out of place, it took a whole mindset shift. Like, that's okay. Nobody died.
SPEAKER_02Everybody's okay.
SPEAKER_00It's fine.
SPEAKER_02Everybody's maybe better. Yeah. Wow.
SPEAKER_00And um, I well, I grew up with a mother who so my grandmother was a real estate agent when my mom was growing up. So the way that my mom learned how to keep house was everything had to be perfect. Because my grandma was always showing homes and people would come over to her home. So the home had to be spotless. So my mom's house is still spotless to this day. If you go to her house and like there's like um a blanket on the couch that she was using and she forgot the phone, she's like, Oh no, my house is a mess. You guys can't come in. And then my because I would go up to pick up my sister sometimes, and she's like, when my sister was still living at home, she's like, the blanket was out. Like, sorry you couldn't come in, but the blanket was out.
unknownWow.
SPEAKER_00And you know, but that was the extreme that you know I had learned from my mom. So to have things unkempt in the home felt like I was failing as a mother, as a wife.
SPEAKER_02I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing because you reminded me of a story when uh my mom was the same way. And when my husband and I were first together, and like my family was coming to visit us or something, and it was like trash day, and the the can was like out at the street, you know, because it was pickup, and I was like, Oh, the can can't be like at the street, like that can't be the first thing they see when they pull in the driveway. What? Like that, like I look back at that and think that was insanity. But I would literally be on my knees scrub. The floor before my mom came to visit and like crazy making. Yes, we have to let go of some of this in order to build a life. So wow. So other steps that helped you to start building your life.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And those words would always Yeah, when my doctor said, I don't know where you're gonna be in a year if you keep doing the things that you were doing. And it kind of put the fear of God in me, like things have to change. You know, I started doing the protocols and all of that. And I said, I don't want to go back there, you know, and so I I really had to let a part of me die. You know, like the Bible says, you had to die to yourself, I had to die to the old man, the old way of doing things, and really, you know, cling to the new way of doing things, which if you're talking about Mary and Martha, right? I was so Martha, was you know, and then he's like, No, you gotta do the more Mary thing. And even before that, I would check off the box doing my devotions in the morning, like, okay, I read my scripture, I did my soap journal, okay, I'm good. And then I would go on my day. And he's like, No, I want a right.
SPEAKER_02Well, and for people listening in the in the Bible, there's Mary and Martha, and Martha was the um productivity queen, I guess we could call her. She was all about the checklists and getting things done, and Mary was very diligent about getting quiet and sitting with Jesus and serving. And okay, so keep going.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and he kept showing me like this is the way, walk ye in it. But yeah, just be more Mary than Martha. Because if you go back to being Martha, you're gonna go back to you know, the unhealed version of yourself. And I said, Well, I worked hard for this healing, I don't want to lose that. And at the same time, I saw what a difference it was making in my children when I stopped being a banshee about the perfectionism in the home. Like, it's okay to be dirty, it's okay for things to be a little unkempt, and it's okay to have I didn't have fun with the kids. I'm like, the house has to be spotless, and then we can do something fun. Like chores have to be done. That was that was what ingrained in me. Chores first, then you can play outside, then you can have fun.
SPEAKER_02Homework first, and then you can do well, and that's a whole illusion when you're operating in that mode. It's like I need to get all my to-do lists done, I need to get all of this done, I need to achieve this, and then this, and then this, and then I'm gonna live. And it's a it's a illusion. It is a lie. Keep going.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. No, and it really took okay, nobody died. Things are in a quote shambles, and nobody's nobody died, you know, and everything didn't fall apart. In fact, things were better. I have a better relationship with my kids now, you know, they're starting to warm up, open up to me, and just me being around and me not barking at them for asking for things. Because I'll be honest, when I was working those crazy shifts without my to-do list, I didn't have time, right? I was time blocked so hard. If they were trying to squeeze something in the last minute, there was no room, and I would just go, whoo, I would I would erupt. I'll just be honest, I would erupt at them and like, no, like if you knew you had a report or project and now you need me to get a poster board from the store, it's 9 p.m. Like, mom need to go to bed. Yeah, I'm not getting it, you're gonna fail. And because I was trying to teach them a lesson that you need to get it on my schedule. If it's not on the calendar, it doesn't get done, stuff like that. And I didn't realize how hard I was being on them. Like, how unreasonable of me to think that a fourth grader would understand time blocking and time management.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah. And sometimes those, and you've probably learned this too, but sometimes those interruptions are like the most important part of our day, right? But when we're operating like that, there's no space for it. Um yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Yeah. So having a clear schedule and allowing, you know, the fluidity to happen. And I'll be honest, that fluid scared the heck out of me. Because that means like anything could happen. That means I didn't have control of my schedule. If I was flowing to what was happening around me, that meant in my brain, I was out of control. Like I didn't have a handle on my life. But in reality, did I really have a handle on my life? No, my life was controlling me, even though it I was like, oh well, I'm in control of my time blocking. In reality, all those time blocks were appointments with other people, other entities. So they were in fact controlling me and my time. I didn't figure it out yet until I had to clear my schedule and I was like, wow. And then started adding things that I wanted to have back in my life. I said no to a lot of um external things like church. I stepped down from church, stepped down from worship, um, or kids' church worship, Bible study, let everything go. And it was like, oh, I have an excuse because I'm sick, so yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna sabbatical, whatever, you know. But then I didn't want to go back. I didn't want to go back. And I I was okay with that. And I was finally okay with not producing. I was finally okay with living my life and just enjoying my family and making the important things important. Because I said I like my kids grew up the majority of their lives without a mother, you know? And now I'm here, and how much better is it for them that I'm here and I can be with them and and honestly, I was working so hard, you know, I did a lot of reflecting. I was working so hard to make enough money so that I could quit. Because I um I tried applying or looking for different jobs, but without a college degree, there was no way where I could make the same amount of money that I was making in oil and gas without a college degree. So I just felt stuck in my career and I felt like if I had if I worked hard, because it was very lucrative, if I worked hard enough and I had enough in my 401k, I could retire early and then once I'm retired, then you can live your life. I could relax.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Wow. Yes. I think what you said about like I was finally okay to stop producing. Wow. Right? Like and then when you get to that point, like I in in July of this last year, I caught myself again in kind of this, I think a little bit burnout, and I felt God telling me like something needs to shift. And I took the month of July, and this is good for people listening too, because I think it may not take like a leave of absence always, and it may not take you don't need to like leave your life for a year to like make these discoveries, but I took July to just strip away anything that wasn't absolutely necessary in my work, other than to just I wanted to keep my podcast going and I wanted to keep serving my clients well, and I let everything else go. And it was really uncomfortable, but it really like just like what you were saying, it showed me again where I was making work the idol and the most important thing, and it helped me to stretch into relaxing again, which I'm learning to enjoy, and it ends up giving back to every other part of your life, and it's so contrary to what we've been taught, and it really does take the hard work that you've been talking about, like these really hard things you have to look at and be willing to set down for the sake of something much bigger. But for people listening, it maybe it doesn't even take a month, right, to like set down everything, but to just be willing to start asking yourself some different questions that are gonna lead you on the path that you need to take, right? Or want to take or being led to take. Um, because it is possible to still love your work and be productive and have a life and teach our kids this, right? Model it for our children, something different.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And I realized, um, so my kids are about three and a half years apart. So when I was going through the health crisis, my son was in high school, my daughter was in middle school. And when I had shifted, I I I realized that my daughter actually grew up with a different mom. You know, I was way hard on my son because he was the eldest. I made him help me with chord, because the mom w mom has to work. So you need to learn how to do the laundry, you need to learn how to do the dishes and blah blah blah blah blah. And with my daughter, I wasn't as hard on her. And I kind of let her grow and expand and whatever. So now, um, even when she was going to college, we paid for her college because I had a savings account for her. And I made sure that she didn't overwork herself and she wasn't in burnout. I would see it on her because she was going to school full-time, had a part-time job, and she was studying to become vet tech. So veteran like vet medicine is pretty hard, you know, it's similar to like a nursing degree, right? And I was like, no, you're working too hard. Like, let me take some things off of your plate.
SPEAKER_01Like, I was there to help her to help catch the things that relieve the pressure.
SPEAKER_00And it had been, I I realized like, wow, this is so different than how I grew up. You know, my parents would have just said, well, suck it up. You chose to keep working, so it's your fault. You know, like you own it. And I kept saying, like, you don't have to work a second job. Or, you know, don't you don't have to work. Like, if you need money, I'll give you money. And she's like, No, I want my own money. So she she did make her own choice there. But I was offered to take it off of her hands and and just alleviate the stress from her life. Because I didn't want it to be, you know, a generational thing that I had passed down. Like, no, let's build something different. Because I don't want my kids walking down the same path that I had. And like they're, you know, I want to do whatever I can to give them the most life expectancy, you know, how to be happy in their lives without overachieving. Because I would say my son is more like a classic underachiever, my daughter is a classic overachiever, you know, and I would just say, okay, I I see what's happening, but here's here's why I'm concerned. You know, remember when mom was like this? Yeah. La la la la la. Like, see, it's okay. Like you can put things down. And she's like, oh, okay. And uh honestly, it was hard for her to receive the help a little bit because I had been so rigid, and it's like, oh, like, wait, you actually want to help me? Oh, okay. And I I honestly I did a 180. I don't know if I conveyed that really well in in this podcast, but the things that I had shifted, like I made a complete 180 was like being a workaholic to being okay with rest. And I made rest a priority, and I found a um a coach online and he said, Rest is success. So I even learned a new way how to work out. He would do hit exercises and he's and he was educating us about the body, and he said, You go hard and then you rest hard because that's how you build more stamina and more muscle. So his whole thing was rest is success. And when I was overworking, I was like, oh, trying to overachieve and like try to keep up and keep going. It's like, no, rest is success. I was like, wow, that's so profound in every area of life. I love that.
SPEAKER_02Even yeah, yeah, that's so beautiful, and it's so true, it's so true. And it like every time I rest, I have more to give in every other area of my life. And rest can look like being out in nature and taking a walk. It doesn't have to mean just sitting on your couch, right? Doing nothing. So tell us, Kylie, as we wrap up, how do you work with people today? And where can they find out about your podcast and all the things you're doing? Yeah. We could go on forever here.
SPEAKER_00We could. We could. So the the first thing that I do with my clients is have them understand their burnout archetype. Because there are four major personality types. In any personality quiz that you have online, there's usually four buckets of personality types. And in my world, there's the powerhouse archetype, which is what we talked about primarily on this podcast: the overachiever, the go-getter, and then there are three other archetypes, and you can learn about them and take your own quiz at burnoutarchetypequiz.com. And um there's different protocols for each of the four archetypes because there are two ones that are kind of the overachiever mentality, the powerhouse and the perfectionist. And so there's a different protocol of healing for those overachiever types. And then with the other two archetypes, which is the popular and the philanthropist, um, the philanthropist is more of an overgiver, a people pleaser. So um there's a different mindset shift that needs to happen for them. Um, and the popular archetype is more like a social butterfly where she enjoys being around people. And um, so just there's a different protocol for each personality type. And that's the the biggest thing that I learned. I learned all about the health coaching. I learned about the personality types when I was leading and managing in corporate. Um one, there's nothing new under the sun. So if you've taken like a disc or if you've taken a Myers Brig, MBTI, you'll when you take the archetype quiz, you'll see that some of the qualities that are in those other quizzes I brought into my quiz, but it's specifically the results that you get at the end are specifically geared to entrepreneurs who are experiencing burnout and how you can heal and recover from that. Because it's a different mindset. When you're working in corporate and an entrepreneurship, there's just a whole different mindset that goes along with that. And I would I want people to understand that it's not one size fits all. Like burnout is a journey, like the healing journey. It's it's a process. And there's a different protocol for different personality types because there is a different kind of mindset shift that needs to happen with each different archetype. And that's where we really start. That's where I start with my clients is having them understand their archetype and really like owning their archetype. And I call it owning your audacity, because sometimes like audacity is like, how dare you? How like how dare you leave the dishes out, you know, dirty overnight before going to bed? How dare you? So it it like that. Own your audac, yeah, that the audacity, like just own your audacity, own it. Like, like how dare you? Yes, yes, how dare I be myself and not like you, mom, or not like you, dad, or not like you, corporate boss, or whatever business coach is trying to tell me to do like this thing in my business when it doesn't work for who I am, doesn't work for my personality type. Um, and part of it was also my son had ADHD, and the things that the teachers were telling him in school obviously was not for his learning style.
SPEAKER_02And when you have the audacity to break some of these cycles.
SPEAKER_00Yes. Yeah. Yes, you have to have the audacity to break through and overcome those limiting beliefs or those mindsets that you've maintained all these years. You have to have the audacity to break through. And that's what I work with my clients in the program. Help them to build the confidence to become themselves and embrace who they are so that they can live their God-filled purpose and identity. Is if we're not living in our God-filled purpose, like really what are we doing? We're living somebody else's life.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_00And God created us with a specific purpose. We are a specific cog in the wheel of life, right? And if we're not fulfilling our purpose, then we're missing out on the fruits of that labor. Like we're we're if we're building someone else's thing and we're not doing our thing, like I was in oil and gas for 19 years. I say like I was in a 19-year wilderness journey where I was out there doing things, but at the same time, nothing. Because it it didn't fulfill me. It didn't fulfill my purpose of what I was called to be here to do. And now that um, you know, I embraced doing the podcast, I I resisted like Jonah going to Nineveh for a couple of years. It was like, oh, it's too hard. I don't want to do it. And then finally, when I embraced it, so many doors opened for me. Like building the burnout archetypes was something that God had showed me, and he gave me the time wheel, which is the base for the burnout archetypes. Um, anyways, in short, the time wheel is it's the acronym TIME, T-I-M-E. Time, T stands for Time, I for ideas, M for money, E for energy, and it's in the quadrant, and the different archetypes fit into those boxes. And if you go to time management principle.com, you can learn about the time wheel. But that's the first thing that he dropped in because people who say that they're burnt out, they all say, I don't have enough time. But the four quadrants of the time wheel actually are the four um drivers that lead people to burnout. The time is a philanthropist because they love quality time, they love spending time with people. And that leads to them um really over people pleasing. And when they're on their shadow side, they're like, oh, people are, you know, like I'm feeling abandoned right now. Like maybe I need to do more people pleasing so more people love me.
SPEAKER_02So it just has this sneaky um fulfillment.
SPEAKER_00It's so sneaky. Like, and each archetype has a shadow side, and when you fall prey to that shadow side, it's like you end up digging yourself more into the burnout hole because like, oh, I need to do more of what is actually burning me out. Yes, because that's where we feel comfortable, that's where we think it's gonna help us, but in reality, all you're doing is giving away your energy to um whether it's people or activities or whatever, whatever your driver is, you're giving away your energy to that, and you have nothing to fill your own cup up with. And right, we cannot pour from an empty cup. Yeah. If we're trying to achieve, like if you have nothing left in your cup, how are you gonna achieve anything? There's nothing left to give.
SPEAKER_02For for you guys listening and you're feeling like your cup is running low, you've got to check out what Kylie's doing. Um, the Burnt Out Entrepreneur podcast. What is your main website?
SPEAKER_00It's Kyliealta.com.
SPEAKER_02Awesome.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So if you want to go there, you can go Kyliealta.com slash podcast. That will take you to the main podcast page. You can listen to um the first episode on there is like what is burnout. And I go into more details about burnout and signs and symptoms. And then the next four episodes are the archetypes. So you can listen to all of those four episodes. They're less than 10 minutes a piece, and you can see you know which one is you know resonates with you. And then um if you don't want to take the quiz, but honestly, the quiz, it's it's really quick. You go there, it's like 25 questions, and you just pick which word of the four resonates with you, and you it's a quick hit. Like, uh, this one, this one, this one, this one. If you take too long to decide, like you want to go with your first gut reaction. I know my perfectionists are gonna be like, um, I don't know, I don't know which one to choose. I I I hear that. Go take the quiz.
SPEAKER_02Yes, go take the quiz, everybody. You can tell. Like, you're I I honor you and acknowledge you for taking you know the pain in your life and the your story and turning it into something that is helping and serving others. And I I thank you so much for your time today and being here and sharing and being so honest, honestly. Um, just really opening your heart to make a difference for other people. So I thank you for being here. We will put all the links in the show notes, everybody, so you can check out what she's doing. And yeah, just thank you for your time, Kylie.
SPEAKER_00Thank you for like be here and share with your audience today.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, have a great day, everybody. Hey, thanks for tuning into this episode of Differently. I hope it stirred your thinking, and I invite you to take one inspired action from something that stood out to you. If you want to hear more conversations like this, be sure to hit follow on your favorite podcast app. And if this episode could impact someone you know, please help us spread the word and pass it along. Remember, new episodes drop weekly. See you next week.