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Differently: Stop living by default. Start living by design.
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Differently: Stop living by default. Start living by design.
Take Back Your Time with Theresa Harp
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Today’s episode is a topic that is near and dear to your heart and mine. —- Time.
Time approached in a new way is your ultimate partner in creating the life you want. - Steven Griffith
My guest today, Theresa Harp is a certified speech-language pathologist and productivity coach for busy moms. She provides one-on-one coaching for busy women who are struggling to run a business and a household and still have time for themselves.
Get ready to learn:
- How to transform guilt
- The importance of a strong time mindset
- Time strategies for making space for you and the important parts of your life.
- And, more!
Enjoy!
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Email: theresa@theresaharp.com
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I'm Carla Reeves, and this is differently. Whether you feel stuck in survival, navigating a change, or seeking more for your life, may this podcast be your weekly nudge to take a risk, to build a life that is uniquely bold, authentic, and in alignment with your deepest values. After a decade of coaching individuals from corporate leaders to creative artists to multi-million dollar, I'm convinced we are far closer than we realized to what we deeply desire. It's a willingness to do differently that everything. Stephen Griffith says time approached in a new way is your ultimate partner and creating the life you want. Time. It's one of the most important things to us, and perhaps one that we feel most challenged by. Today's episode is all about aligning your mindset and strategy to make sure that you are regularly making time for all the important places in your life. My guest today, Teresa Harp, shares our passion around this subject so much that she has made it her life's work. Teresa Harp is a certified speech language pathologist and productivity coach for busy moms. She began growing interested in time management when she had four children in four years while growing her small business. She currently provides one-on-one coaching for busy women who are struggling to run a business and a household and still have time for themselves. Get ready to explore the guilt, the pressure, and all the feelings, overcoming the barriers, and adopting a mindset that will set you up to do differently. And her favorite strategies for making space in life for all the things. Kick back, relax, and enjoy this one. May it inspire you to think and do differently when it comes to your precious time. Hello, Teresa. Welcome to Differently.
SPEAKER_00Hi, Carla. Thank you so much for having me.
SPEAKER_01Well, finally we're here. Teresa and I have tried a few times to make this happen, but today it's actually happening. So, Teresa, time is one of my very favorite subjects because it's such an important uh currency in our life. And so I would love to hear what is the um kind of drive and passion behind your focus on time.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I love that you use the word currency because uh I mean that really resonates with me. And that's how I think of time. Um, I really believe that it is our most valuable resource, and sort of the way that I came to that sort of belief and conclusion was really after I started my family, I had I was a speech pathologist and had a private practice before I had kids. And then once I had them, I had four kids in four years, and so the family grew very quickly and there was a lot on my plate. Um, and that's when I really started to recognize that I needed to be really intentional with my time because I was constantly feeling that divide between work and and home and family. And I was watching my kids, you know, grow up right in front of my eyes. And it was always just it was it was just astounding, really, to see that right in front of me. And that's when I really recognized how precious time is, how valuable it is, and it really changed the way that I thought about it and the way that I spent it.
SPEAKER_01How old are your kids?
SPEAKER_00They are now I have seven-year-old twins, uh, five-year-old and a three-year-old.
SPEAKER_01Kids are such a, I think, such a um a wake-up call to to time, right? And to how we spend it. And I know for um myself when my kids were little, and I know for my clients that often they say like they feel guilty no matter what, right? They're they feel guilty if they're working. Oh my god. And they feel guilty if they're with their, you know, they feel guilty if they're working because they're not with their family, and they're when they're with their family or kids, they feel guilty because they're not working. Have you struggled with this? And how do you support people around this?
SPEAKER_00Yes, I definitely have struggled with this. I still struggle with this, and I think once I got on board with the understanding that that guilt will always creep in in some context at some level, and it might look differently for every person, but I think we all experience it, and to expect that it will never be there is just unrealistic. So a couple of things that have helped me. One is is is just accepting that it's gonna be there, recognizing it, and instead of trying to push it away, just sort of, you know, acknowledge it, like, okay, I understand. Like I'm I'm feeling guilty. That's okay. That can, you know, that can be here along for the ride, but I'm still going to move forward doing what it is that I've intended to do and not making that a problem. And just just, you know, knowing that that's part of the process, that's part of being a mom, that's part of being a business owner. So that has been really helpful for me. Um, of course, I wish that I could say I figured it out and I never feel guilty. Um, but just that awareness of it and the acceptance of it and the acknowledgement of it, all three of those things really helped to lessen the load, I would say, in terms of those feelings of guilt. And the other piece that has helped me is being very intentional with how I'm spending my time and planning that out at the beginning of the week or at the end of the week prior. It really doesn't matter when, just at some point sitting down and putting on paper or in my digital planner what my what my intentions are for my time. And that way I have then this feeling that when I sit down and do what I'm meant to do, I can say to myself, okay, this is exactly what I planned on. This is exactly what uh what I had intended. And so I'm not doing anything wrong. I'm not um, you know, not I'm not breaking any promises or anything like that because I know that I'm exactly where I'm meant to be in that moment. And I know that I've budgeted time for each of those important areas in my life, business, and family.
SPEAKER_01I love your response to that. Um you know, guilt for me as a young mom, I noticed it too. It was like it was there, but I started to discover it was like a, you know, it could be a messenger, right? Instead of um, you know, just resisting it and having it just make me feel terrible. I started just looking at it right in the eyes and and look. And sometimes it would be a little reminder, like maybe you do need to carve out some time to be with the kids, or maybe there is um a project that I have been avoiding that I've been putting off and I need to address that. But most of the time, like 90% of the time, it's just that old habitual voice that was just like making me feel terrible. And so I also love that you said, you know, around setting intentions, and I want to come back to that, but that when you're intentional about your time and and about the big rocks in your life, and you're kind of have touch points, you know, on your list where you're touching those, all those important areas of your life, then you can kind of settle in and feel a lot better. Like that is just noise in my head, and I don't need to listen to that right now.
SPEAKER_00Yes, I completely agree. And I love what you said about, you know, guilt, maybe those feelings of guilt, maybe being a messenger and looking at like what's coming up. And I will say, you know, I have experienced maybe you can relate, sort of different levels of guilt or different types of guilt. And it's sometimes it's hard to explain in words, but it feels a little bit different. Um, and I'm thinking of just very recently, so my husband is deployed, he's he's left in February and he's gone for the year. And so I'm single parenting, I have a lot of help, thank God. Um, and I've noticed that since he left, the guilt is stronger and it and it creeps up in different ways. And I was getting really curious about that. Like what it what is what's happening here? Because this feels different. And I when I really kind of stopped and paused and thought about it, what I realized was happening was it was because you know, for the first time in a in a while, the kids were being they're they were being cared for by not my husband and not me while I was working. It was somebody else, and it was people that they weren't familiar with yet. And so they had they were missing my husband, that was a loss, and now they I wasn't there for them either. So my my brain was making that mean that, you know, I was failing them and I wasn't stepping up and showing up when they really needed me. And instead of just ignoring that, what I did was just kind of check in and recognize it and then say, okay, what can I do about this? Um, and so that meant, like you said, I just had to sort of what I did was reshift things so that I could spend more quality time with them, maybe just at different points of the day, or it would look in different ways, you know, doing different activities, smaller activities, or just more of those meaningful moments and making sure that we were getting those. And and once I had that recognition and started putting that, putting that into play and making sure that it was happening, it really helped to alleviate some of those negative feelings.
SPEAKER_01So beautiful. For the listener, like I just want to capture what you just said because I think so often we feel like we need to make these monumental changes to elevate the quality of our lives or to have more time or to have more balance in our life. And what you just said is so brilliant because it really it really lives in those little moments where you make you can make tiny adjustments in your day to start to feel like you have more balance or that you're you know touching on those other important areas of your life. It doesn't have to be those big swooping changes like our mind often tells us. I also want to, is your what branch of the military is your husband in?
SPEAKER_00He's army.
SPEAKER_01Okay. Well, I just wanted to take a moment to thank him and thank you because I have our oldest son went into the Navy um three years ago, and I had no idea. I mean, I always knew there was a sacrifice and there was a sacrifice for families, but I have a firsthand experience now of what that actually looks and feels like, and I just want to acknowledge you for the sacrifice that you and your family make it because it's a really big deal.
SPEAKER_00No, well, thank you. And likewise, same to you. It is, it is a um, it's a small, small club, it's a it's a very interesting experience, and we always appreciate the support.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_01So Teresa, how much does mindset play for you when it comes to time?
SPEAKER_00Oh, I mean, it's the biggest factor when it comes to time. So with my clients, I um I was noticing as a time management coach, I we used to focus a lot very heavily on time management strategies, ways that you can use your time more wisely and um more efficiently, and really looked at, you know, different different strategies to incorporate both in the home and in the business, so that we could free up time and find little pockets that maybe weren't being utilized or weren't being utilized in a way that was in alignment with their values and and needs. But um, what I was noticing was that really only got my clients part of the way. And what would happen was they would try to implement the strategies and and really do a great job in the attempt. But when when it came to the execution, a lot of times what would come up was these inner thoughts, these inner beliefs about, you know, the value of the activities or the their worthiness of their time, and these little like, you know, limiting beliefs that would stand in the way. I'll give you an example. Um, you know, one client I had was really focusing on her health and wellness, and she really wanted to make time to get in her 15-minute walks every day. So we we were coaching on that, and we came up with talked about all these different strategies of things she could do to to build in more time and to carve out more time. And she set out for the week and she was, you know, all excited and it was great. We were like really, really pumped. And then she came back the next week and she said, Yeah, it really didn't happen. And when we explored what went wrong, you know, what came up for her was when the time came for her to go and take that walk, all she could think about was all the other things that she hadn't done or who needed her more. My kids needed me, my husband needed this, you know, my I didn't get this done in my business. And so her brain told her that she had to go do those things, that those things were more important. So, even with the best of strategies, the mindset is where the long-lasting change is gonna come into play.
SPEAKER_01Oh, it's um music to my ears. Um, because it it's so true. I mean, I find that with my clients too, that often we're addressing, you know, often we're addressing, you know, people want to change their actions, but if you don't examine the thinking that's driving and underneath the actions, it's really hard to create sustainable change. So I love and respect that you are doing that with your clients because it's vital.
SPEAKER_00Absolutely, absolutely. It govern all those thoughts, they govern the actions that we take. And so we really have to look at our what like I mentioned earlier, our needs, our values, our self-worth, and step into that belief that we as women, we as mothers, we are worthy of our time. And it is perfectly okay. In fact, it's necessary to spend it on the things that fill us up.
SPEAKER_01What do you see as the biggest barriers that kind of show up again and again? Like in the example you talked about, you know, it sounds like somebody potentially who is always putting others' needs before their own, right? And I see that all the time too. What is is that the greatest barrier that you see for women and moms, or are there others that show up consistently?
SPEAKER_00I would say that's a huge one is is putting others first, putting others' needs above our own. And I think that is sort of perpetuated by social media, by society, by gender roles, all sorts of things. I do think it's getting better. I think the culture is starting to change, at least I'm seeing changes. Um, but I do think that that is something that's sort of been ingrained into us. And I I've heard women say, you know, well, this is what I signed up for. Like I'm a mom. This, I don't have this luxury. I don't have the, you know, oh, that must be nice that you get to go do that. You get to go on vacation or you get to go sleep in and all those sort of things, right? That our brain, those, those negative thoughts that our brain offers. And then we adopt those into beliefs. So I think that is a probably one of the most frequent flyers, if not the most frequent flyer, when it comes to those, those barriers. I also think another huge barrier for us is the belief that the more you get done, the more valuable you are as a person. We have this belief that productivity equals value. And trying to break that connection is really important. Um, and third, I think it's that we're overscheduled. We just fill, we think that busy is a badge of honor, right? So we fill our schedules with so many things that not only drain our time, but they drain our energy as well. And it leaves very little left to give for ourselves, you know, let alone everybody else. So I would say those are probably the three most common barriers that we as women and mothers face.
SPEAKER_01I see the same show up again and again. So for someone listening who feels like their identity is collapsed with this productivity, achievement, busyness, is there something that you recommend that they could begin to do on their own that it could be helpful?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I have what I have my clients do, one of the things is a values and needs exercise, which I'm happy to share with your audience because what it does is it really gives us an opportunity to sit back and just for five or 10 minutes really reflect on what are the things that are most important. And doing that exercise helps us to, it reminds us of the things that are most valuable and necessary for us. And you know, it's not life is not this rat race, right? So we want to look back, like when you when you are later on in your life, you want to look back and you wanna remember, and you're going to remember the meaningful exchanges, right? You're gonna remember the little moments, the relationships. You're not gonna remember how many boxes did I check off on my to-do list, and you know, how much did I accomplish in a crazy busy day, right? Those aren't the things that matter. So I think really kind of having this come to Jesus moment and checking in with yourself about what is most important is a great way to start.
SPEAKER_01Everybody can go back to episode take new inventories, but you I just did an episode, Teresa, on um taking new inventories, and it's an exercise that I often will do with clients that is really just what you described. It's I'll ask them like to just share the last three to five standout moments from the past two, three days. And these are high achieving, productive, achievement-oriented women. And every single time, the moments that show up on that list are never the per productivity-related items, they're not money-related items, they're not um huge milestones in their business, they're always simple, tiny moments, you know, with their kids or with their spouse or out in nature, or I mean the simplest of moments. And it's so true. Like we just have to build more of those into our day, and then our life starts to feel more balanced.
SPEAKER_00It sure does. And, you know, that just kind of comes back to what we were talking about earlier, right? With, you know, you can lower the standard. It doesn't have to be these huge elaborate activities that we do with our spouse, our partner, our kids. It is those little moments, and that's doable, that is manageable as busy women, as busy moms. Um, and so finding those little moments and recognizing them and even building them in into like finding ways to build them in and keeping it very simple. I know for me, it's the things like stomping in the puddles with my kids on the way from the car to this the front door of school, or stopping and looking at the worms when we're walking outside, or you know, before my girls go out on the little crossfield doing like a little secret handshake that we have. Those are the things that matter most to kids. That's what they remember. That's that connection. And Anybody can build those in, no matter how busy you are.
SPEAKER_01It's so true. And if you're feeling like you have those quality moments with your kids, then when you're spending time on your business, there's not all that guilt. Because a lot of times I think I when I when my kids were young, I used to think it needed to be this quantity of time, but it's really this quality of time that you can elevate and it just ripples all over your household.
SPEAKER_00Yes, it's so true. It does. It bleeds into every other area, and then you feel more fulfilled, they feel more fulfilled, it improves the relationship, and then you know, okay, like you said, I can go focus on my business because I've already filled up my other bucket. I filled up the bucket with family. Now it's time for me to get to work.
SPEAKER_01Love that. So, how about a couple of your favorite time strategies for building more of this into your day and life and work?
SPEAKER_00Sure. So one strategy that I swear by, it's nothing, you know, fancy or elaborate, but it it is so helpful for me and it's been so helpful for my clients is that planning time and really looking at at the start of the week, whenever makes sense for you, what are my intentions for this week? And I like to think of things in terms of buckets. So I think about my business bucket, my household bucket, you know, the things that I have to do to run a household, and my family bucket, and my personal bucket. And so I look at each of those and I figure out what are the things we're focusing on, and then I schedule them. And it's not set in stone, it never goes according to plan 100%, and that's okay. But by having that stuff on the calendar and seeing it there, that holds me accountable and it reminds me of the things that I intended to do, and it helps me make the most of my time. So that planning is so, so important, and that can look very different for each person. And I always suggest to my clients do it in a way that works for you. The other thing that I that I really encourage clients to do is to what I call, I mean, it's it's probably what you might call or other people might call batching, but really looking at the things that are in those buckets that I mentioned, the tasks that you want to get done and figuring out, okay, what are the things that I can do together to save time? So when I'm making lunches for school, I think that is my least favorite, my least favorite chore as a mom, that and making dinners. I will I'll make eight at a time. Usually I'll crank out four and then I'll crank out the other four. I'll just do them in one sitting because I hate doing it, but I only then have to do it one at a time, you know, one day at a time. And um, everything's already out. I already got all the materials out, all the supplies out, and so I can get through it faster and then it's done. Or if I'm going out and running errands, I try and batch those together. Phone calls to doctors or whoever needs to get a phone call, I try and group those together. That way I'm in that zone, I'm in that sort of mindset, in that frame of frame of minds, and I can just kind of crank them out quickly. And the third strategy that I would offer is to ask yourself, how long do these tasks take? I think one of the one of the simplest, but not necessarily the easiest strategies that I see is really getting clear on the amount of time that you have available to get something done versus the amount of time that you need to get it done. And when I make a to-do list, I'll just kind of put right next to each task about how long it's gonna take. So on a post-it, if I sit down for work, I'm like, okay, write, write emails, uh, craft a blog post and uh record an episode, record a podcast episode. And I'll put right next to it how long I think it's going to take, and then look at the amount of time that I have that day. And I can't tell you how often in the beginning I discovered I had less time than I needed, or I was taking more time than I had. So just kind of doing the math and thinking of it as a budget can be really helpful as well.
SPEAKER_01I love all of those ideas, and I love the last idea so much because myself, I think I do need to actually time some of these activities because for the reason exactly what you're saying is that often I think a show notes or a blog post is gonna take me like 10 minutes and it ends up taking me an hour, or vice versa. I think a project is gonna take me four hours and I literally set it down and have focused time and I'm done in 20 minutes. And so I think that's really, really great advice. So, Teresa, tell us how people, how do you work with clients? Um, what does that look like for people listening?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so I have a couple of different ways that I work with clients. Um, the the first way, one way is I do one-on-one coaching, um, individual sessions for 12 weeks, and we look at what are your needs and values, like I mentioned earlier, where are you spending your time? We kind of do a basic time audit, and then we we decide what do you want to be spending your time on, and we look at where we can make changes and how we're gonna make them. So that's a 12-week, 12-week coaching plan that I offer. And for women who feel like they can't commit to an hour a week, I always say, well, then you're probably the ones who need it the most, but that's okay. I offer um coaching on a monthly package via Voxer, and that is available for women who sort of just need to check in with a voice app, and we we um they need a little pep talk, they need a little troubleshooting, and um that's available unlimited per month. And then the last offer that I have is for someone who's looking to really revamp their schedule. They want to take a look at their calendar, figure out what changes they can make, how they can restructure things to make the most of their time. And that is something I offer in a two-hour um scheduling intensive.
SPEAKER_01Amazing. What are you most excited about or inspired about um in your life and business today?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, oh, I love this question. So uh in in life, I've got two things that come to mind. We've got summer on the horizon with the kids. So I'm really looking forward to, you know, some time at the beach, being at the pool, swimming with the kids, just really getting out and and spending some time together. And I'm also looking forward to a business retreat that I am planning to go on, which is out of state in August. And that's just gonna be a much needed reprieve from the craziness of parenting during a deployment and and just giving myself that time for myself and to think about my business. Um, so I guess that kind of hits both. That that that business retreat sort of hits both aspects, life and and business. But I've also got a relaunch happening for my podcast. So that's relaunching on Tuesday, June 27th. I haven't released the name yet, but I'm really, really excited to get back out there and uh release my new episodes and start producing more content for busy women who own businesses.
SPEAKER_01Beautiful. And we will make sure to have your website in the show notes so that um this may air before your web, your uh new rebrand of your podcast, but they'll be able to find you and uh follow that relaunch. So I'm excited about that too. Teresa, last question: what does differently mean to you?
SPEAKER_00Differently to me means forgetting about what everybody else says or does, or what you think everybody else is saying or doing, and getting really in tune with what matters to you and doing that. That to me is differently.
SPEAKER_01Amazing. What a joy to talk to you. I could talk time all day with you. Um, for everybody listening, take some of these gems that Teresa has shared and just practice putting one of them into your day today. Uh Teresa, thank you so much for your time and your wisdom, and um just really grateful that we got to have this conversation.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, thank you for having me on, Carla. I know it was a long road getting here. I'm happy we did, and I I loved this conversation. So thank you so much.
SPEAKER_01Hey, thanks for tuning in to this episode of Differently. I hope it stirred your thinking and I invite you to take one inspired action from something that's got if you want to hear more conversations like this, follow on your Facebook.