Differently
Simple, yet powerful ideas for building a life, differently. Hosted by Carla Reeves, creator of The Differently Coaching Experience, this podcast offers thought-provoking conversations and practical insights for anyone looking to get out of survival mode and build a life that is truly your own. From the highs and lows of love and relationships, to the challenges and opportunities of work and career, Differently will challenge you to to rethink what’s possible.
Differently
Client Spotlight with Diana Bresnan (Encore Episode)
Diana Bresnan's journey from overwhelmed HR executive to someone who finds joy in watching sunsets offers a powerful lesson about not postponing happiness until "someday." What began with a chance meeting at a health fair led to a profound realization - Diana noticed she said the word "responsibility" over and over again in a forty-minute conversation, revealing the weight she carried daily.
Like many high-achievers, Diana had fallen into the trap of putting her life on hold until retirement. "If I can just get through this, then I'll really start living," she thought. But through her work with Carla, she discovered that if she couldn't create fulfillment in her current circumstances, retirement wouldn't magically provide it either. The skills of presence, intentionality, and balance needed to be practiced now.
Diana shares practical strategies that transformed her approach to work and life, including writing down thoughts to clear mental space, learning to say no, and prioritizing what truly matters each day. These simple yet powerful techniques helped her create more joy without sacrificing her professional performance - in fact, she found the balance actually made her a more effective leader.
The most beautiful part of Diana's story comes in her successful transition to retirement, where she easily "turned off work like a light switch" and embraced a new chapter filled with reading, nature, and presence. Now when faced with new obligations that threaten to overwhelm, she recognizes the pattern and chooses differently.
This conversation offers hope for anyone feeling trapped by responsibility or postponing joy until some future date. Diana's experience proves that by addressing our mindset and making intentional choices now, we can create fulfillment exactly where we are - making any future "someday" simply a bonus to an already beautiful life.
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Thank you for listening!
I'm Carla Reeves, and this is Differently. Whether you feel stuck in survival, navigating a change, or seeking more for your life, may this podcast be your weekly nudge to take a risk to build a life that is uniquely bold, authentic and in alignment with your deepest values. What if you worried less about the bumps in the road and instead got equipped for the journey? Get ready to rethink what's possible In 2017,. I was standing at a table at a local health fair for a large company here in the valley and a beautiful, kind woman walked up to the table and began engaging with me and encouraged someone that she knew to sign up for a complimentary call to find out more about my services. And little did I know that that beautiful, kind woman was the chief human resources officer. He ended up becoming a client and later she checked it out for herself, and you're about to hear about that in just a moment.
Speaker 1:Having this conversation with Diana was just such a reminder today for me that don't put your life off until someday. Do the work to create more joy, more peace, whatever it is that you desire right here where you are, because when someday comes, if it comes, it will then be the bonus on an already intentional, beautiful life you've made right where you are. I'm so excited for you to meet Diana Bresnan. I know you're going to enjoy this conversation. Hi, diana, welcome to Differently.
Speaker 1:Oh, good morning, thank you for having me. I'm so excited and honored, honestly, that you're here. I don't know if you know this, but you really were somebody that came into my life and my business pretty early on. I mean, I had been in business for quite a few years, but my business was all online at that time. Well, it always has been online, but I didn't really have a local business of any kind, and because I had got my certification through a company in Canada and we coached people through them and most of my clients were on the East Coast, and so that's how my business started, and you were really one of the first people locally that I met that really opened a door for my business here, and I have just forever deep gratitude for that. So thank you for that.
Speaker 2:Oh, it's been wonderful, just kind of getting to know your processes and seeing how many different people that I know that you've been able to touch in a positive way, so that's been really fun for me too.
Speaker 1:I love that. So when we were talking about you coming on the podcast, we were, you know, really talking about you just coming on and really just sharing your story and that your story will have relevance for people and that your journey and some of the things you went through I know we're going to touch people that are listening, and so let's just let's start there, If you want to share a little bit about, kind of who you are and where you are today, and and then we'll, yeah, just dive into your story.
Speaker 2:Okay, I might. I might kind of start at the beginning, because I think that makes sense. I met you. I met you at a health fair that we organized when I was working at early warning services and I was just walking through the health fair, participating, and and there you were talking to folks about what you do in terms of, you know, life coaching and mindset shifting and things, and I had talked to one of my team members and said, you know, you should really test this out. And we kind of sort of joked a little bit about it. But I thought, you know, someone should test this. So he did, and he came back with such positive feedback and I thought, ok, so if we're going to really recommend this, I should probably check it out myself. I don't need it, like I don't, I don't need life coaching, I'm good, um, but I thought I should, at least I should at least check it out.
Speaker 2:So I scheduled an intro call with you and I'll never forget, I was really honest up front and said so, I'm, I want to do this, but I don't really need the coaching. So I don't want you to feel like I'm wasting your time and, uh, you're like, oh, no problem, you were so sweet and so welcoming and, uh, so we did this 30, 30 or 40 minute intro call to just chat about things and at the end of the call it it hit me like a ton of bricks. I remember saying I said the word responsibility 40 times in 40 minutes. I think I need you. So I think my entire, my entire mind shifted based upon that phone call.
Speaker 2:And me just. You didn't even have to tell me I needed it, it just surfaced through our conversation, surfaced through our conversation. So I think even even people who have done lots of coaching and participated in that for years and are seasoned leaders and feel like they have their whole life together can can find such a big lift by opening, opening up to this. Um, so it was, it was huge for me. Um, so that's kind of how we started. Do you remember that?
Speaker 1:I totally remember that, because I remember you came on and you were just like oh yeah, I'm good, I'm good, I don't need this. And then there was just a moment of like ah, like, just it was a blind spot, like something you hadn't seen. And sometimes we can't see, even if we have gone through a lot of this work myself included. You know we go through a lot of this work and we do a lot of training and have a lot of awareness in our life, but there there are things that we just can't see. And that conversation opened up something for you and that really was a big theme in our work together was responsibility.
Speaker 2:It was, and, and I think if you're self-reflective and you kind of help bring this out through some of the exercises that you did with me, but you really push yourself to think about where does this come from? Right, and part of it comes from, I believe, my parents and the values that they instilled in me. And my dad was huge on responsibility and that's a great thing, but I think any strength, when overused, turns in, you know, to a, to a challenge, right, and my mom's, her, her big value was generosity. So if you pair responsibility and generosity, I was like, oh my gosh, I'm like destined for, you know, pushing myself pretty hard, right, um, excuse me. So I think it was helpful to at least acknowledge that Um. So through the discussions that you and I had, it was really helpful for me.
Speaker 2:You know I had a big job, you know. You know head of HR for for really innovative, growing company, and you know it wasn't like you were just on maintenance mode, right, you were constantly innovating and growing and doing new things. So you're pushing yourself and being a single mom for lots of years and you know having high expectations of myself and then coming into a new relationship and blending a family and all of these things getting together. And I remember talking to you and feeling slightly guilty because early warning was actually paying for this engagement. Right For me to test this out and get some coaching. And I'm thinking, carla, I need you to help me quit my job. And I remember talking to you about that and you, you were awesome because you said, if you quit your job, that is not going to solve the things that are going on in your head and how you think and how you behave. And so, yes, you may quit your job, that is not going to solve the things that are going on in your head and how you think and how you behave. And so, yes, you may quit your job and think that that solves it, but you're going to run into those same challenges over and over again, no matter where you're at in your life. So you need to address those first.
Speaker 2:And it was such good coaching and I didn't believe you when you told me I really didn't. I thought there's no way I can do all this. There's no way, um. But you helped me see that those responsibilities are really self-driven, um. You can lever your thinking and lever what you think you must do versus what you think is really most important for you to do. And I remember you telling me. You know, every day when you get up, think about the end of the day and at the end of the day can you say you did the things that were most important? Will they make a difference? Will they make you feel fulfilled at the end of the day? And I still use that today to think about what do I really want to do, what do I need to do and what's going to make my life feel fulfilled. So that's really carried with me for a long time.
Speaker 1:I remember, what I remember when you started was that you were, you were so committed to what you were up to at early warning and you were torn by, you know, these other poles of, I think, your mom and your new relationship and your family. And I remember and I don't know if you remember this, but I remember you thinking that I just got it, I just have to get to retirement and then, and then I'll take care of my life and then I'll have these quality relationships and then I'm really going to live. And I just saw you putting your life off until the future and I just wasn't okay with that. Do you remember that? I do.
Speaker 2:I do, and that was such good, it's such good guidance. But I think we all do it. We have these milestones where we think if I could just get through this, you know, if I could just do this, um. But but I do think the reality is that we can have more than we think right Without um, without sacrificing the things that are most important to us. So, you know, I still think about it today in terms of priorities, like what, what should I do and what could I do, um, and and be deliberate about your decisions, um, and I, and I think it's it's just been helpful. And you know, I did retire right, but it wasn't for a couple of years after you and I, um chatted. It might've been three years after we chatted Right. So, and and I enjoyed that part of my life the last couple of years that I was working, I did enjoy it. It was still a lot of work and it was still a lot of pressure, um, but I did have greater happiness, greater fulfillment, felt like I. You know, instead of feeling like I'm doing everything halfway, I felt like I was really doing what I needed to do really well and feeling good about it and maybe saying no to some things. Um, so I.
Speaker 2:So I retired, and everyone I know, who knows, everyone, who knows me, who worked with me, my friends, my family, everyone kept asking me what are you going to do, like, what are you going to do when you retire? And I and I I was almost slightly offended by it, thinking I have tons of hobbies, like don't you know this about me? Of course I'm going to have, I'm going to fill my days with all the fun things that I've been looking forward to doing and having more time for. And when I retired, I turned it off like a light switch and I I didn't think about work. I didn't miss it. And for the first year I let, I went back and looked. I read 35 books my first year and I loved it and I could sit on my lanai for hours at a time just watching the ocean and feeling like I don't have to do anything and feel and I'm going to feel good about it and it was awesome.
Speaker 1:I love that. I want to go back to this idea of like putting our life off, because I think it is. It's something really hopeful illusion that you're going to have the life that you want out there in the future, and I think it's, if you don't know how to create fulfillment in your life right where you are, that it's it's unlikely that you'll know how to do it at that future moment. And so if you can learn to create it and cultivate it right where you are, then then when you get to that future destination, then it's just a bonus. You know, you just it's. You know, just like retirement, because we will, we will carry those patterns forward with us if we don't figure out how to work with them right now.
Speaker 1:So I would love for you to share some of the things, because I remember there was like an inner conflict, because I think in your mind you saw like if I were to change anything in the way I'm doing, that I'm going to like drop the ball or I'm not going to leave the legacy I'm committed to leaving at work and together we kind of worked with how can you leave the legacy that you want to leave and start to create more balance and peace in your life now, like that's actually going to make you a better leader instead of you know what you thought was that it was going to, you know, diminish what you were doing at work. So share a little bit about that.
Speaker 2:Sure, and it's so true. You know you're used to running so hard and so fast and and expecting so much of yourself, and to even think about dialing it back a little bit feels bad, right, because you feel like you should be doing more, but the reality is you could work a month straight with with with no time off, and you would still not get everything done right. There's always more to do, and so I just think, kind of wrapping your head around how do I, how do I determine what my priorities are, what do I need to accomplish and how do I manage that in my day-to-day life and and, and realizing that the personal side of things is just as important as everything else that you do. Right, putting yourself first sometimes, um is is huge, and it was important to me to to go home for dinner several nights a week and really have a quality you know, quality evening. Um, and not feel like I was thinking about work and one of the things that you taught me. I remember you coming into.
Speaker 2:We did a group, uh, a group workshop, and the first thing you told everyone was okay, get a piece of paper out and write down what's on your mind right now. Just write it down. Write down what you're thinking, write down. You know things that you're thinking about that you need to do, whatever that is. And then, after we did that, you said, okay, now you can be present because you've taken all of that that you're thinking about right now that you know you have to do that's weighing on you and your brain's not shutting off, and you've put it somewhere that it will be there at the end of this workshop. So for the next hour, guess what you get to let that go and be present. And I still try to do that today, right, if I'm having trouble sleeping because I'm thinking about something that's going on, or if I'm going to bed with something on my mind, I'll take a moment and just write it down, and then it helps me relax the brain and be present and know that tomorrow it's going to be there.
Speaker 2:Um, so that was one of those strategies that I think I still use today, um, and it's been really, really helpful, and I and I started to learn that, you know. So I want to be on a school board and that's important to me, but guess what? I no longer feel like I have to chair the committee. I don't have to. You know I don't have to volunteer. The moment something comes up, I can lever things and still feel like I'm getting what I want and by helping you know students and the educators, but I don't have to let it overwhelm me, and that's a hard thing to learn is to dial that volunteerism back and you know the all the things that you want to do and know that you could do, but it might not be the best choice.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, I think it's. I mean, what I hear you saying is kind of like stopping that, that default reaction in our life of, especially if you have the responsibility and generosity genes, you know from the past that you know that was how you did life for a long time and so those, those are going to still kick in and but the beautiful thing is that you can sit back and go recognize that and then really choose for your life. Now you know what makes sense and what doesn't make sense and I think that you actually are able to probably serve in a greater way when you, when you do that, are able to probably serve in a greater way when you, when you do that, when you make an intentional choice. That fits?
Speaker 2:I think so, and you know it doesn't. It doesn't come without setbacks. You know I've I've been. I was retired for a year and the timing couldn't have been better. Right before COVID hit. It was like six days before the world shut down and and I had just retired. So I felt slightly guilty about that as well, like I just got out of this and someone else is going to have to really manage all of this.
Speaker 2:Um, but a year after I retired, my former CEO reached out and asked me if I would get involved in a consulting opportunity and I thought I committed to myself that for a year I wouldn't think about a thing I would just enjoy, would not do anything, and it was like a year and six days of my retirement that he called. So I ended up engaging in some consulting and and it's been fun and interesting. But I also volunteered to be on the board of my HOA and then was elected president Also volunteered to be on the board of my HOA and then was elected president. So all of a sudden I'm feeling a little bit more like wait a second, this is kind of deja vu. I need to make sure that I'm applying some of these things and figuring out how this doesn't overwhelm me to where I feel like I don't have quality of life anymore. So it is I guess it's a lifelong opportunity to keep thinking about your mind shift right.
Speaker 1:It's, it is, it's a, it's a practice. I mean it's it's. You know, my, my hope is that you know in our work together that I, and when I work with clients, is that you get tools that you can reapply and reapply and reapply. Because I think it is especially somebody like you who was such a high achiever and did so much in your working life, like the, the, the pull to fill that plate again I'm sure is pretty strong and I love that you're. You filled it a little bit and you're like wait a minute, what am I doing? And let's reassess and reevaluate and make some different choices.
Speaker 1:And I'm really curious because of I don't know your story of how you got to where you did in your career, but being somebody that's so ambitious and was so successful in your career, like, and then to reach retirement, like what I mean, it sounds like you really leaned back into that retirement very with a lot of ease. But what, what is what? Have you struggled with, you know, mentally, in making that shift? Or was it a struggle? The way you described it? It doesn't sound like it was much and maybe it's appearing now.
Speaker 2:You know this might be too. I don't know if this is too personal or not, but I'll share it anyway because I think it was a huge driver for me. I was a single mom and divorced for 18 years before I met my current husband a few years ago years before I met my current husband a few years ago. Um, but I had always told myself, if I meet the right person, I am not going to allow these other factors to get in the way of that I'm, I'm going to embrace it and go with it. And I met the right person and he's awesome and and it just it just worked at a perfect time in my life. And so I think in my head I knew that someday right, that was my goal was to really embrace life and do it with someone that I could enjoy that with.
Speaker 2:And so when retirement time finally happened, I think I was so ready for that because I'd been working to that, not that I was looking for someone my whole life, but when it did happen, it was just this perfect, perfect storm of finally letting go of everything and I really didn't look back at all. I didn't look back at all. And the consulting opportunity you know, they'd love to let this go on forever and turn into something regular, and I've been. Really. I've had no problem saying no to that Right. This is temporary and my real gig is getting back to this amazing you know retirement with someone who's awesome and we're just going to it just wasn't hard. It wasn't hard to let go at all and I think that surprised a lot of people.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Did it surprise you no it didn't.
Speaker 2:No, it didn't. I, I knew for a year. I knew for a year I would very easily say no to everything, right, um, and I wasn't ever going to go look for anything new. This just sort of popped up, but it really didn't surprise me, because when people would ask me that question about what am I going to do, I had so many things that I thought about. I thought I can't wait to read books and play golf and go volunteer at the school and work out every day. And you know, now, one of my greatest joys is getting home in time for sunset and just watching the sun go down. I mean, it's just like one of those when you ask me what's most important every day, that's one of those things. Right, getting home and enjoying that, it's one of the things that we like doing most. So it doesn't surprise me that it was easy to flip the switch, um, and I don't, and I don't think it'll be hard to flip the switch again once this current gig is over.
Speaker 1:I love that. I think that you're reminding me that I'm learning to add more relaxation and more play and more joy in my life and for me it's a muscle I have to learn to use and when I do like there's so much there, like being such a doer. It has not been easy, but the more I lean into that and the more I push myself to be in the uncomfortable space of not like not actively doing something, I'm just amazed more and more and more of the, the peace and the joy and the beauty and just the tiny little moments of the day.
Speaker 2:I so agree. I mean, you just take in a moment to just notice things. I have a cousin who had sent me a note one day and she said you know, I learned so much from my kids and she had a maybe a three-year-old at the time and her three-year-old was laying on the ground on a blanket. They were having the picnic out at the park and she's just talking to her mom about mom, look at all the clouds going by, and just talking about the wonder of this simple little thing that we see every single day, but we don't stop to actually think about it at all. Right, it's just there, but we don't pay attention. And it really jolted her back into thinking about things that are important and actually being in the moment and noticing things and appreciating them, and that's one of those examples that also sticks with me for a long time. So now when I'm out in nature and I'm actually paying attention to all the sounds and sights and things around me, I'm just present. And being present is such a huge thing for me in terms of of quality of life and feeling good about things. Is that you're actually paying attention.
Speaker 2:Um, I remember once talking to a, a, a coach. Um, we were talking about kids and parenting and and I said something about, well, I didn't know, and the coach said you should have known, you should have been paying attention. And I felt, I felt a little bit off at that. I was like, really Like, how do you know? He was right, right, but it took someone actually throwing that at me, to say you are not present, or you would have known, you wouldn't have forgotten, right. And I just think, um, it, just like you said, it's muscle memory sometimes, um, to try to try to make sure and remind yourself that being present is such a huge thing.
Speaker 1:It's such a huge thing, and you reminded me to go back to the journaling piece. But that's, journaling is something that helps me be present too. I mean, I use it all the time. There's a quote that says something like take out the mental trash day daily, um, I get it really is like, uh, um, sometimes daily, just emptying what's there so that you can be present, because a lot of times I can get lost in my thinking and my clients tend to be over thinkers and we just get so caught up in our head that we're not present to our life. And I, over the years of working with people, I one of the things that has been the like. The biggest discovery is just how much closer we are to everything we want, but the noise in our head and, um, you know some, all the old stories and things that we tell ourselves is just creating the shade that prevents us from experiencing the beautiful life that is so much closer than we realize.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. I also kind of once in a while, have to remind myself to give myself a pass. You know things that I might do, or you know, uh, you know I'm a, I'm a baker Love, I love it Right. And for me to go buy something to take to an event, it just pains me to even think about it. But there are days that you have to go. I can't, I just I just can't. So guess what I'm going to go buy, like? Sometimes you just give yourself a pass on these simple things and just let it go Um and again. It seems like such a simple little thing, but it's important for me to to give myself some latitude on occasion for things that I might have done differently but don't have the time to do today.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love that. I went to a party recently and I, too, like, take great pride in bringing something homemade and I just didn't have the time or energy to do it, and so I completely get that and I there was a lot less stress and worry by just giving giving yourself a pass. I love that. So did we. We did we complete the story? Was there anything else inside of your story that you wanted to share?
Speaker 2:No, I think this was um. It's kind of fun thinking, thinking back on how this all came to be and um, I am so, I'm so thankful that we met that day at the health fair and that you know all these things needed to happen for us to get where we are today. But if you hadn't been at the health fair and if one of my team members hadn't engaged you and actually done it, and and early morning didn't give me the opportunity to really offer this to others, I mean I might not be where I'm at today in terms of you know, feeling, feeling really um, completed, um, and, and so I'm really thankful for all the things that led up to where we are today. So I appreciate all that. You. I still think about you once in a while and quote you often.
Speaker 1:Uh, I feel that you're so welcome and I'm'm equally grateful. I looked back before we got on and we realized that we started working together or met in 2017. And I you know, watching, watching your journey has been such a joy for me to talking to you back then when you were like anticipating this retirement and then seeing you here and now and living it and filled with a lot of peace and a lot of joy, it just gives me a lot of joy and so I'm so grateful to know you and I'm so grateful that you were willing to come on and share your story.
Speaker 2:And, yeah, final thoughts yeah now I am um, I'm gonna live. I'm gonna live the dream. How about that?
Speaker 1:I love that. I love that you're creating it every day so good. Thank you so much for being here and for this conversation. Thank you, carla. I'll talk to you soon. Yeah, thank you for tuning in to this episode of differently. It's been an honor to share this conversation with you. You know, one of the keys to living fully is to take action when you're inspired to do so. I hope you found that spark of inspiration today and would you help us spread the word. Did someone you know come to mind while you were listening? If this episode could impact someone you know, please share it and pass it along. New episodes drop weekly, so tap that subscribe button and join us next time as we continue to challenge the status quo and get equipped to live life differently.