Are You in Your Own Way?

Where do you get in your own way?

Is it at work?  In your intimate relationships?  Or, are you someone who has it all together on the outside, but feel turmoil on the inside that slows you down and weighs you down.

I want you to know something….

There’s a reason that you get in our own way - and it’s not because something is wrong with you or because you aren't capable of overcoming this hurdle.

On today's episode, I share with you what I discovered early in my Coaching career.  It think it will be eye opening for you.

Learn more about Carla:  https:/www.carlareeves.com/

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Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:00

I'm Carla Reeves, and this is Differently, a podcast where we explore the ins and outs of what becomes possible when we're willing to think, do, and show up differently to the moments of our everyday lives. Hey everyone. For new listeners and for those of you who may not know, I have been coaching ambitious leaders for over a decade, and these are leaders who have created honestly quite a bit of success in some parts of their lives, but who often tend to overthink and get in their own way. Can you relate? Our work together is to help calm the mental noise and really equip them to learn to leverage their thinking to propel their business and everyday life forward. You can think of it like how we go to the gym to strengthen and refine our physical bodies. For my clients, our work together is a mental gym where we work together to really keep the mind clear, strong, flexible, and equipped to move their amazing dreams forward. So my question for you today is where do you get in your own way? Is it at work? Maybe you've gotten accustomed to being the one that takes everything on, but it doesn't quite feel as good as it used to. And you know something needs to change in order for you to go to the next level in your career or your work. Or could it be in your intimate relationships? You've got the work stuff handled, you're really good at that. But it when it comes to your close, intimate relationships, maybe you tend to get in relationships where you are overgiving or overextending or overhelping others, thinking that someday it's going to be different or they're going to change. But deep down you long to feel a true partnership, but honestly feel a little resigned to the idea that it can be any different. Or maybe you're someone that it's just on the inside, that anyone looking from the outside sees that you've got it all together, that life on paper looks really good, but inside there's a disconnect for you. It doesn't feel that way. That's where I was. I want you to know something that there's a reason that we get in our own way. And it's not because there's something wrong with you, that you're not capable of making this different in your life, or and it doesn't mean that you don't have what it takes to thrive in this part of your life. When people start working with me, they typically come with a situation like one of the above, where they're they're just at kind of at the end of their rope of trying and making changes in this area. They feel frustrated or overwhelmed and sometimes resigned. And they just realize like, I've got to get some help because I'm not making any traction on my own. And after several years, I don't know how long it was, in my early coaching days, I began to see a pattern of people like this wanting to escape something when they started coaching. Like they wanted to either change their job or change their relationship or move to a new city, like some big change that would move them away from something. And I began to sense that it might not be the job or the relationship or the city, that it was something else they were trying to escape. And I began asking people when they started working with me, how urgent is it for you to make this change? Can we suspend this for just four to six weeks while we explore something else? Almost always the answer was yes. And then that gave us some time to dive in and explore what I now call your survival model. So your survival model is made up of ways of thinking, being, and doing things that literally helped you to survive at one time in your life and really make it. It's it's given you a lot of success to the point where you are. And the problem is that we're grown adults now operating in a survival model that is most often old and outdated, and actually preventing us from living at our top potential and living the fullness that in our hearts we know is possible. And like I said, this model contains strengths and things that have gotten you a great deal of success, but also in this model are saboteurs who have loud voices and lots of control over you and your emotions, actions, and choices today. And this is the very thing that keeps you from what you truly want today. And so what I discovered is that people were coming into coaching thinking they wanted to escape the job or the relationship or move to a new city, create some new change so they could feel better. And what I discovered is that they were actually trying to escape this survival model that had them trapped in this old way of thinking and doing things that just perpetuated these same unfulfilling results in their life. And they thought the perceived solution was if they could leave the job or leave the relationship, then they'd feel better. The problem I saw was that and had experienced in my own life is that yes, you can change the circumstances and you're gonna feel better for a little while. But after the newness wears off, the same unfulfilling feelings start to show up in the new and different situation. And maybe you've experienced this in your own life or seen it in patterns in other people where they leave a relationship and start a new one and it's all great, and then all of a sudden they're complaining about the same things. I know you've heard it before, but wherever you go, there you are. And so changing the circumstance isn't always the answer. And what I invite clients to do is just hold on that for a little bit. Sometimes it is time to make a change in your life. But if we can explore this survival patterns first and sort of untangle that and free you of that, then you are in a place where you have can make a really clear, confident choice as to whether it was you that needed to shift or the circumstance that needed to shift. Sometimes it might be both. Sometimes after you're clear and free of this survival way of doing life, you can see that it's also time for a change. And other times the situation you're in, it had nothing to do with this situation and everything to do with you. And you're able to experience your life exactly the way it is in a completely new way. So again, the opportunity is not always to change the circumstance, but to change something within yourself. And I want you to really consider something that your mind is the greatest barrier to you having the life you want, but your mind can also be an incredible, amazing asset to you having the life you want. And most of us aren't brought up learning to use this incredible mind. We end up feeling like it's others, the circumstance or something is just flawed about who we are. This couldn't be more untrue. I've come, I have coached people who come in ready to leave their spouse. And after going through this experience of learning their survival model, they free themselves of this old operating system and begin thinking differently and showing up differently in the relationship. And they come back reporting nothing short of miracles. And honestly, they're like, who they they can't believe their spouse. Like, who is this guy? Who is this girl that that feels like the spouse has changed? And a lot of times when you do this work inside yourself, it downloads and ripples to the people around you, and they start to look and act and behave differently. This is my expertise. I always tell people, considering coaching, you're the expert on your life next to God, and I'm the expert on helping you pull away all the crap that's getting in your way and preventing you from leading, living, and loving fully. So here's the opportunity. Like, what can you do? Start to be extremely curious about what is happening in your mind on a daily, maybe even hourly basis. You'll begin to notice that your thoughts are not you. The fact that you can sit and observe them means they're separate. So who is that you that's separate and observing the thoughts? Likely your thoughts have been running the show for a very long time. They've likely led you to believe a lot of things that aren't true about you, about others, about the world around you, about what you're capable of and not capable of, and on and on and on, leaving you feeling powerless and at the mercy of your circumstances, and and resigned to that this is just the way things are. Think of your life like a big yellow school bus. You've been maybe like sleeping on the job, and the kids are running all over the bus, taking turns, driving the bus, your life. These are those um patterns and behaviors, those saboteurs inside the survival model. Now imagine getting back in the driver's seat with the kids properly placed where they should be, safe and sound. That's what's possible in your mind. And as you restore calm and order in your mind, it ripples to everything in your life. I've experienced this myself. My mind used to run like chaos, and it still can at times. But the difference is that I have tools to restore the calm pretty quickly. It takes new habits, awareness, commitment. You really controlling different things. Most people like are trying to control all these things where they have little or no influence in order to feel better. But when you flip it upside down and you start controlling the inside, the way you think, the way you see things, your perceptions, your choices, when you start controlling the things you actually have control over, everything changes in the most amazing way on the outside in all those different places in your life. A client just said to me the other day, or actually, she wrote it in her journal. She said, as my mind calms, the pain in my body is calming too. This is exactly what I'm talking about. There are all these dials that may be blind spots to you. And this is my work. This is what I'm so passionate about. I love to be able to show people all the places where they actually do have control to influence these important areas of their life. I'm going to be sharing more on this in future episodes and getting into more specific details on the really tangible ways that the survival model and these saboteurs get in our way. And if you already know that this is something you want to work on in your life this year, I have a couple of private coaching spots open. And I would love to walk you through understanding your very own survival model. Literally, we lay it out on paper so that you can see it and really equip you with the mindsets and tools to free yourself of this and step outside of it consistently so that you can create the lasting sustainable changes in your life you've been waiting to make. The mind creates a lot of background noise. Think of it like background music that feels noisy to you. It's not the kind of music you like and it just like agitates you. It might feel like it's just there and you just have to deal with it and tolerate it and learn to live with it. The truth is you've just forgotten where the dials are to adjust, turn it down, and even change the music. This is my life's work. It is my honor to serve clients and remind them of just how amazing they are and show them where the dials are to make these small yet super profound adjustments in their life. And as they do, I watch them, they stand taller, they speak more confidently and clearly, they give more voice to their own um values and desires. And that pep in their step that they thought they lost, it comes back and others start to notice. But most importantly, they feel it on the inside, and it alters how they show up and experience their loved ones, their work, and their everyday life. Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Differently. I hope it stirred your thinking, and I invite you to take one inspired action from something that stood out to you. If you love listening to this podcast, may I ask you to leave a review in Apple Podcasts. These mean so much to me, and I read everyone. They are a great source of tool for me at my creating episode. If you want to hear more competitions like this, follow, subscribe, I'll put the button.