Ep 253 - Harnessing Introversion for Startup Success with guest Benjamin Friedman

Are introverts wired for startup success in their own unique way? In this episode of The Quiet And Strong Podcast, host David Hall sits down with Benjamin Friedman, founder and president of Build Scale Grow, to uncover how introverted strengths can be the foundation for authentic, high-impact leadership. If you've ever wondered whether you have to be the loudest voice in the room to launch a successful business, this conversation will inspire you to redefine what it means to be a powerful leader.

You’ll discover why embracing your introverted qualities—like deep thinking, meaningful one-on-one connections, and thoughtful planning—can lead to entrepreneurial success. Benjamin Friedman shares practical advice from his new book and discusses relatable stories of founders who harnessed quiet conviction to drive real results without compromising their authenticity.

Listen in if you're an introvert ready to carve your own path in the fast-paced startup world—or if you lead introverts and want to better understand their superpowers. 

Tune in, learn how to harness your quiet strength, and be strong.

Episode Link: QuietandStrong.com/253

Benjamin Friedman helps founders build companies that balance ambition with authenticity. Known for turning quiet conviction into measurable impact, he guides introverted founders to lead with clarity, confidence, and conviction.

As Founder and President of Build Scale Grow, Inc., Benjamin engages startups in social impact, education, and health tech to align metrics with mission. He balances hard data with human values. With two decades in finance and operations, he's helped raise tens of millions in funding and navigate five successful mergers and acquisitions.

His new book, Silent Strength: The Introvert’s Guide to Building Successful Startups, is a practical guide for introverted entrepreneurs who want to succeed in the high-energy, high-touch startup world without compromising who they are. 

Get Benjamin's book: Silent Strength: The Introvert’s Guide to Building Successful Startups

Connect with Benjamin: Website | Lin

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David Hall

Author, Speaker, Educator, Podcaster

quietandstrong.com
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david [at] quietandstrong.com

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Transcript

Benjamin Friedman [00:00:00]:
So there's this myth that in order to be a successful founder, you have to be animated and loud and talk about how awesome everything is and this is wonderful and just get really out there. And yet there are many, many successful founders who are introverts, who were very authentic, who found their path, who dug in, they solved complex problems, they came up with innovative solutions in times of crises. They were very confident and strong and they didn't have to yell from the top of the mountain. They could just speak calmly and confidently about the solutions needed. And so that's the myth I'm trying to bust here.

David Hall [00:00:48]:
Hello and welcome to episode 253 of the Quietest Drunk podcast, especially for introverts. David, I'm your host David hall and the creator of quietandstrong.com. this is a weekly podcast dedicated to understanding the strengths and needs of introverts along with strategies for success. Introversion is not something to fix, but to be embraced. Normally we will our each episode on a Monday. Be sure to subscribe on your favorite platform, leave a review or a rating that would mean a lot to me and help others find the show, Tell a friend about the podcast and help get the word out there that introversion is a beautiful thing. Benjamin Friedman helps founders build companies that balance ambition with authenticity. Known for turning quiet conviction into measurable impact, he guides introverted founders to lead with clarity, confidence and conviction.

David Hall [00:01:39]:
As founder and president of Build Scale Grow Incorporated, Benjamin engages startups in social impact, education and health tech to align metrics with mission. He balances hard data with human values. With two decades in finance and operation, he's helped raise tens of millions in funding and navigate five successful mergers and acquisitions. Drawing from real world successes and failures drives his ability to build scalable systems and cultures of accountability, performance and engagement. His new book, Silent the Introverts Guide to Building Successful Startups is a practical guide for introverted entrepreneurs who want to succeed in the high energy, high touch startup world without compromising who they are. This book challenges the myth that only the loudest voices lead. It reveals a powerful truth. Introversion is a superpower.

David Hall [00:02:39]:
Benjamin is deeply invested and the future of startups. Through his writing workshops and coaching, he demystifies growth. For founders who value clarity over chaos and face the unknown as they scale.

David Hall [00:02:53]:
All right, well, welcome to the Quiet and Strong podcast. Benjamin. Benjamin, so good to have you on today.

Benjamin Friedman [00:02:59]:
Thank you so much, David. I'm really excited to be here in this one on one conversation.

David Hall [00:03:03]:
Yeah, it's exciting. So we're going to get into your New book First, tell us about yourself and the journey to the work that you're doing now.

Benjamin Friedman [00:03:13]:
So I went to grad school thinking I would be in nonprofit management. But I landed in my first nonprofit organization and found it was very process oriented and I was more interested in trying some things out after a while, not talking about it for 18 months. So I next landed in a fast growing startup. Over three years we doubled in size and revenues and my job changed fundamentally. It was basically a different title each of those three years and I loved it. I could make connections, I could try new things, I could quickly learn from my mistakes and adjust and move forward. And essentially, David, I feel like I became addicted to startups and I did that for about 15 more years. Six years ago, I decided to open up my own shingle which work directly with startups as needed.

Benjamin Friedman [00:04:03]:
One of the interesting notes of my career as a full time employee was all these ups and downs. It was really busy, then it was quiet, then it was really busy and I was like, if I could come in, provide perspective with my experience, I could help install specific projects, solve problems and then if they're in a good place, I can step back and let them run. That works out well for the client that's getting my experience without full time freight and works out well for me because I'm going to be engaged fully across multiple clients and that's been really exciting. And then more recently I've worked in community organizing, done some events and of course, this is my second book that we're going to talk a little bit about.

David Hall [00:04:45]:
Yeah, yeah. Just in a nutshell, tell us about your first book.

Benjamin Friedman [00:04:49]:
The first book is meant to be a modular handbook around a scaling business. It's called scale reach your peak. It's over 500 pages. But before anybody walks away, it's meant to be very modular in that it has over 130 chapters. Any of them can be read in five to seven minutes. You don't need the prior or the next chapter to make sense of it. They're self contained. So it'll talk about public relations.

Benjamin Friedman [00:05:16]:
Do you need a financial model? Tell me about sales or marketing, different snippets of all those. So the founder, who is very familiar in some areas, can gain context in others and then decide if that's really important to go deeper or not.

David Hall [00:05:32]:
Yeah. So awesome. We're going to get into your new book, Silent Strength, the introvert's guide to building successful startups. And let's talk about you for a second. What have you learned that you have is a strength of yours because you're an introvert.

Benjamin Friedman [00:05:49]:
Yeah. It's interesting. As I've gotten better at setting boundaries for myself and expectations with others, I've actually broken through a little bit more. So let me speak to that. If I say, okay, I'm going to go to this event, I'm not thrilled to go, but I know it's meaningful for me and my business. So I will go. I will spend, you know, as much time as I need to make one good connection. And after making one good connection, I can decide to leave.

Benjamin Friedman [00:06:20]:
There's no pressure. I'm there for one connection. Before, I would go to events and feel like I had to collect as many business cards as possible, physical or digital. But with this new model and setting these boundaries, I could go in, make that connection. And typically it was a great conversation. I was really excited and without the pressure of you have to stay on myself, I would just talk to the next person and the next. And I would also dig in for more meaningful conversations. So I would try to skip where do you work, you know, who do you know here? And I would be like, so tell me about the most exciting moment that's happened to you in the last three months.

Benjamin Friedman [00:06:58]:
What has you really excited for the next six months and what are you gonna do to make that happen? So that way it's really interesting conversation so that most other people can get excited about as well.

David Hall [00:07:10]:
Yeah, very cool. And we're going to talk more about these kinds of strategies. And I've also, you know, been at the event where I tried to bounce around as quickly as I could from person to person. And what I found was what you were describing. It's not only not effective for me, but it's draining. And if I can have some more strategic, deeper conversations, then, you know, maybe it's only one or two, but I might label that as a success versus not going to remember all the people I've met anyway.

Benjamin Friedman [00:07:40]:
Right, absolutely.

David Hall [00:07:42]:
Yeah.

Benjamin Friedman [00:07:42]:
I'm a big fan of going deep versus wide and I think that aligns nicely with us introverts. But it's also more meaningful unless you're selling widgets and every widget is the same. But in my business, and probably yours too, you're working with people who have unique perspectives and needs. And in order to sort them out, you have to understand them well.

David Hall [00:08:03]:
Yeah. So, Benjamin, on this show we talk about the strengths of introverts, which we will talk more about. We talk about needs and we bust some myths. Is there any myths you want to bust today.

Benjamin Friedman [00:08:16]:
So I think pretense to the book, what led me to it, is that in the startup ecosystem, like most, there is a reverence for extroverted leaders. Now, it so happens that they're excited to do interviews, they're very eager to be. And in front of audiences on panels. They might be the loudest ones in the room. And we might have time later to get into the science behind that. It's not meant to bother us introverts. It's how they're wired and they get more animated and more loud as they get more excited being around others. But that also means that there's a lot of pressure on introverted founders.

Benjamin Friedman [00:08:53]:
And it's my hypothesis that 40 to 50% of founders are introverts, because every time I bring this up, one out of two people gets excited about the book. So that's my. My scientific rigor. But it just plays out in the general population too. So there's this myth that in order to be a successful founder, you have to be animated and loud and talk about how awesome everything is and this is wonderful and. And just get really out there. And yet there are many, many successful founders who are introverts and who were very authentic, who found their path, who dug in. They solved complex problems, they came up with innovative solutions in times of crises.

Benjamin Friedman [00:09:37]:
They were very confident and strong, and they didn't have to yell from the top of the mountain. They could just speak calmly and confidently about the solutions needed. And so that's the myth I'm trying to bust here.

David Hall [00:09:49]:
Yeah, you really gave some great strengths of introverted leaders and founders, you know, and we might not be the loudest in the room. Right. What do you say about that?

Benjamin Friedman [00:10:02]:
No, for sure. When I think about Steve Wozniak, he was often on his own trying to solve problems with computers. He was very lucky to find a equally brilliant co founder in Steve Jobs who was willing to go out there. Steve Jobs focused on the creativity. Steve Wozniak focused on the computer, the everybody wanted. It's sort of the unsung compute on top of it. You have Bill Gates who would spend hours and hours in his office. He's come out a little bit more in the last decade to talk about some big issues, but he was definitely working to solve problems and figure things out on his own.

Benjamin Friedman [00:10:41]:
And finally, I'll mention Larry Page, who built Googleplex with himself in mind at the company's headquarters. It was built in such a way that it wasn't these wide open spaces. There were places where people could go congregate, have one on one conversations. They could see each other, but they weren't flooded with sensory information from all their colleagues at once. And he was also very big on no meetings or few meetings. And people send what they need by memo so that he could get reports and questions and updates from everyone on the team, not just the loudest people in the meetings.

David Hall [00:11:16]:
Yeah, yeah. You mentioned some introverts that have changed the world, right? We owe so much to all of those introverts.

Benjamin Friedman [00:11:24]:
Yes, definitely. And it's great to have the opportunity to share their story, but then also bring it to the rest of us humans who might not have that type of fame, but we can find success in our own way. So just as we talk about authentically embracing business and professional careers, we can also define success for ourselves and in whatever that means for us around family, community and business. And so I think that's an important thing to say is, as I mentioned, those people that roll off the tongue and everyone's familiar with, there are a lot of other introverts who are doing their thing quietly but steadily and they are recognizing that sometimes their goals will supersede their challenges and their hesitations. And so the book allows for tools and techniques and as to how to recognize what you want and then how to obtain it.

David Hall [00:12:21]:
Awesome. So let's talk more about your book, Silent Strength. What else will we find in there?

Benjamin Friedman [00:12:28]:
So like I mentioned some of the examples, I tried to use a lot more of both real people and I put in some fictional stories which are amalgamations of people I've met, maybe in different circumstances or situations I've seen. I thought it would be fun to play with a fictional element in order to make a continuous story. You know, how their childhood led to their current startup led to some of the challenges they're facing, and that would set up the rest of the chapter as far as how to solve those challenges. So for example, if you are dedicated to sales, as most founders have to get out there and sell in one way or another, you can see that as very daunting to go and talk to a bunch of strangers. Or you can see it as an opportunity to rehearse carefully, Practice first with friends, then with a few members of the team. Have your script down so then you can focus on the part where they're talking to you, you're listening to what they have to say, what they need, and you're able to respond in the moment because you've already figured out exactly what you're going to say on behalf of your company. You can really listen to what they're going to say. And then finally you can really focus on one on one conversations versus, you know, to the extent possible, not doing big pitches and, and group events.

David Hall [00:13:51]:
Yeah. Listening and really engaging in that one on one relationship, which often introverts are very good at.

Benjamin Friedman [00:14:00]:
Yes, certainly. Another person in the book is Sarah Blakeney. She founded Spanx women's clothing market.

David Hall [00:14:07]:
Yeah. So you're, you've worked with a lot of introvert founders. What are some of the, what have you learned about helping them succeed?

Benjamin Friedman [00:14:17]:
Yeah, so I think there are certainly unique situations with all them and their businesses, but there are some common viewpoints as well. One is we all have our biases. David, you've already mentioned some, either from the perspective of extroverts or maybe introverts have internalized those. We all, for example, we have the potential to get fooled by biases. We fall under the negativity bias where we think that one bad review offsets, you know, 100 good reviews. And so we dwell on that. We might decide to work with somebody because they remind us of ourselves, but that may not be the best idea for the business. And then there's the biases that we've already started to address here around the ability of introverts to do networking and sales and fundraising as well as everything else needed to take a business off the ground.

Benjamin Friedman [00:15:12]:
I really talk to founders about trade offs and optionality. So the trade offs are, hey, if you recognize that you're really good at deep work, but you're running a business where somebody has to be out there all the time, you have to decide either you're going to level up your skills around being that person who is out there, or find a partner or a co founder who is going to be very willing and excited to take on that role so that you can continue to develop the product or the business. So that's one way to offset that. But I think that a lot of these founders, it's a matter of really recognizing their options and ways that they can move forward. And instead of dwelling on the challenge, you dwell on potential solutions.

David Hall [00:15:58]:
Yeah, yeah. So, Benjamin, I've been enjoying your book and you talk about the importance of making future plans. Talk about that, sure.

Benjamin Friedman [00:16:05]:
So I think it was Dwight Eisenhower who said in preparing for battle, plans are useless, but planning is indispensable. And while he certainly had bigger challenges than we hopefully ever have to face, the idea of thinking about what is ahead, of planning as far ahead as possible. And that way you start to think, okay, if things go really well, what do I need to do in order to prepare for that opportunity, that scale? If things don't go as well as I hope, how am I going to make adjustments? And if I start thinking now, some of the ways that I can make those choices, I'll have more options versus waiting until I have enough money for one more payroll, and I'm in big trouble. But when we go through the process of planning, we're really thinking, what are our opportunities? What are our challenges? And how do we prepare as best as possible for both? And then finally, I think, and this is some of what we've talked about already. It's about facing your fears. You know, it's one thing to think about, oh, like when I'm a, you know, hugely successful company, whatever that means to you, it's easy to get excited and away and think about what that means. It's very daunting to think about the reverse. But if we face those fears, it has a way of disarming the monster, of taking the power away from that fear.

Benjamin Friedman [00:17:31]:
If we can look at it, if we can name it, we can say, this is the worst that can happen. It's scary for a moment, but often we then say, well, if that happens, I'm sure I'll end up doing this, or I'll do that, or I'll talk to my friends and my loved ones and say, what would I do if this happens? And they'll give us some great responses, too. So in this process of planning, we are facing our demons, and we're quickly overcoming them so that we can really focus on the business at hand.

David Hall [00:18:00]:
Awesome. And a related question. We have great ideas as introverts. I think that's a gift we have. We're deep thinkers, but how do we turn those great ideas into action?

Benjamin Friedman [00:18:12]:
Yeah. So all founders and most of us have the potential to dwell on ideas longer than we should. So first, we have to realize that an idea untested is almost worse than having no idea at all. We have to commit to getting our ideas out there. So with that in mind, the next step is to communicate them. Start with a small audience. Again, it might be people you trust to tell you what you need to hear, even if it's not what you want to hear. Maybe it's some of your colleagues at work.

Benjamin Friedman [00:18:46]:
From there, it's really designing an experiment and saying, okay, if we take one customer or one customer segment, you know, less than 5% of our business, and we roll out this new idea and we say, okay, how do they respond to that? We can even offer it for free. We can even tell them this is new. We're going to get their feedback in a day or a week or a month, whatever makes sense so that they recognize that we're open to their feedback. But we get it out there and then we keep testing it and then finally we put the idea out there. But we don't stop. We continue to review. Is this still as good as we hoped? Are there ways to make it better? Should we try something new? Because we always have to be experimenting and redefining ourselves. But once we get past the hesitation of getting our ideas out there, it's really taking it in very small steps and, and building towards something magical because we're going to.

Benjamin Friedman [00:19:40]:
We're going to learn whether it's successful or not. We're going to learn what works.

David Hall [00:19:45]:
Yeah, for sure. So what advice do you have for introverts that may be struggling? How to succeed at work?

Benjamin Friedman [00:19:56]:
Yeah, so I think if you're struggling at work, and it could come in a couple different ways if it's in the sort of parts of work that many of us don't like, but especially introverts such as the meetings. I like to talk to introverts a lot about how to prepare meetings and then also how to respond to meetings. So in light of your question, I'm going to say this is somebody at work who is not facilitating the meeting, but they're asked to join. I always think of it in the phases of before, during and after. Before the meeting, think about what it is you want to contribute. And if you can do that in writing, maybe it's a large meeting and maybe it's hard for everyone to speak. You can send something in writing to the facilitator or you can catch them one on one and give your thoughts. Then you can say, okay, no, I need to speak in the meeting.

Benjamin Friedman [00:20:47]:
I'm going to focus on one topic. I'm going to rehearse that topic. Or maybe it's a question with some facts and details behind the question. I'm going to be prepared for that and I'm only going to have my one question. I don't have to dominate the room to prove I'm there. I just have to have one good question or one good statement. And then afterwards it's going to the facilitator and saying something like, oh, I thought this was a great idea. I'm happy to think about a little bit more and give you some additional thoughts.

Benjamin Friedman [00:21:16]:
Or I might be Happy to join a small group with just a couple people. That's comfortable and exciting for me. I want to do that. But find some way to follow up after meeting to show that you are engaged, even if you didn't speak at all or spoke very little during the meeting.

David Hall [00:21:31]:
Yeah. And for us introverts, I think preparation is so key, you know, because we're deep thinkers. We like to think we're good at it. But sometimes, and, you know, I always talk like this, you know, I don't talk in absolutes. Like, sometimes we aren't as good at thinking on our feet. So what you were describing is such a good strategy where you're, you know, looking at the agenda. You know, do I know enough about this topic? What points do I want to make? And maybe it's like you're saying it's just a point, but you need to most of the time make points so people know that you have something to say and, you know, maybe list the questions that you want to ask, if there's any.

Benjamin Friedman [00:22:13]:
I totally agree, David. And I think there's one other aspect that I found really powerful, and I'll confess I've only been leaning into it recently in my life. And that is to say, you might notice that I'm quiet during the meeting, and you might think that means I'm being judgmental or I'm being aloof, and I want to just say that I'm here and I'm processing what I'm learning. And I might not have anything to say right now, but I will follow up with you later. I might chime in at the next meeting with thoughts that building on the topic. But I want you to know that I'm here and I'm engaged, even if I'm not talking a lot and whatever version of that, you know, somebody else would say, calling it out. I think it was Doug Conant at Campbell's Soup who said to his whole team, and these are thousands of people, if you see me looking aloof, I want you to call me out. And by him leaning into that perception from Extroverts, and he very confidently said, I might approach this differently, but I am completely capable because it is amazing source of confidence to say this is how you might perceive me.

Benjamin Friedman [00:23:28]:
And I'm not going to say that you're wrong. I'm just going to say this is what's really going on in my head, even if I'm not talking through my mouth right now.

David Hall [00:23:37]:
Yes, that's so important. So definitely we need to do that personally. And Share, you know, how we operate, but also, you know, and why we're talking today is we want to get the word out there what introversion is all about. So, you know, if we can. If we can have these understandings, you know, because most teams have introverts and extroverts on them, most teams are a mix. And so if we could understand each other and how we communicate and that we're going to think and then share what we think is most important, whereas the extrovert is likely to think out loud generally or most of the time. And if you don't understand that difference, there can be some conflict.

Benjamin Friedman [00:24:18]:
Yes, that's definitely true. And, you know, the last time we were talking, David, the book has the word founder in it, but we, I think, agreed. Everybody can see applications of the book. You might be a founder in your. Your home business, you might be a founder in the community, you might be a leader in volunteering at your religious organization. And so these tools are meant to say, hey, you will face situations where it's not the most comfortable. There are ways to recognize where you are and accomplish your goals. And also, you may decide this is not the right situation.

Benjamin Friedman [00:24:55]:
For me, there's another path to the top of the mountain that I'm very happy to take, where I'm going to be much more engaged and much happier. And also others will see me as more productive and thoughtful. So definitely agree with what you're saying.

David Hall [00:25:11]:
Yeah. So beyond the meeting, what have you learned as an introvert to give successful and impactful speeches and presentations?

Benjamin Friedman [00:25:21]:
Yeah. So I think when it comes to presentations, we've talked about practicing and rehearsing. I think you want to be very mindful of your presence on stage. And there's a lot of videos and all out there. But some tips particular to us. One is getting to the place early is really helpful and talking to a couple people, first of all, it warms up that person to you. But secondly, you get a sense of who's in the audience. And as you're standing up there, it's not you facing a sea of strangers.

Benjamin Friedman [00:25:52]:
It's you talking to this person you just met. And hopefully you found a connection there. And you talking about something you care about a lot, and you're really focused on that. So you're relaying your energy at a direct level. And you're also coming in committed to three to five strong points at the macro level about something that's really meaningful to you. And then finally, I'm sure we talk about authenticity a lot outside of this discussion, but it's really important. Get up on stage and say what you have to say. But please, like, don't pretend that you are fill in the blank famous speaker.

Benjamin Friedman [00:26:33]:
You are you. And you have a lot to contribute. This audience is going to be people who prepared and people are very thoughtful. So lean into that and say what you have to say and don't feel like you have to say a lot more. Don't say you have to fill it up with a bunch of jokes that you find awkward. So you're not sure how they're going to land with the audience. Just go in and talk about yourself and relate some personal stories. Also, I find that it's very warming to the audience if you can say, oh, on the way to the stage or in preparing for this.

Benjamin Friedman [00:27:04]:
I notice this other thing in the news that very much relates to what we're talking about that helps the audience also connect to you and the topic.

David Hall [00:27:13]:
Yeah, for sure. And, you know, I think something you said there's been really important for me. It's like people need to remember I'm giving this presentation or speech for a reason, because I have some expertise that people want to hear and I don't have to be like this other person, like you were saying.

Benjamin Friedman [00:27:32]:
That's right, that's right. And I guess there's another point too. So if you give that speech and you're not wiped out afterwards, ideally you go and talk to people some more because they're going to come to you with their questions and thoughts, and hopefully you can take that to the next level. Like, oh, I really appreciate that feedback. Why did that resonate with you? Oh, that's a great idea. Tell me about how that idea affects your business and what you're doing, ways where you're digging the conversation. Because when we're on stage, we're not getting a lot of feedback. We might be excited to talk about the topic, but we're not engaged in a conversation, which sometimes we introverts love.

Benjamin Friedman [00:28:12]:
So take that afterwards. And then the flip side is, if you do that presentation, you're exhausted. Don't feel like you have to stay. Like, you know, you obviously don't want to run out after. After the speech. Although that would leave an impression. But you can say like, okay, I'll talk to a couple people, but I do have to go and just tell everyone you need to leave in 10 minutes. And that's fine too.

Benjamin Friedman [00:28:35]:
Like, don't feel obligated to stay for an hour and really extend yourself. And then finally put Some buffer time before and after those events, so you can really relax and download after.

David Hall [00:28:47]:
Yeah. Such great advice. And that's what I've learned as well. We need, we're talking about for meetings, presentation, speeches, prepare, you know, and you, you, you can only prepare so much things are going to happen, you know, but do your best preparation and, you know, give yourself a break if there's anything you're not quite prepared. Prepared for. But that's another myth. Introverts can be amazing public speakers, and a lot of the public, famous public speakers out there that people would recognize are introverts.

Benjamin Friedman [00:29:17]:
Yes, that's definitely true. And it's funny, David, is in part of your preparation, you might even have phrase or a sentence or a point. So if things go awry, say the, the screen goes blank in the middle of your presentation or, or the lights go out or whatever. Because like you said, something always happens. You might have your go to line and say, if something happens, here's my line to get us back on track, or here's my joke. So you can even prepare for the unexpected to some extent and then, you know, come right back to what you're talking about and people will think, wow, that person's really confident that they, even though the lights went out, they came right back to their point.

David Hall [00:29:56]:
Yeah. And then the other key that you mentioned. Yeah. We have to learn to manage our energy around things. So, like, you know, guess what? I. I had an hour before our conversation today, and I blocked off an hour after. And it's just like, you know, I'm enjoying our conversation. You know, this is, this is very great.

Benjamin Friedman [00:30:17]:
Thank you. Yeah. I think setting expectations has been a big part of my journey. I started to understand over time my introversion and how to best work with it, how to partner with myself, if you will. But where I really feel like I cross the threshold is being able to tell people in a confident way, this is what I need. You know, I can't do my fifth event, you know, in the afternoon. I need a break. Or is it possible to reschedule this.

Benjamin Friedman [00:30:46]:
Something came up, and maybe it wasn't the same time, but I knew it would be too much at once. And then part of it is setting a routine, like you said before and after, I will be very quiet. I won't be, you know, going from this to five networking events. Right. If I do an event or I have a discussion like this where I really want to be on point, I'm really excited talking with you. These are, these are great ideas that I Embrace. And I want to be very clear about what we're talking about. But at the same time, I'll need time to relax afterwards.

Benjamin Friedman [00:31:18]:
So I'll go for a walk and I'll build that into my routine where it's second nature. But also very mindful that if for some reason I am uncomfortable, I will remove myself either physically or mentally. I'll say, wait, what's going on? Maybe I need more time. Maybe I need to go. And it's just very powerful to know yourself that way and then be able to say to people, this is what I need. And most people will respond to that.

David Hall [00:31:46]:
Yeah. So outside of presentations or speeches, what else have you learned about how you manage your energy?

Benjamin Friedman [00:31:53]:
So I keep a routine that's really helpful for me. So in the mornings, I'll do some exercising, I'll do some meditation. I'll do some routine tasks like washing the dishes or something where my mind isn't sort of still warming up. It doesn't need a lot of firepower at the sink. In the middle of the day, I'll get up and walk and move around. If it's a conversation where I can have it by phone versus by video chat, I'll ask that person if we can do it audio only. And that way I can move around. So even though I'm very excited, I'm dissipating some of that energy in the moment.

Benjamin Friedman [00:32:30]:
And then finally, I would share that I am a calendar hawk. So I use my calendar not only for meetings, but but for all of my projects and tasks. So that's not to say if something comes up. If you call me and say, hey, I could really use your help. Can we talk in a couple hours? I'd say yes. And then whatever I have there, I'll move to tomorrow or the next day, I'll move things around. But things that are important sit on my calendar, and that way I'm sure to have them get done. And I can also evaluate what is more important for me and is it this or this? One of them has to go.

Benjamin Friedman [00:33:06]:
My time is finite. Energy is the most precious resource, and you mentioned that earlier. But time is clearly finite. So if something comes up and it's going to replace something else, that's fine. But now I have to decide what's more important and prioritize immediately. That's super important for founders who always have 100 things to do. They always have to prioritize as a first step. But many of us are in the same situation.

Benjamin Friedman [00:33:31]:
You know, family versus work, myself versus My friend. But the more we learn to prioritize those things, the better we get at it.

David Hall [00:33:40]:
Yeah, priority prioritizing and using your calendar, those are key. And, you know, as introverts, we do have a lot of great ideas. We can't do them all. So to prioritize is so important, to figure out what's most important to me, what's going to really help me move forward and. And not try to do everything.

Benjamin Friedman [00:34:02]:
I totally agree. And one other thing I do is once a week, for me, it was last night. So it's very much on my mind. Once a week, I go to dinner by myself. I have a ton of notes, things I'm thinking about, things I'm working on. I happen to be a paper person, but everyone does it their own way. But I lay out everything, all the ideas, things I've had, and I'm like, okay, how am I going to move this forward? What's the next thing I'm going to do? And I'll think, okay, like, I need to reach out to David and get his advice. Okay, I need to write this piece in order to move that forward.

Benjamin Friedman [00:34:36]:
And it might be like 50 different things, but all of them are moving forward slowly and steadily. And to your point, a moment ago, if I have an idea that is coming in, but now is not the time to deal with it, I'll put that idea in my notebook and I'll take care of it at my dinner. So that way I'm not ignoring the idea in the long term, but I'm focused on what I need to do right now.

David Hall [00:35:01]:
Yeah. Yeah. I benefited from David Allen's Getting Things Done book. And he called that a someday maybe list. You know, like, we have great ideas and it might be a great idea, but just now's not the time. But don't let it get away. You know, write it down. And I also use paper a bit, you know, now I'll then transfer things into the computer.

David Hall [00:35:22]:
But I. I think a lot of us think on paper.

Benjamin Friedman [00:35:26]:
Yes. I. It's still the idea that I can just draw lines and make physical connections. And then also it's. Paper is just a better mnemonic. If I physically write a name down or an idea down, I will easily remember it if I'm just typing. And it's the same as everything else. It's easier to get lost.

David Hall [00:35:46]:
Yeah. Benjamin, this has been a great conversation. Is there anything else you want to add about your book or the work that you do?

Benjamin Friedman [00:35:54]:
So I would say, you know, we've talked a lot about introversion, using it to guide your life, not to hold back your life. I think it's, it's really important to recognize where you're at. It's funny, in my journey inward, I've been much more comfortable to reach outward. So I've gone to others for help and support. Sometimes I need them to tell me what I don't want to hear. But a lot of times I need to get, I need people to help me move things forward, to give me advice. So I think that's really important and I hope people recognize that that's possible in the introvert journey. And then the idea of curation, the idea of picking the, the friends that you want to spend your time with, the work that you want to do.

Benjamin Friedman [00:36:40]:
Obviously you can't do everything you want all the time, but the more you focus on very thoughtfully, do I, do I want to go to this event? Do I need to meet this group of people? Should I spend my time working on something? But if I work on something alone too long, do I need to go and talk to some other people? Always thinking about how to best curate your life so that it's authentic, meaningful and moving forward towards progress. I think that's really important.

David Hall [00:37:12]:
Yeah, sounds great. And of course, where can people find out more about your book and your work?

Benjamin Friedman [00:37:18]:
So the book will be available on Amazon. Hoping there'll be a link with the podcast but I'll share that with you. My website for the business is we build, scale, grow.

Benjamin Friedman [00:37:30]:
And there's a lot of information there about the work I'm doing. And then I post every weekday on LinkedIn because as an introvert that's how I like to communicate my ideas.

David Hall [00:37:40]:
Very nice. Well, thanks again, Benjamin.

Benjamin Friedman [00:37:43]:
Thank you, David. It's been great talking with you.

David Hall [00:37:45]:
Thank you so much for joining me. I appreciate you. I hope you take the time to explore other episodes and learn from other amazing guests. Remember, if you're interested in getting to know yourself better, there is now a free type finder personality assessment on the Quiet and Strong website. This free assessment will give you a brief report including the four letter Myers Briggs code. I'll add a link in the show notes and I'd love to connect with you. Reach out to davidandstrong.com or check out the quietandstrong.com website which includes blog posts and links to social media for quiet and strong and much more. Send me topics or guests you would like to see on the show.

David Hall [00:38:25]:
So many great things about being an introvert and so we need those to be understood. Get to know your introverted strengths and needs and be strong.