The Heart Of Show Business With Alexia Melocchi
Step into the bold and unfiltered world of show business with Alexia Melocchi—PGA producer, international distributor, author, and 30-year Hollywood insider.
This is your backstage pass to the mindset, tactics, and truth behind how Hollywood really works. Through raw and inspiring conversations with A-list creators, business leaders, and global thought shapers, you'll discover the real strategies that lead to lasting success—on and off the screen.
From insider tips to soulful storytelling, each episode is a masterclass in making your mark—not just in showbiz, but in every area of life.
The Heart Of Show Business With Alexia Melocchi
Transforming Business Through Strategic Communication and Events with Skybright CEO Derek De Vette
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Ever wondered how to transform your career through strategic communication and brand exposure through event production? Today's episode features Derek De Vette, the visionary CEO of Skybright Agency, who shares his incredible journey from an aspiring musician to orchestrating high-profile events for brands like Harley Davidson and the Modern Day Wife. Derek's clear passion for creating meaningful experiences is sure to inspire as we reveal to our listeners our shared history and the importance of divine alignment in our professional paths.
Discover the essentials to elevate your career or brand as Derek emphasizes the significance of having a clear "why" and a strategic plan. Forget about mimicking the Kardashians; Derek provides insightful anecdotes from his diverse career in PR and communications, illustrating how objective-based goals and purposeful media efforts can drive real business results. Learn how to navigate toxic personalities in the industry and the importance of respecting everyone, regardless of their social status or professional viability.
Our conversation takes a deeper turn as we explore the "excellence reflex" vital in event management, and in life, and the role of self-audits in continuous improvement. Whether it's recognizing subtle signs of discomfort in our interactions or building a community through networking, this episode is packed with valuable insights and inspiration. Join us for a compelling discussion that promises to boost your mindset and foster continuous self-improvement.
Contact Derek
https://skybrightagency.com
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Welcome to the heart of show business. I am your host, alexia Melocchi. I believe in great storytelling and that every successful artist has a deep desire to express something from the heart to create a ripple effect in our society. Emotion and entertainment are closely tied together. Emotion and entertainment are closely tied together. My guests and I want to give you insider access to how the film, television and music industry works. We will cover dreams come true, the road less traveled journey beginnings and a lot of insight and inspiration in between.
Speaker 1I am a successful film and television entrepreneur who came to America as a teenager to pursue my show business dreams. Are you ready for some unfiltered real talk with entertainment visionaries from all over the world? Then let's roll. Sound and action. Hello to all my listeners and now viewers because newsflash I'm on YouTube now. I'm repurposing, so you'll be seeing me and seeing this gorgeous redhead man into the show and you're going to wonder who the heck is he. We are on season seven. I can't believe it. I'm just entering season seven and, of course, this wonderful human and so it's one of my first guests into entering season seven. And, of course, this wonderful human, and so it's one of my first guests into the season seven, derek the Vet, and let's all begin a round of a virtual applause.
Speaker 1He is the CEO of Skybright Agency, which is a PR and event production agency based in LA. His work has appeared in Forbes, the LA Times, billboard, bet, mtv. He has a great lens and approach to branding, advertising, event production, focusing on showcasing any brands or artists' mission, and that's what got him the trust of Oscar and Grammy winning entertainers, movie stars, all kinds of people and even clients, such as Farley Davidson, and he did a great event for them and he'll tell you about that. Derek, welcome to my part of show business.
Speaker 2Thank you very much, excited to be here. It'll be fun.
Speaker 1It's so great to see you and for anybody who wants to know the backstory, because everybody wants to know how the heck are you bringing these people and why you choose them and I always choose them a because I need to really like them and, b I need to believe that they have something to offer to my listeners. And now my audience.
Speaker 1Derek and I believe it or not go way, way back. I was very close friends with his mom and he was like I think he was probably 15 or 16 years old, maybe 17, when I first met him. He was a musician. He had big dreams about rocking those stages I was in the movie business, you know and we hang out quite a bit and then we lost touch, you know, and and we hang out quite a bit and then we lost touch. And then, as the universe always brings you people at the perfect, right time and place, he shows up as the event planner for this incredible brand and event series that I am a proud podcast sponsor of called the modern day wife, and he actually produces these events, who are incredible. The organization is just so seamless and I was attending one of those and I see this man and I'm going sky and I'm like there inside you. And here comes derek with his little mic and like running the show, like a perfect director of like thousands of people attending. So this is how we reunited.
Speaker 2That's like my backstory do you have an alternative to this?
Speaker 2hopefully not no, it's perfect. I I did when we knew each other. I like to say, now that we're in our old youth, so in our younger youth I did have musical aspirations. I did pursue those. So I had a band, we were on MTV, college, 500 radio. We played festivals, played for thousands of people.
Speaker 2That was a truly joyous, fun chapter. And after I did that chapter and decided to start a family and, let's just say, start a new one, events were the closest thing that approximated the joy that I got from gathering thousands of people around art in that. In that art would be music, light choreography and everything, but it truly was a passion for me, meaning, meaning every molecule of my soul burns to entertain people. So of all the different things that I've done, that pathway eventually converged into events, concerts, food fighters, festivals for Harley Davidson. So the Modern Day Wife event is incredible because it has all these aspects. It's got a fashion show and celebrity panels and big brand activations, musical entertainers, djs and all these things happening at once. So that brings me a lot of joy. I could never do like a corporate conference in a grayish ballroom. So the day that you ran into me, they were my client and I was running that entire show. It was in Beverly Hills and I had the headset on, just like you said, and it was Lexia.
Speaker 2So it was a really funny that after all those years it's always fun when something's just completely out of context. So yeah, spot on and joyous. And then of course we had lunches and caught up. But yeah, it's just funny how the universe kind of connects. I always say sometimes people might touch each other's orbits and then it's strange how the universe works out later and then suddenly you're in the same orbit and that just all of a sudden happened where you know we touched when I was younger and then as adults, all of a sudden we're in the same orbit. We're going okay, how do we do business together? Why don't we do this? Why don't we collaborate on this? So spot on. But that's how I ended up there.
Speaker 1Wow yeah, that's how I ended up there. Wow yeah, I like to call it divine alignment, and I really feel that when you meet like-minded people, you never really truly lose them. And I think what obviously united us is not just our past and the fact that we've known each other for so many years, but we share so many similar views about life and having a voice and wanting to help also those with strong voices that you know I sound. I don't want to sound like some, you know, like beauty pageant thing. I'm worried about a place where it is. We need to wait to make the world a better place, and I think if we do not back and help those that are going to be the storytellers that you know, the ones that are just going to create things, then what's life's purpose, you know? And was it difficult for you to transition from I'm an artist which obviously that's how it all started to I am a businessman, or do those two things blend seamlessly for you?
Speaker 2Yes and no. I would say I became a much better businessman from trial and error, eventually creating an event company, than I was when I was an artist. In fact, I think if I were a better businessman when I was an artist, I would have been far more successful. And just to be clear about that, we had critical acclaim and big LA Times features and played for thousands of people, but that's not Grammys, gold records, millions of people touring, right, and my viewpoint at that time in my young 20s, it was just faulty. It was I'm an artiste and I really believed it with conviction. Right, it was I'm an artiste and I really believed it with conviction. Right, like I'm not gonna sell from the stage or you know what I mean I'm an artiste, I'm the lead singer, and it's a bizarre viewpoint looking backwards, because we were playing massive shows, we weren't, we didn't have a merch booth. I mean these are like crimes to commit when you're up and coming as a musician, because these all become big profit standards when you're a successful artist, when you're a Taylor Swift or a U2 or whoever, they've all got mass a whole merchandise business. There are so many aspects of business. So I had this very kind of warped view that you shouldn't do that, whereas later on it would be if, if this song gets a whole lot of applause, it would have been like, oh, thank you so much, that's off of our third cd. You can get that in the merch booth before you go and we're going to come back and sign after the show. Right, sell, sell, sell, sell. It's the difference of being a starving artist versus just being a really talented artist. So I learned those lessons the hard way earlier in the music career and the people that I looked up to at that time this we're talking late 90s, gosh, you know like, say, the Dave Matthews band. We were like a really hard edged Dave Matthews band. I mean big shocker for a guy that wears t shirts and sandals when he performs. In around 1997, he was doing $180 million in merchandise alone. He owned it outright. He had his own facility in Virginia where he did all of his screen printing and his T-shirts and his own fan base, I mean. So he really ran his band like a business, and so that was the model that I studied and then changed.
Speaker 2But the reason why I mention it is is the majority of artists that are starting right now don't treat their music or, excuse me, don't treat their art like a business. And I don't mean sell out you should. It's just you need to be aware that you are a brand and you have an audience and you have a price point and you have a product and you offer that product or service to people. These are all common sense. If you're an adult in business, it's not how you think. Starting off, whether you're a painting artist or a musician, you're starting off with the passion. But if you want to monetize that passion, you have to think of it as a brand. And that is becoming clearer to this current generation because all their heroes are social media personalities. But they're mistaking being a brand with being famous and it's still not running it like a business. Like, you can love or hate the Kardashians, but what made them a business is that the mom took all of the attention units, all the eyeballs that they're attracting, and found ways to monetize it. So the younger generation sees this and goes I want to be famous, but that's not. It's not a business. The key is to channel that.
Speaker 2So I guess, to answer your question, I wouldn't say it was hard, I just had to as I transitioned out of that. Dare I say, hack my education like intentionally read books, listen to tons of audio books, like I hate doing sales. Well, that's not good, because if I want to make money, I need to sell my services. So let's go do a sales college, right? Let's? Let's listen to sales books. These are not things you think about as a kid, necessarily. So I've done a ton of that college courses, seminars, audio books religiously to up my game, because I always want to be better. And specifically what I do now with events I always say last year's incredible is this year's ho-hum, if you're lucky, at least in Los Angeles. So I'm always trying to be better at business so that I could create a better event for my attendees.
Speaker 2I don't know if I answered your question, but it wasn't necessarily hard. I just found it was a necessity to learn about business to be successful. And if I answered your question, but it so it wasn't necessarily hard. I just found it was a necessity to learn about business to be successful. And if I would have, if I would have had a mentor, somebody would have explained that earlier. I would have. I would have done that in a different trajectory. Besides just play for more people, which I did. I played for thousands of people, but I wasn't. There was no signage on the stage. There was no CD that I was promoting. I wasn't saying buy this album, call into this radio. Do you see what I'm saying? So I was just going for numbers rather than treating it like a business. So it was more that it wasn't hard, other than I had to conservatively recognize my weaknesses, hack that part of my education so that I could then flourish and prosper at what I would do.
Crafting Strategic Business Objectives
Speaker 1I love what you just said about all this, because I think that there is this great misunderstanding right now about social media and people go. Well, if I can get followers, if I can take enough selfies, if I can do this as an artist, then I'm going to get my gig. But what? That's not what it's about, because, like you said, dave Matthews, he did not have social media. Social media, there was no instagram, there was no tiktok, but he found a way to brand who he was and communicate to his audience in such a way that they will become the raving fans. Right, because you just do not want fans. You want raving fans who are going to be coming over and over and coming to buy from you, see, you perform, you, you know, watch, your get that ticket for the movie that you've just produced or starred in.
Speaker 1And I think when people want to level up, I think it's not just about oh, can I just buy lights or can I just see what the Kardashians are doing, like you said, and mimic them? The Kardashians had a why, had a marketing plan, and sometimes it's hard for you to figure it out by yourself. You need another person, you need a Derek, or you need somebody who is going to help you take a look at who you are, where you're going, whatever it is you want to do, whether you want to do events around beauty and wellness, you want to be an actor, an actress, a musician, you know, a producer, an author, it's all the same thing. I think it follows the same business rules. Ultimately, like you said, who is going to buy you or your product?
Speaker 1And in order to do that, sometimes you need somebody with a bit of a distance who can help you discover that about yourself or rediscover it right, and that's when you come in right. So when somebody comes in and says, derek, I want to work with you, help me like what are going to be the whether it's an event or whether it's somebody that needs more PR exposure or you know, what would you? What would you start like? What do you ask them first?
Speaker 2so I'll tell you so. First of all, while we talked about my chapter as an artist, it wasn't the only thing I did, so. My formal education was I was a communications major, so most of my career, when I wasn't doing music was as a communications professional, orbiting every aspect of communications, pr, publicity, community relations, corporate relations, public affairs, anything around PR, and so that's my core area of expertise. However, I did that at the C-suite level, so I was always a direct report to CEOs, and so my orientation was, and is, very different than I guess you could say, my competition or the people in my industry, and let me explain what I mean by that.
Speaker 2Usually, if you come to a PR person, people say they're expecting me to do their media. In fact, a person came to me today, a prospective client, we've reached this plateau and they were expecting me to do their media. In fact, a person came to me today, our prospective client, we've reached this plateau, um, and, and they were very successful, very competent, what they do, and you know we, we want media. Okay, why? Right, so so media. You know, a lot of people think I want to make this artist famous, and they said like, for example and they this is a real life example. They said, well, like, look at banksy, banksy, super famous, he's doing these capers, right, and so therefore his art sells for huge amounts of money. And I said, ok, right, so that may or may not work for your brand. Making somebody famous isn't really an end, unless it's a means to an end or a part of a strategy. And that applies to all media, which is literally in my PR or communications tool belt. It's like it's one tool in my little bat utility belt. And even then I would go what are you trying to like? If you said, derek, can you get a bunch of media on me? I go, what are you trying to accomplish? Like I could get you on the cover tomorrow of a magazine, but what are you trying to? So, so, to back up, what separates me is there are three skill sets that I used to intentionally try to keep them siloed because I thought, oh, these don't belong together. And that's I'm expert at communications, I'm expert at strategic partnerships and I'm expert at live events. So I used to just say promote, I have a live events company, I have a PR. Eventually, I just merged them all because I realized I have the same orientation with all of them, which is basically since I came out of the corporate space.
Speaker 2It's not to make somebody famous, I only work for CEOs, and this is a true story. It happened when I was 22. I got my ass handed to me by a CEO who wasn't a client this is my boss and basically the metric because I was brand new, brand new publicist or brand new PR person. I wasn't a publicist this is in the tech sector and I had this person on the cover. I'm telling you of everything I'm not kidding Alexa like everything Inc and the local mags the early time, and like just everything. And I was. This is my metric. And then he pulled me into his office and just ripped me and said I don't give a crap what I'm on the cover of, where's the inquiries or the new business, and that, like, literally set my entire career trajectory in a different direction. So, in other words, the end goal wasn't to be in all these magazines, to be on the cover of all these things. The end goal for him of all that PR was an inquiry for his products or services. Right, and I know that sounds really simple, but that's not how people think. So that changed all my PR from there on out.
Speaker 2So it's like, if so for my clients, my orientation is if I'm doing communications or PR or strategic partnerships or even a live event, I try to merge all three, like in a campaign. I either want to create more revenue for that person or more market share for that person. If it's not revenue, market share and that's my orientation or if it's a smaller goal of that brand or company, it might be to achieve a specific objective. Like I want to make this artist so well known that they get a record deal. But it still is objective based. So in other words, I'm not going to go make them famous, they go. We want the record deal, in which case I go what record company? What kind of artists do they sign Right Like? Who have they signed? Who signed them? And then all that media.
Speaker 2Everything, or all the three pillars that I would do are to get that objective. But ultimately it's more revenue, more market share or some objective. It's never fame, it's never the cover of something, because it's just it's too small. It's never the cover of something because it's just it's too small. Think it's very myopic. That's kind of what separates me apart, and it isn't so much it's what separates me from the competition, because LA is so huge and since COVID I have clients in London and Spain, like it's opened things up. But it's just, that's my flavor, if you will, or my, my differentiator. That's my flavor, if you will, or my, my differentiator, and it's and and it and I, and I price it accordingly, meaning I connect myself to the results.
Speaker 2So I'm not just going to go here's your 20 grand a month retainer Did my best, I'm going to, really I'm going to, I'm going to go for these things so that, to answer your question of what would I ask them first?
Speaker 2So that's my orientation More, more revenue, more market share or some objective of the brand or company or nonprofit or celebrity or client. Then I would go all right, so what are your goals? And then I would look at what are the most creative ways I can accomplish that. I can go, I could probably put together some pretty kick-butt strategic partnerships that I think could really help get you there, and then we'll do a media campaign along with that, because we need to build a slow buzz on you, and then you know, we could probably do a live event that could really generate some attention to that, and I try to. You know that's kind of. I found a way to take all three of my passions and to use them sort of like three weapons, three tools, whatever you want to call them. So that's my orientation is very different.
Speaker 1Most people hear PR agency and in most cases it's just they're going to get you publicity yeah, yeah, and I love what you said because I think and you can tell me if you're getting the same type of vibe sometimes say that somebody comes in and wants to work with you. I've had many of them. They come to work with me and then I really see that they've got some way to go, that they're not quite ready. You know it's like like somebody says, yeah, I want to be, you know, selling out, you know 50,000 people, arenas, and then you know they haven't even been able to have a why or a mission or a life statement about what they represent authentically with the art, in order to get to have people feel a certain way, so that they can actually feel out the 50,000. What do you do when something like that happens? Do you just tell them, sorry, you're not ready, I'm not, I'm not the person for you, or do you help them, maybe in the process to get them?
Navigating Toxic Personalities in the Industry
Speaker 2to themselves a little more, I cut you off. I'm sorry. There's two things that I do To understand themselves a little more. Sorry, I cut you off. I'm sorry, there's two things that I do. So I was raised by two New Yorkers, which is very different than being raised by LA people. Culturally, new Yorkers believe they embrace everybody. They're so crammed together in a big sardine can in New York that it's like every color, culture, race, creed, socioeconomic, demographic. So, like a good New York party is a real mixture of that. La is very hierarchical you and I discussed this over lunch meaning people don't like to socialize or entertain beneath what they consider their status level and I'm not saying it's right or wrong, I'm just saying it is.
Speaker 2It's a very career-focused community because it's filled with so many independent contractors that are in and out of work. So I referenced my parents in that, because I saw how they talk to people of all walks of life across my whole life. My default setting is that everybody is important and everybody is a king or queen in some corner, and I truly believe that with conviction, because that's the way that I was raised and I learned to just have an appreciation for people. So how that ties into your question. If like, let's just say like, and this has happened a struggling artist comes to me, so I don't want to. I, first off, I don't want to crop on anybody's dreams. There's enough people out there doing that. So I want to encourage someone's dreams. I have to vet them and go.
Speaker 2Okay, that's not a viable client for me, so, but I'm not going to do it in a rude manner, I'm going to go. I'm probably not the best match for you and then I'm going to try to be of service. And I generally try to be of service of anybody that comes to me ever, whether it's casually, whether it's a prospective client, but I always try to be of service. So if it were that artist like you would say, I would say listen, here's some suggestions for you that you know that may and I hope this might be of assistance to you. I might not be a right match for you, but here's some things that I think you can do right now that can help you move you along, and I might also introduce them to others that I think might help their career. This is assuming that they're talented at what they do, a good person, they're authentic, they're wearing their heart on their sleeve, they're not just doing the grind in an insincere schmoozy kind of a way, right? So I always try to help the person that's in front of me, including this person. Like today.
Speaker 2I'm not going to accept them as a client, but I was thinking, okay, here's what I can offer them that I know is going to help them. But I know that they're not viable enough for me to take them on into my roster. So that's what I do. I always help, but if, in the point of prospecting them, they're viable, I go. I'm going to take that on because it makes sense for business. Even if I wanted to take them on, I go. It's just not a good use of of my time from a business perspective with little kids and a wife and a mortgage and a lifestyle.
Speaker 1Yeah, yeah, because you got to trust some boundaries. I mean ultimately, and and I get that all the time People assume that people like yourself or me they're just sitting around swimming in the millions of dollars and we have nothing to do but help everybody. Because we are natural empaths and we're natural open. And I love what you said about the modern day wife that you and I just discussed before we pushed the record button. It's like who is the boss is the audience. So, for me, what excites me?
Speaker 1To see a filmmaker, you know a brand, a company that does something, that speaks to somebody out there, and you know, as a result of that, then we'll have some mindset shift, then we'll look at the world in a better place. So I always have to think at those people. So if we can help those vessels, those vessels of good sail, off and do what they're supposed to do, then that's a great win for both of you and I. But at the same time, we have to pick and choose right. And then we also talked about toxic personalities. People are in this for the wrong reason or they are surrounded by poor advice and then, as a result of that, every time you try to tell them a way to go, they're going to second guess it, because they have voices in their circles that don't necessarily have their best interest. Who do you think is the most vulnerable to those? Quote toxic personalities.
Speaker 2So whether you want to call somebody a toxic personality, passive-aggressive there's a lot of terms out there Anybody is vulnerable to it. I think the people that are targeted the most by those personalities are artists, and let me explain why I feel that way. And let me explain why I feel that way. Success monetarily doesn't necessarily mean happiness. But if you notice, people gravitate around artists, and I mean all kinds of artists, people that are aesthetic. Somebody could be living life beautifully, but I really do mean traditional artists. But you also have spouses who are unbelievably aesthetic.
Speaker 2Personalities add beauty to their environment, raise people's spirits. So artists or I'll just say an artistic personality, that's a better. Artistic personalities innately raise people's spirits around them. They're full of more life. It's as if, like as if artistic personality just came off the assembly line different they just did. Bill Gates is not an artistic personality. No offense to Bill Gates, right, but you know there is a million people that we can name where you go. That is definitely an artistic personality and people gravitate to them. That you know they because, again, they raise spirits, they bring joy, they add creativity.
Speaker 2Well, toxic personalities feed off of that. They feed off of that for their own survival, for their own life force. I've also heard the term vampire personata, like they suck off the life force of other people. So I feel that because artists uniquely bring so much of that, they attract that like a bug goes to a bug light, whereas and that isn't to say that you won't see those around business people or others. But I feel that the artists are the most vulnerable, which is why they have to be really careful about who they choose and they need to look, not listen, you know at at who, the, and and and. It takes courage sometimes because you might have a very where it gets. I've had this happen with friends. This is where it gets really, really tricky in Hollywood. You could have a toxic personality who might be in a very key position that you have no choice but to deal with that person like an agent or something. So that's where it gets the trickiest. But at least in interpersonal relations or charting your company, you want to remove those people.
Speaker 2I'll leave the client's name out for confidentiality, but I just ran a big, huge event and there was basically two very negative talk to personalities. They were bringing the group down. There was a complaint from the attendees and I just said get rid of them. And they said but I go, there's just no buzz, my boss is the attendee. I work for your attendees, that's my boss. If these people are pissing off my boss, they got to go, because if my boss is upset, I have an unsuccessful event and I'm not employed. So once you write. So I just said, get rid of them. And they did. And the next event they were like oh, it's just so much better, it flows better. They're not sucking off the life force of the attendees or the fellow people around them.
Speaker 2So, even though it seems like a subject that you see a lot of influencers or people talking about, whether spiritually, religiously or otherwise, it's really, really true, and I think it's more pronounced in Los Angeles and New York than anywhere else because of the amount of artists. That's just my opinion, but I agree with you. It's something to watch out for. I've had to learn that lesson the hard way and now I run a hard line Like I really do. You know, my wife and I jokingly, across COVID, we had what we called layoffs. There were just some people that we just went. You know what? Wow, we're just going to kind of do some friend layoffs, because where we're at at this point in our life, we represent something different and we're about our future and we're more interested in coming in the same orbit or life with people that are about that.
Speaker 1Yes, yes, it's so true, and you know it's interesting because one of the things that I've noticed for myself, it's been a huge life lesson and I always look at that. Even with prospective clients, with friends, with people that align myself, I always say the biggest indicator of people that are not your tribe because they say, you know, your tribe is your vibe, or whatever the saying is is watch the people who are not clapping when something good is happening for you and and it's it's. It's really telling. I've had clients in the past or artists that I really, really believed in and then I would see them not happy when another client was doing better than they were, for example. That was a huge telling sign because really, those energy vampires, as you call them, or whatever you want to call them, they can handle when other people are having a great life and are successful. There is something like in them, wired in them, that will not, will not accept that.
Speaker 2That's really valuable. Right how many is that.
Speaker 1Yeah, it is so important, and I think it was Leonardo DiCaprio. I don't want to even steal his quote, but he actually said that, like you know, watch those that are not clapping when you're having a successful time. It's very easy to have like those fair weather friends who are going to be there and then they go oh, you're having a hard time, oh, I'm there for you, I sympathize for you, I. There is a saying it's lonely at the top. There is a reason why they say right.
Speaker 1I mean, it's not we don't want to agree blanket agree to the statement, but it is true. You're going to be more selected because you're going to find, as you're rising up, it's going to be less and less people who are going to be there going. I am so happy for you. I you know why. There's room for everything, there's room for everybody. I would say yeah.
Speaker 1There can be another 10 modern day wife brands that they're doing the same thing, but you can't just spend your time looking at what the other person is doing and why they're doing it this way and how can I, why am I not doing it this way? You just have to stay in your lane and know what you want to do, because there will be 10 modern day wives.
Speaker 1There will be 10. Alexis, there will be 10. Well, maybe not you and I are kind of one of a kind but a little self self-aggrandizement here but there will be others and I would say if, if, if you can't applaud me or celebrate me, or if I can applaud and celebrate, then I need to do some journaling, I need to do some introspect. They know that I will be a toxic personality because I'm not clearly, but maybe there is a reason why and maybe it could be. I have my own issues and if I have my own issues and I need to work out like, what are my issues?
Recognizing Tell-Tale Signs of Discomfort
Speaker 2Because we should be able to celebrate other people there's plenty, I agree, and that's why I said I don't even view my friends even as frenemies, because we all help each other. To me it's like musicians just what flavor do you like? But to back up on what you said, I like what you said. I'm going to use that. Here's my tell on how to spot whatever you want to call it vampire personality, toxic, passive, aggressive and it's nice because I it ties into what you said, which is you know, you, you, you feel on top of the world, you're doing well and you're after somebody leaves or you're around them, or you had a conversation and then you might this could be a friend, could be a manager, it could be anybody all of a sudden, for no reason, and you can't assign anything to it. You feel introverted, like like, you just feel a little smaller, or maybe I can't do that, or you don't know why. You just feel a little bit less. It's just this subtle, but but it's tangible, because the reverse of it would be if you come into somebody who's very much a social personality, who just wants to help you, and see, you do all like like, I got somebody I want you to meet, you guys are going to hit it off. You're going to do great business together, right, and and it's not always the reasongressive is used as a term, it's not always obvious like it could be especially uh, like, um, like, like, oh, lexi, that blouse is so cute, I love that. You wore that at can last year, didn't you? I love it, right. And then, oh, my god, give me a kiss, I'll see you tonight at the dinner, right. And then we leave and they're like, oh, it's so great to see derek. And then you're, and then you don't know where, you don't have a connection.
Speaker 2So when you go, is this old, am I out of fact? Like all of a sudden you're introverted, you can't, and it was just so subtle, something like that. Like so effing creepy subtle. This is my toe. So it's not that I'm always.
Speaker 2I lean in the direction of being more trusting than not trusting of people. But if I'm around people or I'm in an environment and all of a sudden I feel small, or maybe I'm not so good, or or, or, or I'm, or I'm introverted, my attention is inwards, I start to like, oh, wait a minute, who was I just around? Or what was the? The little and it's never overt. Overt. Is New York? Like hey, if you're an asshole, like okay, I didn't, I don't like your steak, at least you know where you stand doesn't necessarily mean they're right. That's my tell and it really ties into what you said. Like who's not clapping when you're successful? Because it's this quiet, what you just made is no good, and you might go oh, they're not even clapping. Maybe this wasn't good, maybe I did the wrong thing, maybe I shouldn't produce this movie. Like that's my tell, which ties really nicely into yours.
Speaker 1Yes, oh, I love that. I'm going to be using that as well. I know it's an awful way. You kind of you almost feel like you have to justify yourself or you need to go the extra mile to prove that you are something you know. Like you have to, oh, did you? Because somebody's just staring at you and there's like a blind face. And then you're feeling like you have to say more to compensate and you're going, like you said, I'm so uncomfortable and here I am trying to say, yeah, but you know I do this, and then it's like nothing, and yet what's wrong with me? And then you go, I, I do this and you're trying to overcompensate, and that's also another thing where I'm going. Why am I being so uncomfortable? Why am I blabbering on? Why am I speaking about something that's non-sequitur? Like you will notice it in your body, you will notice that your manner is, like you said. It's interesting.
Speaker 1I was at the Toronto Film Festival with a girlfriend of mine and she comes from that whole Tony Robbins world and whatever and she came to visit me and I went to meet this very big person, very big financier, and I was just asking him, like what it would take to do business with them. And I wasn't asking for myself, it was asking for. I said maybe there could be a lead for a client. And the attitude, the way that I was addressed. You know I didn't notice it at the moment, but my friend did and she said you know, I started being smaller.
Speaker 1My body language shifted. I started going a little bit like this and then going oh, I know you're busy, like I'm not going to take up too much of your time, and almost like making him right for telling me all the reasons why I should be doing business with you, because I'm like too small. And I was like almost making him fry for that. And then when I walked away, I didn't realize it that I was doing it. And then she said to me she says did you notice your body language? I really saw you shrink. I saw you shrink. You're always this big bubbly personality. And I saw you shrink. I was like, oh crap. And that's why people need like people like Derek or like Alexia, because we can notice those things and we notice them about ourselves. Having a sense of introspection is the most valuable thing that anybody can ever have.
Speaker 2I agree.
Speaker 1Right.
Introspection and Self-Audit in Events
Speaker 2I agree. To this day, I get coached. I reached out to a former CEO who's a mentor of mine and he had some incredible things to say, and he said I'm blown away at the humility that you have to be coached. And I said I want to be better. It's not about I said I got all the attention off me when I was on stage as a musician. I don't need the applause, I need to be better, right, and. But that requires being willing to look at yourself, of how you can improve.
Speaker 2In in the hospitality field, which I'm trained in, they call that an excellence reflex, where you always want to have excellence, and the example that they give if you, if, if you're the kind of person that has this ability or wants to be better is to say, like in hospitality, if you, if you're a restaurateur and you and you walk by a table and the salt and pepper aren't perfectly placed or they're not centered, you can't stop yourself. You're going to fix it right. So with my events, I'm that way and I'm that way in general. I'm always looking, looking to be better, and I really am. And that requires being introspective, being willing to look at your own faults After every event that I do, including the ones that you've attended. You don't know this I do.
Speaker 2A postmortem is what we call it. It's an actual term, it comes from a terrible term, but the term is called a postmortem report. Terrible term, but the term is called a postmortem report. But basically I'll look, I'll look backwards at the event and have all my team keeping notes at the event of, like, what went right and what went wrong, and and the main thing is, is in their, in their top level points, the things that are important what went right, because they want to strengthen it, but also what went wrong, that that doesn't occur again, because I don't want it to repeat. And that requires introspection. When I talked to my team, I said nobody's being called out here. I'm not jumping on anybody's throat, I'm not invalidating you, I'm not telling you. I said this is because our boss is the attendees and if we blew this, then we blew it for our boss. So we want next time it to be amazing, right. And so in that mindset, we go okay, good, here's what happened. Ok, good, what did you observe? All right, how can we organize it better or make it better, make it smoother, so that the next time it's not no-transcript success. You succeed, I succeed.
Speaker 2So, to your point, introspection isn't a bad thing if you're doing it with a production, a productive intention, is very different than when somebody introverts you and the introspection is like you're smaller, like you said, and everybody's experienced that, but again that's. But just just even feeling introspected as different from knowingly that's again, that's my tower. I go. Who's around me?
Speaker 2I've actually seen that with friends who were in a really bad relationship, like, like I know, if somebody was beautiful and talented and embodied in themselves and their looks and as a business woman, I'm like where is this coming from? Like, if I hear this again, I'm gonna smack you. Like where is this coming from? Is this your spouse, your boyfriend? Like where this doesn't, none of these things add up coming out of your mouth and so, like I said, said you know, I, I instantly know that like somebody's around them anyway, not to belabor that point, but it's an important point. At least it's an important point in this town or hollywood, or if you're an artist, even though it applies to relationships, because it'll kill you, because you start to go maybe my dream's not worth it and I'm not done. I've got huge dreams. I pull off things, things, people go, why I go?
Speaker 1okay, it's great, but you know, you just said and I love when you were talking about this introspection factor and almost like I call it do it an audit. I would probably do it an audit Do what? Doing an audit.
Speaker 1Oh, like a self-audit, yeah like an audit of, like, the situation and just kind of like a post-mortem, because you and I believe there's this, this triangle that has to do with you know, knowledge, control and responsibility, and they're all very interconnected, right? So you want to control your life, you want to contribute not that we have to be, you know, control freaks, but you want to be able to have a level of control of your right, of your life, your event, your career. Then you have to constantly seek knowledge and you constantly have to have a sense of self-responsibility, which is, as you call it, introspection. To see, it's not a blaming yourself, it's not a going, oh, I fucked up, I'm a loser, I'm a disgrace, but it's more like, what can I do better? You know how did that slip from my hands?
Speaker 1And, by the way, you got control down and you got the responsibility down because, people, I was at an event recently of the modern day, wife and I needed my swag bag and I had to leave. And I'm seeing Derek who's running, 2,000 plus people showing up at this day, and I'm like Derek, I need a swag bag. Like, I kid you not, he just like in the, in the middle of running an event, somehow he found a way to move me through a back alley, through a back way, get into a truck, get me my swag so that I could go up while running this event of thousands of people. And that's where it all comes from. It's knowing how to control, how to have responsibility and divide it. You know, and for sure, but just agree.
Speaker 2Just to be clear beneath that, it wasn't just like a tagline when I say I believe the attendees are my boss. It really is my philosophy. So you, you also happen to be a sponsor, but you're an attendee and I'm going. She has to go. She's a businesswoman, she clearly has to go. She wants her swag bag. It's the most desired thing.
Speaker 2So let's pretend for a second that you were the CEO of that whole organization and you came up to me and you made that communication to me. What am I going to do? Of course I'm going to do that. It really is my own personal philosophy. I didn't learn that from anybody, but I find that if you lead with that within reality, if you, I mean, I'm not going to stop directing on the stage, but but if you lead with that, I really believe it with conviction, that it creates a, an experience and goodwill and a word of mouth.
Speaker 2Um, and I agree, I had to have a lot of things in place to do that and I did, to your point, which nobody knew the reason why I, I I sent you down that little back alleyway was because I walked the entire hotel before anybody came, just in case I have an emergency or a celebrity, I have to get in and out from some unexpected entrance. I was like all right, meet me here. So there was a lot of things that led up to that tiny little simple moment, but it still boils down to that philosophy, what I told you, which is I operate that my attendees are my boss. I'm only doing that because you know what I mean, but I do appreciate the nod, the nod to that um so I was also a little vip.
Speaker 1It's so funny, like I not just I I went to this event for the america vespucci on friday. You know there was this full event with the Italian ship. You should have gone. It was amazing. But I was in the VIP list and then I couldn't get on the boat because there were maybe like 2,000 people. And then it became a joke with my girlfriend because she was like I thought you were VIP and so I started making fun of it and just going hashtag we are VIP and I just had fun anyway. I anyway I didn't have the boat. I don't have an ego. Yes, I would have loved to see it. I would have loved to skip the line. There were 2 000 people trying to get on it with tickets. I thought it would have been rude for me to show up with my pin. I am vip and just people are waiting in the heat. Okay, I'm still vip. So you know it's. It's. You know if you have a good sense of hearing about it.
Speaker 2It works out. I've seen really funny things in real life. Two actual examples that I've seen one with paul mccarty and one with beck. Where they came in because they were unannounced to like a back entrance and the guy was like like guy didn't know who paul mccarty was, gotta know who beck was. To their credit they had a great. They were like it's all good, brother, you know, to their credit, like anybody who's been around that long enough, fortunately, or they're just classy people. But the whole VIP thing is a really funny thing to navigate in Hollywood Stories for another day or round two. But it's a funny thing because I do a lot of VIP talent wrangling and there's a real art to it.
Speaker 1But it could be a whole silly podcast with a lot of very funny stories behind it I think this definitely calls for an episode too, because you know I could speak with you, but we could have a two-hour podcast and we wouldn't even realize that the time has gone by. I mean, yes, you're gonna have to come back because I am loving so much more, you know, taking things off script and not just going just with it. Of course, I love having my celebrity actors and directors and studio producers and telling me their stories about how they got a movie made or how they, you know, became famous, as you call it, but really it's about people like you, derek, that gets me excited, about people like you on my podcast, because you are VIP. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1You are VIP in your field and people need to know what your field represents, who you represent and what is your etiquette and what is your modus operandi to suit how you work. So I'm definitely going to be dropping off on the show notes all the links for anybody who needs event planning, pr, brand awareness. You know he's a man, you know derek is a man. And and in closing our fabulous little podcast, you know what I'm gonna ask you, because I told you at the beginning I never want to leave my guests unprepared. So you can do both. By the way, you can choose both of those you know, because it's all about abundance. So how do you define yourself in three words and a life mantra that you go to, not just in business but in life, to keep you sane.
Speaker 2I wasn't prepared for how do I describe myself in three words? But I would say myself in three words, but I would say um bold, mischievous, competent um, as far as uh, what was the other one?
Speaker 1my mantra or my motto?
Speaker 2life mantra, yeah, life motto, or something I don't know about my life motto, but this is what I for my events team, in particular, my events the smallest event I do is 150 people. The largest I do was 120 000 people, just to give you a context. So I have to train my staff to handle a lot when I know things are going to break. So this I did write down. So I've talked about this in a few places, but this is this is my motto, tagline mantra as a show producer. But I tell every one of my team leads to operate with this viewpoint in their area, whether they're over registration, ticketing, security, vip handling still use it. So it's three things and it's bring order, contain chaos, spread calm. And so since you see me on an event site, I am as calm as a Buddha and people always comment on it like things are just going like this and my walkie talkies are lighting up and whatever. And this and I'm always just so it's bring order, contain chaos, spread calm. And I tell my staff to do that.
Speaker 2So people are coming up like I go OK, tell me about it, ok, here's what we're going to do, and where I kind of co-opted that from observing, not from it's their thing is. I was watching first responder paramedics respond and I was looking at how they handle themselves. They come straight into a situation where everybody and I've observed so bring order, contain chaos and spread calm. That's literally my mantra as a show producer and that's why, when I'm on site, I've got a. My shows are organized to military level of precision, but then I something's always going to break, something unpredicted it could be. I've had this happen. The entire hotel wifi network goes down and so now none of our machines, none of our swipe, the whole vendor marketplace goes down. People's like right. So all of a sudden the whole show's freaking out.
Speaker 2So there's a great example where I have to bring order, contain chaos, spread calm. My staff radios me dah, dah, dah, dah, gone, done. I said, okay, good, thank you very much. Please get me the GM on the line right now. The entire hotel. I need him in the next two minutes. Connect him up on this cell phone number, you know. And then I do that, and because I react that way, they react in term and then we just contain it, right. So that's my literally how I train my staff. I say, if you remember nothing else besides what it is that you do, bring order, contain chaos and spread calm, and that one I did write down because that's what I train my staff on. But it really is unusual and that's what works for my events.
Speaker 1Or if you're an executive, that sounds also like a full-on life mantra. Obviously, that's brilliant. This is your audiogram right there. This is your quote for your, for your beautiful picture when we do this. Okay, yeah, I love that. You know. Tarik the vet on bringing, bringing order in order contain chaos spreading right in town perfect ending to this podcast.
Speaker 1Thank you so much, my friend. I'm so glad we reconnected, that you came on my podcast, that you gave so much of yourself, that you offer so much wisdom, so much joy and so much hope and ease and grace and lightness, because this is what it's about. So I look forward to our next.
Building Community Through Social Media
Speaker 2Thank you for having me I'm truly honored and for anybody watching, if this has been a value. Thank you for having me I'm truly honored, and for anybody watching, if this has been a value. Reach out to Ben. Social media I love, love, genuinely love meeting new people, making new friends all over the map, anywhere, anybody who does anything, so I would be honored to meet you guys as well. There's this sort of virtual audience that you don't get to go. Hey, thanks for having me everybody, but it's been really, really fun and if you want to be in touch, she'll put all the links.
Speaker 1That's next. You're gonna help me produce my live show next, and then we'll have plenty of audience you're on I'll be running it seamlessly because you'll be bringing on an order, managing chaos and spreading calm.
Speaker 2So there you go done.
Speaker 1Everybody who loved this episode please subscribe, rate and review. I don't need to stress that enough. I made zero dollars for now off of this podcast and for me it gives me so much joy and it puts a smile on my face it always smiles anyway to know that I did something to brighten your day today. So thank you for being my guest and to the next episode. Stay tuned, there will be more fun people coming on. Bye podcast player. If you have any questions or comments or feedback for us, you can reach me directly at theheartofshowbusinesscom.