How to have a long and Happy Marriage | DR Micheal and Dr Barbara

Dr. Barbara R. Grossman uses her intuition and experience developed over forty years and 70,000 hours of counseling individuals and couples. She is a master at seeing a couple and knowing the next steps needed for their successful journey together.

Dr. Michael J. Grossman is an M.D., #1 best-selling author, a fellow of the American Academy of Anti-Aging Medicine, and an integrative- regenerative medicine and meditation expert. His office specializes in reversing the aging process.


Dr. Michael is the author of five books:

The Vitality Connection: Ten Practical Ways to Optimize Health and Reverse the Aging Process

The Magic of Stem Cells: Awakening Your Healing Power.

Secrets to Deep and Effortless Meditation: Revealing the Treasures Within



Together with his wife, Dr. Barbara, they have authored:

The Marriage Map: The Road to Transforming Your Marriage from Ordeal to Adventure.

Ageless Love: The Sexy Science of Falling in Love Forever



Michael and Barbara are competitive ballroom dancers. They have two married daughters and seven grandchildren.


For over twenty-five years, Drs. Michael and Barbara Grossman have taught thousands of couples practical skills to create a fulfilling romantic partnership. They have TV appearances on CBS, NBC, Fox, and CW. Tune in to this powerful interview to discover the secrets to having a fulfilling long-term romantic partnership with a genuine love that lasts forever through all the phases of life.


Website: 
You can contact Barbara and Michael through their website:  www.OCWellness.com.

For lectures and appearances, contact them at: https://fallinginloveforever.com/

Transcript

Dr Michael: 1:08

Yeah. Yeah, we

Dr Barbara: 1:09

have one of our dance studios is out there.

Josh Bolton: 1:11

Oh, wow. I was Monrovia. Monrovia Yeah, that's not fair, either. Right. That's awesome. So do you guys like salsa? Or is it like, are you Bart?

Dr Barbara: 1:24

Were amateur ballroom dancers. We compete all around the country.

Josh Bolton: 1:29

Oh, better than me. Like, I'm not I don't have the best hand eye coordination. Because dancing.

Dr Barbara: 1:36

You can check lessons. It's a great way to meet women.

Josh Bolton: 1:40

I'm gonna have to take note of that

Dr Barbara: 1:46

I recommend young people to follow their interests and they'll meet people who are share common interests. And you know, do things in groups that represent what you like doing.

Josh Bolton: 1:57

Okay. That means I had to start doing group activities then.

Dr Barbara: 2:03

And you'll you know, you'll meet new people. It could be it could further your work project as well. There's, there's there's it's not a waste of time to network, and learning something new and potentially meeting lovely woman.

Josh Bolton: 2:15

Yes, yeah. Most of my life, the reason I've learned to just be an outcast and a loner is long, tragic story. We don't want to get into it. Essentially, I was bullied most of my life and picked on for my weight and everything. So I got used to being alone. And that's where I picked up sports like martial arts and stuff like that, where more alone, I didn't have to deal with other people. But now it's kind of the I need to start learning how to interact with people.

Dr Barbara: 2:44

It's time to expand your strategies and your opportunities.

Unknown: 2:48

So what

Josh Bolton: 2:50

did you to specifically specialize in for when you're getting your doctor doctoral degree?

Dr Michael: 2:56

Well, I'm a longevity anti aging doctor. So I've been a physician since 1974. But exclusively since 2003. That's what I do. And Dr. Barbara's a marriage counselor.

Dr Barbara: 3:14

So I have a degree. I have a PhD in theology from the School of Theology at Claremont. And I also have a psychology degree. So I, I'm licensed as an individual marriage and family counselor.

Josh Bolton: 3:28

I see interesting combination you picked for degrees.

Dr Michael: 3:32

Yeah, I've been teaching meditation for 40 years. So it overlaps with Dr. Barbers interests. So we have many common interests. And so now what we've done is that we combine our interests together. So we've written two books. One book we wrote two years ago, the marriage map the road to transforming your marriage from ordeal to adventure. And the newest book is called the ageless love the sexy science of falling in love forever. So we have three portions of that book. First section is all about the psychology of romance, how it works, what you have to know about understand about

Dr Barbara: 4:12

it. Also the physics of love how quantum mechanics teaches us about how to be in relationship.

Josh Bolton: 4:18

Whoo, that's interesting. We're definitely getting into that then. Yeah, that's

Dr Michael: 4:21

the first chapter. The first section The second section is on. Longevity and how to keep passion and and romantic excitement going on in your life, which is what I do as a longevity doctor, we use all kinds of wild tentacle hormones stem cells are the kind of procedures to keep you young and youthful, no matter what your age were 72 and 71. And we're very intense into our ballroom dancing so we we practice what we preach. And and then the third chapter is on The spirit of this mind, body and the spirit of spirit, we talk a lot about meditation. And, and learning to be in this calm, peaceful state. And that takes time to reset your body to get out of the intensity. And so we talk a lot about that. And that third section

Josh Bolton: 5:22

has interesting, very interesting, I like how she mentioned quantum side of it. But from my studies, and I'm an amateur, I don't have a PhD like YouTube, but it seems like science almost tries to prove that the soul doesn't exist, from what I can understand. Well, that

Dr Michael: 5:41

was, that was the science of the 1900s. Of, of 2000 plus 21st century, is totally the opposite. And so it's kind of interesting how that's happened over the years. You know, Einstein began to shake everything up and saying that space and time were not constant. If you go to speed, the light, time stops. And now we have all kinds of new understanding about how the universe came into being that there was something there before time and space God established. And when you deal with something there before time and space got established, it's like, well, what could that be? And so you have to start looking at what's beyond time and space. Well, that sounds pretty religious, you know. And so they're not teaching that in the schools, the school is still in the 1900s when you go to school, but the scientists are like, you know, so many scientists become religious now. And in our book, we talk about particle and wave nature. So we know that all small particles like light, like a photon of light, or an electron, could be a particle or a wave. And what determines whether it's a particle wave is the consciousness of whoever's looking at it, you can change an electron from being a particle to way by looking at it. Now that's like, what? Yeah, I

Josh Bolton: 7:18

was like, Wait, I've never heard that one before. That in

Dr Michael: 7:20

school consciousness can affect these physical particles, and it changes them from being a wave, unbounded to focus and becoming a particle. And that's what happens in relationships, you can change the people in life from being a wave, where they're just feeling unbounded and lovely to for getting angry, getting upset, and they and you both become particles.

Dr Barbara: 7:49

Okay. And you feel awful. That means we're much more creative than we know, we have far more power in our lives than we have ever conceptualized

Josh Bolton: 8:00

that I agree with 100%. Like, I know a lot of people not like the power of law of attraction and like, positive thinking, but I, I tell people, Mike, our brain as much as we, like, oh, it's in our school, and like, it's really just more of like a conductor, the real brain is electricity going through it?

Dr Michael: 8:20

Well, it's not even the electric electricity, it's even more it is the soul is what is there, and it's limited by the brain, in terms of what it can do. And we have a left brain and right brain. And now there's a whole new knowledge about left and right brain, your right brain is very, very, looking at the big picture, your left brain is looking at little pieces, like on the computer trying to analyze the data. And most of us, unfortunately, particularly the young people are so used to computers that they're focused on their, their, one side of their left brain, where, where they're there, they're

Dr Barbara: 9:11

just over focused on particles. Yeah,

Dr Michael: 9:13

and the whole life is focused on particles, whereas they don't use the right brain to see the big picture. And that's a it's a huge problem for

Dr Barbara: 9:22

effects, emotional development and ability to connect with someone and, and see the big picture of lives that you can, you know, move forward with a vision and purpose and, and feel satisfied by life.

Dr Michael: 9:36

Yeah. So that's a real important thing. And in order to do relationship properly, you have to be in the big picture. You have to be in the big picture. Because if you're just in a little picture, it's just overwhelming. And and so part of what we teach is how to stay in the big picture. So in a relationship, if you're able to communicate with your partner, your way To share with them and listen to them. That's a real critical skill. And we don't really learn that in school, we don't learn that in our lives. And if until we do learn it, relationships become very, very difficult. It's easy to fall in love. Because when that big picture, then you just imagine, it's just the most wonderful person and you just had that, but that doesn't last and you get into the little, the details, you know, you're together for a while. And it changes how you feel about your partner. And it's very, very important to have a skill of listening. So we teach secrets, the formula for air, but one of the big secrets is, if you're not listening, without interrupting, then you're not really listening. So you got to really listen to your partner, you're not arguing with them, you're not trying to convince them that you're right, and they're wrong. You're, you're just simply listening to their big picture of how they see the world. It's different than your big picture. And listen to it don't don't get into the details of arguing and proving them wrong.

Josh Bolton: 11:08

Interesting. Yeah, obviously, kinda like this, I was waiting for you, as the when you say an eruptive, like, I want you to revved up like, wait, no, you're wrong. But no, it's very true. That, that's one of those things. Like, for me, I just always listen, I always like talking to so if I don't hear the whole story, it's kind of hard for me to keep communicating with people didn't realize that was the whole skill set, people have forgotten, I guess,

Dr Michael: 11:37

were never learned or never learned.

Josh Bolton: 11:40

I like that term better.

Dr Barbara: 11:41

It might be easier to listen to someone, when you don't have an investment in the relationship. I think that's why people bond in the first place. But once you know, you, you get connected and you're, you're committed to each other and you have to deal with money and children and personal goals and your, your, you know, how you how you were raised, and what's important to you that comes up with commitment, because you've you've been raised with a specific mom and dad or you had relationships with your siblings in a certain way, it all comes crashing down into and, and you have an opportunity to re you know, relook at all of that and resolve that and really develop a mature relationship.

Josh Bolton: 12:26

So what are some of the steps you to have figured out on that note on figuring those steps out? Are you taping, by the way? It is? I figured out a good point to cut it. Okay.

Dr Barbara: 12:40

Well, you know, we're like every other couple, we fell in love and, and then we got into real life. And we came up against the conflicts of what each of us wanted. And, and, you know, we, you know, we fought a lot like most couples, and it was something we call it a power struggle, because I wanted what I wanted, and Michael wanted what he wanted. And we had some really very special mentors along the way that helped us, you know, understand each other and really respect the logic of each other's realities. And, you know, as close as we are, we come we both come from New York, we have we come from the same religion we have, you know, we have we, we line up in all those areas, but we are very different. And a lot of what makes us different is one of us is a man and one of us is a woman. So, you know, we were up against it. And gradually we, you know, we hurt each other and we we made decisions that connected our interests and desires with each other. And, you know, it took a while but you know, we're, I'm very happy.

Dr Michael: 13:51

That's good. One of the things we talked about in our first book, and somewhat in the second book is, is the movement that occurs over a lifetime, that you constantly move back every five years or 10 years from one, phase two another. So one phase is being very close to the people around you that you feel really connected. And then the next phase is you feel more independent from people you want to be on your own. You want to have your own desires expressed. And you could look at it this is what Dr. Barber studied in her doctorate degree. And if you look at it, you start out being close with your mother. You're on the breast sucking on the breast and you're just very very intimate with mother. And you get to be too you say no, I'm feeling separate. I want it my way to your role. So how are very, you know, they want it their way and they don't like the rules. You get to be 567 And then you feel connected again. You love being part of the family. It's great. Get to be 13 You want to have a job way again, you're, you know everything. And then you get to be 25 or 30. And you're looking to be connected again, with with somebody, so to create your own new connection, new family, and you may have a family and may have had children, but then when you're 3545 years old, somewhere between there, you start feeling a desire to be more independent again. And this back and forth occurs, it's a natural thing. Don't think anything is bad happening, it's not, but you have to deal with it in your relationship. And you've got to have the skills of listening and sharing with each other so that you can do it in a way that minimizes the upsets, otherwise, you end up getting divorce, which is very common.

Dr Barbara: 15:45

So my practice is filled with couples where the wife is about 35 to 40. And she's awakened to her own goals and needs. And it's a big upset for a marriage.

Josh Bolton: 15:57

Yeah, yeah. I used to teach martial arts and one of them was, I would always joke with my instructor because we would have moms come in for the kids, you know, after school activity and all that. Keep them busy so they can get their nails done. But then the moms are like, Ooh, this is interesting. And it was around the 35 to 40 year old moms, they suddenly felt empowered. And this is a joke. I told my instructor. Yeah, we made money. But that was Ben didn't see it coming. But that divorce.

Dr Michael: 16:25

Right. Yeah,

Dr Barbara: 16:27

it's very confusing for a relationship. And it doesn't, it doesn't have to end up a bad story, it can, you can weave back your lives back together. But it's a different relationship. And you have to understand what's going on and be able to express yourself and it actually enriches the relationship, but you work through it.

Dr Michael: 16:48

And what we say about relationship is that the value of a romantic relationship is not to have a smooth, even experience of life. It's not the value of it. If you want to have a smooth enough relationship, just keep with yourself and just keep doing what you're doing. And don't change anything. Oh, get a dog. Right? Okay, the dog, right,

Josh Bolton: 17:10

the dog won't divorce you either.

Dr Michael: 17:13

So, in a romantic relationship, what it does, it constantly presses you to grow and develop, you constantly need additional skills, additional vision of what what the big picture of life is that keeps changing. And it's like a journey that makes you really grow and develop as a human being much more than just staying the same. And, and it's a wonderful experience. But it's not designed to be a smooth, easy ride. And that's why you need us to give you advice as to how to make it more easy. So we have courses and classes that we teach to our, our audience, we have a series of audio tapes, because Dr. Barber is so busy seeing patients who can't see any more people than she does. And we want to reach more people. And so we have a series of tapes that are audio tapes that are focused on the five challenges to romantic relationship. So So there are five different sorts of things that relate to parenting relate to sex relate to money, relate to feeling unimportant relate to arguing, and and, and these courses are things you do on your own with your partner, and you go through and learn these skills that will then change your life, change your relationship, and really make it easy for you to manage all these natural things that come up in romantic relationship over time. Interesting.

Josh Bolton: 18:48

So your something you said earlier was the five year cycle kind of thing. Else.

Dr Michael: 18:53

10 years? Yeah, it's not exactly five years five to

Josh Bolton: 18:57

go with like roughly eight then for me. But it's kind of interesting that that statement, you said the the five to 10 years were roughly eight when I noticed when a lot of the relationships, will you thought it was rock solid kind of shift to is there? Is there the add into hurt, hurt? Same? Is there a part of the quantum thing where something's being misaligned or not being used correctly?

Dr Barbara: 19:25

Well, you know, if I think the big change for most couples, okay. Men have a direction in their life earlier. So society tells them they need to find work. Women have this option to have children. And so for women, they wake up to their individuality, their adult individuality later. And that's what is the earthquake in a relationship they get. They get angry and resentful about all the things that haven't been supportive of them as an individual And retrospectively things that they've allowed because they were accommodating and nice. And that getting angry is, is a real bomb and a relationship, it's not productive. It hurts a man it, it scatters a woman. And most couples don't understand what's going on, so that it just wreaks a lot of havoc. And there's a transition time for the woman to really define what her her interests and purpose is that she can be creative in her life. And while that's happening, the relationship really suffers. And, you know, we, we articulate that those transitions so that couples don't take it personally, they understand what's happening, and they learn behaviors that support the relationship. You know, women need to take responsibility for how they know haven't spoken up for what they wanted, or haven't been heard. And they need to learn to talk properly, because men are far more sensitive than we women understand, we women can talk to each other real directly, and no kidding, you know, boldly. But when a woman talks to her man like that, that's not going to work. So there's a whole, you know, behavioral, you know, learning that has to take place, and eventually a woman, you know, comes into her own and feels good about it, and they can recreate their partnership and a whole new level. And that's when the the story is a success. We want that for couples, because over lifetime, we don't stay the same. And we you know, we want each partner to evolve and become their best selves. And but it is it is a big transition that is complicated, and needs to be understood properly and responded to properly.

Josh Bolton: 21:39

Yes, very true. I was just thinking, the hypothetical couple, I actually I know I'm gonna second say their names. But it, they started off great, they loved each other. He got a little too eager and got her pregnant too early in relationship. And they were still happy for the first five years with the kid. But recently, it's been really, really choppy. And I was just curious what your tube recommendation would be for them?

Dr Michael: 22:08

Well, you're not giving any specifics about what the choppiness is about.

Josh Bolton: 22:13

Businesses failing, the kid is being distant. The wife is more angry, and standoffish than usual.

Dr Michael: 22:20

Okay, so we have a whole class on parenting skills in need in parenting. And as the kid is getting older, you need to have both parents being clear about what the rules of the household are. And it's not an easy process. And it's a process that requires both parents to enforce the rules, children will obey whatever the rules are, eventually, if you catch them early, if you wait till they're 13, forget it, then it's over. You know, they're dealing with a huge, huge, big problem. But when you deal with a five year old, you can create the rules, it's much easier to create the rules when they're two and three, because they don't really remember all the enforcement, but when they're five, they start remembering, but you still you create the rules, both parents have to be totally in agreement to what the rules are, and both enforce the rules. And that's critical to the relationship on to the, for the parents,

Dr Barbara: 23:21

right. So parenting is a partnership project, a lot of women get overwhelmed by the requirements of parenting, and they they sacrifice their own interests, because parenting is such a, such a time and emotionally demanding project. And so the more the couple can be involved in parenting, and women can negotiate the kind of free time she needs to keep her own self develop, developing, that will serve the relationship as well as create a consistent framework for the, for the children to grow up and understand what's expected. And it's it takes a lot of, of, you know, being conscious and conscientious. And, you know, I think a lot of couples, ourselves included, by the way, you know, think it's sort of, you know, nature takes care of it, it's automatic, but it isn't automatic, you have to really be conscious of how you do

Dr Michael: 24:13

it. So we have some stories that when our kids were growing up, they would push Barbara around, and you know, they were stronger and bigger than her. And and we went to a program where I learned that I have to be immediately enforcing the rules. And that changed everything for the kids. They didn't like that at all. But they learned that now Dad was involved. You push your mother around, you're in big trouble. And here's the consequences. I don't get angry. You never get angry. Your children getting angry your children is a waste of time. You'll never get angry. You just simply say Nevertheless, this is the way it is. That's it and then then you have to enforce it and you never get angry and so when until you learn. So knowing that's the consequence, all right, and but you're not angry, once you're angry, then they're, then they feel like they have power. You don't want them.

Dr Barbara: 25:08

So in our, in our story, my version of it is, you know that having children was a time period where, until we learned, we Michael and I were very disconnected, I was totally absorbed and having children and you know, I have my own own desires for self expression and creativity in my life, and children are just a demanding challenge. And without Michael's help, they occupied my days and nights completely,

Dr Michael: 25:35

and the children love to set the parents off against each other, you know? Well, you know, if the dad is not supporting the mom, they just say, Well, I'm gonna, I'm gonna go to dad talking about that. And that's like a disaster for the relationship.

Josh Bolton: 25:51

And for the couple I'm talking about, that's exactly what's happening. The father is too demanding, actually. And he has a bit of a flash of a temper. He doesn't like rage, but you can tell his eyes flicker like he's going to hurt you. And put the mother so sympathetic, and it's just kind like, she's like, she has either spy boys, now she has to feed, take care and get rid of it, get rid of get to school. And then she because she wants more free time, she has to work for his company kind of thing. And the company is just consistently losing clients. So yeah, it was just one of the listening in my gap. Definitely, the father side needs to start listening to the at least the wife,

Dr Michael: 26:39

it's a group, yeah, it's, they both have to work together, work together and make agreements as to what the rules are of the household how things are going to work. And they have to agree to enforce it.

Dr Barbara: 26:50

And she needs to negotiate the time she needs for her own projects, and whether whether dad helps more, or they get help, but they need to think together about what works for the good of everybody in

Dr Michael: 27:00

the family. And we teach the parents, you don't negotiate with the children all together, if you if they want to make a new rule up for themselves that they want to stay out till whatever 11 o'clock at night, and they're right now have to be home at nine o'clock. And they want more time. The parents have to go into a separate room, and they talk with each other. And then they come out and say well, here's what we decided. And that's it. So you're only you're not able to use one parent against the other and in negotiation. Yes, that's very, very problematic.

Josh Bolton: 27:35

Yes. In general, when there's that kind of a disconnect, and anything, negotiations, parents, politics, everything, you need everyone on one page. So I'm curious, then, we're gonna be talking a lot about parenting. What if, and I know that's a very huge aspect of your relationship. And I'm presuming and part of your book too, first or second one.

Dr Michael: 28:01

So the parenting is not a big part of our books, we have a course on parenting, we have a course, people can go on ageless love quiz.com. And then you can see which one of these challenges are the one that affects you the most. And then you can get specific help for that. But in our book, we don't focus on that so much.

Josh Bolton: 28:25

Interesting. So then for the actual relationship aspect. I'm still trying to fathom this whole time the whole particle and wave theory, can you give me a more simpler version of that?

Dr Barbara: 28:38

Sure. Well, what interested sciences back in the day in the 40s, was that a scientist would look through their instruments and look at a wave, they would look at the wave, it would become a particle. And so the, the actual act of observing changes the nature of the wave. And what, what we observed is that in relationships, the way you talk to your partner, determines whether they're a wave or a particle. And so we essentially coach, we don't we don't necessarily talk about wave particle theory, but we talk about how to talk to each other in such a way that you are coming from your wave nature. Because you're you're you have a material existence, and you can behave like a wave or a particle, you have a choice, right? And we are coaching about communication represents behaving like a wave, because we believe that's the best way to be heard. And the best, best way to get the optimal response that you want.

Josh Bolton: 29:46

So, I'm just thinking on myself, I'm very, I like how you said, and women are very blunt with each other. I'm like that one dude. If I see it, I say it kind of thing and I don't have a filter at times. Um, I'm just thinking is that me being more confrontational, I guess, or a bad energy when interacting with people,

Dr Barbara: 30:11

that energy, but you're, and I understand that I'm from New York, I know how to do that I do that all the time. But and you know, it's a different thing to do that with men. I don't think that's a problem with so much with men, one man to another. But you know when you're when you're connecting and creating a romantic bond, it's more ideal to be a wave to share, to not be not have so much energy on what you want, because it creates opposition, just by the nature of the energy even if there isn't really total opposition, but you invite you know, whatever resistance is there to come forward. So, you know, your way of nature is an optimal way of being with other people.

Josh Bolton: 30:54

Okay? I'm just trying to pull from my little schemas in my head, would that be more positive, making them laugh, feel comfortable kind of thing. You're not asserting anything, you're just trying to make sure they're content and happy?

Dr Barbara: 31:12

Well, I mean, that's, that could be compromising yourself. It's more like sharing. It's more like asking for, you know, for what works or asking for information. It's more buoyant, it's more, it's like it's not pressured, not pressured speech, but you certainly can express your honest, you know, self and your true feelings, but it's, it's an unpressured self expression.

Josh Bolton: 31:37

Okay, now, I'm trying to get it. Thank you. Yeah, that makes more sense. So then, is that where the,

Dr Michael: 31:45

I could explain something that would be able to help you understand this, when when you can come from your right brain, which, which sees the big picture or the left brain, which is very, very specific and particle alized. So in animals, animals, every animal has a left and right brain, you know, originally, they didn't have any idea why that was. But now we sort of getting a bigger understanding so. So animals use their, their left brain to analyze, if you're a bird, let's say that little is that a seed or that a rock that you're going to eat? You don't want to eat a rock, but you do want to eat to see, so you're analyzing the details of what it is. And you're really focused on that the right brain is focused on what's going on around you, is there something going on, that could be a danger, some big birds gonna eat you or some cats going to eat you and you're not sure what's around you. But you're looking at the big picture, you're seeing the big picture of, of whatever is happening. And so being a particle is being in your left brain where you're trying to analyze the details,

Dr Barbara: 33:00

you're very focused, very focused. And that creates a certain pressure because you have a strong intention. And in relationship, and it creates a a pressure that doesn't always give you the results you expect.

Dr Michael: 33:14

And if you're in your right brain, you're open to things you don't know what's really rare. you're inquiring so it's like, you're not inquiring as to an animal trying to eat me. But you're you're inquiring as a housewife. For you. How does this work for you? How do you see this?

Dr Barbara: 33:28

This is what would work for me, I'd really appreciate this would make me happy. If you could do this. It's not. It's just not pressured.

Josh Bolton: 33:36

Right. Okay. That's interesting. So this is a another relationship. I know of. They, they were it was almost like they were teetering back and forth on sharing, but they never got to the details. Is that another dynamic they would need to work on? Like, they would be like, Oh, I did this, Oh, that's great. Well, I kind of did this too. And they just literally the whole relationship, they're still going and I'm like, personally, it doesn't feel like it's gonna last long, but maybe it's perfect.

Dr Barbara: 34:12

Oh, so I'm, you're not specific enough. So I'll respond to what you're saying. But I'll imagine what you're saying. When you start. When you start sharing about your history or your memories, usually, there's something important about that, that, that that memory has a meaning to you. It represents what you want and what you don't want. There's deep reflection in it and you want to explore the meaning of it so that you can eventually translate it into you know, how that might, that information might help you define what you want from your partner. And so you want you all of that it could be purposeful if you follow it through enough, but it's good reflection. You know, when, when you're when you're with your partner. You are Are you are, you know, constantly drawing from your relationship history with your family, with your parents and with your siblings, and those relationships worked in certain ways that are very precious to you, and they also didn't work for you, in certain ways that have, have have, it feels like old hurts, and you want all that information to come up, and be shared with your partner, so that you can sort out what you want from each other and what you don't want from each other. And that's one of the riches to be gained from relationship because you really learn about yourself. And, and you want to learn about yourself in a sharing way, it's not pressured, it's not an angry, you know, upset, but is more, this is what I, this is what I, I realized about myself, and this is what I would really appreciate if you could do for me, and it becomes a great partnership of giving and receiving and healing the past. And it's you know, we, that's part of I think, what, why, you know, marriages are important for the raising of our children and growing strong families, but it's also for the healing and development of our personalities and our characters. And so we want this for all those different all those reasons for for our people.

Josh Bolton: 36:13

So I want to say you just nailed it exactly what I was going for, is they're, they're talking and it's healthy. But at least in our observer, it doesn't seem like they're fixing any of the problems or mending any of the old wounds, at least, that I can tell by analyzing them from the side, maybe they aren't, I just I don't see it.

Dr Barbara: 36:33

Well, we actually lead couples into, into following those conversations to the deepest level. And, and come into

Dr Michael: 36:41

it without without arguing about it, just using your right brain and sharing the big picture. Okay,

Dr Barbara: 36:49

it's an art and a skill set, that you know, you need to you need to have that information come to some value. And it's not automatic people, you know, don't have the the conscientiousness to know or the skills to know how to pull, you know, pull the value out of those reflections into present time.

Dr Michael: 37:13

Interesting. So,

Josh Bolton: 37:16

now, this is just something that happened to me, but it also might be why I'm a little standoffish, that like dark past, it didn't really want to get into me, I'm not gonna give you the long details of it. Essentially, I was the only white kid on the Mexican campus. And daily I was beaten, bruised. And the principal didn't really do anything about me getting attacked by everyone. And I got very isolated, like, a metaphorical armor over my heart. I didn't want to open up to anyone, would that be something I would need to, in this dance when I finally find a proper partner open up about?

Dr Barbara: 37:50

Absolutely I no doubt you have all kinds of layers of distrust and fear and concern about being respected and honored for yourself. And you have to unpack that and have you allow your partner a view into your experience. So she knows how to take care of you and how to grow up help you learn, you know, relearn trust, so that you can move forward in your life and grow, you know, your relationship with her and your relationship with future children or friendships like community, it's, you know,

Dr Michael: 38:23

and we all have that romantic relationship, we are attracted to a romantic partner, because intuitively, we know that they can actually heal all that hurt. So one of the things that attracted me to Barbara is that my mother was called the general. And she would order everybody around and you did what she did what she said, a realtor in big trouble. And when you got screamed at for a half an hour if you didn't do the right thing. And so we were all living in fear of upsetting her. And so I'm attracted to Barbara because she's not like that she's not screaming and yelling. And she, she seems to have a softness about her and I give her the opportunity to heal my issues as a young person, and that's what attracts me to her. And then certain things about me attracts her to me. And that's the way romantic relationship works. It's it gives you the opportunity to heal things from your own past. And that's why you're attracted to one person and not another. Interesting, okay?

Dr Barbara: 39:32

My hunch is that you know, if you were to find a woman that means a lot to in your life that it would invite you to a journey of, of healing and letting go of all that pain and terror from your growing up years.

Josh Bolton: 39:50

Yeah, man, I think it's just one of those and I've recently we're reflecting and talking to different people, especially on the show come to realize like Yes, my story, the little nuances and details, very specific to me are different. But generally, like you said, the whole five year cycle the on and off of your parents, generally, the whole story is pretty much the same. The human experience is pretty consistent. And so I'm starting to be like, Okay, I have my my special little, little tweaks here and there, but generally, the life experiences were supposed to be

Dr Barbara: 40:23

that there's nothing wrong with you. Right? Yeah.

Josh Bolton: 40:28

I'm just curious, how long do I have you two for?

Dr Barbara: 40:31

long as whatever you say,

Josh Bolton: 40:34

Oh, okay. You don't have anyone after this?

Dr Barbara: 40:37

Oh, you have some commitments?

Dr Michael: 40:41

I'm free to like, one o'clock.

Josh Bolton: 40:43

Perfect. Then let's go for nerve 15. Because I want to, if we started, like, 15 minutes early anyways. So I'm just curious for the, we'll see, say, you Barbara mentioned earlier, is the going to places, especially with COVID. What have you noticed with COVID? In the dynamics of relationship and how it shifted, especially in your practice?

Dr Barbara: 41:08

Well, I know what I, what I'm aware of is that couples and families have been under the same roof, you know, without relief, for, you know, and it's intensified their relationships. And it for some couples, fortunately, they've gotten closer, but most couples, it's, it's become tense. And it's not a natural way to live. And so couples have to reflect on what they experiences and kind of re re work their, their schedules and what they want. And, and they have to tune up how they talk to each other. Okay,

Josh Bolton: 41:50

so it's maybe hypothetical, I'm going a little vague. But like, let's say the husband was more dominant, and demanding, and the wife was more submissive, but it kind of this dynamic shift. She's just as or even more assertive as him under the clashing kind of thing? Is that what you're saying?

Dr Barbara: 42:10

Well, I think that's, that's eventually what happens. In a really, in many relationships, that's not always true. There are a lot of women who are the major wage earners and couples these days. But there's, you know, in relationships where women are watching, are raising their children and men are working, that are ultimately there's an inevitable power struggle, where women want an equal voice for sure. And what we can

Dr Michael: 42:37

say with regard to COVID, is that in relationships, either the relationship is getting closer and closer, because you're spending so much more time together. Or it's created huge problems, because you're spending so much time together, and you're not used to that. And whatever upsets were there get multiplied. And so so you need to have really good relationship skills, speaking skill, sharing skills, in order to in order to have a lot more time together like that. Otherwise, you can just, you know, do that, because there's not that much time together. So that's been a big issue with COVID.

Josh Bolton: 43:22

I would also add, do you think this is more of societal than science question? Do you think with the the more divide of individuality instead of community is causing that problem to? Absolutely. Okay.

Dr Barbara: 43:39

The one thing we haven't talked about is how you can help men and women maintain their chemistry with each other? Yes.

Dr Michael: 43:47

That is, that is a big issue as we grow older. So when we're in our young ages, below the ages of 40, you know, hormones are great, you feel energetic, you feel enthusiastic, great, but you get older, then things change in your physiology. So that's what I do a lot in my office is this take women, it's more dramatic. Women go into menopause, and within six months or a year, their physiology has changed, and they feel really poorly 90% of the time, they feel really poorly when they go through that process.

Dr Barbara: 44:26

And that translates into no sex drive.

Dr Michael: 44:29

And, and you're not sleeping good and you're tired, and you can't exercise anymore. And your moods are up and down. And you gain weight, gain weight. And so that's something that's an easy fix. I do that a lot for for a women going through menopause. And for men, it's a little slower. They don't have a dramatic change every 10 years. It's much, much less their testosterone levels and they lose brain clarity. They will as energy, they lose libido, they lose muscle stamina, endurance, and general enthusiasm for life. They just want to retire. They just want to just do nothing. You give them testosterone and some other hormones, and they feel great, you know, and I'm 72. And I love being busy. I love being active, I love doing things and have lots of energy for whatever whatever's needed to happen. So that's what I do as a hormone replacement doctor. So that's like, a pot for people who are getting older, big pot, not for the young people.

Josh Bolton: 45:37

Always say if you give that to me, it'd be a whole totally different story. That's interesting. Yeah. I'm just curious on because you mentioned stem cells, too. Yes. Is that a part of the like the testosterone treatment too, or is that a little different reason,

Dr Michael: 45:56

it's a little different. We use various growth hormone peptides that are very helpful for youthfulness after the age of 40. But the stem cells and the exosome growth factors from umbilical cord are babies, we used to throw out the umbilical cord. Now we save it for the growth factors that will repair all kinds of issues. But it's usually focused issues. You can inject it anywhere into the body, and it will repair and rejuvenate whatever has been injured in a dramatic way, when seemingly nothing else will work you repair like you're 20 years old, instead of like you're 40 6080. And sometimes even you're 20 years old, I had one lady who had cancer of her knee, they replaced her knee and she had multiple surgeries. And she couldn't walk for two years she couldn't walk came to see me two treatments later, she was walking, running, doing great pain is just about gone. She was in terrible pain. So that's what what the what the growth practice can do. That's like repairing and it works for sexual dysfunction. 50% of men by the age of 50 have erectile dysfunction. And 70% By the time is 70. And we can reverse this 90% of the time with these growth factors. And it's just dramatic. And it's very important, you know, we didn't talk about the most important factor in longevity, after the age of 50 is not your cholesterol is is not your diet is not what you're when you're exercising and your weight, it's the quality of your personal relationships. That's what the research shows. So it's not just have, you know, a nice thing to have a good relationship as you're growing older, it is critical to your longevity.

Dr Barbara: 47:50

And it's important for a couple to keep their sexual connection. And it's good to be able to be active, you can avoid surgeries and stay active and do what you love it it creates a full life and, and a joyous life

Dr Michael: 48:05

and a long life. Life that really works in terms of longevity.

Josh Bolton: 48:11

That's good. So I'm just curious, then you say you to dance is that one of the many things you do to keep your relationship going, like spicy and all that? Absolutely. Awesome.

Dr Barbara: 48:24

It was my idea. And Michael was, you know, willing to try it because he was you know, he was playing softball, and he was one of the oldest guys on the team. I started

Dr Michael: 48:35

the team and then they kind of sort of retired me at 61 because I couldn't run fast anymore, you know, and he

Dr Barbara: 48:42

couldn't slide into first base like he used to so so he took up the project of dancing with me, we've been tap dancing for maybe 12 years.

Dr Michael: 48:50

So I moved us into just taking lessons to competing. I love to compete. That's what softball is about, you know. So yeah, so we competed dancing, and it's very intense. And it goes

Dr Barbara: 49:05

we go all around the country. And we are in competitions and, and it it forces us to keep improving. And Barbra loves

Dr Michael: 49:12

it because she gets to wear these beautiful gowns and she looks like she's a princess and

Dr Barbara: 49:16

and I love music and to dance to music is a dream come true.

Dr Michael: 49:19

Yeah. But every relationship has to find the things that you love doing together. It's nice to have some kind of a hobby or process or something that you love doing together. Whatever it is.

Josh Bolton: 49:30

So would for some maybe the wife likes gardening, but the man doesn't so he's he joins kind of thing. That

Dr Michael: 49:38

will be a separate project in a fight. Maybe they like to do tennis maybe like swimming, maybe they like hiking. Maybe they like

Dr Barbara: 49:44

we have to we have one of our children and she and her husband do Aikido together martial arts.

Josh Bolton: 49:50

Nice. Good system. Very good system. Okay.

Dr Michael: 49:54

There you go. Yeah,

Josh Bolton: 49:57

just curious. How long have they been doing that?

Dr Barbara: 50:00

Maybe 15 years. All right,

Josh Bolton: 50:05

cool. I'm the Chief Black Belt yet.

Dr Barbara: 50:09

You know, I've never asked him but

Dr Michael: 50:10

they actually don't have belts and Akito they actually are told they actually think

Josh Bolton: 50:16

in a different system completely then

Dr Barbara: 50:18

Kidoz Japanese. Yeah. And they actually run a dojo.

Dr Michael: 50:23

They actually run the center now.

Josh Bolton: 50:26

Good for them. That's very good.

Dr Michael: 50:30

In Fort Collins, Colorado. Yeah, they have a lot of fun doing that. They enjoyed that.

Josh Bolton: 50:38

It that's fun. No, that's good to hear that they're doing that. So then. So let's say maybe the couple I'm thinking of they don't like dancing would going on cruises together and planning a cruise also count? Sure.

Dr Barbara: 50:55

Whatever is the desires of a couple it's a very unique inquiry. What what makes you both connect and be happy?

Dr Michael: 51:04

Enjoy? Okay.

Josh Bolton: 51:09

I would say, my poor bracing here like you don't have that connection you have? Why do you ask these questions?

Dr Michael: 51:17

See in the future, what you're what you're doing, I, we would both encourage you to find those things that you love doing that give you a sense of accomplishment. And you'll naturally meet people who are enjoying that to whatever it is, if you like going on cruises, if you like bicycling if you like painting, if you like,

Dr Barbara: 51:37

you know, you want to meet people where you share interests.

Dr Michael: 51:40

Yeah. But you have to have an interest to share an interest.

Josh Bolton: 51:44

Fair, true. Honestly, this has been an absolute honor and a blast that one of you I know has gotten something going on at one my brain is going way too fast on the left side. I got three going out questions for you. Okay. Bruce, one other than work? What have you been doing to keep yourself busy during these COVID? Lockdown times?

Dr Michael: 52:07

Other than work? Yes. Well,

Dr Barbara: 52:11

I've been a rebel. We've been dancing in our studio ongoingly. We've been, we've been traveling and meeting with the people we care about and doing programs. And we've been, you know, working. We wrote a book during this period.

Dr Michael: 52:29

Oh, yeah. We wrote that ain't just love book. That was a huge project. That was, yeah, yeah. And so we've been very, very busy. And so now, after COVID, we're able to go to more of the dance competitions. They didn't have them for two years really. And but we still practiced, we still maintain the physical exercise. And yeah, that's what we've been doing. That's awesome.

Josh Bolton: 52:57

So it's kind of been this whole episode. But for someone that's inspired to be like you to a wonderful couple successful, everything a family, what are some tips, tricks or advice you give them to start down a similar path.

Dr Barbara: 53:14

You want to start really talking to each other about what you how you'd like to see your life, bro, what elements might be missing, that could enrich you both. And, and identify the time you want to spend together so that your life isn't just about responsibilities, because responsibilities can take over a whole 24 hours if you let it. And you want to you want to you know, let allow your self to unfold the dreams you have for your life. So they come true and you support each other doing that.

Dr Michael: 53:44

And I would I would urge your listeners to take some actual action steps to learn from people who will mentor you in skills. So what we teach in our classes is skills. And so we're not teaching philosophy, we're teaching skills where you're learning to share and be together in a couple relationship. And that's real critical. So the HS love.com Quiz would be the first place I would start and that will lead you to other other places and things that we do together and really inspire or your couples to, to move forward with relationship with it. And the intimacy that's required for longevity. Awesome.

Josh Bolton: 54:29

So then you kind of just alluded to at the end where can everyone contact your get to your stuff?

Dr Michael: 54:36

Yeah, I think the ages love quiz.com is the best place to start. It's real fun and easy. And it takes five or seven minutes to take the quiz and then it will lead you to all these different opportunities and yeah, now will be great. A great thing to do. And for your longevity, for my longevity, if you want to get into all those anti aging things you can go to the OC wellness.com. That's my medical website. And that could will take you to all kinds of options. And now with COVID, people can start things anywhere in the United States, you don't have to be in California. So anybody can go there and contact the office and we can guide you through being useful for you know, your, your whole 150 years of living.

Josh Bolton: 55:27

I was just going to ask that because I saw an article in this how humans are expected now to go 250. Do you guys see that being possible within the next few lifetimes? Absolutely. Yeah,

Dr Michael: 55:39

that's gonna happen. For people who are like, even, you know, healthy seven year olds now. You know, they're gonna live much, much longer than their parents. And yeah, I do see it happening is so much new things with the stem cells and exosomes and the hormones, it's just such a huge area to stay well. And so, you know, there's also

Dr Barbara: 56:03

new guidance on how to eat and supplements to take and really how to take care of yourself.

Josh Bolton: 56:08

Yes. And I read by I can't confirm it, if it was legit or just a flash in the pan is there's potential for certain cures for cancers to come in on the horizon?

Dr Michael: 56:20

Well, there's a lot of cures that have happened that used to be if you had melanoma, you died within a year or two, and now half the people are cured with the with the new cancer treatments. So there's a lot of breakthroughs in cancer treatments that are happening. And they're happening more and more. So yeah, that, you know, little bit of the time, I don't know about a Total Cure for all cancers, but it's happening a lot.

Josh Bolton: 56:49

Definitely. Yeah, I'm very hopeful. I tried to be as optimistic as possible. And I'm pretty hopeful for all of us. It's been an absolute honor and a pleasure to have you both on

Dr Barbara: 57:01

Thank you, and we wish you all good things. No, we wish you let us know when you meet the lady of your dreams. Yeah,

Dr Michael: 57:06

I will. Then you can take some of our classes and courses. Yes.