Success Coach | Lisha Davidovits

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Transcript

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How's your day? It's been gone. Well, how about yours? I'm pretty good. I just got off work. So. Oh, nice. What do you do? Night Shift janitor. Okay, cool. How's that for you? The hours are rough. But it's been consistent work during the strange times of COVID. So can't complain. Yeah, that's awesome. Well, yeah, there's some news interesting with it, you know, jobs. And people sometimes think like, Oh, you know, certain jobs, they're really rough or this or, you know, different perceptions. And there was a janitor that was interviewed from NASA. And they were like, Well, you know, what's important about your job, and he's like, I help astronauts, I help astronauts and make it to space. And, and so like, you know, he was seeing like, that even his role was a vital role in keeping things clean and organized and maintained. And so he was a part of like, helping astronauts go to space. It wasn't like, yeah, I you know, clean and scrub and do this. And that, you know, it's like, you know, it's all about like, perception. So I love hearing from different people like, how they perceive their job, what matters about it, why they do it? Yeah, it's, it really was a matter of perception for me when like, when the pandemic hit back in March, when everyone just went crazy with buying everything. I just sat there, and it was a joke. And I said to myself, because at the grocery store, Matt, everything was gone. Like, there was nothing on the shelves. So I'm just joking. Like, even if we have no product on the shelves, I gotta make this floor shiny somehow. Yeah, totally. I know that it Yeah, gives you a challenge to be extra resourceful and curious about what else could work. And then that's great, too, because who knows? That could be an opportunity to find something that works even better? Yes, absolutely. So actually, let's get right into it. Tell me about yourself in what you do. Sure. So my name is Alicia tiffin evitts, I'm a success coach for high achieving millennials, particularly ones that are going through points of transition, such as newly married or having their first child, or transitioning into a more senior role professionally, so something where they're like, okay, you know, I'm used to having success and nailing things in this, there's something a little like, uncertain getting me a bit uncomfortable. And so then I help support those that are wanting to navigate with the success that they're used to, but are feeling like a bit outside of their comfort zone, anxious imposter syndrome, all of that. So let's actually go into the transitioning part with a marriage in new job. So what is the one that poses more of a? Not threat? Sorry? A problem to the person? Is it the marriage in the new responsibilities? Or is it going from let's say, from a janitor to the supervisor? kind of thing? Yeah, um, well, I've worked with high achievers and high achievers, typically, they have a track record of success. And that success is really important to them. And so sometimes they'll get stuck in their head of like, do I have what it takes? So you know, in a marriage, like, do I have what it takes to be the kind of partner that I'm wanting to be or the type of parent if it's a new parent, or the type of person that is really going to excel in this role? It's not just enough to like, show up, they're wanting to like, you know, do it really well, if you're going to do it, do it really well, they have high expectations of themselves, perceived high expectations from others. So a lot of the times depends on the dynamic depends on the marriage, and you know, how that partner is showing up as far as they being supportive, being compassionate, being forgiving, being flexible, you know, sometimes to within marriage, there can be expectations, when you're dating that are different when you're married, where it's like, well, now that we're married, then I expect that things are going to be this way. And it's like, Wait, what? That's very unrealistic, my friend. Yeah, so that can come out of you know, left field, and then professional needs to have so many people, you know, they're looking at climbing that ladder going into higher levels of management. And then they make it and they're like, wait, I'm a manager. Now what, what do I need to do? Where's the safety net? Where's the training on how to be a strong manager? If I'm going to do well, then, you know, I need to be equipped. And so they sometimes, you know, get a little bit uncomfortable. And there's that imposter syndrome of oh my gosh, what if people are like, what are they doing in that position? How did they get to you know, that level, they don't know what they're doing. And so there can be, you know, insecurities that get in the way because then people will like, play it safe, or do the smaller, low risk things for the sake of feeling like, Okay, I've got this, I'm nailing it. But then the bigger strategy, things that are really going to set them up for optimal success are things that they shy away from there becomes this avoidance of things they might not succeed at. So they're playing it safe, which compromises what they want to go for that high level of success. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. That's actually I'm recently adopting a mindset like that. I read in a book somewhere and it was do what's uncomfortable for You, then you will feel comfortable with uncomfortable. Yes, totally. Oh my gosh, I like so love that because I found that to be true for me, especially with even starting my business a few years ago, then it was like, Okay, this is new, this is different. And so, you know, I fell into that whole thing of like, Okay, I'm going to like, take some more classes, I'm going to read some more books, I need to feel more prepared. And at some point, you just need to go for it. And once I started going for, like, you know, putting stuff out on social media, putting out videos on YouTube, I started to really be able to, you know, get away from my perfectionist side, which would often hold me back, if I can't do it perfectly, I'm not going to do it, I'm not ready to take that leap. And instead be comfortable with being uncomfortable and to be like, you know, what, for most of this stuff, 80% good enough, is good enough. And once I was able to make that mental shift, then emotional heart came with it. And you know, then I was like, I podcasting cool, I'm gonna, you know, start being on, I guess, on podcasts and reaching out to podcasters like you and, you know, being receptive to that. And it's been great, because, you know, it's like, Hey, what's the worst case scenario, I think of the word fail as feeling alive in life. And it's about living, and I've never heard that acronym that way before. Nice. Hashtag hers. Yes. Um, that's interesting. Yeah. Because I've, I've come to embrace failure, not as a bad thing. It's like, okay, so I made a mistake. Next, just don't take three steps that way instead? Yeah, exactly. That's the thing. It's all about that mindset. And if something doesn't go, as you might expect, or want, then you know, rather than beating yourself up and judging yourself or the situation, then you know, we can say, what are the gifts and opportunities in this? So you can either accept, okay, that happened. Or you can also go one step further and say, What are the gifts and opportunities? What's the gift of knowledge, or the gift of inspiration, or the gift of power is something that I need to be stronger, and as far as like, maybe empathy, or you know, that curiosity to really explore more, be more innovative. And so then in that way, like, that's how we learn and grow, playing it safe. We're just, you know, safe, and we're there. And we're not like evolving and becoming more fulfilled as a result? Absolutely. Yeah. It's the you touched on empathy. And curiosity. As a leader, I just actually, like a day or two ago, interviewed a female CEO. And she was just saying the same thing, like her success was exactly what normal people normal executives don't do what you say, I'm willing to listen, I'm willing to be curious and figure out what the root of the problem is. That you touched on. And I'm like, that's, can we go into a little more of the depth of what to do when those instead of, because there is a huge perception that if you're kind of curious that you're quote, weak? Mm hmm. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. It's kind of, you know, taking the embodiment of like a curious anthropologist, and, you know, looking at like uncovering, oh, what's here? What's here? What happened here? What was that about? And just like being curious, without any attachment to a specific outcome. So you know, if something happened, and it wasn't quite right, rather than starting to judge, we shouldn't have done this, or we shouldn't have done that to be very open, unbiased, free of judgment and be like, Oh, well, this is interesting. Just like, if you go to like, a new foreign land that you've never been to, you're not going to be like, well, that's weird. Why do they do things this way? Or why do they do things that way? I mean, some people might be, but others might be like, Oh, that's interesting. They're doing that. What's that about? And, oh, what's going on over there? And, you know, so in a company, it can be the same thing of like, hey, let me see what's going on with the team? Like what kind of, you know, interactions are they having what's the dynamic there, what's coming up, during our meetings, what's happening, and when you have that openness, then you start to realize like, Okay, we've got, you know, this one person who's very much, you know, a controller type and take charge, and they've got ideas that can be kind of, you know, assertive and pushing through the ideas. And then we've got these other people that tend to shut down when that happens. I wonder what happens if that person that tends to be more of that strong personality kind of takes it down a notch with those other people that are more complacent, open up more and express themselves more and that's proven to be the case. They were people that have stronger personalities, when they're like, Okay, I need to take a step back. When I'm with people that maybe you know, as assertive and strong and are kind of more of a pleaser types are around then those that are, you know, more non confrontational or you know, concerned about confrontation will speak up more and feel more safe. It's about creating safety, creating an environment where people can meet curious and open and once you start then noticing what happens that's When you can really start to expand, you know, what seems possible and what you're aware of, and the same thing with empathy to have like who instead of judging others or judging oneself or situations to kind of look at it with the inner child mindset of like if this you know, person was like a young child or I as a young child, like there's this innocence, you want to like say, Hey, you know what? It's okay, these things have been okay. So you know, you didn't get that new business account or Okay, so, you know, your partner was disappointed that you know, you didn't make dinner for the fifth night in a row or you know, your child or your kids or something, it's, you know, it's that empathy. So you're not beating yourself up, because you think about, you know, a young child, would you yell at the child and be like, I can't believe you did that, again, you're such a failure. If you're a good parent, hopefully, you're not going to do that you're going to be like, Okay, what can we learn from this? And how can we grow and you know, and to comfort them, nurture them, nurture oneself, rather than, you know, just like going off on them, because that doesn't help that shames and creates more guilt, and then discourages them from taking chances in the future? Yeah, no, I agree. So I do martial arts and one of my my instructor, he's a very driven man very, you get to do it by my rules, or you don't. And his kids are, he's a very active, he likes going out into like social areas, get pitching his business. And his kids just play on video games all day. And he's like, you're all fucking idiots. Like, do this. And then I even told him, like, you know, the more you say that, the more they want to play cuz they're depressed. Yeah, totally. I know, it becomes a coping mechanism and a way of like, just kind of numbing in a way. Yeah. And that's what I just told him I dude, like, he, cuz he does martial arts, I'm like, you have actually empathy on us. Even though you're beating us up, you know, you could take it too far. For them, you were just don't have a value to you. So you might actually be just cutting their throat wide open. And they're just like, great, dad. Thanks. Just kind of go over here now, because I'm going to pose to you. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, it's interesting. And, you know, if he kind of were to look at them as they were as little newborn babies, and just following them and seeing that essence of that innocence, then you know, it could create a shift. And sometimes too, those types of behaviors come from fear, perhaps for him or others, there's fear for what might happen if all they do is play video games. I know, you know, with my own kids, sometimes, you know, they'll do something is funny, cuz like, was it my, um, I don't even remember, use things like disappear. But like, you know, my daughter would like to see something walking around. And she was just, like, pick it up. And I'm like, wait, what's in your hand, we can just take that I'm like, Oh, my gosh, is she gonna be like, you know, a klepto. Like, always, like taking things in her. And so like, that was like my own fear. It's like, she was doing something that was a dangerous, really, it was like, my own fear of like, what does this mean? So oftentimes, we project our own fears, onto our children or onto our spouse. So it's like, oh, my gosh, you're gonna have these expectations of this is how the world works, or this is what's expected of me. And so we need to kind of look and be like, okay, what's showing up here? What is the emotion? And then under that emotion, what's the value? And so for him, it could be that value of being active and being strong and video games, like, that's the opposite of it. So you know, it's, it's a good opportunity for him to gain awareness of like, what showing up here? And what type of relationship do I want to have with my children? And then how do I bridge that gap? You honor that value, and how I want to be as a parent, but in also what I want to instill in them and who I want to support them and becoming, right, yeah, and that's where I've told him I said, cuz his kids are really good at video games. I said, Hey, so make it a rule. If they want to play over their limit, they have to record it, as is post a video game on YouTube. I said, eventually, the entrepreneurial part will kick in and they'll realize, wait, I can make like 1000 bucks doing this a month. Sorry, you go. That's true. It was like turning that into a gift or opportunity right there. Right. So it's like, it's like the your punishment is you have to record and edit this and post on YouTube. You know, later on, eventually, they'll figure out how to make money. But hey, it's the that's your punishment kind of thing. Yeah, exactly. Where it came in you were talking about curiosity. There could be something there of like, Oh, you really enjoy these video games. What is it about it that you like maybe there's like some strategy there or there's like, you know, something that they could then use in other ways, like, you know, maybe for coding, like if they like strategy, maybe they could get into coding, so something that still appeals to what they're going to the video games for. But you know, it's like a healthier way of saying someone that keeps saying, you know, and preschool is throwing away Other kids, it's like, okay, so you want to throw a ball? Let's go to the basketball court and have you throw it into the net. So it's that kind of redirect them. This is what you're needing. How about we try it in this way that's going to, you know, have a more positive impact. Yeah, it's like they're very you got energy. We're just gonna sit at the tree. We're gonna do it towards the wall. Good. Yeah, exactly. So, um, you were talking about your higher high achieving entrepreneurs, millennials. So what are some of the traits that they have? Are they like planners? goal setters? strategic thinking? Yeah, so the high achieving millennials, they tend to be really driven to succeed, to have that ambition of like, Okay, I got to this point, what's next? And you know, they often are getting burnt out as results to like, you know, they're in companies. And they're like, Okay, well, I'm in this position, how do I get to the next position? how, you know, there's a lot of like, that pushing and wanting more and wanting to succeed, and wanting to overcome to some of the stereotypes, social media plays a big role in a world where, you know, they're seeing online like, well, these people are doing this, and you especially to, with, like, so many entrepreneurs and solopreneurs, these days, and mission based companies, it's like, well, someone's doing this, I've got to do this, too. So then there's like this pressure to perform to succeed, to push more and more. And the challenge there is, then they start going towards what seems important, rather than what feels important. So sometimes there can be a lack of resonance there, where they're going to something, and then they get it and then they're not even happy about it, it doesn't bring happiness, because that's not what they really wanted for what matters to them. It's that perceived importance. And so sometimes there's a disconnect in alignment with what once one wants, and what one's values are. So helping them to, like, get to the why why does this matter? And go after that, instead of like, what they think should be important is that has value. Yeah, actually, one of the things is my co workers, they all are on Instagram, Facebook, and that and they're scrolling. And one person like, Oh, look at this person, like they're so happy. And I said, you know, there's a probably a good 90% chance they're actually miserable, but they're really good at Photoshop. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I know it is. It's so nice. Like, I don't know, in app, like, it's biased as far as like, what we are posting, like, my name is sex. I'm miserable, like some people are, but a lot of people and stuff you know, is like, Oh, look at me, I'm you know, with so and so. And we're having a good time. And we're doing this and there was one post where the parent had posted like, they were at a park with the kids and everyone was smiling. And then she was like, what you didn't see is that five minutes earlier than this one was hitting the other and this one was having a meltdown. And I was yelling at them and everything was like crazy. And then there was that one second where things are good. Take a picture. Perfect family. A quick little brush up here and there and you're good to go. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So it really yeah, it's a very, like, biased perception of that reality. And, and I it would be interesting if people were like, okay, you know, keeping it real, like I just, you know, got out of bed and stub my toe this hurt, you know? Yeah, it's funny how, like, on the news, we want like all this stuff, like, you know, like, the crime and the negative things and drama on the news. You know, this weather is terrible. We don't hear like, oh, the day was so sunny in Miami. It's like no terrible storm in Texas. But then on social media, we want all the happy fun stuff. And you know, it's like, is extremely I use two extremes that are not balanced. So you touched on something I've been thinking about recently. Is that the news intensely fear mongers because fear is a very powerful emotion, which would drive you to their site, which would get them ads kind of thing. And they're not even worried about the story. They just want to scare you. away. Yeah. Yep, exactly. Well, you know, same things with marketers too. That's a big strategy of like, you know, do you have put fungus Do you want your toe to fall off? You don't want to lose your feet then use this cream they were like I must have that cream I don't want to lose my side effect could be that you lose all your toes or you get a second foot Good luck with the second one. Right right. I know exactly. Yeah, that's a quandary. It's like oh my gosh, the side effects are actually worse than the symptoms. I don't know. My parents listen watch Hallmark and every so often the medicine comes up and we actually stop watching what we're doing and say, how is this gonna be? Oh, it's just your kidney falls out. Okay? Yeah, no biggie. No death. Exactly. Yes. My heart stop or do I want constant diarrhea for the rest of my life? No. Don't be happy. It's So I'll be happy. Yeah. Exactly. And there's only an 80% chance, but it could catastrophic, we fail. in my favor, let's do it. Yeah, exactly. But that brings up an interesting point, as far as you know, use medications. It's all like, you know, treating symptoms. And so often in life, we just want something that's gonna like, because happier, make us feel better and make the symptoms stop. And I love working with people where we get to the root of what's going on. And, you know, that's part of what I do with mental fitness is saying, like, what's at the root of causing these like, doubts and anxieties and frustrations, and let's get to that. And once we get to the root, then it helps solve that problem, as well as a, you know, huge number of other problems and prevent problems in the future. So it's, you know, it's interesting when people are so like, symptom driven, and just to make it feel better, make it stop hurting and like, what's at the root? And what's underneath that underneath that. And that's where you get really powerful change. It is Yeah. Sorry, that was the about two years down cleaning. That's how long I've been currently working. I used to be on heavy prescriptions for depression, anxiety, etc, a laundry list stereotypical stuff. And so I went to a doctor because I needed to get my insurance and mental health. So I had to check in with him. And essentially, professional Indian man, very, he's like, he talks very little. It's like, hello. He looks at my laundry list of stuff. And he's like, how long have you been on this shit. And I just had to meet him when he said that, because it's like, he's a very professional, he wouldn't say that. I'm like, bro, like, six, eight years. He's like, your brain should be mush by now. Oh, my gosh, how disturbing to hear that. I was like, that day. He's like, bullying you off? Slowly. I just quit cold turkey. I was like, I'm done. Wow. Yeah. That Well, that's great that you had that, you know, finding with him. I have a friend who had a similar situation where she's been on antidepressants for a long time. And the doctor was like, you know, after this amount of time, it can start to cause memory loss and these other things, and, you know, people just kind of think like, Okay, I'm gonna I'm just gonna keep going with this, not realizing that there can be compromises long term. That's great. You found that out sooner than later. Yeah. And that's actually one thing he said, because I was telling that when he was looking at the laundry list stuff, he's like, you're taking an anti seizure medicine. I'm like, What do you mean, I'm taking an anti seizure medicine. I thought there was depression. He's like, its side effect can be for depression. Wow. He's like, this thing is literally slowing your brain down. He's like, can you run? He's like, Can you remember anything? As it I'm, like, not usually a fuzz. Like, because it was like, I was only with him for five minutes as he had just coming into the lobby. I don't really remember that. He's like, that's the meds. That's not you, you're fine. And I'm like, Oh, yeah. So I can completely agree I've experienced it. That it's, it's one of those. Yes. Big Pharma, they can make their money. But they don't want to admit that. Yeah, they're actually also making more problems than it's worth. Right, hold a one zero. Now we're like going on totally different topics. Like, they prescribed stuff. So you know, just like, left and right. And there was a time I had a bug bite and the doctor was like, Oh, you know, I think it was like an allergist, maybe. And they said, Oh, you know, I think I should prescribe you something. I said, Well, you know, I think maybe it's just like an antihistamine that I have at home is going to be okay. Like, no, no, I don't think that's going to be enough. You're gonna need the steroid cream or prescriber for you. And I'm like, really, like I just like, you know, that was pretty serious. It's not just going to go away. And I'm like, Well, okay, if you can say so. But my focus is on that too. Yeah, I'm like, you know, I just, I think that the hydrocortisone that I have in my, you know, caused it at home is gonna be okay. So I used it, and sure enough, it was fine. And I'm like, well, thank goodness, I didn't take that steroid. And you know, just like, that's the thing too. We need to listen to our gut and what we feel is right, because I'm like, just seems like overkill. I'd rather like start slow or do something like you know, less invasive, and see how that goes. Rather than be like, yeah, hit me up with a prescription drugs. Yeah. I think from a few doctors I've actually talked to in person they've all like suddenly said like, yeah, we get a huge kickback. If we prescribe you something, quote new, he's like, but you're new to us. So anything we send to you is new. I'm like, oh, because I told him like yeah, I have like a whole cabinet full of ibuprofen. It's just like there was no reason I told him like I still got like a month old ibuprofen I don't need this stuff. He's like, they get a kickback. He's it's, he's a doctor shouldn't be doing it for the money but he's like the percentages too. To say no to Wow, that's pretty, that's really unfortunate that the priority isn't with what's in the best interest of the patient at all times. And I guess, you know, for them, they figure Oh, it's harmless enough, and then it's a win win. But, you know, really, there have been so many cases where that's not to win. And and then, you know, it just reinforces people's desire for a quick fix. So, you know, it's just like, with any other coping mechanism, like, Oh, you know, I'm really depressed, I'm gonna, like, you know, or I'm, like, anxious, I'm going to have a drink to take the edge off. So rather than treating the root of why we're anxious, it's like, I'm gonna, you know, just have a glass of wine or more alcohol or new cigarette or you know, something else, to be able to just, you know, make it stop and have that quick fix, which Yeah, works in the short term, but it's like, then you're getting bread crumbs instead of the bread. And so when you get to the root of like, Okay, what is really causing this not just treating the symptoms, then you're able to really, you know, just thrive much more of your life. Yeah, yeah. And that's actually a good point, like, so have one of my co workers, they recently got a kid. And they are buying wine, like, it's water. And I'm like, you know, that's not making the kid crying problem go away, actually might be making it worse, because mommy might be a little rougher than usual. Right? Right. Exactly. Yeah, absolutely. So, you know, that can be good. It's like a sign of like, okay, no, this is what I am resorting to, this is my go to. So you know, that then shows up as something to notice, like, Hey, you know, maybe I need to do something that's going to help me be the parent that I want to be? Because this, you know, probably isn't a good idea. Yeah. So from your experience for your clients? Would you say therapy is also a good additive? into the different stuff? Yeah, I mean, I think therapy can be good. Um, it kind of depends. So therapy is, you know, kind of like, it's looking at one's life in their past experiences, how that affects their present experiences. And so that can be something that is, you know, born to like, kind of looking at causes and effects and changing patterns and behaviors. And there's a little bit more of them analyzing, it's kind of like, if you were going to ride a bike, a therapist would be like, okay, so you're scared to get on this bike? Let's talk about that fear. What is that about unless I understand it and unpack it. Whereas someone like me, who's a coach would say, Okay, let's get on this bike, I'm going to be right here next to you, as you go along, I'll be with you each step of the way. And I'll be on this journey with you side by side as you learn to ride this bike. And then you'd have someone who's like a consultant, that would say, okay, so who scared about riding the bike, let me dissect this, and I'm gonna, you know, produce a whole manual about how to ride the bike, how to get over the fear all these contingency plans, and then I'll give, you know, this big report. So those are kind of the differences as far as I how those different fields would approach that. So yeah, therapy works great for a lot of people. I've worked with a number of people who are going through therapy for you know, something clinical, such as depression, but then also want coaching to help accelerate them getting to where they want to get to in life, overcome challenges, they're showing up, quiet, some of those self doubts, imposter syndrome, limiting beliefs strengthen their mental fitness, for more curiosity, patience, compassion, and positivity. So, you know, typically, when I first started talking to someone, I really get curious, and you know, find out what's going on, and then you know, which is going to be best therapy, the coaching, you know, something else? Right? So you touched on self doubt and imposter syndrome, how would you, let's say with me, like, how basic How would you walk me through something like that? Um, so it would be something where I, you know, um, let's say you're stepping into a new role. And, you know, so then I'll say, like, Okay, what kind of thoughts are coming up with this new role? And then it might be, you know, something where, well, I just, I don't know, if I have what it takes. And I'm, you know, concerned that I'm not going to stack up to their expectations, I'm going to fall short. I'm going to lose my job where people are going to question How did you even get into you know, this role, or you're doing something and you're like, I don't even know if this is right. When I was working in a online advertising company during management, then that was an example for me where, you know, I had done a lot of customer relations, client relations, success management, but not so much the data and analytics. And so I was like, okay, there's gonna be a learning curve, and that's okay. But, you know, there was part of me where I was like, okay, hope that they don't realize like, how little I know like, There's a lot that I need to know here. And I don't know very much, but I'm worried that they're going to like, find out how little I know. So I was putting pressure on myself to try to ramp up but then like, making mistakes on the way and then worried that like, Oh my gosh, is this gonna be the end of me? Because I messed up here? And I'm like, Well, no, it's okay, I can, you know, we can I can work with someone to fix this and to correct it and to learn from it. But there's always that feeling. Like, you know, there is a hatchet swinging over your head, and it's about to like, eliminate you or you're like walking around with a target on your back. And it's like, oh, my gosh, like I, you know, they're gonna get me, they're gonna figure me out that I have no idea what I'm doing. And so that can result in a lot of fear and holding back from taking chances. And you know, in a job to really perform, there needs to be some willingness to be courageous, and to have that laser focus action to take action. But if someone's always questioning, is this the right thing? Or is this the right thing? What if this isn't the right thing, then I'm going to be seen as you know, messing up men, you know, that can be kind of paralyzing. So yeah, it's that inner critic, that inner chatter of like, what if what if, and, you know, it's Yeah, it can be very daunting for some and stressful to like, waking up and being like, Oh, my gosh, I bet this presentation, and they're up at three in the morning, worrying about whether or not they have what it takes to pull it off. So what would you tell your clients for getting over that anxiety? So, the first thing is just noticing it, noticing that it's there, and you know, and to be like, okay, you know, it's an energy and emotion. So to feel that tightness coming on? Or to hear in one's head, that mental chatter of like, you know, do you even know what you're doing? Or, you know, what if this isn't the right way, and so to take notice of it, and then I do with my clients, they're called third, like repetitions that focus on a single sensation. And it's kind of like, you know, meditation is a specialized form of it. So it could just be like focusing on breath for like, 10 seconds, with eyes closed, focusing on the breath, coming in, going out of the chest, and going out, just focusing on breath, or like taking your index finger and your thumb, and rubbing your fingertips together with just enough tension to feel the riches. And just focusing on that. And what that says, when you're focusing only on that sensation is a quiet the left part of the brain where it is more analytical and raising all of those alarms putting you in fight or flight survival mode. By quieting that, then one's able to shift to the right part of the brain, where there's more curiosity, compassion, openness, it really those exercises with everyone that I do them with, it has a really strong calming effect. And so it's great because then once that shift is made, it's kind of like when you're in flow, and all of a sudden, you're like, Okay, I've got this, it's gonna be okay, I can do this. And so it's, it's using your ability to shift from the left region activity to the right region activity, that is the most effective and creating that change to go after what you really want. with enthusiasm rather than from fear. Absolutely, yeah. One thing for me, there was, I picked up on this. So I don't know about your area. But back in October last year, there was a second round of the great tool of paper buying. Oh, yes, yeah. Yes, is what we call it. This is like, this is a great film. And I don't know why they want this expensive paper. But uh, I was super worried because there was stuff going on with the store. We weren't making budgets. I really couldn't sleep. I was worried I was gonna lose my job. And then it was just, I don't know, it was rambling on scrolling, like reading through something or like a blog. And they just said, how do they Calm yourself no matter what kind of thing and I'm like, Alright, I'll listen this time. And he said, breathe in 10 times, but breathe in for like six seconds, breathe out for like six seconds. So like whether you'd like it or not, you're going to be calm. So during that moment, I was like the Okay, and I breathe. And I'm like, wait, what are they worried about? Yeah. So that's what I do nowadays. And my work is there. Still a few things that go off are unpleasant and unpredictable. So I just say, All right, here we go. Yeah, it's really effective. And we do have monkey brain so sometimes thoughts will come back in and we just need to like say, okay, that's there. just dismiss it and you're just acknowledge and dismiss any thoughts that come in during those repetitions. And I've noticed as I've done it, more and more and you enjoy it each time I noticed I could stressor, you know tension coming in, then it's easier for me to shift. So all of a sudden, nothing will happen. It's like this stimulus. And rather than it being like me keeping my hand on a hot burner, I may want to take it off much more quickly, because I've strengthened that mental fitness, there's actual rewiring, that happens, the more that you do this, because the neural pathways change where a stimulus comes in, and instead of just going to the left going to the left, it starts going to the right more, because through these repetitions done frequently throughout the day, especially with any kind of activity that creates tension or stress, then you can see in an MRI, there's an increase in gray matter in the right region of the brain from doing this practice, continuously over the course of six to eight weeks, whenever you kind of feel triggered or hijacked by you know, as strong emotion. Because when something comes up, and you're like stressed or anxious, like, it serves a purpose only to the point of it saying like, hey, there's something worth noticing here. But if you keep holding on to that energy, it's like keeping your hand on the Hot burner, like you're just prolonging the discomfort and the stress and keeping yourself from being able to think with more clarity and openness that's actually going to then bring about better results and more happiness. Right. And it's, it's one that's like, what I call it to myself, I don't know, if you have a different slang, it's like, as I read the stay with the devil I know, then they're known. Mm hmm. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Or, you know, kind of like choosing what you're going to engage, you're going to engage the negative energy or the positive energy, it's like you have a devil and an angel on your shoulder or there's like, you know, if you're into Star Wars, there's the dark side and the light side. So you're going to go with the on stay on the Darth Vader side, or go with a Jedi is and be a Jedi warrior. So it's really it's about choice as for each of us to make that the more that we're choosing things that are in alignment and keep us more in that right region of the brain, the more likely the outcomes will be desirable. Indeed, yes. It's like you mentioned meditation and manifesting, that is the key to it. Have we just, you have to approach to the way that works best for your mind? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And the beauty with these kinds of neurosensory repetitions of just focusing on breath, just focusing on touch, even like when you're eating, you can focus just on this sensation of the food in your mouth. That's considered a repetition. So you know, doing that is so easy to do, because you can do it anytime, anywhere. It's not like you're stressed and you're in a meeting and you're like, excuse me, I have to go leave and go to my you know, yoga meditation corner, like you can do it while you're sitting there. Focus on your toes wiggling are focused on Leo, whoever speaking in their, their nose, looking at it as if you've ever seen a nose before and just, you know, complete focus on that. It quiets that mental chatter. It really does. So your signals just went completely red on a can we cut the cameras? Yeah, no problem. Yeah, you just went completely, dummy. So you have the mental, the focusing on someone's nose and all that, that's brilliant, I have actually haven't thought about it that way. So what would be the perspective and point of view for just like focusing on the nose or someone's ears like that. So then what you're doing is, you know, once again, taking your attention to a singular sensory experience. And when you're doing that, and you're focusing only on that, then it quiets the left region of the brain, it calms the parasympathetic nervous system, and so then you're able to create a shift that is very noticeable. That then brings you into being able to access that right region of the brain, more of you know, kind of that, that Jedi mindset of calmness and clarity, focus, as well as compassion, curiosity, and patience. So it's not about looking at life through rose colored glasses. It's not like, okay, we're gonna ignore what seems negative. But it's about saying like, okay, here's an opportunity to really explore to get curious rather than seeing it as, Oh, no, this is trouble and then you're operating from fight or flight survival mode? Yes, the fight or flight one, a lot of people don't realize they're even in it. Would you agree? Um, yeah, a lot of people, they, they don't, they're just kind of, you know, pushing through it. And that's the thing, if we feel like we're pushing, then that means that we're being driven by that fight or flight, if we're feeling pulled towards something, that's where there's resonance, that's where there's no calmness and oftentimes, like, you know, my kids are ones that will sometimes trigger me I'm tired or I'm trying to work or I'm, you know, feeling anxious about something and then they'll need something and so, you know, I'll do one of these repetitions. Just touching my you know, fingertips together and the gentle circles and able to be calm and be the parent that I want to be with them as far as just being present and compassionate by quieting that whole left region that says, I need to do this. Now they're interrupting me, and this is a problem. And it's just, you know, it's that calming effect that has been hugely powerful, the more and more that I've practiced it. And with clients, I also I offer a six week program that I take them through that is designed to help strengthen one's mental fitness with the accompaniment of videos and guided practices that I've experienced. And it's been like, hugely powerful for clients and teams that I've met through it. And so you know, this is all science based. It's not like, Oh, that sounds interesting. This is based on research with over 500,000 participants, including Stanford athletes, see people from all different countries, all different backgrounds. And so yeah, this is something that is really significant. It is and it's, it's one of those not many really want to talk about it. Because then it's the perception Oh, someone thinks I'm gonna be an imposter. I can't keep my shit together kind of thing. Yeah. Yeah. And you know, and then to try to like, just hide it and not talk about it. It's not doing anyone any good. And it's just compounding that situation. And that the challenge, and there are so many people who are high achievers that I've talked to, and you know, they've had this imposter syndrome, worrying that they're going to be caught as a fraud or founds out. And so then feedback that they're getting is that, yeah, you're doing great work. But we need you to be doing more, we need you to be doing more around strategy and vision, and showing up more fully as a leader. And so in order to step into that, then there's this opportunity to say, Okay, I'm going to be okay with being vulnerable and for asking for support for the sake of experiencing what I want professionally, rather than, you know, just continuing to let myself be controlled by it by that imposter syndrome and not being willing to take those chances. And be willing to take the chances with courage and confidence that you know what, this is kind of new and unfamiliar. But I think I've got it rather than like, I don't know what the hell I'm doing. Yes, that is very true. Yeah, actually, I want to cut it right there. That was brilliant. You want it? Is there anything you want to plug or like a blood shape for your audience? Thanks for asking. And for those that are interested in learning more, I am interacting with me My website is coach Leisha calm, it's Li s h A. And for listeners, I am happy to offer a complimentary success boosting session. And that's a whole 60 minute session where we will talk about you know what's challenging what's coming up for you, and help bring value with that for you to experience and take forward. And I also have the six week program where listeners can learn more about that on the mental fitness tab. And that's on my website. And I can also be reached through Twitter and Instagram at Leisha, or sorry coach underscore, Leisha, and on Facebook at coach Leisha, as well as on LinkedIn. We shed a bit of it's um, but most people reach out to me like through the website, Instagram, Twitter, sometimes my coach leesha Facebook page. So that's a ways to find me and wonderful, happy to help. I will also send you an email after this. So you can send me all the links and any extras we didn't get to. Absolutely, I'm happy to do so. Wonderful. Thank you, Alicia. It's been a pleasure. We definitely got to get you on in future. Thank you. I appreciate that. And for those that are curious about their mental fitness there is I'm happy to share with you a free five minute assessment you can reach out to me for that link. It's a pretty cool assessment where it tells you like how you tend to self sabotage like I have a pleaser, a stickler, and a hyper achiever that tends to trigger me and learning more about them and their origins and that justification lies was hugely insightful and powerful for me. So I'm happy to share that link as an added value to those that reach out. I'm sure there's going to be a lot that will. Great. Thank you. I appreciate you. Stay safe and stay well. Thank you so much. You too. Bye bye.