Today on the show, we have Morgana Rae; we go into mindset over money and the notorious money monster. We have built for ourselves how to slay these money monsters properly.
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/The_Josh_Bolton_Show)
Welcome, everybody. I wanted to make a little quick introduction to introduce me and the guests because we kind of just went right into it and didn't even do like a formal exchange of ourselves. So our guest today is Morgana Ray. And we're going to talk about money mindset. We get a little bit into history, theology, all sorts of fun stuff. It just didn't went everywhere. She was absolute blast. I'm definitely getting her on and future kind of thing, like, too much fun. And I personally had a huge revolution, mindset shift from this wonderful woman. So get your popcorn and enjoy the next three and a half hours. See you at the end. Welcome to the Josh Bolton show, where we dive in interesting and inspiring conversation. And now your host, Josh Bolton. So So tell me about yourself and what you do. I've been a coach for 27 years, I started coaching people in the entertainment industry actors, writers, producers had a lot of success there. in achieving results for them great reputation, I'm really, really good at marketing. And I sucked at getting paid or asking for money and getting people to give it to me, it was like a monumental disaster. And so in 2003, after I already had too many coaching certifications, and too many classes in marketing and too many classes and sales and all that crap, I finally just had like a meltdown. Like I was helping I was making living in Los Angeles and, and at my lowest point, barely making $100 a month and still getting on planes to like if I have more skills that will answer the problem and more classes and a coach, and nothing was working and nobody knew why. And I you know, and then on the you know, blue side, I had the most beautiful vision board, oh my god, and you know, mantras and mindsets and all that. Bull, I don't know if this is airing. So I'm going to censor myself just fine. of bullshit like total. By the way, I do love to swear like a sailor. Perfect. So I'm really, and I was on By the way, I was on coast to coast radio a few years back and I said crap, and I got into so much trouble for that. And I thought I was being like, it's middle of the night. So I thought you know I'll and but so I tried to be careful, just in case. But anyways, so I like nothing was working. And I was out of hope. And I had a conversation with my coach the next day. And he said he just said the weirdest thing to me because he just said, Oregon, if your money was a person, who would your money be. And the money that showed up in my mind's eye was, like so frightening to me that suddenly everything made sense. Like years of good grades, being an overachiever, being a good girl doing everything I was told, applying everything instantly doesn't mean a thing. If unlike some deep subconscious level, you are protecting yourself from any money or anything as if your life depended on it. And within 24 hours for people charged you, for people hired me a double what I'd ever charged before. And that began a process of pivoting over the next two years. Were now like the pain door, like the entry door for transformation, his relationship with money, because then anything we do around business choices are going to get better results. Even if you aren't, like visibly doing anything differently. Like you just have healthier boundaries and a different sense of yourself. But also like I have stories of I have this one client, Pam, who by the way, shell bought my workbook two years in a row and had her first quarter of a million dollars in sales just during the workbook before hiring me. And then yeah, right. You know, talk about a an ideal client application. Did all the hard work. I'll just take the money's there. All right. This is what we do now. Well She was she's just gray color an ideal client is there are a bunch of people who are just effortless, and, and fun fun to coach. And so we just spent two, you're plugging up all the other energy like leaks and dramas in her business where she actually bought the business that she used to work for and make all that money for. And it also, her own sense of financial security and safety and positive relationship with the world made her finally feel safe to marry her, her boyfriend the last seven years, which has been a very happy decision. And then more drama came up and she was able to purchase that company valued at $2 million for like, $80,000 dollars cash. So you know, this, this is what I do. I help people solve problems and get better results. And, and better lives. And we pretend that I'm coaching them on their relationship with money, and they get good money results, so I can pretend with integrity. But it's never really about the money. Right? That's what I do. And I've been a coach for 27 years. And good luck getting an elevator speech how to me? That was the brilliant elevator speech right there. Well, we were stuck between floors for a while, probably. No, that's awesome. I just, yeah. Your comment about the not getting paid for like only like 100 bucks a month. That was like, kind of where I met is like shit. I know, I have talent, but like I need to be charging. And it's like the How do I reasonably ask for more money kind of thing? Oh, I'm your person for that. Awesome, have we begun yet? Because I can just keep going. Just go for it. Okay, so here's the thing. And by the way, this is a lifetime thing for myself where I keep having to check in with myself clean up my relationship with money and take the next step. So where back when I hit like, like 12 step or save bottom, like if money were my 12 step disease, I hit bottom in March of 2003, which is a good place to be because it's at the bottom that you can push off and come back up. So some of us are just built to make money and not care about people. Yeah, so it's really, really easy. And by the way, sociopaths have the easiest time of it. But I'm not talking to sociopaths. And I'm not working with sociopaths. So for the people who care and we don't want to hurt anybody. We need a really really different relationship with money so that we can feel good charging and our clients can feel good charging and also walk away feeling like they got the deal of the century no matter what they paid. I i when i i think the first time I charge $10,000 for my my retreat in Bali, which is just for women. Apologies. Oh, darn. Okay, and it's now it's 15,000. But the women went around the island after the retreat, telling strangers how much they paid and telling strangers that I undercharged. So that's like the happiest relation, and they've come back and hired me for other things. And I'm like, in love with them forever. And that's why I keep doing my retreats. So for you, to answer your question. We need to delve into your relationship with money. Because if you're like me, and it sounds like you are you love people you love helping, and if love and helping and all of your highest values, and why do you want to be alive, you know, is playing on one team and money is on the other, you're always going to lose. So what we need to do is we need to speak to your unconscious and get both on the same team. And you can't do that just by rational thinking. I wish I wish I wish I was raised by lawyers and scientists. I wish it was just like a mindset shift. And for anybody listening or watching who's into mindset, great, do whatever works for you, but did not work for me. I don't think mindset really works because if it did, I don't think we would ever go on a diet again because we just know what to do in our mind. New Year's resolution Yay, yay. So for you, what we want to do is we want to, it's like the reverse of what all of your law of attraction people will tell you. You can just you can, oh my god, I, you may be too young from Monty Python, but I grew up on that. Okay, so you know, the scene of the holy grail where the white knight and the Black Knight are warring, and the Black Knight is like, no legs, no arms, bleeding to death, just saying it's just a flesh. Right. And to me, that's positive thinking. It's just a flesh word. I'm rich, as they're carrying my furniture out of the house and repossessing my car, you know, like, it doesn't fix it doesn't, right. So what we want to do is like, take a look at what's really going on. And it's almost like a slingshot, we're going to really take a look at what is in the way and go really deep in that direction, because that's what creates the tension that pulls us over to where we really want to be, but we can't get there by lying. So we need to start by getting really, really honest about everything that isn't working. And it looks in the beginning, like it's about money, because money is very dramatic. And money gets our attention and money can be really scary. And not just if you weren't making money. I have coached clients with hundreds of millions of dollars. With fine who are up at night, worried about something trivial, not trivial at all, when when the when the money is that big, the stakes are huge. But there may be other stages, I'm gonna interject here, it's like for them, what seems to us like a trivial thing to them. It's a huge because it's like owning pulling fall falling on the workplace. For us commoners, they all it's nothing for him, it's like back up half my fortune right there if they fall. Well, and I'm thinking of one client in particular, why hard worker grew up or by the way, I know a few billionaires who all the billionaires I know started out poor, especially the ones I've coached. And this one client started out poor, worked so hard, overcame so many obstacles. hat is in that like, tippy top 1%. But how, you know, there's still drama, they're still worried about having enough for the remainder of their lives and taking care of family and meeting obligations and living the way they want to live. I've had clients who want to sell their businesses and that can become very dramatic. You know, when you've spent and worked so hard and sacrifice so much to make that much, and the fear of losing it. And then I've also I was in an interview earlier this week with the, the the sudden wealth problem, where people come into wealth so quickly, that they haven't grown to expand to it. So they get rid of it, they blow it and by the way, that is the norm not the exception. And suddenly, you have all this money and you're the bank. And everybody wants a piece of people who are your friends for life suddenly are looking at you differently. And that creates an unconscious motivation to get rid of it to spend it, get rid of it by love. And all of a sudden, it's gone, which is really horrible. So we don't want that to happen either. So I'm just saying that, you know, drama and pain can happen. anywhere along the journey. Just be and and there's because of what money represents. Because money really, really really represents our safety, our power, our agency, our choice, our security, our value, how people treat us all this like really deep, deep, deep stuff. Any insecurity you have with your own worth or with the world at large, you're going to carry it with you no matter how much you make. And that's why we say people who can never have enough who I will feel rich when I have six figures, I make six figures. It's not a lot in Los Angeles, seven figures, but it's only 1 million, you know, and it just keeps perpetuating. So let's go back to you. Okay. How do you feel better charging work. So I, what happened for me? And then I reverse engineered it is a process I now call financial alchemy. So my coach back to my story. I am the most nonlinear host or sorry guest you will ever have apologies, Josh. Hello. It's great. All right. So Miko said, if your money were a person who was your money being because I was in a really dark despairing, I just don't even want to play on this planet anymore. Take me off. I give up. I hate you all. I don't want to be here. That place. So he asked me if my money was a person who would my money be. And I suddenly saw this big, scary, dirty, violent, terrifying biker who's like, oh, Danger, danger, like all of the fights in my family over money. And all of the times that people chose money over love and chose money over me and rejected and unfairness in the world. And just all this stuff that I didn't really even have to unpack I because I was already in that horrible place where it just wasn't good enough to live. And it was all unfair, and all that kind of stuff. So I saw this horrible guy. And suddenly it made perfect sense that no matter what I did, I was pushing money away unconsciously. And I had never known I was doing it. So every email, every strategy session, every public speaking, where people came and actually wanted to hire me, and they would ask me how much I would charge. And all this freakout would rise up inside of me. All this guilt and shame and embarrassment to talk money. And whatever I said, what they heard what was what I was feeling in my own discomfort, and that's what was repelling people. That was my situation then, right? So I knew there was just no way if that biker guy was my money, there was no way that I could that I was ever going to change. Because he was that scary. And I had no clue that I felt that way about money until I made it a person. Because we can talk about money beliefs for hours, and it will be fascinating. And it won't change a thing. No, not. Right, because it's intellectual masturbation, pretty much like I said, right? So. So what we need is we need a real experience. And we human beings have real experiences with human beings. And we've had good experiences, and we've had really, really bad experiences. And those bad experiences come in handy for this, because it's like, Ooh, yeah, that's not going to change. We can't we cannot be together, I need to get rid of him because he can't be my money. And that all imagination, but it feels real emotionally. It's real. Our brain can't tell the difference between real and imagination. There's a part of us the witness that can otherwise we're in danger of a psychotic split. So but emotionally experientially, it's it's real to us and produces real results. Because unconsciously, our unconscious really can't tell the difference. That's why we have the frontal lobe to pay attention. So I got rid of the biker. Okay. Yay, yay. Oh, heck, stronger language in my mind. Because I just got rid of my only relationship with money. And I live in Los Angeles, and I can't just reject money and live in Los Angeles. So new problem, every every solution has a new problem, because that's how we grow. Right? Um, so I realized I needed a relationship with money. But I felt so shell shocked from the earlier one, and how, like how much I just wanted to die from the one before that I wasn't in a rush to jump into another relationship because I didn't want one like that. So I thought to myself, well, who could I want in my life who could be so wonderful and so safe and so kind and so lovely? Who could I want so much in my life, that I'd be willing to have a relationship even if it was money. And I was on a roll that day, because I'm usually not a good visualizer visualizer but it was just wanting to happen. And I suddenly saw this cute, hot, beautiful, romantic, tall, dark, handsome, Hardy and a tuxedo and a bouquet of red flowers who was in love with me in the most respectful, sweet way, holding a bouquet of red flowers. And I got this sudden insight into how I've been pushing him away for so many years while he wanted to be with me. Because I was like, ooh, monster shoe, and and how much that hurt him. And how much I didn't want to hurt him because he was so sweet and lovely and kind and loving. Which by the way, all of which was totally weird because I'd never ever in my life imagine money as being this nice person who loved me and wanted to be with me. And cute and romantic, right? Just you know who thinks that way? So, pointing a finger at myself, obviously. Yeah. So, um, so I had a conversation with this guy, and I, because I got a sense that he wanted to be with me. And I was pushing them away. So I asked them, What do you need from me, so that you can be with me the way you want to be? And this is the cool thing about making things people is when you ask a question, they answer. Yep. So he said to me, at that time, I need you to love me and stop treating me like a monster. And it was so sweet. And I always feel compelled to address like, the elephant in the room that love of money is the root of all evil. Um, first of all, yeah, I would say Not really. But it was a what's your, what's yours? Okay, two things. I have a friend in England to take took a class in the ancient Aramaic, which is the actual language of the original Old Testament Bible. Okay. And that's not what it says. In the original language. In the original words. It said the worship of money is going to cause you problems. Right? To which I would say, Yeah, right. Yeah, and, obviously. And there's a really big difference between worshipping money as a god to the detriment of other human beings, which is what it was talking about. It was like worship money and not feeding your slaves. Well, first, let's not have slates, okay, let's get that out of the 121. Let's skip that problem right now. Let's let's just not do that people. Okay. And, and love. Love is never evil. Love doesn't hurt others. Love is not exploitation. Love is not greed, or avarice, love is not scarcity. Love, real love is not. Not at the expense of others. That's not love. Love is not using others. Or Love is the opposite. Love is expensive. And it's generous. And it's kind and it's Noble. And there's kind of this, my cup overflows. And so there's kind of the selfless, just service quality of the love. And we also want to apply love to ourselves, because love is valuing. But it's not. It's not. You know, the biggest thing is it's not exploitative. Right? So, when I talk about love, I'm talking about love. And so this relationship with this money guy was I'm not loving him because I want anything from him. I'm not it's not a What have you done for me lately? Or give me a car kind of love. It's a love that's like, wow, you're just such a good kind, you know, yummy force of like, goodness yourself. If I were writing this, I would totally edit that sentence. You know, flowing, it's all good. Exactly, exactly. It's like because you are trustworthy and worthy of my deepest love and admiration. That's why I love you. Because I don't want to hurt you. Because your kindness and your love and your generosity and you're sweet and you're nice and you're cute and I want you around that kind of love. And stop treating him like a monster and it just like clicked in like every time somebody said, Well, how do you work which it took me years to figure out that that's code for what do you charge? It was like so slow on this like spectrum of, like business competency. Um, I like to help people that's what I do. You know that that's, that's the easy part. The fun part, the joy part. That's why I focus on money because that was where I needed to grow and add love and joy and ease and kindness. So when somebody would ask me, What do you charge? I'd have like this huge like freakout, like do you, you know, don't look at the scary, embarrassing monster Just love me. I wish we didn't have to deal with it. So I could just help you. Which think of that if I was like, Josh, I just wish you didn't exist? Well, if you want to stick around, that's not loving. So I had to make a decision. That next time you brought me a gift, I would would usually look like somebody wanted to hire me or give me money. I would just go. Thank you. And then when I would say this is what I charge, I wish I would say it with the energy of Isn't he beautiful? Or in your case, depending on your preference? Isn't she beautiful? Or are they beautiful? Put in the pronoun for yourself? Yeah, mine was a guy. So I talk like that. But I've coached every variation, it really is not exclusive at all. So go ahead, I see a question first. Oh, I was just gonna say my, the reason I brought that up is like, I'm coming to realize the journey quickly talking to all these people, awesome people like you. That route for me was I felt I was under qualified for whatever I was doing. So if I was under qualified, I under charge kind of thing. I didn't realize that was like the Oh, I'm like way up here. But I feel like I'm here. That's been the perspective shift for me. Yes. So first of all, yay, you Josh, because what I heard is you have such a deep need for integrity, that you're afraid of hurting somebody or charging more than you should, which I think is really, really important. Right? And I'm I'm so on your team and with you and exactly like you in that regard. Thank you. And it's also out of integrity to under charge. And here's why and how you're stealing from your clients when you under charge. There is a few things going on. And I first learned it back in what in 2007, I got an email from a total stranger said, You know, I don't even believe your testimonials because you're charging too little. By that time. I was MIT I was, I already had money, honey, I was already making more money than I ever had before. I was, you know, fully self supporting and traveling around the world. But I was also still charging way, way too little for what I did. And I started getting first I got that email from the stranger. And then I got more messages from other people that I needed to raise my rate and I was fighting it, fighting it. And then I had a couple months where nobody would hire me. And I started sending out emails like this is your last chance to get me at this rate. And it was just landing like a level of nobody was hiring me. And then I was at a conference. And a woman said, you know, for what you do, you need to be charging a minimum of 1500 a session. And I was like, whoa. And I tried it as a science experiment. And 20 people hired me that month. And I had I guess my first $30,000 month and then I had my first $50,000 month and I made my I had I had my first six figure quarter just by that one adjustment. And the reason I say that story, and by the way, this is like we're still talking about like price points that are 15 years old, and I don't charge anywhere, anything like that now. But when you shift into whatever is the integrity number, you suddenly become really attractive. You do not want to appeal to the bargain hunters because your best clients like everybody totally wants to get a good deal. We do we do. We want to be responsible. We want to be good custodians of our of our money because that's a good relationship with money. And at the same time, we want to appeal to the value seekers which is very, very, very different. You want to get a very clear picture of the cost of knowledge Working with you how many hundreds or 1000s or hundreds of hundreds of 1000s of dollars over the course of a lifetime? Does not solving your problem cost a person? How much pain are they in, in my case, it's not just the money lost, but it's the will to live. Right? You know, when you're just beaten down and when life is scary, and and, and you're just exhausted hitting that ceiling and all that kind of stuff. So you really just want to take a look at the true value. And sometimes I find it helpful to take you, Josh and your feelings about yourself at this moment out of the equation. Because if you're like me, how I feel about myself is going to change minute to minute to minute, depending on you know how I woke up that morning, right? But take a look at the clients you've loved most and what they've said about you keep a file. Okay. Imagine what you do for people is like, you know, like I make money in entity. What if you're working your business was an entity also. interesting topic. Yeah, that would, like you said, the human aspect would have helped me rationalized better, how to adjust accordingly. Like, imagine your business was a woman. Okay. If you like women, I have no idea. You don't have to do it. It's okay. Okay. Like a beautiful woman. And how does she feel about how she's being treated in the relationship? Interesting. Is she being respected? Wow, that brought a whole new dynamics to what I was just thinking about, like, that shifted everything. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah, yeah, that would be the way I'm going about it would be very disrespectful, because I'm not. I have a very unique good skill set. And I've actually asked people outright, like, would you pay this much money? Plus a plane ticket? And you have me for like, a month like I could, I'll collect it. All the stuff? And they're like, Yeah, absolutely. Like only 10,000. And I'm like, Oh, well, that's a good baseline to know that. I was like, I personally wouldn't charge. I wouldn't charge that much. So like, dude, you're good. Here, another thing to think about is knowing what you do, and knowing the results. If you were to, like, go back into time, when you needed the help that you provide, okay, knowing what you do. How quickly would you dish out $10,000? There would be no questions asked, because what everyone I've talked to, because they're like, dude, you're, you're like that guy. You understand business? And if the one I asked his business was struggling, but am I let's say, hypothetically, your business is struggling? Would you pay me $10,000? And if you wanted me in person, the plane ticket? Would you pay it? And he's like, Yeah, because I know you will actually fix my problem. And you'll give me an extremely detailed report on what's going wrong. Okay, now I'm going to be a little more stretchy, okay. Knowing what you know, and what you've done for your clients. Okay, with you, knowing how much money they're going to make over a lifetime and how much lost you've saved them. How quickly would you write a check for $50,000 to be your own client? No ifs, ands or buts done. Right. Okay, how quickly would you write a check for $100,000? See, that's where I'm having a bit of a tension point. Okay. So that's not your number yet? Not yet. Which is fine. We're not like in a big like, Dick swinging contest who has the biggest which by the way, goes on so much in the loftiest most spiritual circles of personal development, you have no idea or you probably do, I do. bagel surprise for me. It's not about that. And honestly, those people because I've belonged to over the years, when we were doing this kind of stuff, pre COVID. I was in a, you know, mastermind group after group of like, everybody in the group was already making seven figures. And it was really nice to like, get together in roundtables where I was, you know, where I could be with peers and not feel like I'm the smartest person in the room, although I don't normally but you know, as a coach, I'm usually in the Let's focus on your challenge role, right? Because that's my job. And here we go Hold on challenge with that. And it could be just a bunch of peers and I, and I could, you know, not have it all together. So I really liked those groups for that. But there was also tended to be a Valley's disconnect with a lot of people in the room. And I've noticed that those people who were like, the biggest stars, their businesses have imploded even before COVID, that you know, that they've, they've gone out of business, they're selling their houses and moving to other states there, it's, and I don't wish any of them any harm, but I'm seeing a market correction. And I and I think that there was just a lot of ego involved. And a lot of $100,000 tickets that main, you know, whether it's worth it or not, is totally not my call, that's like, only a client can determine whether that's worth it. But what I really like about you is that you are checking in with yourself first, to make sure that you're going to meet the value. And here's the thing. And by the way, my goal here is not like if you turn around tomorrow, and you start charging $50,000, and you have a bunch of happy clients, yay, I'm thrilled. Wonderful, right. But the point is not how much you can get, because here's the other part of the equation, which is really, really important for you to know, is every time you raise your rate, if you're a person with integrity, and a person who cares about your clients, is going to put a lot of pressure on you to deliver more value to justify it to make sure that you aren't hurting anybody. Right. And that's a good thing. Because it will make you better. Right, and you will get better results because you need to give more than you get. And I'm only speaking to people who think that way. This is like the conversation I've been needing No, there truly is. And this is just so much good stuff. You're just dropping for everyone. Yeah, we haven't even really gotten into my process, which is fine, because I think this is where we needed to go. We'll get into it later. Okay. And and it's also I have, you know, I can point you to like free resources on my website to like, go through the steps and dive deep into those if we for whatever we don't get to cover today. Right? I but I but I will tell you what the steps are like I told you my own story, right? So the first step is uncover the root cause of the block. And the root cause of your money blocks are never really money, or your money story. And they're you know, lots and lots of coaches saying change your money story, change your life, great slogan, great marketing. And if it works great. But I've coached 1000s of people who had didn't work for, and it didn't work for me. So it's, I find that the root cause is always behind the money and what money represents, like you were talking? And you really nailed it when when it was that that question of being good enough to charge. So that that is really really one of the core. The core wounds, core pains, core questions is anything that is ever made you feel not good enough, not worthy, not loved, or not safe. Especially stuff that doesn't look like it has to do with money, but it will because that's all money represents. His worth love and safety. I mean, that's why he Oh, Mike, that's that's why people just can never have enough because no matter how much you have, you're still mortal. Right? So we need to feel safe. And then suddenly we do feel a certain sense of fullness and security. And then we make decisions based on opportunity and core values instead of based on fear. And we're way smarter when we're relaxed and feeling happy and safe and loved. It's like the reptile part of the brain relaxes and the frontal lobe where all of our genius resides wakes up and we create create have solutions that save the world. So that's that's what really what this is all about. So, the step number one, uncover the root cause of your money block, which by the way, big secret will also work on, you know, if you're struggling with love, or with a health issue or anything, I believe, like life primarily gets our attention through three teachers, which are love, money and health. I use money as my pain door because it affects everything else. And it makes a great monster really easy. So root cause anything that has ever made you feel not good enough not loved or unsafe, especially if it doesn't look like it has to do with money like accidents, things, you're ashamed of horrible things that somebody said to you, or you said to you, all of that goes in struggles with weight, especially for women body issues is so like tied in with our value, throw that in there. Step number two is now imagine that there's a person who is responsible for all this bad stuff. Step number one is like you're building a court case against life and existence and all the things that make you feel not good here, like you don't belong, or you don't want to be here. Now imagine there's like a monstrous puppet master, who has been orchestrating everything just to make you miserable. And to not want to live that step number two, is a big leap of imagination to go from all the problem and then blame it on something outside yourself. It's important, and that will become really clear. And step number three, and you want to make it as real as possible, just like that biker was like, whoo, I never knew that I felt that way about money. But it was really life. But we call it money, because that's the area that we're focusing on. So that's you, you create your money, you personify the root cause and turn it into your money monster make it as real as possible. The worse it is, the better the person with the worst biggest monster wins. Because that creates the most motivation to create a change of dramatic change that lasts. And I like drama. I'm such a drama queen when it comes to this process. Because I love the big results on the other end. Step number three, is you obliterate and annihilate this imaginary monster by whatever means necessary. This is why it's not you. And it's also not your parents, even if you had parents who are monstrous. We don't I'm not going to ask you to pretend to kill your parents because A, it's not believable, and they gave you life. And I think that, you know, you just want a monster that you can destroy completely leave no bits and not feel any conflict. And also, if your parents are still alive, how can you you know, it's just not gonna work. Or I don't recommend it. Let's make it easy, shall we say? Like, if you put that kind of energy I was not like the law of attraction, but if you put that energy out, it might the universe might fulfill it for you. So just don't do it. Yeah, I just am not talking to parent killers here. And and and I've coached some people with really really, really like horror movie monsters, parents, so I get it really. And we're going to imagine the monster use them to hurt you. Okay, because you get to be good. But the main thing is the monster is really dangerous. Even though it's imaginary, its effects mirror. This experience of life which tells you that you're worthless, unlovable, and are unsafe or have no right to exist. So we want to really this is the alchemy. Why I don't teach law of attraction, but I teach alchemy. alchemy is the transmutation of lead into gold lead and human experience into spiritual and material gold. And the first step of classical alchemy going back 1000s of years, it's called an agreed do it's it's simply the separating of what does not belong. So we're separating it so that we can say, purify it, get rid of it. And that's step number three is just get rid of it completely. And that creates a vacuum like, Yeah, I got rid of my relationship with money. Now, what are we going to put here so that another monster doesn't fill that spot? And that's where we in the moment? You do it in instantly immediately. As soon as you get rid of the monster. It's like, wow, it's gone. That feels so weird because I've had a monster my whole life. What And it may feel light and it may feel expansive and wonderful and it may feel scary, it may even feel grief, all of which is great, you're doing great. Any of those responses home run, yeah, you and then you want to meet the honey. And the new money person, we'll call it money will not feel like money at all. It will feel like love, the embodiment of love. I prefer a lover kind of archetype. Because lovers are equals you can break your money honey start. If because of trauma in your background, you can't go there right away fine. But just know that whoever your money honey is he or she is not going to be an aggressor. And you always set the pace in the relationship because your money honey loves you and once you safe and happy. So you want it but a quick note. I because I have this on a recording, um, years ago, I did a live demo and and the the stranger host coaching her first iteration of her money, honey was Jesus. And my response was, is that a sexy Jesus? Question? Right? Because the thing is, is I'm here on earth and Jesus is bigger and up there and far away. And we are not tears, right? It's just like, that's why Oprah like my money. He's not Oprah, you know, because I want somebody that I like, who who respects me. Right and and is a partner. So lovers have that kind of in a healthy love relationship, your partners, your co partners, so we want that kind of intimacy. So actually, she was like, No, and then she ended up with Antonio Banderas which is way way way better, way better, right. So that's that's step four as you meet your money honey then as I said, because it feels so real. Like you can feel the warmth of the body of this other person hear what the other person has to say breathe in what you know the aroma of this yummy other person and love the sense of scent because it's just so not intellectual. It's completely like emotional, which has a lot more power then then you can have a conversation and the the question that I like in the beginning because it worked for me is what do you need for me to so you can stay with me? Which is a very different question than what do you need from me so you can love me? Then number one rule of money honey is your money honey already loves you. As you are, sees who you really are underneath all the I like the word mishegoss. All the nonsense, insecurity neurosis, all that just like sees you as your true self, your best self is in love with you. So that that's there. And if that isn't there, it's another monster. It's just a monster and a cute dress, get rid of it, start over. Okay, um, and have that conversation. And then then really, really important. final step is action. Number six is action. Because if you want physical, real world results you need to take and this is sort of a law of magic, is you need to take some sort of physical action and it doesn't have to be obvious. It can be totally out of left field. But it's like you made an agreement with your money, honey, your money honey was like Yeah, that's great. all smiles and beaming heavy energy. And it's a new by keeping your commitment. You tell yourself that you are trustworthy and that this relationship is changed and you're committed to the change. And that is usually it's you know, sometimes things happen before the action I've had people get job offers while they were on the phone with me. But I've also had like all these examples of clients who they made an agreement. I want you to go walking you know money honey wants you to go walking out in the sunshine. I don't make it up. They just tell me like my money. Honey wants me to go take a walk and I was like, Okay, do it by when. And I have this amazing client up in Canada who Janet Who? You know. So they made this agreement, but she was so stressed about money and had so much work to do that she just put it off for a week and gotten nowhere. Got no clients doing everything you know that you're supposed to do to get clients She finally finally finally went out, went on a walk, met two people who hired her more than she had ever charged before. Who knows why, but there's just something that changes. And maybe it won't immediately. Maybe it won't immediately. And by the way, this is something you can repeat over and over again, I, a client of mine is now just like on the cover of a newspaper because her music is playing at a big venue in New York and Massachusetts, amazing spiritual music. I coached her way back in 2007. And she has such like a tight daily relationship with our money, honey, and she has slayed new money monsters over and over again, as dramatic things happen. And then she has new money honeys, and she and I congratulated her on this huge thing that's going on with her music career. And she said it's because it's her money, honey every day, just step by step, making agreements with her money, honey every day, all these years later. And you may not see an instant result some people do some people don't. You get the results when you're supposed to get them, you know, in divine timing. But even when you're anxious, it's like really easy to have a great relationship with money. When everything is easy. It's also really easy to get complacent and stop talking to your money, honey. And sometimes, because it's time for you to grow or take your next step. You get a wake up call. Well, everything was going so smoothly, and now it's not. Hmm, maybe I need to check and see if I have a new Money Monster or, well, here's an idea. Maybe I should talk to my money, honey. and say, Hey, what's going on? Oh, I noticed I'm pushing you away. What do you what do you want me to do? How can we get close again? What would make you know? And then just see what happens. And if you aren't hearing the money, honey, then that's usually a good signal to Oh, maybe. Maybe I need to slay a new Monster. I like to say that the bed is not big enough for the three of you and the monster will always cop block the honey so you need to get rid of it. Because I'm a really professional money coach and I say things like I just was not expecting that at all. I know I look I don't look like I would say that dude. You're like a cute little happy, like, almost like a cheerleader and it's like talk walk away from a client when said that, that I look like a fairy who likes to say fuck. I try to restrain myself, but I guess it's okay. In the culture of your show. Yeah, I just let the people talk how they want to talk kind of thing can fit a little adult. Sorry, we see bad things kind of thing going. Yeah. Abundance for people over 18 under 18. Please try not to listen to this. Yeah, try because you'll never hear these words anywhere else. Pretty much fun. Was it good for you? Oh, 100% good. Yeah, it was just as I've seen here, like thinking of all this stuff, and I'm like, as you keep saying, find your money, honey. Like that's totally going to be the title of this now. Well, here's the thing, cuz I've tried it. I had a client who was like, Can we skip the money, honey? And it was like, okay, or sorry, can we stick skip the Money Monster and was like, we can try it. And in my experience, it doesn't work. Like everybody would love to just go Oh, money is this hot lover. Yay, great. But it's like, I'm trying to like a rocket trying to break free of gravity without any fuel or momentum. Yeah. And the monsters actually really useful. It will kill you if you don't address it, but it's also really really useful because it's the portal of transformation. It going and going really deep into all the the pains and wounds of the of the root cause like you know, all of my positive thinking healthy, well adjusted, people take off that hat and just temporarily put on your victim hat because anything that you've ever felt bad about you Get to use it, you get to take it to the bank literally you what it's what a shame to go through really difficult experiences and not make them useful. So you, you get to create the momentum. It's it again, it's that leverage. And from a neurological point of view, you know, there is the theory that if you do the same thing with a lot of effort, for a really long time, you may change a habit may but it is far more effective to have a an intense experience that creates an A, that lights up your neurology like ooh, big scary Money Monster, it lights up all your neurology and then it's like, you have this record that you've been playing your whole life of this is reality, this is my experience. And what you get to do in that moment of peak experience, is scratched the record lay down a new track, just like, you know, you may have taken the same route to work every day. And then you see something scary, or have an experience and you just don't want to go down that street again, you don't have to think about it you just or or you take a route to work every day. And then you find a shortcut. You don't need 21 days to make a decision, I'm going to take the shortcut, right, so change happens. Instantly interchange happens instantly. outter change can take more time because there are more pieces involved. But even that can happen really fast when you stop pushing what you want away, because we don't know how much of it is out there and how much of it is in you until we change in you. And one of my favorite things to say is change happens at the speed of safety. So when we make it safe to make money, and safe to keep money, and safe to have really good relationships, safe to have love, safe to have health, all that kind of stuff. Things happen can happen really quickly. Especially with money, when like part of it not being safe is you don't want to hurt anybody and have that on your conscience. You don't want to have unhappy clients, you don't want to be sued, you don't want to get a reputation, you don't want to be a bad person. Right. So we need to create an internal environment where you get to be a better person, and have happier clients with better results. And less drama, and less rejection and less pain by having this beautiful money honey worthy of your love, who's on your team who wants to be in your life. So now you have two gorgeous women, you've got your business who you don't want to disrespect, right, and your money, honey who wants to be in your life and you don't want to break her heart by pushing you away. And here's the kicker, they both share your values. They both believe in fairness, they both want you to have really happy clients and save the world. So they, they don't want you doing stuff that's out of integrity. You don't have to you don't have to do any sort of, and this is really big, is there are so many super manipulative sales tricks that are taught right manipulations to like, somebody has a hesitation, maybe they're not the right fit or they have a concern. And there are all these scripts for like shaming them and scaring them into taking an action that they might regret. You. When you come from a relationship with money in a relationship with business that is based on respect and love, you become really, really attractive to a quality of client that wants to work with you and doesn't need any convincing. That is kind of one of my criteria for the people I work with. is they already know and then we just work out what that's going to look like. Which program payment plans, that kind of stuff. If I feel like I have to justify or explain or convince I back off Because I may not be the right person for them, or maybe they need something else first. Like, that's why I wrote a book, financial alchemy 12 months of magic and manifestation I was telling you like I, I have I think 72 reviews now, that's great over, it's just totally organic. Oh, tons and tons of people that I don't know. And I've never met overwhelmingly positive. And here's the really cool thing I think I was telling you about my client, Pam, who had her first quarter million dollar month of sales, using my workbook before she hired me. So like anybody who can get value from my free interview, or buy my book, because my book says, you know, this interview will cover some things that are not in the book, the book will cover some things that are not in the interview. And the book is designed as a year long, easy peasy self coaching program to keep you on track. Because the as you know, you can't just say I love you once and then be good to go. It's like, Okay, what happens when, ooh, challenge how how do I work through this, that's the book is I created it for myself first, and then I packaged it, so other people could do it, too. But my goal is, some people just know right away that they want to hire me. And that's super duper good. And some people sort of follow me for years before it's time. And that's great, too. I respect timing, and some people are not right to hire me ever. But if they get value from the other stuff, it's like a better planet for me. So I would say just be generous. And the more you can see yourself through the eyes of this money person who loves you and is in love with you, the more you're going to show up from this, like a solid place of your own value. And when you when human beings feel solid in our own value. Not only do we respect ourselves more, but we also feel less needy when we talk with a potential client. So we can show up with more integrity, more kindness, more generosity. And that will be really attractive to the right people, and the people who are not ready or not your people. We want to send them to their person with love, just like you know, there's a whole planet of people that you can date. But you don't want it to be with somebody who feels like they're settling for you. And you don't want to be with somebody that you feel like you're settling for them because out there is somebody who she is his prize and, and there's your person where you're the prize as you are and it's the same with clients. If it's not you, there's a better client out there. Or there's a better person or sorry, if it's if you're not there, their coach, maybe they're not ready for you. Or maybe there's just a better client in the wings. Right? That you want to make space for 100% now that it's the whole thing I've taken away from this, and I actually had to write it down and I'm buying your book as we're speaking by the way, oh, thank you This is making the person a business will make your business a person and actually talking to them. And then just everything else, like right after you said they clicked it's like, Oh, you're right. Like this. If I don't treat it like a person, I'm just gonna assume it's like a statute as a Why aren't you doing anything kind of thing? Yeah, don't make her your war. No. Right. And that's kind of that's kind of what we do when we're coming from a place of scarcity. Every everything becomes like a thing for us. And the real secret is, the more loving you are, the more you'll prosper and and yeah, and, you know, I've been doing this for decades. So I can't put everything I know into the hour that we have together, obviously, right? You got to make some money. Well, no, it's not that it's not that at all, because I know that people have breakthroughs. Hire me. So I'm not trying to withhold anything. I am just not, it's not possible to learn in an hour, what I've learned in 20 years, but I am trying to tossin as everything that comes to my mind, I am trying to like, put in as much as I can. So one of one of the secrets that just occurred to me is like when I talk about making your money, honey happy. One of the questions that comes up all the time is like, especially for those of us who have had codependent relationships, where we're always making the other person happy, which is like, and leaving ourselves out of the equation. By the way, that's a monster relationship. That's not a money honey relationship. What I have found is nothing makes your money honey happier than your own self love and self respect, your own happiness. Just like when you're in love with somebody. Her happiness or his happiness fills you with joy. And when somebody you love, whether it's your lover, or your parent, or your child or your pets, is suffering, it's unbearable. When somebody we love is self destructing, it's unbearable, and it's very hard to be with. And that's what it's like for your money, honey, when you are not taking care of yourself, not valuing yourself. So we don't want to do that. That's, there's, I'm glad you're getting the book because I do go more into that in the book. You know, I just, I just share whatever comes to me in the moment. And I don't expect anybody to, and I don't expect you to like get all of it the first time. So rewatch, or re listen to this podcast, obviously. Go to my website Morgana ray.com, for more resources free and every, like, level of investment above free to hundreds of articles and videos on my blog. I wrote the book because it kind of curates the information in an easy to digest practical, and practical bowl away. And, you know, just take my quiz, that's at Morgana ray.com, to see where you are and get my recommendations for what to do next, you know, be on my mailing list because I get questions that I don't answer privately, like paying clients, obviously, we're on the phone and I can address all of that. But you know, people write and go, but this thing. And so what I do is I answer it in you know, a blog post and an email. And I and I don't share your name, I protect your privacy, but I'll share my answer so it can benefit you. And 10s of 1000s of other people at the same time because my goal is a happy, secure world that responds to climate challenges crop response to health challenges is equitable and kind everybody has enough so we can all focus on love great lifestyles, and making the world better for everybody else. 100% perfect timing. I just had to finish order your book as I was like a ceramic. I'm just gonna keep looking down and get this thing going. Oh, super secret about the book. Okay, take your receipt number, go to my website Morgana ray.com. Go to the on the menu tab, the book page, enter your name, email address the receipt there and there's an extra bonus two and a half hour recorded q&a call that nobody on Amazon knows about. Oh, good. And because this is the fun thing about coaching is that human beings are infinitely resourceful at coming up with new outrageous obstacles that never ever occurred to me. Right. And then they ask these questions that deepen the work. Make it better and make it apply to everybody else. So I love the Q and A's the most. Like, I don't know if it's on this recording or some other one where a woman called and said, Is it okay if my money honey is a werewolf? And as I don't perceive it as a monster, then go for it kind of thing. Exactly. I was like, Is he a nice werewolf? She's like, Oh, yeah. And is it cute? Do you like it when she's all? Yeah, and I was like, Okay, go ahead. Yeah. Can we throw? Yeah. We can't tell you what you like or don't like you just doesn't work are usually positive. Yes. All right. Go for it. Have fun. Well, and now you know, now since we have the Twilight movies, yeah, go for it. werewolves are hot, right? Oh, yeah. Totally, they're not the big, hairy, scary beasts with like, huge teeth there. They got like, eight packs, and like frickin just losing heat? Well, and it depends, because somebody else's monster might be a werewolf, or a vampire or a Swamp Thing. Or, you know, you just, we're just a scary person. You know, it's every, it's unique to everybody, but it's the same process. And it may take one person, 15 minutes and another person six hours. And it just is what it is. And it there's no wrong or right to it. It's just what you need. 100% true. No, I that's as the biggest one I've just come across in general talking to people, but you summarize it in the most elegant ways Exactly. That it's just you got to accept you, the people in your mind. Understand, like you said, it could be 15 minutes and you're on your way or it could be six days. But that's just a matter of hours. Like it's nothing. Just do it. Yeah. Well for the process. Like when I'm coaching, it has to be done in one session. Okay. It has to otherwise you're walking around traumatized, you know, monster, no, it has to be completed. And my job is to outlast any monster any client has. And sometimes it's a monster behind a monster behind a monster behind a monster. until we finally get to the thing that when it's gone, it's gone. And the client feels it. So it it you know, it does it's not often that it's that difficult, but it can be and it can also be really easy. And again, it's not that one is better or worse. It's just whatever the person needs to get where they get what they need to get where they want to be. Right? Yeah, basic rules as long as you're not stepping on people or destroying Earth then do it. Yes. I love it. That's brilliant. Like to cut it there You already said the end part of where to contact you. So then just to go and grow questions for you. Yeah. Um during these lockdown times, what have you been doing to keep yourself busy other than work? Oh my god. I'm so I started beating feral cats as my social life. Yes, I am a crazy cat lady. My husband and I have a deal. Okay, where for every so I've been feeding the feral cats and then I noticed that they are walking around with their like, like unfixed status threatening to make babies so then I have to trick the cat into captivity, get the cat fixed and then we trauma bonds in the weeks after with you know the cone of shame and then I can't let them go because we've trauma bonded and I'm like they're they're their capture is like a horror movie for cats. I tricked them in I castrate them. And then I hold them captive for life. So now I have five cats. Which is enough, which is enough, I just spent another $500 on a second litter robot. I now have I have these $500 automated litter boxes which insane I know except as soon as you get it you understand because it's a change of life. It's really adds to the life quality and they're fun to watch. Um, so yeah, cats and we have a deal. For every cat. My husband gets two more guitars. So he's been making a lot of music. That's why he's you know, we have the fancy microphones around the house and I started a podcast That's really that was my project we started April Fool's Day 2020 couldn't be more apropos. called Crazy Sexy. midlife love. Cuz midlife love. Okay, yes. I'm totally adding you right now too. And here's the the premise and why we why we do the show is I met my husband when I was 45. Because I read, I figured out, it took me, I noticed it for a while, but I all the things I was saying about money about, you know, protecting yourself doing everything right, not getting the right results. I was like, Oh, fuck, that sounds like my romantic situation. Perfect. I just had to get all that in there. It's all good. So I slayed my love monster. And met my husband Two months later. No way, at 45 and a half. It's going to be the ninth anniversary of our first date, August 11. And I was like a one day wonder because I had developed the ability to see on the first date exactly why we were gonna break up two months, two months to two years later. It was like, Guys, I made this decision to get really honest with myself and not pretend things were okay. Yeah. And the great thing about dating men is men are really, really obvious. So the alcohol abuse, the anger issues, whatever it is, they it's like, it's really clear if I'm willing to pay attention, which just means I'm not there person. So are they're lovely. But but we're not the right people. So I and also I just had my heart broken for 45 years straight. And then I met Devin, he's the first one who never had an expiration date. And then it gets better because then when I was 47, and I was leaving my retreat in Bali, and he was in South Africa on a photo Safari. He proposed marriage to me over Skype. That's so cool. Isn't that cool? So I flew home early picked him up at the airport the next day. We eloped before he could change his mind, even though I knew that wasn't gonna happen because I had known we were going to get married for I think a year, I just knew it in my bones. I wasn't worried. I thought I had maybe four or five more years before he would get to that. So he freaked me out. Because suddenly he asked me before it was before I expected so all of my own, like issues with commitment came up. So maybe I just but I'd already decided I would say yes. So I said yes, we eloped. And I thought, Okay, done, married, bucket list complete. And then something weird happened. We went on a trip to Puerto Vallarta Two weeks later, and we were walking by the Mexican Cathedral. And on a lark, he said, Hey, you want to get married again? Let's Let's get married there. And we're like, filthy, sweaty, ugly, just got massages. And we not like pretty marriage material at all. So of course I say Yeah. And we walk to the front of this Mexican Cathedral. It's like a joke to Jews and Jesus walk into a Mexican Cathedral. And we exchange new bells. And it hit me so much, so much deeper. And he saw how I was like tearing up and he thought we have to keep doing this. So he came up with the idea the next day, let's get married 100 times in 100 countries. So so far we have we got married 11 times that year, that we've been married 25 times in 20 countries. That is what we have not been doing during the pandemic. Kind of hard to do. Right. But I just bought tickets to South America in January. So we're going to go to Chile. For a why and what Amala or, and no, no, not Guatemala, or el agua. I'm obviously really bad at geography. We're going to go to Chile or gwy and Argentina, maybe Paraguay next year to just start getting married again. So we started a radio show to talk about love and to talk about travel and to talk about midlife. So that's what I've been doing. So I'm curious I just looked up your show is it just strictly on anchor? No, no, I can't find it online. Okay, first go to Crazy Sexy midlife love calm. It's on iTunes. It's it's it is hosted at BBs radio BBs. radio.com forward slash Crazy Sexy, midlife love. And that's where you'll see like, I think we're at I don't know, Episode 59 or 60. Our producer doesn't number them that way. But we have a lot of episodes. They're all at baby. radio.com forward slash Crazy Sexy, midlife love. And then they are through the RSS feed distributed to 150. Other stations like I Heart Radio, Spotify, iTunes, all that. And then we have our website Crazy Sexy midlife love calm, where you can see a three minute video of our first 11 weddings, some of which are ridiculous, but wonderful, like, Oh my god, the cutest young woman in Montenegro was so overwhelmed by what we were doing that first she burst into tears and ran away when my husband asked her to marry us, and then she came back, and she married us. And she bought me a beautiful romantic bridal wreath and just made me promise to get married in romantic places, which was an easy promise to make. And it's on the video and what's so cute is she she asked my husband, if if he will take me to be his husband. Because, you know, that's the wonderful thing, you know, just the mixed up words, the sweetness, the, the, the mistakes, I mean, that's that's part of just the fun of getting married, over and over again, in different cultures. Everybody loves love. Oh, they do. And then, and then you have families. Like, we have our turkey family, and we have our Croatia family. And we have our Bali family and we have our Mexico, we just have like these, not families really. But when you have this intimate experience of getting married with and a bunch of strangers are participating, it's like, now I feel this kinship, this family relationship with all those people in San Marino who dressed us up in medieval costumes and gave us this full medieval Latin ceremony with the dancing and the singing and the pizza, who then knighted my husband at the end. And we had my pretend father and my pretend mother, who was approximately my age. But I mean, you know, oh my god, people are just so wonderful and loving and generous when, when when it's about love, and it doesn't matter if they're Muslim or Catholic or Christian or Jewish or Bohai or, or or Hindu. People love love. Or they do they really do. It doesn't matter what like you're saying, it doesn't matter what area of the world or language Love is the easiest one for all, everyone to understand. So and it's fun, and it's a great relationship practice to like, I know I hated you yesterday, because we had a fight and I wanted to run away. But I'm choosing you anyway. Because I love you. Even knowing even knowing what I disagree with you, I still love you to bits and I choose you and I'm gonna be here for you. And this is what I want for you. And this is what I want to do for you because I love you, knowing who you really are. And that's, that is not a vow I could have made the first time. No, that's when you have to know yourself and know the person then you can commit. Yeah. But the more important part is that you know, yourself and the person like you're saying earlier, you could smell it wasn't gonna work. But you knew kind of thing. But you knew intrinsically at a certain point, I'm assuming you realize you're accepted. Like you said, the two months later, you have met your husband. And it was just like a workout from there. But it was except yourself then except the others are like it took me 45 years to get good at dating. Like a slow learner, really, really slow learner, I had to figure out Oh, you don't take it personally, if somebody rejects you after the first date, they don't really know you well enough, they just know that you're not a match. And it's not personal. Right. And that gave me a lot of freedom. It just took me a really long time to figure that out. And so I just was really light and relaxed on first dates, because there was nothing at stake but it took me 45 years to figure that out. And the thing about Devin was like every other day, it was like, Oh, this is why it's not gonna work. You're lovely. And it's not gonna work because you like bodybuilders and I am not and you've or you've got you have this weird upset and by the way, I'm not making this up. But I wanted a guy with this weird obsession with llamas. Okay, variously, llamas and alpacas, which looked like llamas. If you met He would go into a freakout rage. He had, like this weird phobia about llamas, and he preferred bodybuilders and I'm not, you know, so it's like really clear, you're lovely, and it's not gonna work. I'm MMA. And this was just for you. Yeah. But another guy that I had the biggest crush on in the world hated to travel, and I wanted to travel the world with the love of my life. And there was this other thing, he wasn't in love with me. That's kind of a deal breaker, kind of so Hmm. You know, there's somebody that you can love, and it's not me, and I can't tie myself to somebody can't love me. And, and that hurts. But it makes me free for somebody who can. And I found somebody who loved me more than I've ever experienced in my life. So Devin, I just is like, the interesting thing with Devin is over weeks of dating is like, I would learn more about him. Things that I didn't know initially, things that might make him wrong for somebody else, made him a better fit for me. And that's one of the ways you know, and it was easy, and it wasn't dramatic, and I wasn't insecure. Actually. There was a period where I did like, it's like, all this. All these, like, bubbles of self loathing started bubbling up. Okay. And I, and they didn't have to do with him. It was like, everything was so cool with him. And he was so kind to me, it was like, Whoa, what is this? And why am I feeling this way? And maybe it was just safe. And then that was when I hired a coach. So when I started liking Devin, and started getting to be a crazy, insecure person, because I liked him. Okay, I literally hired a coach so that I could bring all my crazy to my coach, but not to him. Right? And I go like, what does this mean? And he'd say, it means he likes you and he can relax and be like, okay, here's a check. Let's do funny. One of my co workers, she does literally the same thing. But the sad part. She knows the person doesn't love her. And I told her, she's like, if I wait a year, like he's not gonna change in a year, girl, like, she told me all the stories and I'm like, as a dude, yeah, he's not changing. He stuck in his ways. Move on kind of thing. You cannot Okay, loving who somebody might be. is not love. That's a completely what she's doing. And I've been trying to tell her that that's like, Carol, I wish I wish she would listen to you. Because, you know, you have you have a boy brain. So you know, right? Yeah. We women love to fall in love with potential. And that's not love. It's real, especially with guys. What you see is what you get. Pretend that this is not going to make you happy. It's never going to make you happy, because it's not going to get better. Right? But if you do love exactly what you have, it actually does get better. Because then when challenges show up and you work through it. It's deeper. It really is. And that's the biggest one I told her Mike. As a dude, I can easily say, Mike, I also am the weird one that can be really logical, but really creative at the same time. I'm like, logically. I'm sorry to say it straight. Because it's not the best way to present information. He doesn't like you. You just decide peace kind of thing. Yeah, it's heartbreaking. And you are correct. And I had a boyfriend back, like, when I was 32. Okay, we just 22 years ago. Obviously, I'm not counting So no, I'm 54 You don't look for us, by the way. Thank you. Um, and he loved me to the extent that he was capable of right. And his next door neighbor was an ex girlfriend who was in love with him 20 years after they broke up. And I saw that, and I think I made the decision. I never ever, ever want that for myself. And I certainly didn't want that for her. And maybe it's just occurring to me in this moment. Maybe the whole reason that I was with him had nothing to do with me. But what was really nice about our relationship was because I was the only girlfriends he ever had, who said you know, she's important to us. So she's an important to me. Oh, like this is your best friend. And I want her to know that she's valued in the relationship. So it was it was not any kind of threesome, but it was like, I wanted to let her know that, that she was valued that, you know, you're important to this guy, you're important to me. And I care about you, and I want you to be happy. And I welcome your friendship, I welcome your friendship with him, and I welcome your friendship with me, and I'm not threatened by you, and I just really care about you, you're important. He obviously loves you for a reason you're lovable. And that was like the magic ingredient that allowed her to fall in love with somebody else. Finally, someone who loved her and marry somebody else and be like, free of her attachment to my guy. So even though it didn't work out with the guy in me, maybe the only reason that I was there was to release her from this guy so she could find her guy. Cuz you showed her her, her lover, her fictional, like the character like the money, honey. I know, I didn't, I just I didn't coach her. I just said, because you're important to my boyfriend, you're important to me. And I want you to know, you're always welcome in our lives. That's what I did. Because in the bowling chain, well, what happened was, she's what clicked for her was like, she then she approved of me. And she knew the guy was with somebody that she approved of. So her attachment to him kind of dissolved. Interesting. And she was able to turn her attention to somebody who could love her. Or somebody else who could love her because he always did otherwise they wouldn't be like next door neighbors but her romantic fixation. As soon as as soon as she, as soon as she determined that he was with somebody that she trusted, and felt okay about, uh, she was able to let go and find her own person. Which is why, um, you know, I just, I have a philosophy that exes are exes for a reason. So there's no reason to be threatened by them. Right? And if and if my if if, like, my husband is friends with his ex wife, which is important to me, because on our first date, I asked him why he got divorced. And the first thing out of his mouth was she's a lovely woman. And I wasn't what she wanted is what he said. And that told me everything I needed to know about that relationship. Things like she is a lovely woman. He's got good choice thumbs up. Well, he's got better choice with you now. I'm, I'm the right person for him. And she has her right person now. So there's like no reason to be weird or insecure. Right. It's just not it's not a competent, she's not going to go steal your man away kind of thing. So it's like, Alright, yeah. And of course, she's a lovely person, he picked her for a reason there were good qualities and that he doesn't trash her and bash her and make her a villain and talk bad about her, um, showed me that he's got a certain level of of respect and maturity and self ownership for his role in the relationship and that he isn't going to trash talk me about the world if it doesn't work out with us. Right. Yeah. And that's that's important that the keeping the his morals or standards in, in mind, because he's like, like you said, heaven forbid, but if it doesn't work out for some reason, you know, he's not going to just smear your name everywhere. Yeah, I had a single date with a guy who like on the first date I kid you not gave me his entire sexual history. Oh, really graphically named everybody. bad mouth, everybody and I knew he would be on that I would be next in line if I ever dated him again. I know the reason I left is like I thought it was just uniquely me but it must just be injured. Until the human experience is like this one girl is dating completely dumped all her childhood traumas, sexual problems this and I'm like, I drove like 50 miles one way to this person. So I'm like, I'm going to get at least my time in. And at a certain point, I jokingly said, like, I charge $100 an hour for therapy. So just so you know, the bill is ticking. You get worse, I'm gonna add an extra 100 an hour. You don't do it on the first date. No, you don't. Now if you are in a long term committed relationship. Yeah, then then you do want to you stuff is gonna come out. Right? My husband, oh my god. You know, like, I held up my book, my husband wrote a memoir, holding it up to the camera and like, blurry for me though. 10,000 miles with my father's dead father's ashes. Okay, subtitled. Or mi padre s huerto. In level sir. My dad is dead in the box. Or bag, because I don't speak Spanish my husband does. So um, he wrote a memoir about his relationship with his father and his father's dying wish to have his ashes scattered in Cadiz, Spain. And over the course of this book, there's a bit of my husband now has been sexual history and dating history. And it's not very, shall I say, trust inducing. And I'm glad he didn't let me read it while we were dating, but waited until we were already married for a while. today. Now you get the laundry? Because he's a different person now than he was then. Which? I'm glad we met now. And not that right. Um, so yeah, you know, it's just part of knowing the person but that kind of stuff is earned. It is. It really is. Yeah, it was on top of like, the the lady who dumped all her feelings on me. And I was just shocked. And I stayed to see the end of the story with her. Cuz I think first date we're hanging out, I bought her meal and all that. She whips out her phone and hops on FaceTime, and calling a guy in New York. And even the guy on the phones like Aren't you on a date? Why are you talking to me kind of thing you could call me afterwards? kind of thing. That was the whole day. Then she was on it playing like bubble bash or whatever. Oh my god. Oh, at a certain point. I just like she's not even interested. But I'm like, I'm curious how far she's actually gonna go now. So I just kept going. Yeah. I'm sorry to hear that. You know, it's like, you know, from my side of the gender aisle. I you know, I only see what the guys do. I don't know what what my sisters are doing. Um, right. Yeah. Yeah. Well, hey, you know, it all makes for great stories. Oh, it does. Like have this stuff. Now. I just completely laugh at myself. I was like, I was young, dumb, full columns. Like you should have just really thought about what you were doing. Yeah. Oh my god, I cringe. I cringe at some of just the dumb naive, stupid mistakes that I made. Like, because we're clueless. There's just an and the worst is that we get really bad information from movies. Oh, 100% all they give the worst advice? It's not even accurate. What what actually people want? Because like, this is actually a huge conversation I had with one of my co workers. He's young. He's having trouble of his girlfriend. So he figured I'll just be like, whatever movie he was, was like the really rough one. It wasn't 50 Shades of Grey, but damn close to it. Oh, scary. Yeah. And I was just like, yeah, just so you know. I learned this by blue doing my show with my earlier guests. Don't treat them like a bitch. Like, don't be rude or variable. If they're having an argument. I'm a nice plush toy a candy. If they like chocolate, get him chocolate. Give him a soft blanket. Get a Sherpa one can I think it just sure to win without one. And Libra just walk away. Don't say enough and just counter the stuff and literally run away. Great thing. That's really good advice. And he did it and that's where he's like, dude, the blink was 100 bucks. Like but did she actually like, talk to you later? He's again like 100 bucks is worth it. Right? It was so he wouldn't be spending in bills kind of thing. Yeah. Yeah, it's there. There are relationship coaches, I think of what that movie What was it? Magnolia with Tom Cruise is that horrible, horrible relationship coach teaching all this misogyny stuff. And there literally are real coaches out there who do or teach pickup artists. insult a woman insulted beautiful woman maker insecure manipulate her. That's not how to ever have a relationship with a healthy human being. Right? Who will stay with you? And, you know, men who know as little about relationship as women do, maybe even less, are just given such heartbreakingly bad information? We do. Yeah. And that was the one thing because I was joking with him. Cuz he's super young. And we all know, but he never says it. Like, yeah, we know you're fucking your girlfriend, like a rabbit kind of thing. Like it. But it's like, You're both really young, you have the endurance to do it. But it's like, when you get older, that's not going to be cute anymore. It's not like porn anymore, where it's like, you can just keep doing it forever. There's going to be certain things you're going to have to learn today. And what I noticed, which is really interesting, which is why dating got so much better. Okay, starting in my when I in my mid 40s. For one thing, women sex drives, like, really take blast off in our mid 40s. It's like, last chance to drop eggs, kids. Um, but men shift. And this is what makes men so attractive. And midlife is not all and the ones who don't grow up are like, so obvious and easy to avoid. But men start to want more emotional connection. And that typically starts in their 30s. And I would have conversations with men. It's like, Yeah, when I was younger, I just couldn't imagine wanting to be with one woman when there's so much keyword out there. Um, yeah. And but now I want somebody who I'm important to. And I was like, dang, you're starting to sound like one of me. Um, it's not. What's so interesting is it ceases to be satisfying for a lot of men is as you get older, you actually get turned on by emotional connection. And being important and being a hero to one person, you know, it's just, it's not a should it's sort of this organic, what is going to make you happy changes. When I was dating my husband, when we were both 45, then I would ask him what he wanted. And he had been married. He was like, he he literally said, I don't really believe in marriage. That said, I'll probably get married again. It's like, okay, I'll keep dating you, but says the man who's like, hey, let's get married 100 times with 100 countries, you know, later, which I wasn't looking for. And I'm not saying ladies, if the guy says he doesn't want a long term relationship, or to get married, I would say believe him. But what my husband said was, he did want a long term relationship that he was 45 and really just didn't you didn't have the energy to chase skirt? That wasn't what was interesting to him anymore. Right? And what I do like about about your gender is for the most part, I'm sure there is an exception here and there, but for the most part, if you ask a guy will tell you what he wants. 100% Yeah, you're we women are just like, Oh my God, we want to please you so much. What? You're polyamorous, okay, I can do that. Oh, you know, it's just like, um, which I haven't done, by the way, but I'm not interested in. But, you know, we're just so willing to, um, we just want love so much that we're so willing to try to be what we're not. And then we're moving target. So it guys are just like, guys will tell you what they want. If we listen, and that's, that's the learning curve for women is to is to actually, you know, look for the reveal. And listen, 100% and that's actually the funny thing. Like I was telling the lady and the one co worker I said Dude, you're easy. We're relatively like other than that, what 2% of the men, like, we're open books, or we're just super sheepish and don't know how to put what we're words into action kind of thing. It's like, if you're gorgeous, and we like you're looking for the kind of thing, which is a compliment, but we don't we feel it's an insult kind of thing. If you ask, by the way, we're the same way with like, you know, it's like, oh my god. And by and and here's here's a tip is, if somebody, if somebody is so attracted to you that you become a bumbling idiot, they're not your person. Interesting. True, is what you want somebody that you're attracted to. But you also can be yourself if the guy is so cute that I'm like, terrified of saying the wrong thing. I'm the I he's no longer a person to me. He's like something I want. And, and that kind of predatory feeling is very off putting whether it's the guy or the girl. So they really they aren't your person, because you're all because they bring out your insecurity. And you aren't relating to them really as a human being, so that they are really not a good match. They don't bring out your best. That said, you do want somebody who you find attractive. So you don't want the 10 you want the eight or the seven. Yes. And the fun thing is, is like my husband was a solid rock solid seven and eight, seven and a half eight, like cutie way cuter than his photos cuter than I expected. But I felt so relaxed. The whole time I first ate lasted six hours, and I never, I never felt like I needed to impress them or perform or anything. And that is proud. You know, that is like one of the best green lights that you can have. Like, unless the person's a con artist who by profession is able to make everybody feel relaxed. Like you know, you have to pay attention for signals of that. But you're not. Oh, just like the you know, and you're pointing me like me, I'm like, Oh, no, no, no, no, no, not you. You Josh. No, no, no, no, no, no. And I don't mean you. But you want but now like my, my husband is easily attend in my book. I just, he gives me flutters. I'm like oh, my God, your eyes. You know, I just, I'm such a silly lovey fool. But it's okay. But it's not. But it's like he just gets cuter and cuter and cuter even as we get older. Because you you've built your relationship more than just sex kind of thing. Yeah. And you like you, I want to say you almost built a true friendship. And from the friendship you've rocketed off there. So even if you fail, don't get me wrong. I am shallow as heck where he is, you know, in his regard. Like, I think he's smoking hot. Okay, but, I mean, that helps a lot. Oh, like, I can't stop touching him. That's why I have five cats to give him a break if I need something. Um, but it's also there's, you know, so much fun, and charm and comfort and relaxation, and we can be real, and that's fun. It is silly. Um, and it's none other. Like, there's right? Like, all that insecurity is so just exhausting. And I'm over it in a bit of a turnoff to because you're like, I get it. You really like me, but it's like, well, it's totally repulsive to the person. It's direct to that. Right. It's like, I think we as humans get it. It's like, yeah, we get you like, Damn, like, calm down kind of thing. Well, for a woman, a guy who is like that is frightening. Interesting. It's like really repulsive and frightening because he's like, Whoa, like, there's that that that there's that wolf energy, like, I'm gonna eat you up and I'm like, I you know, back off, man. It just feels predatory. Like it's, it's there's such a, there's such an intensity urgency sort of desperation underneath it. Okay, like that hunger is just like whoa, And and it's it's, it's scary. Um, that explains a lot from my dating life when I was younger. Yeah. We want somebody cute to play with just like you do. Fair enough. Fair enough. Yeah, I was the reason I mentioned that earlier is like when I was younger, junior high high school, I was a super cool kid. And I could not for the life of me pretty much talk to a human that I did not know like a complete stranger. Like if I knew you've got you couldn't shut me up like this. So like, literally, this one girl, we still talk but is now kind of just like friends of complete crush, and I was bumbling like an idiot. Because we were talking about Call of Duty and black ops and we called we got a chick that plays video games. kind of thing. But my twin flame it's like never leave me. Now I realize she's like, you're cool too. But she's like, you got real weird back then. I'm like, Yeah, I didn't talk to people. I did not know. Pretty much and that's where but yeah, that explains like it's an after her like it would be the same thing as like, Oh my God, we have one two and three in common. Like we got to get married. And if you're so weird, and my Oh, sorry. Sorry. I'll go and do the same thing to its women do exactly the same thing. It's a human beings are so cute. We are. Yeah, but that's awesome. So I was trying to remember what we were saying earlier and then tie it in but it's like I don't remember what we just talked about earlier. Well, you have your second question. Oh my second first question we this what started this like second or third or fourth podcast episode content was what have I done during the pandemic and taking online West Coast Swing classes with my husband because we really got into social dancing before the pandemic. We've our skill set has really suffered. And although we have learned some things or at least I've learned some things I didn't know before and molesting all the cats in the neighborhood kid kidnap castrate captivity that's that's my that's my that's what I do with all these cats, Kevin has been you know, taking online music lessons and composing songs and he is done with the second draft of his second book. Hey, new book is is about our wit about our project of getting married. It's another memoir about his disastrous love history and finally figuring it out. And it's called reluctant my first 11 weddings. Wonderful. Isn't that a great title? title and and doing our podcast Crazy Sexy mid like love every Wednesday 5pm pacific time, can rain or shine, because it's you know, online so it doesn't matter. So that was what we've been doing that's during our pandemic vacation. So the other question now I remember where we were, is if someone's aspiring to be like you a very successful businesswoman running her own business but also has a wonderful partner in crime. What are some tips tricks or advice you'd give them? Okay, first Scott it first first first is always you know, like I do totally believe in taking classes on strategy. Don't necessarily do what your coach tells you to do. I've never made money that way. No, here's you have to go through the filter of what is right for you. So you need to learn everything and then find out what is right for you and the way you do that as you first have a great relationship with money like slay the Money Monster, have your money honey filter everything through your partnership with your money honey so you learn what your coach tells you. And then you find the way that is your unique voice and in integrity with you and your money honey. So you start with the inner stuff because then everything on the outside works better. And if you what I have found is that usually changing the relationship with money also changes your relationship with love simultaneously because manage money issues are this our love issues too. So it has a holographic effect even sometimes health issues resolved spontaneously which is really Cool. So, you know, the financial alchemy process, the six steps start there. The second piece is I, in 2012. I knew that I wanted to travel the world with the love of my life. And I knew that I couldn't do that if I was standing at the post office every day, shipping physical products back in the days when we had physical products, plastic CDs, my my book, which at the time, my publisher was officemax, right. So I was like, you know, printing them shipping them. I couldn't travel, I couldn't take off weeks or months to travel the world with the love of my life if I had 100 clients or 300 clients. So I had to radically change my vision of my business, I digitalized everything I was being interviewed all the time. At the time. We had Tella, summit switcher, just audio classes. And back in 2011, you know, 789 1011 2012, I could send out one email and have 800 people be on the call. It's not like that anymore, that, you know, the industry changes, you have to be ready to pivot, you can't fight what changes, you just have to pivot. But at the time, so 2012 I just I was doing all these interviews, instead of physical product, I was selling digital packages. And I had my I quadrupled my income and had had my first half million dollar year, dice. And I hit a quarter million dollars. Like That was my goal for the year. And I had already passed that in April. And it was all digital. And because I was making so much money from digital products, what I was charging, and I was charging $15,000 at the time 10,000 for three months $15,000 for six months, it suddenly didn't make any sense. Because I was making so much more money, just from the passive income. So that doubled to 60,000 instead of No wait, that's not double x. Yeah, so um, and people were saying yes to that, and then multiplying it making hundreds of 1000s of dollars within a few months. So I made space for you were clients charging more digitalized my products, met my husband that August after I changed two months after I changed my relationship with money. And I have a business design, where it I'm always able to travel and get married on a moment's notice I get in invitations to speak in other countries, and they say, and if you come to our country, we'll marry you. Because they know, they know us. So my advice is, first, it always starts on the inside, everybody can like smell and hear and feel your inner life louder than any word you say. Start with the inner congruence where you feel really good about what you're charging. And then when you start to feel burnt out, or like you're betraying yourself, then it's time to, you know, tweak it and charge a little more and have conversations with your money. What that looks like how much more until you're in integrity again. And there may be this gap between where you're catching up to what the new price point is where somebody will say no, and they say no. And it's like the universe is testing you and you just have to be great with that. And then your people are just gonna pour in like a you know, just the wave comes in, right? Make space, make space for what you want, know what's important to you, and design your business so that every business choice runs through three filters. Always, always, always, always has to help people has to be fun, because if it isn't, if it isn't fun, you're gonna burn out and resent it. And it has to be extremely profitable. Because again, if it isn't extremely profitable, you're gonna burn out and it's not going to be sustainable. has to help people that's my first one has to be fun. And then finally, it has to be extremely profitable or it's a hobby. Yeah. No, 100% that's very true. But this is like this is it truly has been a conversation I've been waiting for. Because it's very true. It's the when you help people you bring value to the lives, which when you bring value to lives, hopefully it's fun. But then others also It could be an aspect within the business maybe, I don't know, dealing with the customers on the phone. I don't know what that would be fun or not. But, and then you have to make sure it's really profitable because it's a business, you have to make money kind of thing. Well, I've been a business coach for 27 years a business and a life coach because you know, clients bring problems and then I, it's my job, they relate to each other. So are in my early baby days of poaching was like, oh, here's a problem, crap. I need skills. So I just kept getting more certifications, doing more setting or just learning from my clients what they need and learning how to serve that. But I found it's kind of hard to be only a business coach or only a life coach, because business is part of life. It is. And and they it's always working together. And honestly, those life skills are going to make your business sore. And having a healthy business is going to be great for your personal life. And a healthy business is not making millions of dollars with no time for your family doing stuff you hate. That's not so. But what I found was the ideal way to start people on honestly, the minutiae of your employees, your competitors, your your market, all of all of those details, the first place to start is the inner stuff, the stuff you don't know about the unconscious stuff so that when you look at a situation, you can address it and come up with solutions, that you're completely on board, that you can make a choice that feel safe. And very often much easier than you expected. And when when coaches complain about clients with resistance, bad client, I'm like no bad coach, because your job as a coach is to get to the root cause of the resistance. What are they protecting themselves from? Is this the wrong goal? Is this the wrong action? Or is there something they're scared of that needs to be safe first. I don't experience client resistance. That's interesting. I've noticed that when I used to teach martial arts, and it was one of those. It was funny, they would always say it, but I didn't really have a trouble, like getting through to people. And they would like oh, we give Josh the troubled child kind of thing. Like he'll figure him out. And it was just one of those. Actually, they gave me a normal student. I was paying a lot. So I was like, I was making more by the percentage, and I was great. And the person literally just outright refused. And I'm like, okay, but I can't work with that. Like, you want to learn martial arts. Like Yeah, I'm like, you outracing? No, I can't work with that. I'm not gonna like you. Yeah, you're paying 600 bucks a month. Like, you can go try that guy over there. If that doesn't work, I don't think this is your studio kind of thing. And literally, he came back. My instructors yell at me. You're throwing the customer away, Mike. Yep. But they're gonna like leave terrible reviews on us if I can't get through to them, but they choose not to let me in. They're just gonna leave terrible reviews say we're a scam. So literally a month later, he came back and says, I want Josh. I'll let you listen now. He's like, He's right. I wasn't I wasn't letting him do anything. And I told him like I'll give you plenty a list of people like if you want to try this guy, he's a bit of a jackass but he might get through to you kind of thing. But it's like, you have to be open to I love that. You know, try not to take money from people that you aren't helping. Right? It's It's such a it's such an energy suck it's it's just too expensive. And what I find is if I say no to somebody who is not a match and I say no with love, like I really I wish them the best. But it's it's actually just kind of it's it's so attractive because it's like suddenly all these like super easy cool, wonderful, fun ideal clients show up. And I do I do it's I I think just my key word for life is integrity. And and some people think of it like a really you know, heavy word like you should be honest and all that kind of stuff. And yeah, you should but integrity, if you really get down to the root of the word integral is indivisible. It's like whole it's one it's not at war with yourself and and when you're whole and one and not at war with yourself. Your life experience is just easy. You're not hating yourself. How nice is that? Right? 100% Yeah, and that's right. Just like I told the guy, and that was actually he was one of my best clients too. After once he opened up, because they told him like, martial arts, he gets it at first. It's cool. It's like Mr. Miyagi, wax on wax off. You're sweating, you're bleeding, your everything hurts. But at a certain point, it gets real spiritual. Because you realize you wield a lot of power. And if you make one wrong move, good or bad. You're going to accidentally take someone's life. And you got to be real. Gotta have a real come to Jesus moment right there. Yeah. Yeah, that's scary stuff. And it just told him like, I know my own skills. I know I'm not gonna go actively like Cobra Kai kicking everyone down kind of thing. Because I know also, it's California and you like, wave your hand. You could be arrested. Is that fruity now here, but it was my joke him. But I told him like, this is one of those. This is not just martial arts. You're not just being like Mr. GI Joe. frickin nine pack. Like, you can do a plank for like 10 days. It's like, that's nice. Eventually, you can do that. get to that point. Eventually. I'm like, I can barely hold a plank for two minutes. So good luck on the 10 days. But it's okay. We all can't be the former justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, right. Oh, my God. Yeah. And what about you came in and was like, I want to be Rambo, Mike, well, you are Amelie in the wrong place for that. You probably should go join the seals or Green Berets. But I just told him like, this is one of those you'll, whether you're religious or not, you're going to realize there's a higher incidence. And if I don't, I don't respect what I'm doing. Something's gonna go terribly wrong. And that's where he stayed with us until Actually, I because I had to bow out. A lot of my students were leaving. Now I realized why because I didn't want to teach but I loved these students. So I was pushing them away. Now I realized that but I just I handed them off to another person. I told him like this guy is he's rough around the edges. But he will get you where you're wanting now, because I cannot do that in my current position. And he's still there. I see him when the pandemic was happening, I would go out to the studio and I see him still and I'm like, Hey, how are you doing? kind of thing. Love that you brought up Cobra Kai. I love this the serious. Oh my god, it's just it's like a study and in what it is to be a man in the the cost of toxic masculinity. And it's just such a beautiful love story among you know, it is man. Well, and the one thing I would do I actually told that student in particular, the same thing I said, if you're wanting to be a kick ass take names, fuck all the pussy you want. This is not your studio, kind of thing I'm telling you right now, like, frankly, is not going to be this place. We have Mike, we train you like Cobra Kai, you're a freaking dangerous weapon. But Mr. Miyagi is at the front of the room. So it's the do as little as possible. But if for some reason you hit like said, like, situation six was like our category of like, there's no hope you have to do whatever it takes to live now that when you get to situation six, you just know like, Alright, sucks, you're gonna have to get a really good lawyer, but I'm safe kind of thing. And, ideally, the training is so that you don't get into that 100%. And that's when we told him like, the law students say, Oh, don't give them your wallet. Don't give me your phone. And we'll say, a phone really easy, especially technology now just go on your computer, just say turn it off. Yeah, it's just a worthless pile of electronics, talk to them. Like you will you just give a bank a quick call. Some of them have apps, you just shut down all your debit cards. The driver's license sucks that one. They could do some damage with that. But the worst thing about replacing the driver's license is that the photo that goes on it is going to be older. It is I've been really wondering about like, my driver's license and my passports, like the cameras that they use these days are like really terrible because I keep getting these photos of a middle aged lady looking back at me because I'm middle aged. But it's always a shock. To compare it to, you know what they use with the one before the driver's license 15 years ago? A little different one today? Yes. But yeah, that's where we just tell him like, Don't be stupid. Like, if they ask for money, you can easily make more money. That's not the problem. Yeah, you can't replace your body. That's really the only thing in life you cannot replace. Exactly. And that's the blue. It's, it's that's the biggest lesson in all of our students. Even if they don't make it all the way to the highest rank. They're like, we just the D values are instilled in us. It's like beyond priceless. Thank you. I still get gift cards from one of them. Oh, right. Yeah. So I'm curious. He said, You know, you didn't want to do it anymore. So it was that it was an awkward situation for me where I didn't have a car. So I had to take a bus, like 10 miles one way I had to hike up like a mile uphill kind of thing. When I was young, I was like, hell yeah, I was eating like so blue and soda. And I was burning everything off. But now when I got older, when I needed a job, I'm like, Okay, I have to take the bus to my job. I got to take the bus back home, get my stuff. Then I got to go to the studio. And I was like, Dude, this is super inconvenient. Yeah, kind of thing. I get it, I get it. So it was like, I'd rather just stick with the other job. Even though I love martial arts, it's like I, I was mentally telling myself, it's like, it's time to check out kind of thing. Well, and, you know, there's always the possibility that you could, you know, create your own little dojo in your garage or privately tutor people who just love working with you. I didn't even think about that at the time. Now. That's one of them. I have like, my even my instructor tells me he's like, Josh. He's like, you're not your rank. He's like, well, he's like, I'm also being trained by high level person. So he's like, but most people, yes, they could be like, whatever rank was insert, like third stripe, whatever. He's like, but they don't know how to teach on the level you teach. Yeah. That's a that's an interesting point. Um, back in 2006, I was speaking at the conscious life Expo in LA xx. And it was one of those moments where I'm very, very good at manifesting things. I'm really good at manifesting things by whining. Like, I'm a magical whiner. I heard that a couple of friends have booths and we're speaking at the conscious life Expo I'd never heard of it before I found that out. And I was like, instantly Oh, but I want that and I got a phone call the next day giving me a free booth and a speaking gig at conscious life Expo. I do that crap all the time. So um, and I had one of those. Oh, great. Oh, fuck moments, which is like, you know, a repetitive theme in my life, I get what I want. Yay, fuck is it always goes just like that, boom, boom, boom, I'm going to be speaking. And all I have to offer is a coaching relationship, which is like asking for marriage on the first date. Don't do it. And I knew I needed something to sell. And I had been, you know, I had had my own little self coaching system that I have worksheets that I put together that I had been doing daily for years, and I was just accomplishing goals. So it's like, Okay, I need something to sell. And that was actually the first iteration of my financial alchemy book was, you know, the financial alchemy chapter how to, you know, continue the relationship with money, other things, and then, you know, a whole big area of just daily practice self coaching, quarterly practices, stuff like that. Oh, my God, and now I'm totally losing the tangent. Because, okay, where were we? The marriage? Yeah, marriage, right. So I needed Yeah, so I needed something. I'm the worst storyteller because there's like a clear reason for my telling the story and then I get so like, into the details of the story that I forget how to tie it to the original thing that we were talking about. So um, that that was actually how I created the workbook the original time, but let's Okay, let's move back. We were talking about karate we were talking about so you're talking about whining manifesting a booth you got the before that before that before I was talking at all what was the last thing you said? Oh, it's just the I mentally told myself to check out because it's like it was becoming too inconvenient. Yeah, and then there's something after that. So getting my my instructor told me the how I can teach better than some of the higher ranks in our system. Yeah, I have a different language. Now. I remember now I remember. Thank you. That was exactly it. I remember that I was sitting at my booth. And a woman asked me if I was a millionaire. And I said, No. Cuz I wasn't at the time and said, Well, I only want to learn from millionaires. And the interesting thing was far before I long before I became a millionaire I helped a lot of other people become millionaires, right? Because I knew how to coach other people. So that that was the extremely circuitous, long winded point of the story is that there are a lot of millionaires out there who may have no clue how they got it. Or they have no idea how to teach it. All, you know, people who just succeeded in their business, the first time out with no failure, had no idea how to succeed, they got lucky. Success without failure is luck. Right? Yay. Yay. But you can't teach it and you can't recreate it. So what you're telling me is you have something more important than those stripes is that you know, how to teach other people how to achieve what I've done, and maybe even achieve beyond what you've done. That's actually the reason he keeps bringing that up, because it was one of his students, an older gentleman, we're actually all impressed. Like 78 former bodybuilder back in Arnold's time. But he was, like, trying to do he did the same damn thing over and over again, like a bodybuilder, like you lift, lift, lift, don't ask questions just go. At a certain point, I just kind of literally grab him and say, you're doing it wrong. And he's like, you know, that's fine. If you want to do that. It's your business, but you're doing it wrong. And he kind of like stops, and then he just looks and what am I supposed to do? Okay, you want to hear? And I explained to him, he did it. And it was perfect. He's like, Josh, I've been working on for a year with that. And it took you dirty talking him with pretty much. This is what he needed to hear. Yeah, yeah. So when you're looking for someone to help you, more important than what they have achieved? Like, I think what, you know, looking at the person do I want to become like the person that's really, really important because I have hired coaches who did not share my values, right? So I, it wasn't a good match. Because I didn't want to become like them. That's so you want somebody that you feel that they reflect your values that's important. And in you and but the most, I would say the other thing you want to look for? Is, are they good at helping others? Do they, you know, take a look at their track record helping other people achieve results. Like if you're considering me, go to alchemy, success, calm. I mean, that's just the page on my website Morgana Ray calm, and you can just take a look at that view, you want to like contacted prior client? Yeah, go ahead. Um, and I'm totally cool with that. But I think that's, you can get very seduced by the picture people present about themselves. And just and, and they may show themselves in front of the God or the plane or the car or whatever, you have no idea what's going on behind the scenes behind what they present. Everybody loves to present a very pretty picture. Right? But, you know, look for look for how well they help other people. How kind they are to the people they work with how much they love the people they work with. And those are, I think, are the most important things when you're choosing somebody to help you. Also, I think more than more important than anything, is never, ever hire anyone for anything who doesn't respect you. As easy. And by the way, there are there's no shortage of coaches, or doctors or anything of who don't respect their clients run away from that person to 100%. And if you can't respect a client, don't take them on. Don't take them on. No, that's very true. Like, long story. This could be literally like 250 podcasts we would do but essentially, back in the 90s they didn't really have politically correct. So I was a kid with ADHD spastic that's what kids with ADHD are. And when you have that much of a whipsaw of energy, you look like you're happy then you're sad and angry. Well, looks like you're bipolar. And the 90s didn't really have ADHD there was no like, sit him down, figure out what's going on. So really long story short, essentially, my school that was asking my parents an ultimatum. They're like, either you drug him or he's out. And they didn't have the internet. If it was built out the way it was today, back then they told it would be like, screw you and figure out something else. So, being good people, they said, Okay, we'll take him to the doctor. And then now looking back in talking to my parents about it, essentially the doctors like he's happy and sad. whipsawed within a minute. He's schizophrenic. Here's his meds get out. Oh, oh, I'm so sorry. So recently, my personal achievement is now I'm pretty much too much clean of all that meds. But yeah, I was very young age. I was on stuff. And the hard part for me is looking back is like, okay, is that drugged out? Josh? Is that little kid Josh talking. But I can't tell the two difference. But now I look back at my Yes. It's not my identity. It was a very inconvenient situation. But there's a lot of now lessons I pulled from that. And like my instructors even asked like, can you talk to my, he's his wife has a son. And he's like, can you talk to him? Because he's, he feels he's genuinely broken and depressed. And I'm like, well, there's a few things that go into this. I'm no doctor is an armchair psychology kind of thing. Like you're gonna put that abstract out there. And he's like, Okay, what is he? biggest one right there that can fix this can fix a lot of your problems. And he's like, well, let's see. He can eat like a whole tray of Oreos. Drink a two liter of soda. Again, no way. And like, That doesn't matter. Like there's those lucky few who clearly can eat 30,000 calories and never see an ounce of fat on him. Look, yes, abuse anyways, but messes with your gut health and your brain chemistry. No one ever told him sugar is one of those, it gives you a false sense of happiness. If you're sad, it gives you a false sense of happiness. Well, you but it actually is doping a lot of your connectors, that actually is for happiness. So if you just have like, it's gonna be like a little drug, you're gonna have to lean them off slowly. But I'm bet you by the end of it, he'll be fine. And if he genuinely is broken, then yeah, give him my number. I'll call him I'll tell him what I went through. So he doesn't have to put on my meds and not necessarily answer right out the gate. But I do admit there are genuinely broken people who need it. Well, I I am a huge fan and cheerleader of Western medicine. when it's appropriate, it saved my life. I had a car accident when I was 16. I was in a coma for a week, I injured the this part of my brain left side right behind my ear speech center. fortunate. Fortunately, nothing was gonna stop me from talking, obviously, obviously. But when I returned to school, I couldn't do what I had been able to do my whole life. I couldn't stay awake. I would fall asleep after a page. I couldn't remember anything I read gradually as I could read and retain more information. I couldn't analyze subtext it just, and I couldn't sleep for years, and it just messed with my chemistry. I wasn't producing serotonin. I wanted to die all the time. It was just, it's an invisible injury, you look fine, but you're not. And it's a slow recovery. And it was a great crash course in humility and understanding that, well, I took so much for granted. I thought people who didn't do their homework were just lazy or bad. No, maybe they had just a brain that didn't do what mine did. And now I understand and Wow, what an asshole. I was sorry. Sorry, to everybody ever judged for that. Um, so, what you're describing, to me is research into some area of the human experience. So what you call is that, you know, child, Josh, or is that on drugs? Josh? I would say that is Josh researching have a really important human experience. Because that makes you able to have the humility and empathy to respect other people's experience and help or 2%. And you said something about politically correct, which is a phrase I really superduper hate. Typically, what people call politically correct is we have new information, more accurate information, to be sensitive, and not be douchebags. And that's not something to derive. Let's not be mean, cruel, racist, sexist, science denying horrible people. Okay. You know, and I just I say that is the easiest one to say. If someone asked it in passing, it's not like the whole dropping the Scientific meaning of the phrase, it's just like, there wasn't really like a plague. Nobody knew. Yeah, people like Billy kukeri. They didn't really know back then what that was, I got like no knowledge or help or support after my head injury. I was just lost. I couldn't get any good information. We know so much more about brain trauma now, but it's been 40 years. Um, well, since 38 hours, he didn't start back in the 70s when they had the X ray. I had my head injury, it'll be next year. So the 50 year No, sorry, the 40 year anniversary of by head injury will be November 720 23. That will Yeah, that'll be the is that 40? Yeah. 40 years. So. So 80s. They Yeah, they just as they I just really nobody could, there was nobody around to tell me what to expect. Or to give a context to my experiences. So it was just really like a completely terrifying loss of self. With no idea of what I would be able to be capable of it's, I see something similar with people who have long haul COVID, where they've got brain fog, or daily pain, or they lost their sense of smell or taste. I'm seeing all these people who may have had like, no symptoms, or mild symptoms, or dramatic symptoms, who now it's like, nobody knows how long it's gonna last. Or how to get better. Right? Um, and that's a scary place to be. It will know more with time, but the people right now are just kind of just hanging on. Well, okay, so touchy on COVID. And then when you tell the nurse story, because you can't do any uplifting, positive, like money mindset. without talking about COVID I have no say that's all good. So what happened to me, which is actually what started me down this whole podcast route is my work and have to tread lightly because they know I talked about it now. Essentially, the new 20 100 people had COVID, but it was inefficient. So they sent him in kind of thing, got me sick, then tried to pin me for getting COVID for going out and I'm like, I literally live in my room. I'm like, I have never left my room. I am extremely out of shape because I don't even go to the gym. Like you're saying I'm the problem. And it was the district manager at the time he got fired for pretty much this exact reason. He's like, give us a problem. We can easily replace you tomorrow. I'm like, go ahead. If you can get someone tomorrow, signed and everything willing to scrub shit. clean the floor wax in an unrealistic manner. 1440 an hour. I will gladly just give you all my stuff and walk away. Next day came he showed up and he bowed his head and like couldn't get someone to scrub shit off the toilet and music. No. mic. Yeah. What a shock. Mike shocker. I don't want to do this, but I'm getting paid when other people are making $600 a week and I'm Ed being here kind of thing. And I want you to put that into your money monster like after after this podcast is over and you're doing the process. Look at the shit literally that you had to do to make too little money and how that felt. Oh, then you got sick and you could have died. So here's the big thing so your money tried to kill you. It did it literally. Literally Yeah. When I say it's a matter of life and death. I'm actually really not joking. Oh, and I so because I went through it. I'm a tough guy to kill in general. Like, in my old grandfather before he passed away He even said he's like there's only three things that can pretty much kill us. Water electricity yourselves. And I'm like, Okay, why water? He's like, we can't breathe electricity is gonna fry you. Or we're gonna just accidentally kill ourselves doing something stupid over chain. So I'm like, Alright, fair enough. Yeah, so seriously, I when you do the process yourself. Your Money Monster gave you COVID and tried to kill you. It did and didn't win this time. But that doesn't mean he won't win next time, which is why it makes it so important that you get rid of him and leave no traces. And that's pretty much what happened pretty much it was Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. I had the day off. I was just finishing my two weeks off and paid. And it was like I think it was Christmas. I made the resolution myself when Mike I just said that. I'm like literally my work tried to kill me. I'm like, I don't want to work in that situation. A work you to get money to save for my goal in the future. But I have no ties with them anymore. And that's where you just gave A great example of when I say like the root cause of the Money Monster, is the stuff that doesn't look on the surface like it's money. But if you look at getting sick and you almost died, then you, then you pull it back. Okay? And what got you into that situation? You were working a crap job. And we also had a government that didn't want to do what it needed to do to protect us. We were keeping businesses open, which spread the disease and killed more people. Sir, you know, the government was hoarding the PP that needed to go out to there's just all sorts of ways that you can always ultimately blame almost anything on an abuse of power and money and stuff like that. But it's the stuff like when you got sick, and you almost died? Yeah, that's dope for like, two days, I don't even remember. Yeah. So I would edit to you and anybody listening, like, if you've ever had like, an accident, or an illness or anything like that, you put that anything that almost killed you, you definitely put that into, you know, stuff your monster did to try to get rid of you. And any, any experience that you had that made you just feel not good enough and bad about yourself, not loved, not wanted. All of those are like hugely profitable pieces to put into the Money Monster. And then ultimately, when you get rid of the Money Monster, you are rejecting everything that it's like saying, you have no place in my life experience. Right? And so I'm and because it's imagination, you can use any weapon you like, of course, yeah, it's your own personal world. But yeah, that's what that Christmas Day is. When I told myself on starting a podcast, I've always wanted to do it. But I'm like, I have the irrational fear of Twitter mobs are gonna come in and have my head rolling down the street and take my job, but I'm like, now I realized, Oh, wait, that's free PR. Well, that's free, like marketing, like, oh, clever. I'm like, let them yell at me kind of thing. And so that's where I started. It's just, I didn't know what to talk about. And it was one of the guys on my on my crew that I normally work with. He listens to Joe Rogan, religiously. It was it's super funny. And he's like, well, you're, he's like, your like business. He's like, why don't you just kind of be like, job fight people. And he's like, start with business. But then like, maybe you're gonna slowly gradually change to something else. So yeah, he's been like, super supportive this whole time. And he's like, Damn, kid, you're smart. Cuz he's, like, a couple years old. me. I always joke. I'm like, you know, I'm not kid, but okay. Well, it's like, business is a pain door. And on the other side, we can talk about everything else. I you know, I use money as the pain door, but, you know, life is life and so much more interesting than just one topic. Oh, 100%. And that's, that's what I told him. I'm like, this is like, that I've established I'm still gonna talk to awesome people like you, but I'm like, maybe I'm not just gonna do business anymore. Like, I'll be known as the business guy, like, you go to me for the mindset or whatever. But it's like, maybe I don't want to interview a guy who saved dolphins, but just doesn't really doesn't really involve business. But it'd be fun for me. kind of thing. Yeah. Especially if you can make a living or, or simply has created a business lifestyle that gives him the space and the resources to save dolphins. Right. 100% Elite? Yeah, the whole purpose of money period is to support a life focused on love and lifestyle and legacy. It is and when it doesn't, that's when there's a monster. 100% Yeah. And that's, that's what I've come to realize, is like, Oh, I always thought it was not playing the victim. But I realized, no, I was still a victim. I was blaming others for my problems kind of thing I needed to admit the problem. And now move on. So well, and that's very, very important is you can't really move on until the victim victim experiences has, like, been witnessed and accepted. It's like, you know, she needs her day in court. And, and otherwise, she's just going to be she, he whatever your victim experience is, needs to deliver a message and and then we can get it and then we can use it and then we can move on. But People who've had that experience, and they've never shared it, or they shared it, nobody believed them and it was invalidated. That's like a secondary. That's the secondary business victim experience, which I think is even worse than the first. Then Then you're kind of just trapped in this tailspin of just like, meeting, meeting it heard and validated, so you can let go. So I love what you just said about, you know, acknowledge it, and then move on. Yeah, you can't fix it. But they say, Okay, I admit it. That happened. Probably was out of my control. But I can't hold on to this anymore. Yeah. kind of thing. Yeah. Oh, there's a speaker named Vice scholly love. I was like, on her radio show back in the dark ages of like, 2005. And I, we were on the same. We had the same publicist for a while. So we saw each other speak over and over again. And I was such like, a groupie of hers, because I loved what she said so much that I could practically mouth along, you know, when I would see her speak, and one of the things that I really loved that she said, was about forgiveness. Because she had gone through such horrible experiences in her life. And she said, that forgiveness is not saying that what you did to me is okay, forgiveness is not saying you're off the hook. Forgiveness is saying there is nothing you can do to me that I cannot use to know myself as love and to use to benefit from and grow stronger and better than before. love that phrase, that framing? Yeah, it's a good frame. That's kind of what I've been coming to. But I didn't think pairing all those words together. Yeah, I'm not sure that those are exactly her words. But that's kind of the essence of it. That's awesome. So actually, this ties into what I want to tell you, so you're not the only one alone in head injuries. I want to say I got my head wrapped hard when I was 20. Yeah. So you know, those water balloons like not water balloon, water air filled, like water slides. So you jump on like a bouncy house one. Uh huh. So this church I was going in helping with, they were very cheap. So they paid the 100 bucks and got pretty much half broken one. At the time, for like the three years they've done it, it was never really a liability or trouble. Every year, you would see like the bump get bigger and spread out. One day, we had a big guy. And he jumped and gripped a lot of seams. So there was only two ways to go down the slide. You could not go down the middle like big bulge and look like a huge tumorous thing in the middle of slide. It got so bad that actually to slide you to one side was completely seal off. One was like halfway and became kind of like Plinko, when you jumped to drop the ball and see where it goes, it kind of became Plinko where you're gonna go down to dead end, or you're gonna go down and when it kind of worked. I got stuck with the dead one. So I'm curled up trying to get out of the thing. Ironically, another kid named Josh jumps, pulls his knee in and goes right for the back of my head. And it's one of those catastrophic event but also, like saving grace at the same time. Everyone pulls me off, they, there was a nurse, actually there. She was just volunteering but she checked me. Her husband who's a doctor specializes in Brain Stuff came over check me the chest size to shit out of the other Josh and but essentially he he had me come to his place his his office for free and be like, something's wrong. You essentially took a Louisville Slugger to pack your head. And Babe Ruth swiat. Like you should not be walking kind of thing. So he checked me out. He's like, you're fine. You're not showing any injuries. But the weird part and I told him like My neck hurts though. He's like, Oh, it's like whiplash, you'll be fine. Well, no, no, it's permanent nerve damage. Now. Get nobody in this is like somebody was on social media asking me, you know, kind of a COVID skeptic, like, Well, why do so many people recover? And my response is, well, we don't really know how many people recover because we don't know the long term effects, right? Just because somebody leaves the hospital and is alive doesn't mean that they've really recovered. We can only find out what the time like for me when I got it. Got the classic COVID lungs and brain fog. And it was one of those I used to smoke back in the day, it was how I got a theater class because like, if I didn't want to do it, I just say I'm going for smoke kind of thing. But kind of my brain, it's like if I do something I got up, it doesn't matter what I do. So I started smoking like two packs a day. And my lungs are like, at a certain point, a nurse told me like, sweetheart, your lungs are sealed because I was leaning back and hurt. And it wasn't my clothes. So she checked and shake, you kind of ripped your lung. So I literally quit that day. I'm like done, I don't need to literally destroy my lungs. But that was the whole moral of that story is because I felt like I was getting out the class early. It was like, sorry, it was tasting the COVID too. But it was I thought it was helping myself. But I was killing myself again. Same with COVID. Everyone talks about COVID lungs. And that was just one of those. I felt worse than my smoking years. Like I it was one of those I could breathe. And I could kind of run and walk but like it was a feat to get for you can see it my bed to my restroom, which is literally like 10 feet down the hallway. It was like I ran a marathon to get there. My lungs were that bad. How are they now? Fine. I'm running upstairs steppers to weightlifting. But it was just one of those. The people were Oh, brain fog. That thing lasted like two months. Brain fog is scary stuff. And you don't know what it is until you have it? It is Yeah. And that's that's where I told everyone. If I seem stupid, was kind of because I am. Because I don't know what I'm doing. I don't remember what I'm doing. I'm like it's the corona brain fog. And like, you're just still lingering because they all recovered within like two weeks. And I'm like, yeah, it's lingering. Like, okay. I have friends, too. You know, it's been over a year. I'm still there. Yeah. So I'm really, really grateful that you bounce back. Hallelujah. I do believe we'll know more and more and more about how to treat it over time. But you know, there's nothing better than prevention. Yeah. So stay safe. I'm so glad you're still here. Oh, me, too. And this is a big one. I told people. I said, the mass is nice. But that's not actually how I got COVID. Mentally What do you mean? I'm like, because the 20 people, we had to do the palm scanner thing. We all assumed people were clean because no one told us we scanned everyone. They seemed fine. They're all asymptomatic. I took the dirty palm just one like that. Oh, dear. Yeah. I said, So literally, it didn't matter if a mask or not. I still got it because human nature test your face. Yeah, you transferred. It's rare, or to get it from hand. But you know, that's why the hand washing is important. It's usually it's you know, cuz if you weren't wearing a mask, you would have gotten it from the air guaranteed, and maybe more of it. But yeah, that's that's why wearing goggles is really helpful too. Because, yeah, it's it's, I'm sorry, you got it. Yeah. And that's now that's my pillar, like, I'm, I made a personal goal by 2022. I am out like, I have already made something and I'm done with that place. But the reason I would aircall work there is if I need the good insurance kind of thing. But then that as I guess where my projection is like, screw up, here's what I predict for you. Okay, dude. Focus on the value of what you do you already know without you said $10,000. Without hesitation, I can't give you my money fast enough. If you were your own client, knowing what you know about the value that you give. And when you can come and make that offer to or invitation I'm really prefer the word invitation to ideal clients from that feeling of generosity and over delivering. And being Santa that's very attractive. It's more important that you know your value 2% Yeah. Because clients will pick up on that. And then when you get too many clients and it becomes too easy. You're going to knock you're going to knock it up you're going to discuss with your business and your money honey or one or the other what the new magic number is, and you're going to replace any need for these jobs that don't use your highest talents. And you're gonna make way more than you need to get good health insurance. And by the way, if you're making crap money now, get on Covered California. Yeah, it's ridiculous. The government is paying for the best insurance plans. Got it? Yeah. And then you will price yourself out of Covered California, but you will still have the greatest insurance plans. And you'll also be making more than enough money to be able to pay for it and have no deductible and easy peasy co payments. Yeah, let's say you live in California. So you know, the California rule for Finally, taxes, you need health insurance kind of thing. Yeah, and you do, right, because you have a body, you need health insurance. But more than that, you need good health insurance. That keeps you safe, and actually pays for stuff. So you need low deductibles, and you need low co payments, and you just need good and you need the best insurance that you can get Covered California will give you the best insurance for so little. It's ridiculous. Um, so do that. And just, like 10 clients as $100,000, right, that's clearly what I sat there, Mike, let's just say my first year, I just, he would morally hurt me. But let's say 10,000. So I can justify quitting. I'm like, that's not hard. That's pretty much like a client every month kind of thing. Okay, what I'm feeling for you is your first 10 clients at $10,000 in six months 100%. And then you'll bump it up to 15,000, or 20,000. Because that's what will feel right. And the great thing is, the more the investment goes up, the fewer people you need, the more attention you can give them, the more you feel like you have to deliver for them. And the better their results are. I totally, I used to be in that place where I, you know, was selling 1000s of $100 products a year. And giving all these you know, sort of support q&a calls to help people and keep them on track. But I can't have a personal one on one responsible relationship with 1000 people, I cannot don't realistically. But so I'm in this like the opposite end of the pendulum now where I really, really love working with small numbers of people who are madly in love with where it's like I can put all of my mojo and intuition and experience and knowledge and awareness into these people and see really big effects but like how I love them more, give them more get better results for them. And it's really intimate, and they have a bigger impact on their lives. And so I'm able to, like impact a lot of people that way. So as your prices gradually go up, you'll be working with fewer and fewer people who will be having bigger and bigger results and being happier and happier. Start with the 10 because that's easy, and that's obvious. And I think your body would hurt to charge any less because it would be wrong and out of integrity. Yeah, get your first 10 in the next three to six months. And when I say that I'm I'm sort of expecting it to be in three but I'm giving you six months. So that's literally how I feel any pressure. No, that's literally how my brain works is like six months. It's like you're fucked. You're too far now you like it needs to be half of that. Like you give me buying yourself like three months. Maybe there's two laggard clients kind of thing. Yeah, well, I I didn't go into that. But when I got the head injury my already like strong tendencies toward intuition got really super ridiculous. And I tend to hear and know things before I hear it from the client or before they happen. Interesting. So that's why I heard the three but I wanted to give you the like plausible deniability of six months so that the so that you don't freak yourself out. But I think yeah, it feels like three because you're gonna I feel your poise. Oh, cute little baby dog isn't usually a game picked up and he's like begging for me to get him. Yeah. So I think that there's lots of room and momentum for like those crap jobs to just be a great story but a thing of your past 100% Yeah, that is my goal. Now. It's just it's the I know what I have. Now I had to build a structure kind of thing. Like you have a structure now for your system sort of structure zz structure is so easy. The inner stuff is the real heavy lifting structure is easy, because it's just logic. It's just like, you know, you've been doing it long enough to know what your clients need. And every client is different. So you, the job is never to make the client fit into your program and make, its to make whatever you do work for them into the AI have the mastery to zero in on what makes them different. And what's going to work for them. Like I get my clients from public speaking. That's just because I'm, I am, you would never guess, but I am such an introvert. That's why I love talking on the internet. I you know, because I'm safe. I'm an introvert. I have a friend who's an extrovert, she goes out and has lunches with strangers, and every time she has a lunch, she goes home and has a client. I have never successfully booked a client that way, because I'm not her. So you can't make you can't, I know there are all these coaches who say, do this thing that I'm saying work for me and it's gonna work for you when it comes to like business actions and strategies. Everybody needs their own thing. And the best coach or consultant has the listening skills and sort of the already the the skill set the Bank of different options to be able to come up with the solution for the individual, not try to make them all the same. Right? So but you do need a certain sense of timing of what you can accomplish in a month what people need. And you just need to reverse engineer what you know, into, um, if your thing is a month, then what needs to happen in a month to get your person where they want to be in a month. And how many people can you have at the same time and serve them really well? without killing yourself? Right? No, and that's, that's such a deport I've come to realize is exactly what you said. Like I know I'm good at this and I know it can add this value here. Like during the lockdowns to COVID when California was getting really weird about curfews when my bosses like well, the curfew just change how like Josh, like literally didn't even think twice. Josh, what do we do for marketing? How do we get them on like, a jokingly said a lot. I'm like, I'm a janitor, man, I'm paid to clean the floors like, but if you want my two cents, I said Do we have like a email list of our own? Do we have cell phones? So we could like mass blast on like, a service? And he's like, no, Mike. Well, why don't we? Well, my technically this is a business Yes, corporate needs their list for their whatever. But why don't we have our own? Anyone we sign up from today on why don't we just keep it like a personal file? Oh, you have to you have to it's it's I have a like a whole like, so I do my my favorite thing to do is my money goddess retreats. One thing I offer that no boys are allowed. Because I think, you know, I love men. But I think sometimes women need to like be just with women. Sometimes men just want to be with men. And then we can come together and be better for each other. But there's this when I go into the Athena module, because Athena is the goddess of strategy and wisdom. And I go into a whole thing about the whole purpose of what websites need to do. And I have an acronym aces. The number one job of your website is to attract, attract the traffic of your ideal people just attract your ideal people or not, your people will sort it out for themselves. Number two job of any website first attract then to capture their information. Because then you aren't going in for the sale. It's like the number one job is not make sales, it's to attract people then it's to capture their information because then you have a relationship and you can educate them over time. That's the basis. And then finally, when you have a relationship, you can make a sale and a sale is simply making an invitation and the people who want it make the decision for themselves. Um, so I don't even know why that it was the it was the website, it's the email thing. Um, it is a good deed to keep giving free value over time and being a friend and being a real you know, building a relationship. And then people will the people who want what you're offering, know what you do know why they trust you and know why you're right for them. And then you don't actually have to sell. You can just make an invitation than they already want you. Yeah, this was one podcast I used to listen to. I personally got sick is over committed to the diet, but he was talking about how using no sugar and no grains to help lose body fat. And when I was younger, totally worked kind of thing. When I tried it again and totally got sick, but that's not his fault. And it was just one of those. He literally said, He's like, it's a lot of work for me. But if you tweet me on Twitter, and you questions, he's like, I prefer dieting. But it's like, you want to talk about guns, we talk about guns, you want to talk about my Chevy will talk about my Chevy kind of thing. And it was just one of those, I would ask him like, Hey, I'm doing this. I know it's not preme but what is like a good substitute? And he told me like, okay, 123 we did that for like, almost six months, every time he brought a new book out, no questions asked, just bought it. kind of thing. I actually it's one of those over here. Like, I don't remember. I bought it to support him. But Mike approach should read it now. Yeah, I find that books work better if you read them. Who knew? Who knew? But it was just one of those. He just saying, Hey, you know, I'm having trouble. The advertisers can send me guys just like buy my book or like a shirt kind of thing. So we don't have to bend to the corporate regime, because he's like, a lot of them don't want me to saying what I'm saying. I was like, Don't screw the man kind of thing. I love that. Yeah. You'll be challenged to say no. To the people or not, right. Somebody who questions your value. Um, people have a right to concerns especially because so many people have been burnt by unethical sales coaches and consultants. There's a lot of that there's a lot of there's a lot of wounds. I would say go into every conversation from a place of love and service. what is best for them? And the the more willing you are to accept a no. That the more room you give people to say yes. This is huge. Nobody can say yes. If they can't say no. Interesting, I never thought of it that way. Nobody could say yes. much to say no. Yeah. A forced Yes. is not a real Yes. Okay. Well, like my instructor, when he was trying to teach, he taught me I now realize he taught me a lot of good guerilla marketing techniques. At the time, I was just like, bougie we go into the fear kind of thing. But that's the biggest thing. He's like, some of the best clients if you were one of them, by the way. You said no. But I gave you more. Do you still said no, I gave you more. You still said no. When I showed you the cool technique, you're like, Alright, fine. You put you twist my arm in. But you your arm wasn't was Didn't you wanted it? Right. But that was the metaphor. He told me because Yeah. Because we were using the LA fare like he stopped using it cuz he's like, it's like $20,000 just for one booth. I had to get to so it was like $50,000 for the whole thing. And he's like, but he said that was that one moment. He's like, I I learned a long time ago, Josh that no does not necessarily mean No. Well, as a woman, I would say okay, I mean, lose a business. Well, that will actually I think business and dating is exactly the same. Interesting. So here's the thing is, uh, no, maybe not now, but it's a no for now. It is a no for now. So okay, great. Um, I, I just enrolled. Two more women for my September goddess retreat. It used to be in Bali this year. It's in Mexico because Bali shut down for COVID. And we want to keep them safe. And what happens after they say yes, because it's a big investment is usually I expect to freak out. And I consider that part of the process. It's like a big investment to a big life change. I understand that and now they're by themselves with all of their freak outs. For a couple of months before we get to what they paid for. So the first thing I do is I send them my money goddess experience home study course so that they can start on the transformation before we get together because I don't want them just hanging in the wind. But I also put them into a secret Facebook group. And by the way, you can totally steal the strategy if you have something like that. And I tell them, this is what I want you to do. I'm going to introduce you and I want you to say, what the fuck have I gotten myself into? I'm freaking out, bro, cuz all the other women who have done it over the last 10 years were in your shoes, too. And they can talk about their freakout and what they did and what how they feel about it now. So you're in you're like, in a group of sisters that, you know, it's like, no, it's, it's not supposed to be easy, because by the time everybody shows up, you're invested, you're not gonna waste it. And you know, everybody else has been through it too. And there's an instant sisterhood from that standpoint. And it's perfect for me as a coach, because you are, you know, it's like, you're gonna go deep, to make sure it works, which is the perfect you I have leverage. That's why I do it. And just the effort. Have the courage to get through your own stuff to get there is transformational in itself. So, but I never pressure anyone in because I know what's going to come up. So one of the reason I brought up the story, remember, I tell stories, and I forget the reason I just remembered why. Good. So Sandra, posted in response to one of the new women who's like, Oh, my God, I'm freaking out. And Sandra posted, you know, I wanted to go for three years. Before I finally said yes. And then she talked about why she's so glad she did. And she was in my last group in 2019. Because for obvious reasons. We didn't do it last year and drink Coke is a trash fire. We ignore that. Yeah. So um, and this is what I this is what happened. And this was what I got out of it. So I am fine. You know, I may feel really sad, because I may love somebody, and I may see what's possible for them. And I want them to have it. But I can't make anybody want something. And if they want it, but they're afraid to take the step. I can't take that step for them. But what happens is if I give somebody total permission to say no. Then they talk themselves into it if they're going to come. And then they're on board. But if I have to manipulate or trick somebody into it, those real problems have never been addressed. They just kind of said yes by duress. And I think there's an underlying resentment. They aren't really there in a free will. So when you said yes, you had already like, got, you've got all of your nose out of the way. One of my favorite clients Shalini from Thailand, was in my room, the meeting room in Bali in 2014. The first time she came back for some other retreats. But she was there saying, you know, I made this massive list of all the reasons to say no. And then she started going down the list. Her husband was in a bunch of lawsuits, they just they were remodeling the house, she needed private tuition for two kids. That was astronomically expensive. She wanted to visit her aging parents. And she you know, had enrolled in these courses in the United States. And just like on and on and on any one of them was like a perfect reason to say no. Right? To coming up with the money and taking the flight to Bali and spending a week with me. But she's there. So like she's sitting there telling me all the reasons to not be there. But she's there. Like, oh, this is news to me. I had no idea. This is the so she's like giving me this epically long list of really compelling cons to being there. But she's there and she said there was only one thing on the pro side of the list, which was she felt like her soul would die if she wasn't there. Let's do yeah, that's priceless. You have to go. Yeah, that's that's what my people sound like. That's extremely valuable. And that's awesome, too. Because that was the biggest thing. He was teaching me. He's a very rough guy. And he's like, just keep going no matter what because you waste He phrased it I was I was trying to paraphrase, paraphrase and simplify, he said something effective because like when we were working, he was like mentoring me in the office between students He's like, just so you know, like half my students, it takes me almost six months of Adam, just to get him to commend and take the nurse six months to see if they're ever going to stay. seasick, so he's like, I'm playing the really long game. It's like a year to two years with you guys. He's like, that's where he's like, you're going to get a lot of news in that time. Just ignore it. Get back to them later. That's where you meant no is not necessarily a No, just wait kind of thing. I like your guidance. See the people who say yes, Shalini had a $2,000 offer. Now her offers 50,000. And people are saying yes. You know, so it's like the people who say yes, because they weren't pressured, or the people are going to get the most value because they're the right fit. Because I fundamentally believe that people know where they belong. Which is a kick in the ass, though. Yeah. Well, sometimes people need life to kick them in the ass a little longer before they say yes, yeah. Only you can figure that out. I do believe that human beings fundamentally know kind of where they belong. You know, what your right amount of money, your right kind of lifestyle, your right kind of relationship, eventually you figure that out. And you know, and you're really the only one who can decide that. And, you know, if a coach is right for you, or if a business is right for you, now coaches can help you with all that. But you know, I, I have an easily seduced, let's just say in business and in in all the all those sales techniques, I'm easily easily seduced. And I've hired people that I knew that there was like that screaming in the back of my head going no, but on paper, and the promises looked so good, and I got burned every time. And it's like dating a guy who you know, isn't right for you. But he's cute. And I don't want to be alone and all that kind of stuff. But I knew and so at a certain point, you just really just have to be honest with yourself. And, and that just like your guy vetted you as, as a student, you know, you need to vet your clients and clients, you need to vet your coaches 100% Well, it's 100% agree with this, because it's like, it was when drugged out Josh was very, pretty much at his prime was going through puberty and all that weird shit. And it was on the heavy stuff. So it was just one of those. That's where he told me in one of those weird days of clarity, probably forgot to take my pills kind of thing. And he pretty much said it like that. He's like, my, I am no as successful as I am. But it literally took me 20 years to get here. And he's like, 10 of them, I really thought I was gonna have to go back to being a mechanic, because I was not making money kind of thing. He's like, but it was the 11th year and the 12 years that finally pushed it and it was actually my best year. He's like, he was like, I made almost like a million dollars in sales. He's like, never been able to do that again. But he's like, that prove to me I could truly do this. By the way, that's very, very important. Because it's easier. Like when you slay your monster, and you have your hot, beautiful, madly in love with you money, honey was like, Oh, you slay the monster for me, you're my hero. Because that's kind of how first this hetero guy is how the money honey shows up. Okay. Um, it's like, oh, my hero. And you're like, yes, I did that. It is great to already have the body memory, the knowledge, the awareness that you've already made that money. So you know how even if you haven't, it's less of a gap because you have done it. So you know, you can do it again. It's possible. There's a level of reality of already having that experience. It's very useful. doesn't mean you have to have it. But it's, it's a it's a great thing to have if you do. I also respect slow builds. More than instant, easy success. One of my mentors back in like 2007 I was like, oh, My ceiling of what I believe possible for me is too low, I need a mentor. And so a billionaire, literally, not literally, but almost literally dropped in my lap. It wasn't that wasn't that kind of relationship. So not literally in my lap. Right, um, but really, really interesting human being. And I studied his more than anything, I knew my agenda, we became really good friends who loved my work around money, and I was studying his values and the strategies. He was born really poor. Okay, he built his empire starting with door to door sales, he learned how to sell. And he told me, you know, and and he was the one who told me that selling his storytelling, and gave me an example of that. He was another one it was that year, he was the other one who said, you have to raise your prices? And I'm like, No, no, no, nobody will be able to afford me. Of course they could. But here was one of the things that really, really stuck in my psyche is, so he had five houses around the world, I only went to the one in Santa Monica. That house in the Santa Monica was like half of the Santa Monica Mountains, it was like a state park size itself feels so much land in the Santa Monica Mountains above Malibu. And he had five mansions. Like he had mega mansions, because they built a mansion for every wife. And then they would get divorced. But he just and then he would get a new wife and he would build a new mansion for her. And then he, after all, that he just built his own little ideal not Mansion House, where he just wanted to live on this enormous, beautiful property of forests and mountains above the ocean in Malibu. But it was like, literally, it was like his property was like a state park in itself. And at the time, I heard it was valued at $115 million, which may even be conservative, I don't know, if you believe more now. Oh, I'm doubtedly. And at least double that now, two or three times that now. But uh, he showed me how he put it together. And he started in like, I don't know, the 60s and the 70s, when land was cheap. And he would buy these little parcels that had no road access, and another parcel and another parcel and another parcel that had no road access. And he started stringing them together so that they were connecting over decades, very, very patience, until finally, the last piece gave him road access. And that's when the property became valuable. He just had to wait and wait and wait and wait until that piece became available, and he had the money for it. Then he got the deal he wanted. And then suddenly, all this land that nobody could get to was suddenly really, really valuable. But it was that strategy of his patients is something that just is not I think recognized enough. And I think that is what made him a billionaire. I wanted was long term thinking. You, especially if you're going to achieve billionaire, one of my guests, I listen to his show all the time. And he has a lot of like, Great billionaires, some of them I didn't even like know, because most billionaires you think oh, like it's like Elon Musk. We all know who he is a billionaire. It's like, it's surprising how many multi billionaires like multimillionaires and billionaires we don't even know exist kind of thing. Most of them want to live below the surface have great lives and don't need or want that kind of attention. And that's where as I listened to one of his guest shows it was a multi billionaire. But he says his strategy to how he knows he can always build a multi billion dollar company says, what product? Can I sell 100 million times for $10 Hmm. And he's like, there you go. We have a multi billion dollar company. And I just sat there and I'm like, That's a hard question to answer then if that is literally your full foolproof way of making a billion dollar company. So what can I sell to literally 100 million people for like $10? Well, and that's one way I'm, I'm a really big fan of Buckminster Fuller. And he taught his own business program. He's the geodesic dome physicist philosopher from the 20th century. And he started a business school that has then been licensed in and perpetuated by a group called accelerated learning, I think, and they have a class called money and you that I was invited to because they were looking at licensing my my financial alchemy stuff, and I'm really, really good friends with the owner. So I took their class and I'm just forever a fan of Buckminster Fuller as a result. And one of the exercises was to demonstrate through like a horse ring toss how much easier it is to sell a tiny thing over and over and over and over again, instead of like, sell one, you know, get the big prize way out there farther away and just lend the million. So that is one way to do it. I've kind of gone in a different direction, because I found that the person who pays $10, or $50, wants to be the center of the universe just as much as the person who spends $10,000, or $50,000. But I can serve the person who pays $10,000, or $50,000 a lot more because I need fewer. Right. And in the end, it gets to a point where the $10 person may just be too much energy and investment to be profitable. So then I focus on, I have a friend who describes it as problem children. Let's, let's imagine we are all problem children. I'm a problem child too. We're all every client is a problem child, they have a problem. They want it they want to be parented and helped and loved and supported. And everybody wants to be the center of the universe because we are the center of our universe. How many problem children can you make happy 100 million? Is it easier to make 10 problem children happier? So your billionaire, if he's selling like a cute little widget? He did? that's what that's what he said. That's right. Like, if it's a little like plush toy, yes, yes, that's marketing. But it's also a lot of work to sell on that scale. So it really depends. That is one way. And that's not the only way. Well, his best way to say his backstory is I guess he created one of the main chips for cell phones for receiving signals kind of thing. So I was that's where my listening to it. I'm thinking, the guy interviewing Steve Sims. And I'm like, this guy literally has the person who invented how I get single to listen to him. Brilliant. I'm like, this is freaking awesome. And this is definitely someone I need to take note on. Yeah, I look, I love smart people. And I love people who have solutions. And they're just so many ways to do things. One of the things that I liked about my mentor, I'm not naming him, although he died recently, he was such a good man is because he did things his way which kind of, you know, opened up possibilities for me that I hadn't considered is he had a personal relationship with all of his employees. everywhere we went, people who work for him said, I love you and I just bought my house because of you. They were just like, they loved him. And he literally said to me that he kept his he intentionally kept his business small, so that he could have a personal relationship with everybody in his business. That doesn't mean it was small financially. Right? But, you know, it's like, different billionaires have different ways. Like, you know, Richard Branson does not know everybody in all of his various companies, right? Because he has his you know, he does his thing as does musk and everybody does their thing. And you just want to find the way of doing business that aligns with your values and helps the most people I'm not impressed by billionaires who harm people. Oh, I'm not either and it was just like so that's a good point. That was one of the main things I've caught on for listening my guests a lot of them are very successful. Like you and the ultimate like so you know little dogma rule of business and Mike Yeah, you hire as many people grown them in the ground and he's like, Okay, so what's the rule? I'm listening, I'm willing to edit everything you tell me and he's like, significant core group of people. He's like, it sounds weird and kind of cold this but it kind of is but not in a rude way. You make sure they are so much more aligned with the business than you That literally, if you're sick for, like, you know, if you're sick for two weeks, that someone is actually going to step up because they believe in the product. Even though the leader is gone, they will step up and Mike. But the old dogma says you're not supposed to be like that he's like, that's not how I got successful. He's like most people actually do that. He's like, you want them stronger rally behind your cause your flag your why the New York Times are like, guys kind of calm down kind of thing. Like, we don't need to be that crazy. I agree with that. I agree with that so strongly. And that dogma of grinding people down is bad business, because that's it, you don't get retention. And then you have to keep bringing in new people and training new people, there's no loyalty. And that's a disaster. And that's actually the biggest one one of my guests that was willing to pay me $10,000, I was interviewing on his, he interviewed me. And that's where I told him like, I've come to realize the old dogma of the 30s. Back then it was perfect. You didn't want a human to have creative ideas, and mess up the machine that was making the Ford cars. At the time, it was good. They didn't have automation. Now we have automation. And we have the internet. So we're more free to be creative and expressive and actually think, because now we're in the age of thinking not doing well, and it wasn't good, then it was still what people most people don't know about Ford is he built a car plant in Germany called El schvitz. With free slave labor, a lot of a lot of them Jews, those they took a lot of the concentration camp people and just for concentration camp was actually built around that, around that and for received a medal from Adolf Hitler as a hero of the Reich. The Third Reich could not have succeeded without Ford bent manufacturing, all the cars and vehicles that the that the army that the Nazi Armani, Nazi army needed. He was a hero. He made a lot of money because Auschwitz was created to build vehicles and cars with slave labor. And then when people were no longer useful, they were exterminated. Right? So he was not just a partner in the Nazi regime, but necessary to it. Oh, a key player. I'm very aware that I just actually not many people. I was shocked when I found that out. Because I was like, Oh, my God, he's such a great guy. He's a hero. He paid his workers well, and then in the states in the States. Yeah, really sad. That he, you know, sad to find that out about him. That's where I used their blueprint. But I don't use the details kind of thing when I'm formulating stuff, because I don't use the genocide part of it. No, no, no, no. I never get away or not. Yeah, but like Rockefeller, did you know he intentionally? him Edison, Ford started the actual school system. No, but I have heard that the schools were designed to train workers, not creative thinkers, because literally wouldn't there was no school establishment system. But when the second industrial revolution happened when Rockefeller got his claim to fame, they all said, We need workers, we don't need thinkers. So they established a system. And this is the one I can't prove it, but it makes sense for him. He intentionally introduced feminism to split the nation, because if they're split, we can sell to them. If they're together, we can't Well, okay, first of all, he didn't because it was like female when we're going back to john adams wife, she was saying, don't forget us, give us the vote we're citizens to so feminism has existed as long as women have been intelligent thinking human beings, which is always if we go, you know, back 1000s of years, we have Cleopatra, we have Buddha sia, we have some of the judges and prophetesses in in the Bible we have, we have the now we're really going on a tangent. There's an awesome book called the chalice in the blade. I can't remember the name of the author, one of my favorite books, it's the macro history of the human race. We're not looking at hundreds of years, we're looking at 10s and hundreds of 1000s of years. We're looking at Crete, we're looking at the majority of human history was not hierarchical by gender. We call it matriarchal. Because a lineage was passed down through the mom, because we only know for certain who the mother is, by obvious, you know, came out of my body kind of thing. But there was not there was not racial or, or gender hierarchy until maybe around 7000 years ago and a drill different shift in culture. But human culture was way more oriented on scientific innovation and health and artistry, we have we can see on the island of Crete that they had like flushable, toilets, and all sorts of amazing technology that you wouldn't have expected. So long ago, we can see in the history of religion, which is where I got my degree at Smith College, we can see in the mythology, the shift, were suddenly in classical antiquity, in Greek mythology, you have all these powerful goddesses including Hara the goddess of heaven, which kind of implies that she's the Supreme Being suddenly becomes a jealous wife. And she's basically basically raped and married by her brother. And you have all these goddesses who were powerful goddesses being raped by God's and that's a metaphor for a, a political and military shift that was happening even in Judaism, all of the stuff about the asterisks. And and the golden calf is pointing to an earlier religion that have more feminine divinity, the first word in the Hebrew Bible, when God is hovering over the waters as a feminine word, the Shekinah, I can geek out on this stuff for ever, obviously. So how did I get off on that tangent? Remember, this truck filler inducing feminism and right, so No, he didn't, he may have used it as a tool. But women have been leaders and scholars, as long as we have had leaders and scholars, including military leaders and scholarship. Heroes, here's what I think about, you know, the three of them invent, you know, introducing public education, I wasn't aware of that, I'll have to look that up and learn more about it. But you know, sometimes people end up doing good things for the wrong reasons. I think any system that teaches people, and teaches everybody to read and write, and add for free, is good for humanity. Okay? period. Because once you can read, you can read anything, including the stuff that maybe they don't want you to read, you can write, and you can communicate with people all over the planet. And you need to add, because that's just part of how the how the world works, right? Um, so yeah, maybe they didn't come up with the best education system in the world. But I'm a product of public education. And it worked for me. And well, no, and that was the whole point from what I've heard. And I don't know of any materials or references on like, books or articles, I think it was passed down from, like a mentor or something learned when I was, but uh, it was just one of those sort of clarifier for me, I am your whole tangent of women and rights and more power than before. It's like, yes, like, I think they just found in Egypt or some tribe like 10,000 years ago, that the woman actually was the one calling all the shots, not the man. They originally thought it was America, there were more men in one area. And then they're now coming to realize, Oh, wait, she has the really, really expensive crown on her head. Like, maybe women were more pivotal than we gave him credit. Go archaeology had a very, like, white man. Right, bias hermeneutic and in, I had to throw the word hermeneutic. That's like, I don't know what that is. Price word. hermeneutic is like the filter with which you interpret things. Okay. It's it's the fanciest word I know, from my degree from my religion degree. Okay. Um, so, and I, how often do you get to use it? So? Can you use that in a sentence? So they would interpret grave sites to fit their worldview. Men are the hero. Women are the sex objects. And then they started to realize, wait a second. Maybe these aren't sex dolls. These are goddesses maybe. And they started seeing burials where the women were actually obviously, although it may not have been them. It may have been started to be women archaeologists, but they started to dig up more and more women warriors and women, Queens, women buried with all the trappings of rulership that they kept saying, Oh, she must have been a wife but no, actually She was the leader. So originally, women were the leaders because women were. I mean, that we grow babies in our bodies, I still can't get over that that's just so wild and weird, miraculous, it's just like crazy magic. They're there. It wasn't a reverse matriarchy was not the mirror image reverse a patriarchy wasn't women way up here, man way down there kind of second class citizens, it was less hierarchical. But women have a larger role to play in cosmology, divinity leadership, then we've seen in like, there was a change in the last seven, about 7000 years ago, a bunch of white guys and horses from the Russian steps were like, light is good, dark is bad. Sex is dirty death is noble. And that kind of changed our whole efos on on the planet for or much of the planet for a long time went into an extreme pendulum. I'm really hoping that is shifting. I think we're it is shifting, and we're seeing a lot of social resistance to that. No 100 is necessary for survival, you know, just on this planet? Totally. No. And the reason I brought it up that way is my personal theory is the because I have nothing to back this. So this is a completely theory. This is the best, thank you, um, is at a certain point. There was a big shift. Because like, like I was saying earlier, the women were the leaders that you would like you're saying to religious people and this and that. As I, I've talked to other great, wonderful women like you, I realized, wait, they have way more going on, then we realized because a lot of the female entrepreneurs talk to you they're like, Josh, by the way, if you want a really good we're like worker that will actually like do like without being creepy and weird. Like you want to. We only need one employee, you can only afford one to like hire a mom, specifically a single mom that just had a kid that's five years old. Do like they will haul ask because they want you to succeed so they can get paid. Because they don't want their kid to fail. And I'm like, Oh, see, told her like deleted lightheartedly. And I think you that again, I was thinking that and I said it out of context or sound like I'm a terrible person, kind of thing. But now I have a better context to explain it. Well, that Yeah, by the way, for parents who listened to the whole financial alchemy money, monster thing, money, honey thing that we discussed a couple years ago on on one episode. Yeah, you know, one of the most useful things to get rid of the monsters, just imagine that it's going to what it's going to do to your children, if you don't get rid of it, that will that'll motivate any parent like that, to do whatever it takes. Also, moms just, you know, women in general are far better at multitasking than men. And, and managing and scheduling and, and being very strategic with their time and their energy. Yes, but and by the way, because it's a job. And I and I see this all the time online and it breaks my heart where somebody says I just quit my job. And now I need to build a business and I just want to scream No. Oh, it's just sad. Um, but how did they know especially because there are lots of coaches are saying, you know, have no safety net, you know, quit your job. And it's just bad that bad news. The it's like, it's so much better to have a side hustle. Because if you it because you just have to become so much more efficient and strategic with your time and your energy. Moms are just kind of superheroes of managing difficult people. Um, overcoming obstacles, and yeah, really, really huge sense of the future, and consequences and motivation. That was the biggest one, the guests was telling me it was her and one other person that I how I tied the two together, because the one lady looked at me like, you don't strike me as the most nicest person when you're talking to people and like, Yeah, I heard a lot of people's feelings. She's like, when you hire a mom. They will be the one where you tell her. She'll filter it and explain to everyone else without hurting your feelings, and I'm like, brilliant. How much do I got to pay kind of thing as you like no other superhero thing about moms? Can you hurt cats and like no. Being a cat woman doesn't sound terrible. I said I'd probably be rough mangry and be one of them gets too close to excellent kick me like what are you doing next to me kind of thing. She's like, see moms can herd cats and give them lollipops, while taking care of the kids and the business. I'm like, I probably would have broke after even a millennium lollipop because it's a what they'll be doing again. Yeah, actually, Catskills come in really, really handy because you know, I'm talking about change happens at the speed of safety. You have to make a cat feel safe. And like you aren't trying to grab the cat to lock it up in the cat room so that you can go to sleep. So there's so much like ninja psychological warfare in rounding up the cats at night, yeah, and each of them is different. One of them is like, you know, wants to run into the cat room. But then there's the other who just wants to hide even though you go through it every night and you just have to know what makes her feel safe. So that you can grab her and lock her up so you can get a good night's sleep. I was just using the metaphor of accidentally kicking so it's like what do you do it on my foot? I didn't even see you there kind of thing. Well, yeah, they also try to kill you regularly by stepping in front of your feet especially on the stairs. Oh my god. Seriously, my one buddy has his cat and it is one of those I just have a very kind demeanor and so the cat The cat came up did not like me and heavier cat and I at times I'm like buddy Can you like cut back his food a little kind of thing. He jumped up a mold the shit out of me. But deer just like scratched me up like bait me everywhere can hurt you did and then I literally pick up the cat lately looked at an bloody face and everything and says you're not doing that again. Understood. Put it down it's never done it again since Good. Good. And that's my buddy like that cat always attack people and like not. I talked to a certain voice it may not understand English, but it understands the tone and it's like I messed up my I'm not doing that again. You're the alpha cat. Some cats are just big. You know, I've been like you my whole cat collection except for my husband's cat from the backyard and some one of them is two or three times bigger than all the others. Because he's just built that way he's just a big orange cat. And the other cats are never gonna be as big as him and it isn't even about food. He's just like a beef a bowl of a cat sweetest cat has net always I there's something maybe he's my first ginger. He always retracts his claws. I've been scraped by all the other cats and they and these are cats who loved me But if a cat freaks out you know all that skin is fair game. But he no matter what has never ever scratched me like he was the he was the one I didn't have to trick I just picked him up from my backyard and carry them into the house. He's just so sweet and one he just wanted love. That's awesome. Yeah. Sounds like your husband's coming down. I don't know what that was. No, he's still up there. Ghosts then. Yeah, probably a cat honestly. Oh see ghosts a cat. Yeah, I locked I locked them up before this otherwise you know it'd be dead orange cat again his has decided on the love of his life. So when I'm like on an interview, he gets really jealous and he starts like ripping around the room making all sorts of noise Yes, you're right. My husband is coming down the stairs now. way the the initial bang went Yeah. So is your time do you gotta get going? Yes. only been three and a half hours. It doesn't even feel like it. It was fun. I hope you can use this giant like conglomeration. 100% It's gonna be great. I would love to have you on in the future. Anytime I'm your wonderful thinking we're gonna have again Are you you're in California where? Near Glendora California. Where's that? So you know where LA is? Yep. Not literally, but like 30 miles south of LA. I'm in Long Beach. So you must be East somewhere. Yes. I'm actually About the same distance, but I'm more west for you. I'll have to look it up. Yep, Glendora California. Okay, great. All right. We're gonna have a good one. You too. Bye bye