REDEFINING THE COUGAR!!!

For decades, the word "cougar" has been defined by stereotypes.

This episode changes that.

What if a Conscious Cougar isn't a woman chasing younger men at all?

What if she's a woman who has made a decision...

...to stop postponing her life.

In this powerful return to The Conscious Cougar Podcast, Gillian V. Harris introduces a completely new way of thinking about one of the most misunderstood labels in modern culture. She explores the true power of consciousness, intentional living, and what it means to become what she calls an Apex Creator—a woman who consciously shapes the next chapter of her life with wisdom, courage, and purpose.

Whether you're single, married, dating, divorced, widowed, or have never dated anyone younger than yourself, this conversation isn't about your relationship status.

It's about your relationship with yourself.

If you've ever wondered whether your most vibrant, meaningful years might still be ahead of you...

This episode is your invitation to rethink everything.

Welcome to The Conscious Cougar.

Forget everything you think you know.

Namaste basically means; We Are One!

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:02

Let's get something out of the way right now. The moment most people hear the word cougar, they picture something. An older woman chasing a younger man, at minimum. That's what they picture. Okay. And that is not what this podcast is about. In fact, that's not even what the conscious cougar is about. What if I told you that a happily married woman who's never ever even dated a younger man could still be a conscious cougar? Stick with me, because today we're gonna blow up the biggest misconception about women over 50 ever. Okay? I'm Jillian Harris. And I have been meaning to do this topic literally for six years. So what do you say? We do it now. Today's episode is brought to you by Ken Moje's Cool Art on Cool Stuff. Visit Kenmoji's.com. That's Ken K-E-N as and Nancy, M is in Mary, O J I S and Sam.com, KenMojis.com, be cool, look cool, and many purchases help support a great cause. This episode is also brought to you by Valet of the Dolls Concierge, the one-stop shop for all your event needs. Whether you're looking for valet parking, including our signature all-female valet team, professional bartenders, event assistants, greeters, or other support staff or services, Valet of the Dolls Concierge connects you with Southern California's most elite event service providers. Because when the details are handled by experts, you're free to enjoy your own party. Visit valetofthedolls.com, proudly serving the greater Los Angeles area of Southern California. So you know, I didn't add the word conscious to make cougar sound prettier or cooler. I added it because cougar by itself was incomplete. The word cougar described a behavior. The word conscious describes a philosophy. The two words together become something new. A cougar has experience. A conscious cougar has integrated that experience. This is a huge difference. A lot of people get older, but not everybody gets wiser. Time alone doesn't create wisdom. Reflection does, application does, humility does. Choosing differently after life knocks you down does. That's why I don't think consciousness is simply awareness. For this philosophy, consciousness is intentional evolution. A conscious cougar, okay, doesn't just accumulate birthdays. She accumulates understanding. She doesn't merely survive heartbreak, she extracts the lesson. She doesn't merely gain wrinkles, okay? She gains perspective. She doesn't just get older, she becomes more herself. A lot plays into our day-to-day evolution. Spirit guides, intuition, divine guidance, mentors, or simply life itself as the teacher. The underlying principle is the same. Every experience is trying to educate us. So the conscious cougar is the woman who pays attention. That to me is the essence of consciousness. And let me be clear about something. I call myself the conscious cougar. I do. It's it's cute, it's catchy. But really, I'm just a conscious cougar. And I'm hoping that, you know, as I get into the further definition of what it is, you realize you're a conscious cougar too, or that you'd like to be one. So consciousness. Consciousness is deep. It's deep. And when a lot of people think about it, they think, you know, meditation, they get the crystals and whatnot. But I say from this framework, consciousness is much more practical. Like, I don't make today's decisions with yesterday's level of awareness. That's consciousness. When it comes to dating, for instance, I've learned. When it comes to money, I've learned. When it comes to my body, when it comes to boundaries, I've learned. I've learned to choose peace over chaos. Every category of life becomes elevated because the woman herself has evolved and was paying attention. I gotta share with you the moment that this thing happened. It was 2018. I had just finished writing my book, um, Have We Met? How to identify your reincarnated loved ones. Basically, this is a story about me and an instructor that I had in broadcasting school back in my 20s. He was in his 50s, and there was a there was a there was a there was a connection, okay? And then he passed away. 30-ish years later, I meet him again. And that's what the story is about. And it's quite profound. And there are evidential mediumship moments that explain the whole book in the book. But I'm done with that, and I'm talking to my mom, I go, I guess I'm a cougar. And then I go, a conscious cougar. And in that moment, it was just so funny. We fell out, and it just stuck from that time. I'm like, I'm supposed to do something with this. I'm not quite sure what, but over time I have done a lot with Ms. Conscious Cougar. Conscious Cougar. The rhythm is not accidental. It almost sounds like an archetype, right? The explorer, the sage, the creator, the conscious cougar. I'm not gonna lie, I am extremely proud of the fact that I've been flirted with, seriously pursued by men 20 years younger than me, the biggest. I hate saying this because you're gonna try to do the math, and I promise you it was not uh someone underage. So this really goes like, oh my god, what is she saying? I don't know if I want to acknowledge all the numbers, but um, almost 40 years. And, you know, I didn't tell him, yes, I was I had a crush on his dad. So I couldn't do that, you know what I mean? But I was still so lifted, elevated. But so let's talk about it, okay? I think assuming that a cougar only dates younger men is like one of the most least interesting parts of the conversation, and then throw conscious on it, and it just dissolves any of that nonsense. A conscious cougar is somebody who has spent decades turning experience into wisdom, and then has the courage to let that wisdom shape every choice she makes. From love to health to purpose to joy. Dating is simply one expression of the consciousness, not its definition. And this conversation that we're having, it is about so much more than just age gap relationships. You're listening to a podcast about becoming the fullest version of yourself in the second half of your life. And that is a much bigger conversation than age gap dating. Feel me? You know what this is about? It's about participation. That's different. This isn't about makeup and whatnot, you know? I'm just saying don't check out of your life just because you've gotten older. That's the difference in this message today. The conscious cougar's motto is wisdom, health, and beauty by any means necessary. But now notice I did not say perfection. I didn't say youth. I didn't say looking 25. I said beauty. Beauty is participation. Beauty is saying, I am still here. I still matter. I still deserve my own effort. And how much effort? Well, you know, to teach his own kind of thing. Like maybe you still, you know, feel like all you need is a little lipstick. Maybe you love mascara, you know, and you've got great lashes anyway, but you just love mascara. Or maybe you don't wear makeup at all. Maybe you keep your skin healthy though, and and your hair beautiful. Maybe you lift weights, maybe you dance, maybe you whiten your teeth. Do each his her own, right? Maybe you wear colors that brighten you up. Maybe you had a facelift, maybe you didn't. I really am not talking about which road you choose. I just care that you choose. Like, don't retire. Self-care. That's all I'm saying. And that is the by any means necessary part. The consciousness isn't the lipstick. The consciousness is in the decision not to abandon yourself. Do you feel me? I am definitely not criticizing people who don't wear makeup. I am often that woman. Yes, I am, right now, as I sit here at this moment. And I could jump up and go run an errand just like this, too. What I am criticizing in a productive way, I hope, is resignation. That's the important distinction. Because a woman can consciously decide, I love my natural face. That's wonderful. Another woman can consciously decide, I love lipstick, a little filler and fabulous earrings. That too is awesome. The common denominator is not the cosmetics. It's that neither woman has surrendered. Neither has said, Well, I guess this is it. I don't matter anymore. Game over. Oh well. All done. I'm just a grandmother now. The conscious cougar is anti that. The opposite of consciousness is not wrinkles. The opposite of consciousness is giving up. Because now we're not talking about cosmetics. We're talking about engagement with life. Let's get back to the motto. I'm gonna drop that on you several times before I'm done here. Wisdom, health, beauty by any means necessary. And I hope that I've impressed upon you already that beauty is not anything more than participation in your best self. Well, let me bring it back to the motto wisdom, health, beauty. Those are not three separate things, actually. These are three expressions of the same decision. It's a choice to keep showing up for you. And as I say that, I want to remind you again that, yeah, I call myself the conscious cougar. And I have these moments sometimes where I'm talking to people about the platform and they're going, oh, you're the conscious cougar? And I love saying, Yeah, I am. I'm her. But really, genuinely, the truth, I'm just a conscious cougar. As I discuss this stuff, I'm putting it to you so you can see yourself and recognize, oh, what she's talking about, I am that. This is an invitation that I'm extending to you, not to become younger, but to become more present, more intentional, and more fully expressed than you have ever been before. It's not time to be less. It's time to let it all shine. Especially and hear me, when life is lifing. Oh my god. I mean, just think about some of the stuff that you've gone through: trauma chapters, drama chapters, crazy shit that you handled. You had to say, okay, wait a minute, and handle. Whereas if you take the same situation and put yourself, imagine yourself having to have dealt with it 30, 40 years ago, mightn't you have spun out? You know what I mean? This life lifing thing, challenges and whatnot, this is when the essence of the consciousness of the conscious cougar shines. She doesn't have to panic, she solves the thing. You use your years of wisdom, your resources, or you find new resources and solve the thing. Boom. No need to spin. In younger years you might have flipped completely out, called in an unhealthy dose of non-productive cortisol, but that was then, and this is now. Pat yourself on the back, cougar. You've gotten conscious. Now, don't get me wrong, I definitely feel and love the value of being a conscious cougar in the arena of romance. Absolutely. But notice we're really not focused on that right now. This isn't even about menopause. It's not even about beauty. It's about how consciousness behaves under pressure. And when life is lifing, the conscious cougar doesn't assume there's no solution. She assumes there is one and she goes looking for it. And that's not optimism. That's an operating system. A lot of people, I know you know y'all, when they hit an obstacle, and you may have been that person, I have, on occasion, back in the day, unconsciously asked, why is this happening to me? That was then. Now, as a conscious cougar, I go, oh, interesting. What's the solution on this? Let's go directly to solution. How much time do I want to spend spinning on this? None? Okay, let's solve. That changes everything. Rather than spinning out, realize, yeah, it's a little dark right now in this situation. It's because it's the tunnel. But see, there's a light way down there. Calm down, focus, and go for it. I love the light at the end of the tunnel analogy. Especially when you really look into it, you're realizing you're not pretending that you're not in a situation like Mayday. You know, or maybe it's not all that deeply Mayday, but there's a a challenge. Potentially a darkness. And more than that, the tunnel is acknowledgement of a process. That's wisdom. And uh that's resilience born from experience. The thing happens. Uh okay, uh strategize, uh, execute, uh, move on. A lot of you might know that I'm also a driving instructor. Um I've been a precision driving instructor for a couple decades. Different department of my life. But there's a thing I teach called scam. It looks like scam, because the letters are S-C A M, which is, you know, stop. That's the S. Okay, now that you've stopped, uh calculate. Uh that's the C. What is it that you need to do to avoid hurting this vehicle in this moment?

unknown 17:39

Uh uh.

SPEAKER_00 17:42

While you're still stopped, and now that you have calculated, make the adjustment with your steering wheel. In a car it's a steering wheel. Now move. Stop, calculate, adjust, move. Same thing as strategize, execute, move the heck on. Translate that the healthy version of scamming into uh day-to-day life. That's not just business philosophy. That's life philosophy. Most people go like emotion, panic, reaction. The conscious cougar, however, goes awareness, strategy, execution, peace of mind. See the difference? She doesn't skip the emotion. Okay, she's got awareness. She simply doesn't let that emotion become the CEO. Another way that I like to describe the conscious cougar is that we are apex creators. Okay, now when you think about the cougar in the wild, known as an apex predator, just take the apex part, okay? Human cougars, especially when they're conscious, are apex creators because of everything that I've just described. The consciousness. And all of this creates a vibe about you. You know? Here's a for instance. People often come to me with business questions. They come to me because they know that I know. And they also know that if I don't know, I'm gonna tell them where to go to get in the know. And I might even say something like, Once you know, let me know. You know? I am an apex creator. And not because I possess all the answers, but because I've learned something more valuable. I fully trust that if I don't have the answers, I'm gonna find the answers. I have full confidence in that. So whatever the issue is will be solved. That confidence, that's a swagger. It's not I know everything, but I know I'll figure it out. So next. This keeps us in a place of peace. Inner peace. The exhale. Our natural state as spirit beings is that of joy. If we are not in joy mode, we're also less powerful. Joy is also a great way to gauge whether you are in your most authentic space or whether there's interruptions going on in your energy field. Where are those interruptions coming from? And I acknowledge that there is naturally supposed to be a healthy ebb and flow in how we feel. As spirit beings, we are emotion. And we're not just one emotion, we're many. But I do believe uh our baseline is that of joy. Now, whether somebody shares that spiritual belief with me, it's you know, or simply thinks of joy as human flourishing. The practical results are the same. The conscious cougar isn't trying to manufacture peace, she's trying to stop abandoning it. She knows panic is noisy. Wisdom, on the other hand, is usually quiet. That's why she has swagger. Not because she's showing off because she's no longer terrified every time life changes the friggin' plan. That is a very different kind of confidence. I think that's one of the foundational principles of the conscious cougar. It connects everything that we've been building. Health, wisdom, beauty, relationships, business, spirituality, and joy. Under one idea. A conscious cougar doesn't move through life trying or hoping to not encounter challenges. She moves through life knowing that whatever comes, she has become the kind of woman who can meet it. Hell yeah. A conscious cougar is a woman who consciously creates every area of her life. And a little recap summary that I'm putting here together that I'm gonna state for you for clarity, clarity, clarity. What is a conscious cougar? Is she single? Maybe. Is she dating? Maybe. Is she happily married? Maybe. Does she date younger men? Maybe. Does she date older men? Maybe. Does she date women? Maybe. Is she dating anyone at all? Maybe not. Because none of these categories are the point. The point is the woman. I hope it's getting simpler. A conscious cougar is a woman who consciously chooses health, a woman who consciously chooses wisdom, consciously chooses beauty, a woman who consciously creates the next chapter of her life instead of waiting for someone to give her permission or to create it for her. That's a conscious cougar. And all that other stuff, romance, the beauty, success, purpose, adventure, health, joy, all of that becomes expressions of the woman that you've consciously become, not the other way around. And let me just say this. When it comes to age preference for me personally in dating, I'm not looking for somebody in their 20s. In their 30s, even no. 40s, even no. It doesn't get interesting to me until 50s. And it's always kind of been that way for me, even when I was in my 20s. Even in my 20s, I saw the attractiveness of men in their 50s. Now I'm this evolved woman. I date both men and women, and I see the attractiveness of both. But most what I'm uh in their 50s. But what I'm trying to and 60s and beyond. What I'm saying is, I need the maturity. I need the life experience. I need to know that they've traveled uh enough of the journey that I've traveled where they can meet me in conversation and intellect and and and all of that. And I'm a sapiosexual person. So there's that. We'll talk about those categories another time. That's interesting as well. So next time we're talking about situationship rehab, because we have to talk about situationships. There's an epidemic of situationships going on. Even a marriage can become a situationship. Yeah. Do I have your attention now? Okay, great. Not because there's anything wrong with loving deeply, but because so many incredible people keep investing their hearts in relationships that never had the capacity to become what they hoped. Now remember, not all situationships are dead ends. We'll talk about that. And situationship rehab is not about blaming anybody. I also want to say situationship rehab is not about leaving a situation. I think the magic isn't that people learn to leave a situationship. The magic is that they learn to stop creating them. That's the much bigger intention of the course. So the rehab, like say if you take it, it's on a Thursday, uh, then you uh take the course, it's 90 minutes, then you've got a week to the next Thursday, where we meet again. Yeah, for another 90 minutes. And it definitely is a wonderful process. I want to say also that um we do it also as a retreat twice a year out in the desert. The retreat is amazing. Talk about transformation happening, you know, because sometimes changing your love life doesn't begin with finding the right partner, it begins with becoming the version of yourself who no longer settles for the wrong one. I'm Jillian Harris, the conscious cougar. Now go live on purpose.