Take This Job And Shove It... Even Deeper!

In this episode of Tales from the Crawl Space, hosts Brad and Jack engage in humorous banter while sharing various stories about quitting jobs, workplace frustrations, and the importance of vehicles in their work lives. They discuss the therapeutic nature of venting frustrations, the absurdity of certain workplace situations, and the transition from being an employee to an employer. The conversation is filled with laughter, personal anecdotes, and reflections on the pest control industry, making it relatable for anyone who has experienced the ups and downs of work life. In this lively conversation, the hosts share humorous and outrageous quitting stories from various workplaces, emphasizing the importance of family and personal well-being. They discuss unique resignation techniques, including creative letters and memorable exits, while also engaging in light-hearted banter about beverages and tumblers. The episode wraps up with reflections on the absurdities of work life and plans for future episodes.

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• 26:29 (Cont.) Take This Job And Shove It... Even Deeper!

Transcript

Choking Hazard (00:00.91)
Start the fucking video

OMH (00:22.254)
Now Jack, correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounded like somebody was enjoying that.

Choking Hazard (00:26.99)
Sometimes pain can be pleasure.

OMH (00:30.18)
Pain, yeah, the painter. So anyway, so hey guys, I'm Brad and welcome once again to Tales from the Crawl Space podcast. You know, we're gonna cover some ground tonight with a continuation of one of our previous episodes and to help me along with that across the expanse of the Eastern United States and up a mountain is the beloved Jack Starry. Jack, how are you today?

Choking Hazard (00:58.082)
Hey there, hi there, ho there, and don't forget that painter is not the same as pain-is. There's a distinct difference.

OMH (01:03.034)
Painist that's right. Yeah, it's a yeah. Yeah, it's like tense. There's pain painter painist Yeah

Choking Hazard (01:09.486)
That's right. That's right. But you know, it's that time of year that what you can do is you can buy the Let It Snow wrapping paper and fold it just right around the around the present. So it says tits now on the present. Let it.

OMH (01:21.72)
Let's get the Excuse me, Mademoiselle, please show me the tits now. I'll play your game, Trebek. look at that already. he's waiting for us to read his post. That's what his comment. That's what I He's like, they're on, they're on, they're Yeah, hola, Hermanos, how you doing?

Choking Hazard (01:27.094)
I'd like to see La Titch now. Holy fuck Edwin Valerio made it. Look at that shit. What's up Edwin? Hola amigos.

hahahaha

Choking Hazard (01:42.424)
Damn right man, finally fucking made it. Hola señor. Como esta? That's all I got other than cost of the penis.

OMH (01:50.81)
Casa de Pepe! Donde esta Casa de Pepe?

Choking Hazard (01:57.188)
that's I have some Jack Daniels winter Jack, apple spiced apple punch. And it's tasty. It's quite nice.

OMH (01:59.548)
and what are you drinking tonight? I know we were gonna cover that maybe later in the show, but dude, tell us now. Tell us now. Okay, that stuff right there.

I enjoy that at this time of year. yeah, it is, it is a festive flavor added onto an old standby of Jack Daniels. Yes sir, as the French know, Jacques Daniel. Oui oui. yeah, anyway, so like the guy that was taking it, sounds like he was taking it hard on the intro, we are doing, take this job and shove it even deeper.

Choking Hazard (02:20.376)
Very festive. Very festive.

Zach Daniel. PP.

Choking Hazard (02:41.147)
Yes, yes. And we got some great fucking stories.

OMH (02:42.016)
And Jack, we do, man. mean, when we first, when we ran it a few weeks ago, the response was quite overwhelming, to be honest. And we had a lot of responses and a lot of we couldn't get to. So you know what? We're going to cover that tonight. yes, we know it's filler, but you know, it's what it is. You guys just going to have to fucking deal with it.

Choking Hazard (02:52.652)
Yes it was.

Choking Hazard (03:07.522)
I don't know. These are great fucking stories. I got some from outside of the industry as well that were still great stories like eight million dollars left in a Brinks truck. Yeah, you'll hear it. You'll hear it. It's good one. It's a good one.

OMH (03:17.292)
Get the fuck out. Yeah. my God. This is awesome. So, you know, once again, thank you as always to our beloved Pest Control Humor Depot, my favorite group for all of these wonderful comments and stories. You know, I think, I think everybody's got at least one in their lives, you know, especially when you get to the advanced ripe age as I am and almost Jack.

Choking Hazard (03:29.24)
Hell yeah.

Choking Hazard (03:41.73)
Mm-hmm.

OMH (03:44.494)
So you end up getting a good pile of good stories. So this is what we're here for, is to bring those out.

Choking Hazard (03:51.736)
I'm not just old and ripe, I'm just ripe, tasty and juicy.

OMH (03:54.926)
Just sometimes I just get right. Yeah, you know, sometimes especially in season during during corn swast season Yeah, we get we get damn right don't Yeah, I'm telling you what man that corn swast makes me moist, you know

Choking Hazard (04:03.298)
You know that corn slash, that's how only vegetable makes me moist.

That's the only vegetable that makes me moist. Well there was another woman in a wheelchair, it kind of hot but I forget her name. So that was another vegetable that makes me moist.

OMH (04:12.091)
Irreversible! Is it a vegetable or is it a grain? It doesn't matter.

yeah, Corn Swash and Mike Douglas. only things that make me moist. Janet. Damn it, Janet.

Choking Hazard (04:26.19)
PornSwas and Janet.

OMH (04:33.69)
crap. So yeah, we've got a lot to cover tonight. So let's just dig right into it. Yeah. So let's go with Nick Jodd. I transferred with a company to another city. I was promised no pay cut and a particular route. When I got there, surprise, surprise, I added that. They had given the route I was promised to the termite supervisor's nephew. Nepotism.

Choking Hazard (04:40.802)
Jump right in.

Choking Hazard (05:00.302)
nepotism.

OMH (05:03.234)
Yes, the route I was given gave me about a $20,000 pay cut. I tried to talk to them, but they wouldn't listen. The next day I drove to the office and turned in my uniforms. The manager told me, good luck getting home. I couldn't drive the truck. I told him that's why I drove my personal vehicle. He then asked me to take someone to get the work truck. I laughed and said, good luck with that.

Choking Hazard (05:08.408)
What the fuck?

Choking Hazard (05:28.14)
My answer would be eat a dick. That's what you could do. Just eat a dick. Grab yourself a whole big bag of paint and start at the bottom and work your way to the top.

OMH (05:30.658)
That's right. Eat every dick in the fucking company. Absolutely.

OMH (05:38.244)
that's right. Yeah, because the tender ones are on the bottom. Yes. Yes. Because some settling does occur during shipping and handling.

Choking Hazard (05:41.176)
tender when tender pine is.

Choking Hazard (05:46.318)
We got Alea Trefts, I hope I said that right, wrote an email that said, quit and my heart sings, then went off about just who exactly she was. Felt therapeutic. How bad it is just to unload on somebody. I can imagine how therapeutic that is. Even if you know you're never going to see him again, but you know they fucking read it to just light them up like a fucking Christmas tree.

OMH (06:04.535)
It-

It is such a fucking catharsis when that happened, when you're able to do that. yes, I think we all have had one of those moments in life. Great. You know, Brian Edwards, took off my uniform, walked out in my boxers and work boots.

Choking Hazard (06:12.406)
Yes, it is. It's beautiful. Beautiful.

Choking Hazard (06:26.424)
Hey, didn't Scotty Grill have a story about the guy undressing when Scotty fired him and the guy got undressed? this... Brian Edwards, do you know Scotty Grill? Are you the guy that Scotty fired and you walked out your drawers? Those stories are eerily similar.

OMH (06:32.962)
He did, yeah, yeah.

OMH (06:38.201)
Ha

OMH (06:42.486)
shit.

OMH (06:46.522)
We working at the Scarlet Letter. I was in the Indianapolis office. We had a Kokomo office up there. And I get a call from the, I think it was the sales director or the branch manager. can't fucking remember which, but they were doing this guy's uniform count and was missing like three pairs of pants. And they looked up on the roof and they were there. It's like, was like, and he said something.

Choking Hazard (06:53.998)
Mm-mm.

Choking Hazard (07:08.61)
Hahaha

OMH (07:14.092)
He said five words to the branch manager when he was let go, or when he quit. That was like a motto, company slogan afterwards, and it was, you know what, fuck you.

Choking Hazard (07:28.32)
I was thinking you can go fuck yourself, but hey, same sentiment.

OMH (07:31.226)
Oh no, no, no, no, it's better, it's even better because it makes absolutely no sense, know? You know what, fuck you. It's like he's imparting some sort of knowledge on somebody that they didn't already know. It's like they already knew, fuck you. I mean, that's a given when, you know, that kind of happens. But it's like, yeah, by asking, you know what, fuck you.

Choking Hazard (07:36.814)
You know what? Fuck you.

Choking Hazard (07:45.944)
Right. But let me make sure you know by asking. Do you know what? You know what? You know when you say Kokomo, you know where my brain goes. Automatically.

OMH (07:57.851)
That's a Beach Boys song. Oh, fuck. God. I have the same contempt of that song that you have on Red Hot Chili Peppers. Oh my God. I bet when I come out with my traumatic insemination song, you're gonna start liking the Chili Peppers. Oh yeah.

Choking Hazard (07:59.538)
Aruba, Jamaica, ooh, I wanna take you to Bermuda,

I cannot fucking stand red hot chili peppers and I'm not sorry to say it. Holy fucking shit.

no, that'll be worth it. I'll totally sing that one. I will not. Regular red hot chili peppers? No, sorry. The only thing good about them is Flea when he was on The Big Lebowski.

OMH (08:22.17)
traumatic insemination yeah yeah no I am NOT I'm not an Anthony Kiedis fan whatsoever but you know I'm cool with flea yeah fleas all right you know

Choking Hazard (08:35.618)
Yeah, yeah. Like I said, as an actor, especially when he was one of the nihilists in the Big Lebowski. So you got to give him some love for that.

OMH (08:42.212)
True enough, true enough. yeah, yeah. Anybody that crossed across the screen in the Big Lebowski, I'm good with.

Choking Hazard (08:50.85)
You know, of the alumni from my military school, isn't that?

OMH (08:54.222)
Get the fuck out. no shit. huh.

Choking Hazard (08:55.342)
Old Man Lebowski, David Hiddleston. He was also Santa Claus in a Christmas movie. I've met him a few times at alumni weekend.

OMH (09:04.858)
Uh-huh.

OMH (09:11.002)
Speaking of Christmas season, anybody that wants to go on to Pest Control Humor Depot, my favorite group, we do have a clip from the heartwarming movie, A Cheese Bag Carol.

Choking Hazard (09:18.199)
Mm-hmm.

Choking Hazard (09:23.212)
Yes we do. Yes we do.

OMH (09:24.226)
Yes, we do. It's beautiful. I'm not gonna spill any cookies on that, so just get on there and check it out.

Choking Hazard (09:29.92)
No, you'd actually made a post about Sora videos and I uploaded my pervy Santa Claus one and it said there's a problem. Are you not allowing direct video uploads or what?

OMH (09:34.478)
Brother. huh.

Choking Hazard (09:42.414)
I'll have to try it again later because it's a good one.

OMH (09:44.983)
Yeah, it is a good one. Yeah, I was I was so turgid after watching it. It wasn't even funny. I Was I was yes, I was homo erectus. I'm sorry hetero erectus Hey, we got we got we got a we got we got another injury is from somebody that's near and dear to my heart

Choking Hazard (09:50.274)
He was a wreck.

Choking Hazard (09:54.606)
No homo. No homo erectus.

Choking Hazard (10:08.578)
Mm-hmm.

OMH (10:09.24)
You know, some of the, some of the veteran cheese bags were remember this guy as the guy that developed the logo that said glove up cheese bags that has a fist wrapped around the throat of a rat. have that. Not only do I have that, I have that, I have that file somewhere in my computer. I also have the hoodie. and it's a beautiful thing. unfortunately they're, they're no longer available, but it's, it's, it's awesome. I'll try to get it. I try to get a picture out of it on the depot. you know, whenever I.

Choking Hazard (10:18.846)
I have that hoodie. Yep. And the shirt.

OMH (10:37.914)
I don't know fucking remember to whatever, but, uh, anyway, without further ado, Troy Addington is the guy's name. And, you know, I think if we, if we, think if we bring the guy up enough, maybe he'll, maybe he'll work something out. You know, we'll never, never know. But, um, you know, but you know, it's short and sweet. He just basically said he texted his boss one random morning that he could come pick up his truck out of my driveway. It's kind of says it all, Jack. I mean,

Choking Hazard (10:44.29)
Mm-hmm.

Choking Hazard (10:51.576)
Okay.

Choking Hazard (11:03.48)
You know, I've noticed through a lot of these stories and what a lot of people have done, I know I've done it. That's like the biggest dig you can do without getting yourself in trouble is you come get your fucking truck.

OMH (11:09.23)
Mm-hmm.

OMH (11:15.258)
Yeah, why convenience anybody when you're quitting? I mean, you've got a damn good reason you're quitting. And it's like, fuck man, you know, come and get your own goddamn equipment, whatever. Yeah. Back, I'll tell you why, you know, back when I was working at economics, Labrador Retriever, basically the person that we had to unemployed, that was the,

Choking Hazard (11:18.294)
Right, inconvenience and motherfuckers.

Choking Hazard (11:24.663)
Right.

Come get your shit asshole.

Choking Hazard (11:34.024)
huh.

OMH (11:44.795)
Let's just say that she was the one that started the whole fucking shit with, which led me to being here as I am today. But anyway, I mean, economic cyber door retriever was famous for not having branch offices. they would, we'd go to a storage unit, we'd pick up our supplies and shit like that. If we needed something, we would order it from.

Choking Hazard (12:07.694)
hate that shit.

OMH (12:11.98)
you know, from St. Paul and they would deliver it to our house. Well, okay, which I thought was bullshit, because they were just basically saving money and sucking up our storage space in our house. I know when I worked there, I was having some storage issues in my garage with rodent stations and blah, blah, yeah, yeah, the state, from time to time the state would come. know, economics laboratory or a treatment corporate didn't give two fucks, you know, as long as it was, you know, and...

Choking Hazard (12:19.275)
And it's bullshit.

Choking Hazard (12:27.054)
I was going say, did they have someone come and inspect your storage to make sure it was legal for pesticides?

Choking Hazard (12:40.525)
Wow.

OMH (12:40.782)
which is a whole other story which brings, anyway. So we unemployed this person, we went to this person's house and it was floor to ceiling and nothing but those, you know those cheap fucking ass checkpoint bait stations that economics laboratory retrievers are so famous for. Yeah, the ones that are like, it's like they make them out of graham crackers or something because they're just so fucking fragile. It's like, you know.

Choking Hazard (12:49.218)
Mm-hmm.

Choking Hazard (12:58.455)
I believe so.

Choking Hazard (13:04.558)
Yeah, yep. Uh huh.

OMH (13:07.962)
I thought a protect the sidekick was easy to get into. No, you just stare at one of these checkpoints and it opens up. okay, it was floor to ceiling of boxes of those. was like maybe about a dozen flylights. There was chemical out the wazoo. It was a mess. I was the assistant district manager at the time. The district manager was there. And then the region manager even came to help pick up some of this.

Choking Hazard (13:14.392)
Hahaha

Choking Hazard (13:24.322)
Wow.

OMH (13:37.819)
And he was just region managers looked at us and said holy fucking shit. I said nah, no kid He goes why wasn't this monitored? said because it goes directly from the employee to st Paul That's why that's like we have no bloody idea the only time we ever see anything is when we get our fucking &S report and and and you know to Find out what the hell's been going out of the warehouse in st Paul. It's like that's the only way we know I said and we get that twice a year, so whatever

Choking Hazard (13:38.712)
Right?

Choking Hazard (13:51.48)
Mm-hmm.

Choking Hazard (14:02.253)
Right.

OMH (14:07.566)
You know, so needless to say, was like three Colorado fools later, you know, we finally got this person's house or garage emptied out of all that stuff. it's like, needless to say, we didn't have to order anything from St. Paul for a while.

Choking Hazard (14:21.856)
Right, look, Pestrogen showed up to the chat. Hello, Pestrogen.

OMH (14:26.724)
Hello, Pestigen, Jenny and Candace, our beloveds. So anyway.

Choking Hazard (14:29.944)
That's right. Amanda Gould says, Company shorted me on pay. went to them. They didn't want to fix it. I parked the truck after everyone left with everything in it for them to find the next morning. No warning. Just the next morning and they got a route printed out for you and you're not fucking there, but your truck is and they can go eat a dick.

OMH (14:48.538)
That's right.

Choking Hazard (14:51.416)
And there goes Brad.

OMH (14:52.938)
Brad's back.

Choking Hazard (14:54.83)
All

OMH (14:55.768)
I've been having some camera issues, so I may go in and out every so often.

Choking Hazard (15:00.334)
In and out. Yeah baby. That's right, really quick, daddys nudge, know what I mean, know what I mean, say them all. Go to in and out.

OMH (15:02.442)
The old in out. me brothers. me brothers. Nothing like little bit of Milaco drencrom for the old in out, my brothers. God, he got the reference. God, I love you. Anyway.

Choking Hazard (15:13.644)
hahahahah

I did get the fuck here, I the reference. I can't hear you. You hit the mute button.

OMH (15:25.826)
I hit the fart button, sorry guys. And I'm just a total absolute trash fire tonight. Okay, so Laura Pratt tells us, got reprimanded for some shit that was the service manager's fault and not mine. Was told there was a branch meeting at 6.30 in the morning, sent a text to the service manager at 5 a.m. and told him to go ahead and have that 6.30 meeting, I wouldn't be there. Took the truck back at 10 a.m.

Choking Hazard (15:27.619)
Yes you did.

Choking Hazard (15:32.11)
Ha

Yes.

OMH (15:54.435)
and parked in the manager's spot, left the key in the cup holder, locked the doors, flipped off the security cameras, and got in the truck with my husband and left. yes. Yeah, so you got your ass chewed for missing a, for something that went on with the service manager. That was the service manager's fault. And we all know that everything is, when it boils down to it, everything is the service manager's fault.

Choking Hazard (15:57.25)
Ha

Choking Hazard (16:04.44)
Damn right. Fuck

OMH (16:24.662)
And the reason I know this is because I am a service manager. So believe me, everything fucking comes back to me. That's fine. I get that. But, you know, to, to, to, to, to throw one of your employees under the bus is definitely a take this job and shove it even deeper, a little offense.

Choking Hazard (16:44.686)
I was a big green tea service manager and believe me shit rolls downhill from the branch manager whose wife looked like Gollum with a wig. But yeah, that one.

OMH (16:54.746)
That's right. And then he referred to her as my precious.

Bye Brothers!

Choking Hazard (17:02.717)
Matthew Wallying said I had drew an 18th century depiction of a dinosaur that said I quit and cursive on a note, handed it to my manager and walked out.

OMH (17:14.778)
an 18th century description of the dinosaur. Am I missing something here, Jack? Is that code for, you like a turd or, you know, do you like take a shit on the desk?

Choking Hazard (17:17.752)
depiction. Well, maybe it's like the cave drawings, I don't know, but you know, he drew an ancient dinosaur and it says, quit.

OMH (17:27.192)
Okay.

OMH (17:31.348)
Okay, like he like he took a big mouthful of ashes and put his hand on the wall and went Okay, and then put little dots on the thumb to make it look like eyes. So yes stegosaurus

Choking Hazard (17:35.756)
Yes, exactly. Exactly. That's how you make the turkeys for Thanksgiving.

Choking Hazard (17:42.71)
I did that in elementary school, made a turkey with my hand and you see, that's what the face is.

OMH (17:45.371)
Oh, you did, oh yeah, I think we all did that. No, they would put our hand in that tempera paint and then right on the paper. Yeah, my beloved bride Ellen and I were talking about school a couple weeks ago and we were talking about the mimeographed sheets that we would get and how beautiful and how amazing they smelled when they were still wet. It's like just the essence of grape. It just permeated your nose. Oh well, hell yeah.

Choking Hazard (17:52.017)
huh.

Choking Hazard (18:01.659)
the smell of mimeograph.

Yeah

Choking Hazard (18:11.022)
catching a quick buzz off your math test.

OMH (18:14.722)
And it was actually more of a food book, because it smelled so fruity, was like, yeah, was like grape on steroids.

Choking Hazard (18:25.142)
Remember they did the dry erase markers that smelled like the corresponding color of the fruit on dry erase markers? They had kids walking around huffing markers.

OMH (18:30.914)
huh, I do remember that. Actually, actually, no, I actually remember the dry erase markers that smelled like the poppers that I'd find in my brother's drawer, but we won't get into that. Hey, just two hits and everything fits, man.

Choking Hazard (18:45.014)
boy.

Choking Hazard (18:49.691)
I guess so. mean, I feel sorry for someone's butthole.

OMH (18:53.518)
Alright, so air conditioning contributes. So air conditioning says when I quit the big green tea, I literally got so fed up one day I called my boss and said I'm bringing my stuff by. I can't do this anymore. He said, that's how it's going to be. Please. And that is exactly how it's going to be. And.

Choking Hazard (19:12.856)
That's correct. That's how it's going to be.

Choking Hazard (19:17.422)
huh.

OMH (19:18.668)
I was tired of being made to lie to customers and handle angry customers on calls that managers were supposed to be at. Amen.

Choking Hazard (19:22.702)
fuck aint it

Choking Hazard (19:26.702)
That sounds like Dunnie and Marine pest control all over. I've seen that shit.

OMH (19:29.048)
yeah. I really snapped one day and said, fuck this. When I got to the office with all my shit in my truck and drop off, my mom was already waiting there, parked out front, smoking a cigarette like a good mamaw. And I turned away and never looked back.

Choking Hazard (19:42.19)
It's beginning to look a lot like fuck this Everywhere I go

OMH (19:48.687)
Fuck this, yeah. Absolutely. Within the body of Air Conditioning's post, there was something I wanted to bring up. So it was, I mean, not just being made to lie to customers because that's, God, that's so fucking rampant. But handling angry customers on calls that managers were supposed to be at, I get off on that.

Choking Hazard (19:57.581)
Mm-hmm.

OMH (20:15.246)
You know, I'll piss and moan about it before I go out at the, know, but on an office level. But when I get out there, I can do one of two things with this. Okay. I can either cover the back of, you know, cover one of my rockstar's backs, you know, somebody, all right. Yeah. The customer's an asshole. I'm going to smooth this over. It's all good. Or expose the piece of shit technician for the piece of shit technician that they, or she is, you know, but,

Choking Hazard (20:28.877)
Mm-hmm.

OMH (20:42.746)
You know, it's like, you know what, ma'am? You're right. You know, I'm going to go, I'm going to go, you know, I'm going to have a meeting with him. And, I say that every time it's like, you know, ma'am, I'm going to go have a meeting with him. And then the rock star, I'll be like, fuck that bitch, man. God damn. You're like, yeah, let's go out and have a smoke and talk about this bitch. And then the other one was like, dude, you know, come on. You know, I mean, you got the, mean, let's face it. I mean, we're technicians, we're managers, everybody in the depot, my beloved group.

Choking Hazard (20:55.101)
huh. Your meeting is like, that woman's a bitch.

OMH (21:12.568)
We make up a wide swath of everybody and even you technicians know who the piece of shit technicians are. So you know I'm talking facts here.

Choking Hazard (21:19.362)
Yep. And if you don't know who it is, it's possibly you.

OMH (21:23.835)
No, I wasn't going to go there. I'll leave that to you.

Choking Hazard (21:29.038)
Who's a piece of shit technician? That's probably you.

OMH (21:32.25)
Mm-hmm.

That's right. That's like, which one, which one of y'all, which one of the old ones got the stanky ass, you know, there's three of you here. If it's not the guy on your left, the guy on your right. Yeah, you should have watched your ass before you came.

Choking Hazard (21:42.862)
Did you wash your ass today?

OMH (21:48.654)
Jack, you gots to wash your ass.

Choking Hazard (21:49.646)
Christopher Lee got to wash your ass. Let me see. think I got a voice for that. Let me see. Let's

OMH (21:54.233)
Yeah.

OMH (22:01.122)
Okay, that's Jabba the Hutt as Red Fox.

Choking Hazard (22:07.31)
Christopher Lee says, I went back to the parking lot of, not going to say the name, and parked the truck and went home. I placed my palm on the work truck and wished it the best and thanked it for the years of getting me through jobs and keeping me warm during the winter months. I then text my manager and said the truck's parked out front. That's the Irish goodbye. That's what that is.

OMH (22:07.492)
That's funny. Shit.

OMH (22:30.988)
Exactly, and I have a warm spot for this guy because he did give the truck the proper respect You know for keeping you warm during the winter months being there for the tough jobs and stuff like that I mean, it's a partner. It's just like it's just like being a cop You know, it's like, know, you're your partner to your partner your canine units your partner Damn and damn. I mean, where would we be without a good vehicle?

Choking Hazard (22:36.482)
Yep. Yep.

Choking Hazard (22:48.828)
Mm-hmm. Your truck is your partner.

Choking Hazard (22:56.322)
That's a good damn question. I've had some shit vehicles and I know I rode in one of them.

OMH (22:59.926)
I have. yeah. had.

You did it, didn't you? come on now. You know, it's my Chevy van and that's all right with me. My Chevy minivan, God damn, what a piece of shit that thing is. I did a, okay, Sora, the AI video thing. I've got a great vehicle now. mean, I'm a manager, I'm in sales. I really don't need a whole lot of, know, bells and whistles and space and stuff like that, because I basically go out and.

Choking Hazard (23:06.946)
That band was rough, man.

Choking Hazard (23:17.83)
my god.

Choking Hazard (23:32.11)
Mm-hmm.

OMH (23:35.511)
execute contracts and kiss asses and stuff but yeah but anyway so I'm right now I'm driving a 20 a 2018 2019 no actually it's older than that or younger than that but it's a Chevy Equinox okay yeah I know it's a crossover whatever but it's a damn good vehicle for what I need and Jack you would have been a hell of lot more comfortable in that fucker than you were in that damn that damn my what this was this was a fucking this is a fucking

Choking Hazard (23:52.206)
That's alright, but the hell?

Choking Hazard (23:58.007)
I'm sure because the truck,

OMH (24:03.258)
Handicap van that was you know that was modified for you know a handicapped person and oh god It was a nightmare to fucking drive, but anyway, I digress

Choking Hazard (24:12.622)
And the air condition was a suggestion of the possibility of air conditioning.

OMH (24:17.306)
It was it basically there was a like a whine in the motor that just said it's cool air. It's cool air It's cool, and that's all you got you didn't actually get cooler. You just got the the promise of cool air as Jack said

Choking Hazard (24:28.963)
It's like the hopes and dreams of a blowjob and someone just goes, and that's it.

OMH (24:35.188)
I wouldn't know anything about that. But anyway, so My paint right down the paint But no, no I did it I did a sore video of me jumping over the fountains at Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas and in the equinox and Bill was like Bill was talking to somebody else at the branches and you see that videos Brad put out about the van going over I said, it's not the van. It's equal. I was I think it's a Equinox. It's a fan. I said it's not a van. It's a crossover man

Choking Hazard (24:38.082)
You're paying this.

Choking Hazard (24:47.726)
Uh-huh.

OMH (25:04.826)
As it I said cuz cuz it was a van we drive you'd see it going in the parts would be falling off of it was flying through the air. What a piece of shit Dale, I'm sorry. You're driving it now, but I'm not so that's the important thing It's still in the fleet Jack

Choking Hazard (25:10.818)
Yeah, you'd leave a trail.

Choking Hazard (25:19.406)
Now you got to put a since Dale's driving you got to put a dead wasp on the top of it. Dale's dead bug. Are you a CIA agent?

OMH (25:27.723)
Dale's dead, bug. Are you attempting to know me?

Okay, let's see what we got here. Brett Loisel.

Choking Hazard (25:40.963)
was it.

OMH (25:42.735)
Brett wazoo I Happen to be wearing a blue-collared shirt in Kmart. this is a great when I remember reading this one. Yeah I'm gonna start over but okay I happen to be wearing a blue-collared shirt in Kmart and was bouncing a basketball which got the department managers attention when I thought it to be a friend who did not catch it and Knocked it on a display well said the managers

Choking Hazard (25:50.064)
This is a good one.

Okay.

OMH (26:12.134)
Well said manager stormed over and loudly explained that we do not do that here at Kmart you are fired Okay, let's pray you remember he doesn't fucking work there He goes, you know kind of like how mr. Spacely would fire George Jetson So I told him them I told him to bail my last check and walked out of the door laughing Thanks Brett that was an awesome one

Choking Hazard (26:22.422)
Uh-huh.

Choking Hazard (26:28.184)
JETS ON!

Choking Hazard (26:38.539)
It was.

OMH (26:40.218)
god, it makes me want to like that. I find a McDonald's cruise shirt or something like that and go in there and like, I'll be acting like I'm cleaning up the dining room and like spitting on customers and stuff.

Choking Hazard (26:45.618)
yeah.

Choking Hazard (26:51.31)
I've got a couple shirts that are from a couple past companies I used to work for. Maybe I ought to put a shirt on and see if I can just waltz in one morning when the techs are doing the shit and tell them I need like a 78 ounce jug of Termidor and see they'll give it to me for my termite job. I'll walk the fuck out with it.

OMH (26:59.93)
Dude, I have-

OMH (27:06.872)
Yeah, but I think what I need to do, Jack, is I need to like cruise around the city and look for the checkpoint bait stations in some of the accounts that I pretty much could assume are cash accounts and put on one of my old economics Labrador retriever shirts and go and do the service and collect. And I can make some Christmas money that way. Yeah, yeah. And I could buy cocaine and I could buy cocaine and hookers.

Choking Hazard (27:14.294)
Uh-huh.

Choking Hazard (27:18.915)
Right?

Choking Hazard (27:25.134)
yeah.

Choking Hazard (27:31.054)
and cryptist money.

Choking Hazard (27:35.47)
Hookers and blow, man, hookers and blow.

OMH (27:37.018)
I'm slobbering just thinking about that idea man. Look at my fucking arm man. God damn. dude! I don't know if I told you this... No, yeah right. All the way over there? Hell yeah.

Choking Hazard (27:41.848)
Fuck you do!

Vigorous masturbation.

Choking Hazard (27:49.07)
I mean, you get it all going and you slip off and catch it on a corner or something. It happens. mean, especially if you use too much lube and you lose your grip. OK. All right.

OMH (27:54.843)
Oh, it's a horrid story, Jack. And I'm about to tell it right now. No, I'm doing a pizza parlor, right? And I'm treating underneath the ovens. And there are those kind of ovens, know, that's got the little short ass door that's really long, you know, and it's got that handle that comes down. You put the pie in, you slip it out, you close it back up, right? Okay, the bottom level, it's like a three level oven, right? The bottom level has this handle, right? And I'm going down.

Choking Hazard (28:11.148)
Mm-hmm.

Choking Hazard (28:15.138)
Right.

OMH (28:23.77)
I'm down on my knees, I'm working underneath the oven. go up and I try to raise up by grabbing this handle, right? And that fucking door comes right down and that corner of it goes right across my arm. Burns the living holy fuck out of it, It did sizzle. And you know what else? When I pulled it off, it was like dented in. you know, cause that burn went straight to the fucking bone, Jack. And this was like a month or so ago, right? And.

Choking Hazard (28:31.175)
Uh-huh. OHHHH!

Did you hear it? Did it sizzle?

Choking Hazard (28:46.146)
Yep. God damn.

OMH (28:50.106)
No, no way, wait, wait, that little red, that's not infection. That's me picking at it and bleeding, right? So, cause it's just like a motherfucker, man. And, but yeah, it had a really big ass fucking scab going over it around Thanksgiving and stuff. was worried about pieces of it falling in the gravy, but it didn't. Well, you know, it's a chiblet gravy, so no one would know. It's like, they think it was a piece of gizzard or something, you know? Oh shit.

Choking Hazard (29:07.856)
yummy.

Choking Hazard (29:11.874)
You know they make bandages for that,

Mmm, the texture's lovely. The texture's lovely.

OMH (29:21.722)
It's a bit crunchy and a tad. It's livery. It's livery. Edwin lying to customers. yeah. Anything to make the office folks look like they are never wrong. fuck's sake. Here we go. Yeah. God love you. I said, God love you, Eddie.

Choking Hazard (29:24.982)
It's a bit nutty.

Choking Hazard (29:35.914)
Of course. Blamed the little guy. Suann Lehman said, what's that?

So Anne Lamon said I did something crazy. I went from a steady paycheck and decided to buy it. So now I stress about paying my staff instead. Not really a take this job and shove it moment, but I did quit by choice. Damn right, onwards and upwards. I know it's stressful, you know, worrying about the P &L and making everything, but God damn it, that's your shit now. You are the king of queen of your castle, should I say.

OMH (30:04.618)
Absolutely. yeah. yeah.

You're damn straight. remember listening to Sue Ann on our sister podcast, Pestrogen. She's awesome. She's fucking awesome. Yep. Brian Bolden in parentheses and verify this please. This is Jack's long time friend.

Choking Hazard (30:17.004)
Yes, she is.

Choking Hazard (30:25.57)
That's correct, Mr. Attitude from Channel 16 on the CB.

OMH (30:29.53)
Okay, I went to lunch on my first day and said F this place they blew my phone up for three days But I have done better on other jobs Who hasn't? Who hasn't? Hell yeah Yep, absolutely. speaking of Edwin Valerio. I did a shorty. You want me to do this next one? Or do you want to do it? Okay, okay

Choking Hazard (30:40.578)
Just let that motherfucker ring. Kick him to voicemail.

Ha ha ha.

Choking Hazard (30:52.13)
Yes. No, go ahead. Fun show.

Sun show.

OMH (31:00.1)
Yeah, Sancho.

Choking Hazard (31:01.452)
Hola Sancho, como estas?

OMH (31:02.99)
You what you tell Sancho if he knows what's good for him he best go run and hide because Daddy's daddy's got a new 45 And I will think that to take that first rate that such a flood He is I know I love me some sancho too, I love me some nachos too All right, I don't know about most creative I don't know about most creative but back in 2013 I was a driver for a farmers market

Choking Hazard (31:07.596)
Hey Sancho, you know he's good for you, you best go run and hide. boy. Now we do love us some Sancho. Sancho's a quality fucking person. I do love me some Sancho.

Choking Hazard (31:24.482)
Well, yeah, but Sancho's tastier.

OMH (31:32.505)
I was being harassed by the office personnel to hurry up. I'm behind schedule as I was pulling my own orders and loaded my truck. I got so fed up. I drove to my first stop about two hours away from the office. I put that bad boy in park, vehicle on lock, keys in vehicle and called the office to inform them. I quit. Come get your vehicle. yeah, man. Let's go to the farthest point of my freaking day.

Choking Hazard (31:51.116)
He intentionally took it way out the fucking way. Drive all the way fucking out here and get it, asshole.

OMH (31:58.939)
and leave it there. That's brilliant. That's brilliant. Sancho.

Choking Hazard (31:58.968)
That's right.

You can eat a dick, but you're gonna have to drive two hours to get to it.

OMH (32:05.912)
That's right, you you're the Edith Dick, but you're gonna have to start it up at the nipples first and work your way down to that day. yeah.

Choking Hazard (32:10.242)
That's right, work your way down, baby.

Choking Hazard (32:15.726)
There's a little something extra there.

OMH (32:17.602)
I also have, I was getting to it. I also have one where I smacked my supervisor with a 25 pound sack of rotten onions because he shoved me back. By the way, to this day in 2025, they still want me back to come work.

Choking Hazard (32:35.372)
Now if I had a manager that shoved me, I'd have a police record. I would, because I'm throwing hands. I'm throwing hands.

OMH (32:39.45)
Yeah, exactly Yeah, yeah, but he threw onions. So maybe there's a difference. I don't know you know yeah And that's where that's that's where you got the idea for throwing there for somebody getting hit with a bag of onions on their chest on the on the Sora video yeah, so So I know what you're thinking I know I know what you're thinking Jack

Choking Hazard (32:45.188)
And that's fair. see, onions don't leave fingerprints. We have plausible deniability.

Choking Hazard (32:55.214)
huh. Yep. See? I'm paying attention there. we got Katie Prame. Huh? What's that?

What am I thinking?

OMH (33:07.866)
You're thinking, Brad, what the hell are you drinking tonight? Yeah, I'm about to tell you, my friend. I'm drinking, I am drinking a product called Old Elk, or if you're looking at it the same way I am, it's called Dilo Kle.

Choking Hazard (33:09.806)
Of course, what are you drinking my friend?

Alrighty then.

OMH (33:25.65)
Old Elk. D-Dilo Clé. Clé. Yes, it's like, yes. Please touch me on my clé. My clé is so swollen. That's right. I love the way your clé twitches. As I open you and caress your neck. But anyway, anyway, so anyway, Old Elk. It's great stuff. My esteemed daughter Moe.

Choking Hazard (33:25.688)
Say that last part again, because it was so inf-

That's fucking weird.

Choking Hazard (33:37.518)
You wanna lick my clay?

Choking Hazard (33:47.662)
I shall touch it.

OMH (33:55.023)
got this for me for my birthday. And I am just now starting to drink it. But anyway, it is a port cask finished bourbon, which gives it a little bit of a fruity, maybe a little tad sweeter note. Something I'm not normally accustomed to with my retirement bourbon, but it's fucking free. So yeah, I'm drinking it, right? And the one thing I really enjoy about this is just the novelty of it because the cork itself is made from actual antler elk.

Choking Hazard (33:57.358)
Nice.

Choking Hazard (34:04.664)
Ooh, fancy.

Choking Hazard (34:09.71)
Mm-hmm.

OMH (34:24.548)
Look at that. I'm sorry, did I say antler elk? meant elk antler. So, can gnaw on that when it's done, just like my dog.

Choking Hazard (34:25.486)
I wonder how many Elks had to die to bottle that bourbon.

Choking Hazard (34:34.446)
Get a little bit of Mara.

OMH (34:36.09)
I would get you some mare. That mare is pretty hard. Ain't no mare in that, but there's a lot of protein.

Choking Hazard (34:41.048)
That's what she said.

That's what she said.

OMH (34:45.786)
She's all talk anyway Jack what the fuck so

Choking Hazard (34:50.946)
Now, but once you have that bourbon, what are you going to chase it with? What do have to wash it down with?

OMH (34:54.426)
I'm gonna chase it down with a little bit of sweet tea out of my Tony Spangler tumbler from spanglerart.com. Oh my God, look at that. Yes, there's our beloved, the beloved first lady. Our lady.

Choking Hazard (34:58.772)
yeah. Gotta talk about the totally spangler tumblers here.

I got me some polo baby.

Yes. Hey, I got Paula tonight. Keep your hands to yourself, motherfucker.

OMH (35:13.306)
Okay, fine. Yeah, that's okay cuz I got I got this guy right here

This guy here, my man. That is a sexy mother. You take Tony Spangler, you look at these things, these two bearded studs right here, you take Tony Spangler, fill this full of cough drops. It's so beautiful. that's right. So there's one thing, other than being some good looking motherfuckers that we both have on our tumblers, what else comes, what's in common with this, Jack? That's right. They both have the rubber bottom. Yeah, that's right.

Choking Hazard (35:23.544)
That's a sexy motherfucker right there. That is right. Look at that.

Choking Hazard (35:31.338)
Mm-hmm.

That's right. She's bagmatian.

Choking Hazard (35:46.321)
the rubber bottom. That's right, the rubber bottom. Feels so good, baby. just...

OMH (35:50.395)
you get, I mean, I mean, just feel that it's, it's soft. It's supple. It is, but, yet, and yet sturdy and strong. So, you know, if you are getting drunk and you're like scooting shit around, you maybe miss or something like that. The chances of it tumbling over and getting you in trouble, getting wet shit all over your computer or whatnot is slim to none because of that fucking rubber bottom. But goddamn dude, look at the graphics on that. That is man. Yep. They pop. Yeah.

Choking Hazard (36:00.876)
That sounds like my penis.

Choking Hazard (36:13.314)
That's right.

they pop. They pop-pop-pop-pop!

OMH (36:19.768)
Yeah, every character in this is sharper than a Skeeter's Peter, And you got that PCHD, glow the cheese bags or backwards. And yes, that's right. Yeah. So when you're chasing it down with a bit of your glow clip, you can use this from the com tumbler spangler at art spangler.

Choking Hazard (36:24.792)
Damn skippy. Look at that, PSHD.

Choking Hazard (36:33.186)
Yes, what he said.

Choking Hazard (36:42.574)
Fucking weird shit.

OMH (36:49.442)
calm down but anyway Jack what I mean hey we talked about all this wonderful stuff we talked about the rubber bottom the stunning graphics we talked about the the double you know the steel stainless steel double wall insulation that keeps your hot shit hot your coop it is the McDLT but there's one thing there's one thing that sets it

Choking Hazard (36:50.52)
That... Have another drink!

Choking Hazard (37:03.416)
We do.

Choking Hazard (37:08.075)
Mm-hmm. That's right. Seamless double-walled stainless steel.

Choking Hazard (37:14.702)
it is.

OMH (37:17.346)
sets a Tony Spangler tumbler apart. And that is of course.

Choking Hazard (37:22.766)
the stainless steel medical grade urethral sounding rod. And that one you have is for not priapism, perone's disease, because it has the bend in it.

OMH (37:24.602)
Mmm, yeah.

OMH (37:30.81)
Ironies disease. Yes, because you know, you the scar tissue will build up and sometimes cause a curvature You know depending on the angle of the curvature it could be a plus it could be a minus if it's a little more but damn it, know, You're gonna get you're gonna get it taken care of Scar tissue debris detritus is no match for the surgical stainless steel urethral sounding rod that comes with every tumbler from spangler art.com Tony Spangler tumblers

Choking Hazard (37:40.962)
the angle of the dangle.

Choking Hazard (37:45.698)
Mm-hmm.

OMH (38:01.253)
We have the straight version also for all you normies out there. And that looks kind of weird in my camera. Can't see my eyes. Hey, where'd everybody go? But anyway, so you've got a beautifully machined cutting edge. And if there's one thing we like is living on the cutting edge, right Jack? Both sides too. I mean, you could do this in the dark because either side is gonna get the job done for you.

Choking Hazard (38:01.326)
That's correct.

Choking Hazard (38:09.038)
You can turn your paint us into a t-shirt launcher.

Choking Hazard (38:17.934)
Mm-hmm.

Choking Hazard (38:22.284)
leading edge.

OMH (38:28.634)
But damn it, Jack, mean, we've got it all here. We've got insulating qualities. We have stunning, know, eye popping graphics. We have the rubber bottom. We have the stainless steel sounding rod. I mean, and the beautiful part about this whole thing is there's only one place you need to go,

Choking Hazard (38:42.274)
Yes we do.

OMH (39:00.426)
I feel like I feel like I feel like you know the the podcast itself is basically just fluff and To get to that point where we get to talk about Tony Spangler cover and play the jingle

Choking Hazard (39:00.834)
lovely.

Choking Hazard (39:14.018)
Yeah, I can see what you're saying there. mean, as you know, we do live for the Tony's banquet time.

OMH (39:20.615)
I mean it's an excellent it's an excellent jingle jack where can they get one?

Choking Hazard (39:24.312)
They can get that jingle at JTStoryVO on Facebook, which stands for voiceover. Get a hold of him there, send him a message. He'll do jingles, podcast intros like he does for all of ours. He's also done it for the Pestrogen podcast as well. You'll hear his dulcet tones there. So JTStoryVO on Facebook.

OMH (39:43.14)
Beautiful beautiful love the guy love the guy to death and I'm not just saying that because he sprung from your loins either From your lawns, that's right anyway

Choking Hazard (39:50.318)
My loins. Now, I got Katie Premick, who was my not even really adopted sister, but she's like she's been like family ever since I was running around in diapers. And I was convinced when I was little that she was Wonder Woman. So I still call her Wonder Woman because that she just looked like Wonder Woman. So that's who I thought she was. And she said, I had two children within a year and

four days with an older child already here so she quit because she had kids so fuck up.

OMH (40:20.762)
But yeah, it's like, yeah, it seems like take this job and give birth to it because she took on the hardest job of all.

Choking Hazard (40:28.814)
Take this job and squash it. Oh, Sancho said, you're like Sancho. about Dirty Sanchez? Dirty Sanchez is okay, but a Cleveland steamer is a little bit better. And I'm more a fan of the Shittler myself, where you get behind her and you stick your finger in her butt, then you wipe it right down under her nose. That's the Shittler. I'm more of a fan of the Shittler than I am the Dirty Sanchez. Yeah.

OMH (40:31.298)
Squash it.

OMH (40:45.85)
The Shittler.

OMH (40:54.552)
I can see that. Less material is used for one thing because a dirty Sanchez goes all the

Choking Hazard (41:00.994)
That and it goes right from my ass fetish so I could just right the dirty brown eye get a little stick it or stinker station slappin the crapper

OMH (41:04.772)
There you go.

Yeah, I would be remiss. Yeah, Jack, I would be remiss if I didn't mention a it's not on our list, but yeah, we, you know, I told this guy, I said, look, one of us is going to tell the story. I'd rather it be you, but yeah, he, he, didn't do it. So I'm going to tell it and I'm not going to say who it was, but you know, this person worked for a major grocery store chain. And when he left, he told him to take this job and shove it by giving them an upper decker in the, in the

Choking Hazard (41:16.152)
Ha ha ha!

Choking Hazard (41:23.86)
huh. You didn't want to it.

OMH (41:37.946)
in the break room toilet and so I was was I was talking before the show with my my bride and she was she was like oh I said you know what you know what an upper decker is she's like no as I told her she's like oh god

Choking Hazard (41:54.19)
Don't you do not sully the ears of that wonderful woman by explaining what are you doing? What's wrong with you telling her what an upper decker is? That's Ellen, man. Come on. Okay.

OMH (42:02.362)
She was curious. Hey, she was curious. So, you know, I, as her husband, feel an obligation to educate her on certain things, you know? you've been married before, you know how it is, because it's like, yeah, it's like, I want to be part of your world. No, you don't. It's like, no, you don't, because my world involves, exactly, my world involves bad odors and fecal material. So, yeah, know what I mean?

Choking Hazard (42:11.95)
Well, I guess if you need to know, you need to know.

Yes, I have.

Choking Hazard (42:22.094)
Now, famous last words.

Choking Hazard (42:30.144)
It does. Then all I get is, what the fuck is wrong with you?

OMH (42:33.486)
Yeah, it's like a man's world is nothing but one big dick joke, know, with turds splattered in it every so often.

Choking Hazard (42:39.042)
Well, I'll tell people, I've got a son, so I'm full of fart jokes. All kinds of fart jokes. So if it's just poopy fart jokes, I've got them.

OMH (42:44.494)
Mm-hmm. Oh Shit I oh God I have a daughter that's fucked that man. She's you know she has to serve double duty because she has to be a son because I have But you know what she's she's a good sport Mo's a good sport. I love her to death anyway

Choking Hazard (43:00.748)
Yeah, yeah. Well, since you got the upper Decker story, I'll get this next one. Nick Warner says I work for Crystals, the south version of White Castle. I don't like crystals. I've had them. I was a general. I was assistant general manager. My general manager sat in the office all day vaping. Our $50,000 lunch rush was being handled by me.

OMH (43:07.299)
Okay.

OMH (43:12.698)
Mm-hmm.

They're disgusting.

Choking Hazard (43:27.554)
running the whole kitchen and an 85 year old lady on drive through because everyone else called him and Brad has disappeared.

OMH (43:36.067)
I'm here.

Choking Hazard (43:37.644)
The GM chewed me out because I couldn't handle all the rush and I had to keep asking for his help. Next day was Saturday. We did an average $100,000 in breakfast rush. Him and I were scheduled for it and he two hours before me. I called everyone, if the employee is on the schedule and told them if they called in and then met me at Walmart two hours later, I'd give them their day's pay. So I went to work. He was frantically running around because everyone called in. I told him I quit.

and said he should be nicer next time. His face was priceless. Best part was no one showed up at Walmart, so I got to keep the money as well. Now, you know, I think we read that one on the I think we read that on the very first take this job and shove it, but it definitely bears repeating.

OMH (44:16.342)
Nice! That's beautiful!

OMH (44:25.472)
It definitely does. And especially for a guy like Nick. mean, you know, Nick is, Nick is one of those cheese bags that I think I just have such a, I respect every cheese bag. Don't get me wrong, but this guy is just, just the guy's singing. Nick Warner actually holds the record for having the, the highest reacted to post ever. and, yeah, he had a good solid 300 or some, you know, reactions, likes, loves, et cetera.

Choking Hazard (44:53.566)
Mm. Right?

OMH (44:55.194)
to post he put on, want to say it was earlier this year or late last year when he announced the adoption of a child. And I thought that was just fucking amazing. so, yeah. Yeah. And Nick is one of those guys that, you when I go on vacation, he lives around the area that I frequently, but we just keep, we keep missing each other. So, you know, definitely one of my, one of the things on my bucket list is to finally meet Nick Warner. So Nick.

Choking Hazard (45:04.513)
That's awesome. Hell yeah, that deserves accolades. Shit yeah.

Choking Hazard (45:15.928)
Mm-hmm.

Choking Hazard (45:24.034)
Hell yeah!

OMH (45:25.088)
Nick, thank you very much for your story. And like I said, if we regret it once, it definitely bears repeating. And stay blessed.

Choking Hazard (45:35.278)
Stay blessed. Have a blessed day, baby. Let me give you a of nickels,

OMH (45:36.57)
Have a blessed day. You you gave eight man you gave me you left me the good one. So G rex from shit that goes on in our in your head podcast. Okay Jack tell me one one. I'm trying to rub my neck. I'm gonna catch it and tell everybody about this podcast these ladies are

Choking Hazard (45:46.381)
Yeah!

Choking Hazard (45:59.896)
The shit that goes on in our heads podcast is a G rex and dirty skittles. is therapy amongst friends. Actually, they had my Bialik from what the where'd you go again? You got like a power outage. What the fuck? He's he's he's masturbating in the dark. What he's doing. But we actually had my Bialik from Big Bang Theory and Blossom on their show at one time, but it's therapy amongst friends. It's a great show.

OMH (46:11.396)
They did, Jeopardy. Relax, I'm here. I told you I was having camera problems.

Choking Hazard (46:28.864)
It really is. They've been friends of ours since the very beginning. It's called The Shit That Goes On In Our Heads, and G-Rex is the one that submitted a story.

OMH (46:37.626)
G-Rex is, they're both very awesome. You know, when we were on their show, I got to talk about tomatoes, which, you know, always makes me happy. But anyway, G-Rex says, can tell you the most satisfying way in a resignation letter, the first letter of each paragraph spells a word. Basically, it was a seven short paragraph. And if you put the letters together, it spelled the fuck off. It was very satisfying. Oh, yeah. I have seen similar letters and those are gold. Absolutely.

Choking Hazard (46:40.131)
They are.

Choking Hazard (46:44.28)
Yeah.

Choking Hazard (46:59.724)
I read the letter and that's exactly what it does. It's great.

Choking Hazard (47:06.67)
Was yeah, it was fantastic Good on you. Well, I tell you they've they've really there they are Massive their show. I mean the amount of downloads and stuff because it is such a It's a needed topic for a lot of people. I mean, we're a very niche topic so and I I Wish them all the success in the world. I really do They do they certainly do

OMH (47:09.045)
yeah. Good.

OMH (47:16.09)
they are.

OMH (47:21.794)
It is, mental health, mean, definitely. mean, I could definitely use some mental health, but you

because they deserve every crime of.

You're next.

Choking Hazard (47:35.246)
All right, Chris Wright, a buddy of mine from military school, a very close friend of mine. I've known him for damn near 40 years now. We went to military school together. He said, part the truck at Greensboro in Mashley Airport, long term parking and rented a car, cleaned all of my stuff out of the bunk and the tractor and put it in the rental car and drove home. I had previously asked for the day off because it was Alice and his daughter's first birthday. And they said I had to wait for backhaul. And I said I was going home.

The dispatcher didn't leave me until they called the next morning and asked where I was. They were quite surprised when I told them I was laying in my bed back in Churchville, Virginia. I told them the truck was full of fuel and the security guard had the key. They fired that dispatcher and asked if I'd be willing to come back on a dedicated run. I told them no because of the way they treated their drivers. Family first. You're fucking right. Family first.

OMH (48:11.647)
Hahahaha!

OMH (48:16.782)
Damn.

OMH (48:25.69)
Fucking a damn straight good God and everybody

Choking Hazard (48:30.988)
I'm sorry, to me that includes family on the depot and everything. Family first means fucking family first. You ain't gotta be related like Katie Pramek. She's my family. Family first.

OMH (48:34.49)
Mm-hmm.

OMH (48:40.378)
Oh yeah, well Jack you're talking about my camera problems. You look like Max Headroom right now. You're getting, you're getting all, you're getting all pixely and shit. Yeah, you look like you're on a Dire Straits video. Oh, I've got lyrics to that. But anyway, I digress.

Choking Hazard (48:45.56)
I don't know why that is, because I look...

Choking Hazard (48:51.692)
I'll pick the lady, baby.

Choking Hazard (48:57.218)
That ain't working. That's the way you do it. You play the guitar on the MTV.

Choking Hazard (49:07.202)
Yes you do.

OMH (49:09.242)
Holy shit, I should have gave you this one because yeah John Childers Fuck and pack a lunch folks. We here we go. All right, you might see my phone because of my next hurt and so I'm gonna do it. All right Okay Here you go. I Once worked with my dad at a company we will call Eco turd

Choking Hazard (49:10.819)
Uh-huh. Ha! Uh-huh.

Yes, sir. Strap up, honey.

OMH (49:33.307)
It's already good. I was hired to rent I was hired on to run a San Diego, San Diego, which is Spanish for a whale's vagina And It was promised a branch manager position once I grew the area out I worked there for two years and took it from my be route to six cons Constantly used my house. Okay. I'm reading this for bait folks

Choking Hazard (49:34.402)
Huh?

Choking Hazard (49:40.333)
DIGO!

Choking Hazard (49:44.152)
Well's vagina. Fuckin' Anchorman.

OMH (50:02.35)
To store products for the guys and vehicle storage, the main office with supervisors was in Sacramento. There was a supervisor I called under the desk, Dirk.

Choking Hazard (50:12.29)
I'm to the desk, Dirk.

OMH (50:13.818)
I didn't and that I didn't answer to that started in on me and nitpicking any little thing He could ie clocking in when I was two minutes from a job Staying clocked in while getting the trunk washed or cleaning it out to pick up Kim from Univar now known as the Saris Formerly known as Van waters and rochers and before that it was something else Who knows what they're calling themselves this week? Yeah

Choking Hazard (50:35.672)
was there.

Choking Hazard (50:40.406)
Was Vagina.

OMH (50:43.118)
Wails vagina. So now to the good part. This menstruating moose fucker wrote me up three times in three days because they wanted to get me out so they could put their own guy in as the branch manager. After I bought my own guys in and sold the hell out of San Diego, which to grow the branch and get my promotion and title. Keep in mind, I had two other work trucks stored at my house on top of all the chem.

Choking Hazard (50:58.894)
you

OMH (51:12.396)
and equipment that took over my garage. So after the third write up, I refused to sign or acknowledge any of them. I is right. Amen. I called up my former company that I left on good terms with and signed back up to start the following day with a raise. Hell yeah, man. I then initiated pulling every last piece of equipment and Kim and stuffed every truck to the brim.

Choking Hazard (51:20.45)
I was gonna say something good on you.

Choking Hazard (51:32.494)
Fuck yeah.

OMH (51:40.441)
I called my supervisor and told him what a spineless piece of shit he was for not having my back and not telling under the desk derk to stay in his lane and let him handle his region. Keep in mind this was around noon and I informed them that they had until the end of business to pick up their vehicles or I would park them at the Taco Bell parking lot across the street with the keys on the seat of each truck with a giant fuck you I quote. Or fuck you I quit.

Choking Hazard (52:06.21)
Ha

OMH (52:08.492)
I also had my dad on a three-way call on mute while I was doing this. Then they proceeded to shut down San Diego routes and have everyone come out to pick up the trucks ASAP where they were taken to the one-text house that I didn't bring on and the rest of the crew, my dad included, and proceeded to quit in two-day intervals, crippling their hold on Santiago that they never, whale's vagina.

Choking Hazard (52:33.75)
Well, vagina.

OMH (52:36.494)
that they never recovered from this was almost three years ago now and now they only have three routes here. And feel free to name drop and I forgot to mention I always call them under the desk Dirk because Dirk was always up the owner's ass. So I figured his desk must have been under the owner's desk so he could always have a mouth full.

Choking Hazard (52:59.106)
He'd like to have a mouthful of painis.

Yes, well actually I have, I do actually happen to have some clapping. Ready?

OMH (53:09.365)
okay. He's got a soundboard now.

Choking Hazard (53:18.963)
Hahaha!

OMH (53:21.624)
I was just gonna throw like a handful of french fries into some hot oil. Cause that always sounds like a plus to me. yeah, whenever I do that, cause I'll have this handful of fries. I'll have this boiling hot oil there and in front of my bride and I'll be like, are you ready to rock Indianapolis? Okay, Jack, need a rest after that one. It's your turn.

Choking Hazard (53:26.169)
hell yeah. And you get a nice snack afterwards.

Choking Hazard (53:45.932)
All right, Cindy Lee, awesome lady, my real estate agent. She's cool as hell. She goes, I had a friend who had an awful boss. She got all dressed up, gorgeous with makeup. And when she went to work, he complimented her and her answer was, well, thank you. These are my quitting clothes. It took him a minute to digest what she said. And then she smiled and walked the fuck out. Now, I added the fuck out because Cindy's got a lot more. She's she's a lady. She wouldn't say the fuck out, but I had to walk the fuck out.

OMH (53:52.175)
Mm-hmm.

OMH (54:03.866)
Make a date.

OMH (54:14.254)
Yeah. man.

Choking Hazard (54:15.566)
because it's like on Friday, you got knocked the fuck out.

OMH (54:19.13)
You got knocked the fuck out. I love quitting clothes. That's great. Oh dude, the lead singer for Judas Priest has contributed. Oh wait, no, I misread that. Robert Hatfield. Thought it was Rob Halford. He's like, if you think I'm gonna stay here working, you got another thing coming. Okay, anyway, Robert Hatfield.

Choking Hazard (54:26.262)
I wore my acquittin' underwear.

Choking Hazard (54:37.902)
Close.

Choking Hazard (54:43.406)
You go fuck yourself too.

OMH (54:48.538)
Another military school friend, O'Jaxx, I had a boss fire me and rumors spread for years trying to figure out how I would retaliate. I moved on to the next job and didn't think anything of it. They found out later, somehow, I'd make way more money and have way more freedom. Then, apparently, they fired me based on a rumor that someone spread. All the drama stopped when this person spreading rumors quit years later.

Choking Hazard (54:48.59)
Mm-hmm.

That's right.

OMH (55:17.85)
HR needs to be able to identify narcissists quickly. They're extremely toxic to a workplace. Was with that company for nearly 25 years? Never a problem. Fuck them. I love it when somebody ends a post with, fuck them, or fuck that, or fuck this, or fuck you, or just, you know, wanna fuck? Yeah, either way.

Choking Hazard (55:26.306)
Yes they are.

Choking Hazard (55:33.048)
Fuck

Choking Hazard (55:37.23)
Welcome.

Choking Hazard (55:43.054)
Fuck. That's, I don't hear that question enough in my life.

OMH (55:49.658)
I don't think any of us

Choking Hazard (55:52.654)
Sometimes you just want fuck.

OMH (55:54.5)
We're always the ones asking.

Choking Hazard (55:57.678)
And I'll keep asking because, you know, if you throw enough shit against the wall, something's bound to stick. Stuart Manor said I was fired from a job for being a shitty employee. I was at that time in my life. I drove the truck to the owner's house and handed it over with the keys. Yeah, well, yeah. Hey, couldn't. You admit that shit? Great. After I hear a rumor that I shit in the bed of the truck. Super, super nasty.

OMH (56:01.637)
Something's bound to stick, that's right.

OMH (56:13.653)
It's being honest.

OMH (56:19.598)
Hell yeah.

Choking Hazard (56:25.708)
I'd never do such a thing considering I would have fired me too, but shitting in the work truck before dropping it off would be a super creative way to quit if anyone's looking for ideas. I beat you to it. I beat you to it.

OMH (56:36.794)
Stuart, hey, Stuart, and besides Stuart, you're lying to us. We know you did that.

Choking Hazard (56:44.364)
It's okay, you can admit it, because I shit on a windshield. So you can totally admit it.

OMH (56:46.522)
That's right, yes, yes. Never turn this show into a den of lies.

Choking Hazard (56:52.622)
That's right. If you shit, you shit. It happens. I had an ass blaster all over that windshield. What's wrong with shitting in the bed of a truck?

OMH (56:55.118)
That's right. Own it! Own it!

OMH (57:00.814)
Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I mean, it's just natural. I know the wrong with shit, and shit is beautiful. It's like relations. It's like relations. Relations is beautiful. So shit.

Choking Hazard (57:04.984)
That's natural. Sometimes you gotta make yourself a doo-doo.

Choking Hazard (57:13.592)
Taking a dookie is beautiful. I'd take a dookie.

OMH (57:15.82)
It's beautiful. I'm taking dookie. Yeah. Mike Douglas only white man ever made my dookie moist.

Choking Hazard (57:22.734)
let's see you get to read the one we were. Yep.

OMH (57:25.826)
Laurie Dewey Jacques longtime friend. I mean, as they say in France, I left my Wells Fargo armored car in the Sally port of the Federal Reserve in Richmond with $8 million in it and took a Greyhound bus back to Northern Virginia. The AC gave out. It was the middle of summer and they refused to transfer the funds to another armored car we had there. Fuck yeah. So, yeah.

Choking Hazard (57:53.518)
$8 million in that truck.

OMH (57:55.737)
That's right. So she grabbed a Greyhound bus and headed on out.

Choking Hazard (58:00.524)
And she was in Richmond, so I know exactly what Greyhound bus station she went to. That was the one that had this person called Dirt Woman. Dirt Woman was a really old dude that wore a wedding dress and used to go run around and propose to people. And he frequented the Greyhound bus station. So I've had many run in for Dirt Woman because when I went to military school and they'd send us home on leave, like Thanksgiving or Christmas, they'd take us to the Greyhound station and we'd catch a Greyhound going where we had to go.

So I'd run into Dirt Woman quite a bit. So I'm familiar with that frustration.

OMH (58:29.626)
Dirt woman. Yeah. yeah. How many time a proposal did you get from dirt?

Choking Hazard (58:34.99)
I think Dirt Woman had proposed to me at least three times and then I started telling Dirt Woman that other people that I went to school with, that they were the ones interested in Dirt Woman, so I'd redirect him. I would redirect Dirt Woman.

OMH (58:48.154)
huh.

I used to carry a bubble gum machine ring in my pocket. So whenever I'd go to like a Taco Bell or a KFC or something like that, and I'd go up to the drive up and there'd be a lady standing there working the drive up and I had to get her to check there are 10 cats. I'd drop to my knee to check and I'd look up and I'd pull that ring out of my pocket and go up like this and they're like, I was like, I'm fucking with you. Get out of my way. Shit.

Choking Hazard (58:59.448)
Mm-hmm.

Choking Hazard (59:13.774)
The last story we have for the evening is Patrick Percy. worked for Runza for four hours. They had me slicing onions for the entire time. Play smelled horrible even before the onions. I went to the bathroom and I made loud barfing noises. Went home. Went back two weeks later and picked up my paycheck by going through the drive-through.

OMH (59:35.238)
OMH (59:40.81)
Yeah, yeah, give it.

Choking Hazard (59:43.394)
Just go there, just go to the bathroom. What you got to do is you got to like grab a can of something or even if it's water and go, and then pour it like from from a distance so it makes enough splashing sound so it sounds like something can add to you.

OMH (59:52.696)
Yeah.

Yep, there you go. Quick question, I'm a little bit ignorant here. What the hell's a run's a?

Choking Hazard (59:58.883)
Yes.

I don't know. I'll have to see. Let's see. Let me look up a Runza real quick. I've had the Runza before.

OMH (01:00:05.796)
Yeah, Google runs it real quick.

I've had fast food at a drive up that gave me the runs. Gave me the runs.

Choking Hazard (01:00:16.718)
Okay. Oh, Runza. The brother loves sandwiches back. They have a Philly style sandwiches. They have holiday magic. We'll see where they're at. Get Runza. Locations. Yeah, I'll tell you. Yeah, well, I'm going to put my goddamn zip code in. don't know. Apparently it's a fast food joint.

OMH (01:00:35.588)
Get the runs on.

OMH (01:00:44.11)
Renza near me. Okay. All right. All right. I got you. They apparently sell like Philly cheesesteaks. Okay. Gotcha. Yeah. Okay. Well, holy shit, Jack. We finally did it. We reached down. We got down to the bottom of it, Amazing. You guys, everybody, you all are so fucking amazing, man. With all the stories and shit.

Choking Hazard (01:00:45.774)
It's a past food joint that has a Philly cheesesteaks and shit. Yes. Sandwiches.

Choking Hazard (01:00:58.338)
We did, we got all the stories in.

OMH (01:01:11.66)
Excuse me, you gotta love it. I didn't push my button that time, I figure it's better to burp and taste it than fart and waste it. So, So Jack, what are we doing next? Next week.

Choking Hazard (01:01:19.842)
That's true. That's true. And also nothing burps like bacon.

Next week is the week before our Christmas show. So next week we're going to finish up the Pest Control Horror Depot that we'd started for Halloween because we've still got a whole shitload of stories for that. So we're going to catch up on those stories and then the week after that, the Christmas episode.

OMH (01:01:37.198)
Yep. Yeah, yeah, we had a fuck ton of stories on that one too, just like, yep.

Is the beloved annual Christmas pizza party at Tales from the Crawl Space. Yes, please one slice only. You do and you may get a little surprise from me too. There's no telling it may not happen, but you know, you never know. yeah, yeah, you heard it already. You saw the lyrics.

Choking Hazard (01:01:48.162)
Yes it is. And you'll get the beach motherfuckers night before Christmas.

Choking Hazard (01:01:58.34)
Looking forward to that!

Choking Hazard (01:02:04.746)
It will be a smashing hit.

OMH (01:02:09.184)
smashing it. Yes, it will. Yes, if you didn't believe in it, you believe in it after this. So, god, Jack, it's been a great, great night, man. It's good to see you again. so, yeah. So, all right. Looking forward to next week. Keep the stories coming in for us and we love you all. So, on behalf of my friend Jack, Pest Control Humor Depot, my favorite group.

Choking Hazard (01:02:10.763)
Smooshing.

Choking Hazard (01:02:18.936)
Yes sir, always!

OMH (01:02:34.538)
On behalf of Tony Spangler at spanglerart.com, home of the surgical steel urethral sounding rod, Pestrogen, and all the other people that we love and love us, we respectfully ask you to bug the fuck off.

Choking Hazard (01:02:49.166)
you