James Laughlin 00:01

Welcome to Life on Purpose. My name is James Laughlin, former seven-time world champion musician and now a success coach to leaders and high performers. Each week, I bring you an inspiring leader or expert to help you live your life on purpose. Thanks for taking the time to connect today and investing in yourself. Enjoy the show!   

Before we jump into today's episode, I want to tell you about the Purpose Club. I started the purpose club quite some time ago, so that I could coach people of all backgrounds. Not everybody has access to coaching. And certainly, it can be at all people's price range. So, I wanted to create a community where I coach my members each month and it's incredibly affordable. And I do a deep dive monthly live session and deliver my best techniques, strategies, and habits. And I impart great lessons on leadership, motivation, mindset, abundance, habit installation, and you're creating a lasting legacy. There's free replays in there from all the previous live casts, there's high impact worksheets for you to take home and actually work through throughout the month, you'll receive weekly planning emails with actual planners to fill out your week, you'll get a weekly self-evaluation email, where you can evaluate yourself on all different levels, relationship, life, business, wealth, career, everything that you want, you'll get weekly journal prompts to really get your mind tuned into that higher level thinking. And also on a monthly basis, you'll get planning worksheets and reflections for your month. So, if you would like to learn about it, please get in touch with me or someone in my team, you know, jump on Instagram James Laughlin official, drop me a DM or you can email me James at jjlaughlin.com or just go to the website jjlaughlin.com and check it out. Enjoy the show and I hope to see some of you guys over in the purpose club. 

Well folks, today, I want to talk about how we create our feelings. We're talking about emotions here, right? And the big word that gets thrown around now is, you know, EQ, emotional quotient, emotional intelligence, whether you're in sport, whether you're in business, whether just hanging out with a group of friends, or in a community group. People talk about others' lack of EQ, or someone has amazing levels of emotional intelligence. But essentially, they're talking about that person's ability to interact with others, and how to react in a responsible and thoughtful way that fits into their narrative of what's normal. 

Now, let's talk about emotions. Because if we want to achieve excellence, if we want to really maximize human potential, then it's essential that we look at how we think, how we react, how we respond, how we behave, our emotions are going to drive a lot of that success, or lack thereof. So, how do we think and how do we react? And where do these emotions all come from? Well, essentially, it's really important to think about stimulus, right? So, there's going to be a stimulus every moment of every day. And you think about, you know, how does a stimulus enter our mind? Well, it comes through touch, right? When we touch something, that's a stimulus. When we look at something and see it, it's another one, when we hear it, it's another one, taste is another one, right? So, we've got all these senses that we have and that allows us to interact with the world to understand the world. So, when something happens, that triggers a thought, right? So, let's say you wake up in the morning, instantly, there's a stimulus, right? So that stimulus can come in the way of the smell of coffee, the coffee is being, you know, put on the pot and you can smell it, that's a stimulus. That's a smell, right? Now, right away, once a stimulus happens, what we do without knowing it, is we attach a meaning to that. So, there's a meaning attached to that. So, for us I could smell coffee. So that meaning that we can attach subconsciously could be “Ugh, got to get up and go to work”. Right? Now, when we think like that, and we attach the meaning of coffee means it's morning, which means I got to go to work, which I don't enjoy, then that triggers an emotion and that emotion is going to be low energy, that's going to be maybe resentment. Maybe you're just feeling deflated. Maybe you're feeling like you know, I don't want to go to work. I'm disappointed by that or it frustrates me or maybe it could even be hatred, right? These emotions can be really low level, or they can be high level. Now, once we start to feel that emotion and that feeling, then that impacts our behavior, we react in a different way. So, we might get it a bit, we might then respond to the first person, we see whether that's our loved one or our child, we might respond to them in a less empowering way, maybe a little bit negative or short with them, or you don't really want to talk to them, right? So that's the cycle of what happens when a stimulus comes in. We then attach meaning or we interpret it, and then that creates an emotion or a feeling. And then we react and behave accordingly. And it's just it's a cycle, right? It's a loop. So, the great thing is that we can jump in there. And we can change one of those things. Right, and we can't change the stimulus. Often that just happens. So, someone crashed into the back of us. Well, we couldn't change that. But the one thing we can change, is there, meaning that we attach to that stimulus. So, let's say you're driving to work, you're possibly running a bit late. Someone drives into the back of you. What's the first thing you think? Crap! Maybe a different word, a stronger word than that, right? You then attach a meaning like, why did that idiot do that? What were they doing? Could they not just focus? They were probably on their damn phone! Right? Now, that attachment, that meaning. That's probably pretty normal for a lot of people to think like that. Now, what's that going to do? that's going to impact the  emotion, you're going to be annoyed. You may even be angry, you might be fearful, you might be aggressive, right? And then how's that going to impact how you behave? Well, you're going to talk to the person with probably a loud voice, you'll be quite rapid in how you speak, your mind will be racing, you'll probably make poor decisions, right? It could go downhill. What you get the opportunity to do as someone who wants to maximize their own potential, is you get to jump in and change the meaning. You get to control what meaning is attached. So, someone crashes into the back of you. What meaning could you attach? It's got to be a conscious decision, you got to drive that consciously. Because your subconscious is connected to your inbuilt negativity bias. We're born with a negativity bias.

It's a survival mechanism, right? So, you've got to jump in consciously, and say, “This is the meaning I want to attach to this stimulus”. Someone crashes into the back of me. First situation or first meaning could be “Am I okay? Yeah, I'm cool”. “Is everyone else in my car, okay? Everyone okay? Okay, cool, great”. “I wonder why the person that crashed into me is, I hope they're okay”. “I wonder what's going on in their life today”. That meant they were distracted and didn't see that I was there on time. Or perhaps they may have had a medical emergency, have had a heart attack and have crashed into the back of me. All of a sudden, that meaning you have consciously attached to that stimulus, that's going to totally change your emotion, you're going to be more understanding, you're probably going to be empathic, you're probably going to be thoughtful, you will ask questions, rather than maybe shout abuse at this person who has crashed into the back of you, you will be calm, and therefore your behavior will reflect that. Your actions, you will be calm and measured. You will be helpful, supportive, resourceful, you'll make sensible decisions, right? So, it's really important to know that whatever's coming in and there's constant stimulus coming in all around us, you know, whether that's the smell of the coffee, whether that's, you know, the dogs got to be taken for a walk, you see the dogs that went for you first thing in the run, it's got to be fed and take them for a walk and scoop is poop, right? You get to attach meaning to that. And a lot of people go, “Ugh, do I have to do that? I had like four hours of sleep    last night”. That meaning that you've attached, well then obviously, set an emotion, which is low level energy, which is possibly resentful, which is not empowering, then you reluctantly take the dog for a walk. And when it poops and you have to pick up that smelly thing. You're really hesitant, and you're a bit resentful about it. But if you turn it to, “Oh my god, look at that gorgeous dog. How lucky am I to have that animal and to cherish it and nurture it? And then I get to take it for a walk, and I get the pickup. It's poo, how lucky am I?” Some of you are probably not thinking that right? But it's all about the meaning you attach. And when you attach that empowering meaning, your emotions, and your feelings will reflect that. So, I want to challenge you to think about what was something that's happened in the last 24 or 48 hours where you've reacted in a way that you weren't proud of? Or you reacted in a way that you know that you could have done it in a more resourceful and serving manner. What was that situation? I want you to think about it. Write it down. What was that situation? Was it that such and such forgot to do the dishes? Right? That's a stimulus, right? And then what meaning did you attach to that? Are they really don't contribute? They don't care. I do everything right here, then how did that affect your feelings and emotions? You probably got a bit grumpy? And then how did that affect your behavior and your reactions while you were probably a little less than pleasant to that individual? So, I want you to think about the situation, then I want you to ask yourself, what meaning did you attach? And if you didn't consciously what you probably didn't, if you didn't consciously attach a meaning, what was the subconscious meaning that may have been attached. So, you may not even know what it is, but look at what your emotions and your reactions were. And that will help you determine what that subconscious attachment of meaning you have attached there. Now, let's think about what you could do to change that. So the same situation comes up. What different meaning could you attach to that to think in a different way, to filter it in a more empowering way to really serve your emotions and to react in an amazing way that serves others around you? That is hard work. That's called doing the work. But that's how we reach our human potential by reflection. And by consciously taking our filter of the world and deciding what we want that filter to be like. That filter that we currently have, was formed through childhood memories, good, bad, and indifferent. 

It was formed through what we hear, and what we have heard for years through media, social media, the government, at school, in newspapers everywhere around us, there are different pieces of information coming in, that really help us form our filter on our beliefs of the world. But we get to choose, if we want to change that filter. It's not easy work. But it's incredibly powerful. And if you are a high performer and you want to be a better partner, you want to be a better businessperson, you want to be that athlete that maximize their potential, well, then you've got to consciously do the work to attach empowering meaning to as many of those stimuli coming in as possible. And I want you to think about all those different stimuli that do come in an email is a stimuli. Some people get a little bit anxious when they see 25 emails that are unread that they've got to get in and respond to, right? Why? Well they’ve attached a certain meaning to that, that makes them feel anxious. Like, “Oh, my God, do I have to do that?” “I just can't do it.” “Oh my, I've got so much on my plate, I don't even know what to say to that person. And what if they don't take it right? Or maybe I should make a phone call. But that'll be a 40-minute phone call, I don't have the time for that.” All of a sudden, you're breathless, your mind is racing. And your emotions are stirring up in a negative way. And then you respond negatively to the other people around you, maybe you drop the ball on some of your responsibilities. Maybe you don't help out where you could be helping out, maybe a little short to your kids. So, I want you to think about the power of understanding information you've listened to today. It's so life changing when you can think about the stimulus, attaching, meaning that empowers you to really manage and influence your emotions, which then impacts how you behave to the people around you. And if you want those job promotions, if you want those opportunities, you want the love of your life, well, thinking about how you respond, react, and how you are emotive, that is going to have a great impact on the success in all areas of your life. So, hope you enjoyed today's short session. I just wanted to give that to you. It was on my mind; I've been talking about it with some of my one-to-one clients. And I'm going to dive deep on it with my purpose club in the coming months. So, if you're not a member of the purpose of already do come across and check it out. So jjlaughlin.com/thepurposeclub. I know you'll love it. But whatever you do today, let's get out there and maximize your potential. Have the most epic day and thank you for tuning in. If you've got three seconds, please go, and give me a rating and review. If you're listening in on Apple, I'd really appreciate it if you're listening on Spotify or any of those other platforms. Thank you so much for tuning in. 

Thank you so much for listening in today and investing in your own personal growth. Please hit that subscribe button. I would love, love, love If you'd leave me a rating and review as it really helps me to impact more people. I've got some amazing guests lined up in the coming weeks and folks, it's that time. Get out there and live life on purpose.