Hello, homemakers and welcome to The Art of home podcast where we are exploring how homemakers cultivate a place to belong. I am your host Allison weeks. I'm a wife. I'm a mom to four grown kids, grandmother to one baby boy do this fall, and I have been practicing the art of home for 30 years. If you're new here, welcome to the podcast. If you are a regular listener, thanks for tuning in again. I know you are waiting with bated breath for the second half of my discussion with Karen Shepard, about the art of using words in the home. Last week, we kicked off this two part deep dive about words. Words we hold on to words we pour out and words we take in most of our discussion. In part one focused on the words we hold on to because those words have a huge impact on the words we pour out. And even the words we choose to take in. As we talked about in part one, all of these words are connected, and they form a cycle of words, if you will, in our hearts and in our homes. Part one really lays the foundation for the rest of this discussion. So if you haven't listened to that one, be sure you go back and give it a listen. I would even say before you listen to today's episode, and make sure you get a copy of the companion resource that we made to help you tackle the unhelpful and untrue words you hold on to and replace them with truth. Just click the link in the show notes or go to the art of home podcast.com/words. In today's episode, we pick up in the middle of our discussion on the words we pour out. Last time we talked about our speech. And now we're going to finish this category discussing the words that we write. We talk about the value of letters, memoirs, journals, and the practice of expressive writing to work through traumatic or difficult experiences in life. Karen also gives a word of advice to aspiring writers. We end our discussion today with the category words we take in, including the Bible, media, music, and great books. We have a lot of words about words today. So without further ado, let's get back into this deep dive on the value and importance of words in the home. So that gets us to the importance of writing things down, which is the next place we're gonna go we're going to talk about writing our words,
Karen:study after study shows that you remember things better when you write them down. That makes sense to me. But yes, you know, I don't know, some people don't write anything down. So and they remember everything in their brain. But
Allison:that's a special gift. I don't know, a lot of people have that gift.
Karen:So writing scripture, I think is a it's a good habit to get into every now. And then maybe not every day. But every now and then to have a journal that you write scripture. And I think you're going to remember a lot more when you write it. There's some there's a process in the brain that uses different parts of the brain when you write and just reading. You don't you don't notice as much. And handwriting actually engages more areas of the brain and establishes more connections. Yeah, within the brain. And so, you know, why would and there's something about cursive you know, the cursive
Allison:because you don't pick the pin up off of the paper. Yeah, you just right. It's a fluid continuous fluid mode. Yeah, motion.
Karen:So these researchers at this center for learning environment and behavioral research. They, they did some research and they found that reading handwritten text activates activates different parts of the brain than reading typed text. Interesting. Yeah. Hmm. So we, I don't know, growing up with our kids growing up. And I remember one Christmas, Greg wrote each of the girls letters, and that was pretty much as a Christmas present. Because in it, he had he proposed that he would do something special with them for the rest of the whole, like the whole next year. Every month, he would do something special with each one. And he actually came up with ideas and everything in there and it didn't very few things cost money. It was mostly just free things. Yeah. The it was just spending time with but but those girls, they cherish those letters. Yeah, they all they have their letters and they pull them out every now and then and look at them and
Allison:Edith Schaeffer in her chapter on writing in the hidden art of homemaking talks about letters a good bit, because this book was written back in the early 70s, I think, yeah, it was much more common to do letters, you know, actually mail them in the mail. But they had a thing that their family did, which I thought was so cool. They would on the, on the night of their child's wedding, the child who was getting married, would write a letter to each member of the family, and put it like under their pillow or something on the on the day of the wedding, the daughter who was getting married, or the son who was getting married, would write out a letter to the mom and the dad, and then to whoever was still living in the home, whatever siblings were still there. And it was sort of a farewell. And when she talks about it in the book, she says in the hustle and bustle of a wedding and a reception, and then with a light leave right away, you don't always get to say those words, you know, and to have that letter, they have just treasured those letters. And the siblings have treasured their letters from their siblings. And I thought that's so awesome. And actually, our kids, my son, and my daughter in law did something kind of like that, where they wrote letters to their parents. And they read them to us at the rehearsal separate. Well, let me tell you, Oh, there was not a dry eye in the room. And I can imagine I have them video recorded. But I do not have copies of those letters yet. And I need to get copies of them and put them in my memory box that I'm going to
Karen:Yeah, yeah. I love that. Because having been through three weddings, I know how it can get crazy and wild and feelings can get hurt. And, and boy to have something like that would have been great. Oh, I'm gonna, I'm gonna tell my girls about that.
Allison:Yeah. So letter writing is I am all for it. Yeah.
Karen:Well, even with our grandkids, we'd love to Valentine's Yes, we like to write them special hours. And so we, you know, sometimes we make the cards, sometimes we buy the cards, it depends on how early we get started, because we have to do 14. And so that's a lot. But just making them specific to each child and trying to be an encouragement to them. And it's encouraging to us to do it. You could
Allison:even do that with your spouse to Oh, yeah, you could take that list that you encouraged us all to me about the things that we love about our spouse and turn it into a poem or, or not, or just, you know, write out the list and give it to them for valent. Oh, yeah, or something. Yeah,
Karen:you sure could. But also, letters from way back, I treasure my letters from my dad and my grandparents, who are now all gone. Yeah, that. So my dad was he was in the Navy. And now we have a grandson in the Navy. And so I sent him all my dad's letters to read. And he has read those letters over and over. And he keeps asking me questions like, What was your dad's rank? And where was he? And because, you know, he just wants to he feels this connection? Yeah. Oh, that's awesome. It was this connection with my dad who he never even knew. And so, but um, so my dad was in the Navy and in 1944 on January 16th, I just took an excerpt out of a few of his letters. He said, I thought seasickness was pretty bad, but I'm finding out that homesickness is a lot worse, and it's something you can't get over. And I thought, you know, wow, my dad never showed a lot of emotion. And that sounds pretty Yeah,
Allison:a very, very passage right there.
Karen:Yeah. And he just in his letter, he just kept going on and on about it, you know about how homesick he was and, but and then another time, he said in response to a letter he had gotten from his mom, in 1944. He said, Tell daddy to be careful. We don't want any jailbirds in the family. It's bad business to argue with an officer, I sure got a kick out of hearing about him being taken to jail. And then I saw that side of him and I thought, Oh, that's so funny. You know, things. These are stories I've never heard. So and then there was a letter from my grandmother and she said we've been married 61 years have three children 11 grandchildren and all Christians. I hope and pray they keep following Christ in this old world. So much change and so much more sand in this old world, but we must pray and help our children all we can. So I thought, you know, here we think we're praying for you know, people right now and war and people that we know and, and, and she was doing the same thing. Yeah, back then when she was younger than I am right now. And so I just, I just thought, wow, that's really cool. Yeah, to connect in her with her in that way because I know but Um, and then when our kids, we adopted these two children, and the church gave an adoption party, and they gave them each of these little books of encouragement, and everybody wrote notes in there. And it was, it was just amazing to me. And so a couple of examples of notes. This is 1974, you are a special young lady with tremendous potential for God, you are a blessing to us. And we thank God for you and your family, love in Jesus, PS, I will always remember that you called me teacher thought those words, you know, are impactful.
Allison:This reminds me of when you're when you're when I was a kid, and you would get your yearbook. And people would sign your yearbook. And you know, the ones, the people that I was closest to, I would reserve like a whole page for them, you know, like, nobody else can write on this page, because this was for my, my best girlfriend, you know, that was her page. And then this is for my boyfriend, Ryan, as this is, you know, in middle school in high school, and you go back, and I would read and I would pour over those words, and not necessarily the best input. But it was really encouraging for me as especially as a young woman, as a teenager to read these encouraging words from these friends who said, you know, I had so much fun doing this with you this year. And this is what I love about you. And you know, whatever they wrote, some of it was meaningless dribble, but some of it was Yeah, impactful. Yeah. And I think very formative for me as a young person. Yeah. So what a treasure to have this kind of thing.
Karen:Well, yeah, and our daughter, she even said, I don't want to take this book, because I'm afraid I'm gonna lose. Because she's moving around a lot, you know, and, and so I've kept it here for her, but she probably doesn't remember anything in it much, you know. And so to send her some of these things that people said, at a time when maybe her life is needing a lot of encouragement my might make or break, you know, I mean, letters, words and letters can do that. Absolutely. And so one of them even said, You are a chosen child, you are very blessed by God. And so, wow. Yeah. But and so I've been over the years, I taken forever to do this project. But it's, I'm doing a recipe book for this daughter. And, and so I'm trying to collect recipes from the family. And then I want to write stories like in between the recipes, and put excerpts from all of the things that I have for her letters and everything that you know she's sent or that we've sent her wherever that Yeah, wonderful
Allison:idea.
Karen:I think it gives hope.
Allison:Absolutely. And you never know, like you said, the impact of just the words that you just jot down or that somebody jotted down in the little book, maybe 1520 years later, you don't know what impact those words. Yeah, yeah. So yeah, let's be real quickly, practically, since you brought up recipes. I mean, there's moms listening to this that are just so overwhelmed with just the daily life of keeping up with babies and keeping the laundry going, and all that kind of stuff. So this may seem daunting and overwhelming to them. So can you think of maybe a couple of practical ways that they could implement something like this, I was just thinking, you know, I love to write in my cookbooks, I write notes. If I've prepared a recipe and I think I'm going to do it again, I'll make if I did, you know, any, anything I substituted, or, you know, change the temperature on the oven or do this or that, I'll make little notes. But I also will write down, we had this meal for Easter 2010. And this was who was prep, this was who was here, and I'll write it in the cookbook, like in the margins. I like that. And it's doesn't take long, you know, but it's just a little little journal entry in my cookbook. So I don't know if there's any other things like that, that you could think of that something easy and practical that
Karen:they go, I think to maybe just what am I feel, how do I feel today? Or you know, what's going on today? Maybe just little, little things about their mood today. I mean, you know, sometimes our mood is lower than other times, and maybe just and then when you go back and look at that. It's kind of revealing. Yeah. Especially if if you've grown a lot over the years, and yeah, I don't know. But I liked that idea. I think that's a great one. Yeah, very few people use cookbooks anymore. So that's I know that's really
Allison:sad, but you You know, if you inherited one, especially if you Yeah, and that was your mother's or your grandmother's or some or your, you know, your dad's or whatever, right? Go back through that. And you know, as you make some of the favorite recipes, do that make some notes, and maybe you have a memory of your mom making that thing. And you could go in her cookbook, and you could write that memory down in the margins or whatever. Another thing I thought about for busy moms just a way to sort of write these words down for your kids to read later. And for you write down get a little notebook, it doesn't have to be fancy, but write down the things that your kids say. those funny little things. Little one liners little like the way that they say, you know, the word fireplace, one of my kids, he could not pronounce the F sound. And so he would do an H and instead. So it was hyoe place? The Hyatt Place. Yeah, until one day, he didn't say that anymore. Yeah. And then you know, you think you're going to remember, and you will not remember. And if you have more than one kid, you won't remember which kid said what? Right. So just get like a little notebook and just write down, you know, Johnny used to say this,
Karen:or it's actually a calendar either seen that you can you can buy and enhance room and it's made specifically specifically to write down things that your children do that day, or say or where you go. So I think a calendar would be
Allison:Yeah, that'd be great. Really, just every day, every every couple days, just jot down a little funny thing they did or anything they said or a milestone, or some thought you had about them
Karen:that day. Now, everybody just puts it on Facebook.
Allison:But you know what? Facebook might not always be there. That's right. And as we said before, there's something about physically writing it down with your hand, there's a there's a connection that's made and your memories.
Karen:Well. And plus, this is something that's special to you. Yes, it's not really that special to everybody else in the world. So you know, and I think just having making that special, do you? Is it good or bad? So I was just thinking about cards for my husband, he gives me a card for every occasion. And always, he always does, finds beautiful cards. But the thing that I liked the most about the card is the envelope because he always on the front always puts to my Karen. Oh, and that just to me is Yeah, that's really special. So I can't throw those envelopes away. But, but So little things like that. Don't underestimate little things like that single word. Yeah, my Yes. makes all
Allison:the difference. Because you're not just any Karen. Yeah, you're his Karen. Yes. She's got a pretty bad reputation. I wasn't gonna bring
Karen:My Karen. Yeah. So and especially with you know, the Karen has pretty bad.... that up. She said it, folks. I just had you said it. I couldn't pass that one up.
Allison:She is nothing like that, Karen. I'll just set the record straight.
Karen:Well, that, Oh, and another letter, I just went through my box and found all these things. But a fun idea. And this is this would be really fun for your kids, especially if they're young teens. When our daughter was 12 years old. She wrote a letter to herself at 20. And so she said, How does it feel to be 20? That seems a long way off. Are you Mrs. Blank yet? I bet. So right now I'm anxious to grow up and have my own kids instead of babysitting. I just die. Good. Yeah. And she really actually made it to 24. She wrote down so and just letters from grandkids that we do have one family who really likes to their kids like to write letters, and we really enjoy getting those letters. But like, this is just an example of like from a 10 year old grandson to his pop. Hi, pop. Hope you're having a great Christmas. Remember when we helped you with bonfires? That was fun. Or when we did the yard work? It's so fun at your house, the fires work the new workshop. I can't wait for January when we're going to be at your house. Yes. Can't wait to see you. But I was just thinking about how how meaningful that is. Because so many times we as grandparents or maybe it's more me, I think, Oh, it's just not that fun around here. Really. We don't have one of those cool little cars that go around the property or, you know, we don't have this or that and but yet, you don't have to have the writings you got you got his perspective through words. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. But you know, and this is a talking about how a child I can even make an impact. Absolutely with a letter. So Abraham Lincoln actually grew his distinctive beard, as a result of having gotten a letter from a young 11 year old girl. And so she said, if you let your whiskers grow, you would look much better your face has to stand. And ladies like whiskers, they might convince their husbands to vote for you. And you'd be president. Oh, my goodness. So it turns out that Lincoln had had a really poor self image of himself because of his looks. He was tall and skinny and lanky, and just, you know, didn't feel good about himself. And he was a very engaging man. And but you couldn't tell that by looking at his pictures. And so he took the girls advice, and he didn't do it before he became president. But before the inauguration he did. And some people say that it might have actually saved his life growing that beard, because he and his bodyguard were on the train on their way to the inauguration. And there was a an attempt for his life and assassination attempt. Wow. And
Allison:didn't know that there had been another assassination attempt. Yeah,
Karen:but due to his recent disguise with his beard, and he wore a different hat that day. They didn't recognize Wow. And, and he only had one bodyguard. So so interesting.
Allison:Yeah. All from a little 11 year old
Karen:yeah, 11 year old girl. Yeah. And then you think about Anne Frank. And her her diary journals. Oh, my goodness. I mean, she got that diary, when she was 13. Before they went into hiding. Yeah. And but once she was into hiding, she wrote so much in there about every day, her feelings and what was going on and and just to show the reality of what, what the Jews were going through, we
Allison:would we wouldn't be missing a whole piece of understanding that experience. Without her writing.
Karen:She had no idea that that diary was going to be such a huge part of history. Yeah. And her dad, the only surviving member of their family took that and safe kept it. And now you can read all kinds of stuff out of her diary and, and their, their children's books about it and everything. It's really, it's really neat. But, but my grandfather, he, when he was 88 years old, I guess he died when he was 94. He decided to write a journal about his whole life. And he did 40 pages. And, and here's how he began. He said, it was on the 15th day of March 1903, I made my triumphant entry into this great land of prosperity and challenge. Mr. Webster define the word challenge as a calling to take part in a fight. And I have found life to be just that. I'm 87 years old. And I believe that I have won more fights than I have lost. I got off to a bad start. I arrived two months ahead of schedule and weighed at two. And at two and a half pounds. I know where I was born, and when I was born, but I have not figured out why I was born. And I thought, wow, so strange. My grandfather was this gruff, old man, you know. And in the he, through his journal, I have seen the tender side of him that I did not know exists. And so that the connection that I have felt, through those words, with him has just been really neat.
Allison:That's awesome. Yeah, I love that. And I think so we've kind of moved from letter writing into journaling. And I have a couple of thoughts about that. The first thought, I'm a journal keeper. I don't do this quite as much anymore. But I used to write my prayers. It was a prayer journal. And I would just pour out my heart to the Lord. And I would write because it helps me to keep focus. Probably Karen, because I was getting up super early in the morning, because I had four little children at home. And that was the only way that I was going to have that time. Yeah. And I had to stay awake. So if I tried to pray, like with my eyes closed, I would fall asleep. And I did often. So I found that writing them down, kept my kept me engaged enough to keep me awake, and and I have stacks and stacks of them. And I have some friends who have said, Oh, no, no, no, I burn all of my journals. And I'm like,
Karen:oh, no, you're kidding. Because
Allison:I just feel like, nobody's going to read them while you know, they're not going to go read them now. But they all know, they have my permission to read them when I'm gone. And I go home to be with Jesus. You just read them I want you to see because we tend to idolize people after they're gone. We tend to think that they were, you know, just these perfect people and they didn't have struggles and they didn't, you know, and I know from, from the past all of the, you know, great thinkers of the past, we have who we have journals for these mighty men of God and women of God, we from their journals, we see that they had so many struggles, many of them struggle with depression and anxiety and other mental illnesses and things. Yeah, we wouldn't have known that with other journals. And I want for my kids or my grandkids to know, the struggles that I had. I mean, I try to be open when it's appropriate with them, you know, now, but I want them to be able to read those things if they want to, and they might not want to, but it's there, if they want to read them, and perhaps, understand a piece of who I was, but more importantly, see how God used my life for His glory, and what the role that they played in it. And you know, how I prayed over them and all those kinds of things.
Karen:Well, and it could offer them hope, too, because you know, they might go through some of the same things you are going through and and just seeing that you've where you are now, right gives them hope. Right.
Allison:And that brings me to my other point that I was thinking as you were talking was, we were giving lots of examples about, you know, writing down happy memories and recording all these fun things and all this good stuff. But I wanted to just say that I think it's really important that we also write down and record the struggles. If you are going through something particularly challenging, and just like a valley of the shadow, you need to write it down, whether it's in your journal, we've we've had something that we've gone through in our family where I just I had to put it down on paper I had to put down this is what I'm thinking this is how I'm frustrated. It was sort of part journal part memoir, part prayer. But I have a notebook. And I've saved some some letters and emails that have been sent back and forth through communicating through this process. Yeah. And it's not happy. No, you know, it's not. Yeah, but I need to remember. And when I see God, bring it, bring us through it. And that might be 20 years from now. And I see him resolve it. And I see how he worked through this trial. For our good and for His glory, I want to be able to go back and look at all of that and see the progression. Yeah. So I think it's really important to write those things down.
Karen:I agree. In fact, that was my next... Nice segue...Yeah, a very nice segue. Because I wanted to talk a little bit about expressive writing. And that's exactly what you're talking about, really. And so it's really a tool for like, when you've experienced like trauma or chronic pain, or, you know, I mean, it could be any time in your life, it could be childhood trauma that you've never dealt with, and it's causing issues with your body or whatever with your emotions. Well, I was doing some research on expressive writing. And I feel like that it's probably a really good thing to do. Trauma triggers anger and fear. And so if we don't talk about things, and we don't get things out, then our brain holds memories and emotions in the special library in our head. Yeah. And we then whenever we come up in certain situations, we think, and we behave from those emotional memories, right? And so researchers say that burying emotions of a memory increases sympathetic nervous system response, which is the fight or flight mode, which you know, you either are going to physically fight or you're going to take off. And there's this guy James Pennebaker, and he's a PhD who and he's a key researcher and expressive writing. And he actually did the study years ago on how that you can write for like, 15 to 30 minutes, maybe three to five times a day, and in consecutive days, and about your deepest thoughts and emotions and feelings surrounding us say a key emotional, right? issue that happened that affected our lives. And the good thing about this is you have the freedom to express your, your deep thoughts without anybody reacting. And so it's so important, you know, when you get those down on paper, once it's written, you can better understand it and you can assign it to memory without inhibited emotions. And so rather than allowing it today, in date are every moment and there's actually evidence that it can bring relief from traumatic memories through these and sanitation, desensitization, say that word, right? Yeah. through repeated exposure, okay. You know, anytime you're, you're exposed to something over and over and over, it desensitizes, yes. And so it can be a good thing. Or it can be a bad thing, that in this respect, it's a good thing. Because you know, you're, you're exposed to those, and then you start to be able to look at them in a different way, right and right away, and then you can just get rid of that you can destroy it, you can keep it, you can destroy it, whatever you choose to do. But there's really no benefit from rereading it. Yeah. But so what they say is, through this exercise, that people have experienced fewer stress related visits to the doctor, improved immune system functioning, reduced blood pressure, improved mood and effect. And so there's so many benefits, yeah, to it. Yeah. That cause you know, pain, even chronic pain, it's a, it's a Mind Body Issue. And so writing could be a tool to help rewire the brain and in healing and those memories that haunt the recurrent anxiety, and it gives brain assurance, the emotions and feeling that emotions and feelings can be experienced without repeat trauma. And so the brain begins to build those new neural pathways that you were talking about earlier, right? And begins to reassociate associate those moments of frustration and anxiety with the solutions that we learned through that, that exercise of writing. So I just feel like it's a really good thing. Yeah, to be able to put your feelings down on paper. Do you have any? Have you had any experience with that? Or have you?
Allison:Yeah, well, like I alluded to earlier, with a particularly difficult situation that we're actually still in the middle of, but just the writing of it helps. Like if I go back, and I see the things that I wrote at the beginning of that journey, which it's been several years now, I can just see the rawness in the pain, that it's not that it's not still painful, but the Lord is worked out that in my heart and in my mind that I, I'm, I'm in a place now where it's still painful, but it's not so raw. Right. And I'm a little bit more removed from the trauma emanate really was a traumatic experience, it was trauma. And so I'm the as time removes me from the trauma, but I'm not just buried the experience, you know, I got it out. And I talk about it often. And that was the one thing I was gonna say, this is something we it's like a mantra in our house is to bring it out into the light. If you have a fear, if you have an anxiety, if you have an obsessive thought, if you have, you know something that's troubling you and it's it's in like, I love that what you just said, the library inside your mind, it's words that you're holding on to, don't let it fester there in the dark, you need to talk to someone about it. And you can begin if it's too scary to talk about it began by writing it down and getting it out of your mind. And onto the paper. It just does something physically and I have actually done that. That was part of some therapy that I went through many years ago, when I was going through depression and anxiety, severe depression and anxiety. That was one of the things he had me do he that counselor was the one who taught me this whole concept of being being transformed by the renewing of your mind and taking every thought captive and replacing it with truth. And part of the exercise was physically writing down the lies that I was believing what I was hearing in my head. And then going to the word and finding the truth writing that down, I had a little stack of index cards that I carried around with me for months and months and months, I still have them there in my bedside drawer. And when I need to I pull them out and I go through them again. So this is all sort of in the same vein of this expressive writing, as far as writing something out, and you know, like destroying it or throwing away. I haven't really ever done that exercise before. Because like I said, I wanted to be able to hold on to that and look back later and see the progression. Yeah, what God had done. Yeah, but I do I can speak to the value of it. And I'd be interested to know how this Expressive Writing therapy I think is a therapy tool. How it's used with children. I don't know. Did you come across anything? I
Karen:did not know but that's a good yeah, I'm
Allison:sure it would be an interesting thing to research. Just because we're speaking to moms and you know, a lot of our listeners have young kids at home and if if your kid even if it's something simple to help them work through using written words that they can write things so
Karen:I know There, there are children, psychchiatrists, and psychologists that actually do pictures with kids draw, draw pictures, you know, and what you try to put your words to the pictures, but say your words and draw the pictures?
Allison:Well, because they don't have the ability at that point. It depends on their age. Right? This would be a probably a really great exercise to do with teenagers for sure. I would say. And, anyway, it's powerful to get those words out on paper.
Karen:Well, and I was just going to mention too, I mentioned this, it's mostly women listening to this, that, you know, I've had some issues with with my pelvic muscles. And that is one of the specific things that some of this research said that it actually helps with that. Really, yeah, with the pain of that in being able to just write about, you know, maybe there's something you know, that you've been thinking too much about lately, and you need to you have a relationship with a relative that's, you know, not so good. And you need to just get that out on paper. You know, maybe there's something causing my muscles, my pelvic muscles to be tight
Allison:that it's Oh, because it's unresolved issues. Yeah, I got
Karen:it. Yeah. Yeah. And so. So they mentioned that specifically. So that really got my attention. Yeah, absolutely. Okay. It's worth a try.
Allison:Okay, well, so what we were going to move into talking about writing down stories.
Karen:Yeah, stories. Stories are a great, great way to be able to just connect with with each other telling stories. It's one of the, I think, the most effective means of using words, yeah. It's affected them building vocabulary, and reading comprehension. And it engages all kinds of brains, because you have visual learners. And they're looking, you know, the visual learners are having these mental pictures in their head as they're reading. And as they're hearing a story, and auditory learners, they focus on the words and the storytellers voice. Kinesthetic learners, they connect, and remember by feeling the emotional parts of the story, so it can, you know, touch all all these different kinds of learners. And I think that's why you remember more when you're told a story, we can also pass those memories and values to the next generation. And, and I think the spiritual values of our faith are, you know, those are the most important things that we can impart to our children. And in you know, Deuteronomy, it talks about that, and it talks about to impress them on your children, first of all, it says, to be on your hearts, well, Another translation says, impress them on your children. And other says, commit yourselves wholeheartedly. teach them diligently. I mean, there's so many ways to make that say, this is important. This is very important. You don't just talk about it, one hour a day, you, you try to be aware of the moments that you know, you can interact with, say your child, and you know, you can tell a story to your child, and they're going to remember things, if you put it in a story form a lot better, that, Oh, this is the scripture I thought was really cool. It says write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets, so that a herald may run with it. And Habakkuk. Two, I thought that's really good. But I was thinking about a modern day translation of that. And it would be like, write down the stories, make them interesting and memorable and get it out on blogs, podcasts and genealogy sites. Yeah, yeah. The, because that's where, you know, where people tell a lot of stories that yes, yes. But I think it's important to try to connect the present with the past, with those stories, those old stories, you know, and then there are new stories. And you know, I was telling you about when I did that storytelling thing, and first and second grade, and I got to, I got to thinking about how that that might be a valuable thing to, you know, tell your child a story and say, I want you to now you're going to tell that story back to me. Right? And so they're getting it two times. Yeah, that in their brain is
Allison:working. And so we're your parents, storytellers. No, no, no. So where do you think you got that gene from?
Karen:You know, I really don't know. Honestly, I just, I love stories. But I don't know where I got it. My my parents did not talk much at all. In fact, there were times I would have loved to have heard stories, but you know, they just didn't my dad didn't even talk about, you know, the war. He didn't talk about it. A lot of that generation didn't do
Allison:Yeah, they weren't as that certainly not as expressive as the generation we have. Yeah, and how we are today,
Karen:but but I think it's, it's just a great tool.
Allison:Yeah. And, well, storytelling is powerful. We know that. And it was one of Jesus's favorite tools to use the parable when he was teaching. He was a master. Yes, storytelling. Yeah. And I think for us, too, we need to note, we need to take that into account when we're thinking about how we want to communicate with people, because storytelling is a very powerful communication tool, especially with children that are like born, you know, we are born just we are born for story. Yeah, you know, God is telling one big, great big story in all of history, and you can read about it in the Bible. It is one story that all points to Jesus. And so I think storytelling is just one of the best tools that we have as parents and as just as people when we try to communicate with other people.
Karen:But yeah, I know, when I, when I teach classes of young children classes, I love to tell stories, you know, because I feel like you get their attention when you tell a story, and especially if you have something for them to see when you're telling the story, you know, and, and so I think it's a, it's a very good way to approach teaching.
Allison:And it doesn't have to be complicated. You know, I mean, most stories, they have a beginning, a middle and an end, you know, they kind of all follow a similar narrative, you've got someone in distress, and then you have a hero that comes along, and then you have, you know, resolution at the end. It's pretty simple. And you can kind of follow that format. I think there's lots of ways you can engage with your child to in storytelling, you know, one of our favorite things to do was read alouds. And so I would, yeah, you know, every night before bed, not every night, but often before bed, we would be reading something aloud together with whichever children were age appropriate at that time, you know, but you'd be surprised at how old how long a child will listen to a read aloud. Oh, you know, they love it. Even on into middle school in high school. Well,
Karen:yeah, the next night, they begged for the next time No, no, like, we gotta read, we got to read, see what happened. I know they
Allison:love it. And I would do voices and all that, but you don't have to do that. But even engaging them with if you if you are the kind of person who can make up stories. That is such a wonderful talent, and you can just engage with them in that and make up stories together. You know, those are that's like a fun old parlor game, actually, from way back in Torian times when somebody would start telling the story, and then they would stop nice person would have to pick up and then you just, ya know, had this wonderful, amazingly weird story. Yeah,
Karen:it was a lot of fun. Yeah,
Allison:but kids would love that. Yeah. And what a fun way to communicate and use your words creatively in the home with him
Karen:sitting around the bonfire to you know, writing storytelling ghost stories are what?
Allison:And I'm not letting you know, I enjoy Netflix just as much as the next person. I'm not saying you know, no television. But it's a great alternative. Yes, it is. You don't have to every night sit everybody in front of the towel. Because why do we do that? Why do we sit in front of the TV? Because we love story? Yeah. Right. The story lines, some of the opportunity to create some miracle stories in your family. Yeah, and write them down and write them down. And this is something that that Edith Schaeffer talks about in her book, one of her practical ideas for writing, but you could do this verbally as well. You could do biographies, you could tell stories, to your children of your own childhood growing up. Yeah, you know, just make them into little stories that you would tell them at bedtime. By the time you you know, walked up to the grocery store with your grandmother. I don't know, you know, whatever. You could write a biography, you know, could tell them a story of maybe your mom or your grandmother or someone that they never knew you can tell them stories. I know that my husband has very, very fond memories of his grandfather was a storyteller. And as a child, and he he made up these two characters. I forgot their names now, but he could tell you right now, and he could tell you some of the stories that he would just it was like Adventures of you know, Bob and Moe that's Not their names, but and so Bob and Moe would have these adventures all over town. And he would come up with all these funny little, they were just these little, you know, parable type stories and they didn't always have a moral lesson or anything like that. But they were just fun and he remembers those to this day isn't
Karen:that that's amazing? Well, there's a woman in our class, our writing class, it's called Legacy. It's just a small group of women. And she actually wrote a book based on her childhood stories, like just everything about her childhood, she, she just published a book. And it's a mystery. And it's really neat. And you know, that she could take that. And I mean, these are real people. Yeah, back from her day.
Allison:So while we're on the subject of writing, and storytelling, I know that you are a writer. You don't have to be an aspiring writer to do this. And I hope you're getting I hope the listeners you're getting that point, after this long conversation we've been having that this is this is for everybody. This is not just for people who have a, quote, gift of writing. But what if you are that person? What if you are that mom? Who has this burning desire to write? Do you feel like you have a gift you're called to write? Do you have any advice for her on ways that she can sort of nurture that gift?
Karen:For me, the way I got started with writing is writing memoir. And I love him more, because it's personal. And there, you know, people are gonna want to read it, and your family there, they really want to read it. And I just think it's fun for moms for especially young moms, you know, we talked about writing things your kids might say, or do well, why not make just make a story out of it, you know, write it in, you know, you definitely don't have to be a writer, you don't need to worry about grammar or punctuation, or any of that gets your just your thoughts down on the paper. That's the most important thing. I think so many times we worry about, oh, we don't know, grammar well enough, or we don't know this, you know, that's not important. And that's what they tell. You know, I've been writing for a while now and been in some groups. And that's exactly what they say, when you are writing your memoir, down, you just write, you don't worry about you know, that it maybe isn't the right form, or format, or whatever you just write and you're going to be glad you did, because it's really fun to look back on that and read like, right now I'm about to publish a book. It's my, my mother in law's stories of her childhood. And she had a really difficult childhood, but but there are so many neat things, and that you can learn, you know, through difficulty, and she seemed to do that. Well. And, and so, you know, I never never dreamed I would be able to write and publish a book. I mean, I had to do a lot of editing with this. I didn't really actually write the stories better do a lot of editing. And I wrote some forwards and different things, you know, but, but I never pictured myself doing anything like this. But it just it grows on you when you start doing it. And it's a great way to just sit down and pass some time. And, you know, I just think I think, yeah, don't ever feel like you have to be a writer to write.
Allison:Yeah, I have Yeah. Hear from from itas. For anyone who wants to write and hopes someday to publish what he or she has written it is far more important to write than it is to study about writing. Yes, just write something.
Karen:Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I Amen. Okay.
Allison:All right. Well, we want to end our time, we're going to, we want to, we've talked a lot about the words that we pour out that we spent a lot of the last hour talking about the words were pouring out in all the different ways we can do that we've we've talked about the words that we have in our mental library and what we need to do about those words. Part of this equation though, this three part equation are the words that we take in. So I wanted to end our time spending a little bit of time talking about that words that we take in. And we know we have already established that the most important word we can take in is the word of God daily, regularly, and then making it a part of our environment of the home that we're cultivating as homemakers. So what are some creative ways that you have been able to do that? Making it a part of your environment? The Word of God?
Karen:Okay, well, I think one of the best ways that I feel like in my home that I'm just looking around on my walls right now, and I've got a lot of Scripture, a lot of positive things on my wall. Walls and my walls speak to me every day. And they also speak to people coming in. And I feel like your walks your walls can pour out. Yeah. And there's one example of that. And when we were living back in Vienna, and I was part of this women's group where we got together from all these different ladies from different countries, and they came to my place one day, and they, this one woman went to the bathroom, and then she came down the hall. And she looked, and she saw this picture and is in quietness and trust is my strength from Isaiah. And she came to me and she said, there's this picture on your wall, and I just really love it. Where did that come from? And I said, it came from the Bible. And she said, she was from an Islamic country. And she said, The Holy Bible. I said, Yes. And so you know, yeah, there you go. It's like be a witness. It gives you a little jumping off place here to Yeah, to talk to, to
Allison:communicate with someone else. Yeah, yeah, I understand where they're coming from, and they can understand where you're coming from. Yeah, that's what communication is for.
Karen:Yeah. That's great. Yeah. And then I think our family belief system probably has been one of the most effective things we've done with our children, Greg, and I sat down and really thought and prayed about these beliefs and goals. And we just put them down in words. And we would pour them out to our children every night until finally they got to where they could repeat them. Yes. And you know, things like God is real, and he loves us. Doing right is never wrong. Doing Right. And there is never wrong that teaches conviction and courage. There's there are these goals, there's the beliefs, and then there are these goals. And then there are the targets that we came up with. This is what we want our children to learn. We want them to learn to love God and grow to a mature, walk with Him. We want them to learn to love and understand God's word, right? We want them to spend time daily with God and grow to understand the power of prayer. So all these things that we wanted to instill in our children, we tried to come up with these beliefs and goals that we could, that would be simple.
Allison:I love, I love that you do that. We talked about that in your interview, a little bit more extensively, you can go back and listen, I'll link it in the show notes. But what you guys have done in your Shepherd family values, which literally hangs on the wall in your room, you have given verbal expression, to those values that you and Greg hold high highest for your family. And I think that's what words do they give verbal expression to what we value most. So if we value our appearance and our reputation, and, you know, whatever, if we value man's opinion, if we value all the wrong things that's going to come out in our words, it's going to come out and maybe anger or, you know, having a short temper with your spouse or your kids. And what are you valuing? And this is so interesting to me, because this is totally a God thing that he keeps bringing values up in the conversations I'm having about everything from this to organization. Exactly. One of the interviews I did with with Christine, a couple of weeks ago. And we were talking about hospitality and values and all that. But that's really what it comes down to.
Karen:It's such a big part of our life.
Allison:I mean, what do you value most? What do you worship?
Karen:And it has to, you know, it doesn't just come by osmosis. No, it's intentional. You have to be intentional. And in this wasn't easy to do. It took a lot of time and a lot of effort to come up with this stuff. Right? I'm sure you guys a long time. But we're really, you know, and I've given the I've put these on plaques and given them to, like, parents that are having babies and you know, that's a sweet gift idea. I feel like it that. You know, it's the best gift I can give.
Allison:Yeah, yeah. So a wonderful gift of words. Yeah, that's a great idea. We didn't even get into that like word gifts and that guy knew. Well, let's talk just a little bit about some of the other words that we take in and the reason why I mentioned the Bible first was because that needs to be the filter through which everything else goes everything else needs to be filtered through that. So we have other words that that come into our home come into our lives. What about media?
Karen:Oh yeah. A lot of that lately.
Allison:And by media, I mean, I'm talking about, you know, what we consider television, radio, the Internet, newspapers, news, that kind of thing.
Karen:Yeah. And everybody's got their own truth, right.
Allison:And speaking to moms, that is why it's so, so important to give your kids that knowledge of the truth of the Word of God, the most important word that you can give them is God's word. Because they're not always going to have you there, to bounce off the things that they're hearing in the world and the experiences that they go through, you're not always going to be there to walk them through that. But God will, and His Word will never fail. And they can filter everything that they see that they read, that they experience in media, I mean, I know just, you know, kids nowadays are exposed to so much more media than we then I ever was there anything you ever were. And you're not always there to help them decipher it. And that's why we need to help them implant the Word of God in their hearts and their minds. So they can filter that through.
Karen:So important. I mean, you know, if they're going to school all day, every day, and they come home, and, and they're not getting the other side of the, you know, hearing, hearing the truth, to be able to combat maybe some of the things that they've learned that aren't things that you would have taught them, right. And I think that that, so you've got to make time, we as parents have to make time for that. If we, if we don't do other things, we have to make time for that.
Allison:And even in the best of situations where they they're, you know, they might be at a great school where they're learning the truth of God, but they still need to be able to think for themselves. Yeah, they need to be able to take the words that they hear from all the different sources in the world, whether it's media or their teacher, or the kids in their class, and they need to be able to be transformed by the renewing of their mind, they need to let those words filter through the truth of God so that it impacts them in the right way. And grows them in in the fear and the knowledge of the Lord rather than stagnates them in some sort of, you know, wrong thinking. That's super important. Music, music is very powerful, we're not going to talk too much about it, because we're actually going to do a whole episode on music, but music lyrics, specifically, when we're talking about media when you know, music is a form of that. And so we need to be really aware of the lyrics that are coming in through our kids into our kids colors into our own ears, frankly,
Karen:yeah, it starts with us.
Allison:So just to be aware of that. And then finally, I want to talk a little bit about great literature, because this is something you and I have in common. We're actually in a book club together, that we are on our second year now. Started a book club, and I just want to give a plug to everybody out there that this is something that anybody can do. We started it during COVID. And so it's a virtual book club. And all I do is just an admin role. I just help. We select the books the beginning of the year, and then we put out the list and everybody reads, do you have a month to read your selection? Sometimes we have two selections, because sometimes we do children's books. And then we get together over zoom. We have a private Facebook group that we talk to one another. And we get together over zoom, and we talk about it and it's called conquering the classics. Because some of these books, you really gotta have moral support and cheerleaders to help you get through them. Yeah.
Karen:Well, I just I love this book club. In fact, after the first year, I thought, this has been pretty hard reading, I really want to do this again. And then I thought about how the I didn't really read very many of the classics in high school. I didn't either I was in a small high school that just was not an emphasis at all. And, you know, I have thoroughly enjoyed getting to read and the way that words are put together. And I mean, sometimes it's it's, it's different than the way we speak now. Oh, yeah, we right now, but it's just so unique and so beautiful. And I just have been hanging on that, you know, I hang on those words when I'm reading I have to go back and oh, that was really good. I want to read that again.
Allison:Yeah, I mean, there's there's definitely a place for modern literature. Yeah. But the purpose of this book club was to get through some of those those books you should read before you die, you know, and that's kind of those were the lists that I pull from to decide what we're going to read. But there's some just wonderful quotes about about reading great literature. There's a book by Karen swallow prior Have you read that? It's called on reading Well, finding the good life through great books and it's sort of like a primer. On this, this is what you should look for in a really great book like this is a good, classic, you know what you should be reading, she actually has lists in there that, but this is a quote from another thing that she wrote, it's, she says books have formed the soul of me, I know that spiritual formation is of God. But I also know mainly because I learned it from books that there are other kinds of formation to everyday gifts, and that God uses the things of this earth to teach us and shape us and to help us find truth. And she learned that from books, you know, from reading, and in reading, we get into somebody else's experience. And of course, you know, it can be adventurous and it can take us to different worlds and all those wonderful things. But what did you find? I know you homeschool your kids, and I'm sure great books were a part of your homeschool journey. So how we how do you see the impact on your children and on your home that great books have brought?
Karen:Well, I you know, we did, we did a lot of reading and like you say both out loud. And they also had to read on their own. And we had this Bob Jones University with a published all these books, and they were I could always count on them being good clean books, you know, I mean, sometimes it's really hard to just buy a classic out there. I mean, you are not sure what Yes, you know, if it's too mature, yeah, but some of its, yeah, yeah. And so I love the fact that they'd kind of did that for me. And all my kids, in fact, our son, he actually did not read until white. And he started reading those books, and he could not put them down. And that's where he that's how he learned to read. And they're, they're wonderful books. I mean, you know, they teach so many lessons in life. And, and that's what I love about, you know, the Classics is that they do you people back in the 1700s 1800s there were people just like us, yeah, we tend to think of them being different or having different experiences, they had the same experiences that we have, you know, and, and I just love the lessons that I've learned from those books and what the values that actually you can get values from those books. Also, you know, how you live your life and, and then things that how not to live?
Allison:Exactly, yes. Here's an example of what not to do. Yeah, I think there's just something about the language of older books, like you were talking about just the, the way that they put words together and the way that they just the way that the prose is, yeah, it's beautiful. So beautiful. I have another quote here. This one's from CS Lewis, it is a good rule after reading a new book, never to allow yourself another new one until you have read an old one in between. Oh, there you go. I thought that was great. That's really good. There's wonderful books coming out all and I want to read them all, but I don't have time to read them all. So definitely, I think that's a good little rule maybe to have for yourself and even with your kids. You know, read them a new kids book, but then go back and read them something. Yeah. Older. Maybe some old Well, you gotta watch out with a fairy tales. Because yeah, those are actually quite good.
Karen:Oh, yeah. Great. Grandfather, Russian fairy tale. But oh, those are even worse. Let me
Allison:just be careful with that. You might want to prove the reading before you put it in front of your kid. Oh, yeah. But on on children's literature. This is one of my very favorite. And this is the last quote I'm gonna give you this is one of my very favorites from from Lewis. And I think I said this to the book club when I was telling you guys why we're going to read some kids books. A child story that can only be enjoyed by children is not a good children's story in the slightest. No book is really worth reading at the age of 10, which is not equally and often far more worth reading at the age of 50.
Karen:And beyond. That is so true. It's so true. If
Allison:it's worth reading at 10 it should be good enough to read when you're an adult too,
Karen:because I remember when you asked us to, you know give some selections, some ideas, and I thought, well I read Black Beauty. I really love to black beauty but I thought oh, she's probably not gonna want to read that's kind of a kid's book.
Allison:Well, we just read it last month, and I loved it. Everybody loved it.
Karen:I read that but I wish I had my copy that I had back then because it was so unique and it had a hardcover and everything. It was very laminated looking. I have mine but pictures. Oh, I have lifestyles. Yeah, I was a child. Yes. Yeah. My mom tried to find it. But she said I don't know what it is gone. Yeah, that you know, I was a correlation that I've seen between people that read a lot. That in fact, they said If you want to be a good rider, you have to read. Yes. I've only known one person in my whole life and she was in our class a couple of years ago, writing class whose she said she never reads and she's a very good writer. And so I'm like, How did you do that? That's that's
Allison:not a gift, I guess. Yeah, no, I've heard that too, as well. So yeah, yes. So all I mean, I'm a I am a bibliophile. Absolutely. I love books. I collect books, I have them all over the place. My I have, like all the badges on Audible, because that's how I take most of my books in nowadays, because I'm multitasking. Yeah, I'm a big proponent of the audiobook. And I have a little like, you earn badges. Oh, cool. For you know, you've read this many books you earn like a little badge of such kidding. No. So I bet
Karen:you're gonna have to show me that because I gotta figure Yeah, I want to do that. That sounds fun.
Allison:But yes, books, books, surround yourself, surround your children with books. And when we were talking about the the Lewis quote about it needs to be good for your kids to read it. I did Charlotte Mason style education when my kids when I was homeschooling. And she had a thing that she would say, Don't give your children twaddle. She called it twaddle. Don't give them twaddle. Like give them good stuff to read. Yeah. Because those words will make an impact on them. And it's it's important when you're putting in front of their eyes.
Karen:It is so attached to that fact. All right.
Allison:Well, do you have any other words that we had a lot of words, a lot of words about worded out? Well, this has been a really good discussion as thank you so much, Karen. Oh, I've
Karen:just enjoyed it so much. Thank you.
Allison:I hope you have enjoyed this deep dive into the art of words in the home with Karen Shepard, we had so much fun with this topic and discussion. And I'm finding that God is often bringing to mind the things that we talked about. I find myself with a renewed desire to write and save letters, to memorize scripture, and to use my words as the powerful force of good that they can be in my circles of influence, beginning with my husband and my kids. It is my prayer that this discussion has opened your eyes to the power of words for the homemaker. Words can either help or hinder our daily efforts to cultivate an atmosphere of welcome and belonging in our homes. So let's choose our words carefully. May the words of our mouths and the meditation of our hearts be acceptable to you, Lord, our rock and our Redeemer. Thank you for listening all the way to the end, my friend. Don't forget to get your copy of our companion guide words to live by and make sure you're signed up for our free weekly newsletter because that's the place to not only be in the know about all that's happening at the art of home, but also to get your hands on any of the resources that our guests share with us. Often it'll be a recipe, but sometimes it's a poem or a reflection or in this case, a copy of the shepherd family values chart that Karen and her husband prayerfully created and then implemented in their home over the past 50 years. You may want to just print it out as is posted on your wall or use it as inspiration to create your own family values chart. That will be in this week's newsletter which goes out on Friday morning, so make sure you're subscribed before then click the link in the show notes or go to the art of home podcast.com/subscribe. As always, we so appreciate when you share the podcast with other homemakers. And when you leave a rating and a review on your listening app. Both of these help the show reach more homemakers. So thank you. Everything we do here at the Art of home is free to our listeners, but it does cost something to produce. If you believe in what we're doing here and you want to help offset some of the cost. You can leave us a tip in our virtual tip jar. Buy me a coffee. I'm thankful for every single dollar that you gift to us over there. There's a link in the notes or go to buy me a coffee.com/the art of home to leave your tip. Well that's all for this episode of The Art of home. We will be back next week with another homemaker portrait. Until then, keep practicing your art of making a home