Hello Homemakers , welcome to the Art of Home podcast , where we are exploring how Homemakers cultivate a place to belong . I'm your host , allison Weeks . I am a wife , a mom to four grown kids , a granny to one little boy , and I've been practicing the Art of Home for over 31 years now . Welcome today . If you're new , I'm so glad that you found the show . If you're a returning listener , I'm so glad to have you back . Thank you for tuning in all of you . I pray that this episode today will be an encouragement to you and will give you some inspiration and some practical ideas that you can apply right now in your own practice of the Art of Home . Well , hopefully you can tell that my voice is in much better shape than it was last week . I have recovered from the crud Praise Jesus . I'm feeling much , much better this week . So I was able to do what I had intended to do last week over the weekend , and that is put up the main Christmas tree . So , yes , I am one of those people who starts early , but I will tell you that I do not bring out any Christmasy things besides the tree and the lights until after Thanksgiving . I give Thanksgiving its proper place All the decor , seasonal decor in my home is still fall and it will remain fall until right after Thanksgiving . I put the tree up with its lights only because I am not a fan of pre-lit Christmas trees . I've just never , they just don't work for me . I've never been able to get on board with that concept , because invariably lights will go out and then you have to figure out which lights are out and then you have to replace them , and then I mean I guess I'm sure they've improved in the last several years from when they first came out . But call me old-fashioned . I am a put the lights on the tree kind of girl . So also that allows me to put as many lights as I want on the tree , and I put a lot of lights . So that is why I like to get a head start , because it does take me a couple of days usually to put all the lights on the tree . If you would like to see my process , I recorded a good bit of my decorating process last year and I put that in a story highlight on Instagram . So if you're not following the art of home on Instagram , why not ? You need to go over there and do that right now . We are at the art of home podcast . I post there at least three posts per episode . I will give you an announcement when a new episode comes out . I will do a post about the favorite quotes and then I'll do a post about the Titus 2 advice that each one gives , and then I do other stuff . But oftentimes in stories I will just pop on and show you what I'm cooking for dinner or how I'm decorating the table or any number of things that I'm doing in my home making . So if you want to get a peek into my own home making practice , make sure that you're following over on Instagram .
Allison WeeksBut anyway , back to the tree . So the tree is up . I'm so happy . All the lights are on and it's bare Other than the lights . There are no decorations on it right now and we do have quite a while until Thanksgiving .
Allison WeeksSo I thought I'd try something a little different this year . I've never done . I know some people do like a whole full on Thanksgiving tree . They decorate the whole tree completely with fall themed things , thanksgiving themed things , and in the past we have done a thankful tree which is just basically a bare tree branch , and we did cut out leaves from construction paper and had a little Sharpie marker and we put it on a table in the foyer and anytime you walk by during the month of November and you wanted to write something down that you were thankful for , you could put it on the leaf and then hang it on the little tree . So I have done that a couple of times in the past when my kids were younger and still at home . So I wanted to sort of do something similar on the main tree .
Allison WeeksI have some gorgeous I would say it's like a coppery , colored velvet ribbon . It's really wide it's about , I think , two and a half inches wide that I got off of Amazon and I'm making bows with that to put on the tree . I have some I think they're plastic pumpkins but they look really realistic that I had gotten last year and use them on my porch decorations , which I did not do this year . So I am repurposing those and I'm just sticking them inside different parts of the tree . And then I ordered some plain craft paper tags from Amazon . They're just very simple little tags . They're about three inches long by maybe two inches wide . They came with little strings to hang them with and I'm going to do like like I did back in the day . I'm going to take all those little tags , put them in a basket with a sharpie marker or two and set that near the tree , so that , mainly , this will be a practice that I will be doing and my husband might participate , I don't know and then my kids when they come by , but it's a it's going to be mostly a practice for myself to every , every day , at least once a day , I'm going to write something that I am thankful for on one of those tags and I'm going to hang it on the tree . So I will report back and let you know how that goes and let you know if it was valuable for me . I'm sure it will be , and if anybody else decided to participate , it'll just give us something to look at on the tree for this entire month , without it just being bare , although it is beautiful all by itself with the lights .
Allison WeeksOkay , so since we're talking about Christmas , I did want to remind you that we have upcoming in . Let's see what day is that coming out ? That is coming out November 29th . November 29th will be our very first episode of this year's holiday homemaking series .
Allison WeeksIf you're new to the podcast , every Christmas , christmas season , I do a holiday homemaking series for episodes that are all holiday all the time , all things Christmas , and what I've done is , throughout the year , as I interview all the women that you've heard from , I do a little segment with them at the end of their main interview . We talk about Christmas for about 10 , 15 minutes and then I took that part of the episode or interview away and then at the end of the year I compile each of those little segments into four different episodes and that is what makes up our holiday homemaking episodes . So it's going to be familiar voices , ladies that you've heard from this year , wonderful tips and ideas and recipes and great holiday memories that they share . I just love . This is one of my favorite things that I get to do for this podcast . I love putting these episodes together for you . If you want to get a sneak peek of what they will sound like , you can go back and listen to holiday homemaking 2021 and 2022 . Just scroll down through your podcast player app back to those , those dates and you should be able to find those pretty easily . Or you can go over to our website , the art of home podcastcom , and you can go onto the podcast page and just search there in the search bar holiday homemaking and all eight of those episodes should come right up . We also do a special , special editions of our newsletter Homemaker , happy Mail . During the holiday homemaking season you will be getting all the recipes that you hear on those holiday episodes that will come up , that will come to you in the newsletter and some writing from some of our guests . Actually , I have reached out to some of the ladies who have been on the show in the past some from this year , some from years before and asked them to share some writings with us on the themes of Advent . So that's the other resource that I have available for you .
Allison WeeksBesides our holiday homemaking episodes , we have an Advent devotional guide that I put out last year . It is a very simple daily guide through the four weeks of Advent . In each week we focus on a different theme , a different theme of Advent hope , peace , joy and love and for every day there is a scripture . There's a truth that is stated about that particular thing , whether it's hope , and then there is a scripture to back up that truth . So I'm not just pulling this out of thin air . These are all based on scripture . There's usually two or three scriptures there to support that daily truth about hope or peace or joy or love . And then there is a suggested song that you can listen to , and I have companion playlists on Spotify that have all of the songs for each of the weeks and the idea is that you listen to the song all week long . When we're reflecting on hope , the week of Advent , where we talk about hope , which is the first week , you can pull up that Spotify playlist that has all kinds of songs some Christmas , some regular worship songs around the theme of hope to kind of help you fix your mind on that throughout that whole week and it's all linked together .
Allison WeeksIt's very easy to follow and it's meant to be a super quick little devotional guide that you can just spend five or 10 minutes on . There's blank pages for you to write out your reflections and I will go through this a little bit more in detail . As far as how to use this guide , I might do a story , maybe on Instagram , or I might talk about it on the first holiday homemaking episode , but anyway , I will be putting out a new version of last year's , but it will be basically the same . All I'm going to be doing is adding . I noticed some edits as I was working through the guide myself last year , so I will be editing a few things and then I will be putting up the new one . But if you want to go ahead and get your hands on a copy of it right now , you can do that . It's on the website . Just go to the art of home podcastcom , slash Christmas , and it will pull up the little form . All you have to do is enter your email and then it should pop right up on the screen for you to download it , and then you can print it off and print as many copies as you would like . It's just a little gift from me to you to help you keep your mind focused on the main thing in this crazy season that's coming . That is well , almost already upon us . All right , so that's enough housekeeping . I'm going to get on to today's episode .
Allison WeeksI have another listener Homemaker Portrait for you . It is an in the trenches Homemaker Portrait of Brianna Wakefield . Brianna talks to me about the strong influence of her mom and her grandmothers on her homemaking . She's a full-time homemaker . Let me just say that she's a mom of two and a full-time homemaker . She did work outside the home for a while as a high school Spanish teacher until she had her first child , and so she does do this as a full-time occupation and she draws a lot on the influence and the teaching that she received from her mom and her grandmothers and we talk about that . We talk about the importance of focusing on the why and how . That can help us manage our expectations and help us to slow down and really soak in the joy of homemaking instead of getting so wrapped up and coming up with the perfect systems and getting the tasks done in a perfect way . It also frees us up to be more open with our hospitality , so we talk about that quite a bit .
Allison WeeksShe shares really candidly with us her journey through to both of her pregnancies . She had some pretty severe complications related to her endometriosis diagnosis and then , with both pregnancies , she ended up with postpartum depression and we spend some time talking about that because if you've heard any of my story , you know that that's something that I struggled with . I dealt with postpartum depression with my third and fourth child , so we get into that a good bit and it's a great conversation and super encouraging . So I just encourage you to listen . Whether that's something you've had to deal with or not , you probably know someone who has . So this may be a good way for you to just enter into that experience a little bit so that you can sympathize and encourage those people in your life . Besides all of that , brianna has excellent tips and tricks and lots of ideas , and I know that you're going to learn a lot from her and be encouraged by this story .
Allison WeeksI so enjoyed my conversation with Brianna . We talked about lots of things even before we started the official interview and there was some great content in there and I didn't want to just erase it , so I tacked it on at the end of this episode as a little bit of bonus content . So make sure that you listen all the way till the end , because we've got that that bonus content at the end for your listening enjoyment . So thank you for joining us today and trusting me with some of your time . I know it's valuable and I know you have a lot going on in your home making life , so it's an honor that you would choose to spend some of it with me today and , brianna , whatever you are applying your hands to as you listen to this , I know you will enjoy Brianna's story of home . Welcome to the art
of home . I'm here with my new friend Brianna . No , I'm here with my new friend Brianna Wakefield .
Breanna WakefieldYou got it . You got it . I even wrote it down . It's hard , I know Okay .
Allison WeeksSo Brianna is a in the trenches homemaker . We're going to hear all about that , but before we go back to the beginning and hear your story , why don't you just introduce yourself ? Tell us a little bit about who you are today ?
Breanna WakefieldWell , I am a wife to my husband of seven years . We just started year eight . Congratulations , thank you . It was a big one when you passed that year seven . It's exciting . I'm a mom . I have a three year old little boy and a one year old little girl , and I stay home with them , so I'm a full time stay at home mom and homemaker . But prior to having my children , I taught high school Spanish full time for six years , so then I stayed at home with them when I had my son . I've spent most of my life in a Midwestern state . I've been in multiple of them , currently in Ohio . I love the Midwest and in my limited free time I enjoy reading , I enjoy gardening , I love to cook and bake and I am very passionate about hosting people in our home .
Allison WeeksThat's something I do frequently and often oh great , I can't wait to get to the hospitality section .
Breanna WakefieldYes , awesome .
Allison WeeksAll right , Well good . So okay , let's go back to the beginning . And why don't you tell us when did you first become a homemaker ? And when you did , Did you have any skills ?
Breanna WakefieldYes , so I would say I officially became a homemaker when I got married . We got married when we were 23 . Prior to that I had lived with college roommates , and then I moved in with my parents the year before we got married , because I had some siblings who were a lot younger than me and I just wanted some time with them .
Breanna WakefieldBut , I definitely had skills . My mom was great at teaching us how to take care of all the different elements in the home . So we had a weekly chore rotations where we would draw one hard chore and two easy out of a jar and then we would do those for the week and then we would switch the next week . So I knew how to do the basics of laundry or dusting or cleaning . I think cooking was something that I had always watched . I knew kind of how to do it , but I hadn't ever assumed the full meal planning , prepping , cooking . Our first week of marriage I wasn't going to say this , but it's kind of funny Our first week of marriage I was so excited to have the grocery budget and I spent almost all of it on cheese . And my husband came home and he said oh , he was so sweet , you know . Oh , wow , that's a lot of cheese . And I'm like isn't it great we can have cheese and crackers ?
Breanna WakefieldSo I got a lot better at that I learned . I learned that very quickly , but yes , that was probably the the task I needed the most practice in . That's so funny , I know . Oh , my gosh .
Allison WeeksOkay , have a . I have a couple of questions . Okay , all right , I want to . I want to talk more about the cheese , but let's back up . And I love your mom's system of rotating with what you , because so every week you she had a list of chores hard chores , easy chores and then you would , each of you would pick one hard and two easy and those were your chores for the week .
Breanna WakefieldYes , they were color coded . So there was a . It was like a glass jar and the hard chores were written on the back of a red envelope and the easy ones were on a yellow envelope . So a hard chore might be clean the entire bathroom , like you need to and she would . She would teach you how to do it the first time , right , and then she'd come in at the end and kind of show you like , oh yeah , you did a really great job on the counter . But like , make sure you go all the way to the corner with the rag , or , yes , you index the mirror , but here's how you really get the spots off . And then an easy chore might be like dust the we all wanted dusting because it was like there wasn't a lot to dust . So that was like if you got dusting for the week , that was the best .
Allison WeeksThat was great . Yeah , cool , okay . Yes , I was wondering what were some examples , so that's really good . Are you going to ? Are you implementing , thinking about implementing that in your ?
Breanna Wakefieldhousehold . I think it was really helpful . I think because , you know , it didn't make any of us feel like one of the four of us had to carry all of the weight Probably my brother , who's closer in age to me . We maybe did more of the cleaning of the bathrooms initially , but once the younger ones were older , we were able to all share that . So I think it's a good system .
Allison WeeksYeah , it's a really good system .
Breanna WakefieldAnd then we would get paid half our age for our chores . So we didn't have allowance but you would get half of your age . So that was kind of yeah , it was , so it was easy and probably vacuuming looked better from a 12 year old than an eight year old . So we need a little bit more money for our vacuuming that week .
Allison WeeksYeah , good system . I like that a lot . Okay , and so I'm assuming cooking is the thing you had the steepest learning curve for or I don't think it was the steepest learning curve , because I enjoyed it .
Breanna WakefieldI think this , I think it became my hobby that coincided with my first year of full time teaching .
Breanna WakefieldI had taught part time there before , so I would get home two hours before my husband and I would just open up , you know , a cookbook that we got for our wedding and I would just try something probably way too complicated , but I loved it and it would just transition my mind from everything that had gone on at work that day to my husband's going to be home . We're going to have this evening together . We're going to share this meal . I think the steepest learning curve was putting all the pieces together . I think the time management is what I've heard a lot of people label that as , but I think even more than that , finding systems that work when life changes , because that happens a lot , and at least for me . We've been married for seven years but we have had five different homes during that time , so I have had to change my systems quite frequently and relearn that in a new space or with a new child or in a new state . So I think that's always been the hardest learning curve and .
Breanna WakefieldI've had to learn it a lot . Often yes Every time , I think it's hard .
Allison WeeksBut yeah , I mean I think you're gonna . Well , no , I don't think I know you will have to continue to do that . Yes , but I think your adaptability improves . You know the way that you're able to . It's not quite so painful .
Breanna WakefieldYes .
Allison WeeksEvery time there's a change and then you have to adapt your systems or start over and create new systems . That muscle , the more you use it , it just it becomes stronger and I think it's a little less painful to do the shifting and changing .
Breanna WakefieldYes , I think that is true , but I'm hoping it does continue to get easier . Yes , because it is cyclical . I do think it's gonna come back .
Allison WeeksOh yeah , for sure . Well , so who or what has had the most influence on your homemaking ? What did you say ?
Breanna WakefieldI think my mom probably just had the greatest years of impact . She was passionate about keeping her home . She was proud of her home . My mom taught us all those skills which we've talked about , but I think beyond that , she was very resourceful . I grew up in a pastor's family . I'm a pastor's kid , and so there were often seasons where we didn't have a lot of resources and my mom could make the smallest thing fun . She could just . She just was so good at using free things in her community or making things stretch , and she was very passionate about teaching us that .
Breanna WakefieldI remember her giving me all her coupons and envelope , her grocery list , and saying this is what the total should be . You try , see if you can match it all up , see if you can find the items . It's okay . If it doesn't work , it might be over , it might be under , but try that . And those were so valuable . That was so valuable for me when we first got married and also we're living on a very limited budget . But my grandmothers were also super influential . I think a lot in my hospitality now we didn't live by them , so we were some of the only grandchildren that got to stay in their home .
Allison WeeksOh , okay .
Breanna WakefieldAnd we would stay for a long time . And one of my grandmas was just the most amazing cook baker like she could make . I remember at Christmas she would make a real gingerbread house with stained glass life windows .
Breanna WakefieldOh , that's like what you would see in a bakery and that would be waiting on the buffet and she had super special china tea cups and we would have special spoons that we used and candlelight teas .
Breanna WakefieldAnd then my other grandma just had this passion for having people in her home and it brought her so much joy to have the whole family over and because I was always there before the holiday would start , I would get to see her make those preparations to have everyone in and she would invite me into that . So she'd be like Brianna , let's go down to the she lived in the woods let's go down to the meadow and we're going to pick a bunch of wildflowers and we're going to make up . Ok , for every single one of your aunts . Do you want to help me ? Or let's go water the flowers , they're beautiful . Or let's arrange the fruit in a star for the 4th of July . And I think they had a lot of special little touches that they would put in their home and I think I'm very similar to that in my own home when people stay or visit .
Allison WeeksThat's so , that's so cool . I mean , you remember a lot of that was very impactful . You're very observant , you were an observant kid .
Breanna WakefieldI was , I think I think I'm very . I don't know if you've taken the strength finders test , but one of my top strengths is ideation , and so I love gathering ideas and I think as a kid I was that way to just enjoyed , enjoyed seeing how people did things and thinking about what that might look like In my own , in my own home . I don't know that I realized I was doing that till . I had my own home .
Allison WeeksRight .
Breanna WakefieldBut that was so consistent in their practice that it was always how it was to visit them , so it left a deep impression .
Allison WeeksOh , that's such a great testimony , not only to your grandmothers , but just to the power of homemaking To make an impression and impact somebody's life for the rest of their life .
Breanna WakefieldSo oh yeah , for sure .
Allison WeeksThat's
great . Let's talk about expectations . What are some things that surprised you about homemaking Things , good or bad , just what ? What did you not expect ?
Breanna WakefieldI think something I didn't expect is that the why of what you're doing is almost more important than the how . So I think that I I think I knew how to do a lot of things . I think when all of a sudden , all those things become your responsibility , I definitely felt that word drudgery that you use a lot , and I think where it changes to a feeling of dignity is when you step back and go . Why am I doing this ? You know why ? Why there are always dishes to wash , there's always laundry to do , there's always a mess , especially with two toddlers . I mean , it is , it is constant . Sometimes you go what ? What is the point of picking this up ? It's going to come right off the shelf .
Breanna WakefieldBut I think for me , the thing I didn't expect is that when that drudgery really rubbed up against my personality and I started to hate it , like I have to do the dishes again tomorrow , oh , the way that I think the Lord changed my heart was helping me with some of those why questions . You know , and I don't love doing the dishes Anyone who knows me well knows that about me but I do them because it feels nice to have a clean home at the end of the day and it's special to eat on nice plates . And when someone comes into the home randomly unexpectedly during the day , I want to be ready for them . So I think I didn't expect that it wasn't going to just be . Oh , I get married and I have home and I just magically love doing everything . I think I think it was a hard reality check that maybe my heart and my own selfishness needed to be really addressed through the monotony of some of those tasks , making maybe love more of an action than a feeling .
Allison WeeksI think yeah , that's a good way to put it .
Breanna WakefieldThat's not original . No , I read that somewhere .
Allison WeeksI know , but it's good to think of that in the context of what we're talking about Love being an action , and that means washing the dishes for the fifth time today .
Breanna WakefieldYes , exactly .
Allison WeeksThat's a good perspective . Well , how about an expectation that you had to release , something that , whether it might have been a good expectation , but you've just had to put it in the ground and bury it ?
Breanna WakefieldI think that it's not always going to be what you want it to be right away . I think that I do have very strong memories of visiting family or growing up or even visiting friends' houses . In my mind it's like oh , it was always clean and it was always beautiful and the food was always hot and ready . In this season I've had to really go . Was it always that way , or was I just nine ? I didn't see the time that they had to work through that .
Breanna WakefieldI've actually gone back to some of those women and said was your house always clean ? And they're like oh , no , no , no , you should have seen when we had little ones . But I think I am the type of person who likes to quickly finish something and it is hard when you can spend all day trying to accomplish a task like folding laundry and at the end of the day it's like there really were 10 valid reasons that this did not get done and it's still here and it will get done and being OK with that . So I think I've had to let go of interruptions and things taking longer being OK for the well-being of my family . So I'm not frustrated at them when they have legitimate needs that are more important than maybe the task list that I had set out for the day .
Allison WeeksWell , that goes back to what you said and , answering the first question , that the why is more important than the how , and to me how quickly it gets done falls under the category of how . Yes , exactly .
Breanna WakefieldAnd there are ways to make that faster , and I think it's hard to always know . Is this just I need to reorganize how I'm approaching this or where I'm putting it in the day , or is this a season where there just are a lot of interruptions and it's not always going to be that way ?
Allison WeeksRight right , that's a good exercise to ask those questions and decide is there anything I can do about this , or is this more of a matter of acceptance ? That's really good . Well , let's move on and talk about
those lovely children . That are not interruptions , those are opportunities . That's how I like to think about it . So we'll talk about how parenting has affected your , your home making . How , how would you say , that bringing your children into the home has challenged which we've already touched on a bit but challenged and enriched your home making ?
Breanna WakefieldI think I want to start with enriched . I think that they are just almost like these little . Just when I think about them , I think of the word just wonder . You know they're these little wonders like they , getting to see them experience everything for the first time .
Breanna WakefieldMy daughter the other day we were out on our front porch and she had never seen a gigantic grasshopper and it just happened to be right there on the on the trim piece and she watched that and watched it hop and fly and tried to catch it for five minutes and I thought I don't know the last time I spent five minutes just just watching it , watching a grasshopper and , I think , just slowing down and getting to see the world through their eyes and also just the ways that they they humble you . My son is , I think , kind of abnormally communicative for his age . He's very verbal and he can express a lot of deep thoughts for a three-year-old . And the other day I had gotten frustrated with him and I said you know , buddy , I'm sorry , mommy was frustrated with you . I should have talked to you that way , will you forgive me ? And he was like , oh , it's okay , mommy , you just turned like your frustration into meanness , because we talk about that a lot with him , like you're frustrated but you're being mean , or yourself but you're being mean . And he turned it around and used that language on me and it was so convicting in my own heart of , oh Lord , like you are working and you are teaching him .
Breanna WakefieldBut yeah , I needed that reminder too . I don't have this all figured out . So they , they're a joy , they're a lot of energy and time , but they are very precious and I think , in terms of the challenges do you want me to go into that yeah , my expectation , I think , when we had kids was like , okay , we're ready to have kids , we will get pregnant and we will , you know , have this baby and I'm going to just hold them right away . And I've spent so much time with kids I was a teacher , I was certified K-12 . I was a nanny before I was a teacher .
Breanna WakefieldLike , I am ready for this , I have got this , and I think that our whole journey with our children actually coming into the world just really was a lesson in how little they are ours and how much they belong to the Lord . I had always struggled physically and wondered if I had endometriosis and prior to my son being born , I actually had surgery to find out if I did and I was confirmed with that diagnosis , which can impact your fertility in a lot of ways . And so , after they do some of the different procedures to remove it , they kind of tell you okay , you have six months to get pregnant and then , it might regrow and it could be in a different place where you could lose an over year .
Breanna WakefieldYou could have just some challenges to your fertility and fortunately where mine was did not cause complications with my fertility . We were able to get pregnant with my son but very quickly in the start of the second trimester I started to have some bleeding with him .
Breanna WakefieldAnd it was a result of something that can be can end a pregnancy or it can exist like your whole pregnancy and nothing will happen to the baby and it's just a wait and see . In the case of my son , I stopped bleeding , but I had regular ultrasounds where I had to see that that thing was still there until he was born .
Breanna WakefieldSo it was this challenge of wanting to feel joyful but also feeling very afraid of is this life going to make it .
Breanna WakefieldIt was also 2020 , in the very beginning of the pandemic , and so I think that that fear of something happening to my pregnancy caused me to be very isolated from my community and when he was born , my one goal had been okay , I'm gonna isolate so that when he is born , I will hold him . And when I held him , he was immediately rushed to the NICU within five minutes and I didn't know for about 40 minutes if he was okay , if he was alive , what was wrong . I was just kind of left there in the delivery room , kind of stitched up , and my husband was gone with him and I didn't know if my baby was okay or where my baby was and he had some normal breathing complications that resolved after about 13 days . But it was a terrifying introduction to see your child for the first time on feeding tubes and breathing tubes and all kinds of IVs and not be able to hold them , and it really stoked , maybe , some of that fear .
Breanna WakefieldI already was having , and so that was a process for me of really realizing that I wasn't in control . And soon after that I was diagnosed with postpartum depression and anxiety and went through a long , almost year , of counseling and medication to just work through some of what had happened . A lot of it was working through how my expectations had maybe hurt some of that reality . So when I got pregnant with my daughter , I thought , oh okay , new pregnancy or through some of the more intense COVID years . We were living in a different state at the time . I had different doctors , we had moved , far from family , but I was feeling really good .
Breanna WakefieldAnd nine weeks into my pregnancy I started bleeding and it was so much that when I described to the doctor they said I really think you're having a miscarriage . The hospitals are so overrun right now , why don't you stay home and we'll see on Monday if there's anything we need to do . And that Monday we went in fully expecting , after four days of intense bleeding , to not see anything . And her heart was beating and we had just had an ultrasound the week before . So there was only ever one baby .
Breanna WakefieldAnd she made it and she had the same thing that my son did in the pregnancy we had the same complication that caused the bleeding , but hers resolved during the pregnancy and I was able to have a much more peaceful second half . But then the same thing 12 hours after she was born had very serious breathing complications that sent her to the NICU , and so that was hard . It was totally unexpected . They were both full term pregnancies . There were no indications of that , so I think that maybe were just some special health challenges I had to deal with with both of them , of just seeing how fragile life was so well , you're also just trying to be a new , brand new mom .
Allison WeeksYeah , so that's hard enough , and then layer all of this other stuff on top of it .
Breanna WakefieldDid you ?
Allison Weekshave postpartum depression with your daughter as well , or just with your son .
Breanna WakefieldBut it didn't appear as early with my son .
Breanna WakefieldSomething that I didn't know is that you can have that while you're pregnant .
Breanna WakefieldSo even though they were filling out the questionnaires , I think that I thought what I was feeling was just normal consequences of being pregnant in a pandemic where , really , having experienced it twice now , I can go back with my son's pregnancy and say , no , that probably started around month six .
Breanna WakefieldWith my daughter , I didn't at first have any symptoms of postpartum depression , but nursing wasn't going well and I had to make a decision about six weeks after she was born to switch to bottle feeding her . She had a milk allergy and there were some other problems with her latching , and so I weaned her way too quickly , just like in a week , tried to cut my supply and that caused a huge hormonal imbalance . That definitely brought that postpartum depression forward very quickly and I knew what it was . So I gave it about two weeks and was like , no , this is different than being sad or being stressed For me . I felt very hopeless in a season where my normal would have been very joyful , and so I went to my OB right away and did get on medication quickly , and that was very helpful for me , I think , a lot of people can feel afraid of that because it's vulnerable .
Breanna WakefieldIt's hard to go in in this season when you do not want that to happen to you and you're very happy to have this new child , but sometimes at least in my case I needed a little extra help .
Allison WeeksYeah , no , I can relate , I did as well .
Breanna WakefieldYes , yes .
Allison WeeksA lot of times , what I tell people is the medication . At least , this was my experience with postpartum depression and anxiety , which they're like cousins or like step brothers .
Breanna WakefieldI mean they go off and go hand in hand .
Allison WeeksAnd so it was so bad that the coping mechanisms that I would learn with a counselor and a Christian counselor who was going to use scripture to help me , all of those things I had to get to a baseline level where I could even use those tools effectively . And that was where medication brought me up , like , say , if I was way down here , real low , where I needed the medication just to stabilize me I guess maybe that's the best word because I was so unstable and then from that point of being stabilized , then I was able to do the hard work with my counselor to use scripture to transform my mind and help me figure out what lies I was believing and all of that kind of stuff , and eventually I was able to get off of the medication because I had the coping skills that I needed to be able to not just function but to thrive . So that's my experience .
Breanna WakefieldI would 100% agree with that . I think just getting an ability to be able to breathe again and slow your thoughts down and be able to discern this is something I'm actually thinking and this is just something very out of left field .
Allison WeeksYes .
Breanna WakefieldIs from that depression or that anxiety . And , yes , medication was very helpful for me with that process too . And then combining it with counseling , I think the second time I had so much and so many of those tools from my son that once the medication started working with my daughter it was like , okay , now I have the tools and now I can start building on them and getting back to a place of health .
Allison WeeksYes , and that's so helpful because when you're in it you feel like I would describe it you feel like you're in a tunnel and you can't see any way out , Like you can't see a light , you cannot see it . So when you've been there before , you can start to recognize when you can see little bits of light ahead , and that is so helpful . And then it's also helpful to ask your husband . So , like my husband , he's also had some issues . He struggled with some depression , anxiety . So we were speaking the same language Thankfully , praise the Lord , not ever at the same time but to have him tell me truth and tell me that I will eventually come out of this tunnel . Because that's what's really hard is , when you're in that place you think I am never gonna get out of this .
Allison WeeksI'm never gonna see the other side of this and to have someone who you trust tell you yes , you will . I know it doesn't feel like it right now , but you will come out the other side .
Breanna WakefieldAnd my husband was a huge catalyst for me as well , I think , just recognizing I almost needed someone to tell me this is not you Cause I felt so guilty . Here I am with this beautiful child who made it through this terrible , scary pregnancy and the NICU and they are just looking at me and smiling and I am their whole world and I'm feeling just totally not what I expected to feel in this season .
Breanna WakefieldAnd having that person who knows you the best and so intimately when he would just say to me honey , this is not you . And in a lot of ways that helped me get help the first time to realize , oh , he's right .
Breanna WakefieldLike this is not me , and it helped me have grace with myself to say I still do have joy in this season and I still do love this new baby and I just need help getting to a baseline again .
Breanna WakefieldMy counselor had me with my son right out at the end of our whole months of sessions together , right out just my birth story with him . But she was like but the lens I want you to look at it through is like , how was God merciful to you ? And that was really a hard and good question , but it took a lot of . I couldn't even have answered that without going on medication or without the months of work that had happened before that . And now I look back and I go . I felt alone or I felt scared or I felt hopeless . But you were there , lord , and I hope that my kids , when they're older , if my son's wife or if my daughter ever goes through that same experience , that that can be something that hopefully they can know , like that their mom did go through that , but that God was merciful to me in delivering me out of it now yes , yeah , that is a great question to ask , very , very good .
Allison WeeksWell , thank you for sharing so much about that . I think it's something that we just we need to talk more about it . Yeah , because it's so scary when you're in it . It is , it's very scary , and I hope that people , whoever's listening , if you're struggling with this , please know , like you just said , it's not you and you need to seek some help and you will come out the other side with the right help .
Breanna WakefieldAnd asking for help isn't a bad thing . No , we all need help , and maybe that feels like the help you never wanted to need but , it's okay to need it to get back to who you wanna be .
Allison WeeksRight , right . So how do you encourage your kids now that you've come out of all of that ? Yes , they're older . Now You've got this very active three-year-old boy , I'm sure , and you've got a little toddling one-year-old girl . So how , in their little ways , do you allow them to contribute to the home making ?
Breanna WakefieldWell , I think that it's really important when I ask myself those whys of my own home you know , why am I doing this ? But also , I think sometimes I've asked myself the question of , like , why do I want my children to remember ? What do I want them to feel around these tasks ? You know , are they things that mom is doing from a joyful heart or from a frustrated heart ? And so I try to explain to them the purpose of what we're doing in very simple ways . So if they're playing upstairs and I'm folding laundry on the couch , it might be oh yep , mommy's doing laundry and I'm just gonna fold this pile really quick , because isn't it so nice that we have clean clothes to wear . Like , what a blessing that we have clean clothes and we can do laundry . And my son thinks it's so fun to put the hangers in the shirt . So it takes triple the time , but I will hold open the shirt collars for him , and he is just so proud that he can get the hanger in the collar . And sometimes it doesn't go the right way .
Breanna WakefieldAnd that's okay , like it's gonna get in a closet . We're gonna wear it again , but I try to invite them . My daughter's a little little still , but my son , if he shows interest in something , I really celebrate that . So he loves to cook and he I . Literally if I get open a drawer in the kitchen he hears it from wherever he is in the house and he will come running . He comes running , he comes running and he pushes his little chair up and it's . Can I help mom ? So I try to pick recipes during the week when my husband is working that I actually can let him help with . That aren't going to be frustrating to me To like they're not complicated . So during the week it's things he can help with . On the weekend it's more complicated . I can do it by myself . He also thinks that the spin mop is the coolest thing . He loves pushing the pedal and we got him the little Melissa and Doug like wooden cleaning tools .
Breanna WakefieldThat are all kids size , so he dips his little mop in there and he spins it and he mobs the floor . So I try I . You know I'm like you know what . I can always get the spot later , but if he's excited about it I'm going to encourage that .
Allison WeeksAbsolutely , absolutely . Oh , that's so great . Okay , we're going to jump ahead and talk about a little bit about priorities
. I would love to know one or two practical steps that you take to help you set and keep your priorities in the right order . Mm-hmm .
Breanna WakefieldSo I think , with my faith , I had to find kind of the right time of the day . I think I thought , oh , you have to get up at the morning and do a quiet time , but for me it's really the evening , after the house is calmed , after everyone is in bed , and I have an unlimited time to read something . So during the day , I would say , begin most mornings , a lot of mornings . I'll say to my husband could you get up and get you know whichever child woke up first ? And I will , can I just have five minutes ? And I'll take that five minutes to just lay in my bed and think about the day and I'll pray and I'll just invite the Lord into the things that I'm worried about , the things I feel overwhelmed by . I try to take time in the morning to think about my responses to my kids , maybe what didn't go as well the day before , how I want to be better at discipling them today and inviting the Lord into that , and it's just a constant conversation .
Breanna WakefieldI think , prayer doesn't have to be a formal time , it can be something that's going on throughout the day and I really enjoy there's these songs that are made around the catechism , like just the basic tendons of the faith that were written for children , and so we play those during the day and I just find that God can minister to a mom's heart in the simple Bible stories in the children's Bible that you're reading , or explaining gospel truths for the first time in a very long time , in the first time in a very simple way . That's actually a hard theological exercise .
Allison WeeksIt is very hard , it is very hard , and it is stretching .
Breanna WakefieldSo that's how I prioritize my faith , I think , probably of the other priorities that were listed , I think my marriage is something that I feel like is really a huge priority for my husband and I . We live far from all our families , so we spent five years living near my parents and then moved out to Ohio for a new position for my husband and his job , so we're four hours from his parents and 12 hours from mine . We have no siblings that live in the area , and I think it's our teamwork is probably one of the things that's the most important to our whole household thriving , and when we make time for our marriage , everyone in the house does better . So , yeah , some of the ways we do that is we try to have a real conversation once a day . You know where we are looking at each other , where there are no distractions . Sometimes it's 10 minutes and sometimes it ends up being two hours , but we try to just talk to each other .
Breanna WakefieldWe also frequently send each other podcasts or books or articles that we can discuss later and that just enriches our conversation . And then we do a lot about home date nights and then we bring back like some appetizers or dessert and then we make them all after the kids go to bed and that's one of our favorite days , that is fun .
Allison WeeksIt's always a surprise , Is it always ? Is it cheese ? Are you bringing home cheese ?
Breanna WakefieldI am always bringing home cheese , yes , but I . But now he has a much stronger palate for cheese . He's very knowledgeable . That's good . Yes , there's always cheese . Yes , that's our requirement .
Allison WeeksThose are some good and very practical suggestions . I love that . I do . We do that too .
Allison WeeksWe are always sending articles and podcasts back and forth to one another and you know talking about that , talking about them later on whenever we both have a chance to listen , and it is great , it's a great way to facilitate discussion and so , especially because I know , like date night rule number one is supposed to be don't talk about the kids , right , and I have to say I mean sometimes you just need to talk about the kids because you've got you've got to talk about some things like , okay , what are we going to ? Especially as they get older and you're dealing with bigger , bigger kids bring bigger problems to work through . So we need to have like some strategic time to talk about how are we going to handle this and what do you ? What do you think about that ? So I think it's there's value in discussing the kids , but there's also value in talking about other things , because you won't always have that responsibility when the kids leave and you know you want to make sure you still have things in common .
Breanna WakefieldYeah , we talk about that a lot of . We often say to each other you know , we , this is the relationship that is going to continue after they're gone , and I want to not wake up after our last one is in college and go . What do we like to do together ? You know , like I want to have been doing that all through .
Allison WeeksYes , yeah , throughout this time .
Breanna WakefieldSo I think that's that's good . It is good to hear that there is permission to talk about your kids . It is important you know need to be on the same page , otherwise to them it kind of coming from a high school background yes , of teaching , yes , bigger kids there are bigger . They just have bigger consequences sometimes .
Allison WeeksYes , absolutely so they're problems .
Breanna WakefieldThey can be more permanent decisions . So my husband's always like , okay , when we get to high school , like you're at that , honey , like I am here and I am supporting you , but you love high schoolers so You're the resident expert . Maybe I mean it'll be a lot of years between when I taught to when our kids are in high school , but I do love that age . Oh , that's good , they're really , really special people .
Allison WeeksYeah , I mean it is . It's a fun age if you , if you can have the right perspective , yeah Well , how about media in your household ? How do you manage media exposure for yourself , for your kids ?
Breanna WakefieldSpecifically social media or all media . Both and you know , in terms of media , I think we my husband and I are the same age , so probably I think when we could , when we were teenagers , there were already was social media . So I maybe am one of the guests on the show who I have had social media since I was a teenager and I grew up when I don't think we knew the effects of it at the time Right .
Breanna WakefieldAnd I was like , well , this is kind of a way to not be socially awkward and connect with your friends .
Breanna WakefieldSo , like you should , you should probably have this and I think , growing up in that with it , as a teenager , as a college student , as a young professional , married , I guess I have a different relationship with it in my 30s than I did in my teens and 20s .
Breanna WakefieldWhen it comes to social media , I think one of the biggest challenges is that , because of the algorithms , you are often fed content from people that are in your same life stage or have your same interests or your same opinions on things , and I feel like there's a lot of wisdom and surrounding yourself with people who are older than you or people who have a different life perspective , and so for my own kids , I think it will be very challenging to convince me that that's something they should have when they're teenagers , and I think in my own life because that is my hope for them to have that as delayed as possible . I try to not be on it in front of them . I know that I do not like to have the apps on my phone . There are times where if I feel like I've been on it a lot , or sometimes it can be an escape . You know like , yeah , I get all these beautiful happy things while I'm like do not want to go sweep the floor .
Breanna WakefieldThis sounds much more enticing and enjoyable , so I sometimes will even set it as a restricted website on my phone where even if I were to try to go there , I can't open it , so it's really something that I just have on my computer on my laptop and I don't access my computer every day , so that helps me set limits In terms of just media .
Breanna WakefieldMy husband is a graphic designer , so computers and he's a web designer actually , more than anything , that's probably his specialty and he designs his whole job is designing digital products as well . So we we are very accustomed with how the internet and media are a huge tool and can be very helpful . But I think we have the discussion a lot as a couple about what are we giving our children when we let them watch a show . They do watch a show , maybe like once one 30 minute show or one 20 minute show , but that we want to teach them that you need to have limits on some of those things and that tools are good and bad , so you need to know the purpose of using them . So that's a frequent discussion that we have between ourselves .
Breanna WakefieldI don't know exactly how that's going to play out when they're older . I think it has to be a balance , but maybe we're a little more restrictive than some parents on on media especially , I think .
Allison WeeksI think you're not unusual for your generation because you grew up with it and you're , you've sort of been , you were sort of the guinea pig generation actually , and I just I think you guys are way more cautious about that when it comes to your own kids .
Breanna WakefieldYeah and I don't . I don't share a lot about them either on .
Breanna WakefieldLike if I share something about them is kind of rare , because I I feel like it's also their story and I don't want them to be 10 or 15 or go , mom , like you posted that embarrassing thing about when I was body training and like right , like maybe that was helpful for you to vent . But I try to be really careful of like if I'm going to share something about them , I want it to be something that hopefully , like wasn't embarrassing , wasn't super personal or that when they look back on it later doesn't cause conflict in our relationship .
Allison WeeksThat's why I try to keep that in mind .
Breanna WakefieldThat is very wise , yeah , yeah , I don't think you can't post about them , but I am very careful about what I I post .
Allison WeeksYeah , because things on the internet live forever .
Breanna WakefieldYes .
Allison WeeksAnd there will . They will see that possibly , yeah , so yeah for sure that's good to think about it that way .
Okay we're going to jump ahead a little bit because I want to make sure we get the hospitality . Yes , let's talk about that , because I know this is the passion of yours , as you mentioned in the beginning . I want to hear about how do you show hospitality in your home , making Well I I'm very similar to my grandmothers .
Breanna WakefieldI just love having people in my home , and I think one of the things that I had to get over very quickly is that in different seasons of life , special might not mean that my house is perfectly clean before I have you over or that I bought something expensive to put on the table . So special is more how you feel when you enter the home and you get to be with people that you love , and so there are many times that I have someone over and right before they walked in the door like something got spilled all over the floor and they're walking into into chaos , and I want to let something that happens in everybody's house stop me from opening the door and having a relationship with people .
Breanna WakefieldEverybody has messes in their house , everyone has times where it isn't perfectly put together and everyone has seasons where there's more that you can give and there's less that you can give . So I think when we were first married , I thought that hospitality had to look like okay , I make like three appetizers and I have all these things and my husband's like honey , we , I love you and this is so great , but we can't afford this . And I had to go . Oh , and I remember the first time I put like one thing on the table and friends came in and no one cared , they were happy to be together and they ate whatever it was , and there probably was some leftover and it was fine and it was . So I think I really try to be creative and resourceful , like my mom taught me .
Allison WeeksYeah .
Breanna WakefieldLike when my kids friends come over , I try to pay attention to what they liked to play with the last time they were there , so I'll have that all set up when they first come in . So one of his friends loves trains , so every time he comes in in the morning I will have built a special train track for him and it's something I already have , but it's just , it's special .
Breanna WakefieldI know he's going to feel comfortable coming in and having something he can play with right away . Or I always buy my mother-in-law's favorite coffee creamer when she comes to stay with me . Or I know that sometimes a value for certain guests is like when the floor is vacuumed . So it's like I'm going to vacuum right before they come the guest room . So even though I did it two days ago , like the lines are fresh and they get to feel special . Sometimes it's just little things like that I love , but I love having people over and because we don't live by family , we have quite a lot of house guests . So there are a lot of times that people are from our family , are visiting us from out of town almost once a month A cousin or an aunt and uncle , or it's not even our parents , like our siblings . We almost always have an out of town guest once a month , so I'm constantly turning the house over for that that is a lot .
Allison WeeksYeah , it's a lot , it's a lot .
Breanna WakefieldA lot of washing sheets and towels and yes , I have a lot of extra sets of sheets and towels that if I don't get to all of them , I'm not . I'm not behind , you know to find those things . I have a lot of extras .
Allison WeeksThat's so . That makes me happy to hear that and my mother-in-law , do yourself a favor , get some extras .
Breanna WakefieldAnd my , my mom and my mother-in-law are so sweet whenever they stay , just as like a little they know we have a lot of people stay with us they always do all of the bedding before they leave and like remake the bed , and I just think it's so nice of them , like every time I don't ask them to do it , I never did , they don't know each other does it , but both of them whenever they stay at my house , like I always hear my washing machine go , and then they'll be like as they leave they always say , okay , the bed's all made for you , for your next guest , you know you don't have to do the sheets .
Breanna WakefieldThat's awesome , I know it's . It's really a special unexpected thing when they stay so nice .
Allison WeeksThat is really sweet of them to do that . I I appreciate it when they make the bed , yes , before they leave , just because I may not get to it . And our guest room is right when you walk in that you can see it . And it's on the way to the guest bathroom . So if anybody is visiting for the day or for dinner , you can see right into that guest bedroom . And if I might not get to change those sheets right away , Right when they make the bed before they leave . That's super helpful .
Breanna WakefieldIt's so helpful , but to have them back to back guests , so it's very helpful .
Allison WeeksYeah , to have them change the sheets and put the new ones on , that's just awesome , it's so nice and then with my children .
Breanna WakefieldIt's very important to me that there's a balance between , you know , having a lot of people over I'm an extra red , I like to have people over but also giving them space . This is their home too .
Breanna WakefieldWe need time , that the calendar doesn't have anyone coming for the weekend and time that it's just us . And so one of the things that I started doing with my son is we have a almost daily like tea time together and we have tea and fancy cups . He's the best little three year old at holding fancy cups . We get out the pitcher and the tea pot , all the things , and we have tea or hot chocolate and we read books and we talk , and it's usually while his sister is in a nap , and I think that also just gives me a chance to know his heart , how he's feeling , what he's thinking , as best as he can express it and just show him hospitality . And if we haven't done it , he'll be like Mommy , when are we having tea time ? Like when's when's tea time ? And a neighbor came over the other day and he said they're like oh , I hear some cookies . And he goes oh , no , no , no , that's for tea time . We have to wait . We haven't had tea time today . That's what we have cookies . So no fun .
Allison WeeksOh , that's fun . I love that . That's a really great way to connect with with your son .
Breanna WakefieldYes .
Okay , you have given us some really great ideas on hospitality there , so thank you for that . Yes , I want to hear about your biggest homemaking fail .
Breanna WakefieldOh , it was this year . It was so bad , alison , I had just had our daughter and I had a C section with my daughter , so I had help for a long time , just because I couldn't lift them . So all our parents had left and I was just getting back on my feet to all my own responsibilities and I thought I'm going to make a roast for dinner , like I'm going to make a pot roast and put it in the crock pot overnight . And I took the roast out of the fridge and it just hadn't fully thawed to go in the in the crock pot and I thought , okay , I'm going to just start it on the stove and a little bit of broth , just start cooking it . I fell asleep . I fell asleep and I woke up in the middle of the night to just hazy smokey kitchen . Everything smelled like burnt roast . It was so bad . It woke my husband up upstairs and he came downstairs and was like where's the fire ? Oh , no .
Breanna WakefieldAnd I just was . So I've never done that . I've never burnt something to the point that it is literally you had to throw the pan away , Like there was no salvaging any of it . Thankfully , the house didn't burn down , but that was probably my biggest ever fail , just try it .
Allison WeeksOkay . Well , just listen to make you feel a little bit better . I did another interview earlier this morning and so you'll hear this . This is Michelle's . Michelle is laughing right now and she's listening to this because she just told me a story about how she was browning some ground beef and she had read something recently that the ground beef does better if you let it sit , while it kind of just don't bother it , I guess . So it develops a crust , you know , and then stir and brown it . So she was like , okay , I'm gonna let it sit . Well , she walked away from the stove and somebody pulled up to the house . They raised horses and so she needed to go see what the customer needed . And she walked outside and went down to the barn and totally forgot about it , left the ground beef sitting on the stove browning , and when she finally came back an hour later , her husband had just pulled up and there's smoke coming out of the eaves of the house .
Breanna WakefieldAnd the beef was on fire . Like the beef was on fire yeah , thankfully we didn't get to that point , but like it was very close .
Allison WeeksIt was almost there .
Breanna WakefieldSo yes , I understand .
Allison WeeksSo , once again , as I said on Michelle's episode , the lesson here is when you're browning or sauteing something , do not walk away from the stove . Do not walk away stay right there .
Breanna WakefieldDon't do it when you're tired and just had a baby either .
Allison WeeksExactly exactly . Okay , how about a home-making win ? Let's redeem your story here .
Breanna WakefieldOkay , I actually have to think about this one , because so I might need a minute when I had put down . Oh , okay , I remember . Now we have just reached the point where we all eat the same dinner and my daughter just started eating completely solid foods and graduating from formula , and that is like the biggest win . When it's like , okay , we're all at the table at the same time Eating the same thing , that is amazing .
Allison WeeksThat's a big win . It's a big win , congratulations , thank you . Okay , tell me a home-making product or resource that you're loving right now .
Breanna WakefieldThe pancake batter dispenser .
Allison WeeksOoh , I don't have one of those . You like it ?
Breanna WakefieldI love it . It is just a little dispenser . You can get it on Amazon and you fill it with your batter and then you squeeze it and it makes perfect circles and it stops the batter right , Like as soon as you squeeze it stops it . So you don't get all the drippy pancake batter everywhere , and I even tried it with cupcakes and it worked .
Breanna WakefieldJust to get like I think if your batter was too fluffy , you know , probably wouldn't seep through as quickly , but if you were impatient and didn't have the fluffy cupcake batter , it probably would work for that too .
Allison WeeksIs it easy to clean ?
Breanna WakefieldSo a dishwasher , oh bonus , and it has two parts . You just take the lid off , put it in the dishwasher . Done , love it . It's amazing .
Allison WeeksOkay , that's a good one . All right , how about your favorite home-making hack or tip ?
Breanna WakefieldI really like doing a toy rotation with my kids toys so I do not have all of their toys out in the house at the same time and it is so helpful because they know where things go . And then about every month I change the toys out . So I keep toys in the basement that I then bring up or about every month . So some of them are seasonal , like maybe there's like ones that are more Christmas related , or so I always try to have a puzzle or I always try to have something musical or something open ended , like magnet tiles . But I might not have magnet tiles and lego's out on the same floor at the same time , so it's less to clean and it keeps it fresh for them .
Allison WeeksThat is a great tip . I love that , and they have not figured out yet that there are extra toys in the basement .
Breanna WakefieldThat they do know that . My son figured that out and he calls it shopping . He'll say , mommy , can we go shopping in the basement ? Oh , I'm going to go shopping for another toy and I'm not like a stickler on it , like , if he's like , I really miss that dump truck . You know , I don't always realize they had such a strong connection .
Allison WeeksLike favorite , it's one object that .
Breanna WakefieldSo it's fine , but I do try to keep it under control . And then in the basement we keep some of the toys out down there , so it's just another space that we can play . But one of the ways they don't see all the toys is I have a shelf with just some tote bins .
Allison WeeksAnd I can't see what's in there . So that helps .
Breanna WakefieldThere's some out down there , but not all they're not all visible . Yeah , that's a good that's a good tip .
Allison WeeksAll right , tell me what is your signature dish .
Breanna WakefieldI had to ask my family for this and my sister-in-law was like I think it's your buttercream frosting . Oh , and it is an adapted recipe .
Breanna WakefieldIt wasn't originally mine but I tweaked it a little bit . But I started making that for her . It was for her baby shower and it just became like the favorite family frosting , to the point that , like , if someone makes cupcakes , it is like , is this Brianna's frosting ? If it's not , like I'm going to eat more dinner because I want to save room for , like , if it's Brianna's , I'm going to eat two cupcakes . So now that is the frosting that is made for , like any family celebration if I'm in town , or what I do for all my kids' cakes . And it's really easy . It's such an easy thing .
Allison WeeksIs it like a standard American buttercream ?
Breanna WakefieldYeah , it's just a vanilla buttercream , but I think that what maybe makes it special is that I put in a little bit of extra vanilla and I use salted butter so that it cuts a little bit of the powdered sugar , it's not so sweet yeah . Yeah , it's sweet , but there's definitely the little salt that cuts through .
Allison WeeksI like that . I like that .
Breanna WakefieldThat's probably the most requested thing in family gatherings .
Allison WeeksWell , maybe you can share that with us . Sure , even though it's a tweaked recipe , it's always good to have like amounts , so we can make sure we're getting it right ?
Breanna WakefieldYes , yes , and I do . I have figured out the exact way that I make it every time , so oh good .
Allison WeeksBecause , I don't have so many of my recipes I'm like . My kids ask me like I don't know , Come over and watch me make it and take notes , because I have no idea . I had to write it down because it you know when I tweaked it .
Breanna WakefieldI've tried . I've made it many , many , many times and it's like exactly the right ratio now . So Awesome . I can give that to you .
Allison WeeksOkay , great ,
let's talk about the art of home , and I'd love to know how you see homemaking as an art and where are you finding beauty in your homemaking ?
Breanna WakefieldWell , I think , being married to an artist , my husband also dabbles in fine art . He's quite a good painter and photographer and so we spent a lot of time in art museums . That was something we both enjoyed before we were married . But I think when you walk into a museum , if you've been in enough of them or you've studied art , it becomes very apparent when you are in front of a masterpiece and when you know you know this is a Monet or this is a Picasso , like it's very specific styles , and I think that when you walk into someone's home , it's a very similar thing .
Breanna WakefieldYou know , when I walk into my mom's house , it is her house and I couldn't always put into words why I would know that room my mom designed versus this one her friend designed . Or that dinner was something that was so special because this person made it , and this is how they always have dinner at their home and what I feel when I leave . And so I think that it's so personal and it's so informed by your struggles and your limitations and also your gifts and your talents , and it's this beautiful mix of growing . It's always something that's growing and progressing .
Breanna WakefieldYou have kind of your early works as a homemaker that then get better with time , maybe some that you would like to throw away , but I think it's something . It's always growing and it's always getting more beautiful . And I think that's hard to see when you're in progress , maybe especially when you're in like that very early homemaking season , unless you just naturally look like are so good at it right away . But even in my season , like I have to remind myself , like yes , I don't have things on every wall , but that's because it's really important to me what hangs on them and it takes me time to pick that out or save for it or , you know , make it . So I think I think just the ongoing progress for me is maybe the art piece I don't know- yeah , that's a great answer .
Breanna WakefieldOkay , that's good .
Allison WeeksYes , absolutely so . What's something about homemaking that you're thankful for ?
Breanna WakefieldI'm thankful that it's a slow build . I think that where I used to hate that , where I used to just get so frustrated like I still haven't found my system for laundry , I think now I see the beauty in how we are being formed more and more into the image of Christ , into the image of our Creator and he is a creative God and the ability to reflect his image in what we are making with our own hands , whether that's , you know , dinner , or whether that's a hug and creating a deeper relationship with your child , or reading a book , or . I'm thankful that it's something that's always growing and that there's always room to say that didn't work . I can change it , like I'm not okay , that did not work , like move on , try something different , and there's so many options to choose from . So I think that the in progress and the creativity are things I'm very thankful for now .
Allison WeeksYeah , that's a good perspective . Let's end our time talking to the other women . You're right in the middle , so we're going to talk to the older ladies and we're going to talk to the younger ladies . Let's talk to the older ladies first . What would you like them to know about your experience as a homemaker that would help them know how to come alongside you and help you and encourage you .
Breanna WakefieldI thought I'd start that question with some things some older ladies have done for me . Sure , that I have found really helpful . Yeah , yeah , I have been blessed with the most amazing neighbors . One in front of me was about 10 years ahead of me and one to the side is about 20 years ahead of me and , by God's provision , in moving to a state where I knew nobody , he put two Christian women on either side of me who have often taken time to say oh , I remember that , I remember that season , I remember what that felt like and have looked for really practical ways to just bless me . So one of them will just show up randomly Like I made you dinner . Here's a lasagna , you can eat it or you can freeze it , but like it's done . And there's salad and bread and I didn't ask for it . I wasn't necessarily having a hard week , but just being seen by someone who remembers so well just those little years and who took the time to make you dinner .
Breanna WakefieldAnd my other neighbor knows that I have a lot of company come and she is a very gifted cleaner and she actually owned her own cleaning business and she just loves to come and see my kids and hold them and keep me company sometimes during the day . And she came over on one particular day and I had some people staying and I was really behind and she said would it be all right with you if I , if I help you clean your kitchen today ? And she just took the time to like do all the things I would not have gotten to , like wipe down my cabinets and get like all the little grooves in the tile of where sauce had splashed . And it just meant so much to me because she has been in my home . She's one of those people . Both my neighbors have seen my home a complete disaster and a beautiful like masterpiece . They've seen all of it . They live right next to me and they just humbly enter into my season , not from a place of judgment or wow , bri , and I can't believe like you've had pasta sauce on your cabinet for five weeks Like it was very much from a place of like I know some people are coming to visit you and that if you had the time you would hit that pasta sauce . So like I do have the time and I'm going to meet that for you .
Breanna WakefieldSo I think those are just some practical things people in my life that are older than me have done and I think on a on a deeper level , I think that women in my generation are inundated with so much information about every choice we could make in a day .
Breanna WakefieldThere are just so many tips and so many ideas . And what I just find so helpful is when older women will , when I may be spinning and oh , should I send them to the school or should I do this at home or when they stop me and have said and I've had multiple older women do this , family members , friends and say , like you know , I remember when I was making that decision and it was really hard and this is how God met me in the process , and they didn't necessarily prescribe what I should do , like they didn't add five more ideas to my already swirling menagerie , but they said like God's going to be there and he's going to meet you in that season , and this is how he met me . And if you want to talk about practically what that looked like , I'm here for you , but know that I'm praying for you . I just find those conversations to be just ones I replay over and over again .
Allison WeeksYeah , that's great . How about the younger women ? What would you say to them ? Maybe some advice , some encouragement , a warning ? How would you ? What would you say ?
Breanna WakefieldI think that in all the seasons of life that are ahead of you , you probably have some expectations of what they're going to be like , just like when I shared my story of I thought I would hold my son after he was born for an hour and he was gone . And I think what I find very valuable is maybe writing those down and going when I get married or when I have my own house or when I have a child . This is what I think it's going to be like . And looking at that list and going maybe , maybe that will happen and it would be awesome if it does . I hope that some of those dreams happen for you , but asking God to help you be okay if they don't to help you to see that maybe he's doing a different work in you , that maybe he has a different plan than you had , and to realize that life is much more fluid than fixed . It's going to change , it's going to you're going to ride mountaintops and you're going to hit deep valleys and if you haven't had that yet , they are coming .
Breanna WakefieldBut just like my counselor said , he will be merciful and he will be with you . So maybe checking those expectations before the season is upon you , I think , would have made some of those a lot easier transitions for me .
Allison WeeksYes , life is a lot more fluid than fixed . I like that so much that is very true , Very true Well it is Brianna . Thank you so much for being here and sharing your story . Yes , it was such a joy to get to spend some time with you and hear your story of home , and I can't wait to share it with everybody .
Breanna WakefieldOh , I hope it is helpful and a blessing to some other people and makes it a little bit easier for them . Hold on .
Allison WeeksYes , I'm sure it will be Okay . Thanks .
Breanna WakefieldThank you .
Thank you so much for listening to this in the trenches . Homemade portrait of Brianna Wakefield . I hope it's been inspiring and encouraging for you today and I hope you found some things , some little nugget or idea that you can take right now and apply in your practice of the art of home . Don't forget to sign up for our newsletter , homemaker Happy Mail , if you are not already signed up , because that's where you're going to get the top takeaways from today's conversation with Brianna , including her recipe for her famous buttercream frosting and the resources and tips and ideas that she shared with us . That's also how you get your hands on the newsletters that go along with our holiday homemaking episodes that are going to be coming up later at the end of this month . So if you want to subscribe to this free newsletter , just go to theartofhomepodcastcomcom .
Allison WeeksIf you have found value in today's episode , you can say thanks in a couple of different ways . First of all , please share this episode with someone that you know who could use this kind of encouraging content . Maybe it's your sister , maybe it's your next door neighbor , maybe it's your mom . Anybody who you think would value Brianna's story and value the kinds of content that we are creating here on the art of home . Would you just send this along their way and help us grow organically ? That is just the most important thing you can do . So thank you . Secondly , you can leave us a rating and a review on your podcast listening app . We love five star ratings and we love reviews that talk about what is it that you love about the art of home ? It's encouraging to me personally , but it also is really helpful when people are searching on their podcast app for homemaking podcasts and they come across a list of different ones and I don't know about you , but I tend to scroll down and read the reviews so I can decide if a podcast is something I might want to invest in or not . So it's helpful for those who are searching and it does encourage me to see your reviews for the show . So thank you for that . And then finally , if you would like , you can leave us a tip in our virtual tip jar . Buy me a coffee . Tips are given in five dollar increments and you can give one , two , three , four , five , ten , as many as you would like or as few as you would like . I appreciate all of it , and any of our tips that we receive go straight towards offsetting the cost of production for this podcast and all of the resources that we have available for free to listeners . So thank you very much for your support in any and all fashion . You can leave us a tip at buy me a coffee . Dot com slash the art of home . You can also go to our support page on the website and it'll tell you in detail all of the different ways that you can support the show by sharing or by reviewing or by giving Go to the art of home podcast , dot com slash support .
Allison WeeksWell , that is all for this week's episode . I'm going to be back next week . I know this is episode six and you might be thinking , oh wait , we only ever do six episodes in a season , but if you hadn't been in tuned in for a while , I'm calling this season 16 plus because you're getting eight episodes this season . So I'll be back next week with episode seven . It's another homemaker portrait of a listener just like you . You , until then , keep practicing your art of making a home . Okay , great , all right . So first of all , I would love to know how you and I apologize if you wrote this on your application . I had to go through a lot of applications , so how did you find the podcast ?
Breanna WakefieldWell , I had just moved to Ohio about two years ago and we had moved from where I'd grown up in Minnesota and I was staying at home with my son and I just was lonely . I didn't have a lot of friends yet and I was just looking for ways that I could feel just encouraged in what I was doing . I had transitioned from a lot of years of working as a full time teacher to now having a baby and being at home , and so I literally searched homemaking podcasts and that and yours came up , and I don't remember if it was like in a recommended list , I think it just came up on Apple podcasts and I started listening , I think right at the beginning , because I think there were only a few homemaker portraits and I kept telling people , I kept saying there's just all these dear older Texas women that are just pouring out wisdom to me and encouraging me . And I have not stopped listening and it has just been such an encouragement in this season of making this my full time job .
Allison WeeksOh . I love hearing that . Thank you for sharing that .
Breanna WakefieldI recommend it to everybody that is transitioning , or even my mom . The other day . I was like mom , you have to listen to this podcast . There are all these older women that are going through their kids leaving home or another child getting married , and they're like there's so much wisdom . You got to listen , mom , so getting some , some older listeners for you too .
Allison WeeksOh , that's awesome , Thank you , thank you . Thank you . Well , you're welcome , yeah , and have fun .
Breanna WakefieldThanks . I thank you so much for inviting me to have this opportunity . I , when I saw the application come out , I thought I don't , should I apply for that ? And I thought you know , I just really my daughter is one and my son is three and I just thought , oh , they could have like this snapshot of me at 30 .
Allison WeeksI know , and it's like it makes me cry because , like , that's just so valuable .
Breanna WakefieldYes , I have some of my mother-in-law's writings from when she was the same age as me and I like treasure them . I read them every year , so that's a big reason why I did that . I love it . I love that you recognize that because that's .
Allison WeeksThat was something that I thought about early on , because my so my sister-in-law . I don't know if I've told this story on the podcast before , but my sister-in-law .
Allison Weeksthis is many years ago . She had the foresight to go to her grandmother , my husband's and hers grandmother and just , she took a tape recorder and she sat down with her and she said okay , ma'am , tell me your story . Wow , she recorded her on like one of those little ones that you would , you know back in the day you're maybe too young for that , but anyway , then she brought it home and she transcribed it and typed it up exactly the way that she spoke it , which was very deep south , you know . So it was kind of she tried to get her accent in there and it was and then gave all of us copies .
Allison WeeksOh and I was like that and I treasure that , and so that was a big inspiration for me wanting to do this show . So I thought , even if nobody else really listens , if it doesn't , you know , blow up or grow or anything , I I just feel like it's so valuable for you to have that to give to your children and your grandchildren .
Breanna WakefieldYes , and your great-grandchildren . Thank you , thank you for inviting me to do that , because that is a huge gift that you're giving my family , hopefully it is my pleasure , okay .
Allison WeeksOkay , am I saying your name right ? Is it Brianna or Brianna , or Brianna , brianna , brianna .
Breanna WakefieldBrianna . Yes , my , my dad's name is Brian , so his is with an I . So they made mine with an E so that it would be different from his , and they made it with the Ianna so that it would be just separate from this . I like that , but our names mean the same thing , dude what is it ?
Allison WeeksWhat does it mean ?
Breanna WakefieldIt means strong and each of our first names . I have three siblings , three younger brothers . All our first names are a promise or a prayer our parents had for what our spiritual life would look like , and our middle names are a family name . So my first name is mean strong , because they prayed that I would be strong in my faith , and it's also the same meaning as my dad , which was really special growing up .
Allison WeeksI love that . I love that . That's so great . I love to hear people's name name stories .
Breanna WakefieldYes , Okay , you ready , I'm ready , let's do it All , right , so exciting .