Hello Homemakers , welcome to the Art of Home podcast , where we are exploring how Homemakers cultivate a place to belong . I'm your host , alison Weeks . I am a wife , mom , granny , and I've been practicing the art of home for over 30 years . Happy New Year and welcome to season 18 . I have been off the air for a while , taking a nice long winter break , and I'm so glad I listened to the Holy Spirit prompting me to take all of January off , because I needed it . I ended up with two and a half weeks of sickness , followed by two weeks of terrible weather , so I have had lots of time to spend in my home over the past month . I did a lot of reading , I caught up on my favorite YouTube channels , I puttered around the house on projects and I had the slowest Christmas takedown in the history of my homemaking . Actually , as I'm recording this , there are still several garlands that need to come down , but at least they're pretty neutral . They're evergreen , so I'm not too mad about it . If you're new here , I just want to say a great big welcome and that I'm so glad that you found us here at the Art of Home . We are all about encouraging each other to practice our homemaking as an art , with confidence , skill , joy and creativity . So we do that through Homemaker Portraits , in which I interview women of all ages about their experiences in homemaking , and we do that also through our deep dive episodes where we focus on a particular topic or skill or concept related to homemaking , and we have all of that coming in season 18 . We have Seized in the Trenches and Newby Homemaker Portraits and next week we will be diving deep into how we can respond during emergencies in the home with my friend and former guest , elizabeth Dillard , who is a paramedic firefighter . We also will be resuming our free weekly newsletter , homemaker Happy Mail , coming this Friday . If you are not familiar with our newsletter , it's an additional weekly dose of homemaking encouragement that highlights what's happening on the podcast , as well as any of the resources , including recipes that are shared by that week's podcast guest and additional writing that sometimes will be for me and sometimes from other homemakers . It's totally free to sign up . Just go to the artofhomepodcastcom slash , subscribe and make sure to add us to your trusted contacts so we don't end up in your junk folder .
Speaker 1Well , last fall I started sharing a bit about what's happening in my homemaking at the beginning of each episode I thought I would continue to do that this year , as it is a great way for you to get to know me , your host , a little bit better and for me to share what I'm learning and loving in my own homemaking each week . I have even created a little segue . It's time for Allison's update , the part of the podcast where I tell you what is happening in my home and what homemaking resources I am loving lately . This week's update is brought to you by listeners who support the art of home through Buy Me a Coffee . Buy Me a Coffee is a virtual tip jar where you can show your appreciation and support for the show by giving a one-time tip or becoming a Titus 2 woman supporter and setting up a recurring tip of $5 a month . Whichever way you choose to give , I am grateful for your support .
Speaker 1Besides recovering from sickness and taking down Christmas , I have spent my time lately decluttering and organizing throughout my home . I love to start the year with a clean slate , and that includes my freezer and my pantry , so pantry challenges are really popular in the homemaking internet world , particularly at the beginning of the year , and for good reason . We want to practice good stewardship , and with food prices where they are today . We certainly don't want to let food go to waste by getting lost in the bottom of the freezer or the back of the pantry . The first step of my pantry challenge was to go through all of my food storage and take a detailed inventory of what I had . I literally wrote everything down . I also got rid of expired items as I was taking that inventory . My goal then was to work through as much of that food as I could for the month of January , particularly the meat and the frozen leftovers .
Speaker 1Now , I did not commit to a no buy January , as some do . However , I did commit to not buying any more protein , but instead to work through what we already had , even if it's not our favorite . Once I had my inventory list , I made a list of possible meals that I could make from that inventory , with little to no additional purchases required . As I used things up throughout the month , I crossed them off my inventory list and while we didn't use everything , we made a sizable dent and we were able to feed ourselves really well for a month . I really enjoyed the challenge of doing this . It forced me to be more creative in my meal planning and , I believe , will help train me to shop more mindfully in the coming year so I don't have so much excess of certain things . I will definitely do this again at least once a year , maybe even twice .
Speaker 1I'm thinking that a summer pantry challenge would be a good thing as well to make room for things that I want to preserve from the bounty of the summertime . I highly encourage you to do some kind of pantry challenge , even if it's just for one week . See if you can make a week's worth of meals from what you already have in your home . I would love to hear from you if you have questions about my pantry challenge or if you have ideas to share from doing this yourself . You can get in touch with me at theartofhomepodcastcom . Slash contact . I will be sharing more about my personal pantry challenge in this week's Homemaker Happy Mail that goes out on Friday morning , so be sure to sign up soon .
Speaker 1Now on to today's show . I am chatting with Bethany Kimsey , seasoned homemaker and mom of 8 . I have been following Bethany on Instagram for a few years and I have enjoyed her content immensely . She has so much wisdom to share about homemaking , parenting , prayer and following Jesus through it all . She is the host of Warrior Mama podcast . She is wife to Troy for 27 years and she has a passion for helping women take hold of the gospel and confidently apply it in their motherhood .
Speaker 1This is a delightful and encouraging conversation and I am so glad you have joined us . Thank you for trusting me with your valuable time today . I pray it will be a good investment for you , whatever you are applying your hands to . As you listen , I know you will enjoy Bethany's story of home
. Okay , welcome to the Art of Home . I am here with my new friend , bethany Kimsey , and Bethany is going to tell us all about her journey as a seasoned homemaker . But we're going to start from the beginning . Before we do that , I want to hear a little bit from you , bethany . Just introduce yourself to the audience . Let us know a little bit about who you are , who you are today and what your life is like .
Speaker 2Sure Thanks , alison . I'm happy to be here . I am married to my husband , troy , and we have been married for 27 years . And then we are also the parents of eight children , and their ages range from the oldest is 25 and the youngest is eight , and people always love to ask do you have twins ? And the answer is no , and are they all yours ? And I'm like , of course they're all mine , even if they didn't come from me . They happen to have all come from me , but yes , they're all mine and yeah , so that's kind of where we are . We live down in Georgia and that's about it .
Speaker 1Okay , all right . Well , let's go back to the beginning . And why don't you just tell us about when you feel like you first became a homemaker ? And when you did , did you have any skills ?
Speaker 2I saw that question and I thought , no , I had no skills , I had nothing , and that's not a reflection on poor parenting , like I don't . I don't want to at all imply that that was something that my parents did poorly . It really was more . I think I didn't really maybe value learning any of it when I was growing up . I mean , I just wasn't watching and it wasn't explicitly said hey , you should learn these things . I didn't ever think , oh , I should take notes here .
Speaker 2So I came into marriage and it was , I believe , like from the beginning , you kind of step into homemaking whether you have children or not . It is part of you are just doing a family and you are , because you're married , like your . Your family is your marriage and so , no , I lacked in all fronts and it was humbling , but also , for me , kind of exciting . Like I began to go wait a minute , this is like something I could . You know , I can learn how to do this . I think I'm going to like it in my own speed , in my own way , and so , yeah , I began to learn . Okay .
Speaker 1What , what , what area did you tackle first ? Like , was it sort of like what was necessary ? That's what you had to address . Like feeding people . I have to feed people . I had to learn how to cook .
Speaker 2I didn't know how to cook anything and there were lots of things that , especially when I was young because I got married , I just turned 23 . And I there was lots of things like I was still like almost like I didn't like to eat certain things either . Still , like you know , you have from childhood , like you're like I don't eat those kinds of foods , those are gross . So I still was in kind of that kind of an immature state . So I distinctly remember , like realizing , with my first child , somebody said well , you know , you can like scrambled eggs are a good food to give a baby . And I was like , ah , because eggs are gross to me .
Speaker 2Like I remember realizing I don't know how to cook an egg at all , like any kind of cooking . I couldn't hard boil , like I didn't know how to boil an egg , scramble an egg . I didn't know how to do anything with an egg other than stick it in a cookie or a cake . Yeah , I could put it in a different part of a recipe . Yeah , I wasn't super skilled . So it was . I think for me cooking was probably the first , because where we were and how when I married my husband , the way even our roles played out . I was the one working and earning the money for us and he was in medical school , so his time was really compressed and he wasn't home to even try the role of cooking like it . Just it wasn't there for him . So it was like well , one of us has to figure this out , because we are also very poor and we cannot be eating out because nobody can cook .
Speaker 1Right , right , exactly . Oh , that's so interesting . So how long did you work ? Well , we might get to that in a minute , but so did you work until he was done with medical school , or when did you ?
Speaker 2I worked . So he went through medical . He finished medical school and then he went into residency . There was a year in there where I stayed home with our first child for a year , and then , financially , we had our second child and I needed to go back to work because of some things that had happened that we just would sink if I didn't . So then my career was such that I could work . I was a pediatric physical therapist and so I could , in essence , take a certain number of clients , and so I molded what I did around Mother's Day out and fit it in cracks and crevices , and basically worked enough for the next five years to allow us to make budget . Okay , okay .
Speaker 1Yeah , that's that we did it . That's . That's you do what you got to do . So it sounds like you . You know you tackled the cooking because you had to eat and you couldn't afford to eat out . What was something else that you had a real steep learning curve for ? I mean , because the job of the homemaker is , we are wearing so many hats , you know we were doing the cooking , the budgeting , the everything . So what was something you had another real steep learning curve for and how did you kind of overcome that ?
Speaker 2So what I ? One thing I want to let anybody who listens to this here is I come in my personality is I have a great affinity for fun . It tends to , in my personal personality , also lead towards disorganization . So I naturally I am not an organized person . I also don't have many skill sets .
Speaker 2What I've learned in my own homemaking is I don't naturally even I kind of lack the skills to know how to organize something . So when I am even standing , I don't know , let's say , in front of a task or a pantry or like those initial like how am I gonna put this together ? Skills are hard for me , and so if they're hard for you , I want you to know it's okay , but it doesn't negate the need to like learn or to grow , and so for me , what was beginning to happen is me number one . I had to recognize wow , these things are all gonna be hard for me because they kind of require something that you don't naturally possess , bethany . So you're gonna have to step inside of a learning posture and find out from others and put your ear out and be listening , because otherwise we're all gonna be living in chaos , and I didn't like chaos , I wasn't comfortable in chaos , but once your mess is multiplied by just one other person and then you begin to add kids to the bunch and it multiplies just exponentially , then there is a requirement for order . And then I had naturally , of course , I don't know if it's definitely God's grace , but I had married a man who was highly organized and very precise and very detailed . So this was also a space in our marriage where there was stretching and growing , even going on in the marriage-like relationship , because there's stories there that are super funny .
Speaker 2You know , like I would cook meals and my method of cooking would be to like utterly destroy the kitchen to cook the meal . I mean every cabinet would be left open because I'm just opening and getting something . Leave the doors open , drawers open , cabinet on the bottoms open the pantry doors open , like everything is out . And then my method was , once everything was cooked and we ate it , then I would go in and I would clean everything . Well , that's really hard for somebody who's not that way .
Speaker 2And so we have this very and I totally can share it because it's such a story and like we all laugh of it . It's like our family lore . But he was , he's just , he tends to be a thoughtful guy Like , he's not like , and so he was sitting in the kitchen when I was cooking and he went he was studying , I think , for a board or something , and I'm like utterly blitzing the whole kitchen , probably totally messing with his mindset , because he's just watching everything come apart , and he just quietly gets up , goes into the garage , comes back into the kitchen with his battery powered drill and he's like starts proceeding to take the cabinet doors off . He goes you don't use them . You do not use them .
Speaker 2I think we should take them off , because this is driving me crazy and I was like what ? No , no , no , and it was , and he was really being funny Like he wasn't truly going to take them off . But it was also a space of me going , you know , I mean I can shut a door Like , I can be thoughtful in the , like , I can begin to learn a thoughtfulness of not leaving everything and blitzing , and so there was just growing . That needed to happen early on in our marriage and so it goes across all things for me . So , because there was not natural organization anywhere , I really had to just begin to like , watch other people and learn and go oh , I'll try that , oh , I'll try that .
Speaker 1So yeah , oh , that's really funny . Thank you for sharing that story . I love that . I love what you said . You had to adopt a posture of learning or a learning posture , and I think that through our whole careers and lives as homemakers , we should be doing that all the time , because I'm always learning something new . But I think you , as you get older , you can kind of get set in your ways . You can kind of get to this place where you're like oh , you don't need to learn anything new , but always learning , always learning . That's good .
So how about the expectations that you brought into married life and homemaking life ? How did maybe what you envisioned , what you expected , how did that match up the day to day reality ?
Speaker 2I think I really had to learn that this wasn't going to be this idyllic experience . So I also just my personality I tend to be more in the land of dreaming than in the land of reality . So I had painted a picture of what this was going to look like and how it was going to feel like . Like it was going to feel really good and feel really fun and stimulating and all the things that didn't really always feel that way . So then you kind of say , well , maybe there's dissatisfaction , because it's me . You know you'd be going to go . Well , why am I dissatisfied ?
Speaker 2And I think learning that the art of homemaking is also even a decision to be engaged in that it's , that's part of the beauty is choosing to say you know what I'm going to engage here , like I'm going to choose to enjoy this . So we have a saying in our home that you get to choose to enjoy and you get to choose to be annoyed . Like those are choices . They're actually like we can be in a space where somebody else is truly annoying and yet we can choose to lay aside our annoyance . And , in the same vein , we can be in a space where it's really demanding and it's really hard and we can choose to be miserable or we can choose to say I'm going to choose to enjoy this . And so for me , in this learning and growing space , it was , hmm , because , honestly , for probably the first five years , a lot of it was just like stinking hard and I was then a dull , dull , dull , dull , dull , dull , adopting some thinking that wasn't super great and God really had to walk me through a realignment of all that .
Speaker 1Like what kind of thinking ?
Speaker 2Well , like just resentment . So when I came into marriage there was a part of me that thought , like certain roles I would do certain roles he would do , certain roles we would do . And the reality of the way our life was in those first , I mean , how to put it all for you , how many years were we in medical school and residency and fellowship ? It was a long time . It was six , seven , eight , nine , 10 , maybe 12 years . The first 12 years of our marriage he like could take the trash out , like that was his responsibility , because that he could do it for in the morning , when he was coming in from work around 11 or 12 at night and he would be having to report to work at around 4 in the morning and those were on the nights . He was home and he was probably gone every other night for six months of the year and it is a lot of being more of a single running everything . So there's a lot of like , even the disappointment I remember early in our marriage of going I should not have to deal , kill , I mean handle any of the killing of bugs , like that is not inside of my zone , it's not my zone , and he would be like I'm not here to kill the bugs , like if you want them dead , you have to do it . And we had one of . We were so poor early on and we had this house that I mean the joke was we were renting it from the cockroaches and it was really true . I mean I finally did I mean , after losing , like really having a pity party for myself about it , I was like you're right , like I'm gonna have to do this and I'm like I'm just gonna work an extra , I'm gonna pick up an extra patient and so that I can have a bug man , because I'm not doing this , it's like no , so learning , like learning that it , if we're really contributing and we're really working together as a team in our marriage , then there's not division of labor as much as there is just serving one another .
Speaker 2And my serving , especially in those early years , required that probably I carried the bulk of just life in the home . The one thing that I was seriously not good at and I am still to this day not good at , and I don't carry this at all inside of the homemaking list is I don't at all carry our budgeting . I am an agreeing participant in our budget , but there was a season when we tried to let me carry the budgeting reins and it didn't do well . And so for us , in the honesty of our conversations , he's like , yeah , like you're not paying all the bills and I genuinely thought I was .
Speaker 2I mean , like I had a checklist , like I was trying to work it , but it just that , and so I just want sometimes we think , oh well , we have to be 100% good at everything and I think what helps better or helps more is to say this is an honest conversation and nobody's lesser and nobody's better and we're working together and to the best of our ability , I'm gonna do everything I can . And because part of what I do in the home is loving the people who live in my home by doing these things , so , yeah , it's serving one another , not a division of labor , and I think that's so hard , like it's so like we just want everything to be fair and just and honest .
Speaker 1We just want everything to be fair and just and equal . It's that rising up in our spirit . So let's talk a little bit about the logistics of running a busy household . You've got a lot of people to manage in your home , so just , I know the listeners would love to hear a couple of practical ways that you have found success in managing a household over the years .
Speaker 2Okay , well , while I am not very organized in that sense I am it's interesting , I am very I have rhythms . I believe in rhythms . So , yes , we have eight kids , and for I mean , most of their lives they were , all were homeschooled , so everybody was home , with me too , and so we had rhythms , rhythms of what our mornings and I just worked everything in rhythms of what do I want my days to look like , not so much because eight o'clock everybody needs to be doing X , but so that number one everybody knows that around the eight o'clock hour , this is what everybody's expected to do and have done , and so for me , that was one thing is taking the time to look at the season of life I'm in right now and go what are gonna be the best rhythms for my family right now ? And when we would have a new baby , rhythms would change . So it doesn't make any sense for us to have the rhythms when I was pregnant . When I'm now dealing with a newborn , all rhythms must change and having so I think one thing that's a tip that I would tell somebody is be really aware that your rhythms of life probably will need to change and could change month to month , and that is okay , and instead give yourself the flexibility and the freedom to pivot and to say , wow , it's not working for us to have , like I counsel moms a lot about because they're like , well , I wanna do like a morning meeting or morning devotional and I want it every morning and I want .
Speaker 2And we had seasons where I'm like it is not practical for that to be at eight o'clock in our breakfast time , because that's when the baby is just losing his or her mind but the baby's down for a nap somewhere between nine , 30 and 10 , 30 . And so that's when we can do that , and so maybe at eight o'clock with our breakfast . Now , in this rhythm , everybody should just get their math out and do their math while I'm handling fussy man over here , for instance and then as kids get older , understanding that rhythms they just continually change . So for me , one of the biggest tips I had , or one of the biggest things , is just understanding that there's great freedom to change . And then a second thing for me with all of our kids was always feeding them , and so we had some like maybe rules about feeding , and number one is like you're gonna eat what you're served .
Speaker 1Yeah .
Speaker 2And you're gonna be grateful , like we're not a smorgasbord , so we're gonna be grateful there's gonna be something there that you're gonna like . But I'm also not gonna hold it personally my job to make sure , like you filled up so if you didn't eat , okay , but I also didn't feed you again until the next meal , and then it was like what it was , so like cause for me it could be really all consuming if everybody's always snacking and eating and I got trapped in that Like I learned this by going wait a minute , we can just eat what I decide . When I decide what we're eating , we're eating , and so that . And then , of course , inside of that , I was a huge , especially when I had all eight and everybody was young and little . We did meal planning and we did huge preps , like meal preps .
Speaker 1Yeah , like did you do once a week , or did maybe once a month or ?
Speaker 2I love doing once a month . It required , like Troy , to be home . So or I have an amazing sister who I would call and be like hey , you wanna come down for the weekend . I really wanna do my once a month prep work and she polite , sure she come down and we cook all the meats and all that yeah , and so , but like I really believed in a lot of that , it helped me immensely .
Speaker 1Okay , good , yes , I'm a big fan of meal planning and prepping in a way that works for you . So again , like you said , with the rhythms , that even applies to what you do for your meal planning . If you may not have the space in the season that you're in right now to do a once a month cooking because it's not just the day that you're cooking , it's you gotta figure out once a month worth , you know a month of meals , then you gotta go shopping for all that stuff and then you know it's like a multi-day event .
Speaker 2It's not , it's like a thing . It's a thing . You have to gear up for it , right , right .
Speaker 1So finding which systems are gonna work best in what rhythms , depending on what season you're in , it's all dependent and it's going to change . I mean , if that's the one thing we can depend on in our lives as homemakers is it'll change . The seasons will change and your needs will change and things will change , yeah , so being flexible is super important . So those are great suggestions and great
points . Well , let's talk about challenges for a minute . Were there any special challenges other than managing a household of 10 people , any other special challenges that you've had to work through on your homemaking journey , and how did God help you work through that ? What did he teach you through that ?
Speaker 2How did you grow ? I think one thing that has been a challenge for me in homemaking is communication . So and what I mean by that is learning to be a really good communicator with everybody around me . So I have a tendency to know what needs to be done and I'm just going to go and get it done , and so I'm going to own all the tasks , I'm going to get all the work done because I can get it done fast , I can get it done quick . I can run the list because the list is in my head and I know today we have to do this , this , this and this . And I can shift into being a little , maybe a little bit , of a drill sergeant and then also be annoyed because how can they not see what we have to get done ?
Speaker 2But I have failed to communicate any of it and learning , and that has really probably , as I reflect , that's probably been the source of the biggest bad days . It may be that I'm just holding in my head we've got all these activities , we've got all the school to do , we've got all these chores in the home to do , we've got to be here at this time and here at this time , and we've got a doctor's appointment and , lo and behold , I think this kid might be sick and it's all running through my head . So now I'm rifling through everything and figuring out the sequencing , and figuring out and triaging , but I'm not communicating , and that and learning the necessity of delegation and delegation in kindness and communicating with clarity is been probably the biggest learning place for me , because I do depend on myself and I have high capacity and I usually do pretty well , like I'm a pretty high performer . So learning well just because you can perform well , just because you can hold it all , doesn't mean you should , because you're killing people all around you in a relationship .
Speaker 1So Right , which leads to the next question how did you invite your kids and participating in homemaking with you ? And if you're not delegating and inviting them in with kindness , you're not doing that .
Speaker 2Yeah , I'm not doing it , no , I was owning it all . Yeah and yeah . So I had a really good older mom who spent time with me when my oldest was . I think Noah was around five or six when she came into my life and she had 10 kids . I'd never known any I had . First of all , I had no plan to have eight kids . It was not something we thought we would do , and probably when Noah was five I had four , but almost yeah , and I was going to be soon pregnant . But I didn't know I was going to be pregnant . We had four kids and I remember thinking , oh my gosh , I mean I've got so many kids . This is crazy .
Speaker 2And this older mom came into my life because her one of her oldest was like a magical babysitter and so I was using her for like a date night once a week and she was magical with my kids and I was just watching this girl . I mean like I still remember her name . Her name was Jesse and I just remember watching Jesse with my kids and being like , how did you grow up to be so amazing ? Yeah , and I asked her when I said you think your mom would ever like let me learn from her and because , remember , I had learned the value of putting myself around people who knew more than I did . And she was like , sure , she has moms in her house all the time . And I'm like , oh , I'm going to come over .
Speaker 2And her mom calls me the next day and says , jesse , tells me you'd like to come over . I'm like , yeah , yes , please , yes . And so but she told me she looked at me . So at this point we had a five-year-old , a four-year-old , a two-year-old and an infant . And she looks at me and she goes Bethany , parenting is hard . My other , her , is really hard . She said but the Amish have a saying that I really believe in . And I said , well , what is their saying ? And she said you invest in a child for nine years and they will invest in you for a lifetime . And I said , well , ok , and I think she could tell that it was like not translating what does that mean .
Speaker 2I know it's going to be good , but I don't know . But you've got Jesse and she's magical and I just want people to be like Jesse . And she said Bethany , what that really means is , up until the age of nine , your children are just massive learners and absorbers and you're having to do most everything , but you're teaching all along the way and you're letting them loose . At nine she goes . So at nine years old , all my kids sort their laundry , all my kids do the dishes , all my kids do this , they do this , and she just starts naming all these things and I'm like they do and I'm looking at my five-year-old going no way .
Speaker 1That's not happening in four years , I know , but we have a long way to go .
Speaker 2But that saying began to just go through my head and it was this place of well , maybe I can help , maybe he can help me sort laundry . And I would just bring all the laundry down the living room and be like I need a darks , a lights and a towels , handle that for me . And then I would have him drag the buckets in the laundry room and I would pitch him . And so we began to do these places of and I realized they can unload the dishwasher and just stack it all on the counter , because they're not tall enough , maybe to put it away , but they can stack it all on the counter . That saves me a step and it's learning . So it may not be ideal and , yeah , probably glasses broke , but it wasn't a big deal , but I began to learn . Oh , this is what they can do . And so one of my kids I remember one of their favorite tasks right after that was wiping baseboards .
Speaker 1Oh good , that's great , loved it . It was like a game .
Speaker 2I would give everybody a washcloth and I'd be like come back to me when you need more end dust , and I'd just turn on all this music in the house and everybody's dancing and scrubbing baseboards oh awesome . But yeah , you just shift your mindset a little bit .
Speaker 1Yes , yes , yes . Shift your mindset to . I think you have to shift it in two ways . You have to shift it , lower your expectations a little bit . Like you said , it's not necessarily going to be ideal , but remember that you're investing in teaching them just the work ethic , just actually let's work together and do something , Then the skill will come . But also recognizing that they can do more than we think that they can . Yes .
Speaker 2And that they can be proud of it . Yes , so when Daddy came home , they were proud of their baseboards . There were stories about like I'm in charge of the dishes this week and those are moments of pride for them .
Speaker 1We're sort of robbing them of that if we don't invite them in . So , okay
, we're sort of in the area of hospitality , because I feel like that's an . Inviting your kids in to participate in the homemaking is a way to show hospitality to them . But let's talk about the people that are not in your family in your home , people outside the four walls of your home . What are some of the ways that you have practiced hospitality in your home ?
Speaker 2Well , we love having people in our home . I don't know if you can tell , but that's my personality . So I think that we have sought , though , to choose to be hospitable but not shifting who we are . So when you're invited into my home after I don't know Sunday night , church or on a random weeknight for a meal , I mean there's probably going to be toys on there On the ground . I mean like we're going to try and pick up , like we're going to learn the art of hey , we want to make our guests feel welcome , so we're not going to have , like , our dirty underwear on the ground and wet towels . But the reality is , when there were eight kids , there probably was a ball on the ground . There probably was , you know , a doll on the ground . Somewhere there was , you know , my children were running around .
Speaker 2Like it wasn't going to be a pristine meal event with quiet talking , but Troy and I really have always sought to invest in people , and so we have seen hospitality as the avenue to be purposeful with people , and we usually we have a conversation of who are the people we're investing in in this season of our life , and instead of having 10 different people in our home 10 different times we like to look and say who can we be purposeful to ? Who is God saying ? These are the people to invest in , and it may be three to five couples , and we're more purposeful with having them over more frequently so that there is time spent and good conversations had . So then , the other thing about hospitality that I have learned over the years is I really want somebody to walk into my home and feel welcome and to breathe out and she , and for her specifically to believe , oh , she's just like me . So I think there's great value and beauty even in not always having everything all put together , not being a mess , but being willing to say and so I actually . So if you come to my home , if I've invited you to my home , this is a trick . So if you come to my home and you experience this , you'll be like , ah , you're tricking me , but I will . Purposefully . I throw big Christmas parties where I serve dinners for 20 people , like I love . I love having people over and entertaining , love it . But I , every time , will not be running on time .
Speaker 2And it's on purpose , so that when those first two to four couples come in and the wife specifically looks around , and usually when you walk into somebody else's home and you know you're coming to a dinner party and there are , you know there's going to be a lot of people there and you walk in and everything's just amazing . You immediately begin to go . I could never do this . But if you walk in and I'm like , hey , I'm running a little bit behind , do you think there would be any way you could check this in the oven for me ? Or hey , I haven't yet had chance to fill the water cups . Could you do that for me , do you mind ? And then we can talk while you're doing it . The girl goes oh , yeah , I can help , and she's just like me , I mean like I wouldn't eat and it is a trick . But truly , I probably am running behind because it is crazy .
Speaker 2It's always crazy and there's eight kids and I've probably been having to be in the bathroom talking to somebody , because it's always when I'm throwing a party or having a big bunch of people over , that one of my kids is totally misbehaving and I got to go talk to them instead . So I am probably bleeding , or bleeding , or bleeding , or yeah , or having some issue that's just really wrecking their world . It's going to happen . So so I am genuinely probably running behind , but I have absolutely no qualms . In fact , I believe it's very healthy to ask the people around you hey , we're about to have a great night together , but I'm going to need a little help to get it all together . So for me , that part of hospitality usually makes people feel like I love being in your home , bethany , because I just feel like I can relax there .
Speaker 1Right , no , I think that is such a great suggestion . It instantly puts people at ease because you're inviting them in to participate in the meal , in the prep . They , you know , it's like they're one of the family . They're , you know , you're not just . You go sit here on this chair and I'm going to . I mean , there's a place for you want to serve your guests .
Speaker 1But that little bit of letting them , because I feel like , as a woman , when I host , people come in and usually you know we don't do super formal events , so usually if it's couples or whatever , everybody gravitates to the kitchen and the ladies are always like what can I do ? What can I do ? What can I do ? You know they're always at , you know , okay , well , here the tea's not ready yet . Can you go stir , put the sugar in the tea , you know , whatever Little things like that . And it really is helpful for you as a hostess to not stress yourself out to like every last detail has to be done for the doorbell rings with the first guests . So I think that's a win-win for everybody .
Speaker 1Great suggestion , very good . Okay , I want to move on to talk about seasons in homemaking , like , as we've already talked about this , that things are going to change . They're always changing year to year , sometimes week to week . So what has what would you say has been the most difficult transition through a season for you in homemaking , and how did you kind of work through that ?
Speaker 2I think our most difficult season in our home was really when we went through a year and a half where it was just really really hard in our home , and I can't give you a reason why , except we basically had a child in almost every category of life , so I think that was part of it . I mean , we had a newborn , a two-year-old , a four-year-old , a six-year-old , an eight-year-old , a 10-year-old , a 12-year-old . I mean , like we had them all , like we had a lot of kids and we had all the way up to a 17-year-old . We also had some real big medical diagnoses happening in that year . We had a child with a traumatic brain injury and another child with a medical disorder that made him very medically fragile for about eight months . That nobody could explain , like medicine couldn't explain .
Speaker 2So it was pretty high , stressful , and so there's a speed of life that happens that is coupled with just the stress of not knowing Like . So we didn't know with our kid with the brain injury , we weren't sure we were going to get who he was before back and didn't get that answer . We didn't get that answer for almost three years . And then the child with the medical condition . You know , medicine's kind of going eh , I don't know . And you're like , why do you not know ? Like how do you not know ? And then you're you know you have a baby and you have a toddler , you're trying to potty train like things , like you have life .
Speaker 1Yeah , like life is still happening .
Speaker 2Yeah , and then inside of that then there's another teenager who is struggling with Are you with us today ? Her value and her worth , and just getting her lunch eaten by lies and social pressure . And so I think in that season what begins to happen is you're like I am not doing anything well , and so everything kind of tumbles where you're not winning on the parenting front . Your life is moving at such a pace because all you're really doing is putting out fires , so you're beginning to really crumble on the home front , like home is falling apart , can't get any of the laundry done , and usually for me , laundry to me is a high signal that my life is out of control .
Speaker 1It's the canary in the coal mine it is .
Speaker 2So , you know , laundry is when laundry has literally like you're climbing on stacks of clothes in the laundry room and there's laundry now in the hallway and in my head . What begins to pound in my head is you are not like what in the year , handling nothing , and then eating becomes just a scrambled mess instead of a time of joining together and enjoying one another . And then , you know , so it's like it's just a spiral out of control . Out of control . And so that was a year and a good year and a half for us .
Speaker 2For me , it was probably harder than even when my kids left home , harder than even the seasons where I've had to get married now and juggling those kinds of seasons . That was probably the hardest season was just because you're walking through like unknowns , so emotionally you begin to get spent . So it doesn't have to be that , it doesn't have to be your story , but it's when you're walking through unknowns , I think , and you begin to hear lies that say this is all your fault or you're not doing it well , or you're just messing it up . So then anything that you maybe can get a small win on , you have a negative filter that covers it , that says you can't win , and for me that was probably the worst season .
Speaker 1Yeah , so where did your ministry come in there ? Because let me , let me tell everybody what the name of your podcast , because you have a podcast and it is called Warrior Mama .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 1Warrior Mama podcast . So I wanted to hear when , when did when was Warrior Mama born and why ? And was it out of that season or was it out of something else ?
Speaker 2I think my public facing ministry came out of that season .
Speaker 2So for years I had been having , because of really that mom who poured into me when my kids were so little , I began to really understand and embrace the fact that I could be doing the same , like I wouldn't want another mom not having somebody older than her going .
Speaker 2Hey , like you can do this it's hard but you can do it and so I had a private like I would have women in my home and I would do Bible says in my home , on my back porch and do things like that . And the Lord began to say you know , we're going to bring this public and we're going to bring it public because you have been in really dark places and the gospel is what has set you free and brought you out . And so sharing that and teaching that to others will set them free and show them that it's in my word and it's in time with me , god speaking , that that will bring confidence and peace and hope , rather than feeling lost and overwhelmed , totally discouraged and wanting to quit , which is what I kind of felt like for a while there . So that's where the ministry came from . I began to write publicly . That's where the prayer journal was birthed , for instance , that I have was just in that season of going . Well , what does it mean to walk this way ?
Speaker 1And your prayer journal just came out this fall . Right , you had just when I saw you at the conference it had just come out and it is a beautiful book . I have a copy . It's a beautiful linen covered book and if you want to talk about that really quickly because I think it would be very valuable to our audience .
Speaker 2Sure , it's called a warrior mama's prayers and the design of this book is to teach you a rhythm of praying scripture for your child , month after month , for a full year . Every month you return to the same idea on the same day , so , like if it's the third of the month , you'll go back to day three and look at what was written on that day and you'll see what you prayed the month before and you'll see the scriptures that you can , with confidence , stand on and pray for your child and journal again . And for me it came because in that year and a half I wasn't sure and I was hearing the lies that God doesn't really care , like he's not interested , like I know you've got this kid who's medically fragile but see , medicine can't solve it , nobody can solve it . Maybe God turned his head and I knew that wasn't true . But I also didn't feel like we were getting any traction , like I was like , mentally , I choose , no , it's not true . But God , it feels true . It feels true right now . And the Lord beginning to say let me show you how we can pray and you can watch me work and you can capture what is happening from month to month .
Speaker 2So in this journal . We pray that the . We pray over four main pillars . We pray that the gospel will become clear to your child . They'll understand who God is and who Jesus is and what that means . And we pray seven days of concept prayers about the gospel and we pray about your child's character . We're praying for their integrity , that they'll walk in love and in kindness and in peace . And so we're praying in truth . And then the third week we're praying for the spiritual battle that's around your child , both now and into the future . And then the fourth week we're praying that they will learn to walk with Jesus and that means good decision making , who they choose as friends .
Speaker 2Like the big things about life that sometimes the enemy for me could , with eight kids it was almost like the lies I would hear is like I don't think you've ever prayed that for that kid , I don't think you've ever thought about that . Like it just , and number one , god doesn't . He's not holding a tablet up there going well , you never prayed it , so I'm not answering it Like that's a lie . That's not God's heart , but God's heart is one of invitation , of hey , you come partner with me and let's pray about these things and watch me work , because really , your prayer life , god number one loves your prayers . He holds on to all of your prayers and he will answer every prayer , but he also uses your prayer life to make you go deeper with him yourself and I think for me that was probably the most powerful part about it is my deep love and affection for God got bigger . That's really powerful .
Speaker 1Well , I just want to encourage everybody to check this book out because I love we I talk about this a lot on the podcast that our memories are fickle things and we think we're going to remember . You know , like good things . We think we're going to remember which kids said you know this word in this funny way , or all those little memories and you think you'll never forget that you will . So write them down . We talk a lot about writing things down and not everybody is you know . Oh , I'm just not a journal or that's not . You know , something I just done come naturally to me or whatever .
Speaker 1But what I love about this book is it's very much a guided . You don't have it's not . You're not looking at a blank sheet of paper and be like , oh , I have to write something down . You know you have guided us through each of these pillars and it's over the course of the whole year , but it's . It's great because it's repetitive . You keep coming back and covering that same ground and I know that every time you cover it , god's going to show you something different . So very well done . It's a beautiful book and we'll make sure that we link that in the notes so that everybody can can get their hands on a copy of that , but
I know we're going to have to let you go here really soon . So I want to get to the rapid fire questions , because this is my favorite part . I love to hear these stories . Tell me about your worst homemaking fail .
Speaker 2I think it's ongoing , and so I , just , I am the worst . Like my kids Can't stand it . My big , my grown girls . I have an outside refrigerator and things go there and they die , oh , and I can't get a hold of it . I can't get a handle on it . I would love a good system for that . I have one daughter who's highly organized and she's given me a new system in the last six months . It's going better than any other system . But like it's super embarrassing , like I will have , like I'm embarrassed , but I'm just going to say it , no shame here I will literally have .
Speaker 2The last time that daughter came home from college , she's like I'm cleaning this junk out . This is disgusting . And there was like yogurt from a year and a half ago , oh , like just kept being pushed to the back of the fridge . She's like what is happening out here ? I don't know . I don't know , I just ignore it . I just ignore it . She's like what do you think ? It's just going to go away . I'm like , well , you came home and it's going . Oh , my gosh , it's super embarrassing . But you know , again , I just want to say to the person who maybe isn't , as all of you can feel better than me .
Speaker 2So that's good , but if you're not like it's not a high skill , surround yourself with people that it is .
Speaker 1Yeah .
Speaker 2Let them help you .
Speaker 1Yes , definitely Okay . So what do you think is the most memorable homemaking ?
Speaker 2achievement .
Speaker 2I think I thought about this question and I think the achievement that I will hold as maybe the most memorable is the ability Because I had to do it a lot , so we had obviously eight kids and Flipping rooms around and redesigning who's sleeping with who and how they're doing it in a way that makes that bedroom really fun for them and for those kids to share , because we probably flipped rooms about every I Don't know you're six .
Speaker 2I mean , like we've flipped rooms a lot and move these two girls in , then we move these three girls in , then we did move those two and they were out of birth order and together . And then and I think the reason I call it an achievement is when all my kids are together now , like remember when you and I live together and we had so much fun because we did this , and then somebody's like yeah , but when I lived with them it was like this , you know , so I I think I'm gonna call that one of my biggest achievements . I didn't know until now that I see them loaded with memories of living with different siblings and yeah , no , that's a great one .
Speaker 1That's a good one . Good , okay , how about your favorite home making hack or tip I ?
Speaker 2Would say room time . So room time , so room time , is with all my children , and I can still do with my big kids , even now to the state because they're kind of trained in it . But I Start room time with little bitty babies when they're in a little bit one of their play times they get to play like in their crib , and I put in their crib a bunch of fun toys for them to play with and then as they grow up they move from crib to maybe a pack-and-play , from pack-and-play ultimately to a room where they are playing independently by themselves . And so I would have , therefore and I my goal was always with every child , to be able to have them have the room time muscles to play for 45 minutes to an hour and I would have of my day , I would literally have all of my children in different room time areas and they would play . So that I could have .
Speaker 2I needed time to just . You know not , and I didn't . I chose to hold that time pretty sacred . I didn't go fill it with a bunch of chores for myself . Also tried really hard not to empty my brain . There were definitely days where I just sat in front of a TV . I'm not gonna say I didn't , but like I tried to do something like a good read , like something I enjoyed doing , not a chore something that would fill you back up .
Speaker 2Yeah , don't go scrub your bathtub in that room time . I'll do that .
Speaker 1That's a great tip . I love that training . Training their room time muscles , that's a good way to put it . Okay , how about a home-making tool or product that you're loving right now ?
Speaker 2Well , I love my wireless vacuum , like my little battery . Over that I can just grab and go with . That's probably like tool wise , my absolute favorite tool I . I don't have any like cooking tools that I just love like . I just Would rather just cook like on a stove , like in real stuff , not like like I'm not a Rice maker person or something .
Speaker 1Yeah you're not a gadget . You're not a gadget .
Speaker 2I'm not a gadget girl and I'm not really like a super coffee drink , like I do have one of my friends . I did ask that question when my friend said , oh , my espresso Machine ? Like I don't , I don't have one of those . I love my vacuum . They can go anywhere in the house . I love anybody can use it like any , but yes , because they're lightweight little people can use it .
Speaker 1Yeah , yep , and they love to use it too . Yeah , oh , yeah , yeah , it's exciting , it makes noise and , yeah , makes lines on the carpet . It's great . Okay , tell me what is your signature dish ?
Speaker 2Okay , my kids would say , my signature dish is chicken pot pie and the reason is because I do not put any vegetables in my chicken pot pie . The reason for that is because a long time ago , remember , when I was talking about like I'm gonna cook and you're gonna eat it , I realized that every time I made chicken pot pie like when my mom made it my kids like spent the whole meal separating everything . I'm like I'm like , but they like peas and they like they like peas and they like carrots because don't like it mix , not together . I'm like why am I mixing it ? So I make , I'm not kidding , like I will have . I have people like because now I it's like pretty standard , I'm gonna bring that to a new mom because she can eat it no matter what . Like it's safe for her to eat , like it's not gonna upset a baby if she's nursing . And and I mean I have people who request that from me and I'm like this is a joke , liz . It literally all I did was take the vegetables out .
Speaker 1Yeah .
Speaker 2But hands down , when my kids come home from college , when my kids come home from life , they're like can you make chicken pot pie ? Sure , okay , I would say my signature dishes , but that's what everybody else would say . What would you say I ? I I've asked late . I think I make a really , really good beef tenderloin like a really fancy meal , like I think I make a killer one , but and then I make a really good . I have a really good risotto recipe that I love , but yeah , oh , I love that .
Speaker 1Okay , so would you share one of those , either the pot pie or maybe the With us ? Yeah , that'd be awesome . Okay , cuz we like to put the signature dish out in the newsletter That'll come out right after your episode airs and we share that with chicken pot by people be like . Walls . Get a pie , didn't get a pie shell , and put some chicken in it .
Speaker 2But your kids won't pick it apart , that's right . And then just put the peas on the side , put the .
Speaker 1I was gonna ask you just yeah , do you just serve the veggies separately ? Yeah , there you go , it works All right .
Let's talk about the art of home . How do you see at home making as an art ? Where do you see the beauty in it ?
Speaker 2Mmm , I see it as a beauty . I see it as a beautiful reflection of Jesus washing people's feet , like . I just see this whole space , no matter what part of it you want to touch , we get to choose to serve , and the choice of how we serve is really a heart posture , and , and so for me , I see that the art in it of Not I just got to get it finished , I got to get it done , but how can I do this in a way that Shows that I absolutely love this person that I'm doing this for ? So it's not just I'm washing your clothes , but I'm gonna wash them and I'm gonna fold them the way you like them to be folded .
Speaker 2Like you know , I have different kids who , like when they do their own laundry , they'll fold their shirt a certain way , and it's the art of home making for me , for instance , is little things like that is noticing what they actually like . So , like a couple of my boys like their shirt sleeves folded in and my girls like it more like a gap fold and , like you know , they save different fold and it's just honoring them , like to fold their line . If I'm gonna fold their laundry because I'm gonna surprise them and I'm gonna fold it . It's honoring them and how I do that kind of thing . It's it's in the it's in the little spaces of Making a point of making meals that people love , and To me it's the art of it is in the honor .
Speaker 1Isn't there a versus has to out , do one another and showing ?
Speaker 2on and showing love , yeah , yeah .
Speaker 1Okay , let's
talk to the , to the younger women who are listening . What is a word of advice , word of wisdom or warning that you would give to the younger women who are coming behind you as they journey through their art of making a home ?
Speaker 2Keep your eyes on Jesus and not on your social media . You don't need to compare . You don't need to compare , just ask him to lead . You See , I learned how I learned this art . I learned Homemaking without having to compare myself to everybody else homemaking and everybody's staged picture . So my house is messy . My house is messy 90% of the time . My house has . We have a golden retriever . It's gonna have dog here on it until I get that wireless vacuum out . But but if I spent my time comparing it would be a never-ending discouraging journey , definitely . Yeah , that's a good word .
Speaker 1Well , how can listeners get in touch with you ? Where's the best place for them to find you ?
Speaker 2The best place you can find me is on Instagram . You can find me on Facebook . I'm there , bethany Bethany Kimsey . I'm on Instagram at Bethany Kimsey and that's the easiest . Like I'm very active there , send me a DM , I'll talk to you . Then you can find me my website Bethany Kimsey calm .
Speaker 1And what do you have coming up Besides your ? Your warrior mama prayer book ? You have like I was just kind of poking around on your website you have like a , is it like a community on your ? Okay , can you tell me a little bit about that before sure ?
Speaker 2Yeah , I have . It's called the warrior motherhood community and it's designed for mothers to find , to learn how to parent with a gospel intention , but together . So remember , when Moses was holding up the the banner , when Israel was having to fight against King Amalek they had just come out of captivity in Egypt , they nobody was a warrior , so they're all having to fight . They're basically fighting for their lives and God basically says to Moses stand up on this hill and hold up the banner and when , as the banner was held up , israel would be winning .
Speaker 2In the valley , when Moses was holding up the banner Valley , when Moses's arms got tired and you know , they kind of fell down , there was loss and defeat was happening . So Aaron and her Like they're like watching this , we're like , oh , my goodness , we got to keep his arms up and he can't keep his arms up , he's exhausted . So the goal of the community really is to come alongside of moms and say we're gonna help you hold your arms up while you hold up the gospel in your home , and so we're gonna walk with you and teach you how to do this , we're gonna equip you , we're gonna . We have a board , so we have a bunch of women in there who work and teach in there . We partner with a Christian counseling group for women so that you know if it's more that's needed , we can help you route and find great help . Yeah , it's a beautiful place , yeah is it ?
Speaker 1is it ongoing ? Is it open all the time to join it , do you ?
Speaker 2have seasons , we have seasons , it opens , it opens seasonally and we have a . We have a special wait list . So if you wanted to get on that now , you would . You would absolutely meant notified . Our next opening will be in January . Okay , this is gonna air in January actually okay then it'll be open . It'll probably be open in January , but there is a wait list to . That helps a woman get on it easily , so great Okay .
Speaker 1Well , we'll make sure that we have all those links down in the show notes . Bethany , thank you so much for joining me today and sharing all of your amazing stories . I could I had lots more questions to ask you , but run out of time .
Speaker 2Thank you , thank you , thank you so much fun .
Speaker 1I loved it Good . Thank you so much for listening to this homemaker portrait of Bethany Kimsey . I hope it has encouraged and inspired you and that you can take one or two nuggets of wisdom From Bethany and apply them in your own practice of the art of home . There was so much good stuff in this conversation it's really hard for me to pick a favorite nugget or two , but I'll give it a shot .
Speaker 1I would say my top takeaways are number one Don't expect to be good at everything in the home . Instead , recognize your weaknesses and always adopt a posture of learning . Reach out to others who can teach you , because the alternative is to live in chaos . And then number two the home flows in rhythms based on the season of life you are in , so pay attention to that and adjust accordingly . Don't forget there is great freedom to change your rhythms . Give yourself the flexibility and freedom to pivot as needed . I particularly love this second takeaway because , as you may know , rhythms and routines are the third of four pillars of homemaking that we are exploring here . On the art of home , last year we dove deep into pillar one and two identity and values and priorities respectively and this year we will be diving into pillars three and four . We will tackle rhythms and routines next season and then the final pillar , community later on in the year .
Speaker 1If you miss the episodes highlighting pillar one and two , be sure to give those a listen , or , if you did catch them , I believe a refresher would be time well spent . I will link them in the description box for this episode . Be sure also to check out Bethany's links down in the description box . Follow her on Instagram and definitely check out her show or your mama podcast . I know you will be blessed by her teaching .
Speaker 1If you have found value in today's episode , you can say thank you by sharing the art of home with a friend , by leaving us a rating and a review on your listening app and Supporting the art of home ministry through buy me a coffee , either as a one-time tip or as a monthly Titus to woman supporter . Thank you so much for all of your support , helpful reviews and kind messages . I appreciate you all . Well , that's it for this episode of the art of home . Be sure to sign up for homemaker happy mail and I will be back next week with a deep dive into Dealing with emergencies in the home with Elizabeth Dillard . Until then , keep practicing your art of making a home .