Hello Homemakers , welcome to the Art of Home podcast , where we are exploring how Homemakers cultivate a place to belong . I'm your host , alison Weeks . I'm a wife , I'm a mom to four grown kids , I'm a granny to one little boy and one baby girl arriving soon , and I have been practicing the Art of Home for over 30 years . I'm excited to bring you another seasoned Homemaker portrait today . Here on the Art of Home , we have seasoned portraits that's 25 years experience or more , in the trenches . Portraits that is more than five but less than 25 years experience . And newbie portraits those Homemakers who have less than five years experience . We also have our topical deep dive episodes where we cover everything from sewing to canning , to organizing , to identity in Christ and setting our values and our priorities . And coming soon , next season , we will be talking about the third pillar of Homemaking setting our rhythms and routines as Homemakers . Now I'm going to tell you a little bit more about today's episode in just a few minutes , but first it's time for Alison's update . This is the part of the podcast where I tell you what is happening in my home and what Homemaking resources I'm loving . Lately . This update is brought to you by listeners who support the Art of Home through Buy Me a Coffee . Buy Me a Coffee is a virtual tip jar where you can show your appreciation and support for the show by giving a one-time tip or by becoming a Titus 2 Woman supporter and setting up a recurring tip of $5 per month . Titus 2 Women supporters receive access to a weekly audio version of our free newsletter Homemaker Happy Mail . And whichever way you choose to give , I am grateful for your support .
Speaker 1I mentioned in last week's newsletter that we have been doing some spring cleaning at my house and decluttering and just basically creating some physical margin in our spaces as we head into what's going to be a very busy spring season for our family . Spring cleaning or any cleaning for that matter goes a lot faster when you have the right tools , glass and surface cleaning solutions . A good broom , a steam mop , cleaning cloths and a vacuum are about all that you really need to do most cleaning jobs . We know these tools make a big difference in our cleaning routine , but how often have you considered the need to care for your cleaning tools ? This is something that sounds good in theory . I know I should do it , but somehow I always find other things to do . That is until my vacuum cleaner quits working in the middle of a major cleaning session . And that is exactly what happened . The filter was clogged with months worth of dust and the beater was hopelessly tangled with hair and fibers . The whole machine needed to be cleaned , including rinsing the filters with water , which takes 24 hours to dry . So no more vacuum , and I had to finish the job with my broom and dustpan , taking twice as long . Ugh , this frustrating situation would likely have been avoided if I had taken the time to clean my vacuum every couple of months .
Speaker 1Vacuums aren't the only machines needing regular TLC . Think of all of the hardworking , time-saving appliances we employ as modern homemakers Dishwashers , clothes washers and dryers , irons , ovens , refrigerators , garbage disposals , mixers , microwaves , vehicles and more . All need regular cleaning and maintenance to keep them performing at their best for as long as possible . If done on a regular schedule , appliance maintenance will cost you very little time and will save you from premature , very costly replacements . I will be talking more about maintaining appliances in this week's newsletter , so be sure to sign up for our mailing list at theartofhomepodcastcom .
Speaker 1Now on to today's episode . I am talking with seasoned homemaker Leanne Stadler about her experience of keeping a home for 27 years . Leanne and her husband Eric have six children and they have fostered over 40 children in their home . In her homemaking journey , leanne has navigated her children's special needs , her own chronic illness , adopting two foster kids and the recent loss of her 23-year-old son . Through it all , god has shown Leanne his faithfulness . She says sometimes he is very quiet , but I know he is still there because he has never failed me . The Stadler family has recently launched a small elderberry farm called Titus Grove in north central Ohio . They are founded on faith and desire to bring glory to God in all they do . You can follow along on Facebook , instagram and YouTube as they learn the ins and outs , victories and defeats and all that is to come on the Grove . I will link all the places that you can connect with Leanne in the show notes , so be sure to go check that out .
Speaker 1I just want to thank you for trusting me with some of your valuable time today . I pray that this next hour will encourage and inspire you in your practice of the art of home . You are doing good work , homemaker , no matter how messy your day has been , god sees and he is pleased with your commitment to serve your home and family for his glory . Whatever you are applying your hands to as you listen today , I know you will enjoy Leanne's story of home . Welcome
to the art of home . I'm here with my new friend , leanne Stadler . She is a seasoned homemaker . We're going to hear all about her story of home . But before we get into that story , why don't you just say hi , leanne , and introduce yourself to the audience ? Tell us a little bit about who you are today ?
Speaker 2Hi , I am so glad to be here . My name well , you said Leanne .
Speaker 1And .
Speaker 2I am the wife of Eric . For 27 years . I am , I like to say , the mom of many , but technically six kiddos that range in the ages of would be 25 and four years old . We homeschool , we have a farm , an elderberry farm , and we just live life in the middle of nowhere , amongst the Amish , and oh yeah , so that's where we're at .
Speaker 1Okay , awesome , okay . So I know we're going to get all into all the things about your farm and your many kids and your life with Eric , so let's go back to the beginning . So when did you first become a homemaker , and when you did , did you have any skills ?
Speaker 2So I was blessed to have a mom that was technically a homemaker and she did teach us things . So when I got married in 1996 , I did take along the skills that she had worked with us other , with her kids with , so I could cook , I could clean , I could decorate and do all the things , and so that was a blessing .
Speaker 1Let's talk about what you struggled with . So what skill did you have , or skills Did you have steep learning curves for , and how did you kind of work through that and overcome those ?
Speaker 2Believe it or not housekeeping , but it was more so housekeeping and scheduling out how to constantly do things . You know , I'm not gonna lie , the first probably gosh two or three months of us being married , I did not really do the laundry . And I remember my mother coming over one day and I was a young bride and my mother coming over one day , she's like we're clean , we're taking all of this to the laundry mat and we stayed at the laundry mat for like and we took up like three or four and did load after . I think I had like 10 loads of laundry that day and there's only two of us and but it was just one of those things where I would start a load and just go do something else . And I did work . I did work when we first got married . I did work full time so trying to schedule everything and keep the house clean . I just I just could not grasp that . I knew how to clean , but how to actually schedule it out and make it work . I did not gather , I could not do it .
Speaker 1I do think that was . That's a huge learning curve . It was for me and I think it is for a lot of a lot of ladies and we get sort of stuck in that overwhelm , if there is . I know how to do things , but there's so much to do , like when do I do ?
Speaker 2it all right , exactly .
Speaker 1Yeah , yeah , so I'm . I'm curious that she took you to the laundry mat . Is that because you had so much , or did you have ? Did you not have a washer ?
Speaker 2and dryer , A washer and dryer . But yeah , I just had so much . And , just to be totally open , my husband , when we first got together and started dating , he was the kind of guy that , well , he didn't care to do laundry and he worked full time and it was so he would just go buy new outfits . So so I actually married into laundry is what I tell people and I wasn't capable of doing it . So , yeah , we just had so much . My mother's like we're going to the laundry mat , so yeah , it is actually .
Speaker 1it's kind of a pain . I had to do the laundry mat for quite a few years when we were first married and it's sort of a pain because you got to get in the car , go to the laundry mat . But it's kind of nice because you get it all done in one go .
Speaker 2Yes , yeah , and it's folded , because I think that is the hardest thing , like washing and drying is okay , folding is another thing .
Speaker 1Yeah , for a while there , we did a lot of our just go get it out of the laundry basket and put it on your body . We got better . We got better , though . Okay , well , let's talk about expectations . So did you have any expectations going into to being a homemaker , being married , and if so , did it match up with what actually happened ?
Speaker 2I don't Did . I have , well , I think , expectations in the sense of you know that dream life , you know the white picket fence life . I did have those expectations . I , we had some great mayor , premarital counseling , which I highly recommend to anyone with a good godly minister and he , they helped us put things on track in a sense . But then you get in the day in and the day out of being married and I lived with my parents until we got married , so to be with a whole different person their personality , my personality , his personality , I should say my personality . He was an only child , I was one of five . So , yeah , a lot of things .
Speaker 2We , the first two years , were hard , very hard , very hard to in regards to figuring each other out . More , in regards to figuring out , we were remodeling and purchased our first home , we were in the middle of DIYing our house and so , yeah , it just wasn't . It wasn't the white picket fence in any way , shape or form , it wasn't the cute little gardens sitting out . You know I still don't have those cute little gardens , but I do have a picket fence , but yeah . So , yeah , just wasn't . I don't know it was good , but it was hard .
Speaker 1Yeah , yeah . Well , how about as things went on , you know , and you started making adjustments and then kids started coming into the picture , and what are some of the practical things that you did to manage your household ? What , what kind of things worked well , what sort of things did not work well ?
Speaker 2So I very quickly learned to keep a planner . And now I will say I've went through several different types of planners throughout the 27 years , because they don't all fit perfectly . Maybe I should do that my make one of one of these days , but because there's always something missing from one of them . But I quickly learned to use a planner and definitely plan out my days when kiddos started coming in . Our oldest had ridiculous allergies , so then it became I had to maintain , I had to make sure the dust was away , I had to get rid of house plants and we couldn't have the animals in the house . So you had to maintain the house a lot better or he would be very sick . So that forces you to make some changes . So by the time the children came along , I was also just a stay-at-home mom , I'm not going to say just , but I was not working .
Speaker 2My husband learned , and I learned to divvy out tasks , because taking care of the kids is within itself as its own thing . But he actually started taking over the laundry . Yes , oh yeah , he can keep . He is very I don't even know how methodical . I guess Maybe he's very good at keeping on task , even if he has to set a timer where I'm just like la , la , la , la la . But he's not like that , and so he took over the laundry . Thank you , jesus . To this day he still does laundry and it's such a blessing . But yeah , scheduling I can't say enough about scheduling out your day . And then there were things that I had to learn to put aside because you just can't fit it all in , and I could pick them up later in other seasons of life , but at that moment the focus was on parenting and my marriage and taking care of my house .
Speaker 1Yeah , that's a hard lesson to learn , I think , for a lot of us , to learn what we say no to in this season because it feels like , oh , but I want to do this thing and you think you're going to have diapers , kids and diapers forever . I think I have and you're never going to get out of that season Like this is never going to be over and I'm never going to . But it's not really that's not and it goes so fast so very fast
, okay .
Speaker 1Well , let's talk about some special challenges , which you've got several , I would think , based on your bio that I read , and I'm just going to let you kind of touch on what you is on your heart to share you know just things that you , that you faced in your home , making journey that the Lord really , really brought you down to teach you some hard lessons , and then just what have you learned through that ?
Speaker 2Yeah , so a couple of things . Well , I had difficult pregnancies so I was on bed rest with those things . So you have to change life thought processes then , and you actually I had to allow people to help you , which I was not I , you know . I could do it all myself . I was great . I can do everything I wanted to , even though my mother had to come help me take the clothes to the laundry , it doesn't matter , I could still do it right . So with difficult pregnancies , I did have to accept help . So that was a learning curve . The Lord had to humble me and say , no , you do not have it all together and he was in control . And so difficult pregnancies came along .
Speaker 2And then chronic illness came along that I had had my whole life . It is a connective tissue disorder and but it was not diagnosed until later in life . It's referred to as Ehlers-Danlos syndrome and it affects all your joints and anything where you have collagen in your system . So I began having heart problems . I had to have heart surgery . I've had multiple joints taken care of and , you know , fixed again .
Speaker 2That was very hard , one of the things that I learned during I had a two year process where I had surgery and had to have my foot reconstructed after a fall and then I had to have my shoulder reconstructed from the same fall and one of the things that I just I cried . I'm like I can't do anything . I can't . You know , I couldn't even use the restroom by myself , right ? So that's very , very humbling and you cry , I cried and I cried . And then I remember sitting in a shoe store because I had to have special shoes and anyone who knew me beforehand I love shoes , I love shoes and I loved to hunt for that great deal on a pair of shoes and I was taken down to wearing what basically looked like nurses shoes and that within itself was humbling . And I sat in that shoe store and I cried and I cried over shoes .
Speaker 2But in that I met a young , an older woman , and she said this is just a time for you to be still and it's time for you to wait on the Lord and listen to him .
Speaker 2And I'm just like , well , I never , I never thought of that . She's like think about it , you can just sit on the couch and hold one of your kids , you don't have to get up and do the laundry , you can just sit and hold them and talk to them , sing to them . You know , and that was a totally different perspective on that , because I was like , well , I got to make the dinner and I'm supposed to be doing this and I can't clean my house , and it was time to just be still and that I needed , but I didn't know I needed it . So that was just a blessing in disguise and I'm still learning to deal with it , because there are days that I'll go really hard and I can't do much the next day , and that's okay , I get some things done and then I just get to sit and enjoy the kids or , you know , play game , a board game or something . So that's good .
Speaker 1Yeah , oh gosh , I miss your kids when you got this diagnosis .
Speaker 2So , oh my gosh , it was when we first moved to this farm , and so it's been about 12 years , so they were older , but there were some extra kiddos as Right , right , because you guys fostered , so we'll talk about that in a minute , but what a great lesson that God taught you in that that .
Speaker 1I think there's a lesson there for all of us that we , you know , we all need times of rest , and we're going to be talking this year about rhythms , about the third pillar of homemaking , which is rhythms and routines , and that need to have healthy rhythms which include regular times of rest . And for homemakers , I always say it's . I think it's extra hard for us because our work is where we live , correct ?
Speaker 2You don't get away from it .
Speaker 1You never get away from your job and it's so tempting to just , oh , let me just do one more load of laundry , or let me just wash these dishes real quick , or whatever , instead of just sitting and resting . So that's a real good blessing . So , okay , any other struggles , special needs ?
Speaker 2Well , we do have two kiddos that are special needs , medically complex , yeah , and so that has been a new challenge in where there were times , well like for instance during a season right now , where I'm at a hospital that's an hour and a half away , every week with one of the kiddos , so that you have to adjust because it's an hour and a half away plus the hour or two that you're there , and then the hour and a half , so you lose an entire day . So , yeah , that whole scheduling thing you have to remember . Then you everything has to adjust for the week ahead , because when I get back home , especially with my order , driving is very exhausting , so I'll get home and I'm pretty much done for the day .
Speaker 1Oh , just the sitting , and is that it's hard ?
Speaker 2on your joints . It's hard on my joints .
Speaker 1Yeah .
Speaker 2So yeah , it's really exhausting .
Speaker 1Do you so you still have kids at home , or yes ?
Speaker 2believe it or not , all of my children are still at home except for one , and so yeah , luckily we are blessed in that aspect . Our oldest daughter is 23 . She does work , but she's a huge help , and then so are all the other kiddos .
Speaker 1And are you fostering anybody right now ?
Speaker 2Yes , so we currently thank you , Jesus . We , on the 21st of February at the time of this , I think we're 13 days away at the time of this recording we will be actually adopting her . She's been with us for yes , so she'd been with us for four years . We got her when she was three days old and at the NICU . We stayed with her in the NICU and it's been a battle , but she is amazing and she will be a forever stadler .
Speaker 1Oh , my goodness .
Speaker 2Congratulations .
Speaker 1Thanks , that's exciting . Well , let's talk about your fostering experience a little bit , because the next thing we talk about is bringing kids , inviting kids into home , making with you , and you have been blessed with biological children , but then you've also been a foster for a lot of children . Tell us about that .
Speaker 2Yes , well , actually my parents were foster parents and so I knew about it and they stopped fostering when we got married , when Eric and I got married . But I also had seen their side of things , where I was like I don't think I want to ever do that . And then my husband came to me and he's like , hey , do you think maybe we should look at this ? And I'm like , no , I never said I would do that . I said I would never do that , and then we prayed about it . It took us about two years to finally decide , because it affects your own children , as I knew firsthand . And so then we did . We decided to . So about 10 years ago we started foster parenting . We've had about 40 children come through our home we have adopted . Well , it'll be two this month .
Speaker 2The one little guy was a victim of shaken baby syndrome . He had been starved and shaken and at two months old when he came to us , he weighed just over seven pounds and there's a story floating around the internet somewhere about him . But he's been a blessing and got his work miracles through him . He was not expected to live , much less walk and talk , and he does have delays , but he's , he's doing great , he's doing really well . So but yeah , it's been a blessing having the kiddos . It's been very hard , it is very heartbreaking , but there are so many kids out there that just need home and they don't . They don't get that other places .
Speaker 1How did you prepare your kids to you know make to become a foster family ?
Speaker 2Yes , so we did discuss it with our children first and foremost . We also , at any time we do get a call , we discuss it with our children and everybody has to pretty much be on board , you know , and when you're dealing with different ages , sometimes it could be well , I just don't want to share my room this time around and then you got to go . Okay , listen , let's talk about this , you know . But overall the kids have always been involved . Well , I guess my parents had been foster parents . They had adopted children out of that foster homes , out of the foster system , so my kids understood some of it , and my kids have always had I've just been so blessed with the fact that they've always had servant hearts and so for them it was , you know , just , they want to help everybody . Every kid they can find They'll be like . Well , what about that kid ? No , you know , especially when they were little , but it's just been . You know , you just had .
Speaker 2Let me see how to say this . It is a completely different life than the way our children were raised , the children that come into our home . So they have seen things that actually have changed their hearts , even to where they can see that , you know , where the Lord has allowed them to have certain lifestyles and certain things and the way their parents are compared to where some of the other's kids are . Where they're coming from . It's just their hearts changed so much in that and where I was more afraid of them becoming angry with us or feeling jealous . I have not really ever seen that with our kiddos . Now don't get me wrong . When a child takes your favorite Barbie doll and cuts its hair off , you do have problems . You know what I mean . Your kid gets upset . We did have a teenager that kicked one of the dogs and there are things like that that happen and it's not perfect . But I'm blessed that my kids have never really said no to bringing in any other child .
Speaker 1Yeah , it sounds like it's really grown a heart of compassion in your childhood .
Speaker 2Absolutely and to the point where , honestly , all of my the ones that are all able to work are in some form of servant positions . So that's been a blessing , yeah .
Speaker 1Yeah
Well , let's talk about logistically having a lot of family members and you know it's very fluid because you've got kids coming in , kids going out . You know how did you manage that day to day and how did you invite your children and your foster children to enter into the home , making the day to day stuff and all of that .
Speaker 2Yeah , so I think at one point we had nine kiddos in the house at once . And yes , and with fostering too , there's not just you don't just bring them into your home and take care of them . They have their needs and they have appointments and visitations and things . So it has been . You know , we have a schedule . Early on we had what was called Steadler Command Central , right , so I made this big board and everybody had their things that they had to accomplish and do so , and of course it was according to age and stages , and a lot of the kiddos that we brought in there have never had a chore in their life , and so a lot of times you have to work with that as well and you just start with the basics hey , can you please take your plate to the table , from the table to the kitchen sink , you know you're done eating , Take your plate . So there were chores which we don't take Most people refer to as chores .
Speaker 2We call them responsibilities at home because that's your responsibility . Yeah , it is your responsibility . And then also , you know , all of my kids can cook , all of our bios can cook , which is great . They've always been in the . I've always allowed them in the kitchen . So that's been help and it's been interesting to you know , we've tried to teach all of our kiddos every aspect of the home making . In a sense , even our boys know how to do laundry . You know , obviously my husband does .
Speaker 2So , you know , I think the hardest thing we have is getting them to clean their bathrooms . It's for whatever reason , I always wind up having to clean all the bathrooms , but whoa . But you know what . I actually enjoy it . It's really odd , one of those things . But no , I think , just , it doesn't always have to be hey , go clean your room . It's , we're going in , let's go . Oh , look at your room , let's put this away . Hey , why don't you grab a bag of garbage , a bag and start putting all your garbage in the little ones ? I love to hand them a wipe . You know cleaning wipe . Go clean the handles of the doorknobs , you know , go , wipe off the baby gates . And especially when you have this many littles coming in and out , the germs are ridiculous . Can you wipe the banisters down ? You know , they love it . They love to spray down the windows and wipe them . Yes , do I have to go back ? Or my husband go back and do it after they're done ? Absolutely , Because they're streaky , but they're learning .
Speaker 2So I think just in every aspect . We've always just allowed them . Sometimes it takes a little longer and I am not perfect . There are times I'm like , okay , I just need to get this done . Can you please go play with a toy or you know , go play in the living room , go watch a TV show , go something . Just let me do this . But generally speaking , it's sure , why don't you help me fold clothes ? Why don't you help me this , that or the other ?
Speaker 1So yeah , yeah , those are some great suggestions . I love that . I love calling them responsibilities instead of chores . So I want to shift and talk about hospitality a little bit , because we show hospitality to outsiders , of course , but to one another within the home , and I believe that sharing the responsibilities of the house is one way to enter into hospitality with each other . But , particularly in your situation with bringing in foster kids , what are some of the things that you guys did to facilitate hospitality within your home with your family members ? How did you make those kids feel welcome and like they were apart ?
Speaker 2Oh , wow , yeah . So one of the things that when a child first comes into the home it is , you know , you show them around , but we always ask them what would you like ? Let me back up , because a lot of times we just take in infants . But we've taken in two , three , four , 18 , 17 , turning 18 . And it's you make them . Try and make them their favorite meal , and sometimes that's hard because it may not be what I would approve of on a regular basis . You know , like I'm not going to talk , but like the one little one likes those cheese-filled hot dogs , you know . So you deal with that and you bring those in and you make them the meal that they want . But so you then , and then you try and make sure that they have a special place .
Speaker 2Every child has to have a bed , but how about we go pick out a brainy blanket just for you ? So that's always fun . And then they get to take those blankets , if you know if and when they get to really turn home or go to some other home . So that's a nice thing . You know every kid is different , whether they're biological , foster , so you try and figure out what's best for them . You know , depending on their age too . They have their own little . We keep little bathroom kits a toothbrush , toothpaste you know that's theirs , pick your color , you know , just try and make them feel welcome and then we just kind of settle in to do you want to watch on TV ? You know , because a lot of them that's what they have done mostly . So you try and make them feel like normal about that .
Speaker 1Yeah , this isn't a completely foreign environment , correct , because it's already going to feel very weird .
Speaker 2Absolutely , absolutely .
Speaker 1Those are great suggestions . Okay , so what about people outside of your family ? What are some like maybe one practical thing that you guys did do or have done to show hospitality to people outside your family ?
Speaker 2So one of the things , one of the big things are because we have so many caseworkers coming and going in the home . Every caseworker that has come into our home understands that this is a safe space for them as well . I know you're here to talk about the kiddos , but I also understand that what you see on a daily basis is unimaginable to most people . So if you need to just come in and you may have scheduled an hour , but if you need to stay here for two and just talk , have a nice cup of coffee or something you can do that You're more than welcome .
Speaker 2Always , and as far as even other people outside of the home , like kids , we've tried to never say no when they say , hey , mom , can so-and-so come over ? Can someone so-and-so come out to dinner with us , we try very hard to not say no . There are times we have to . Of course . That's life , and then in the different seasons of our lives too , we would do community neighborhood parties in the backyard or barbecues or bonfires or those type of things to always let people just . We just always want people to feel welcome .
Speaker 1I love this idea of ministering to the caseworker . I wouldn't have even thought of that because , you're right , I cannot imagine what they see . My sister-in-law did that kind of work for a while and the stories are just horrific . So to give them that space in your home what a great ministry . That's awesome . Well , let's
talk about the seasons of homemaking a little bit . What was your most difficult transition from one season to another and how did you cope with that ?
Speaker 2Okay , bear with me on this one . A few years ago , I probably would have told you that it was with my diagnosis and learning to handle that . I would have told you it was even up to about two and a half years ago when I was diagnosed adult ADD . No wonder I couldn't keep things scheduled right . I figured things out and get distracted and leave the laundry sitting for days . I would have told you that was it Up until 16 months ago October 2nd 2022 , our son was 23 and was killed instantly .
Speaker 2And that changes everything . You can't . I can function to an extent , but you're just stuck . You know when your child is born and if you're a God fearing person , you dedicate that child to Christ and you tell the Lord Lord , I will do my best with this child to raise him up , to follow in your ways as long as you have given him to me , but you never expect God to not let him be here or let your child be here for that long . You have all these hopes and dreams and anyhow all those things change , I think you can't . Like I said , you can't function .
Speaker 2My house did not get cleaned for months . You know the basics . We didn't let the dishes pile up or the laundry , but all those things . You know , we have a small farm and my son would garden with us and he loved to be out there . In the day he died he and I were out in the garden in the morning . I couldn't walk back in that garden for a year and even I tried last year you know last spring to get things going and I got things planted and I let it go . After that I just couldn't keep going back . And even now I'm facing having to get out there and every time I walk down the stupid aisles of the with all the seeds and everything , it just makes me cry . But even though I have a house full of wonderful children and my husband , it just seems like everything is pointless . And so I've struggled every day just to sometimes get out of bed . And I'm not mad . I'm not mad at God , not at all , because in our beliefs everyone it is appointed unto man wants to die and this just was his time . But to face the dishes I couldn't cook for a while .
Speaker 2My son was an amazing cook . He and I spent tons of time in the kitchen . He was a firefighter and a paramedic and so he cooked for the fire departments and everybody loved some of his recipes and so I was getting texts afterwards as hey , did you have the recipe from this ? Well , my son never used recipes , so I didn't have any of his recipes . So I couldn't be in the kitchen At first when the meals started rolling in . I'm like why did they plan out meals for two and three months ? I was like why ? Well , guess what ? I needed those meals to come in the house because I just I couldn't cook , I couldn't clean Every day .
Speaker 2It was Leanne , get up , shower , brush your teeth and make sure the littles are functioning and doing what they need to do . So this has been the hardest . I'm still not there and I will be open and completely honest . I they through counseling and things . We've been told , especially for a mother , it can take up to two years before you fully , not even fully . It's a new you that you have to find . It's your new rhythms and your new , just your new you .
Speaker 2That person did not survive when my son passed away and now we're finding in our entire family what is , what are we to do now ? But after about 13 months , I told myself . I said I've got two beautiful little babies , little kiddos , and when their first , the Christmas after my he passed in October , we had all the firsts right away his first birthday , I mean his first birthday without him , and Christmas and Thanksgiving and all that . The Christmas I could not decorate . So I have these two little kids . So we brought , we brought in an outdoor lawn tree that was like neon lights , we sat it on a bookshelf and the kids were like okay , and I said , but I can't keep doing this , this isn't fair to them . And my son loved them dearly and he wouldn't not that I lived my life for my son but he would not have wanted them to miss out on things .
Speaker 2And so I did go to the doctor and I had talked to my doctor and she's amazing and we did have to go on something , not necessarily like an antidepressant , but it is a medication that actually helps you get motivated . It's hard to explain if it makes you get up and do things . So it has been a couple months with that and that has been a huge help . I still I'm not numb . I still cry every day , I still am dealing with that grief , but I'm also trying to learn how to be a homemaker again and a mom , and it's just so different . It's so hard to explain unless you've been there . It's really just so hard and I don't wish that on anybody .
Speaker 1Yeah .
Speaker 2It's hard to explain .
Speaker 1Yeah , well , thank you for sharing that , that journey that you're still in the middle of . And , yeah , I imagine you can't understand it unless you walk that road . I'm glad that you mentioned counseling and medication . I've talked about that on the show before in different contexts , not dealing with grief , but , well , a different kind of grief . But there is a place for that , you know , and we need to be careful about saying , oh , no , medication , that's bad , you know , as if , like you're not having enough faith . That's a common , you know . Arguing against medication is well , if you just have more faith , you shouldn't need to be on medication . But no , it's a tool that God has given us Absolutely .
Speaker 2Yeah , that's why I think he's given the doctors such an amazing ability to help us . You know that's the gift that he gave them , why ? And we need to allow that gift to be given back to us in a form . And I will not gonna lie , I'm a bit of a scrunchie , so I try not to do too many medications . You know what I mean ? Yeah , I'm not crunchy as my kids say , but You're a scrunchie , as I always say . That's what my kids call , that's what my kid , my daughter , says . You're scrunchie , mom , you're a little like . I'm a little bit . I'm very big into the nontoxic and those type of things and I'm into more natural homeopathic things . I mean , we have an elderberry farm , right ?
Speaker 2Right exactly so . But I still like my Dr Pepper , which is a bad habit , and I still like a chocolate bar and I , you know , I there . It is like so you're scrunchie .
Speaker 1I like that , I'm scrunchie , I like that that's a great I'm gonna start using that term . I'm scrunchie Well . So you mentioned that you feel like you're having to learn how to be a homemaker again . You're having to learn how to be this new version of yourself , this different version without your son . So what does that look like ? What's God teaching you in the season that you're in now ? How is your , what does your homemaking look like ? How are you challenging yourself and growing ?
Speaker 2Yeah , wow , I don't quite have a full answer for that yet , cause I am still smack in the middle of it and that resting is still a huge aspect , because it is very easy to get overwhelmed , and dealing with grief it affects every . I mean , I was floored with some of the things . I mean I went 10 weeks with this whole body rash that turned out to be like some sort of a mass cell reaction from the stress , and so , you know , your brain fog is huge with grief , and so I can set out to do something and totally forget about it . And I , you know , I , yesterday , as a matter of fact , I made a slew of pancakes . Was that yesterday ? I know , the day before , see , I made a slew of pancakes and I put them up in the microwave for anyone else who wanted to take a couple , and I figured , well , I'll just freeze the rest of them , went back to the microwave yesterday . They're still in there . I was like , oh my gosh . So I totally forgot about them and I just wasted all those pancakes , right ? So I'm still trying to .
Speaker 2Like I said , the medication has been a huge help recently . Took a little while to kick in and then , of course , it kicked in and then I got the flu . So you know the flu takes you down for a while . So I , with this new help , I'm still really just fresh into that . But scheduling I still am very dependent on my planner . I am unbelievably stuck on my planner because if I don't write it down right now , I forget everything . I am okay . Still there are things that I just let go . My baseboards probably have not been cleaned in 16 months . I'm not gonna lie . There's things that I have to make sure to do every day , above and beyond taking my shower and brushing my teeth now at this point .
Speaker 2But you know , the Lord , just he's still shown that he's been faithful through all of this . I still get to wake up every morning and see my beautiful children . I still get to take care of the home . Even though I don't maybe don't want you that day , I still have those blessings . And he sometimes he's still very quiet , but I know he's still there because he's never failed me .
Speaker 2And you know we lead worship services every couple of months , so I've been able to . It took me a while to be able to even worship in that way , but he's really been ministering to me in many of the songs . Now I just play music all day long as much as I can . So that's been a blessing that and those things have been able to speak to me and the different people that he's brought into our life this season , compared to the ones that you would have thought would have been there , have not been , and there are new people that the Lord has blessed us with and some have lost children themselves and some just can't imagine that loss and want to be right by that side .
Speaker 2One of the things that we refer to I we are very much involved with what's called while you're waiting , while we're waiting , and it's all parents who've lost children and it is a biblical , biblical based . We do a zoom and then you can do local groups . But one of the things that it's her name's Nandiel and I've told , told anybody she said it's fine , we talk about is having your grief garden and allowing only . You only want people in there . You don't want someone in there that's going to trample your garden . You want someone in there that's going to help you nurture your garden .
Speaker 2And so it's been a God bringing new people , removing the other ones that have tried to trample Honestly people do that and showing you , the , the relationships and the things you were doing beforehand aren't that important anymore . The baseboards are not as important as spending time trying to laugh with my littles , you know , going for a drive with my new driver and praying the whole time . You know those kind of things are more important than the baseboards . They'll get done . It's more important , you know , than whether or not I didn't get my garlic bulbs put in the ground this fall , you know . But just stopping and realizing what is important , god has really been working with us on that .
Speaker 1What would you say is the one impactful thing that someone has done for you in this process Because I'm just thinking of the listener who wants to minister to someone they know who is in the middle of grief what's maybe something memorable , something that someone did for you during this grieving process that you think this was a really great thing and I would recommend this to others to do ?
Speaker 2Yeah . So I have one friend who we've always been acquaintances , you know , through homeschool , co-op and those type of things , and she just started reaching out to me and one of the things that a lot of people are afraid to do are just to even talk to you about your child that's went on . They're afraid they're going to upset you . Listen , I cry every day . Say his name , it's okay . I want to make sure I want him to be remembered right . I want to know that he was loved . So what she would do is , pretty much every couple of days , she would just message me and she would ask the hard questions what do you miss most about him , you know ? Or what do you think he's doing in heaven today ? Things that are really hard to think about . But she was with me in that and she still does it , you know , 16 months out , and if she misses a couple of days she's like I'm so sorry , it's okay , it's okay . But it was questions like you know . I know you miss his hugs today . I'm praying for you . You know . What would you think ? You know ? He would want to cook for you today , you know , just to help you not forget .
Speaker 2And there were people who would come in and say things like oh , you know , oh , he's in a better place , and I know this . You know , for me the one thing that did not sit well was because , I'm going to be honest with you , that did not sit well is people saying , well , jesus knows , god knows what you're feeling . Okay , yes , I know this right . And then they would say , well , don't forget , he lost his son too , and I know this . And then my response because early on I could be a bit snippy was I understand that and I know God knows what we're going through .
Speaker 2But guess what ? In three days his son rose again from the dead and guess where he's sitting right now , by his father . My son is sitting there with them and I don't get to see them , see him , and so that really did irritate me . And I know some people it doesn't , and no one really knows what to say , but just saying their name , asking questions , even just sending it . I had someone send me a song , one of his buddies from the fire department , you know , sending pictures that they may have had , that I didn't know existed . Those things are all , they're just treasures .
Speaker 1So I think people are maybe afraid to bring him up . You know , talk about the person who has passed away , because we don't want to hurt you by reminding you , right ? But it sounds like what you're saying is no . I need to remember that he's very real . He's not here . Yes , he lived this life here and you know he's just gone to another place . But , like my experiences with him , I didn't imagine it . It's very real and it's okay to acknowledge that . I missed that . I missed that relationship .
Speaker 2Absolutely .
Speaker 1Yeah .
Speaker 2Absolutely , and because we won't ever forget . You know that , because , like you'd mentioned , well , I don't want you to remember or I don't want to remind you , right .
Speaker 1We're never going to forget . Yeah , you don't need to Like . You are going to remember , you are dwelling on it .
Speaker 2Exactly . It's the first thing on your mind when you wake up and the last thing before you go to bed . You don't forget , and so , yes , just those memories of knowing , those thoughts that he was loved . You know , even when we go to the cemetery the cemetery is really just around the corner from our home . We live in a small community and you see fresh footprints in the snow and you know someone's been there , oh yeah . And so you know , and I know he was loved . I mean his funeral was ridiculous , the amount of people . And you know he was a firefighter , like I had mentioned , so that's a different whole . The fire family's just we like gained an entirely new family as well . It's just been a blessing . But but just to know that people still think about him and that he's still very much like I said , he lived , he loved , he lived big and loved big , and to know that people saw that and still remember him as huge .
Speaker 1Oh , that's good . Thank you for sharing so candidly with us , and I really appreciate that , your willingness to do
that . So we're gonna , we're gonna move ahead . Okay , let's talk about home making tasks and I have some questions for you . That the quick answer , or you can tell me a story if you want . It's up to you . So I'd love to know what do you feel like , is your worst home making fail , or one of them ?
Speaker 2Yes , I actually asked my husband about this because I'm like , what do you think it's been ? Because there are a few like letting your laundry pile up . So our first home was I just we finished all the hardwood floors and I went through and was trying to sweep up and I couldn't get the sanding grit off the floor and so I'm like , well , shoot , maybe I can just mop it up . No , you cannot just mop up grit and stuff off steel wool off the floor . It opened the pores of all the wood , the floor and the wood and all of those little grits went into that and stayed there for the entire time Like they never went away Never . So that was probably my biggest home making DIY fail . I had no idea I was like 23 .
Speaker 1I just thought I'd mop it up so you just had like permanently rough wood floors .
Speaker 2Well it was . They were smooth , but they were embedded with all the little oh steel wool particles in the sand parts .
Speaker 1Yeah , so they were like very distressed looking .
Speaker 2Oh , most definitely , which was not in style back then . Not in style back then .
Speaker 1Okay , how about a memorable home making achievement ?
Speaker 2I asked about that , I asked my kids . You know it's so funny , but I have to admit that I think just being a parent is part of being home making and I think my kids , honestly , have been my achievement . I'm blessed . I am blessed but because , yeah , I'm really not a good home maker , I'm still , at this day , fighting every day to try and make sure it looks good and things are going well .
Speaker 1So how about your favorite home making hack or tip that you've come across over the years ?
Speaker 2Meal planning . Meal planning . I cannot stress meal planning . Whether it's two people you know you're just married or you've got nine kids , 12 kids , meal planning is where it's at .
Speaker 1Yeah , especially big family meal planning . Do you normally plan by the week or two weeks or a month , or how did you typically I normally plan by the week .
Speaker 2I would love to get to the month , but I just can't think that far ahead . Me neither , yeah , but yeah , I plan by the week , okay , and it helps with your grocery budget , it helps with and the way I meal plan . I don't . You know , I do a Monday , tuesday , wednesday , thursday , friday , saturday . I don't do Sundays , because a lot of times we just go out to eat after church , but you can change it around . Just , I may not wake up and feel like having hamburgers or whatever was on the menu , or you know , and I'll just pick something from that otherfrom the week . Does that make sense ?
Speaker 1Yes , yes , absolutely , I do that all the time . Yeah , I mean because sometimes our schedule might change in the middle of the week and if I planned a particular meal , like on Thursday , that now we have an appointment or something and I know that I'm not going to have time , I'll just shift things around . I'll try to still make it . I'll just maybe move it over to Saturday instead and just flip flop the meals . Big fan of meal planning . Okay , how about a homemaking tool or product that you love , that you can't live without ?
Speaker 2My spot cleaner , my little vacuum bissel spot cleaner . Oh yeah , we only With as many kids . Yeah , Dogs , chickens , you name it . Spot cleaner , I would have to say that . Or my bissel . You know , it's the dual where it vacuums and sucks and mobs all at the one time . Those two , I just could not live without those .
Speaker 1Yeah , is it the spot cleaner ? Is it like the little bissel ? Green , like the handheld one with the little wand that you yeah .
Speaker 2Yes , yeah , now I didthat , one did die . So I recently matter of fact , like maybe six months ago purchased the pet version , and it's all in one .
Speaker 1Oh .
Speaker 2It's just one big . It's not big , but I mean it is , but it's like aremember the old dust buster . Yes , it's a little bigger than that , but it's just one piece Okay . So that's nice .
Speaker 1Yeah , that is nice . That's a good size . Tell me what your signature dish is .
Speaker 2Let's see , I love to cook , generally speaking , but I would have to say my tortilla soup .
Speaker 1Oh , I love a good tortilla soup .
Speaker 2Yeah , and mine is a littlelike . Some people think of tortilla soup and they think of it with all the veggies . Yeah , no , we don't have all the veggies in my Okay . So it is basically a cheesy broth type , a thicker , cheesy creamy broth and chicken , and then I fry up tortilla strips and deep fry those and top it with cheese and yeah that's my favorite .
Speaker 1It's a cheesy broth . Does it have any tomatoes in it at all ?
Speaker 2Yeah , well , yeah , so that's like a rotel , like , I guess . So yeah , the vegetable yeah yeah , I forgot about that . Rotel . Corn and beans yeah yeah , okay , no .
Speaker 1That sounds fabulous . I would love to get a copy of that if you're willing to share . Absolutely Okay , I'll be in touch about that , all right . Well , thanks for sharing all those tips and everything . Let's talk a little bit about the
art of home before we close , and then we'll talk to the younger women as well . How do you see homemaking as an art and where do you find beauty in homemaking ?
Speaker 2Oh , wow . I used to see it as a chore , so I never really saw the art in it and I think I still struggle , and that is one of the things that to this day , I just did not have . The thought process that I've recently taken to , within the last probably , I would even say five or six years of understanding that the beauty in it is that you're serving your family , that it is your most important ministry , is your , your family . And and the beauty in Seeing them happy , like when the house gets overwhelmed because my house is not perfect , ever , ever and then walking in and saying , oh wow , this that's looks really nice in here , you know , and the smile and them being able to be comfortable , or or what are watching the little one , because I finally got all the toys Picked up off their floor , spinning in circles and dancing , that's where I find the beauty in it .
Speaker 1What is something about home making that you're thankful for I ?
Speaker 2Am so thankful that I started home waking in the 90s Because of a late 90s but because right pre-instagram , is that what you get ?
Speaker 2Oh amen , sister , because , yeah , I , I fall to it even to this day . I'm like , oh , look at that kitchen . You know , I just would not want to compare . You know , like some of these young moms and young house Homemakers and I , just my heart breaks for them because it , like I said , my house is not perfect . It's a home . We live here . What I love it to look ? Instagram perfect , absolutely , but that that's not reality .
Speaker 1No , it's not . It's not . It's not real . There's actually a movement . I've seen on some of the , some of the posts that come through on my reel on my Instagram feed you know , let's normalize normal houses . Yes , it's like absolutely , you know 1990s , brown cabinets and stuff like that .
Speaker 2That's my house I've got green countertops , although I will say we are a planning of remodel , but I don't know when that'll happen .
Speaker 1Yeah , I mean , there's space for that . Aesthetics aesthetics are part of . They're important , but they're not the most important thing , and I Agree with you . I'm just so glad I didn't have that Comparison constantly , you know , in my face , when I was just learning and I needed to be focusing on learning what , how I needed to do things . Now there has some benefit , right , youtube , university and all the things you can learn . You know , the way that I had to learn was I would go to the library , library and then eventually I don't remember when hTV started , hgtv , was that like late 90s ?
Speaker 2It had to early 2000s yeah and boy .
Speaker 1When I got hGTV I was like , oh my , this is like opening up a whole new world to me most definitely .
Speaker 2Yeah , same , I would sit there and watch and be like wow .
Speaker 1Oh , I didn't know I could do that . You know , with fabric or whatever , you would learn all these cool tips and tricks Anyway . So we are all appointed to the time . You know where God has put us and I'm glad I learned in the 90s also . Okay , well , let's talk to some of those younger women . What is a word of advice , more encouragement or warning that you would give to younger homemakers coming behind you ?
Speaker 2Yeah , I like to stress that it is a ministry you know , truly is one of the most important ministries I think there is , especially when you have children in your home . We are not . You know , yeah , we're taking care of our home , but we're also raising . We're raising adults . You know , a lot of people say we're raising children . No , you're raising adults . That is the prayer that they do make it to adulthood . And so Some of the things that I like to look at is you know , for instance , proverbs 14 , one where it says the wise one builds her home . You know the scripture and the word tells us that that's , it's okay to do that , that is a what that's . You know , we're , we're , yes , you're Cleaning , but you're building your home .
Speaker 2And a home to me is so much more different , is so it's not a house . It could be your little one-bedroom studio apartment or something , but you're building a home . And Also , you know , we all like to , a lot of us women and women's ministry , especially Proverbs 31, . You know there's so many things to be seen there where it does talk to us about we are , you're eager and you're diligent in your home making , because that is such a huge part of Life . You know home . Home is where you get to rest . Home is where you know you get to fix all the boo-boo's you know for your children . Home is where you see first steps , where , hopefully , you know If you might see me in a park , but you know what I mean .
Speaker 2Home , home is home . I don't know how us to explain it other than it's where you know it is . It's just so important I and to see the beauty in being able to be home and or or be a homemaker , no matter what , whether I have so much respect for people who work outside of the home and then come home and make in our home makers I can't do it myself but there's just so much to being home and having a home . You think I know I'm probably gonna ramble , but you know you think about kids going off to college and coming back home . Where they're , they feel warmth and comfort and love and safe and secure . You know I think of the day coming when my big kids will bring home their grand , my grandbabies , someday . You know , to home . I just it's so important . I I'm sorry , it's just , I could just go on and on , but it's so important .
Speaker 1Yeah , it's good . Thank you for sharing those thoughts and thank you for sharing your story of home . It has been a delight to hear it and to get to know you better .
Speaker 2Thanks . It's not perfect , but I don't think anyone is so no , you're not All right .
Speaker 1Well , thanks , so much , leanne .
Speaker 2Thank you .
Speaker 1Thank you for listening to this homemaker portrait of Leanne Stadler . I hope you have found some inspiration and some encouragement and something that you can implement right now in your own homemaking . I Am very grateful to Leanne for candidly sharing her journey of grieving the loss of her son , how that affected her homemaking and how God has shown himself faithful over and over again . If you know someone who is dealing with loss , I hope Leanne's encouragement to minister to them with regular check-ins and a willingness to remember that loved one with your friend Will help you minister to them . Our home has not yet been touched with the grief of death , but we have faced other kinds of loss and grief and I can attest God has been faithful through every valley and Our home has been the sweetest refuge in these dark places Because he holds the hearts of those who dwell here . I'd like to close today with a passage from chapter 7 of JR Miller's homemaking in which he closes his discussion on the home .
Speaker 1Life flowing like a river through fields of sunshine and valleys of shadow . So the life of the true home flows on , sometimes in the bright sunshine , sometimes in the deep shadow . Yet whether in sunshine or in shadow , it brings blessing , it shelters us in the day of storm . Its friendships remain true and loyal when adversity falls and other friendships are broken . It lays holy hands of blessing upon our heads as we go out to meet life struggles and duties . Its sacred influences keep us from many a sin . Its memories are our richest inheritance . Its inspirations are the secret strength of our lives . In days of toil and care , then , it teaches us to look toward heaven as the great home in which all our hearts , hopes and dreams Shall be realized and where the broken ties of earth shall be reunited . That's all for this week's episode . I will be back next Wednesday with another homemaker portrait and the finale of season 18 . Until then , keep practicing your art of making a home .